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Sunday, May 4th, 2003

Y2kk Update: Well, if you've read any of my other websites, then you'd know that I'm finally done exams and hopefully done second year of university... It's kind of strange, actually... sort of like that strange, WB charmed, 4th DS9 Quark of a quark scientists just found, but that's besides the point... My childhood dream has never been to be an engineer, but rather to simply pass second year of engineering... that's all I ever wanted, and in a sense, that's all I'll ever need... I had heard so much hype in my youth, that the second year of engineering was absolutely the hardest year of them all, that although I now hear that third year at my university is just as Doug Gilmour killer, somehow I just don't care like I did at this very same time last year... so, well... let's keep our fingers crossed, shall we? That I'll actually be able to pass all my goddam second year courses and fulfill my sad but fruitfly-full, boyhood dream... Marks come in May 13th... my favourite number... what a date of a Splinter Cell door to pick...

I just wish I had kept my fingers crossed when I made my wish, however... Because I'm sure any NHL hockey fan out there knows that the Toronto Maple Leafs were eliminated by Philadelphia in the first bloody round of the NHL playoffs... Of course, I fully admit the better team won... but c'mon already! The Leafs have always sucked! They never deserve to win. They score by luck and luck alone, and yet miraculously, we seemed to make it to the Conference Finals almost every single year for the past five years... except this year... this year, the Leafs couldn't even get out of their parent's own basements. So as Mats Sundin would ask, Vhy? What changed?... and sadly, all voodoo things considered, I think it was me... Tweakui and Download readers here will know my tendency to "bet" my university success on the Leafs or Toronto Raptors winning or not. I mean, usually I claim I'll do decent on an exam if and only if a Toronto team wins that night, or in their playoff series... and in turn, usually I get killed on the exam, and both Toronto teams get systematically slaughtered later on in the night... So I decided to turn the tables around this time. I decided to bet my success on Philadelphia instead. I wished that if I do well on the exam, that the Philadelphia Flyers would win the playoff series, and if I did poorly like I always do?... then Philadelphia would crash and burn, just like the Maple Leafs always seem to do... And it seemed like a fair wager, wasn't it? I mean seriously, what were the chances of me actually doing well on an exam?... but, um... there was just one problem... because, um, you see... the exam that I made a bet on?...

It was my Digital Electronics exam. And the problem was... um... I got 85% on it... the best out of my entire circle of friends... although I didn't get to see my mark until long after the Leafs were massacred 6-1 or something in Game 7 of the series... so, um... well... if any Toronto fans are out there reading this (which I seriously doubt since nobody ever visits this webpage), then pick me already... I'm the scapegoat we've all been searching for, and I'm your man to beat to a bloody pulp... but before you start hunting me down with One Hour snapshots, just remember one thing:... I was doing it all for the Leafs! It's always for the Leafs!...

Anyhew, now all I have left to watch on television is the final episodes ever of my precious Buffy the Vampire Slayer... and although I can't say this week's episode, Empty Places (or was it called "Empty Spaces"?... I already forget...), was a Jewel among Pearl Jams, I can definitely say it was a decent episode that leaves me good hope for the series finale. To run down the cast, Xander wasn't in the episode a lot, but his chemistry with Willow in the first scene was simply brilliant and very reminiscent of their old school relationship in Season 3, if you asked me. I found it remarkable how Xander could still joke with a thumb for an eye, yet sound so soft and anguished as he tried to snicker about Daredevil. And the way Willow started to cry, with Xander telling her to please not start? It truly was a special moment... unfortunately, the episode as a whole lacked many of them... Spike was barely used, but he surprisingly had a lot of chemistry with Andrew. I loved his talk of cooking onion things or something, even though I wasn't very fond of Andrew through this episode... at least not the first time I watched it... The first time I went through Empty Trading Spaces, I found Andrew to be nothing but annoying... but on the second runabout, I laughed as he spelled "stake" wrong, and I giggled like Anya having sex when he underlined the break-up sex, um... line... on the big board like a big boy. I still found the hot pocket scenario feeling rather forced the second time around, but I laughed at the look that Andrew gave Faith as she finished off the meal he had dabs on... Faith put on an entertaining show as well, as always, as she seems to always do. Although sometimes I have trouble following her lingo, she somehow simply felt natural in the big break-up scene in the end, something that Giles and Dawn really couldn't achieve. Dawn's only real moment in this episode was when she hugged Xander at the homecoming (even though Buffy's house wasn't his home, per say...), and Giles did have a decent talk with Buffy about trust issues, but he really didn't do much else in this episode... his eyes did reveal all when he told Buffy that decisions have to be made in her absence, however... And Anya surprised me with the power of her lines. After being completely absent the week earlier, she managed a decent opening scene by wondering whether or not she should be at Xander's bedside or rather by the break-up sex bed's bedside, and her speech to Buffy about the slayer being "luckier" than the rest of them actually felt meaningful, and little too close of a reminder of Holden's analysis that Buffy has an inferiority complex about her superiority complex...

Although I did not enjoy Empty Trading Relations or whatever it was called as a whole because the fight scenes were rather lacking, I do admit that the episode ended up on the plus side for me, simply because of Buffy and the big break-up, non-sex scene at the end. The star of the episode was definitely Sarah Michelle Gellar, and besides that puberty thing going on with her voice, her delivery of lines was perfect. I loved her comment that the leadership thing was a popularity contest, and that she should get an opportunity to get the Potentials drunk and bake them cookies before they got a chance to vote... reminds me of real elections actually, or at least her homecoming queen thing with Cordelia... I loved her angst towards Faith, telling her she just loves taking everything away from her. I loved the tears in her eyes when she left the house, as she couldn't even pull herself to hit Faith again, as she knew it wasn't her fault. And the solemn look of guilt in her eyes every time someone mentioned Xander? Or the way she reacted when Willow admitted she wasn't defending her? It was brilliant, making Empty Laces or Empty Races or Empty Pakistan Rices or whatever the hell the episode was called, one of my favourites of the season, if only because of that final, fetal position, great scene... the real Yoko Factor, even though Spike wasn't there...

And, well... besides Buffy... and besides wrestling... and besides actually looking for a job... and awaiting virtual, visual orgasms again while in anticipation of E3... I really have nothing better to do than watch Enterprise now that school's over... and from the look of things, it seems the Enterprise writers saved the best for last. The episode from two weeks ago, The Breach, was remarkable to me, if only because the shots of the cave climbing made the caverns seem enormous, even though I really knew they were just shooting the same wall over and over again from different angles. I also enjoyed how everyone got a crack at doing something in this episode... well, except for Hoshi, of course... Mayweather got to be the hero... and the injured black guy yet again... I can't remember any of Malcolm's lines anymore, but I do remember Tucker getting real pissed at the Denubulan Scientists, which was good enough for me... too bad he didn't actually shoot them in the ass when they were climbing Spiderman style, but I digress... Archer got to play tough guy again, as he even risked war by targeting the enemy bombing raids. I forget what T'Pol got to do this episode, but even if she didn't have much, she'll always have a host of episodes in the future, not to mention she'll always have Paris... But overall, the true star of The Breach was Dr. Phlox, as he truly did get to shine for the first time since Dear Doctor... hell, they even mentioned the doctor friend in Dear Doctor this episode, if only to point out that it was finally Phlox's time again... and although I thought some scenes felt rushed (Phlox started talking about his children a little too quickly to the Antaran if you ask me), and some scenes had too many extraneous phrases to be curt and powerful (the spinning scene in the messhall with T'Pol, I mean), I did thoroughly take delight in the fact that Phlox is not perfect. He has biases, as do we all. He has prejudices, maybe even hatred, as he stormed out of Sickbay simply from some small words from the Antaran... but just like I always fear I'm racist, I end up trying my best to prove that I'm not (even if proving that I'm not racist ironically makes me racist). And it was great to see this exemplified through Phlox, who tried his best to teach his children exactly the opposite of what his grandparents taught him. John Billingsley (I hope I spelled his name right) has been said to be as great as Patrick Stewart at making any line, no matter how cheesy, seem so meaningful. And although The Breach was not a perfect episode, the right blend of the A and B plotlines mixed with Phlox's acting, resulted in one of the better Enterprise shows of the year.

Which leads me to Cogenitor, last week's episode of Enterprise. The thing is, Cogenitor should've been a great episode, as it reminds me of the great Next Generation episode, where Riker finds a woman in a race of no sexes... the thing was, I hated that TNG episode... and while I don't hate Cogenitor, I thought it's melodramatic message was a bit too preachy and a bit too annoying for my tastes. Nevertheless, I'll give the episode credit where credit is due, and quite frankly, if I did like sermonizing in shows, I would've loved Cogenitor as if I had two sexes to get in bed with... which, um, actually, we do, but that's besides the point... Mayweather and Hoshi once again sat on the sidelines, but Malcolm got to play comic relief boy this week. I loved the look on his face when that Vissian women claimed Enterprise's missiles were antiquated, but quaint. It was a great line in terms of phallic aggression, and it was a true line because... well... it seems that even modern US Patriot Missiles are better than the crap that Enterprise shoots out, but I digress... Archer didn't have anything meaningful to do until the end of the episode, but his chemistry with Tomalak, the Vissian captain, or whatever his name was truly did stand out. Both of them being pilots, and both of them being explorers, made for a hell of a ride with some amazing special effects this episode. From the wave that Archer flew through, to the orange hum of a gassy glow through the Enterprise windows, to even the touch of the Vissian quoting Shakespeare, it truly did seem like some real people bonding was going on in this episode... especially with Trip and "Charles", as the third sex member chose its name to be... like I said before, if I enjoyed sermonizing in television shows, I would've loved this episode, as I can plainly recognize the huge, moral dilemma this episode posed. It was obvious that the third sex person was being oppressed. It had no name. It had no function rather than to eat and copulate. It was a sex slave, without all the drool-worthy attention that sex slaves on earth get, but that's besides the point... and yet we all knew that Trip shouldn't have interfered. The Vissian population was only 3% congenitors, meaning that if the third sex was given the right to choose to love before mating, the Vissian population would decline to nearly the point of extinction. Not to mention the cultural ramifications of a Cogenitor possibly teaching all other Cogenitors to stand up for human rights, although I find it ridiculous that such a peaceful race of explorers would treat their own race with no rights whatsoever... Nevertheless, this contrast in the Vissians was what made this episode great in a sense: they were the nicest people Enterprise has met, yet they didn't even see the slavery right under their noses.

Which is why, when Tucker said he only did what he thought Archer would do, we the viewers all knew he was right to some extent. Archer has meddled in almost every culture he's encountered. However, Archer had screwed up enough times already to realize that he wasn't setting a proper example... And when he was talking to the engineering couple, the captain of the Enterprise even seemed to start agreeing with Tucker's point of view, but he did the only thing he could do, and that was to give the Cogenitor back to save first contact, even though abandoning a plea for asylum goes against every human right we know of... And the question remains, who was really responsible? Tucker, for doing the right thing at the wrong time? Archer, for sending the Cogenitor back to its people, even through suicide was a possibility? Or the Vissians, for not respecting the right for asylum? Or T'pol, for acting half as a jealous girlfriend to Tucker again, even when he wasn't with a woman per say, but that's besides the point... Which is why this episode was great... or would've been great, if I liked paradoxical, no win scenario messages like this episode had. But alas, this kind of stuff is just not my cup of tea. I may have liked Phlox's acting in The Breach, but in the review above, notice I didn't even mention the idea of Nazi war criminals, or even how the episode reminded me of my parent's own disdain for the Japanese from WW2... Because I prefer episodes with quaint missiles. I like episodes where the Borg invade or some crap like that...

Of course, I should be careful for what I wish for... as the Borg are coming, with a possible lack of continuity assimilated right behind them... while the Toronto Maple Leafs aren't coming anymore, and won't be until October... all thanks to me... but always remember... I'm doing this for the Federation! And I was doing this for the Leafs!... and oh, screw it... just get the IvanFian beatings over and done with as quickly as possible, okay?... because it all sounds like so much goddam fun, doesn't it?

Friday, April 18th, 2003

Y2kk Update: Well, I was hoping that finishing Zelda as quickly as I could would give me the free time to actually get some studying done... but naturally, I was wrong... because not only am I going through the motions, and going through the game a second time, trying to find everything I missed the first time around, but I'm also wasting countless hours on video game forums, reading an exuberant number of pointless reviews, half of them claiming Zelda: Wind Waker is the best game ever made, and half claiming it's the worst turd ever produced, period... you obviously know which of the two categories I fit into, so I won't bother wasting precious cargo time on the Horizon, worshipping the game like a Jasmine goddess and all that... but there is one thing I'd like to get off my chest...

Probably the internet argument that gets on my nerves the most is this: a lot of gamers were pissed at Nintendo, for not making Zelda into a "mature" soap opera of some sorts, of not having Zelda show some anime Otaku cleavage, and of not having a dark, Oni, self-loathing Link in the end getting the princess as the girl... and, well... you see, back in the good ol' days, uphill and downhill, both ways in the snow, I never would've thought gamers would ever want video games to turn into cheesy lovefests, but now?... um... well, um... I don't mean to sound rude, or hasty, and hasty market, or any crap like that, but... um... Am I the only one who sees it? Honestly? What I mean is, here's a rhetorical question: why do romantic comedies continue to do consistantly well, no matter how many times they retread and repackage the same plotline formula? It's because they always get new characters and new cities and new in-laws with every movie, to cover up the fact that the star-crossed couple always has the same problems, the same patterns, and the same damn acting as every romantic comedy that has ever come beforehand... Sequels rarely work for the romantic formula, and Squalls rarely work the second time around either, as The Final Fantasy series is exactly the same. With the exception of Final Fantasy X-2, no Final Fantasy RPG has ever had a direct sequel to it. Instead, Squaresoft just repackages the same plotlines and the same cliche romances with new characters and completely new worlds, in the hope that no gamer ever realizes that they're just played through 12 frickin' Final Fantasy games, all with the same damn story and timeline... And don't me wrong. I don't really have a problem with this. It works for romantic comedies, it works for most types of movies (including the Rock, my second favourite movie of all time), and it definitely works for Final Fantasy. But the thing is, after reading through fifty damn forum posts that the Zelda series should be the same way, with Link hooking his hookshot up with Zelda and God knows what else?... I mean honestly, am I the only one who sees it?! Honestly!...

That by turning The Legend of Zelda into a soap opera, gamers would ruin what Zelda has always stood for, not to mention cross the line on God knows how many social morays... Because first of all, The Legend of Zelda can't do the Final Fantasy thing and scrap an entire world everytime a couple gets together. In Final Fantasy, every world has magic, every world has technology, and every world has hypersexual girls being watched by horny gamers, both male and female, but that's about it when it comes to the links between each Final Fantasy game. Same worlds, same plotlines, some name, yet every single game is meant to be completely separate from the others... But Zelda doesn't work that way. It works as a legend, an eternal legend, that spans the ages of one, single world. Every Zelda has taken place in the same world (albeit perhaps not the same Hyrule... and, um, Termina and the Wind Fish dream don't count, so...). The wind echoes a legend throughout every single game, the same exact legend, the same exact wind, as every game is linked, and every Link is linked. Thus, trying to use the romantic cliche formula in Zelda would never work, because what would happen? In every single game, the new Link gets it on with the new Zelda? Wouldn't that get boring after a while, after the same guy gets the same girl of the same look and the same name God know how many times?... The only alternative is to not use Link and to not use Zelda as the stars of the sequels, and that simply would not be the Legend of Zelda anymore... However, I admit that the current Zelda plotline is also a 'retread' of all previous Zelda plotlines. Because, well... that's the whole point of Zelda... The characters aren't just reincarnated, but so is history. History repeats itself, and that's the whole point of Zelda. Good and evil will always exist, epitomized by the fact that the battle between Link and Ganondorf will always exist... but can this apply to love as well?... and, well... truth be told, all bias aside, even though I don't want to admit it, it might actually work for the love cliche thing to be refreshed every other game or what not... except for... well... one little, grotesque, nymph of a nitpick... and that's... um... well...

I mean, honestly, am I the only one who sees it!? Am I the only one who realizes this?!... Doesn't anybody else realize that reincarnation is and has always been just a sick excuse to make family incest socially and psychologically acceptable?!... We all know that reincarnation is the return of our souls to earth in new bodies after death. What some of us don't know is that supposedly, according to reincarnation evangelists, our reincarnated selves always end up finding our reincarnated significant others from the past (eg: soul-mates are normally two people who loved each other in countless, past lifetimes, and will seek each other out in every single damn lifetime to come). But what a lot of people refuse to acknowledge these days, is that when you put that 2 and 2 together, you can finally realize what reincarnation is really all about, and why so many of us consider it beautiful... Who is to say, that your mother isn't a reincarnation of your past lover or something? Or who is to say that your sister reincarnated won't be your lover in the future?... I mean, we will all remeet our "significant others", repacked in new bodies, in the future, right? But 'significant others' don't just include lovers and true friends. Why not include family?... because technically, if they're in new bodies, it wouldn't be incest anymore, right?... right?... I mean, you wouldn't be bounded by blood... only by souls... like soul-mates... right?... And the thing is... does nobody see this when they want Link to hook up with Zelda?! I mean, almost every single game has Link being reincarnated as a hero, and Zelda being reincarnated as a princess of some sorts. So, um... if let's say, Link had children with Zelda in Ocarina of Time (as most gamers dared to dream about), then, um... don't read ahead if you don't want to be spoiled for Wind Waker, but, um... wouldn't that make Tetra and Link in Wind Waker technically blood related (as Tetra is of Zelda's bloodline, and Link is of the Hero of Time's bloodline, even though the King did not know of it until the Triforce of Courage was reformed)? And, um... it seems that most "mature" gamers, clamouring for a romantic cliche plotline, don't seem to notice all this potential incest in the Zelda series (and almost every game for that matter) for some odd reason... (except subconsciously, Freud and I both know that that's exactly what gamers actually want)... Don't they notice that Link and Zelda getting it on in every single Zelda game would be like cousins always frolicking in the lost woods?!... or in a sense, a guy making love to his wife, his mother, his sister, his daughter, his granddaughter, his grandmother, and yadda yadda yadda, all at the same time... and, um... honestly, am I the only one who sees this?... honestly, who throws a shoe?... Honestly! And yet they call me insane!?... but, um, don't answer that one...

Anyhew, enough of that Zelda rap of a rant for the day. Let's get on with my Buffy review for the week, before I waste even more time with a certain lack of exam studying... This week's episode, Dirty Girls, was one of the best of the season, simply because I enjoyed Nathan Fillion's or however you spell his name's Pizza Place, Southern Cliche villain of the week. Of course, I'm not sure what effect was intended... I mean, was he threatening? Not really. If I laughed at Angel's Beast, then I can definitely laugh at Caleb. But the thing is, I think I was meant to laugh, and that was exactly what I did. He was a great villain because of his great lines, like his "yes" contraire to "no", his talk of "mysterious ways" and "straight-forward" ways, his delight at finally seeing the form of Buffy for the first time, and even his talk of whores (which sounded like it came straight out of my John Wilkes Booth script, thank you very much). He was a great baddie in the sense that he was completely ridiculous, which I haven't really felt in a villain since the Mayor of Season 3 (although The Trio in Season 6 were top notch as well). But as for the episode as a whole?... well, it sort of went slowly for me, considering it was all a build-up episode for the final arc. Most of the time was spent reintroducing Faith and having stern looks between Buffy and Giles. In the end, Giles had nothing to do. Not sure if he will have a role in the final arc of the season... Faith was a pleasure, as she really played off of Spike well. Although her talk of being a naughty school girl felt too old school for me (no pun intended), I did like the way she was staring at shirtless Spike, and I loved Spike's return comment when he was compared to Angel having a soul... Dawn got to stare at Faith. We can definitely see the chemistry there... Willow got to stare at Faith, but in a cuddly sort of way... Anya was... well... in the credits... that's about it (or actually, that was it, oddly enough)... But to me, along with Caleb, the two stars of the show were Buffy and Xander, as Buffy made some pretty horrible speeches but at least put up a good fight (gotta love the completely unrealistic, double uppercut move she did), and Xander? Well, he pulled off a decent speech, although it finished on a cheesy note (you gotta love Andrew crying, of course). He made a brilliant comment about Matthew Broderick and the American Godzilla that I think all geeks can approve of, and honestly, I don't normally get psyched out by scenes on the television screen, but Caleb just looked so damn happy as blood gushed from Xander's eye that it truly did make it a memorable moment to me. I did feel sorry for Xander, and it was all done quickly enough that it was a purebred shock (and ironically iconic, as eyes seem to be a theme this year, with the flesh eating demon getting killed by thumbs to the eyes, the Ubervamp getting stunned by a crossbolt to the eye, and of course, Xander's speeches about seeing everything). And all in all, Dirty Girls did set up a powerful arc that will hopefully leave the Buffy series a legacy in its viewers eyes. Because honestly, how can you not love a show where a Slayer blocks a Vulcan Nerve pinch?

Well, at least for us Trekkies, we can't resist a Vulcan Nerve Pinch or two... T'Pol was the second star of this week's Enterprise episode, Horizon, as she pulled off quite a bit of comedy for such a strait forward B-plotline (centered around a B movie). I felt her ssshushing of Dr. Phlox during the Frankenstein movie felt contrived, as even I can't sit still in a black and white movie these days... But her final dinner scene with Tucker and Archer? It was absolutely brilliant. As an outsider geek, I absolutely agreed with her that Frankenstein was the protagonist. But, um... I don't think I would've gone so far as to recommend the movie to her Vulcan superiors... she truly was the Bride of Frankenstein in that sense. She should have her own movie (in bloody Enterprise fullscreen quality... uggh...), although 50000 online sites dedicated to her should suffice for now... But really, Horizon was actually one of my favourite Enterprise episodes of the year not because of T'Pol, not because of my hero Tucker, and not because of Archer... but oddly enough, because of Mayweather, who's only pivotal moment on the show beforehand was acting as the dead guy in Dead Stop... But really, as hard as it is to believe, Mayweather finally did get a brilliant episode where he truly shined. I loved the return of the sweet spot, where Travis went to first relax and then to mourn. I loved the endearing looks his mother gave, as she really did seem human for a person who's been on a ship for so long. I especially liked the girl in the red T-shirt, although she really seemed to stand out of place in that scene, not just because she was wearing such vibrant colours, but because... um... why was she even in the episode? She was in just one scene, then disappeared... weird... unless it's for future romantic possibilities, reincarnated romantic possibilities that is, but I digress... I thought the scenes between Mayweather and his brother were played out very well as well. It took a long time for the episode to admit that they were a band of brothers, but you could actually tell just through the acting that the distance between them could only be formed by the closest of bonds. But most importantly, my favourite scene in the episode? It was when Mother Mayweather pointed out the chart of all the planets Travis wanted to visit as a child. It brought back fond memories of my childhood dreams (that stemmed from oh, about 5 minutes before the show started), as I made plenty of charts (and X-men rip-off cards) back in my day (well, road maps actually... to scale... but that's besides the point...). It was used for good measure too at the end of the episode, when the rebonding between the blood of brothers was short enough to actually feel real... between two proud guys who can't properly emit and admit their feelings like tachyon radiation, at least...

But strangely enough, in this Mayweather episode, there was just one problem... I loved the music, I loved the girls, I loved the mother, and I loved the brother... I even liked the set designs of the cargo ship... but, um... liking all the above, definitely was a problem... because the only problem with Horizon, was Travis Mayweather himself... compared to the warm, tender acting done by his mother, or the cold hearted distance played by his brother, Travis Mayweather felt completely outdone in terms of acting. Probably the only scene where he truly shined was when he was eating the strawberry or whatever food ration pack, and noted that the real stuff just didn't taste the same... So in the end, I guess this wasn't really a Travis Mayweather episode, but a 'Mayweather' episode, if you know what I mean... but still... it was such a great episode that it truly made me forget all about the Tucker, Archer, and T'Pol (TAT... not T & A though...) episodes in the recent past. And actually, now I'm set to jump on the opposite bandwagon and claim that Enterprise has truly been fair to its supporting actors and actresses. Reed got both Shuttlepod One and Mine Field. Phlox got whatever that plague episode last year was called, and A Night in Sickbay to some extent... Mayweather now has Horizon and Fortunate Sun, although he'd probably want to scratch the latter off his resume... and Hoshi?... and, um... Hoshi?... well... she was the first to sleep with an alien on the show, and got to prance around Enterprise half naked, which is good enough for me... So you see? Everyone on Enterprise is given a fair chance... unless I'm forgetting someone, but I guess it doesn't matter if I am...

Friday, April 11th, 2003

Y2kk Update: To Zelda or not to Zelda, that was the question... but simply by the fact that I'm here and now, writing this update when I really should be studying, I guess the answer is obvious where my resolve resides... because truth be told, there is nothing else in my world except for Zelda. A month ago, all I could think of was Ocarina of Time. It was my master. It was my quest... but after just one week, after just one week of playing through The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker on the Gamecube, I finally truly realized why Nintendo gave away Zelda64 for free as part of the Wind Waker pre-order deal... sure, the 600 000 pre-orders helped Nintendo into making Wind Waker probably the fastest platinum selling game for the Gamecube yet (not like that's saying much, considering only Smash Bros. Melee and Super Mario Sunshine actually sold a million copies in a reasonable amount of time), but that's not the true reason why they tempted our deku taste buds with the best game ever made, period... or at least, the best game ever made period, as of one week ago in my mind... Because truth be told, in all honesty, I love Ocarina of Time, more than words can ever tell. But quite frankly, the Wind Waker blows Zelda64 completely out of the water, no pun intended, and it was almost as if Nintendo gave us Ocarina of Time for free, just to prove to us just how great Wind Waker really is, even in comparison to the best game ever made, period... Of course, that's not to say that the Wind Waker has it's faults. So did Ocarina of Time, but that never stopped me from giving it the only perfect score that I have ever given a video game in my mind before... but just to warn you, my review below covers heavy spoilers for the game, and trust me, this is one game you do not want to be spoiled for.

I'm sure you few Y2kk readers out there all know the controversy that surrounded Zelda: Wind Waker as soon as it was first shown at Spaceworld 2001. Everyone was expecting an upgraded version of the graphics in Ocarina of Time. I mean, why mess with perfection? And I'll admit it here and now, that if Ocarina of Time graphics had been shown at Spaceworld, I would've applauded, lauded, and been blown away... But that's not to say that I didn't instantly fall in love as soon as I saw the cel-shaded graphics. Because my God, although Link's face did look a bit strange to me, the Moblins looked absolutely perfect, and I spent that entire night dreaming of dangling on chandeliers... and having visual, virtual orgasms at the beauties and beasts to behold, but that's besides the point... of course, not everyone was an ecstatic as I was about the toon shading, because it's only natural that people would fear change, especially gamers who have nothing better to do than write on the internet like I do day and night, even without a sun's song to sing... Hell, I even wrote a commentary about this whole "Celda" fiasco in my editorial section somewhere. I completely forget what I wrote by now, not like that matters anymore, because all I know is, now that I finally have Wind Waker in my hands?... well... There may not be any chandeliers to dangle off of, but after playing through Zelda GC, I can honestly say that I never want the series to go back to Ocarina of Time graphics ever again. Never again. Because while Ocarina of Time was simply too epic to put into words, Wind Waker is simply too much of an absolute joy, an absolute sun king, bundle of happiness wrapped in gold, to ever, ever be put into words. It doesn't deserve words. It deserves a gust of God's wind.

Because honestly, as soon as I loaded up the game and put in my name, "Thrillhou" (well, "Link" actually), all I honestly did was sit back and stare in amazement at the awe-inspiring graphics before me... I knew the game was only running at 30fps, but I swear to God, even with fifty baddies swarming all around Link at once, the frame-rate never dipped and never took a nose-dive, but rather seemed more fluid than even a powerhouse computer running Unreal II or whatever at 100fps... I never saw a hint of slowdown (except for those odd seconds of loading time), not once, and believe me when I say that the animation in this game puts all other games to shame. I mean, I now look back at Ocarina of Time graphics, Grand Theft Auto 3 graphics, and yes, hell, even Metroid Prime graphics, and all I can think to myself is, "we actually considered those to be good graphics?"... I know this sounds corny, but believe me when I say that you have not lived life until you have seen Zelda: the Wind Waker in action. Simply the way that Aryll bobs her little ass back and forth was simply the most adorable thing I had ever seen on screen. Simply the fire pillars burning in the first dungeon had me sitting there for ten minutes straight, just staring as if I was staring at the stars... and the stars? I have never seen such detail put into the night sky of all things in games ever before, as I've spent more than a fair share of hours just gazing at the sky, at Orion's Belt and the Great Dipper and the phases of the moon of all things... as if I was watching the real thing or some luny crap like that... And like I mentioned before, the animation in this game is more than just wow. It's more than just flawless. It's more than a thousand words of a scribe can ever describe. The only thing I can classify it by, is by saying that it's Zelda. From the gaping mouths of the Moblins in Forsaken Fortress, to the way and sway that Tetra has when she crosses her little legs, to the way the Poes scurry and get jiggy wit it when they little legs become corporeal, to even the way your grandmother smiles when she sees your face, there are simply too many times to tell in this game where I simply sat there stunned, amazed and in disbelief that I was actually watching a video game. As soon as I saw the seagulls soaring in the sky as I sailed my ship, I just knew... I just knew my ship had arrived, and I had finally been set free... I was my own man... I was the strongest Link... of course, I was actually in my parent's basement at the time, but, well, you know the drill...

I cannot even begin to remember how many times the graphics alone in this game wowed me to the point of goddam orgasm... Who here among us did not widen their eyes as much as Link's at the sight of Gohma rising from the depths of magma?... evil magma, with evil talking seabass... Who here did not find the design of Valoo to be simply breath-taking, resulting in him being one of the coolest game characters I have ever known?... not to mention breathing fiery life into one of the coolest cut-scenes I have ever seen before... Who here among us did not drop their jaws at the eye candy that only Molgera could bring, as simply the sight of that sand-worm literally roaring across the dusty skies and dunes reminded me all too much of the first ever time I picked up an N64 controller for Ocarina of Time... Because honestly, no game has ever amazed me like Wind Waker has... not since Ocarina of Time, mind you... No game has ever captured my imagination as Wind Waker has. Not since Ocarina of Time, at least... The thing about Wind Waker, is that the designers knew they had a problem. After designing perfection in the form of Ocarina of Time, after a stunning transference from the 2D world into the 3D world, they had to ask themselves, how could they possibly reinvent the genre yet again, and bring back the magic that only the first sight of Gohma could bring?... and heh... almost as if they had read my mind, just to remind me of who I was and who I am, they managed to make me jump, and tell me how high, at merely the first sign of Gohma in Wind Waker almost as much as I did in Zelda 64, a feat that I never thought could be possible again if you asked me just two weeks ago... Nintendo and Miyamoto set their heart pieces and minds on designing a world of cartoons, where everything feels natural, because it's not supposed to be real and we come with no preconceptions. And the irony of the situation is, through Wind Waker, and through cel-shaded graphics... well, some may claim that playing through this game is like playing through an anime cartoon, but I'll go one step further, and proudly and valiantly say, that the Wind Waker isn't just the best game ever made... it's the most realistic game I have ever played, period... Somehow, Nintendo has reached for the stars and achieved the impossible, making giant squids in the Great Sea, forest people evolving into talking trees, wide eyes, toothless smiles, chubby heads, and glowing treasures under the sea feel more precious, more treasurous, more pearlous, more perilous, and more real to me than any world I have ever experienced before, video game or not. Some argue that Wind Waker is merely an evolution of the Zelda series. I agree. But the pundits also fail to mention, that it's also a Renaissance not just for video game art, but also for the world and all our conceptions as we know them. And with Zelda leading the revolution, all we can do now is let the wind take us to where it wills, and let the gods decide our fates.

But of course, it's not just the graphics that make all this "realism" possible. It's the entire game as a whole. A Zelda game is simply too much of a masterpiece, or a Master Quest, to ever be analyzed as just parts of its whole. But it's safe to say that without the graphics, and without the sounds, and without the grand characterization that comes with the characters in this game, none of the joys of Wind Waker would simply be possible... Like I said earlier, just somehow Aryll bobbing her head and ass left and right, left and right, like the cutest of bobble heads, had me weak at the knees. And somehow, just seeing Tetra follow me around the castle stairs up and down, down and up, and up and down, had me staring with a smile and a hard-on for God knows how long... simply the way Link's grandma softly shifts her head, simply the way Medli tilts her hair after fainting from the truth, simply the way Prince Komali rubs his little ball with that solemn look of sorrow in his eyes, and simply the way goddam Makar (God, I hate you Makar...) shakes his little bottom when standing before the Great Deku Tree, shows me more than words and polygons can ever hope to achieve, and makes every other game's attempts at emotion feel like bloody dust in the wind... My God, because it felt real... because Wind Waker felt so damn real. It's the little things in life that matter, and goddammit, the things and Tingles in Wind Waker goddam felt real. Just the way Link nods his head, just the way he shifts his eyes, just the way the wind blows his hat, just the way rain drips off his suit like tears, and simply the way he tightened his focus and tigered his eyes as he was catapulted out of the pirate ship... I mean honestly, has a game ever made me feel this way? Ocarina of Time made me feel panic. Ocarina of Time did make me feel pity. And rest assured, Ocarina of Time did make me feel powerful. But did it ever make me feel courageous, as I did when Link went one on one with the great Ganondorf? Did it ever make me feel wise, to wonder about the wise men, to wonder what happened to the sages and the races of long time past?... but Wind Waker goes beyond all that. Because not only did it feel real, but it made me laugh. I laughed with Tetra as Link kept waving to his grandmother on Outset Island. I laughed along as Link was catapulted into Forsaken Fortress. I laughed when he was blown up by the goddam goddess statue, and layethed the smackadown on his own ass as he rammed into the Tower of the Gods... all of these things are cartoony, and yet all of them felt real. Because when was the last time I was able to laugh at a game, for reasons besides the patheticness of polygonal acting, at the very least? The Wind Waker has honestly achieved something that I never thought video games could achieve. It made me truly relate to the characters, without voices, without cinematic movies, without digitized actors, and mostly importantly, without "realistic graphics"... somehow, without all these, the Wind Waker has achieved reality. Some ask, what is the Matrix? I ask, what is the Wind Waker? What is the hero of winds?... Are you listening to me, or are you staring at the Aryll in the red dress?... For this game doesn't just feel real. It doesn't just feel intimate. But rather... it has done something that not even Shakespeare could do in my eyes... it feels human.

Or actually, it feels mythical... it feels epic... it feels legendary... Like I said, I knew right from the start that this game would have me on the edge of my seat, and on the edge of the busted hotness Master Sword, and trust me, the starting sequence alone was so perfect that it already had me begging for mercy... The music used as the tale of ancient Hyrule was told was nothing short of astounding, and who here didn't get chills up and down their spine when they heard the classic Zelda overworld theme blaring with the riding of the coming of the Hero of Time?... and who here didn't feel that same chill ripple right back down their backs as the people prayed for their Hero to return... but he never came... Simply put, words cannot describe the utter joy and astoundment I felt when I first witnessed that introduction, as I can honestly say that it was the best intro I had ever witnessed in a game, period... it played off our emotions. It played off our nostalgia. It played off our hopes, fantasies, and Zelda beliefs, and I loved it... And as for the best scene I have ever witnessed in a game, period? At first, I was going to chalk it up to Wind Waker's first visit to Hyrule Castle... I was stunned as the rest of you when I saw the entire place in black and white, frozen in time forevermore... I was going to chalk it up to just seeing the seven sages immortalized in stain glass on the walls as I saw the Master Sword I wish Link would never give up... well, I was going to chalk it up to this scene... but alas, it's going to have to settle for simply second place, because honestly, has there ever been a scene as moving and brilliantly put forth as when Tetra and Link visit Hyrule Castle together to learn the truth?... honestly, I know some people found the truth to be obvious. I even read one online comment that you had to be mentally deficient to not know that Tetra was actually Zelda reborn... and, well... so maybe I am mentally deficient. So sue me, as my university marks seem to imply... But in more ways than words can tell, I am glad that I didn't know better, because I was absolutely shocked and delighted when I realized Zelda was in the game... and right under my nose, if these cel-shaded characters have noses... and honestly, as Zelda's lullaby began playing in the background? I almost began to cry in joy... Ocarina of Time did nearly make me cry in nostalgic sorrow, but Wind Waker? Have I ever cried in joy? And yet this game made me come so damn close, closer than anything "real" ever did... but it wasn't just Zelda's return that made me feel so damn warm inside, as if I was reuniting with long lost family... It was also the return of the King, not seen since A Link to the Past, that got my all chalked and choked up inside. I never connected the dots, that the "King" of the Red Lions might mean something, and I was so damn blown away by the return of the Link to the Past Hyrule Castle theme, that I was pretty much tear jerking by the end of all the revelations... I had just played Ocarina of Time a week before, and yet this scene alone made me feel as I hadn't seen the game for hundreds of years... It truly made me feel as if Ocarina of Time was a legend, a candle in the wind, a lost legend forgotten in time. And it made me feel as if Wind Waker was real, that it was here... that it was now... as if I was a hero... as if I was real...

If you asked me a week ago, except for the huge revelatory scenes, I would've said that the music in Wind Waker pales in comparison to Ocarina of Time. I mean, the ballads you conduct with the baton hurt my ears compared to the soft tunes of the Ocarina, and so did the musical octanes you play every time you hit a baddie now that I think about, and the dungeon themes in Wind Waker simply cannot compare to the tunes found in the Forest and Fire Temples... and yet... and yet... I'm sorry, but I've changed my mind. After a week of Wind Waker, I've found that I've been humming the overworld theme and the Dragon Roost theme over and over again in public without even noticing it. After a week of Wind Waker, I've found that I get all misty eyed whenever I hear the Celtic folk song at the title screen... and hell, I get even more watery-eyed now than I did before, every damn time I hear the improved remix of Zelda's lullaby, especially at the end of the game... the thing about Wind Waker, is that the music is so subtle in the background, that it fits the game even more perfectly than the notes in Ocarina of Time did. Ocarina of Time had truly epic music... but Wind Waker has music that truly feels natural... or real... or better... or perfect... or better than perfect... it feels like Zelda... hell, it feels like home...

But alas, no matter which game you play, no matter how perfect it may be, it'll never be good enough for those who find fun in faults, and it's here that I'll address the issues that the very vocal minority on the internet seem to have with this game. First of all, the game simply was too short, and I'll agree. I was crying for more at the end. It's said that Miyamoto cut two dungeons out of the game to ship it out in Japan on time, and considering the fire/ice arrows, the iron boots, and the power gloves or whatever, were all accessible within ten minutes of each other in the game, I think I'm inclined to believe the Windfall rumour reports... and I won't lie to you. I truly did felt that the game would've been even more perfect if two more dungeons had simply been added, or if mini-dungeons had been added for the Triumph Fork shards. But the truth of the matter for me is, as perfect as Ocarina of Time was, it suffered in my eyes from having too many dungeons. I mentioned in my Zelda64 review that I've never looked forward to playing the Shadow and Desert Temples, and my opinion still stands. The dungeons had gotten tedious by that point, and I for one am glad that Wind Waker never felt boring to me, not once in the game. And if I was a programmer? I'd pick short and sweet over long-winded and woken tediousness anyday... But did Wind Waker feel easy? Now ay, there lies the rub. I can always argue that the gamers on the internet are simply too damn good for their own damn good, that after breezing through Ocarina of Time and bragging night and day about it, that it was only natural to pick up a game with 99% similar mechanics and breeze through it in even a shorter amount of time... especially after games like Dark Cloud, Star Fox Adventures, Ratchet and Clank, and whatever else honed our skills even more to perfection... But even through it's true that aging and more experienced gamers will always find new games easier than originals (unless they're bloody hard like Contra: Shattered Soldiers), that still doesn't change the fact that a lot of people are holding Wind Waker's ease of difficulty against it for moral reasons or whatever, a logical and understandable yet irrational grudge that I simply cannot agree with...

The thing was, I personally did not feel Wind Waker was easy. I guess I'm a mentally retarded five year old infant then, as one internet critic openly claimed... so sue me... But even though the game itself was not easy, it wasn't difficult either. I did not die once in Wind Waker. I didn't even get killed by that big, black, fat bastard pig on Outset Island (since I, um... sort of ran like a little school girl into the water where it dared not follow me). And the only part of the regular game where I needed to use a fairy was in the 50 room gauntlet, where I needed a pick-me-up by the time the 45th room arrived. But that's combat for you, which aside from the now-useless jumping slash, was completely honed to perfection in this game, all thanks to 1000 hits on Orca... But did I find the puzzles in the dungeons to be easy? Absolutely not. Sure, the internet can brag how they can just look around a Zelda room and solve everything in seconds, but quite frankly, I could not. It took me ten minutes to figure out to use the damn Deku Leaf to blow myself on flowers or what-not. It took me half a damn hour to finally solve that damn mirror room in the Earth Temple. It took me twenty damn minutes just to find which room to go to in that massive column in the Wind Temple. And I'm sorry, but I even had trouble in the first temple, as I really didn't know what to do with some of the enemy weapons when you picked them up. So maybe I am mentally deficient. But whether I'm an idiot or not, that's not the point. The point is, in the end, I found the difficulty in this game to be perfect... well, maybe not perfect... nothing's perfect, except for Zelda... I may have beaten the game in six days, but I did it because I refused to put the damn controller down, even with exams biting at my ass. And yes, I admit that none of the regular bosses were difficult... I mentioned how Molgera had so much style, freaking me out with those tiny worms jumping in the sand everywhere. But after I took him out, I noticed he hadn't even hit me once, or that at least I had somehow regained all my hearts, which was funny, considering I was so damn scared of his stupid ass (and sort of ironic later on, because he made me use a fairy when I faced his redux ass again in Ganon's Tower)... But as for Puppet Ganon? And as for the final showdown with Ganondorf? I had to use both helpings of Grandma's soup for Puppet Ganon alone, as I really had no clue what the hell to do against him. And as for Ganondorf?... I don't know about you, but he was absolutely the best final boss I have ever played in a video game, period... or at least, that I can ever recall... I've always wanted to do battle with swords, and thus, the Triforce granted my wish... The setting of the ocean rain was amazing, and the brief cutscenes where Zelda was involved made me feel as I was living out those cartoons I always dreamed of when I was small... I had to use a fairy on Ganondorf the first time I played him, as I wasn't the best with parries at the time. But the second time I faced him?... yeah, I admit he only took a minute to beat, which kind of surprised me in the end. I can see why people are disappointed in this final battle, if they were so damn good at parries in the first place... but honestly... um... they can boast and brag all they want that they're disappointed. But I for one? I'm glad that according to them, I'm mentally deficient. Because after all my troubles, after all my turmoils, after all my trials and tribulations, it was just so damn satisfying, and so damn surprising, to lay the final blow and lay the Master Sword, all in one swift strike, to rest in stone for all eternity... again... or, um... again... yes, again...

And as for the other problems with the Wind Waker? Some complain about the blurriness in the backgrounds, even though it was done on purpose. I mean, the human eye can only focus on one thing at a time, right? So it's kind of ironic that gamers were complaining about a graphical tweak that actually made things more realistic... But I do admit, the blurriness did hurt my eyes at first, but after a while, I got so used to it, that now Halo and even Metroid Prime looks bizarre and unrealistic in comparison... Some people complained about graphical clipping while sailing the ol' clipper ship, but I never saw clipping in the game once, and I'm thankful for that. However, I do get those stupid white vertical lines on screen that many gamers are complaining about. They show up during black backdrop cutscenes, and when the skies over the seas change from dusk to dawn and vice versa. And I won't lie. Those white lines are damn annoying, and it bugs me to hell how the debuggers failed to spot such an obvious bug in all of their heroic attempts. But I will also admit that I rarely ever notice the lines, as the game has simply so much happening on screen that the white just fades into the background... And as for the backgrounds again, some people are complaining that the draw distances aren't real, that through the looking glass and through the telescope, you can only see shadows of objects. And of course, some are complaining that the overworld isn't really big when you combine all the islands together and get a land mass smaller than that in Ocarina of Time... and, um... yeah... so, um... what's your point, Vanessa? Because honestly, who throws a shoe? Honestly? I agree with some that sailing can get boring (although it never did for me until I got the Ballad of Gales, and as I grew more impatient that I was wasting hours on virtual sailing rather than exam studying), but honestly... um... they're complaining that the world is too small, because it takes half an hour to get from one side of the map to the other? I mean honestly, yes I admit that the infinite draw distances are not real. Yes, I admit, the world is mostly water and not really land. But the fact of the matter is, yes both are illusions, but to me, they feel real because they're just so damn executed well. To me, the Wind Waker line of sight feels infinite, even if it's an illusion. The massive world feels massive, even if it's an illusion. And yes, it's also true that the emotions and characters and graphics and everything in the game feels real, even if it's an illusion. Because the fact of the matter is, Zelda is still a game in the end. But it feels real, because Nintendo and Miyamoto know every trick in the trade. And I for one prefer tricks and illusions over a supposed "world" that you can walk across in three minutes flat... It's like saying a movie sucks because it's not real. It's like saying the most token of novels has no meaning because it's not real. Some have those opinions, but opinions are not imaginations. And I for one stare at the stars and the seas every single damn time I ride with the wind, and I for one can't get enough of the sense of adventure, exploring caves and hunting ghost ships and even checking mail boxes, that only this game has ever delivered for me.

There is simply so much to collect and so much to discover and so much to see in Wind Waker, that it puts all previous games to shame, even Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask... but the thing was, I was disappointed in the end... I admit, I was disappointed in the ending. I was expecting the usual Zelda fanfare, of a sad sob story and an overlook of the landscapes of the overworld... what I got instead, was bubble tea with faces... But as the melody in the background shifted from the start screen music to Zelda's melody, I noticed something... I realized something... we always define the ending of a game or movie as what happens after the climax, but don't you think that's pretty bloody unfair? Shakespearean tragedies get their endings counted from the entire last act of the play, so why can't the same be said for Zelda? And honestly, remembering back to the way I felt when I first saw the Sun shimmering over the ocean, harking back to when Ganon transformed into a massive monster, shocking me like only Ganon has ever done before... and honestly, when Ganon gave his speech about the Gerudo, I finally realized for the first time that they were nowhere to be seen in the game... I almost felt sorry for him... I almost felt sorry that I had to take him down... I almost felt sorry for him, when he maniacally laughed in insanity at the sight of the Triforce in the touch of the King. And I almost felt sorry for him, when he breathed his last gasp, and became the stone that will forever sheath the Master Sword... I awed my eyes in amazement at the sight of the ocean caving in on Hyrule. And God, you should've seen the look on my eyes, when I laughed in relief at Zelda's comment, "Sorry, I overslept", only to realize that for the first time ever, she was going to kick ass with me... And when you take all of that into consideration, when you take the entire ending as everything from Puppet Ganon and onwards, then I swear to God, the Wind Waker has absolutely the best ending that any Zelda game has ever had, and it was probably the best ending I have ever witnessed in a video game, period... or possibly the best ending I have ever experienced ever, no matter the medium... Did it leave questions unanswered? Absolutely. That's Zelda for you. Always leave them hanging. That's the best and oldest trick in the book... But if you check some decent Zelda forum postings, you'll find that there's a conspiracy theory going around, that the King was a bigger participant in all this than any of us ever thought before. I just assumed at the end of Wind Waker that he destroyed Hyrule rather than reviving it, because he knew Hyrule was just his world, and by saving it, he would in essence destroy Link's and Tetra's world above the seas. He realized that he was living in the past, so he killed it, both the past and himself in the process... and we all thought he made a stupid wish, considering he could've wished for anything, and considering we're as bound to Hyrule from Ocarina of Time as his sorry ass was... or at least, that's what I assumed... and it still holds true... but after reading up on the internet, whether these conspiracies are right or whatever, they truly did make sense... that the king was not as good as we believed him to be... that he was always there at opportune times simply because he knew what was meant to be... and that his guilt-ridden choice at the end has more to do with the passings of time and passing of the game than anything I've mentioned above, but I digress... because that's one story that I won't bother Zora diving into in this massive Y2kk Update... or the plot holes of why the Zoras would need to evolve in a world of oceans, or why the Zoras still exist in A Link to the Past... but instead, let's just see where the wind takes us...

And honestly, when I think back to the whole experience that can only be summed as Zelda?... all I can think is... well, I'm speechless, despite the irony of it all... because I know my writing cannot nearly express what I feel for this game, but honestly... it's not just the best game I've ever played, period... but because I lived it, because it felt real, it's perhaps the most moving story I have ever experienced in my life, period... Link was once again the model of the loss of childhood innocence. He started off as a lazy sloth, and ended up making a conscious and conscience choice to rid the world of evil, even without the Triforce of Courage of the blood of heroes in his veins... Some complained that Zelda was too "feminine" compared to Tetra (and to these people, I say that they're being a little too sexist by trying to be as feminist or "anti-feminist" as possible, especially in an age where barely anyone actually cares about the role of women in Lord of the Rings, but I digress), but honestly, her story came full circle in the end, as she started out not caring for anyone in the world but herself, to actually being the one to start a whole new world. Now, I won't talk about Makar, because I hate Makar, and really wish that fat, plump, frequent flyer bastard would die (but I digress), but as for Medli?... I nearly cried when I talked to Prince Komali afterwards, and couldn't tell him what to do with the flowers he had picked... I nearly cried when I saw my grandmother sick, as she reminded me just a little too closely of my own grandma (sickness and soup included)... and the moment when I was the closest to crying since I played Ocarina of Time for the first time?... it was at the end of Wind Waker, when Link was setting sail in the boat now devoid of any life in its eyes. And when Aryll walked her little cute ass up the pier and waved goodbye with bubbling eyes?... my God, I don't know why, but my eyes nearly shed a load of tears then and there, just from the look of hers... and honestly, that's the power of cel-shading for you... no, nay... that's the power of Zelda for you. Nintendo is genius. Miyamoto is genius. And even though I didn't like Majora's Mask, Aonuma or however you spell his name is now genius... because through the graphics, through the sound, through the music, through the play control... through the magic, through the charms, through the characters, through the feelings... through the dungeons, through the waves, through the adventures, through all the discoveries... through the seagulls, through the hardships, and through the joys, through the classic bout between good and evil, I can honestly say, that Wind Waker is not just the best game ever made, period. But it's also the funnest, most enjoyable game I have ever played, period... a title which neither A Link to the Past nor Ocarina of Time could do anything 'bout or aboot but covet. Not in my legends, and not in my mythology, at least.

I know I sound corny, and I know I sound like I'm exaggerating... But The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker doesn't just feel epic. It doesn't just feel adventurous. And it doesn't just feel legendary. But it feels like so much more... because it feels so damn... real... despite all the premature protests, despite all the naysayers, and yes, despite all the flaws, it feels real... The Wind Waker is not without its problem, but for the traits that truly make it what it is, even a perfect score cannot do the game justice... because it feels like a folk tale, told from the eyes of my grandma's own mouth, from its legends of heroes and monsters and fabled Atlantis-like apocalypses, to the story of a boy who became a man... it feels like a Shakespearean tragedy, from it's humanization of Ganondorf, to its humiliation of that goddam Helmorac King that tossed me into the goddam ocean, to the graying of the black and white King, stalemated in an eternal chess match, quote the Helmorac, nevermore... Wind Waker feels like a tale of morality of biblical proportions, with its eternal battle between good and evil, right and wrong, internal and external, all mixed and nixed with the fury of the floods and a bloodlust of the gods... but most importantly, because of all the islands to see, because of all the people to discover, because of all the characters with feelings, this game feels... well... it feels like Zelda... it feels like a life I loved and lived... And what more can I say? I'm dying for a sequel, and there lies the irony of it all... This game left me screaming for more. Was it brilliant? Yes? Was it my light, my Triforce? Without a shadow temple of a doubt... but did it satisfy me? Did it quell my cravings? Did it silence me forevermore?... absolutely not... Unlike Ocarina of Time, unlike A Link to the Past, it left me kicking and crying for a sequel. It's greatest fault is that I simply wanted more, when Zelda normally delivers all in shades and spades to satisfy me like no game can... But really, despite all my words, despite my mammoth Wind Waker review, there is still one thing that I haven't been able to convey... because, well... it's not just that I love this game... It's that, as I was staring at Link's and Tetra's faces in bubbles at the end, I realized something...

... I was happy...

I wasn't satisfied, and I wasn't as sad as I was at the end of Ocarina of Time... but I was happy... happy for them... I felt a sense of contentment for the two... honestly, this game was just so damn good, that it made me smirk and quirk a smile in happiness... it nearly made me cry in joy... Because that's what it was. A bundle of pure joy wrapped in gold lining. It was a link to happiness. It was my precious Zelda. No game has ever made feel so damn happy before. As corny as that sounds, and as fanboyist as that sounds, it's true... it awoke in me a gust of God's wind... And if that isn't enough proof that it's the best game ever made, period, then I don't know what is...

Thursday, April 10th, 2003

Y2kk Update: I'm facing a moral dilemma here.. To Zelda or not to Zelda, that is the question. Because you see, I finished the game... I finished The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker on Monday... it took me four days to finish the game with 16 hearts, but even with exams bearing down on my neck, I still held stronger than the wind, and I haven't felt more satisfied with a game since... well... since I don't know when, which will sort of be ironic actually... considering in the Zelda review I'll eventually write, I'll mention that I was ultimately not satisfied with the game in the end, which was both a plus and a downside in the end... oddly enough... to contradict or not to contradict, that is the question... But like I said before, to Zelda or not to Zelda, that is, well, the question... again... The thing is, I can write my Zelda review tomorrow or on the weekend, even though my first exam is on Monday and I really don't understand a thing for it. Or I can simply wait until May for all of my exams to be over, and then write a Zelda review that I wouldn't even  care about anymore... The thing is, I want to write about Zelda now, as it's impacted my life really that much because it's really that damn good. But then again, last week's Ocarina of Time review took over two hours out of my life to write... Do I really want to do that tomorrow with a Wind Waker review, rather than study?... or, um... play some more Zelda?... Hell, why am I even writing this update now? I should be at my Gamecube, playing my precious Zelda as we speak... or, um, I mean, studying... yeah, that's what I meant... studying Zelda... studying with Zelda... mmmm....

But anyhew, why am I writing this update today? Because two episodes of Enterprise have gone by without even a whimper from me: The Crossing and Judgment. I'll try to keep these mini-reviews as short as possible, so short story short, the Crossing came up a little too short for me. I loved the intro sequence, where I was left wondering why an Enterprise-D sized ship with no crew and no warp drive would just swallow the Enterprise whole for no apparent reason, like Jona or Jonas Quinn or Pinnochio or whoever kind of crap, and I loved the design of the interior of the alien ship as well. But special effects aside, the episode came up lacking in the end. Tucker's performance as being possessed by a wisp of some sort was alright in the end, but really the only highlight of the night was possessed Reed telling T'Pol to undress, even though she was practically half naked already. As for the rest of the crew members? Hoshi didn't have much of a moment, except when she kicked like a little school girl when trying to trick Phlox with that broken leg of hers or something. Mayweather got to be the hero and the chicken at the same time, as he first fled from a wisp into the catwalk where sanctuary was found, and when he got his lights decked out by Tucker the possessed. Phlox was meant to have a moment or two in this episode, as he was supposed to end up the hero with that knob thingy at the end. But the so-called climax of the show was all talk and no go if you ask me, and the only Phlox moment I can really recall was when he sedated the not-very ass kicking Hoshi earlier on... T'Pol's only memorable moment came when she was partially possessed by the wisp, only to prove that her mind actually is more powerful than a human's for stupid, damn reasons. Besides that, I can't even remember any of her lines, although opening up Zelda that night might've had something to do with that... And as for Archer? Well, he just strutted around and demanded to have his crew back. Nothing that no other captain would do... except... um... don't get me wrong. I loved how for once, the Enterprise torpedoes could actually do visible damage to a ship, but, um... Archer knew the wisp race was dying out, and yet... he destroyed their entire ship?... cool... no wonder why the Federation has so many enemies in Kirk's time. Because Archer apparently tried to eliminate them all in the name of family honour...

It kind of feels strange, actually. How Enterprise truly has become the Archer and T'Pol show, even kicking Tucker out the spotlight for most nights. Now, don't get me wrong - usually, the combo of the two slash three ends up making me smile for the night in glee, as I enjoyed Judgment for the most part. But the problem with Judgment was, I hate to pass judgment, but it was purely an Archer episode and it kind of stings how to rest of the crew was left out of the show for God knows how many shows in a row... But casting the cast aside, Judgment was enjoyable to me, much more than the usual Klingon flick. Because first of all, the trial had a good atmosphere. I liked the little electroball thingy, and it was a nice touch how the Duras captain guy lied to protect his honour like all Duras guys did in the future. I also thought the judge's get-up was pretty cool, bordering on evil wizard while maintaining Microsoft Word or Worf style, unnecessarily long hair... The one key moment in the episode that truly stood out to me, was that despite watching the Klingons since the first incarnation of The Next Generation, I still failed to see them as anything but warriors, and it was almost a reality slap in the face when Mr. Advocate advocated to me the truth... and thus, the best character of the episode was by far Martok, or Kolos, or whatever the advocate's name was. Now, he was played a little too closely to DS9 Martok's personality for comfort, although he was pissed at the warrior class and not the aristocrat class as everyone's favourite general was. But still, the basic traits were there... you don't kick a man when he's down... or well done... or whatever... Where's the honour in that? And the thing was, Archer was honourable in this episode... a little too honourable if you ask me... He seemed to blend better with Klingons than Sisko and Picard ever did, as he drank bloodwine and tried targ and whatever else he tried to do. He was forceful to Klingons, exactly how he should be, and of course knew more about real honour than any Klingon there except for Martok or whatever. I almost preferred the Archer who proclaimed, "Death to the Empire!", because in the end, this episode seemed more like a friendly, family reunion with DS9 Klingons than it was a first real contact with the enemy... but either way, I enjoyed this episode, because the Kronus (I can't spell the actual 'Q' way or whatever of the Klingon homeworld) scenary was amazing, because the penal colony was a nice reminder of Star Trek 6 (the only original Trek movie that I liked, and still my favourite Trek movie to this day), and because Martok was a lovable guy as always. But did you note anything in my mini-review? That really none of the pros from this episode came from the real cast? And in a way, that's a problem... The episode was entertaining, yes. But Enterprise really can't keep doing this... keeping its crew left in the dark as we the viewers explore the pre-TOS universe all by ourselves...

Saturday, April 5th, 2003

Y2kk Update: I didn't update my download site this week, for the first time in God knows how many months, simply because there's nothing to write about... well, at least, not enough to justify an update during exam study season... But there was one thing that I wanted to get off my chest. I saw her. The girl I talk too much about. I saw her, not like that's much of an accomplishment... we still talk, you know... It's just always pleasantries, and never anything honest, that's all... But the thing was, I knew the lab room she was in on Tuesday, and I knew that by looking for another friend of mine in that room, I was walking into hostile territory, so to speak. But I've done this for the past two weeks, and she never noticed I was there, so I figured everything was just jim fine and dandy, and I could talk to my friend without any sort of confrontation wit her... But just before I was about to leave, I turned around and noticed that the girl I talk too much about had caught a glimpse of me at the same time. And even though our eyes locked for a second I suppose, I just turned around and left the room, pretending to have never seen her in the first place... I was actually hoping that she'd come to me for once, but she never did. She just sat at her post, as any good soldier would do, ignoring me like she always does and how I now do to her... But since the friend I was looking for was apparently an hour late for his lab, he wasn't there at the time, so I knew I had to go round two with this round robin sort of thing and go back to the room. The thing was, the second time around, I just wanted to get the hell out of there after making the delivery to my friend. I didn't want to be seen again, because my heart couldn't take being ignored yet again... But of course, that's when fate decided to piss me off, as the TA started lecturing the class, and in order for me to reach the door, I'd have to walk right by that evil TA and probably get a stern warning (not to mention being noticed by a certain you know who in the background). So I decided to lay low... literally... I sat on the ground and even though I was directly in the line of sight of the girl I talk too much, she never once called my name after it was all said and done. She never once bothered to say hello... She acted as if I was never there, when I know for a goddam fact that she did.

But how can I really blame her for this when I myself am now doing the same to her? Two wrongs don't make a right, I used to lecture my friends to hell with back in Grade 4, and honesty is my current policy I always say, so why the hell am I breaking both of my golden rules?... So out of contemplative guilt yet again, I tried to snap my loser of a losing streak this Wednesday, and I openly sought out the girl I talk too much about like I used to always do, and tried to start a conversation with her... It went to nowhere's ville, but at least, it was a start... She didn't seem to care that I was there, and she still didn't seem to care that I haven't been there for weeks. But alas, even the hourglass and the prettiest lass is forced to follow the laws of men, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean... and that's my emotional, emoticon Y2kk Update of the week. Brings a tear to the eye when you bring it on, doesn't it?... not really... All I know is that's goddam exam season now, and if I don't study like hell, I'll be as good as gone... but I bet she wouldn't even notice...

And ay, there lies the rub... because I've got a problem... I opened up The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker the other day... Wednesday, in fact, exactly a week after I picked the game up from the downtown shop around the corner I always talk about... and that's the problem. It's not that Zelda is bad or anything... it's just that... um... it's too damn friggin' good! It's too much of a goddam god! It's too much of a goddam, friggin' godsend! My God, it's possibly the best damn game I've ever played, period!... and that's a problem! Woe to me, right? Because it's goddam taken over my life! I just beat the Earth Temple and I haven't started looking for any of the Triforce Reeses Keeses pieces yet, but the only reason I've gotten so far this far, is because the game has friggin' taken over my life! I don't need this right now! It's the middle of my damn exam study season, for Christ's sakes! I promised myself when I picked up this game that I wouldn't open it until long after my exams were done, but just like any good Pandora would do, curiousity killed the cat and got the best of me, and now the box is open, and in essence closed before any hope for my future could get out... but oh well, AOL, at least I'll be going out with a smile, because how can I possibly frown when all I think of night and day is the night and day of the best friggin' game I've ever played, period? And I haven't felt this way about a game since... well... to some extent, Super Mario Sunshine (as Metroid Prime never invoked this kind of feeling in me)... but more exactly, I've never felt this way... not since The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time...

As most of us know by now, anyone who pre-ordered The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker from a contract-abiding store (and not one of those reported Gamestop places that sold Ocarina alone, and supposedly pretended as if there was no pre-order deal at all) got precisely for free a bonus disc with The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time and Ocarina of Time: Master Quest on it for the Gamecube... When I first heard of the news in November or December or whatever, and saw all the line-ups in Japan for this deal (even though they only seemed to buy the damn disc to sell on eBay, as they did with all those limited edition XBoxes, but I digress...), truth be told, I was jumping out of my seat in exclamation. I had heard all the rumours for the past year that Ocarina of Time, the best game ever made period, was going to be remade for the Gamecube and released along with UraZelda (which never came out for the failed N64 Disc Drive), and quite frankly, I couldn't have been more ecstatic. I was dying to play this game again, just to get the feel or the organic mechanics one more time before moving onto the next generation of Zelda (both in terms of console hardware, and in terms of Zelda reincarnation mythology). Sure, I own Ocarina of Time for the N64, but every save slot is taken, and I just couldn't let myself delete a profile that I had worked so damn hard on in the past...

So as soon as the American pre-pie-order deal was announced in American, I raced to that downtown GameCentre store of mine, and dotted my name second on their list of Zelda pre-orders... The next month was the longest wait of my life. In fact, it was a little too damn long... and when I say "month" instead of months, what I mean is that Metroid Prime was so damn good that it completely made me forget about the Ocarina of Time disc coming in February. It completely slipped my mind, almost to the puritanical point of red blooded, Fire Temple chanting blasphemy... And as a result of my lack of elation, and also because the shop was downtown and there was no way that I could get to it during my University Reading Week, I picked up my Ocarina of Time bonus disc about a week and a half late, and apparently was one of the last on the list of 40 pre-orderers or whatever to do so... and as a result, I actually got a scalding from the store owner, the guy who never seems to remember me as a loyal and patient customer. The thing was, I had told him about ten times before Reading Week that I live two cities away from the store, and that I would be picking up the game about a week late. But of course, all of this had slipped his mind as he barely even recognized me, and instead of thanking me for being second on the pre-order list, he lectured and spanked me for pre-ordering something and not picking it up on time. Sure, I understand what a pain it was for him to just keep a copy of the damn game on a damn shelf until I finally arrived... yeah, that's really a pain, to just leave it there... Sure, the temptation to give the free game to paying customers must have been... well... tempting... but honestly, I lost a lot of respect for this game guru guy there. I don't like being forgotten. And I sure as hell don't like being ignored... for I shall never ignore Zelda... my precious Zelda... my world, for the world is not enough... my precious Zelda... it's mine! All mine! MWAHAHAHA!!! GWAHAHAHA!!!... but, um... I digress.

Yes, I digress, because here I am, finally at my long awaited Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time review, and yet I still have barely even mentioned the damn game... but truth be told, I guess I'm stalling for one reason and one reason only... I don't think I can do this game justice in words... And actually, to be honest... in a way, this Zelda 64 review of mine has been five years in the making, ever since I first finished off Ganondorf in the 1998 edition of the game (although I didn't pre-order it, as Wind Waker is the first game that I've ever pre-ordered, so I didn't get the goddam gold cart back then in the golden ages, but I digress again), and ever since I laid eyes on the only ending of a game that has made me want to cry in sorrow and joy (well, Super Mario RPG came close...), I knew... I just knew, that I couldn't bottle in the fairies of my frustration any longer by not writing a damn review about the game. And thus, that was probably the first ever time I decisively decided to make myself a website, entirely devoted to video games and computer accessories and the crap of my life, oh my... of course, that dream ended up as nothing but fairy dust until this no-name site finally opened last year, though Download readers would know about my failed one week incursion into the 1998 or 1999 online world. That website was to have three things: a review of Ocarina of Time, a FAQ for Zelda: Majora's Mask, and an article outlining why I would never want to play Zelda 64 on the newly released UltraULE emulator for PentiumIIs 400MHz and up... I never finished any of those three, and that Triforce of would be's never saw the golden realm or the light of day... until now... Until now, when five years late, I will finally write the review that I was never able to write before. But you see, there's just one other problem...

Go ahead and check http://www.gamerankings.com somewhere, and you'll see... You'll see that Ocarina of Time, as voted by all the video game websites of the world, is the best game ever made, period... or at least, compared to every game since internet websites first appeared on the scene (and thus, certain old school gamer friends of mine, with one holding Tetris and Mario3 as the best games of all time, refuse to acknowledge that the site is canon)... And the problem I have is, what can I possibly say about this game that hasn't been already said? I can claim that I can stare at its skies all day long, as the Sun rises and sets to the sound of Ocarina music, and I have yet to ever once get bored, yet I would only be recanting and reciting the same words said by gamers all across the globe. I can claim that the graphics in Zelda were unparalleled for its time, as it rarely suffered from the N64 blurriness plague in the background, and that the colouring effects on the Master Sword alone were priceless, not to mention the spectacular sight of the Hero of Time transforming between ages, and yet all I would be doing is repeating what half of the columnists in the video game industry have already said a million times fold... Because let's face facts: Ocarina of Time was voted by the Academy of Interactive whatevers as the best game of 1998 (although I'm now bitter at them for giving to award this year to Splinter Cell, rather than Metroid Prime, although I guess Halo deserved it last year)... Ocarina of Time has been hailed as the most polished game ever made by God knows how many sites claiming to be unbias. So what the hell is there left to say?... except to do what I always do in a world where everything's been said, and simply say what I want to say... to simply be honest... to not impress, but to simply be honest, in hope that will impress...

And that is, there have only been a few games to date that have invoked a feeling of passion and love inside the bowels of my heart. The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past was probably the first game to truly do so, and thus, it will forever remain in my heart as the best game ever made, period... Super Mario RPG did a number on me as well, but what can you expect when Nintendo and Squaresoft team up?... But the thing was, both of those games only graced and motioned and paralleled how I felt at sparse times at most, mostly during the endings when I thought back to the whole game and realized how much I truly loved it, even if I didn't notice it. But Zelda: Ocarina of Time?... it was priceless... priceless... absolutely Mastercard priceless, for I've never known a game that I loved from the very second I picked it up... and yet... and yet, as soon as Link woke up to the sound of Navi in Kokiri Forest, as he waved his little legs around and rubbed his beady eyes, I just knew... I just knew then and there, like love at first sight (thought that certainly didn't go well for me in the real world, but I dig dug digress), that I would love and cherish this game forever, for every moment in it was priceless... I know I've said this on this site a million times by now, but I honestly can't believe I got killed by Gohma on the first try. I've played him a dozen times since and killed him before he could even blink. He's now one of the easiest bosses I have ever played, and yet... and yet, I died on him the first time, and why? Because my hands were shaking. My boots were quaking. My back was shivering. My gut was fevering. My eyes were thralling. My teeth were gnarling. My heart beat was locked, for the battle that was fought, for I was in a trance, my mind raptured in dance. I was mortifed. Petrified. Stupefied. And all by a game... all by a damn game... God, I was having a panic attack, and why? Because I had never seen a boss so damn threatening. I had never felt a mood so damn enthralling. I had never experienced a game so damn enchanting. And I had never faced an opponent before that could seize the moment and tear me to shreds, just because I was too stricken with fear to know what to do... and now that I look back at that moment, I smile, because no game, both before and after Ocarina of Time, has ever been able to do that to me. Not before, not again, and possibly not ever. And to be honest, I don't even know how Ocarina of Time did it to me. I can blame the Gohma room being dark, or the seizure of the musical score, or the sound of the spider gnashing on the ceiling, or the fact that I still didn't know how to brandish my sword properly in battle... but truth be told, I can't explain why I felt what I did. All I know is, I felt it. And it felt real. And for that, I cannot thank Nintendo and Shigeru Miyamoto enough.

I mentioned above that no game since Zelda has ever been able to make me feel the way I did. But what's ever more amazing, what's even more astounding, is that there wasn't just one moment where I felt the Nintendo difference and the Nintendo magic in Ocarina of Time... hell, I can't even begin to count how many times I felt a Tingle up my spine, no pun intended... because I was in love... Now, I admit that I wasn't a fan of the Jabu Jabu dungeon at the time, but perhaps that was simply because it all seemed so comical in style compared to the Dodongo Cavern, which quite frankly, was the best dungeon I have ever played in a game, period... and sure, the whole Dodongo stage is pretty damn basic now, but back then, when Zelda 64 was fresh?... My God, that stage seemed huge! I got shivers just by looking down as I crossed the bridge to bomb the Dodongo's eyes! I circled in panic and fled in fear every time one of those fire keese came close to my Deku Shield! And it took me forever to figure out a way to beat those eye laser beamos guys, whatever they're called, and trust me, my hands were sweating so damn much every single time I crossed one of their paths... And although my hands weren't shivering nearly as damn much as when I went against Gohma, you've gotta trust me when I say that I was absolutely (and embarrassingly) terror stricken as soon as I saw the Dodongo King roaring his massive head at me... Hell, I was shocked and scared as hell, and so damn jumping in joy when it was all said and done. It was priceless... And believe me when I say no game has ever invoked this kind of emotion in me before... I always say it's the little things in life you cherish. The problem is, Zelda isn't a little thing to me. It's my world. It's my difference. It's my magic.

The problem was, after the Dodongo cavern, things starting settling in... I mean, you can only get scared of a boss so many times until you realize how much of a wimp he is... and there's a reason why I didn't enjoy the adult world nearly as much as the world as a kid. Everything seemed so large when you're young, all thanks to the lowered camera angle, and trust me when I say it makes a world of difference in the world... as a kid, the overworld seemed expansive and overwhelming at times (not to mention the skeletons at night freaked me like hell). But after getting a feel for the game, and after yanking the Master Sword out of the Temple of Time, things just didn't feel the same... Not that I'm saying the rest of the game wasn't priceless. Though I laughed at cheesy Ganondorf, laughing at little Link caught in the Temple of Time, I do admit that I felt a sense of longing and dread when I played the Song of Time to open up the gates to the Sacred Realm. I do admit, that my hands were shaking when I first faced Phantom Ganon (whom I still lose lots of hearts to this day whenever I play him again, since for some damn reason, he's the hardest boss in the game for me). I do admit, that I was spooked out by the music in the Fire Temple, and that I felt horrible for the Zoras (but not for Joe Millionaire's Zora) when I saw their domain frozen in snow and ice... reminded me a bit too much of Canada, and this recent return to Winter of ours, but I digress... I do admit that the sound of Ganon playing on his organ or whatever still chokes me up with dread... I still admit that the first time I witnessed Ganon shapeshifting into his Pygmalion or whatever form, I was so overwhelmed by his presence that I would've probably dropped the Master Sword in fear if he hadn't batted it away... But most importantly and most poignantly, I almost felt a tear stroke down my eye during the ending sequence, when Zelda's Lullaby and Saria's Song played one last time to the sight of all the domains of Hyrule finally at peace... hell, I think I finally did cry when I saw young Link meeting young Zelda again for the first time, for the second time, and despite the glaring time paradox twist, I realized for the joe millionth time yet again how much I loved this game... and how much I wish it would never end, because I missed it so... My love for Ocarina of Time may be timeless. I just wished the game itself was too...

I do not lie when I say Zelda is my world. And that's why my words will never do the game justice. Because how can one put into words the feeling that a world is real, and even more real than the world you live in? How can a man put into words the fact that somehow, magic had covered his eyes, and made him see the citizens of Hyrule in a new light, as not just video game characters, but as living beings with living thoughts? How can a man put into words his feelings of love, as sadly enough, Zelda (and Malon, to an extent) is the closest I've ever gotten to feeling love?... Zelda is my world. Hyrule is my world. And I never wanted to leave it. Not once. And if it's any consolation, I'll admit here and now that I played the game over four times for the N64. I have never beaten a game in whole that many times before... well, except for Turtles 2 and 4 for the NES and SNES, but those games only took 20 minutes to beat each, so they don't count... And even though I could never rekindle that magic I felt the first time I played, when I felt so damn sad for Link when he realized the fate that had befallen Saria, there was still that extra something, that extra touch, every time I finished off Ganon with the Master Sword and realized during the ending, as the Seven Sages looked on with glowing smiles from Death Mountain, that I still love this game, and that I'm still going to miss it, no matter how many times I play it... God, I must've watched the ending a hundred different damn times, for every damn time a Gerudo male was born, no exaggerating, and yet every single time, it had me at hello... It never got boring. It never got old. Instead, it felt timeless, and every single time I watched it, I just felt sadder and sadder that the game was over. Because it hurts when your world is no longer your own. It hurts when you finally realize, the love you feel is simply not real. Because what's real, may not be real at all.

And that's why I was so hesitant to pick up Ocarina of Time for the Gamecube, now that I think of it... It's been three years since I last picked up my Biggeron's Sword and finished Ocarina of Time. Now that I've been accustomed to the Next Generation of graphics and sound, and amazing games like Mario Sunshine and Metroid Prime, could I really pick up Ocarina of Time again and fall in love with it all over again, despite it's blocky graphics, and despite its small-by-current-standards overworld?... I had a decision to make. To Ocarina or not to Ocarina, that was the question... Master Quest was out of the question, since the new Temples in it would throw me off and fail to prove to me what I wanted to know... and that is, is Ocarina of Time still the best game ever made to me, period? Does my love for it transcend time? Can I be the Hero of Time all over again, and adore the game, just once more?... it wasn't long until I popped the bonus disc into my Gamecube, simply to see how it'd fare. All fair's in love and war, and I was definitely taking a chance. Either my love for it would be proven, or I'd simply look back at what it was, and see simply a shell of its former self that I wished I had never seen before. I had placed the game on such a high pedestal in history, as the game that will forever be, and I feared that it would fall like a fallen angel if I were to lock eyes with it and lock Z targeting with it, just one more time... and, well... how did my little gambit go?

That truth be told, The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is still the best game ever made, period... When I first booted it, the first thing that I noticed was that the graphics were gorgeous. Sure the textures looked horrible upon close inspection, but I never do the supposed obvious of walking right up to a wall and critic the designers on how the pixels look (a test that some people even hold against Metroid Prime as well). Instead, the first thing I did was take a total view of Kokiri Forest from atop of Link's treehouse, breathed in a breath of fresh air, and realized how wonderful and welcome the world looked to my longing and watering eyes... Was it Metroid Prime quality? Of course not. But it was nevertheless special... The Gamecube version improves (and somewhat regresses) from the Nintendo64 version in three main ways, almost like the resonating parts of the Triforce. First of all, believe it or not, but the UltraULE like resolutions on the Gamecube make Ocarina of Time look so much damn better than I ever thought possible (much better than UltraULE, which made stuff look like crap on a 15" monitor without scanlines). Sure, it's annoying how objects just appear out of nowhere in the draw distance, but memory issues aside, even after witnessing Mario Sunshine, I can proudly say that I have never seen water more beautiful than that of Hyrule's Great Bay, or the waterfall by the Gerudo Desert. Although Link and Zelda and especially Malon look like cinder blocks compared to today's game figures, I can proudly say that the way they move and the way they dance is still more real to me than any game I've seen since. And I owe a lot of this to the updated graphics and improved frame rate, as Twinrova looked a hell of a lot better now that I could see the witches clearly, and Dodongo Cavern was a hell of a lot improved when I crossed the bridge gap mentioned above and noticed that there was no noticeable frame rate dip whatsoever... In fact, all of the slowdown in the game had been completely eliminated, and for most of the game, such a change couldn't be more welcome.

Of course, the Gamecube version of Ocarina of Time does have its Starbucks drawbacks as well. First things first, the loading times bugged me. As a long time N64 player, it irked me at first how every time you entered a new house or whatever in the Gamecube version, a pause in the music could be heard. And it especially pained me every time I pressed the start button, and heard the sound of music stutter and sputter in the background... But all of these little piss-offs disappeared within the first thirty minutes of my playing time, and even though they were still there, I never noticed them again... that is, until the end of the game that is... and that's the only place where Zelda was nowhere as magical as it was on Nintendo64. Because ironically enough, the final battle against Ganondorf was heightened on the N64 because of its low resolution. On the Gamecube, the energy bolts he throws at you shine may so brightly and colourfully, but they no longer blur the screen, and thus no longer look as large and imposing as they once did to me (although playing through Metroid Prime has desensitized me to energy bolts)... Even worse, the long road down Ganon's Tower at the end was severely plagued by sputtering in the music. Every single time Zelda opened a new door, I knew my ears would cringe at the sound of the ruining of what was once the greatest gaming moment I had ever known... And since slowdown had been all but eliminated in the entire game (except on the way down Ganon's Tower for some odd reason), the destruction of Ganon's Tower was far too quick to be climatic, and Ganondorf's transformation into Ganon moved too damn swiftly to be taken seriously anymore. But worst of all, was the ending itself... As Zelda's Lullaby played and the backgrounds of each world were displayed, I noticed something... everything was moving in slow motion to an extent, and the problem was, the high resolution made everything look damn choppy. The moments that I had cried at the first time I watched the ending were now ridiculous to me in nature, all thanks to unbearable choppiness... and, well... I felt cheated. I felt slighted. I felt shammed. I felt shamed... I felt like the Gamecube version of the game had ruined what hope I had left that Ocarina of Time was still the best game of all time to me... and yet... and yet?...

And yet... when I watched King Zora and what's-his-Kokiri-name staring down in sorrow as everyone else was partying, and as I watched Navi leave Link's side as the bells tolled and the Master Sword was left to rest for all eternity, I felt something... I felt something real... I almost cried... I almost felt a tear shed from my eye, and I knew why... because my gambit had all paid off, for I still loved this game... I still look back on it, and see that I truly did love it... Sure, it had it's flaws. The Bongo Bongo and Desert Temples were poorly designed and somewhat tedious at times. The cliche evilness of Ganondorf sometimes bordered on mwahahaness at times. Navi was goddam annoying for most of the game. The gameplay can be considered linear and almost spoon-feeding at times. And hell, we can all complain that the Original Zelda theme song wasn't used for the overworld, even though I love the overworld music that they did use... and yet... And yet?... all these flaws mean nothing to me. Not then, and not now. Absolutely nothing. Because in the end, all that matters, is that I still get misty eyed every time I jump a fence with Epona, or hear the hoofs of horses caressing the grassy fields. I still feel at home every time I visit the fishing shop, and just sit there for hours as I try in vain to get that damn 35 lb lurker (which I've never been able to do). I still feel a shrill of jubilation every time I jump off a cliff, as bad as that sounds, and somehow land perfectly sound and safe in the shimmering blue waters of Hyrule. I still get all soft and bubbly whenever I hear Zelda's Lullaby. I smile in joy at the sound of Saria's song. I even get Tingles up and down my spine every time I awake in the Temple of Time, as the chanting is still some of the best music done to this day... and hell, I even miss Navi. Goddammit, I even miss Navi! And hell again, for I still feel something... I still feel something special... whenever I meet Zelda for the first time in the castle, and realize that history is repeating itself all over again... for me at least... for dare to dream, I say... if only...

To call The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time an epic is simply not enough, and yet that's the only word that can come even close to summing it up. To call Ocarina of Time a golden realm and a golden age in gaming is simply not enough, even though it's the closest that words can ever get to the truth. Everything about Zelda, from the eternal battle between good and evil, to the legends of the three goddesses, to even the look of the Bunny Ears that I wear as I roll myself across the vast fields of Hyrule, is simply epic, and there's simply no way that even a thousand more of my endless babble of words can ever begin to make you feel what I feel for this game. Such a travesty, because in all honesty, after playing through the Gamecube version, I can honestly and safely say that Ocarina of Time is still the best game ever made, period... so please, I beg of you, blame me for blasphemy, for breaking the golden rule, for doubting in Zelda, for actually believing that a game such as this could never again make me feel the way I do... for I had forgotten, like a legend lost in time, that Ocarina of Time is a game that transcends time. It's a game that even transcends love. It's my hero, for making me feel like the Hero of Time. It's epic, because it makes me shudder. It makes me feel. It's the best game ever made, period, for it makes me feel, both back in 1998 and today, when no other game can. And for a game to still be my favourite game after five years of copycats and so-called epics?... priceless... absolutely priceless... a song of time... for if that's not enough proof that The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time is the best game ever made, period, then I don't know what is.

PS - Just to let you know, this game review and every other video game review that I've written is now archived and available to read in the PC Games & Console Games section of this website. I'll be doing the same with all the movie and TV reviews I've made over the year... and, um... actually, I started archiving them over the Christmas break, but, um... Metroid Prime sort of made me take a break from the actual progression of this website, so to speak...

[c. visitors too bored to return...]
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