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Sunday, May 4th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Battlestar Galactica: The Road Less Traveled Review (Spoilers...) -

I admit, I don't regret traveling the road that was this week's episode of Battlestar Galactica. At least, it was a huge improvement over last week's shit...

But really, that's not saying much. The Road Less Traveled was an episode that had some decent character moments, including the death of some random person that I can't even remember the name of. It featured Lt. Gaeta not being completely useless, it starred the return of Leoben which is always welcome, and there were more than enough gratuitous shots of Grace Park being hot as hell in a tank top aboard the Demetrius. Now, why the hell the writers didn't take advantage of the fact she's a goddam Cylon, and had more scenes (or any scenes) with her interrogating the Cylon prisoner, I will never know. But at least I can't complain about how damn fine she looked the whole hour through...

Problem is, for a cliffhanger episode, The Road Less Traveled seemed like a journey we've been to time and time again. Maybe I could've sided with pussy ass Helo in his mutiny near the end, if only we viewers out there didn't already know that this Leoben was actually telling the goddam truth. The Cylons are at Civil War, his base ship really is damaged and desperate for help, and we know that there are plenty of Cylon stranglers out there just waiting to become humanity's allies. So really, while I could understand Helo's and Sharon's point of view from a completely neutral and ignorant point of view, how the fuck am I supposed to side with them or even give a damn about this cliffhanger when we really know there's no threat out there? In the end, Helo just looks like even more of a pansy, just a dumbass one to boot. WTF?...

This episode centered around Kara Thrace most of all, although her storyline really has gone absolutely nowhere this season. We viewers out there are desperate to find out who the final Cylon is (if it ain't an Adama, it's probably Dualla), or at least figure out what the fuck is up with Kara and her new psychotic nature. What we the audience cannot stand however, is that the writers are dragging out her crazy bitchiness throughout so many fucking episodes with really no plot development whatsoever. Yes, the Demetrius is going in circles, we get it and we were sick of that storyline two episodes ago already. Do we really need to go through yet another hour of the crew bitching and whining and moaning that Kara Thrace has jumped off the fucking deep end? Do we really need more and more screentime devoted to her painting random shit on ship walls and beating up Leoben for the umpteenth time? WTF?...

Surprisingly though, the place where I found the most meaning and peace was with the Tyrol and Gaius Baltar thing they've got going on. Now, I have no idea why the Chief shaved his head bald, except to look like an older and fatter version of his own son. But the conflict he has in his heart, while it bored me to tears last week, felt a lot more real and genuine this week in all the ways he tried to resist Baltar's message but couldn't help himself in the end. As for Baltar, James Callis did a fine job in seeming like a man possessed, or at least converted for real in his own heart. The speech he gave Tyrol at the end really did feel genuine and meaningful, and from our point of view at least, it did not seem like it was forced out by the Six in his head or any sort of crap like that. Now, if I was Tyrol, I'd still kick the crap out of Baltar for shits and giggles instead of shaking his hand. Either way though, this side story plotline for The Road Less Traveled was what captivated me and kept this episode from being the same sort of boring shit as last week's showing was...

I don't regret watching this episode. It kept my interest for the most part, if only because Leela Sevasta by Baltar's side was still looking damn smokin' fucking hot as hell. But if Battlestar Galactica continues dragging on pointless plotlines like they have with Kara Thrace, the Demetrius, and Colonel Tigh dreaming of a young Ellen Page?...

... then it's only a matter of time until I find myself traveling far less down this road...

... since, if this is all the fourth season of Battlestar Galactica has to offer?...

... then I'm sorry Baltar, but it just doesn't sound like the path for me...

Saturday, May 3rd, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Smallville: Apocalypse small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Is it me, or does Tom Welling actually do a good job when directing?...

It boggles the mind really, how the shittiest ass actor in the history of television can somehow turn it around the one or two times he's actually given the power to direct...

And why?... well?...

... wait for it...

... ahem...

"So, they name an episode after a bad Marvel character, force Tom Welling to wear glasses for once, and I actually end up liking it all? WTF?"...

Apocalypse was definitely one of the better episodes of the season, or at least the first half of it was. It really did feel like a Superman show set with Smallville characters and actors, for the first time in God knows how long. The alternate reality that Jor'El was showing Clark Kent, it actually felt a hell of a lot more real than anything a director not named Tom Welling has shown the audience over the past seven years. Here we had a Jimmy that actually acted like an Olsen, a Lois Lane that was actually sexy and smart and kind of kinky, a Chloe Sullivan that was really only there for show and tell with her cute ass hair and smile, and thank God there was no fucking Lana Lang. Finally, we had a real Superman episode, the kind of which we fans have been demanding from the series for seven long years.

And to think, it was all delivered by Tom fucking Welling, as even he was willing to don the Clark Kent glasses for at least five seconds of actual real Superman time. WTF?...

The alternate timeline that Jor'El had concocted in his mind, it actually made a lot of sense when compared to the actual DC universe. Lex Luthor becomes president just like he did in the comic books, although in the latter he never did get to nuke the entire planet before aliens started invading from up high. Now, I will never understand why the fuck Luthor was dumb enough to start the reign of fire over the earth before he had even gotten himself into a goddam bunker, but I don't disagree with the logic of his plan. In that white suit of his, Michael Rosenbaum proved yet again just how much of a bastard he is, treating the whole idea of mass genocide of the human race as if it was the best thing to happen to the world. I guess I wouldn't have had much of a problem if I was one of the selected few to live on in a post-apocalyptic world full of nuclear winter and waste. But meh, since I'm not one of his best and brightest, guess I should be a little pissed at his armageddon...

The real threat behind it all was Brainiac, with Milton Fine being the silent partner behind the scenes. The thing is though, why the hell did he have to use Lex to make his move? Can't Brainiac just touch a random laptop computer, hack every security protocol in ten milliseconds flat, and take over the world's nuclear arsenal as if he was goddam Skynet? Why does he need Lex anyways, why not just lock him and Kara up in a bunker to keep them for Zod, and then nuke the rest of the planet himself? He could've done all that, but James Marsters never likes to steal the spotlight so much, instead letting Michael Rosenbaum prove he's the baddest son of a bitch on the entire planet before the actor has to leave the show. The both of them paired together provided two of the only decent villains this series has ever had, and it was great to see them side by side for at least one episode before the seventh season would end...

I've already mentioned how I preferred the Pulitzer-winning Lois Lane in this alternate timeline, or how Jimmy actually felt like his DC counterpart for the first time in the goddam series. What really stuck out to me in this alternate world though, was actually Kara Kent's (or Kara Luthor's) plight. She cared about Lex, probably with deep feelings like it has been hinted in the past. Not only that, but Lex actually had kept her secret hidden from the world for years, either so he can keep her all for himself or because he does care about her too. The dynamic between the both of them was strangely enough well directed by Tom Welling, and I couldn't help but feel bad for Kara in her situation. She trusted Lex, even if it meant the end of the second world she's known. And then she proved too stupid to dodge even a goddam Kryptonite bullet before it's fired, but I guess she still really has those Clark Kent dumbass genes, no matter who she's raised by...

Out of all of the surprises, Tom Welling putting in a good role while he was directing was probably the biggest shocker of them all. But in all fairness, I actually enjoyed his presence here in Apocalypse, if only because he felt more like Superman than ever before. Whether he was sweeping Lois Lane literally off her feet or trying to get down and dirty with Sheriff Adams on the dance floor, somehow Clark Kent in this alternate universe actually gave a damn enough to make him feel a lot more like Superman. This was one of the usual Sci-Fi "what-if" scenario episodes, showing Clark what life would be like on earth without him, albeit with Jor'El's bias point of view mixed in. And to be honest, I got a real kick out of Apocalypse simply because it showed just what this series could have been if only decent writers and directors had existed on this show. If only we got more moments of Clark Kent pushing up his glasses and getting shot in the gut with Kryptonite bullets, if only we had more truly fateful confrontations between him and villains like Lex Luthor and Brainiac, maybe Smallville wouldn't be the complete waste of utter goddam shit that it is today...

Because unfortunately, as soon as the alternate universe stuff was up, that's when Apocalypse really did feel like the utter demise of television and the goddam series. The moments on Krypton were embarrassingly bad, it was like watching a rehash of the original Star Trek series against the plastic Gorn or some shit like that. Not only was it never explained how the fuck Clark Kent got to Krypton back in 1989 in the first place, not only did Brainiac fucking get killed by a fucking rock from a girl who didn't even have powers on that planet, but where the fuck were Clark's parents there? Did Brainiac steal the baby and then suddenly the two El's just ran off to cower in the shadows of their exploding Red Sun? There was so much potential there for a second part of a cliffhanger episode, yet the writers just squandered it all with the worst budgeted destruction of a planet since the Furlings of Stargate went up in flames. And all this after such a good first half to the episode? WTF?...

Apocalypse to me, really was the definitive "what-if" scenario, of just what this series could have been like if the writers had tried...

... with Lana Lang gone and Kara Kent looking horny as hell sucking down her own milk, how the hell can I not give props?...

Instead though, the series will go down in flames like the planet of Krypton. Because as Jor'El says, you can't change the course of history...

... and alas, I just can't unwatch all the shitty ass episodes of Smallville that I have...

Sunday, April 27th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Battlestar Galactica: Escape Velocity Review (Spoilers...) -

Boring. Booooring. BOOOOORING.

Sorry, with the NBA Playoffs in the air, I've gotten a bit too accustomed to chanting with the crowd. And that's exactly what I would've been screaming at the writers after an episode like Escape Velocity. How can a show with such an exciting episode title turn out to be so damn mind-numbing and goddam frakkin' boring, that it put me to sleep even faster than Smallville's "Sleeper"? WTF?...

Seriously, how the fuck could the writers have ever thought giving us an episode in Cally's fucking memory was a good thing? Not only did they completely ignore the Cylon Civil War, not only did they pretty much forget about everything that made Edward James Olmos into a goddam badass in the series, and not only did this episode feature absolutely zero scenes with Grace fucking Park in it, but we got stuck with a goddam fucking eulogy for Cally of all crazy bitches? WTF?...

The only part of the episode I even remotely found compelling was during Tyrol's descent, screaming at the Admiral to take action against him, to give him a demotion. Everything else about Escape Velocity reeked of a writer who probably fell in love with the first season of the show, tried to mimic its weird frakkin' vibe, but failed miserably thanks to forgetting that half of the episodes from the first season were boring as fuck as well. Everything took itself too seriously in this episode for its all good, especially Tigh sucking face with Six, as there was only one moment that I remotely even began to smile at...

"See my hair? This is a wig" - Madame President...

Ha, sure. Nice fucking wig then. Wish I could get those everytime I was in the middle of cancer treatment...

This episode was a joke, and that's mainly due to how damn far Gaius Baltar has fallen as a character. What the fuck do the writers think the audience is going to get from their obvious allusions to Jesus Christ? He was even spouting the same kind of lines that an evangelistic Christian might at his goddam sermon. Why are the writers stirring the pot like they are? Now sure, I don't mind seeing so many hot fucking groupie women, provided that there are a lot of hot asians among them. Problem was, this week the hotties I care about were really nowhere to be found, and all the others got pimp slapped to make themselves look a hell of a lot less hot. How the fuck are we supposed to care about an episode then, when the only thing to even remotely concentrate on is Gaius fucking Baltar making a mockery of earth religion? WTF?...

"All of this has happened before. All of this will happen again."

... dear fucking God, please don't tell me that's where the writers are trying to go with all this...

Otherwise, simply because the plotline is so damn juvenile cliche and so frakkin' eye-rolling to the goddam maximum extreme?...

... I might as well just give up on the fourth season of the show...

... and jump ship, Cally-escape-frakkin'-velocity-style...

Saturday, April 26th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Smallville: Sleeper small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Do I even need to review this episode? It wasn't worth my time to watch, and it ain't worth my effort to write about...

I've been horribly sick with an onslaught of the flu starting Wednesday, and this was the episode the writers chose to shove my way?..

You bet I'm upset. And why?... well?...

... wait for it...

... ahem...

"Did the writers honestly think this was a sleeper hit? This was the best they could come up with after the goddam writers' strike? They had four fucking months to literally come up with this? WTF?"...

I think we all know the pun I'd rather use on the title rather than "sleeper hit". I guess though, I should thank the writers for one thing. I've been having such a hard time getting to bed with this goddam fever I have, but I sure as hell didn't any issues after watching this fucking waste of an episode...

So, this is how they chose to follow up Descent? By forgetting John Glover ever existed, and by limiting Michael Rosenbaum to just a few fucking token minutes of screen time? Who really cares if he got choked out by some random big brute, and do we honestly care he found a bunch of random compass points that probably lead to the Fortress of Solitude? Knowing Jor'El there, wouldn't anyone who stepped into the fortress just get their fucking asses handed to them? WTF?...

Worse than that, the writers had a severe braincramp when it came to any sense of logic on the part of Chloe and Clark Kent. So, let me get this straight, both of them know that Lex Luthor is after a secret that not only would find out Clark's identity but also control him and the fate of the entire world? And instead of just tagging along with him to Zurich, which would be no problem whatsoever for the boy wonder, Clark decides to have the best conversation he had ever had with Lana Lang instead? Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the peace and quiet is definitely a welcome change of pace for him and his relationship. He's probably communicating better with her than he ever has in years. But seriously, big things are happening in the world, and Clark Kent's only thing to do is sit on his fucking ass like a wet pussy nurse? WTF?...

At least Chloe showed some acting spirit, but even she couldn't save this abomination of an episode script. So, let me get this one straight, the Feds finally catch on to her after she hacks into how many goddam satellites over the past seven fucking years of the show? And instead of asking questions, the ugly as fuck feminine Fed decides to do some random cartwheels and bitch slaps to get the information out of her, in absolutely the most cheese infested and eye-roll inducing storyline that Allison Mack has ever been coerced to cooperate in? Sure, I can forgive the show a few points thanks to how stunning how her legs were in that silly little dance she and Jimmy did. But really, besides the Allison Mack factor, there was absolutely nothing sexy about their tango, as there was simply no chemistry and absolutely zero flow to their goddam rushed routine at all. If this was Dancing With the Stars, I would've sent the two packing the first fucking week. WTF?...

And don't get me even started on Jimmy. Jimmy the fucking Bimmy, this is the fucking storyline they choose to give you? No wonder we perceive you as a clown, considering you somehow have tranquilizer darts literally up your goddam sleeves. Really, the writers actually thought Sleeper, with Jimmy acting as a homeless man's secret agent, could possibly pass as entertainment in this business after four fucking months or more of strike time? WTF were they smoking the whole nine yards? Seriously, WTF?...

Really, I do have to thank the writers for the sleeping pills, but I still want that goddam hour of my life back.

This was perhaps the worst episode I can possibly remember in recent history of any television show...

... and the only reason I didn't write "worst episode ever"?...

... is because I've watched the whole of Star Trek: Voyager as well...

Friday, April 25th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Battlestar Galactica: The Ties That Bind Review (Spoilers...) -

Thank God the bitch is dead.

Is there really anymore that needs to be said? Were we supposed to feel bad for Cally, the psycho-bitch who helped turn my precious Boomer into some sick pedophile lover? How the fuck can I ever side with the crazy red-head against the uber-hot Torri Cylon, especially with how useless of a character Cally's made Tyrol for the past two fucking seasons. How the hell are we supposed to feel sympathy for the bitch when she was willing to kill both herself and her own child, all because of her own racism against Cylons? The series is better without the actress, and I sincerely do hope she's never mentioned again on the show. Cally did best when she was just some orange prop in the hangar bay background, seriously...

With that said, I did not enjoy The Ties That Bind, simply because of all the plot contrivances leading to her death. The Cylons onboard Galactica figure out that Cally may be onto them when it comes to their secret natures, and yet that just happen to blurt all their shit out in one convenient sentence immediately right after, not even guessing the bitch was nearby and listening? How the hell can Tigh be so vacant-minded, and please tell me that Tyrol actually connects the dots after this goddam episode. As for Torri, she may be fucking hot as hell, but does it really make sense that she's gone crazy bitch strong and murderous insane since figuring out what she is? I mean, arguably Boomer was just a switch as well, but it seems that Torri simply is tired of being the good girl and only wants to play nice when the president is around. Don't know if the writers intend that to be part of her programming, but it still is annoying how inconsistent it all is with what we know of her character...

Besides the Cylon people and the crazy red-haired bitch that will no longer be named, not much happened onboard the Galactica. Admiral Adama got to pimp himself out to the president some more, which I know will lead somewhere throughout the season, but sure seems pointless now. I already forget what Lee Adama did as a council member, as this new plot arc of his is simply boring me to tears. And Gaius Baltar, since achieving the high of getting Torri to cry from orgasmic happiness last week, did absolutely nothing in The Ties that Bind comparatively speaking this week. Which is all too bad considering last week's episode certainly showed a lot of promise for the cast and crew, only for this week's show to ruin it all with Cally bitching and squealing like a suicidal pig at the top of her lungs...

God, she's practically the Lana Lang of the series. Except, you know, not nearly as hot...

And I couldn't help but garner a laugh from the cast and crew the writers stuck onboard the Demetrius, searching for earth. I know the producers want to be as fair to every actor as possible in this final season, but really could it be anymore obviously that the Admiral left with Kara simply every underutilized crew member on the show? On the bright side, it guarantees more Grace Park screen time and all that in a sweaty tank top. On the down side, there was no chemistry amongst that secondary group, and their plotline journey went nowhere, both figuratively and literally. What the frak do we give a shit about Anders trying to get back together with Kara Thrace? If it wasn't for Cally whining and grating on the bolts of my goddam speaker sets, I'd nominate Kara for the absolute biggest waste of decibel space of the goddam week. WTF?...

The only real progress that was made this episode came from the Cylon Civil War. Now sure, we didn't get much more than a few random negotiations with the new Six in charge and the old man that's now boning everyone's favourite Boomer. But meh, at least we got a sense that this Cylon Civil War is going to be an important part of the season, and an interesting one at that, provided that the models siding with Six do manage to survive another day. Certainly hope they do, considering it'd be a shame to have just two Grace Park's left in the known universe...

Even more depressing is that on earth at least, we have only one Grace Park to go around...

... but at least now I can sleep more soundly, thanks to there being zero Cally's left in the frakkin' fleet...

... or at least, I can only hope there's none...

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Smallville: Descent small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

I won't deny it, sometimes Smallville gets lucky and produces a good episode. Chances are slim though...

Descent was one of those few episodes that makes you think the writers are just fooling us with their usual shit stains on the wall. Until you realize it was all orchestrated by the actual acting abilities of John Glover and Michael Rosenbaum alone...

Which is why I'm now so depressed for the rest of the season, not to mention the rest of the series...

And why?... well?...

... wait for it...

... ahem...

"Descent is a perfect fitting name, because the series can only go downhill from here. I mean, Lionel Luthor is dead? Who was the brilliant mastermind behind that clusterfuck? WTF?"...

Interesting way for the actor to finally get his ass off of a horrendous series dragging him down. It seems that his death scene was actually filmed for the Veritas episode, but attached as the intro to Descent for some strange reason. John Glover never made a real appearance after his fall, but he certainly did his best Hans Gruber impression along the way. Really, I personally had hoped for a better final send-off for the best actor the series had ever seen rather than just a quick push and demise, but I won't argue that the outcome really did help deliver a great episode overall. Just the stone cold look across the grave between Lex Luthor and Clark Kent at the end was enough to give me hope for the series once more, though false hope considering we know Michael Rosenbaum is not signed for the eight season of the show...

Lex Luthor really was the true star and villain of the show in Descent, and I can't compliment Michael Rosenbaum enough for his performance. Hell, I'll even give some credit to the writers, for depicting the battle between Lex and his innocence and conscience to be something real and dramatic, with touches of brimstone and fire brought into the mix for shits and giggles. This was perhaps the actor's best hour of television I've seen to date, as he really showed a subtle, conflicted side to himself at times battling and raging against the hatred he has for Lionel and Clark. I could've done without all the useless scenes of Gina trying to be the vagina sink sfor all his misfortunes, but at least we got a classic scene of freshening her breath before she had to leave the series once and for all. Too bad, she had damn fine legs, but she just wasn't pimp enough for Lex Luthor and all his newfound badassery...

Outside of the Luthors though, that's where this episode really fell apart. Sure, I can give credit to the writers for completing forgetting about Sarah Marshall and Lana Lang, but what about Kara Kent? Where was our quota on gratuitously hot shots of her in red and blue? And instead of Lana, we just got stuck with more horrible scenes of Jimmy Olsen trying to prove himself next to Lois Lane. First of all, both actors have been horribly ignored for the better part of the seventh season, although for good measure considering the writers' can't even think up a single decent idea for the two of them. Getting their asses kicked and stuck in a cooler room by a bitch who got taken out by a Mentos, is not what I'd exactly consider a sleeper hit of a success...

Even Chloe had almost nothing to do in Descent, although I admit I did feel a bit of intimidation and fear in Allison Mack when forced to deal with Lex Luthor's search for the key. You'd think she would've been brighter and thrown the key somewhere more obscure and safe, like a plant pot or some shit where Lex wouldn't look at first, but whatever. She's a dumb blonde who is 100% committed to Clark, even though he's a pure dumbass that doesn't even recognize how damn fine she looks in nothing but a football jersey. I wanted more from Chloe this episode, and I don't know if I like the direction of her being fired from the Daily Planet, but I'm willing to always give the benefit of the doubt to the actress.

I am not however, willing to give the same leniency to Tom Welling, who once again did his best to sabotage all of Michael Rosenbaum's efforts. Their only strong scene together was the end when neither had to say a word. Thankfully, that redeemed Clark Kent's earlier wuss-out moment when he confronted Lex Luthor in the mansion, getting punked out by his guilt over the death of his father. The writers are trying to develop some sort of storyline here where Clark probably wonders if he is to blame for all the world's woes, whether he caused Lex Luthor to become evil, whether he caused the death of his own father, whether Lana Lang would be happy without him, etc... Really, it all looks so great, more emo ranting and whining on a noname site from Clark Kent. Wow, exactly what we need...

So while I loved Descent for every single moment Lex Luthor spiralled deeper and deeper into his own dark abyss, unfortunately for the series, this is where it starts going all the way downhill. John Glover may make a return one of these days, but as far as I know of, this was his final salute and I can only wish him the best. Meanwhile, with Lex Luthor essentially leaving the series next year, who or what the fuck is going to save Smallville from being the usual goddam trainwreck it is every single fucking week?...

... and oh right, Lana might be back...

... err, yeah... time to start my descent...

Sunday, April 13th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Battlestar Galactica: Six of One Review (Spoilers...) -

Finally, Battlestar Galactica and Gaius Baltar gave me something to believe in...

For last week's episode, my biggest complaints were that there was a complete lack of emotion outside of Kara Thrace's return, the plotline where the Cylons just miraculously appeared at the Nebula and then turned tail and ran never went anywhere, Gaius Baltar then became literally the goddam Hand of God with his overdramatic prayers, and Starbuck acted like a complete and utter goddam whiny bitch...

Well, at least Six of One fixed three of those four goddam problems. Can't win them all, I guess...

When it came to emotion, there was plenty of it here when it came to Lee Adama. Now sure, his departure from the Galactica was perhaps a little too overdone thanks to the Celtic music that has become so overused. Still, it was a heart-warming moment to see everyone stand up and salute, and the writers even got in a not-so-token moment with Dualla. Wow, I forgot she even existed on this show, let alone was Lee's ex-wife. And really, I'm a sucker for every time that the Admiral gives his son a warm embrace. Sure, I'm not sure if I like where this plotline of Lee's is going, where he's going to follow in his grandfather's footsteps and perhaps even one day become president due to his law and military background. Still, while the future is unclear, for now I definitely enjoyed the scenes we got here with Jaimie Bamber. Probably his strongest moment in the longest of whiles was when he was saying goodbye to Kara Thrace, one last time. How can I possibly hate this episode when it almost felt like it could belong to season one?...

And thankfully, one major flaw of the season opener was remedied here by giving more intimate scenes between the Admiral Adama and Laura Roslin. When I say intimate, I mean emotionally, although I could've done without the cheesy ass line of "you can stay in the room, but get out of my head". Who the frak wrote that shit, I may never know, but it certainly did sum up the situation pretty succinctly. Laura and the Admiral both know and care about each other a great deal, and it really did affect me for a moment there to see them hurt each other so badly. Maybe I've just been hit with that emotional distance bug a bit too much myself as of late, but somehow I could relate to these two somehow being able to say anything to one another except how they truly feel. A wall had formed between the both of them, and for the first time since Pegasus, you can really see both sides of the coin here. On the one hand, there's no logical reason to trust Kara Thrace. But on the other hand, she's like a daughter to the Admiral. How the hell could he not hope that she's real and telling the truth?...

Gaius Baltar also improved dramatically this episode, all thanks to some slutty ass scenes with Torri (with a very gratuitous sexy leg scene, might I add) and the sudden appearance of the Baltar from Number Six's head in his own. That was definitely the highlight of this young season so far for me, just seeing James Callis go to work with himself, if that sounds good that is. It was obvious the actor was having fun, and it just felt natural as he played off himself (if that sounds good) to create a dynamic sort of discussion to "slay" the audience. After suffering through so many seasons of Six crawling in his head and Baltar crawling in her head, always to overdramatic tension and religious bullshit since the end of the first season, how the fuck can't I enjoy a little frakkin' comic relief and playful banter now and again? A fragile balance of comedy and meaning it was, I say...

And really, He That Believeth in Me would've worked so much better if SciFi had simply aired Six of One right after it last week. While we still haven't gotten our explanation of how the Cylons did find the fleet at the Nebula, at least the Raider's discovery that Anders was a Cylon did not just get swept under the rug. While I really do detest where the writers have brought the Cylon civilization over the course of the past two seasons, when some models essentially became "good guys" even after nuking dozens of billions of innocent people overnight, I could finally feel a little sympathy for the toasters when it comes to their desire to find the Final Five. I don't get what the big deal is with lobotomizing the Raiders, considering they were already restricted from having free will in the first place. But whatever, if a full blown Cylon Civil War means more gratuitous shots of either Boomer going topless or wearing the cutest damn green top I've ever seen in my life, then I'm all for love and war. Oh hell frakking yes...

"Handle with care." Oh, how I wish I could...

While Six of One was an episode that did a lot of things right, even going so far as to include a fucking smokin' hot Chinese girl by Baltar's side in the messhall, there were obviously a few downfalls that could not be avoided. Helo once again proved to be the stable rock that the show is built upon, or should I say the goddam useless pylon with absolutely no personality of his own whatsoever. I noticed Racetrack getting naked from poker ten times more than I ever did any scene with Helo from the past three fucking years. And really, the scenes of the four new Cylons getting together had a lot less impact than they did in the episode before. Maybe I'm just getting old of their routine again, but aside from telling Torri to take it all off for Gaius Baltar, nothing was said in their conversations to really make me give a new damn...

And honestly, somebody should just put a gag over Katie Sackoff's mouth in episodes where she tries to be emotional. Because seriously, her act of feeling betrayed and acting crazy at the same time? Sorry, but it was all about as convincing as Bionic Woman was as a goddam new series this past fall. The tears in her eyes only had meaning when reflected in the Admiral's and Lee's eyes. Any moment that the camera just centered on Kara's face itself rather than that of the actual decent actors on the show, was more painful for the audience than any fucking jump away from the Nebula was for her. I just hope the upcoming plotline where she has a garbage ship of her own goes somewhere and leads to a decent plotline fast, otherwise I hope she just gets lost in space for the good of the series once again...

So really, Six of One couldn't get everything in the Battlestar formula right, but it certainly went down with the ship trying. This was the episode that last week's season opener should have been, or at least should have included. I'm still far from believing that the series has been put back on the right track, even with the striptease from goddam Racetrack. But at least for now, I'm starting to see the light at the end of Athena's Arrow...

This week's showing got six things right and one plot point horribly wrong. In the end though, that's all I really ask for...

... along with Baltar sparing that one Chinese hottie for those in very much need...

... and provided I get six copies of Number Eight for shits and giggles on the side...

... as you know, just one final miracle...

Friday, April 11th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Battlestar Galactica: He That Believeth In Me Review (Spoilers...) -

I was planning to review Razor before getting into the new Battlestar Galactica series. But besides my eternal laziness when it comes to this noname site of mine these days, I saw no reason in the end to even bother talking about that television film. I absolutely hated the New Caprica arc back in the third season with all my heart and soul, and shoving some spicy Kristen Kreuk wannabe with an Aussie accent into the thick of things certainly didn't change my opinion at all. Hell, the only decent thing about late season two was seeing Fat Lee Adama for the very first time, but where the hell was he in the film? WTF?...

So for now, the above will have to suffice as my Razor review for the year. In the meantime, I have to admit, I was no more impressed with the season four opener than I was with the series' television movie premiere...

Okay, so we got a huge battle with the Cylons at the start. It wasn't a bad use of CG, but we never got an explanation for how the Cylons found humanity in the first place, or why they were suddenly hellbent on wiping out the fleet without even a warning shot. And sure, we got lots and lots of saucy women when it came to Gaius Baltar and his little One God revelation of a rendezvous. I sure as hell ain't complaining about seeing that cute little brunette he fucked, as she was probably the only good thing to happen to this episode. But really, do we need a "God" storyline where some being out there decides to miraculously heal a boy just so that Baltar can get in some girl's pants? I've enjoyed subtle touches from higher up, like we got in Hand of God perhaps, but full blown "miracles" in broad public? WTF?...

And then we get to Kara Thrace, miraculously back from the dead in what seems to be a brand new spanking replica of the Viper she blew up in. On the one hand, it was good to get some Starbuck action back into the show, if only she actually acted like goddam Starbuck. Instead, she was just a whiny and grating bitch who keeps complaining that they're going the wrong way, as if she was a goddam bitter housewife on a guy's night out road trip. The Starbuck I used to enjoy on the show was the hot shot who actually gave a frak about being the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be up there in the cockpit. Now, all we have is a broken down widow, although in this case, she just wouldn't stay goddam dead...

There were some decent scenes between Admiral Adama and the rest of the crew, specifically Lee and Laura Roslin when it came to their new found roles for the fourth season of the show. But even so, the only real emotion I felt from He That Believeth in Me came from really just a) Baltar frakking that ridiculously hot brunette, and b) Lee giving Kara Thrace the welcoming hug of a lifetime, only to be followed by a platoon of marines shoving their guns down her throat. The contrast in that moment was moving, but it was fleeting at best, especially considering it was followed up by bad acting all around and horrible token moments from Lt. Gaeta and Dualla of all people. Worse yet, we got too many minutes of pussy ass Helo and not enough scenes of Sharon showing exactly what she's made of. What the frak?...

I didn't give a shit about Kara holding Laura Roslin at gunpoint, considering the president is as good as dead anyways and might as well get it over with. It was such a cop-out to end the episode that way, especially since we all knew she wouldn't pull the trigger. The only plot point I did care for in He That Believeth in Me, was the continuation of the four new Cylon models shown on screen. There are a lot of question marks that come out over their identities. Why didn't the Cylons ever notice that Tigh was one of them when he was in captivity, and how the hell did he stick by Adama's side since the end of the first Cylon war without being noticed? Why wasn't the final of the Final Five Cylons revealed along with the rest of them? Why didn't Baltar's tests identify them when it did find Boomer? And how did Tyrol ever have a hybrid kid when John Glover just shoved his fat ass gut through a goddam metal pole? WTF?...

For a season opener, I liked the eye candy of a) nice CG explosion effects, b) Grace Park's gracious return to the camera screens, and c) that fucking hot brunette I'd so love to frak. There were a few decent scenes granted, such as Kara's return aboard the Galactica and three of the Final Five Cylons being right there as the Admiral and Roslin discussed their enemy. But besides all that, I was disappointed beyond all belief at how poorly the rest of the season was set up here in He That Believeth At Me. I felt like this hour was just a poor extension of the already shitty ass third season of the show, not a brand new and fresh start like I was hoping...

Because if this episode and Razor were really the best that the writers could come up with, especially after such a disappointing third season in my eyes?...

... then how the hell can I ever start believing in them again?...

... how the hell can I believe in Battlestar Galactica?...

... and how the hell can I bear watching?...

... sigh... Battleshit Season Four, it is...

Sunday, March 30th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Smallville: Veritas small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Veritas is Latin for "truth". And the truth of the matter is, Smallville has had a really bad second half of the season, and Veritas did not help in that regard in the very least. Not by much, at least...

And why?... well?...

... wait for it...

... ahem...

"So, let me get this straight. We had Lionel Luthor, literally begging on his knees for ten minutes, yet he never once took the chance to actually say what he wanted to say? What kind of shitty ass writing is this? WTF?"...

Truth be told, I know that parts of Veritas were moved to the next episode (Descent) after the writers' strike was called off. Veritas was originally meant to be a season finale, and it wasn't so bad in that retrospect. It was good to see Milton Fine back, although he was far too MWAHA-ish for how overpowered he was to be taken seriously...

So, let me get this straight, not only is he capable of flight but also warp speed in space now? What's even more confusing, is that Kara Kent would for some goddam reason trust that Brainiac would keep his side of the bargain. Even worse than that, WTF was the point of her flying up into space? She does know that a) flying further away from the Sun only weakens her, and b) she only has 15-20 minutes of goddam "air" up there, right? So, umm, what the fuck can she and Brainiac do up there in fifteen fucking minutes only? No, wait, don't answer that one...

If there was one real highlight to Veritas, it's that Lana Lang finally got what was coming to her. I mean seriously, how could I not cheer when James Marsters stated that Lana there with the white eyes was in "excruciating" pain? More than that, finally we Smallville watchers got what we've been demanding for years, sheer fucking silence from that Kristen Kreuk bitch. There are rumours that she may not be back for the eighth season of the show, and leaving her in a catatonic state next to some angelic homage to her first encounter with Clark on the series, would've actually been a decent way to end things. At least then, I'd know that I'd never have to listen to her whine and grate and bitch ever again. It would've been a happy ending, if only this were the end of the season...

One thing that was good about Veritas was that every character had a decent role, just in case this was the final episode of Smallville. Chloe got to have Lionel begging at her feet, and she proved her loyalty to Clark yet again. Lois Lane finally made a reappearance, and strangely looked smokin' hot to me in a greenery or Green Peace or whatever kind of uniform. Jimmy the Bimmy made his return from the dead land of horrible script writing, by at least showing off some journalistic skills and integrity rather than just leeching off of any audience goodwill that Chloe can get these days. And hell, I even felt bad for Kristen Kreuk at times, since I know most people watching would surmise that her white eyed gig here was the best she's ever been on the show, and probably better than Tom Welling was in The Fog at least...

Where this episode falls apart though, is with the true heroes and villains of the show. I've already mentioned how completely dumbass Kara Kent was by capitulating to Brainiac's demands, as her only good contribution to this episode was looking hot and cute as hell while teaching Clark how to fly. Meanwhile, the boy wonder of Tom Welling looked clueless and emo angsty as hell the whole way through. Not only did he look like he was about to cry that his best friend of Lionel Luthor had betrayed him, but the actor is still refusing to just get off his feet and fly for ten fucking seconds of the series? His moments as the missile-like Kal-El a couple seasons ago were brilliant, and leaping onto a nuclear missile was memorable, so why not just soar into the air one last time? Not only did the character look lazy as fucking hell, but the actor looked lethargic and prima donna as well. Did Clark Kent achieve anything in Veritas, except look dumbfounded and confused while being whipped as Lana's slave, even though she couldn't actually say anything? WTF?...

John Glover meanwhile, did the best job he could in delivering the lines he was given. The problem was, while he was meant to be a man looking for repentance and redemption, he was just far too desperate and far too emotional to be taken seriously on his knees here. Like I mentioned before, why whine and plead with Chloe for ten minutes straight of her time, when he easily could have just said what he needed to say? Arguably, the character is looking to be appreciated and trusted again, more than his desire to actually help Clark out. But still, it was weird seeing John Glover go so above and beyond what we knew of his character. While it was an interesting change of pace, it did feel forced too much at times as well. Maybe it would've worked if the original ending to Veritas had stayed, but I suppose we'll now have to see how it all works out in Descent...

Lex Luthor was a decent villain, although I still wish he had kept Patricia Swann as the sex toy for his hot female aide and confident to play with. The strongest points of this episode came in the flashbacks, where we got more insight into Lex's past along with the truth behind the Veritas name. It was nice to see the return of the Teagues and Swanns, and it was always good to involve the Queens' past and mythology more with the Superman mythos. However, where it fell apart though was in the present, where the only thing Michael Rosenbaum got to do was stare off into space while dreaming, as if he was in a goddam soap opera. Although considering this is Smallville, I suppose there ain't much difference...

Basically, what I'm saying is, if the season had ended with Veritas? It would have been a lousy send off for Michael Rosenbaum and John Glover, if the seventh is indeed the final season that both will be in as regulars. But on the bright side? At least Lana Lang finally shut the fuck up. And the truth of the matter is, how the fuck can I possibly complain then?...

Despite how harsh I am on the series, I am relived to know that Smallville is coming back to finish off the seventh season. I would've preferred this to be the final year of the show, instead of dragging it on through an eighth where Tom Welling may barely even be back. But really, as long as I get more gratuitous shots of Kara Kent in sparkling and skin-tight baby blue, can I really goddam complain?...

Because truth be told, I'm sure there is some sort of real reason why I do continue to watch this show...

... I just haven't figured it out yet, that's the Veritas of it all...

[c. visitors too bored to return...]
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