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But it's actually one of those rare kinds of comedies, or romantic comedies if you will, that really strikes a cord in you, you know?...

I mean hell, it's like the writers behind Anchorman just woke up one morning, tired from all their late night tantric sex sessions with each other, and thought to themselves...

I may not have been able to tolerate the scene-stealing, Steve Carell in Anchorman. But even I have to admit, he played the role of the creepy yet compassionate 40-year-old virgin to the fucking letter T...

He's the kind of guy, that would literally put his life on the line (or his chest hair, in this case) for just a few hard earned yucks from the crowd...

He's literally the kind of guy, who would fuck a horse, fuck a donkey, and fuck a goddam goat, all for the sake of the sound of the laugh...

And that kind of creepy, serial killer kind of comic commitment, was exactly what he brilliantly infused into his character of Andy in this movie...

I mean seriously, if I didn't know better, I would've sworn that Steve Carell was really a 40 year old virgin in this film...

Right from the getgo, from the very Poker game where Andy lost his poker virgin face, Steve Carell reminded me way too much of own self for my own goddam close comfort...

Granted, I would've never been dumbass enough to talk about titties as bags of sand. Or even been smart enough to actually get a fucking full house in a fucking Poker game, mind you...

But seeing Andy berate himself, calling himself stupid over and over again, as he just rammed his head into the walls of his home out of sheer embarrassment and social frustration? After letting slip his little secret, I mean...

The thing that really makes The 40 Year Old Virgin into a true comedy classic, isn't just the fact that we as an audience end up caring for its characters... but that we can truly identify with each and every single one of them in the end as well...

But he also reminded me a bit too much of my own goddam self, when it comes to my own goddam obsessions at least...

... with an ugly bitch that I could care less about mind you. But still, the stalker in me just can't help but root for the guy...

He talks about love in exactly the same way that I've seen it for the past 10 goddam years... Love is all about losing weight, and gaining weight, and obsessing over lost loves... and stalking their new homes... and finding their new phone numbers, and new e-mail addresses or whatnot...

... or, ahem, online blog addresses, if you're into that sort of thing, I mean..

If she wants to be a cock-sucking bitch, who goes down on every single fucking motherfucker who has a huge cock and a candy store, then that's her journey... that's her business...

Either way, one of the greatest things about The 40 Year Old Virgin, is that every single character got their due...

Paul Rudd's character of David was just perfect in playing the nice guy, who managed to calm Andy down from jumping off a balcony, simply by talking to him for more than thirty seconds at a time... And after seeing how low he could go (literally) when it came to the video camera down his pants? It was nice that he got to fuck the slut who couldn't even lift a cock-sucking iPod in the end...

The thing is, I even came to adore the characters of Jay and Cal the Cameraman in the end... as they reminded me way too much of the assholes in my own life, who tried to push me into actually getting some fucking pussy in my goddam high school years...

The two of them together brought up in the movie the one goddam argument that still haunts me to this day...

I mean, if you really like a woman, then the last thing you'd ever really want to do, is be a fucking virgin and fuck things up while fucking...

Because really... on your wedding night, would you really want to make things more awkward by being two virgins, who don't even know how your bits and pieces fit together?...

Because it's moments like these, when Jay and Cal in the bar were talking about mediocrity in the sack, that really makes you sit back and realize...

I've met far too many Jay's in my life. Playas who think they're hot stuff when it comes to the ladies, but always in the end admit that they're insecure and immature... They love to keep score of the bitches they've laid waste to. And that brought about literally the best damn Jay scene in the entire movie, as he forced and swindled Andy into taking the heat off him and his goddam phone book...

Cal was much smarter in the end than Jay, even noting that the movie, Liar Liar, had indeed a clever moral in the end (though that movie fucking sucked...)... His greatest moment was obviously conning Andy into talking up the psycho babe in the book store. As that was literally not only the funniest damn moment in the movie trailer, but one of the funniest damn scenes in the whole damn movie in the end...

... though I now fucking hate all girls who read novels, for a damn good reason, mind you...

But the strange thing was?... Hell, a lot of the guys in the theatre I was in at the time, even thought that Andy was being a smooth talker in that scene, while he was saying nothing but mindless questions to the fucking moronic babe... And really, is that honestly the kind of dating scene of a world that I want to get into? A world where you plant a dozen seeds, watch them sprout, and then fuck the plants that grow into bushes?...

... well... considering my current record of zero wins and ten thousand losses? I've been tempted so many fucking times in my life to just go for the fucking advice of people like Jay and Cal in my life...

... and even though I'm too fucking pussy, to ever go for that fucking pussy on a pedestal?...

... still, it's nice to watch a movie, where these kinds of assholes finally get what's coming to them...

... and I don't know... but I think it really says something about a movie, where not a single character and not a single scene, ended up boring in the end...

No matter how great Jay and David and Silent Bob over there turned out to be, the star of the show was none other than Steve Carell...

Like I said, every single fucking time I say something stupid ass in public, I end up berating and beating myself up with hockey sticks over what I fucking said. And then I lie fucking awake at night, hoping that nobody fucking noticed how dumbass I was the day before... only to listen to the fucking birds and bees in the morning, and end up telling myself, "fuck, this is going to be bad"...

Fuck. I'm the fucking Asian with a fucking basement full of video games... that this movie so promptly mocked in kind favour...

For one thing, why the fuck were they using N64 controllers with Mortal Kombat Deception on the fucking Xbox?... that's just plain wrong...

And fuck... for another thing... Andy in that movie DID NOT have more motherfucking games than this Asian nerd over here has, thank you very much...

Because there were just so many goddam amazing scenes in The 40 Year Old Virgin, that it's no wonder why I've procrastinated so long from even trying to list them all...

Andy's smooth talking with Beth in the book store was absolutely hilarious, as the bitch got all fucking worked up over a guy essentially playing the childish game of shadow...

The "date drunk" scene had pretty much the entire theatre rolling in laughter, as Andy was so fucking clueless to not even fucking try to take the wheel when the bitch just gulped down three or four shots in a row... I loved her comment, how the parked cars just "came out of nowhere", as sadly I've heard that phrase from fucking idiot drivers before... namely one fucking female driver, who shall remain anonymous...

The phone book scene, where Andy pretends to be a playa', calling women bitches and ho's in front of the fucking bitch herself, was just brilliant from the fucking backwardness and awkwardness of it all...

Now, for the most part, the speed dating scene was a riot. Sure, there was the sort of weird and kind of out of place moments, like Amy showing up out of nowhere... But c'mon already. Who really could watch that whole fucking nipple scene, and keep a fucking straight poker face through it all?...

But if any scene should nominate Steve Carell an Oscar? It's the fucking waxing scene... I mean, like I said before, this actor is dedicated more than any other actor I've ever seen before. He was offered the chance to fake the hair being ripped off his chest, and yet he refused, citing that it just wouldn't be as funny if it wasn't real...

If there is any reason why the 40 Year Old Virgin was knocked down a peg or two, it was definitely the fact that yes, it was a romantic comedy... and the romantic parts, while decent, just weren't nearly as entertaining as all the rest...

Honestly, how the hell can bringing the virgin daughter along to sex ed parties, be nearly as entertaining as the notion of your boss being a fucking fuck buddy?... or at least, that's the way that I saw things, at least...

Now, I've never been real keen on Catherine Keener (as if she hasn't heard that one before... ha ha, right?...)... and I do think she did a good job with what she was given to do. I mean, her mixed messages of both flirting and awkwardness as she was trying to justify giving her phone number away, was exactly the kind of thing I'd imagine would happen... if my fucking goddam obsession ever gave me her phone number, that is...

The thing is, I did like a lot of the scenes between her and Andy. But it was really more from just the dramatic irony of Andy's virginity, than anything remotely relating to chemistry between the two of them... I did like their "20 dates" of no sex declaration, as I think the entire theatre laughed when Andy claimed the lack of physicality wouldn't hurt him nearly as much as Trish thought it would...

... but meh... most of the daughter scenes, and hell, even the token break-up scene, were more boring to watch than anything else...

There have only been a couple of romantic comedies in history, where I've actually enjoyed the chemistry between the couple... namely, You've Got Mail and The Wedding Singer... and perhaps When Harry Met Sally and 50 First Dates as well, to a lesser extent...

... but when Steve Carell rammed into Trish's car, and went soaring through an Eruption ad or whatever sort of truck?...

That's precisely why I loved The 40-Year-Old Virgin as much as I did in the end...

Because I mean, this isn't just the kind of movie... that represents the fucking asshole buddies in my life, through fucking Jay and Cal...

This isn't just the kind of movie... that represents my hopes and dreams, and nightmares as well... of...

It's like the writers bloody wrote the film after finding this fucking website of mine and laughing about it later...

... a hell of a lot of fun... as I still have 17 more fucking years of whining and writing and waiting, apparently...

... then maybe, just maybe, there's some fucking hope for me at the end of the rainbow...

Because so far? The second season hasn't turned out nearly as great as the first...

... and I kinda despised the first, so that's really saying something, I suppose...

The thing is though, I was expecting huge things from the BSG Home two-parter. It just sounded so strong and powerful on paper, and it just couldn't have met my expectations for a series of this calibre, you know?...

... and yet, practically by default, Home (Part 2) still managed to win the IvanFian episode of the week award... because truth be told? All faults and great expectations aside, it was still probably the second best BSG episode in this mediocre second season so far...

To be honest, I'm both surprised and somewhat thankful that the Battlestar writers decided to wrap up the Arrow of Apollo storyline so quickly. After dragging out the Craprica and the first Kobol storylines for so damn long, it was just plain shocking that a mere two parter episode would handle everything the writers wanted to tell about the mythology of the show... And to be honest? While I would've hated another 10 episode stay on Kobol or some shit like that, Home (Part 2) definitely did feel a bit too rushed for its own good... I mean seriously, how the heck did the Atlantis team even make it out of the Tomb of Athena at the end?...

The thing is... Home (Part 2) sure felt a lot more like home than the first half of the two parter ever did...

I've always been a huge fan of mythology... Hell, I was even stupid and dumbass and naive enough back in Grade 13, to actually admit to my English teacher that I believed in the myth of Atlantis... Sure, I still do to some extent. But the kind of shitastic internet proof I tried to argue to him back then in my high school years, was just goddam embarrassing at best...

It seems that the Battlestar writers have decided to one-up Stargate Atlantis. Not that I can really blame them, or even hate them for it, mind you...

Judging by the constellations in the Tomb of Athena holodeck (which must've been a holodeck, from all the lights flashing and planetarium sound effects going on), the 12 Tribes of Kobol actually started out on earth. Why else would their original, ancestral flags all be representative of how the stars looked on earth something like 5000 years ago?...

I always thought that the writers would do something like this. In essence, they're following the same idea as the myth of Atlantis, that something happened on earth a long time ago (perhaps over 10000 years ago), and the people of Atlantis on earth had to leave... "All of this has happened before", seems to suggest that the people of earth, after facing armageddon, ended up settling on Kobol. Once they frakked things up there too, most left Kobol for the 12 colonies... and some returned to earth, perhaps about 3000 years ago... about when the Ancient Greeks claimed they were visited by the lost survivors of Atlantis, at least according to earth mythology...

... it would certainly explain the constellations... and certainly explain the religions of the 12 colonies as well...

This is the kind of mythology that I've always loved when I was a kid... this is the kind of mythology that I still can't get enough of now... While obviously, it just feels weird that Ron Moore is essentially copying some story ideas from the SciFi series that airs just one hour ahead of his, the fact still stands that this holodeck scene was perhaps the "Torment of Tantalus" and "Fifth Race" Stargate moment of the Battlestar Galactica series to date. The very moment, that defines the series for what it is... it's hopes and dreams...

Stargate Atlantis still hasn't had theirs... guess Ron Moore beat them to the punch there...

Now, mythology aside, I still have to admit that I was somewhat disappointed in Home (Part 2)... I can't say it wasn't unexpected though, as every single television show or movie that deals with a "journey" through the mountains or some shit like that, ends up being just goddam boring to me... I mean, tons of montages and goddam bad pacing here and there? They might as well have called Home (Part 2) as the Lord of the Hill: The Fellowship of the Battlestar Galactica... or some shit like that...

Grace Park definitely had her best episode in a long while as the Caprican Sharon Valeri. She had me guessing the entire episode long, just like she has all series long as well... Her reunion with Tyrol was just plain creepy. I loved the music and suspense in that scene, as the hug and kiss of death she gave him, was just so eerie that it even made poor Tyrol confused as hell... And I liked the fact that she kept referencing what happened to Galactica Sharon, as she really manipulated it to her advantage. Even by being completely ambiguously evil when it came to her "trust" speech to Helo, she still managed to pull off a huge dog and pony trick when it came to saving Adama's life and putting on an act for the rest of the team... Did she really care about Adama's life? Or was she just saving her own ass, to save her unborn child?...

To be honest, I believe her. I pretty much believe every word she says... And why? Because the Cylons believed they needed "love" to conceive a child. And you can't have love without trust, so why not create a Cylon who only tells the truth?... The thing is, this Sharon doesn't seem to tell the whole true. Number Six in Baltar's head seems to definitely suggest, that Sharon falling in love and eloping with Helo, was exactly what the Cylons had in mind. They want to replace the human race somehow, and Sharon is definitely fooling every damn idiot on the Galactica into somehow letting it happen... She has no built in protocols. She has no built in sleeper suggestions. The only question is, does she know she's duping the whole Galactica crew, pussy whipped Helo definitely included? Or is she just being duped as well?...

Now, I love Edward James Olmos in nearly every episode he's been in. And given his role in Home (Part 2), he nailed every moment he was in completely... The scene where he takes Boomer down (wouldn't we all?...), grabs her by the throat, and then just startlingly reacts to Boomer somehow knowing what he had told the dead model back on Galactica, was perhaps the best damn moment of the entire episode. And definitely one of the best moments of the second season by far, right up there the Galactica Boomer interrogation scenes, and Lee shoving a cock down Boomer's throat (a gun cock... of course...)...

The thing is though, even if Olmos is perhaps the greatest actor in SciFi ever since Patrick Stewart? It still doesn't change the fact that he changed too damn much for his own goddam good in Home (Part 2)...

I mean yes, sure I do understand that after nearly dying, it puts some things in perspective. And I understand that he would now find family and friendship perhaps more important than pride and duty, but still?...

C'mon really, did the writers really have to make Adama into that much of a pussy whipped motherfucker this episode? Not only did he hug his son, after he stabbed him in the back with his betrayal. Not only did he sex up his would-be daughter-in-law, even after she stole his Cylon ride... But then he repeatedly fucking apologizes to President Roslin, not only claiming that everything was now fine between the two of them, but that every fucking day has been a gift from her? WTF?...

Sure, I guess in retrospect, she was right. Without her advice back then, both Adamas would probably be dead. But seriously, WTF?... Every single day since that event, the president has been out of her fucking mind. Either just fuck her, Commander Adama, or really just goddam fuck her... at this point, I really don't care...

The thing is, Roslin was just a complete and utter bitch in Home (Part 2). Who did she think she was? Dr. Weir?... Adama was completely pussy-whipped, apologizing to her left and right, even after all the moronic things that she's done. Hell, we might as well rename the commander as "Helo" or some shit like that... And then what does Roslin do? But bitchslaps him back, claiming she never asked for his forgiveness? What the fuck is up with that?... Did she really have to make the guy grovel for her pussy that damn much? It was embarrassing, really... Yeah, I know. Sometimes a guy has to do what a guy has to do for a little bit of Bush (or President Roslin, in this sense). But if any person thinks that Roslin was in the right this episode, or even in the right frame of mind, than I just don't know what to think...

To be honest, at times I'd rather have Tom Zarek in charge than Roslin. At least he fucking knows what he's talking about. And to be honest? I kind of gained a bit of respect for his character in Home (Part 2)... Sure, he still wants power. And he thought he would do anything to get it... But just like in Bastille Day? Regardless of whether he wants to be or not, he's Hamlet. He just has too much of a conscience to really do anything but procrastinate... And while obviously, that would define him as a pansy in the Chief Tyrol book of topology, the thing is, that does make him a smarter and more wily character in the end. Hesitation and deliberation ain't such a bad thing, as Tom Zarek's little sidekick learned as he far too quickly pointed a gun to Apollo's head...

I was sort of hoping for more of a relationship between Apollo and his father this episode, besides just the hug they gave each other. I mean, sure Home (Part 2) covered all the basics in giving us want we wanted from a soap opera (the Commander back with Roslin, Adama reacting to Sharon, Sharon giving Tyrol a kiss with fucking pansy Helo in the background, etc...). But what we got in the end sort of seemed like rushed teases instead, and not the real goods itself... Still, Apollo certainly wasn't so bad in Home (Part 2). He got to flirt with Starbuck by the campfire. And if somebody out there didn't notice, his finger was literally the Arrow of Apollo in the holosuite, guiding the way to earth...

Starbuck herself was tolerable. It annoyed me to hell that she would bring up those goddam resistance fighters back on Caprica (now that I know the actress actually asked for Anders back, for some god-awful reason). But hey, she made up for it by not being a complete bitch to Apollo this episode... Her truly defining moment though, was the sheer expression on her face when she realized she was standing on earth, looking up at the sky from the Stonehenge sort of position... You could literally see in her eyes just how happy she was. She had truly found faith, as everything she had learned about the prophecies over the past few months and years, had just come true for her then and there. She was sort of like a Christian Reborn, so to speak... a really slutty one, who can't even keep her pants on even with a radioactive moron back on Crapica, but that's a story for another day...

Back on Galactica, Gaeta and Tigh weren't used very much. But for background characters, I just loved all the reactions on their faces... Notice that Gaeta only laughed at the Roslin vision comment, after Tigh had already started to snicker? Either the guy is a complete suck-up, or he never really found the comment funny in the first place... And in the slow ass clapping scene? Yes, that scene sucked, as Adama was once again sucking up and fucking up Roslin big time. But at least both Tom Zarek and Tigh reluctantly clapping in the background, helped give that scene some sort of meaning...

But if there was one real reason why Home (Part 2) was pushed above Stargate SG-1 as the episode of the week? It was definitely because Dr. Gaius Baltar finally got something to do again... and something that finally suited the goddam character that I fell in love with so long ago...

His introduction scene was simply stark naked perfect for his character. As really, who the fuck would ever listen to a bitch prattle on about a mythical baby, when she's fucking staring at you in the nude?... Number Six just loves to mess with his head. And the great part of the Baltar storyline this episode was, she fucked with our heads as well...

So we can now conclude that Number Six is not a computer chip in Baltar's head. While obviously, the Cylons can make organic CPUs that would be invisible to brain scans, there are now more likely explanations for Baltar's visions... Namely, he's probably a Cylon and doesn't even know it. Or perhaps, for all we know, Number Six in his head really isn't a Cylon at all... maybe something more?... The day she starts fingering up Boomer and Starbuck and Roslin at the same damn time through their panties, is the day I personally start loving her character, and realizing that maybe Number Six ain't just a figment of Baltar's imagination anyhew...

... and maybe I'd finally start listening to her too... or at least, the moans of the others...

Either way, all I do know for now, is that I was stark raving ecstatic with Baltar's performance in Home (Part 2)... I laughed so damn hard at his MRI brain scan scenes. As not only did he fuck things up by Number Six fucking with his dick, but Doc Cottle also said "fuck" instead of "frak" on television as well (and believe me, I watched the scene twice... he definitely said "fuck"... fucking hell, yeah...)... And when he realized that he wasn't crazy? When Baltar realized that a child would be born in the cell? Well, that just capped off an overall great episode to me...

This was definitely old skool Baltar we were seeing here and now. He starting off all cocky and arrogant and perhaps even rational, lighting up the screen with his performance like only a spontaneously combusting actor can... And then after the Doc lights up off screen from that one goddam hypochondriac on every damn ship, what does Baltar do? But resign himself to spying on the returning Boomer yet again, and realizing that there are just some things in the universe that even a self-serving moron like him can't explain...

Sure, Home (Part 2) had a bunch of shitty ass scenes. Watching the montage of climbing hills at the start, was only even remotely saved by the sheer comedy of Adama using military tools to chart the religious map to the Tomb of Athena. Though nothing could save all the boring ass Tom Zarek and sidekick moments, not even the surprise standoff at the end... And as for the slow ass clapping scene? WTF were the writers thinking? The episode felt so rushed without any real closure to the mythological aspect of it all... although at least the big gathering in the hanger, was a nice throwback to the Battlestar Galactica miniseries as whole...

But even with all my reservations, there was definitely enough in Home (Part 2) to guarantee that I will watch it a third time around, one of these days... From the ever so brilliant scene, of Commander Adama choking the life out of Grace Park (I know he expected to see her again... but this damn soon?... talk about eating your own words, or choking on them at least...). To the mythological aspect of it all, that always gets the inner child in me all riled up... To hell, even the return of goddam Billy. As President Adar really was a goddam moron...

And yeah, I definitely preferred Home (Part 2) to the rest of the SciFi episodes this week...

Because for this one episode alone?... perhaps, at least, at a few rare times...

Y2kk Update: - Stargate SG-1: Ex Deus Machina and Stargate Atlantis: Instinct Reviews (Spoilers...) -

Because I suppose it was a gutsy move, giving us back a Trust episode on earth, even after all the shit that the writers had gotten from us fans over the past eight or so years... I mean, so far in the ninth season, Stargate SG-1 has renewed and kind of reinvigorated itself as almost a completely new and rebranded show. But Ex Deus Machina was a true throwback to all the previous seasons of SG-1, as literally dozens of references to old skool episodes were mentioned, with no real explanations given to the SG-1 newbies whatsoever... I wasn't sure if the formula would work again or not...

But you know what? While it wasn't quite the IvanFian episode of the week, Ex Deus Machina pulled off a deus ex of its own, and somehow turned out to be the most enjoyable show on Sci-Fi Friday, as far as I'm concerned...

With Vala gone, the comedy wasn't really vocal in this episode. But you gotta admit, seeing Jaffa landing on building roofs and tearing apart cubicles, has just got to be one of the most memorable and perhaps favourable sights in the history of Stargate SG-1...

God, I wish some nutcase in a ratchet and clank suit would say that to me one of these days when I'm just jacking off in my cubicle...

Because really, the reason Ex Deus Machina turned out to be a rather decent episode in the end, is simply because of Ba'al...

Even without his traditional Goa'uld voice, the South African actor just had the amazing kind of smarmy, self-preserving sort of presence that you would only expect from a goddam Enron CEO. Ba'al in a business suit just somehow worked, as the guy really does wear the white collar well... I even liked the speeches he gave. The idea of planting an entire building as a bomb was a brilliant twist (if only it hadn't been ruined by the episode preview last week), and I loved his completely insincere way of conveying this message to the SGC... I mean seriously, a Goa'uld would follow our laws? Didn't he just implant symbiots into a bunch of big time CEOs or some crap like that, after trying to take over the galaxy a number of times?...

Now, I personally don't know what to think of the whole cloning thing. I suppose the final scene was supposed to be going for an ominous feel, but it really did sort of make Ba'al into seeming way too campy as a comedic villain in the end... I mean seriously, Ba'al in muscle shirts, golf shirts, and sports shorts, while eating bad take out Chinese food, all at the same damn time? WTF?...

Yeah, I got a good laugh out of the scene, for sure. Afterall, how the hell could I not like a line on television, stating that there wasn't anything good on television?... But I don't know... I'm just afraid the scene ruined the villainous, ominous presence that the actor has built up over the years, ever since his amazing performance in Abyss...

... I'm just afraid he's going to take his Ba'al and go home with it... but I digress...

Because Ex Deus Machina also has to get some props for me, for finally getting the SG-1 team back together, officially at least... Surprisingly enough, the team was basically separated from each other for the whole of the episode. Kinda weird, considering the band barely even had a return concert before going Yoko Ono all over again...

Cam Mitchell was basically given generic lines that any character can have on Stargate. I did enjoy the SG-1 patch scene however, as the long pauses, delays, and eventual nods, helped make the moment into one of the many memorable ones of the episode as a whole... Now, Mitchell did save the day again, thinking up the solution of beaming the entire frickin' building into space (which ends all doubt that Asgard transporters aren't the best in the business... They beamed away Goa'uld motherships in seasons 2 and 3, and now an entire frickin' building? WTF?...). But besides that though, and the patch scene? I don't even remember what Mitchell did... besides fuck things up when it came to the Council chamber, that is...

This was Teal'c's first great episode of the season, and I really do think that Christopher Judge delivered in spades. I mean, I really did feel bad for the heartbroken guy at the end, as he was being torn apart by the fact that his people were now worshipping the very same kind of bastard that the Goa'uld were...

Everything that Teal'c tried to accomplish this episode backfired on him in the end. He thought that female Jaffa on the council was helping him, only to be bitchslapped and led straight into a trap later on. He was hoping that the Jaffa on the Ha'tak mothership would stand down, yet they were all too loyal to Gerak to listen to a damn thing poor Teal'c was saying... In the end, you can't help but feel sorry for the guy. He fought so long and hard for the freedom of all Jaffa, and yet resorted and was resigned to slaughtering them on earth with the Tok'ra poison in the end? And to withholding information from the Jaffa council as well?... sucks to be him...

Daniel Jackson was barely in any of the important scenes in Ex Deus Machina, at least as far as I can remember. I mean, he had that awful scene in the diner with that awfully trusting woman (he sure loves diners, doesn't he?). And he got to look stunned like a deer in the headlights when Mitchell just slapped that patch on his arm, but I digress... But Jackson has had about five or six episodes in a row before as the star and central focus of the entire show. So I guess being left in the shadows in a Trust episode, and playing second fiddle to Carter's pregnant sex life, wasn't so bad in the end...

Now, I hate to say this, but Amanda Tapping did look a little weird, with all that baby fat still around her hips. Still, I thought she put in a much stronger and willing performance in Ex Deus Machina, than she did as just the back-up singer in Origin... It was nice that she turned the tables on Daniel in the van (reminiscent of her being clueless of Asgard beams back in Covenant), as the Prometheus really does beat flying coach. And it was nice to get that completely out of no-where, awkward scene with Agent Barrett, as at least that proved to me that the poor loser wasn't a Goa'uld or something...

It still strikes me as odd that Carter would return to SG-1, only to be demoted to second in command. And her "not really" comment, when Barrett asked if she was seeing anyone? Sure, it sent 'shippers a bone, but RDA just looks too damn old now for close comfort (can't she go for Rodney McKay instead?....)... Now, Amanda's best scene (and the best scene of the episode) came with the SG-1 patches. Her timing and expression in that moment was just perfect... I just wish she really contributed something else in the episode though, besides just waving a magical naquada wand in an office building or whatever...

Granted, Ex Deus Machina was definitely a fun episode. With Gerak, and Jaffa, and cubicles, oh my...

It's just that, it was also a dual pronged episode... as the whole cloning thing was just a bit too silly for its own damn good...

Because really, if any host should be cloned? It's that damn fine business woman he was with the whole time...

Shit. Just when you thought that Atlantis was hogging all the goddam babes, a goddam evil one with fucking brilliant legs comes around to fuck the whole SG-1 team...

But really, what the fuck was up with that last scene? One horny looking bitch, with four or five guys in the same room?...

... Now, I know the Goa'uld have no real defined sex... and I know Ba'al is narcissistic and kind of kinky as hell, but really?...

... I for one would prefer the goddam hot business bitch, in the same damn room with both Sora and Dr. Weir instead...

It's not that the episodes have been bad. Hell, the writing in Instinct was actually very strong, and definitely one of the better scripts the Stargate writers have done this season...

... and all the unhappy endings, just reminds me of a bad Battlestar Galactica rip-off, you know?...

Not only does Elia turn out to be semi-evil in the end, having eaten a bunch of people in secret rather than just tell her father the truth. Not only does the father get killed by his own daughter, after already giving up about sixty years of his life to keep her nourished... Not only does Sheppard along with his team get their asses completely kicked in by Elia, only a day after she offers them cookies and tea. But after all of this depressing shit, the team ends up fucking Elia over with a shower of bullets, and then just suddenly cuts to credits?... That's it? WTF?...

Personally, I thought it was a complete waste to just off Jewel Staite as a character so soon and quickly in the series as they did. She's such a warm, charming, compassionate, and dazzling adorable actress in the end. She was perhaps the only saving grace of Firefly as a series on a whole. And it would've been great to keep her around in human form (after perfecting the retrovirus), constantly battling her inner Wraith instincts by fucking herself or some sort of shit like that... Hell, they should've just left her in the same cell as Sora is still stuck in. Then she can fucking eat Sora the fuck out... in which way, I'll leave that up to your imagination...

But either way, straight from my heart of gold, I did think Jewel Staite was still the best part of Instinct as an episode. She only had one moment to shine, as she was so shyly offering tea and biscuits or whatever to the Atlantis team. But she nailed the convictions of a monster trying to be a decent person so damn amazingly well in that one scene alone, that it almost made up for the fact that she could've been replaced by a generic stunt double for the rest of Instinct for all that mattered... Seeing Firefly's darling Kaylee, trying to gnaw off Teyla's head in a fucking phallic forest, is not the kind of thing that fans have come to expect from the actress. Sure, she can always come back to the show as a different character, but I really did think that her portrayal of Elia merited some sort of return for the Wraith in the future...

... the fact the actress isn't coming back, is a goddam Greek tragedy in itself in the end...

... or at least a bad, old skool monster movie, if you're into that kind of shit...

Instinct tried to portray itself in the same sort of vein as a B-rated horror film from the 50's. But that's what really killed the mood and the pacing of this episode in the end... All the flashbacks just didn't have the kind of impact that you would expect from a Wraith dart, leaving that sort of impact in the ground. And all the cautionary tales that the elder in the tavern was spouting out, just felt lame once we realized we were only dealing with one Wraith or two...

Now, I did like how the writers used the flashbacks to their advantage at points, tricking us into believing that Elia's father was an old man at the time he found her. And I thought it was pretty smart writing there, that the elder father in the village did mention that he lost his son about two years after the Wraith dart crashed... But still, there was just something off about this episode. Like it tried to be slow and suspenseful, but just ending up wasting time in the end? Sure, it had a smart and well woven script... but it just lacked the kind of fire and firepower I've come to expect from the Atlantis writers, you know?...

Sheppard just didn't really seem like himself in Instinct, and it's hard to exactly place why... Just like with Cam Mitchell back on SG-1, John's still getting the jokes. It's just that, he's getting the same kind of jokes that any kind of generic character could pull off. The Col's old skool sarcasm just ain't showing the way it used to be... To be honest, I don't really remember anything he did this episode, except get his arm nearly torn off or fed upon by Elia in the end. All I do know, is that his character has been just a tad mite too depressing for his own good this season so far... I miss the John Sheppard who would mock little naked Asgard, and fuck Dr. Weir whenever she's wearing that goddam hot T-shirt of hers, you know?...

Speaking of Dr. Weir, thank God she barely spoke a word in Instinct. My first instinct whenever I see her, is just to tell her to shut the fuck up and let me stare at her goddam breasts. And finally, she fucking listened to me... And was it just me, or did she seem really damn horny when she stared at John's little quip about pubic pimples and life sucking, as if she was thinking of a certain something else that happens to guys at puberty?... Either way, she looked hot this episode. And she didn't bitch or complain once, so how the hell can I possibly complain myself?... The less of Weir, both in terms of screentime and clothes, the better...

Teyla though, was surprisingly decent as well in Instinct. She's really coming into terms with the Wraith side of her personality, and I actually really enjoyed her attempts to reach out to Elia when it came to their mental abilities... Now personally, Teyla's fight with Elia was just plain goddam weird. How the hell did she manage to throw the Wraith off, yet get knocked unconscious a moment later? And then she gives Ronon some fucking advice that we all know is going to come back and haunt the team later on down the road?... Still, she actually seemed important for once to the team. Not just because of her fighting skills, not just because of her Wraith sensing abilities, and not just because she knows the terrain... but rather because she actually got to show and use the softer side of her strong willed personality... and she looked horny as hell while doing it, which is always a plus whenever Jewel Staite is involved, so...

I should also mention that Lt. Ford got more lines in this episode, than he pretty much had in most episodes last year by this point. Good on him them, mate... He's catching up to Pete Ross in terms of total line count at least, that's for sure...

Ronon was just sort of there, in the background. And he just didn't feel right to me somehow, you know?... He was both too badass and too wussy in Instinct at the same damn time. On the one hand, he tried to beat the living hell out of a Wraith girl scout selling cookies. And on the other hand, he looked like a lost puppy dog as he was taking care of poor Teyla's fucked up neck... Sure, the writers are trying to develop the Ronon and Teyla relationship. But how about developing the actual character first? He just doesn't have the fire in his belly that he used to have, back when he was a Runner... He's sort of like a WWE wrestler actually. Comes into the league as a big shot, beating everyone else with the Masterlock. And then he just ends up sucking for the rest of his career...

Now, Rodney McKay was completely removed from the equation pretty much in Instinct, as his character was completely subdued in terms of speech. While I applaud the writers, for acknowledging the continuity from last episode (Sheppard's still not trusting him after the whole trinity thing, it seems) in a way that wouldn't stand out like a sore thumb if you're a casual viewer, I still hate the fact that McKay barely had a single comedic line all episode long... Really, besides scaring away kids again (where was his chocolate this time?) and mocking the physics of biology (which does fucking suck, by the way), did he really have anything to say? Guess after Duet and Trinity, he's said enough, but still... Having a repressed McKay may be good writing in terms of a script, but just makes for a downright depressing episode in the end...

Why the hell did he bring the retrovirus to the cave, where anyone could steal it? Why the hell didn't he at least magnetically lock his briefcase, when even fucking mice could fucking start sucking on a needle's nipple?...

Beckett didn't fuck up as badly as McKay did last episode. But he definitely wasn't the brightest bloke on the block anymore, that's for sure... The idea of a retrovirus that turns Wraith into humans sounds so damn farfetched, even considering the Stargate world where ground Goa'uld is somehow used to sustain entire planets of free Jaffa. But still, it gives Beckett a running plotline that I know will definitely serve a purpose in later episodes... at least that's something then, as it's always great to see the actor back...

But instead of giving us hope? Instead of throwing us a boner, the writers make us go all limp with repression...

Sure, I liked the subtleties and little nuances of the script to Instinct. It all came together in the end, whether it came to the legends of the monster in the forest, the father's herbal Chinese shit crap, and even the fact that multiple deaths are always reported in the village at once...

But really, I don't need to reminded of just down suckass my life is, every single time I turn on the television...

My instincts tell me that Stargate Atlantis was never meant to be this depressing...

Y2kk Update: - Stargate SG-1: Beachhead, Stargate Atlantis: Trinity, and Battlestar Galactica: Home (Part 1) Reviews (Spoilers...) -

Because to be honest? I was sort of a bit disappointed in this week's Stargate SG-1 episode, considering the title name was conjuring up the greatest of epic images of Saving Private Ryan's Normandy invasion...

But still, Beachhead manages to come out on top as not just the IvanFian episode of the week, but one of the best episodes of Sci-Fi Fridays this season. Right up there with Origin and Atlantis' The Siege (Part 3)...

The Ori truly are menacing. I mean, you can count the end of Beachhead as a victory for the SG-1 team, I suppose... But Nerus was right when he was talking and shitting at the same time, while chomping down on food and shit like that. I mean, if the Ori can't build Super-Stargates like they were trying to, then they might as well come in ships. With power sources like the ones they have, SG-1 can only delay the inevitable... or some MWAHAHA shit like that...

I mean seriously, it was a nice idea to piss off the SG team, by making an energy field that feeds off our most powerful weapons. The "Super-gate" was such a kickass idea. And the Ori really made the Asgard look like little naked children, when it came to showing them off with their ability to make black holes out of frickin' planets... And it's nice to see the term "Naquadria" back, as that fucking waste of a gate-buster bomb was perhaps the only remaining legacy of Jonas Quinn's tenure on the show...

But seriously, why the fuck did the Ori need earth and the Jaffa to feed the energy field with their weapons? Are the Ori really too cheap or just plain dumb, to send along their own goddam bombs and speed up the process? WTF?...

Well... at least we know that fucking multi-gigaton bombs can blow up shielded Priors now... chalk one up for the good guys, I suppose...

Now, I normally I'd just go on my usual hating spree, complaining that Vala overused her sexual innuendo shit yet again... and to some extent, I sort of do agree... with myself, I mean...

But really, for her farewell episode? I found that the writers made her a lot more likable. And lot more sexy, come to think of it... The scarf was a nice touch. Then again, the SG military garb she was wearing was pretty damn nice as well, just like it was at the end of the Powers That Be... And as soon as Carter came along, it was like Vala just turned on the jets with her little cutesy mannerisms that turn guys on. Before the SG-1 team was finally departing through the Stargate as a complete team, Vala was prancing about in such a childish, girlish way, mocking SG-1's little "Stargate club", that all somehow worked for her character, you know?...

I could've done without all the references to "size" and "shrinkage" or whatever sort of crap that I normally write into my reviews. But still, the character kinda felt like she fit into the team dynamic in Beachhead... Her sacrifice at the end didn't seem so noble, considering it was cheapened at the end by the thought of her getting sent somewhere in the Ori galaxies. But hey, maybe she'll pull an Abyss or something?... Why don't we guess how many times she'll be burned to death and then brought back to life? I'm sure Jackson was smirking about it while he was stoned up on morphine in bed...

Now, Landry still fucking sucks. Nothing will probably ever change my stance on that. But I suppose it says something about the decent writing in Beachhead, when even I have to admit the General had his first decent scenes of the entire goddam season... His phone conversation about Colonel Carter, while Carter was just standing there in his doorway, actually made me laugh in the end. Even without Jack O'Neill there, there was still somehow an RDA vibe to the moment. And I gotta give props to both the writers and the actor for making that happen...

And when it came to Nerus? Most of the diatribe scenes just rolled my eyes, as even the "rare delicacy" of chicken sounded like a lame ass joke when it was coming from Landry's bullshit mouth. But it was still a tense moment when the general threatened the fat bastard with hunger... I really couldn't care less about Nerus, as the actor's fat ass made listening to any of his Goa'uld speeches into something painfully obtuse and obese to bear. But the painful look on his face at the end was priceless, as he knew even the Ori couldn't save him from fucking starvation...

Pretty much every character in Beachhead was written rather well, as even Teal'c got a few moments to actually get his word across... Sure, it kinda cheapened the effect when both Vala and Daniel knew more about Nerus than even Teal'c seemed to care for. But hey, at least the guy was actually asked a meaningful question for once... There's just one thing I don't get. Why the fuck was Teal'c playing basketball at the SGC, when Gerak was prancing across the galaxy, fucking things up for the free Jaffa?... I didn't mind most of Teal'c's speeches to his political rival. But it just seems weird for everyone's favourite Jaffa, to be preaching about Jaffa shit while he's doing bum reps with Vala over on earth...

Speaking of the basketball scene, while I love the comraderieship in those kind of moments, I just couldn't stand Cam Mitchell in those scenes. I mean, he can't even make his layups go towards the fucking basket? WTF?... Still, besides Origin, Beachhead was absolutely Ben Browder's best performance of his SG-1 career to date. I loved his "thirty earth minutes" speech to the Prior, quoted for truth. And you gotta love the expression on everyone's face, especially Vala's, when they all realized they had nothing else to say for the thirty minutes left... And the "band" gig he was speaking of? It was a tried and true moment, to see the SG-1 team back together again and stepping through the gate, side by side. But Cam Mitchell really made that moment seem special somehow, simply since his character actually cared so much for that Kodak moment, you know?...

Of course, there's another reason why that scene was almost touching and nostalgic, as Beachhead featured the return of Amanda Tapping from maternity leave. And let me just say, that considering she just had a child? She was still looking pretty damn fine in the end... The thing is though, while I loved her "backup singer" reference, it felt more like Carter was the backup singer this time around. She was relegated to just reading off of blank blue screens, and dictating orders from the Prometheus to the team on the surface... She felt like a special guest somehow, not a true member of the cast and crew. Maybe it was just the return from maternity leave or something? Or maybe it was just from the fact that nobody really cared she was back, next to Daniel making a small mention of it in the gateroom...

Season nine has been all about Daniel and mythology so far. Now, while Beachhead really didn't dwell on the mythological side very much, instead giving us a view of an extremely cool "Super-gate", I still thought Daniel was a great part of the episode as a whole... He almost seemed like he was starting to like Vala's company during the basketball game. Yet he was almost smiling in glee, when he realized Vala had sent herself to the Ori as a "message". The ultimate weapon, indeed... Daniel got to show a little cheer and relief, that Carter was finally back with the gang. And you gotta love his five second speech during the thirty minute window on the planet, as the SG-1 team just looked so damn weird in those lopsided astronaut suits of theirs...

I was still a bit disappointed in Beachhead, as the plot was just a bit too predictable for me... Seeing a Super-gate was awe-inspiring, sure. But those metal flying thingies kinda made the Ori seem more technological than they did magical, which kinda ruined the illusion for me... And it wasn't just the Ori who were stupid as ass when it came to force field. I mean, hasn't the SG team seen force fields that absorb energy rather than just deflect it? And if they haven't, then hell, haven't they watched a single season of Star Trek before or some shit like that?...

But every character was good to great in terms of script and character development in Beachhead. And the special effects were some of the best I've seen from the SG-1 team in years...

And as far as I'm concerned? Stargate SG-1 has truly fortified their position, in their new war against Stargate Atlantis this season, at taking back the Sci-Fi throne of a beachhead from me...

I mean seriously, Sci-Fi Friday had a nice trinity going for itself this week, as Stargate SG-1, Atlantis, and Battlestar Galactica all had decent to more than decent shows...

What was her problem anyhew? Yes, I can see her point, in wanting to save lives when it came to shutting down the experiment. And Rodney was really kind of obsessed with the thing, Omega fucking particle style... But did she really have to snipe and snap at anyone who wanted to keep the experiment going? Sure, Caldwell's blurb about "human error" was just mincing words about wanting to keep the weapon testing going. But really, it was still a valid question, and yet Weir still just tried to fuck the Col. up for the rest of the episode for it... She screamed and bitched at everyone. As except for her boobs being all perky in those goddam scenes, for whatever sort of reason, it was like watching my goddam mother bitching and complaining that I spend too much time at school, or some shit like that...

If you completely ignore Dr. Weir, then Trinity was not a bad episode whatsoever. It was just that... it wasn't an enjoyable one, like I've come to expect from Stargate Atlantis as a whole...

Trinity as a name, reminded me of two things. a) Fucking Trinity from the fucking Matrix, fucking the entire series up with her bitching... and b)? The episode kind of reminds me of those times in romantic comedies, where the fucking bitch learns a secret about the guy, and then breaks things off with him until he finally gets on his knees and begs her to come back... fucking bitches...

The break-up parts of romantic comedies are always the hardest parts to watch, and inherently the least entertaining parts as well. Although at least, they're usually humiliating in a good way...

But I can't say the same when it comes to Rodney McKay losing his trust factor when it comes to all his teammates... Some on the internet are hailing the series, for finally making the guy seem human and prone to "human error", and I do agree to some extent. It just wasn't entertaining though... Maybe it will be, once he and Sheppard kiss and make up, or whatever sort of 'shipper crap? Sometimes, a series does have to sacrifice an episode or two, for the good of the seasonal arc...

But still, son of a bitch... everyone was just so goddam bitchy this episode, that it wasn't even funny...

Sheppard wasn't his usual joking self. Instead, all he did was claim he trusted McKay, yet in his eyes, it looked like he was standing there with a rapist while McKay was simply fucking Zelenka over with his arrogant speeches... I liked the final Puddle Jumper run away from the planet, but once again, what the fuck was Sheppard thinking? I know that Ancient sensors should be able to see through cloaks, but why the fuck didn't he just try to fucking cloak the fucking jumper? Seriously, how hard could it be just to fucking think of the fucking word "invisible"?... I can understand why he would be hesitant to trust McKay for a long while, and cross and close his arms like he did in the transport elevator. But considering how dumbass the Colonel has been being for the past several weeks in combat situations, I just can't fucking take him seriously anymore...

Beckett was barely in the episode, so I can't really comment about anything he did much. And Caldwell was mostly annoying, considering the writers have been setting him up to be the completely pro-military guy on the show, which never rubs off well on the fans... But at least Caldwell was honest with Weir, when it came to admitting he wanted the big honking space gun on the planet. And at least the Daedalus saved the day in the end, with a nice interference run and a kickass shot of the ship... The thing is, the fucking Daedalus' shields didn't even buckle under the stress of the superweapon of the Ancients. WTF?... I know the power source was only running at 40%, but really, that weapon must've sucked ass if it can't even fucking beat up an Asgard shield. And if Ancient weapons don't go right through shields like drones do, as I've come to expect, then why the hell don't the Wraith protect their ships with fucking shields? WTF?...

Teyla and Ronon took up the B-plot of the episode. And it wasn't a bad plot, as Trinity was a character driven episode, and their 'relationship' will definitely define the two by the end of the season... It's just that, not much happened from a plot point of view when it came to their trading story. Ronon simply used her friendship like a guy would use a bitch, and then backstab her by fucking stabbing a traitor in the face, in front of her face. Really, what's wrong with that?... I didn't mind their story, as slow as it was. It's just that... it dragged away from the A-plotline, you know? Every time we would finally settle into some decent moments in the Ancient power lab, the episode would cut to some lame ass drinking scene, or Teyla helping to tuck Ronon fucking Dex in bed or some crap like that. WTF?...

But Trinity was all about McKay in the end. It's just that, he wasn't the funny McKay that we've come to know and love...

I loved his script in some places. Comparing the Arcturus project to the Manhattan project was a great moment for me, as I studied the progress of the first nuclear bombs like an obsessed maniac when I was smaller... It also brings up a lot of debatable topics to this day. I mean, was it really necessary to build the first nuclear bomb? Would the world have been a better place if the scientists had just given up and quit the project?... Either way, McKay did make sense in a lot of moments. He wanted the red shirted scientist's death to actually mean something. And he was right in asking for Sheppard's trust, as really, Rodney has saved his ass too many times to tell...

... and then McKay just blows up one piddly, little star system... or "five sixths" of it actually?... and then suddenly everyone just turns on him? WTF?...

Seriously, what was with Stargate this week, and fucking planetary destruction?...

Though McKay was definitely a bit too fargone with this project for his own good. As bitchy Weir had it right, when she mentioned that sometimes Rodney has to be saved from himself... Arcturus was a high risk, high reward kind of ideal. Siphoning energy from the entropy of our own universe is like the holy grail of power sources. As the only way you'd ever run out of steam, is if you fucking blew up our fucking universe in the process. And I guess if you did, a power source wouldn't be so useful anymore...

Zelenka's little speech about the whole power source thing, absolutely sucked though. He talked about unpredictability and exotic particles, as if he was just describing quantum physics as we know it today. I mean, in the first seasons of Stargate, I would've believed a speech like that, since modern day gluons and subatomic shit like that are completely unpredictable to humanity in behaviour... But after seeing what the Tollans, Asgard, and Ancients could do with physics, then why not believe that there is always a way to control the unpredictable? It wasn't like they were seeing dancing gerbils or mice underneath the microscope or anything... As a wannabe scientist myself, I don't think McKay was so far off in thinking that the Ancients were so close to figuring it all out. I mean, Carter at the start of SG-1 thought hyperspace travel was impossible. And Zero Point Modules still don't seem like alkaline batteries to me, so...

Still, McKay was definitely too arrogant for his own good, thinking he was actually smarter than the Ancients at some points. And he did abuse his trust when it came to Sheppard, as McKay didn't even leave his monitor console when the overload was happening a second time... Rodney has definitely been taken down a notch, as the poor guy was humbled and embarrassed and definitely hurt when it was all said and done...

And while I'm sure that'll bring across some nice consequences and continuity in later episodes?...

... well, it just wasn't entertaining enough, or IvanFian episode of the week quality for me...

For a character driven episode, Atlantis was too heavy with pessimism, and far too light on the comedic elements of the periodic table...

But still, we got some amazing CG shots of the Wraith fleet destroyed in orbit. And we got Rodney McKay, showing off his acting skills, like only Hewlett can (David Hewlett, I mean... not Jennifer Love Hewitt... though I do love what she shows off too... fucking bitch...)...

Battlestar Galactica's Home sounded like such a great episode on paper. And to some extent, it did show a lot of potential...

But 'potential' doesn't pry away the best IvanFian episode of the week award from the cold, dead fingers of my precious Stargate series...

... I was hoping that Home would feel a lot like... well?... home, actually... like Hand of God felt, when it came to family...

... or even how You Can't Go Home Again felt... as even though that episode was still pretty much shit on a stick, it still have a great sense of closeness and family...

I mean, the B-plot on Galactica was just plain a waste of time, and something that any viewer really could've done without... Why the fuck were we subjected to so many boring scenes, of that fucking new CAG pulling a Kelby, and trying to show that nobody's as good as Trip Tucker? How the fuck was he so stupid, to fucking let Hot Dog and Kat shoot at each other, thanks to a fucking radio miscommunication?... Really, I know the guy is green, but hasn't he been doing this kind of flying shit for years and years? Nobody should be that bad... but unibrow over there apparently was...

On the Battlestar itself, no character really felt like themselves... Tigh was barely doing anything at all, except for watching the old man as he jacked and cracked his own wallnuts (...)... And Dr. Baltar? WTF have the writers done with his character? All he does now, is stand in his doorway, spouting rhetoric about being afraid of Cylon faces and shit like that. Where's the cockiness, and arrogance, and general Baltarisms that I've come to Ori worship and love about the guy?... Sometimes I do wonder if he's ironically a Cylon, with Number Six giving him orders subconsciously or some shit like that. I mean, has he even tested himself?... But Cylon or not, I just want the old Baltar back. Bring him home to me, please... if that sounds good, I mean...

But if you want any bitch on the bridge to really be considered a Cylon? It's Dualla now, as her speech to Commander Adama was just too "anti-Cylon" for its own good... I guess her remarks shouldn't be that suspicious, that she would want to get the fleet back together, considering every random red shirt in the CIC seemed to smirk and cheer as well at the announcement. But still, her private scene with Adama just felt weird either way... Not just because he's so fucking old, and she's so fucking young, meanwhile as he was stroking his own stern mast in front of her with a lubricated brush (...)... But rather because, why was she there in the first place? Why trust her with his self-pity? WTF?... It just felt... off... somehow...

The thing is, with Home? Both the start of the episode, and the finish were great...

I loved the first five minutes of the show. When Apollo saw Sharon walking through that door, the raw passion and emotion in that scene I thought would define the whole two parter, as Helo even got a lovely welcome home as well... Everything just felt epic about that moment. Helo being called a "moron" for not knowing who Roslin was, or Starbuck's reactions to hearing that Sharon put two bullets into Adama's chest?... Captain Adama really did care about his father then and there. Enough to exact revenge on a person who technically speaking, was innocent of the crime... And WTF was up with Airlock Roslin this episode? If she turns out to be a Cylon, can we please push the bitch out of an airlock?...

But everything in between that one, masterful scene, and the end of the episode? Was there anything really of value sandwiched in there?...

Apollo and Starbuck got to grapple with the consequences of things. Hell, not only did Lee kiss her on the lips, but he even told her he loved her. And that got her attention, at least...

I can't say that the pyramid ball scene was that bad. I mean, watching Lee act like a smartass, stealing her ball and then letting her run home with it, did feel natural at least. Awkward, yes, but natural considering how the two were interacting with each at the end of the first season... And Starbuck the slut? She's good at everything apparently, including fucking over fucking generic guys on nuked planets. It'll be nice to see Apollo's reactions to what happened with Anders, as the pyramid ball scene between him and Thrace wasn't so bad...

... it's just that, pretty much everything else those two crazy kids did together, felt too menial, meaningless, and mediocre for their own good...

Poor Sharon locked in a cage again (sort of again for her, I mean...). She was far too cock-sucking and cocky acting, almost like a religious fanatic at times, so perhaps she is programmed to help the survivors find earth or something afterall?... Either way, first Apollo gets in her face with a gun in public, and then once again in the jail cell. Leading to a bitchy ass scene with Starbuck, which lead nowhere really in Home at least, as far as I was concerned... And then you had Helo, the balding hero, to the rescue. The poor bastard looked so pussy whipped that it's not even funny, holding her hand in the jail cell... And then when it came to the planet, you'd think he'd do something to help stop the goddam Cylons shooting at him or something. But instead, he just froze there like a deer in the headlights, when it came to Sharon taking Apollo by the balls and running home with it...

Roslin was a bitch as always. It's just that, finally we find that Zarek is a decent enough counterpart to the conniving bitch... The president doesn't seem to care about life anymore. She seems to care too much for the mission, as not once did she even think about the fleet or the people that she left behind (unlike Adama on the other end)... Zarek meanwhile, at least doesn't bullshit his way through 'caring for the people', as Roslin does, as Tom at least openly admits that he just wants to get into power. By becoming second in command to the one bitch who can rally them all... one fucking bitch to rule them all...

Nothing really happened with the two in Home though. The plot thickened definitely, as the both Zarek and the president had their little soliloquies with their close confidants and stuff... But for the most part? The middle of Home was just filled with fluff, and fucking floating debris from blown up asteroids. Nothing there really hit home with me...

Commander Adama has felt off for a very long time now. Ever since his return, he's been distant and distracted, and definitely suffering from post-traumatic shit or stuff... I mean seriously, talk about a goddam Greek tragedy. He almost loses his life after being betrayed by one of his best Raptor pilots. And then he gets stabbed in the fucking back, as he was dying and fucking lying on his fucking back, by his own fucking son. Not to mention the fact that Roslin decides to fuck him in the head rather than the mast, but I digress... Hell, he should've been shafting a Greek Trireme there in that fucking pretty, petty officer scene at the end. It would've fit the theme of the episode, let alone the series, a lot better than an old Galleon would...

But damn, did Edward James Olmos nail those final two scenes of his in the end...

He didn't even have to say anything. He just let his eyes, his throat, his expression, his compassion, and the music tell it all. And he pulled it off masterfully...

The conflict. The pain. The loathing. The self-pity. All of it, you could see in his eyes...

Now, it sucks that like any man to a fucking bitch, he's going to suck it up and basically come back crawling to fucking Roslin back home at Kobol. But what else is new for mankind, right?... Even though from a purely military point of view, it's wrong to put the whole fleet at jeopardy, by flying straight into Cylon territory? It just felt right in that moment, for the series at least, with the music and that sorrowful expression on his face, that it's time to bring the 'family' back together again...

This is a space opera, afterall. The relationship break-up had ended, and now it was time to fucking pull and sew together all the fallen Trinity pieces, and just get fucked by Cylons in the frakking process... which at least gives me a lot of hope, that the feeling of home will be coming home, in the next half of the Home two-parter at least...

Because I mean seriously, Home wasn't so bad... Commander Adama was finally back, nailing his scenes and the petty officers like only the actor can...

And thank the gods that finally Elosha fucking died. The fucking preacher bitch was fucking getting on my fucking nerves...

I mean, since we're talking about farms here, I might as well tell the truth... that Battlestar Galactica's The Farm was like dogshit, chicken shit, horseshit, and the usual bullshit, all rolled up in one neat little package...

I had thought that I would be relieved as hell once the Crapica storyline was finally done and away with... and yet ironically enough, I'm now complaining that the writers wrapped up their shit there way too quickly, with a completely rushed ending in The Farm...

It was nice to see Caprican Boomer return. But really, was that really her, or just another copy? She did leave the band for a while, afterall... kinda lost track of whether she was replaced or some shit like that...

It's just that, too many things happened off camera in The Farm, something that BSG as a space opera rarely seems to ever do... Where were the scenes of Boomer hacking the Cylon intranet, or stealing that Raider transport? Instead, she just shows up out of nowhere, with basically some huge ass explanation for everything that's happened in the past year on Caprica...

It's not like Ron Moore to just spill the beans out like that, even if the answer had been obvious for the longest of times... My theories from last season were pretty much concluded: the Cylons wanted to make a baby through human reproductive means (for religious reasons), and used Helo and Boomer as their goddam guinea pigs in love... What I didn't suspect, was that the Cylons would go all the way to the rape rape date sim side of the force, and try to implant Cylon fetuses directly into human vaginas. But even that scene was just a castaway, throwaway moment in The Farm, as Kara just blew up a generator and was done with the goddam place in five seconds flat...

Helo was useless. He looked like such a fucking lost ball boy out there... And is his hairline receding or something? I know radiation is supposed to have fucked up effects on you, but really... Damn man, the guy is going bald...

Now, Anders was a complete waste of fucking time as well. Did he have any real purpose, except to be the only real generic, genetically perfect hero on the show so far?... Now, there's really no indication of this yet, but I'm praying that the motherfucker turns out to be a Cylon. It's just not like the BSG writers to write in some perfect, cliche of a character like he is... So I'm guessing, that either he turns out to be the thing that finally shuts Kara's mouth when it comes to Helo falling in love with a machine, or... he's simply there to sadly make Lee look good...

But really, how the fuck can Apollo ever look good? The guy's a complete, messed up moron... So while his father was still dying on a dinner table, he decides to stage a mutiny against everything the Commander believes in. And then when push came to shove, Lee was still too pussy just to put his name on a cassette tape? WTF?... Have some balls, man. He really is fucking clueless out there, not knowing what side he's on... Hasn't his father taught him anything about being in command yet? When you're at the top, you make your decisions and stand by them, no matter what the fuck you really think. But apparently, he's too dumbass to even remember his lessons from season one...

The president is just whacked out of her mind though, and I think the blessing scene on the Astral Queen proved it without a shadow of a doubt... She obviously still has her wits about her, despite being OD'ed on drugs (I Dare you to say that five times fast... wait, that's easy. Nevermind...), as she knew that blessing each and every person was wrong... she's still just a human being...

But really, who the fuck does she think she is? You proclaim yourself a prophet, or a hand of god to the desperate masses, and yet don't expect to be blessing the masses at mass like the Pope does every once in a while?... She wants to lead the survivors to earth. I don't mind that. But dragging every living soul to Kobol, without military protection, simply because she thinks that the gods will protect her? WTF?... If she doesn't turn out to be a Cylon, then the writers are truly just as whacked out as she is...

Hell, even Tom Zarek seems a lot smarter than the prez is turning out to be. He seems to be manipulating the president, while Ellen tears apart Tigh... consummating whatever power-monger deal the two of them made last year, during whatever goddam awful episode took place on Cloud 9... At least these two have a plan...

Tigh had nothing to do this episode. Things were back to normal I see, eh?... Some on the internet have criticized Commander Adama for letting Tigh back into the chain of command. But really... I guess all these Tigh-haters must be Bush-haters as well (not that Bush ain't an idiot, but still...). Because really, from a purely militaristic point of view? Tigh made decent decisions for the survival of the human race... Political wise, and face wise, he made a lot of frakkin' mistakes. But every decision he made, no matter how badly it turned out, was exactly from the same path of thinking that Adama had going at the end of the first season...

Yet Tigh gets booed off the stage, and we all clap and cheer for the return of Commander Adama?... which was literally Dr. Baltar's only moment in the entire episode, but that's a story for another day...

Now, I was hoping that The Farm would turn out to be an amazing episode, if only from the return of Edward James Olmos as the Commander. But really, his character had barely any of the epic lines he was given throughout the best of the first season episodes...

Sure, I liked how he broke down over the dead Boomer (was it wrong for me to be turned on in that scene?... umm... nevermind...). And sure, his speech to Tyrol was decent, telling him he'd see Boomer again (which won't take very long, as we all know)... I liked how Adama was talking about Sharon as if he loved her like a daughter, yet only sentenced Cally for "discharging a firearm". The contrast between his two warring feelings in that one scene alone, was definitely the pinnacle of the entire goddam, shitty ass episode...

But The Farm was still a shitty ass episode, because Adama was pretty much ignored on the bridge and in command, and given lines they could've given to goddam Teal'c (umm... I mean, Tigh... or did I?...). What was really the point of all those pointless scenes, of him slamming down papers in hope that the fleet really is dumb enough to follow the president?... Instead of actually focusing on the division of the fleet (although the preview for next week looks decent...), everything was centered around Kara on frakkin' Crapica instead...

From an acting standpoint, Kara Thrace wasn't so bad in The Farm. It's just that, the material she was given was beyond the bullshit she's normally given on any other Caprica shitfest...

Was there any real doubt that the doctor was a Cylon? This was the same actor who played an evil man on Star Trek Voyager, and again an evil Jaffa in Stargate SG-1... Hell, even Kara suspected right off them bat that this guy was a Cylon. Obviously, we were meant to know this guy was a psycho with a syringe... But listening to him pathetically try to convince Kara that he wasn't a Cylon, with about five or six bloody hell speeches throughout the damn show, was definitely not what the doctor ordered...

I liked some of Kara's scenes. You could really feel her helplessness, when she saw Simon outside, talking with Number Six about removing her ovaries, or some shit like that. And killing the evil Jaffa imposter, was definitely worthy of a few claps and cheers here and there... It's just that, pretty much the rest of the episode sucked goddam donkey balls. The farming and milking scene, with all the girls getting tentacle raped by cow tubes up their pussies, was just so short and pointless for anyone who isn't a fucking feminist or vegetarian... All the other scenes, of Kara just going to sleep because the doc kept feeding her drugs, has just got to be the lamest way of passing time and the shitty plot in a BSG episode ever... And hell, even the firefight at the end licked balls. It was just random shooting, with some random red shirt biting the dust, and fucking Anders there taking point...

... and then we got some fucking touchy feely shit between the two of them, as Anders showed off just how wet and sharp and large his goddam Arrow of Apollo was...

Now, the Farm wasn't the worst Battlestar Galactica episode ever made to date. Shitty ass shit, like Litmus and Flesh and Bone from last year, simply cannot be topped in terms of terrible turdness (heh... say that one five times fast...)...

But The Farm definitely was the weakest episode of Battlestar Galactica this season to date...

... and definitely was one of the key reasons, why this Sci-Fi Friday was the worst of the new seasons so far...

Hell, it was like Ron Moore hired a bunch of fucking hillbilly hicks from the south to write this episode...

... and with Boomer back, and Starbuck in fucking hospital clothes? He's milking the series and his bitches for all they're worth as well...

... but still, The Farm almost made me wish the show had fucking bit the farm...

Y2kk Update: - Stargate SG-1: The Powers That Be and Stargate Atlantis: Condemned Reviews (Spoilers...) -

I've been condemned all week long, to fucking depression and fucking sickness and fucking goddam illness...

... which makes what the Ori offer to humanity, that much more tempting to me...

Because pardon me if I'm letting my headaches and nausea get in the way of my impartial judgment. But this week's SciFi Friday was definitely the weakest overall one out of the new season so far...

The Powers That Be was a rather boring episode in the end. Afterall, what else could I expect from a rehash of Cor-ai, which was one of those first season shit episodes that I hated even when Stargate SG-1 was new?...

Heh... and in an ironic twist of fate, considering The Powers That Be essentially rehashed the whole Teal'c-on-trail storyline? Teal'c was relegated to being just a standing, wooden post in the background... Seriously, did he have any lines at all? And no, "indeed" does not count as a line anymore... indeed...

I can't say that the main premise, of Vala facing the trials and tribulations of her past, was of any real consequence at all... Sure, I kinda felt for the gal, when she was tearing up at the loss of everyone's favourite, goofy, loyal servant. But really, Claudia Black's character just ain't suited for trying to make a drama out of a show that rarely takes itself seriously anymore...

Vala was alright though with the comedy in The Powers That Be. Her banter with Daniel about being his god was decent, and you gotta respect a girl for naming an entire court system after herself... But besides that, we were simply stuck with, simply put, Vala stuck in a cage. It was funny at first to watch her try to squirm her head out of there, but her constant jabs for a rescue mission soon started grating on the nerves... And I really could care less if she really did want to help all those people with her healing device. The last thing that Stargate right now needs is to become Star-gate Wars, with Vala the smuggler taking a turn for the heart of gold worse, like Hans Solo turning into shit in Return of the Jedi...

Besides, thanks to ol' Cameron Mitchell, SG-1's already become the new Fargate of Sci-Fi Friday...

Seriously, the writers are criminally underutilizing Ben Browder's character this season. I mean, except for a few jabs at Vala being the loser in the "god-off" (which was a god-awful joke, by the way), did he even have any lines?... He just literally laid there flat on his back, sick as a doorknob, as if he was trying to just collect insurance checks like goddam Commander Adama over on Battlestar Galactica... It's almost as if the writers, having gotten rid of Lt. Ford over on Atlantis, decided to write all of the character's skits and shit into Cameron Mitchell for the season. Which turns out by mere coincidence, to be absolutely nothing of value or importance at all... Now that's what I'm talking about...

And oh, Landry sucks balls. His lunch conversation with Lam was just plain embarrassing, as he seemed more like a nutcase uncle trying to seduce his niece, than he ever seemed like a distraught father... As for Lexa Doig, really, how can I ever have anything against the gal? She's beautiful as heck, even when she's heckling her father like the bitch she is... She came off as completely abrasive in The Powers That Be, and completely insensitive when it came to the lives of the people she was trying to save. Lexa Doig just doesn't put any real emotion into her lines, as if she's still digging her old skool Rommie role or something... though she does seem to get a few tingles whenever Col. Mitchell mentions them too, just for shits and giggles...

Because yeah, the main story of Vala being on trial for her past shit was definitely not worth tuning in for... but Stargate SG-1 returning to be the Daniel show, definitely was worth an hour or so...

The team dynamic of the first seasons of SG-1 is still missing, but I'll definitely admit that I do find the show's return to the more magical and mythological side of things, to be rather intriguing at times... and a welcome breath of fresh air, after so many seasons of technobabble and technodribble...

Michael Shanks definitely seems to have his heart set in his role. He really seems to spark a fire in his belly, whenever he recalls being burned to death at the stake or whatever... He really did put a lot of emphasis into his thoughts and words, whenever he tried to warn the people on Abydos 245 or whatever of the Ori. He really did seem like the Daniel of old, when he was explaining to that Ori-worshipper on the planet, that all because you don't understand how something works, doesn't mean it's magic... Now that's old skool Daniel magic for you there...

True, I loved the effort the actor put into his role in the debate forum. But I absolutely hate what the writers wrote for him, and I think even the powers that be know that... I mean seriously, WTF? Vala said it best, as really, who's side is Daniel really on?... Sure, we know that the Ori aren't true gods, since they were once in human form. Us earthlings would then just consider them as being 4D and really advanced or something, but not gods... But for the common folk, really, how are the Ori not gods? They can create life, and destroy at will. They're pretty omnipotent, and have the greatest powers in the known universe... And yeah, except for all the hellfire and brimstone crap, what the Priors offer really does sound good. Who wouldn't want to reach enlightenment? And have a little fun with magical powers, kicking ass and taking names in the process as well?...

Seriously, considering I've been fucking infected by the plague this week? Sign me the fuck up...

Daniel nailed a great question in private though. Because really, why do the Ori want every human to worship them?... Do they want more ascended beings on their side, to wage war against our Ancients up there? Do they somehow feed on the poor saps that they do raise up to enlightenment, like a sort of energy-based Wraith? Or hell, do they just want to control everyone, to make sure nobody ever really does ascend ever again, so that nobody would ever challenge the Ori's power?... These are the questions that are making the ninth season of Stargate SG-1 into the most interesting one in years. And these are exactly the type of questions, that made SG-1 into the mystical and majestic series that it still stands as today...

... chalk one up for the powers that be behind the scenes then, for giving us the Ori in the first place...

The thing is, what probably makes The Powers That Be into my IvanFian episode of the week, is the fact that... simply put?...

So, pretty much, just as I speculated at the start of the season, the Ori are most likely the ones who infected our Ancients with the plague millions of years ago. The Ancients then destroyed all life in our galaxy with the weapon at Dakarta, and fooled the Ori into thinking that the Milky Way would forever be devoid of humanity... We got more information on exactly what this virus from Frozen is like. And it's kinda cool actually, how the virus can mutate on the fly like the worst forms of influenza, even to the point of becoming immune to the Goa'uld hand device. Now that's not half bad... and helps make the Ori look like chilling foes in the end, as they conquered a planet without even technically firing a single shot...

Now, I still hate how the Priors, like the enhanced humans from Metamorphosis, can seem to stop bullets in mid-air effortlessly. It's like they're fucking channeling the Matrix or some shit like that... And why was Teal'c wielding his P90? Where was his staff weapon? Couldn't he have tried that?... I much would've preferred to see Vala shoot at the pale moonlight bastard with duel wielded zat guns or something. Though Mr. Joker over there would've probably just deflected them like Force Lightning or some shit like that...

But the smug look of sweet victory, that the Prior gave to Daniel at the end? Telling him to spread the word of what he's seen here, was definitely a lovely rub in the face. And I just loved it, as the good guys really haven't technically lost at the end of an episode, since the early days of SG-1... "Hallowed are the Ori" may be getting grating on the nerves. But the music at the end of the episode was definitely haunting, and definitely one of the reasons why I'm enjoying the ninth season of SG-1 so far, as much as I am Atlantis...

I've been condemned to fucking headaches and nausea all week long... so I was hoping of getting a humourous episode this week, to lift up my spirits while work fucking drags me the fuck down below... to balance off these two fucking, warring powers that may be, it seems...

SG-1 was a decent enough episode, and probably good enough to be my IvanFian episode of the week... simply because the competition was real damn light, all things considered, this Sci-Fi Friday...

... but I'll still admit, that Atlantis' Condemned was probably the episode I most enjoyed...

It was a simple, by-the-book episode more or less. And to be honest, it really reminded me of that Odo episode in SG-1's season four, where Jack tries to make an alliance with the Adolf Hitler of that world... and ended up killing him mercilessly without trial in the end, might I add...

Condemned was pretty much the same. The ending of it just made little fucking moral sense... I know that Sheppard needed the convicts to leave, if he wanted to get his team to safety and all. But really, not only did he let loose armed murderers into the galaxy, but he made sure that every innocent person left on the planet, would suffer the consequences at the hands of the Wraith... Now, I'm sure a race as advanced as the ones in Condemned were, could easily handle a Wraith cruiser or two. But once the Hive ships come knocking at the door, I for one think that Sheppard's actions should definitely be condemned...

Either way, even if it was, there are other reasons why Condemned just wasn't good enough to be my episode of the week... namely, just how stupid everyone was in it, pretty much...

Explain to me, why the fuck didn't Sheppard cloak his jumper while going over hostile criminal territory? Is it really that hard just to think of the word "cloak" or some shit like that, before heading into fucking cannon fire?... Even once the cloak was damaged, why the hell didn't he just fly higher? The damn ship can reach orbit, and yet he still stays in the direct line of fire? WTF?... And then his big diversion at the end, ended up as nothing more than a few sticks and stones. You'd think that they would've ambushed the criminals for their weapons back, while Torrell and his men were scouting for the Wraith Dart or something. But no... instead, Sheppard thought that he could snap the criminals' backs in half with his bare hands like a twig...

Atlantis hasn't really been great this season when it comes to the actual plotlines. Even The Siege (Part 3) felt rushed in terms of an ending... although that still stands as my favourite episode of the season, of all sci-fi shows so far...

Still, Stargate Atlantis always comes through where it matters most... in the comedy, and in the characters...

Sheppard was back to his old bag of tricks this episode. I mean, who here didn't get choked up when the guy was reminiscing about the destroyed city of Atlantis?... He had a lot of his old wacky lines back. Calling Ronon as "Chewie" was one thing, and trying to order a pizza before ordering the big, harry brute around was another... Of course, the best moment possible came from the stick he tried to snap in two. The poor guy busted his leg up, as he's never going to kick Teyla's ass and fuck it up at this rate... John Sheppard definitely wasn't a smart hero this time around, as he even didn't check around his shanty shack of a cell for the goddam radio. But at least his sheer stupidity lightened my mood up, just a tiny bit at least...

Ronon Dex was pretty much useless, wearing weird ass clothes that remind me more of a pimp than even a fucking Baywatch slut does... Still, while his action skills were sorely lacking (as he barely even fought well this episode), I found his comedic timing to be strangely acute, for some odd reason... I snickered at his little porridge and Goldilocks shit, if only because McKay makes every moment great. And who here didn't laugh out loud as the criminals at gunpoint told him not to move at all, only for Ronon to still kick that guy on the ground for good measure?... His character may have had no depth in Condemned. But damn, does the man have style...

Teyla got to get some decent lines in. Pretty much more than she ever did in season one, besides the moments she used her Wraith abilities at least... I absolutely loved her stick fighting in Condemned, as the actress really is talented at the Star Wars: Episode I fighting. Give the gal a lightsabre to take on the Ori, why don't you... And I don't know, but just the looks she gave to each other character on the cast seemed to show a lot of trust and loyalty. Either she's sleeping with everyone behind the scenes, or she's just really comfortable with her role in the team now. And it shows somehow, as she was always perfectly placed on Sheppard's wing... it works from both a friendly and military viewpoint, if you ask the noname whiner at least...

Dr. Weir finally got to go offworld, and show some backbone too. Too bad it's not her backside I prefer on her, however... Still, I suppose that actually taking a stand, and having Major Lorne back her up with firepower, was a nice change of pace over her whining like a bitch every single episode. And she did show some decent poise and conviction in the Puddle Jumper while the Wraith Cruisers hovered up above... But meh, she still didn't do it for me. What ever happened to changing her hair and tight ass T-shirt every single hour?... it was the little things from Weir I treasured... and her bigger assets as well...

And Dr. McKay was kicking ass and taking as many names as ever... Now, I'm afraid that the loser villain, Torrell, will come back in some later episode or something, because it was strange how he had McKay pegged down so well in Condemned. Hell, I even laughed at how he pointed out McKay always likes to make himself look like a hero, for achieving the impossible. And then McKay just happens to achieve the 'impossible' an hour so later... Even if Torrell sucked, McKay made every single actor he worked with sound great. Factor in Rodney having the greatest of lines, like being shot down by the cast of Braveheart, and what do you get?...

Unfortunately, if there's just one more real reason why Condemned will be forever Condemned to be just an average filler episode of the season? It's because the villains just weren't up to stuff and snuff... 'nuff said...

The Magistrate was just plain weird. He did an alright job at the dinner table, being so terrified of the Wraith that he was shaking as he was forcing himself to laugh. But for the rest of the episode, he was just a slimy, fat, pompous, generic asshole... I mean, hasn't this card been played before? Wasn't the character some magistrate on some Christian world in season four, who eventually got himself taken over by a Goa'uld, and shot to death a couple of thousand times?... then yeah, he wasn't so threatening in Condemned anymore...

The cultured Wraith was just plain off as well... Now, I don't mind the fact that some Wraith out there, are more human-like than the rest are. It's just that, there was just something about his performance, that reminded me way too much of a bad Buffy episode or something... I just bought the Last Samurai and Interview with the Vampire 2-Pack DVD set today. And somehow, the Wraith in Condemned just reminds me of fucking Tom Cruise, claiming he's going to "miss our conversations" at the dinner table, or some bullshit like that...

Since the Wraith wasn't given a name this episode, I might as well call him Spike. Because really, what else can you name a blonde haired, space-vampire, who actually eats food as twinkies for the texture?...

I can't wait until Buffy the Vampire Slayer gets her ass staked by Spike the Wraith...

... or Darth Willow goes one-on-one against a Prior of the Ori, but that's a story for another day...

... hells bells, I'd sure wish the powers that be could just make that happen...

But for now? I think I'd just rather settle for some decent sleep, and hopefully a full fucking recovery by tomorrow morning...

... as really, even though the Stargates weren't exactly the most stellar of episodes this week?...

... they were still decent enough... for a sick and tired and dissident man looking for a bit of relief, at least...

... as I was entertained, and even intrigued... there's really nothing to condemn the powers that be for...

Y2kk Update: - Nintendo's Wario Ware Inc. Mega Party Game$ Nintendo Gamecube Review (Spoilers?... umm, no...) -

If there's one thing that I've learned while being part of the bloody hell working force?...

One is obviously the timeless, epic classic. The Zelda series will always live on in my heart, no matter what kind of shit the rest of the video gaming industry tries to shove into my face...

But the other type of game? The other type of game I love... just happens to be the simplest...

I've been a video game fan since I was something like four or five years old, ever since I got my first Atari 7800 and a CGA PC...

I loved my simplistic games back then. And with so little time on the weekdays to devote to gaming these days? I can't help but keep on loving my simplistic games now as well...

Star Wars: Battlefront and sports games have been my bread and butter, and my only fucking relief from the fucking farce known as work, for the past couple months or so... They're all just simple pick up and play games. And more to the point, they're all fun in both single player mode and multiplayer mode. Which is a must for every family, and for every party... if you want to stay sane in this working world, at least...

Wario Ware Inc. Mega Party Game$ for the Nintendo Gamecube may end up being one of the longest lasting of the pick and play games in the end... I mean, the formula is pretty darn simple. All you do, is follow the instructions on screen the split second they arrive. And if you don't fuck it up, you move onto to the next mini-game... And yet I just never get bored of it anyhew, whether I'm playing the series on the GBA, the Nintendo DS, or my Nintendo Gamecube at home...

It was simply genius for Nintendo to find a way, to make the most simplistic and innocent of mini-games into a competitive format, that I just can't help but pick up and play over and over again every once in a while. It just never gets boring to jump over skipping ropes in one mini-game, and then blasting the hell out of the Mother Brain from Metroid in the next...

There are over 100 mini-games in Wario Ware Inc for the GC, I think. And while not every one of them is great, there really is something for everyone... I always get a kick out of playing the old Nintendo classics, as the little Excitebike, Balloon Fight and Duck Hunt throwbacks still get me weak at the nostalgic knees. Meanwhile, one of my cousins can't get enough of the IQ questions, of having to scan the screen as quickly as possible for clues... While my other cousin loves the action ones, blowing up airplanes or fighting off ninjas, old skool PC Kung Fu style or some shit like that...

Now, obviously there are limits to the mini-game variety. Even 100 mini-games go by so quickly, when you're pulling off one every five seconds or whatnot... And where Wario Ware for the GC struggles, is definitely in its single player modes...

Now, the formula for Wario Ware works perfectly on the road. Whether you have 5 minutes or even 5 seconds of free time while traveling, you can just take your portable Wario Ware out, play a couple of mini-games or more, and put the system back into sleep mode until the next time you can continue up the gaming ladder... The formula never gets boring that way. It's always a game that you just feel comfortable picking up and just playing, no matter where you go, simply because you've got nothing better to do...

On the GC though, at home where you have half an hour or more of playing time each day, even on the busiest of working days? Then yeah, the formula does get a bit old, as it only takes a couple of hours to run through all the mini-games in a row on the GC. Plus, with the internet around, there are better things to do... Sure, there are a huge variety of mini-games in Wario Ware, granted. And I doubt I've even seen though all, despite the fact I've beaten the game twice... But there's no denying that even with all the extra modes you can unlock, the single player mode on the GC pad just doesn't work nearly as addictively as it does on the GBA...

Now, I'll admit that I don't like the fact that I had to unlock certain multiplayer modes to play... and I still don't like the fact, that I still have more multiplayer modes to unlock. That just seems unfair to me, considering I paid for a damn party game, even if all you have to really do to unlock more modes, is to play the ones you already have a few times...

But still, for now all I really do with my cousins whenever I bring this game over, is play the default Survival Fever mode... It's just a simple multiplayer game, where you want to be the last man standing out of all the losers when it comes to winning more and more random mini-games...

This is a true party game here, people. And not one bogged down by the slow board games of the Mario Party series, or the somewhat complicated controls of party games on other systems...

It didn't matter who picked up Wario Ware out of all my relatives. Whenever they picked it up, controls (except for maybe the D-pad) were just instinctively and immediately intuitive, even if my relatives had never picked up a GC controller before in their lives... All that mattered, was their attention span and response time. All you have to do in multiplayer, is follow the instructions on screen, and do it in the quickest of times...

And it's just a blast to play with friends and family in this kind of game. It gets so frantic near the end of Survival Fever, that you just can't help but toss your controller in both frustration and fun when it's all said and done...

Hell, Wario Ware even won over my brother, the guy who refuses to play anything but sports games anymore... And why?

Well, for one thing, he thinks it's an amazing drinking game... but I won't go there...

And second? Because the basic gameplay is all the same... Just like sports games, Wario Ware is instantaneously pick up and play.

... well at least, I would... considering the true purpose of a game, is always just to provide some goddam entertainment and fun...

A lot of companies, a lot of gamers, and a lot of games these days seem to forget all about that...

Sure, Wario Ware will never be considered an AA classic, in terms of the scores or recommendations I can give...

I mean, the graphics on the GC are actually worse than they are on the GBA, the music is annoying, the sound effects are nearly 8-bit in quality even at best... and the linear elevator style of the mini-games is anything but thought provoking...

Stargate Atlantis had probably what was the most entertaining episode of the week...

... and we all know by know just how much I could care less for individual Battlestar Galactica episodes...

But BSG gets the rare nod for IvanFian episode of the week, simply for one reason and one reason only...

Unlike the Stargate episodes on Friday? Battlestar Galactica, like always, makes me want to watch more and more...

That is the very definition of a space opera for you. A show that's completely built on continuity, and drives you to tune in and find out what happens next week with all the crazy shit and goddam melodramatic and sexcapades...

Resistance wasn't the greatest of single episodes. Hell, I'd say that pretty much the entire first half of the episode was a waste, and that the Caprican crap ruined what little greatness could be found in the latter half as well...

But the episode pulled me in nonetheless, and left me demanding to know what happens next... like so many BSG episodes have done in the past beforehand... regardless of whether I wanted to be suckered in or not...

... heh... sorry... just had to get that one off my chest, being a Trekkie and all...

The first half of Resistance was pretty slow, except for the Crapican shit... the problem was, does anyone really give a frack about what happens on Caprica anymore?

I feel sorry for Starbuck there. I really do... Going from the Battlestar to Caprica, has done to her acting career what Catwoman did to Halle Berry, and what Stealth might do to Jamie Foxx... I just don't give a damn about what happens to Kara Thrace anymore.

I mean seriously, could the sexcapades be anymore transparent? Not only were we stuck with Super Starbuck again, who could somehow play professional pyramid basketball as well as she can pilot, snipe, and interrogate... But we got forced into watching her play the action hero yet again with tiny little SMGs (Halo 2 dual wielding, might I add), and forced into watching her foreplay with the first fucking generic Lee clone she can find on the planet... Anders just seemed like such a fucking prop there, looking about the same build and the same character depth as a fucking Resident Evil personality...

And Helo? Hello to Helo, because all he really did was point a few guns, spout a few lines, and let the blonde on the team do all the talking... I might as well just call him whitewashed "Teal'c" then... indeed...

I'm hoping the Crapican shit ends soon. I mean, I suppose the firefight wasn't as bad as I'm making it out to be... but it just feels all so drawn out, with no real focus or drive or plan of action whatsoever... It provides the complete opposite of what I've come to expect from Battlestar Galactica. In which I really could care less what happens back on the planet the next episode around...

I didn't care much for the jail break plotline. I really didn't... I was thankful that the writers kept religion out of yet another episode. But the whole stupidity of the plot in Resistance was just something I couldn't help but get over...

Some out there on the net definitely agree that Saul Tigh is out of his freakin' mind. And if the people of the 12 planets were simply at war with the Cylons, I'd agree...

But there are only 47K survivors of a fucking nuclear holocaust. And yet the people on all the civilian ships still have the nerve to rebel against the one damn military ship left in existence, that has saved them from oblivion time and time again? Talk about fucking ungrateful...

Tigh has definitely made mistakes in command. But from a survivalist point of view, they weren't nearly as half bad as the show is definitely trying to make them out to be...

So what if he declared martial law? The timing of it was horrible, but it really wasn't his call in the end. Adama set that path back in season one. And the president had it coming after she broke her agreement of no military interference, and conned Starbuck back to Caprica... So what if he let the press see Roslin? Without knowing about her medication and the prophecies, it actually would've been smart to let the crowds see how fanatical and out of her mind the president really was. And hell, I still think she's out of her frakkin' mind...

And it wasn't that bad of a decision in Resistance to send troops to gather supplies from the civilian ships. It was dumbass to bring trigger happy marines with fucking assault rifles (no crowd control weapons left on the ship, I take it?). But it's not like sitting down and fucking talking about his feelings would've worked with those civilian sons of bitches anyways...

For every decision he made, Saul forgot about one detail - that the survivors in the civilian fleet are some of the stupidest, goddam, sorry sons of bitches that any human has ever witnessed... Tigh made decent military decisions, and I wish his crew could see that. But politics are definitely not his forte, as essentially the show is making him seem like he's dictating to fucking America, instead of just 47K desperate survivors...

So yeah, I think Roslin's choice to break out of jail was a dumb one. Especially since she should've known Adama would wake up soon to take back command... Why the fuck did she leave? Billy was right in wanting to stay (even though we all know the actor was going to leave the show, so they kept him on the Galactica to potentially kill him off if the actor decided to depart... nice...), in which a) he gets the frak Dualla up in a bunkbed, and b) splintering the fleet would lead to a fucking insurgency. And what the fuck is the point of an insurgency, when there are only 47K fucking survivors left of humanity?... The sheer stupidity of the president continues to astound me even to this day...

Now, I completely don't get why Lee Adama is such a frakkin' idiot all of the time. Has he ever thought once about the consequences of his actions?... He turns against his own father in Kobol's Last Gleaming, which did absolutely nothing in the end (as he pointed out a couple episodes ago). And now he does it again, fully knowing that it could potentially lead to civil war, and a civilian fleet without a protector? WTF?... Now, normally I would've found the Hand of God Celtic music during his farewell speech to his father, to be rather nostalgic and haunting. But doesn't Lee ever get a frakkin' clue?... The scene just felt so stupid, as he was now stabbing his father in the back, after the guy had already been shot twice in the gut. How fucking stupid can he be?...

I don't blame Dualla for helping the president out though. Although she is getting more suspicious by the moment, it seems... For one thing, she was staring at Lee's ass this episode. Afterall, if Starbuck can fucking flirt with Anders, then why can't Dualla start cheating on ol' Billy (if he was getting killed off, I mean...)?... And second, Dualla has certainly been stirring the pot when it comes to Tigh lately. Sure, that can simply be from the fact that she's a girl of principle, and Tigh was really fucking things up. But there's just something off about her this season, that makes you wonder if the name of "Dual-la" has some sort of greater meaning to it...

And as for Lt. "Gae-ta"?... well... I think we all have found the greater meaning in that name, me thinks... considering he keeps smirking and smiling at Baltar, it seems...

Honestly, he was like fucking Ben Mulroney this episode, all smarmy and squirmy when it came to his lurking about. He reminded me of me, the no-name stalker, really... Did he do the right thing with Dualla in the end, saving her ass when to came to Saul's questions? I don't know... But either way, he's still the 'obvious' choice for being the next of the Cylons aboard the ship...

... though some on the internet are starting to favour little miss Cally over there...

Because you see, this is why I enjoyed Battlestar Galactica as a whole during its first season... and despite all my misforgivings about the second season? I'm still enjoying it as a whole again...

Because just like soap operas make you question who's going to fuck who next, Battlestar Galactica does one better... and keeps enrapturing the mind with paranoid delusional questions like, who the fuck will be the next fucking Cylon?...

By now, it's no real secret that fucking Ron Moore designed the name of "toaster" to sound a hell of a lot like the word "terrorist"... but the thing is, with evil Cally showing up in this episode out of fucking nowhere, the toaster sweepstakes for the second season have just gotten their stakes anted up quite a bit...

Why the hell was the tiny little bitch so frantic in Resistance? We've seen hints for a long time that she's had a thing for the Chief, even when she was protecting his relationship with Boomer. But would Cally really take up a gun and just shoot Boomer for no apparent reason whatsoever, even after Dr. Baltar had cleared Tyrol's name?... It really made no logical sense whatsoever. And it was just weird, seeing Cally push aside stronger, larger men, simply because she felt that the world was fucking over her precious Chief Tyrol... It's easy to construe that the poor gal actually killed Boomer to shut her up before she said anything else about the Cylons' plans. It's possible that Cally was working under Cylon orders, and simply used her jealousy as a valid human excuse. Who knows, right?...

Either way, BSG is doing it's job that way. I would like to know what her real reason was. And the only way to find out is, to fucking sadly tune into the next shit episode next week...

I never cared about her relationship with Chief Tyrol. And I definitely couldn't care less about that blood dripping shit stuff that the director was trying to show off in Resistance, as it looked like it belonged in some bad artsy film more than a serious space opera, or some shit like that...

But what the two characters had in Resistance definitely was "real". As maybe it was just the music, but I felt bad for the poor Chief as he held the dying Cylon in his arms in the end... Before that, I was surprised at just how strong every moment with the two characters had been. Tyrol did a great job at looking like an innocent man, while being interrogating by Tigh hopped up on booze. And you almost felt bad for poor Sharon, as the love of her life threatened to kill her in the cell if she even came close to him... It kinda makes you wonder if Chief will ever admit that Sharon even kinda 'told' him she was a Cylon, long before anyone else ever knew about her. As yes, if I was Tigh, then assuming the Chief was a Cylon (since he covered for her so fucking much) wasn't such a dumb move in the end...

It sucks that Galactica Boomer was killed off of the show, as she will forever be one of the most interesting characters to ever grace the BSG small screen. Of course, Galactica Boomer will be back in another body sometime, but still... I think the actress really proved her stuff when it came to Dr. Baltar though, as the scene where she proved her love by randomly spouting the number "eight" out of her ass, was one of those few key moments that really did make Resistance to be the best episode of the week...

And Dr. Baltar was finally up to his old beguiling ways. I mean, was it just me, or did he suddenly become just a hell of a lot better once he got his suit and glasses back?... I loved his dual natured speech when it came to answering Cally and Number Six at the same time. And I loved how he wormed his way out of giving a wrong result for Sharon's test, as Tigh was barely even paying enough attention to notice when he was being fucking lied too... gotta love those booze...

And when it came to the interrogation of Sharon in the cell? It was weird really, since Baltar was both a wuss and a badass in that scene, and I loved it... He showed no real empathy for the human soul, by almost killing Tyrol then and there. I loved how he cared so little for Boomer as well, as she was covered in blood and tears over her lover's failing organs... And in the end, Baltar really did kick ass, as he both got a McCarthy-ed up number (is "8" a real number, or just one that Sharon made up?), and what he considered proof that a toaster can really love a human being... He was the man again in Resistance. And it was just great having him and Sharon there back again...

... of course, we all know the real reason why Resistance gets the nod as the best episode of the week...

The series just hasn't been the same, with the actor racking in the cash by just laying flat on his back with tubes shoved up his ass...

Edward James Olmos was only in a single real scene in Resistance. But damn, was his presence commanding on the Battlestar, even with just a few precious moments to shine...

... because I don't think I was alone in this, when deep down inside, I actually sighed a breath of relief when I first saw Adama standing there in Tigh's doorway...

I wasn't just relieved because Tigh was finally getting kicked out of command... I was relieved, because Commander Adama is the one character that truly makes Battlestar Galactica into a show worth watching. And deep down inside, I was subconsciously so frakkin' happy to see him back, that I could actually feel the sense of deathly relief deep down in my goddam gut...

I loved that scene he had with Tigh. It made the whole fucking show... You felt really bad for the guy. He was so supportive of his first officer, no matter how he frakked up his ship. And Adama make a lot of good points of why he was so supportive along the way (Tigh is inexperienced at command, and had no-one to turn to for support afterall)...

No matter what Lee did to him last season, all he still asked for was his son. And, umm... then Tigh sort of just froze there...

I mean, what can he really say? That he almost blew his son out of space and the skies?...

... now that's exactly why the series as a whole, gets this IvanFian frakkin' episode of the week...

... I mean, even if Resistance wasn't really the most entertaining episode of the week?...

... well... you'll still get no argument, and you'll still get no resistance from me...

Y2kk Update: - Stargate SG-1: The Ties That Bind and Stargate Atlantis: Duet Reviews (Spoilers...) -

The Tighs That Bind would've been a much more fitting name for this Sci-Fi Friday... but that's a story for another day...

SG-1 has been on a roll for the past three weeks... so it was only inevitable that the average filler episode would eventually seep through...

The Ties That Bind probably looked pretty decent on paper. But it was perhaps a bit too indecent in actual malpractice, to be of any real consequence to the series...

Last week, I mentioned that Vala sort of seemed like she belonged on the SG-1 crew, and that Claudia Black was nicely filling into her niche role on a Stargate series. But that was last week, and this is now... She annoyed me in this episode, not just with her comedy, but with how 'human' and familiar with our things she seems. She's an alien, and yet she somehow knows everything we do about ascended beings and the Atlantis base? WTF?...

But most importantly, all the character development that Vala earned from being burned at the stake seemed to disappear entirely in The Ties That Bind. Sure, we got some decent comedy moments from her, like winking at an old, ugly, female Air Force officer. But for the most part, her presence was just short of whining and grating on the nerves...

Part of it was obviously from the fact that the show just didn't feel like Stargate this week... Maybe it was the Farscape Pulse Pistol that Vala was sporting in the Jaffa bazaar? Or maybe it was because there was a Jaffa bazaar in the first place?... Maybe it was because everyone was dressed like they were trying out for a bad Firefly episode or something, I don't know. All I do know, is that everything in the bizaar just felt bizarre... And everything that took place anywhere else, whether it be in monasteries or in space or sexcapades with Toy Story's T-Rex, just didn't feel like Stargate to me...

Lots of the comedy fell flat on its face in Ties That Bind. The smuggler for a monk, for instance, just didn't have the contrasting delivery in his lines needed for me to ever thank Granis for his presence there... And the return of the Prometheus Unbound aliens? I was disappointed they didn't mention the name of "Hans Olo" this time around. And they were pretty much idiots, considering they just did the usual Austin Powers thing and left Vala in a room alone with just her iddy biddy handcuffs... The space scene didn't do much for me either. The Lucian Alliance was just mentioned as a footnote, and never felt like a real villain. And if I was the SG-1 team, I would've much rather kept that EMP-shockwave Cargo Ship than ever bothering with getting back the power coil and the goddam necklace...

... although the ending, of the bind between them just wearing out, just sort of did give a sense of justice to the world...

Cameron Mitchell was sort of just there, in the background. He didn't really have any real scenes of his own, save for pointing a zat or two at a Jaffa... He did certainly behave strangely when he came out of that elevator with Dr. Lam. Now, at first, I just thought that was bad acting on everyone's behalf, considering Rommie just seemed to hang out there on her sentences... Then I noticed the second watch around, that Mitchell was oddly buttoning his shirt up after coming out of the elevator with her. And General Landry definitely noticed this too, as he just sort of kept watching his eye on him the whole time he was talking to Lam...

By the way, did I ever mention General Landry sucks? I hate his voice, I hate his acting, and I hate the fact that he's in charge... okay...

I would've much preferred Dr. Lam in charge instead, as she looked so damn fine with her hair the way it was, when Daniel was waking up from his coma...

As for Daniel, this was his episode. But just like with Prometheus Unbound, he just couldn't keep the comedy going for 40 minutes straight... He had a few good scenes, like seeing him up close and personal with his glasses when Vala was admitting who they could turn to help for. Or the look on his face, when Vala so lovely crushed his glasses like he does so often with her heart... Now, some have concluded that Daniel must be a homosexual for not going at Vala when she was in his fucking guest bed. But the thing is, even I for some odd reason didn't find her hot there, as pink just doesn't seem to go with her sort of personality and complexion. Weird... Still, though I did love the banter between the two of them for the most part, it definitely did get old at times. Which certainly made the hour long show feel a lot longer than it should've at times...

Teal'c was just there. He had a couple of lines, pointed a few guns, and wore a suit for once. That was about it... indeed...

Oddly enough, I enjoyed the B-plotline of the episode far more than the comedic one, as Landry's shitty ass story at least did move the SG-1 season arc along... And surprisingly, the Washington scene probably turned out to be my favourite in the episode. Teal'c actually got something substantial to say (sort of), Daniel got to get shot down by his own testimony, and Vala managed to make me at least snicker by throwing us men's own penis envy right back into our faces...

Now, I know the audience was meant to side with SG-1, but I couldn't help but see the Senator's point of view. Because as long as the Asgard keep supplying us with shields and intergalactic hyperdrives, then why the hell shouldn't we take advantage of the benefits?... The Stargate is essentially for gathering military intelligence and knowledge. But aside from the miracle-workers on SG-1, it can't stop an actual alien invasion from space or anything. So why not take advantage of the lulls in wartime, to build up as many warships as possible before the next enemy comes along?... Or course, the Ori are the next enemy, and we do need the Stargate to combat them. But I'd feel a lot more reassured if we had both SG-1 on the planet and a couple dozen Daedalus Battlecruisers in orbit, don't you know...

The Pentagon feels that resources should be diverted away from SG-1 and over to the Atlantis mission. I tend to agree...

... and apparently, so do the writers as well, if the continuing string of excellent Stargate Atlantis episodes keeps going the way it has...

Well, to be honest, Stargate Atlantis' Duet wasn't the greatest of episodes. Very few filler episodes ever are... which explains why, for the first time in a goddam blue moon, neither Stargate show will take home the IvanFian episode of the week award. Not that anyone really cares about that, mind you...

Duet on paper was just another transporter-accident sort of episode, the kind of which I've seen on Star Trek series for years and years. Hell, I was sick of the formula by DS9, let alone by the umpteenth time that Voyager pulled the cliche out of their ass... And hell, even Stargate SG-1 has done its fair share of multiple consciousnesses in a single brain sort of thing. Hell, doesn't Daniel Jackson have a quota or something, that he goes crazy from an imaginary voice in his head at least once a season?... which is why I was so surprised that Beckett never did an EEG test along with the MRI, to kind of check for a secondary consciousness in Rodney's mind or anything, like Carter would routinely or some shit like that. Not to mention the fact that half of the time, I was wondering why the hell nobody thought about interfacing with the Atlantis transporters..

Nevertheless, I did definitely enjoy Duet for what it was worth. And it was definitely worth an hour of fun, as Dr. Rodney McKay was finally back to his usual self... David Hewlett is an amazing actor, as Atlantis has proved time and time again. The only issue, is where to draw the line with his McKayisms... Last week, he was overbearingly annoying with his ozone layer comments. But this week? He got back his genuine, sarcastic snark... which is what always made him the Dr. Rodney McKay we know and love...

There were some negatives to his performance in Duet though, but I can hardly consider them his fault. Take the Golem scene with Dr. Heightmeyer for instance, as the director really didn't need to keep pulling off quick camera cuts (considering how great Hewlett had been all episode long in differentiating the two personalities stuck in his head)... Sometimes Rodney was a bit too angry for his own good as well. I understand his frustration at having a hot girl stuck in his head (afterall, what use is a hot girl, if you can't at least sex up their body, right?... umm...). But his berating of Zelenka was a bit too much at times, all the way to the point where Rodney did become annoying as much as his calculations were coming out all wrong... though at least the two crazy scientists kissed and made up in the end...

For the most part, David Hewlett was just a one-man total show in Duet, and he definitely held his own far more than SG-1 could muster an hour earlier... Considering the actor only had an imaginary voice in his head to work with, it was amazing just how real he made every situation feel. Getting out of bed naked, he was so visibly embarrassed as hell that it astounded me. And the poor guy cracked me up big time, every single moment he yelled and screamed at the voice inside his head, berating him with stupid questions in front of others constantly...

Normally, I'd give the IvanFian award to McKay, just for being the absolute best at fixing things and berating people at the same damn time... But if there's any reason that the actor should get an Emmy for his performance in Duet, it was because of how he handled having a woman in his head. Most guy actors go way over the top with the mannerisms, but Rodney McKay was just dead-on perfect with all his poses and all his little flirts. I laughed so hard when he so seductively patted Dr. Beckett on the hand...

... and God, I feel for the man, as he held his head in shame after realizing what Lt. Cadman had done with his lips to Carson...

Dr. Beckett for once didn't feel tacked onto an episode. And ironically enough, this was the episode where he was literally was tacked onto a date... The three (or four?) way date scene was simply hilarious to watch. Sure, I seriously doubt that any woman (save for a horny botanist) would ever fall for the shit that Lt. Cadman claimed would work, but the dinner itself was spectacular... Watching Rodney chug away at the wine, with Cadman rooting him on? And just watching Beckett there, not knowing what the hell he was doing there? I don't know, but it just worked for me...

... and it also helped that all the women on Atlantis are fucking, sweet ass hot...

Dr. Heightmeyer was back. And while I still hate her pastel-like, Tara Reid face, I can't complain about the lovely outfits she wears... And Katie Brown the botanist wasn't so bad herself. She wasn't my sort of girl, but she definitely had a cute sort of look to her, with a button of a body that I definitely wouldn't have minded in the warm embrace of Lt. Cadman... if only that had been the actual actress there, kissing her instead...

And personally, I really think the Atlantis writers should bring Jaime Ray Newman back to the show. Having her inside Rodney's mind 95% of the time actually made me concentrate on her acting assets, and not just the usual assets I'd pay attention to... I thought she had great delivery on her lines, as everything just felt so natural and seamless up inside Rodney's head, as he was slapping himself silly with his own hand I mean. I mean, who the hell can't resist rock, scissors paper against their other arm?... The actress made some great jokes as well. The citrus one was obvious, but still made me snicker. And if you ask me? She probably did like what she saw in the mirror after sleeping in the fucking nude...

Now, I personally would love to get the actress back on the show, with her acting being the principle reason, of course...

The duet between the two actors consisted of great chemistry, with Dr. Beckett being the middle man, taking a fucking huge kiss to the man lips in the process... Even though some scenes were definitely more annoying than others, I definitely did enjoy the A-storyline of this filler episode far more than I thought I would...

Ironically enough, pretty much every Ronon moment was shown in the 10 second teaser trailer last week... There were a couple lines of his that I enjoyed though, I guess. Or not, considering he didn't do anything but scruff his hair and talk in Tyr talk, almost as if an Andromeda writer had slipped onto the base through the Daedalus or some shit like that... Ronon really had no character development in Duet. And his fight scenes in the episode weren't really great either, considering the three men he was facing didn't even fucking parry once. I honestly felt like I was watching that shitty ass Episode III Mace Windu vs Palpatine fight again, or some shit like that... But his character will grow with time, I'm sure...

... I just wish it wasn't with Teyla... I mean, all Teyla got to do this episode, was show off her legs and flexibility with the splits, and then go more into her fucking grating relationship with Ronon... He obviously already likes her enough to come to her room to apologize in person. And he obviously likes her enough, to take her down and strangle her by the neck to show her how much he cares... That's all Teyla and Ronon really got to achieve this episode. Looking like generic warriors, there on the show for sex appeal... At least Teal'c got some real Jaffa storylines to cover his ass. And at least Ford had a bit of comedy whenever McKay was around... But so far, I've seen nothing of value from these two characters. Save for some wicked ass stick fights, of course...

The saving grace of the Ronon storyline this episode, was of course John Sheppard. The expression on his face when he saw why Ronon liked his own personal revolver, was simply priceless... The fork and knife scene did nothing for me. But Sheppard still managed to lighten up the barbaric mood, by juxtaposing his wry friendliness with just how much of a conversationalist Ronon turned out to be...

It's the little things in Atlantis that make the show as special as it is. And it's the minor character moments that really let the show shine... Sheppard apologizing to McKay for firing at the Dart he was trapped in, was the kind of small thing that a lot of writers always forget to put into their scripts. And yet it was also one of those moments, that just feels natural and clicks character wise... Both actors handled that scene perfectly, as they really did seem like trusted friends...

Dr. Weir was basically in the background, letting the guest starring hotties on the show take over for the day. Then again, Elizabeth definitely held her own with that tried and true T-shirt of hers... If she made any real contribution to Duet though, it was these two things. First, she referred to John as "Major Sheppard" while talking to Ronon, and I didn't even notice that until the second goddam viewing... And second? She really did seem to have chemistry with the Lt. Col. The two of them talking over allowing Ronon to join the team, reminded me of a cute couple flirting over what to have for supper or something. The playfulness between the two definitely gives some reason for Dr. Weir to stick around...

... though this time around, he did have a real hot ass girl as his own Tigh that binds...

Still, the actor and character alone made Duet into what was probably the most enjoyable episode on Sci-Fi Friday.

Sure, it wasn't a great episode... but it was definitely one of the most entertaining filler episodes I've seen in quite a while.

... and it was also one of the greatest single acting performances you'll probably ever see...

It's been almost a week since I saw Stealth in theatres... making this review one of my most belated movie reviews I've done in a long time...

... short story short, the movie was alright, for the most part... but I was still so bitterly disappointed in the end...

And instead, what I got instead?... was simply a film that absolutely made no logical sense whatsoever...

And okay, for those who haven't seen the movie yet, let me spoil the whole thing for you.

I mean seriously, a fighter jet that plays rock music for no apparent reason whatsoever? WTF?...

Hell, even the name of the movie doesn't make sense, as the Talon fighter pilots in Stealth were anything but stealthy as they were blowing random sum' bitches up...

To be honest, after watching the Air Force done mostly right throughout 8+ seasons of Stargate SG-1, Stealth was pretty embarrassing for the most part... All the radio chatter felt infantile and amateurish in the film, as if the actors had absolutely no idea what they were talking about. Or even how to deliver their lines...

I was at least hoping for some Terminator 2.5 action or something, as that is pretty much what I expected from Stealth... Instead, all we got was a bunch of bad quantum computing technobabble, some jackass plane jacking every MP3 from the net, and the T2 scientist guy not even fucking dying in the end... I mean, WTF? Wasn't he supposed to blow himself up to save the future or something? I want my motherfucking money back... I mean, it's like Bill Paxton surviving in a movie or something. It just ain't right...

All the characters were pretty damn awful in this film... I expected the illegal Air Force romance between Ben and Kara to go somewhere. And yet it was barely mentioned throughout the film, with just a half assed happy ending in the end at a fucking funeral, for Christ's sakes... I mean seriously, did these two characters have any point whatsoever? Kara was just there behind enemy lines the whole time, being too damn dumb to actually hide from North Koreans. And Ben (or should I call him generic male lead #1?) did nothing but chase around his new best friend in the sky, then blowing a whole bunch of shit up for who knows what reason, really...

And seriously, WTF was up with the plot? I mean, Edi, an intelligent plane... that turns evil when it's struck by lightning? WTF?...

And then the fucking most moronic part of the movie was... why the fuck did Edi turn good again?...

It turned out that the plane was simply attaining sentience... and it apparently thought that the best way to go about things after it was born, was to blow up every single living shit thing it found in its global databases... umm, nice logic there...

And then it gets Jamie Foxx killed. For really no apparent reason whatsoever, besides the god-awful influence of Incubus, I mean...

And then Edi decides to use his newfound feelings of guilt, to try to blow Ben out of the fucking sky with some ridiculous fuel explosion in the atmosphere? WTF?...

And then WTF happens? The plane and Ben become best buddies or some shit like that?...

The real problem with Stealth, was that it had no true villain... I mean, after Edi turned out to be an alright guy or something, I expected some sort of sad conspiracy theory to formulize or something... but apparently, the writers weren't good enough to actually think of one...

The admiral guy, whatever his name was, just turned out to be a wuss in the end. He wanted the plane to succeed, and it didn't... and then to avoid court martial, he tried to kill every single witness and then off himself on the fucking john?... umm... okay...

The business guy, whatever his name was, was just there for the sake of being there. Obviously, every evil plane needs an evil businessman behind the desk... but, umm... the evil businessman didn't do anything but go to the fucking washroom as his admiral suicided himself... umm... okay...

And I expected Keith Orbit to have had some sort of hand in making Edi sentient or something. Because the stupidest thing would've been, for him to never test the fucking plane against possible lightning strikes before he fucking loaded it with tons of weapons... But apparently, he really was just that damn dumb. In fact, he wasn't even evil at all, as it took just one fucking line of guilt from Edi for Orbit to suddenly become the good guy driving away in a fucking Pontiac G6... WTF?...

With no true villain, and no true hero to give a real damn about... somebody please tell me why Stealth should still deserve the best movie of the year award, please?...

But of course, just like with every other brainless action movie out there, Stealth ain't so bad if you shut off your brain while watching...

Jessica Biel was definitely hot in this movie. Her face is just simply adorable, and she suited the pilot role thanks to all the muscles she still had left from her time doing Blade Trinity... Now, it absolutely made no fucking sense why she and Ben would get shore leave in Thailand after just motherfucking nuking a terrorist building in clear broad public view. But this was one decision that I for one won't argue with, as that bikini scene by the waterfall was probably the goddam highlight of the entire film... Every movie should have one, and every man should have her...

Action wise, I guess Stealth can hold its own from time to time... The CG was impeccable, as not once did I ever think the Talon fighters didn't look real on screen. Then again, they did look plain and barren, even compared to fighter jets and cars done in video games these days, so... The thing is, some of the chase sequences up in the air weren't bad. Jamie Foxx was a complete moron for trying to use a missile at close range against Edi in the cliffs, but at least the actor definitely held his own in holding that scene up to T2 quality Oscar standards...

Now, Stealth wasn't a complete mistake of biblical proportions on Jamie Foxx's career, like Catwoman was to Halle Berry. Still, it's quite a shame that the actor got caught up in this film, after pulling off Collateral and Ray last year... Nevertheless, Jamie Foxx saved himself mercilessly by being wiped from the film before Edi and Ben started having friendly vodka in fucking Russia together as chums. And for the first half of the movie, Foxx wasn't bad at all... He had some good flirting lines with Jessica Biel and that fugly Thai woman. And he provided the only real character development of the film, when he talked with Ben over the whole Kara thing at dinner...

Now, Stealth definitely was so damn stupid at times, that it simply wasn't funny. But I definitely did enjoy myself for the ride, a couple times at least or something... Because was it just me, or did Stealth feel like a weird mix of Terminator and Team America? Or T&A, if you take out the "I" from Team, I mean... Everything in Stealth just felt like a weird mix of technobabble fused with random terrorist slayings, as pretty much every Axis of Evil group of people were annihilated in this film. From Russians, to Middle Easterns, to especially everyone's favourite "ronery" North Koreans, every American enemy got their asses kicked by the Terminator sometime up in the skies...

And oh yes, we got plenty of fucking explosions in the film. I like explosions...

... as there was absolutely no stealth when it came to hiding that kind of shit...

As yes, this film was just plain ridiculous in the end, with absolutely no story or character development or any sort of artificial intelligence whatsoever... It was like the film was directed by a UCAV or something. Or fucking Incubus, for that matter...

I can't even say the movie was fun. As I had to shut off my brain so far gone to the point, that even the parts of my mind that get excited from explosions and fucking ice cream trucks, went dark from the complete blackout...

So unfortunately, Stealth wasn't the greatest story ever told like I was expecting it to become from all the trailers...

... but heh... the only thing I fear now, is watching this movie a second time around...

... and watching my IQ points drop for every single iota of a second that I do...

Y2kk Update: - Stargate SG-1: Origin, Stargate Atlantis: Runner, & Battlestar Galactica: Fragged Reviews (Spoilers...) -

... three good sci-fi episodes in a row. And three positive reviews in a single night from the no-name whiner...

Truth be told, every single episode aired on Friday was at least decent. Making the choice of the IvanFian episode of the week into perhaps the hardest no-name choice for me to make in the past several years...

In the end though, the nod just has to go to Origin... Even if perhaps Origin lacked the action of Atlantis' Runner, or the ramifications we got in BSG's Fragged, there's simply no denying that Origin capped off an overall brilliant three-parter arc to open up the ninth season of Stargate SG-1... If Origin doesn't quite deserve the episode of the week award, then the ninth season of SG-1 as a whole so far definitely has...

Before I forget yet again to note this shit, let me get off my chest that SG-1 really does seem fresh and new this season... Part of it is because of the craft and care made to the sets, as the worlds of the Ori have some of the best damn designs I've seen from SG-1 in years. Not only was the City of the Gods rivaling the majesty of Atlantis on the outside, but I just loved the absolute craftsmanship and vision the set designers put on the inside...

And perhaps the absolute strongest suit of the three parter opener for the season, has been the Medieval-like choir music. Whether Vala was being burnt at the flames, or Daniel was joining in on the fiery brimstone fun as well, I was amazed at just how epic the whole soundtrack to the ninth season has been so far...

And yes, contrary to what I believed after hearing of them the first time, I really do revere the Ori as a formidable opponent now... A lot on the internet have complained that Origin made fun of Christians too much. And to a small extent, I do agree, as all the mocking of "grandma's" felt like a short jab to Jeb Bush's side or something... But on the whole, the Ori do not represent the Christian Church. Nor does the show represent an anti-religion stance, no matter how many on the internet now seem to think so... If anything, the Ori are demons from hell, while the Ancients might as well be considered our guardian angels. Both sides are unable to affect our free will, but one side obviously has a better opinion of "enlightenment" than the other... and obviously, the SG-1 writers favour one side over the other...

And I for one love the introduction of the Ori. Not just because the Priors truly are creepy, in the sense of their religious fanaticism (and apparently, suicidal spontaneous combustion as well). Not just because the Doci guy reminds me of Charlton Heston, giving a NRA speech about his religious love of guns or something. But rather because the Priors and the Doci and the Ori have truly brought the SG-1 series back to its roots... True Stargate in its first three seasons, was always meant to explore the meaning of religion and its affect on not just ancient societies, but earth's as well. The Goa'uld represented Egyptian and Medieval-Lord feudalism for the most part, and now we have the Ori probably coming the closest to the Spanish Inquisition so far...

Sure, some detested the mention of the word "crusade" on the show, as if SG-1 had become about terrorists taking over earth as a jihad or something... But I for one am welcoming the change of pace, from the sci-fi show that SG-1 had become since season 3 and 4... back to its mythological roots, which suckered me into nine seasons of the show in the first place...

Origin really did feel like a new series premiere for the show, as there was just something so peculiar about that ending to me with Richard Dean Anderson... Part of it was obviously the body doubles and blue screen, as it was obvious that RDA and Michael Shanks weren't really acting to each other in the same room (and the scene suffered from it as a result)... But still, I just found those final moments uplifting somehow. When Jack O'Neill was talking about always winning and saving the world, while Daniel was back on his old skool diatribe about being scared and all? The banter and contrast between the two may not be season one calibre anymore, but it was still back... and it was great that RDA returned just once more, to pass the torch to Ben Browder in the F-302...

I actually like Colonel Mitchell this episode for the most part. Sure, his grandma jokes got old real fast (no pun intended... if that was a pun, at least...). But for the most part, he was just a concerned member of the SG-1 crew in the background, which is all I really wanted from the actor... Unlike all the season veterans on the show, Ben Browder looks like he actually cares about the situations he's in. He looked like he cared when Daniel and Vala were burning up in their comas. And he looked frantic as hell as he was carrying that communications device to the Stargate... He looked like he loved being back in a F-302. And yes, he sure as hell did enjoy mocking that Prior on the planet to death...

Mitchell didn't have many classic lines or heroic moments in Origin, save for the nice save with the Stargate whoosh and all. But no great epic moment was needed for his character, because he was still the one newbie member of the cast, and the only one who really looked like he gave a damn... well, besides Daniel, at least...

I guess I could say the same for Vala too, except her character really doesn't give room to be the caring type of gal... Still, for some odd reason, pigtails and a civilian uniform look really good on the actress. And for some odd reason, I really did like her performance in Origin... Sure, she was mostly subdued, as none of her comments made me laugh out loud. But really, after being burned at the stake, her comedy was pretty much the kind of comedy I expected... All of her jokes weren't laugh out loud shit, but rather subtle comic relief. And it worked if you ask me, as I snickered as she stole an apple from the Ori, or claimed to see the light before being burned alive again at the stake...

I should also note that I was definitely thrown off guard by how much she seemed to care about our galaxy in this episode. Why was she an integral member of that briefing room scene at the end anyhew?... But even more surprising, I didn't mind her presence there. Almost as if she deserved to steal Carter's seat, since she was stealing her lines in that scene anyhew... It was weird hearing Vala care about others. But after being burnt at the stake, it sort of felt real, you know? Like she had actually seen the light or something... after she was lit up, of course...

Teal'c had nothing to do, except grow his hair out even longer and uglier than it was before. He helped introduce Gerak though, who we now know will be an idiot of a leader in the near Jaffa future... Did Teal'c really contribute anything this episode? Hell, Mitchell's comment about Teal'c keeping tabs on the saving-the-world count, was far more memorable than any line that Christopher Judge actually had... Still, just the single raised, marquee eyebrow he gave, when Gerak looked like he was sucking up the Prior? That was definitely a true Teal'c moment... though I definitely hope that through the ninth season, we get a hell of a lot more...

It seems the true star of the new Stargate SG-1 is indeed Daniel, as it was him and Jack O'Neill that started the series in the first place... I personally loved how interested Michael Shanks was in his work. Just the little things he did, like his sudden impulsive outburst while mentioning the Ori finding out about our existence being his fault, made the character feel a lot more invigorated than he ever has in years (next to Threads, at least...)... There were just so many classic Daniel moments in Origin. From freaking out from Mr. Doci of Borg, to whining again about the Daedalus to Jack O'Neill?... to getting his ass kicked and name taken by the Dark Jedi Prior? And to even furiously grabbing the arm of Dr. Lam, as if he was pissed at his wife for some shit she's done in the past?... Origin was definitely some of Michael Shanks best work over the years, along with Threads, Homecoming, Abyss, and dating back all the way to The Crystal Skull...

Some on the net have complained that Daniel sort of regressed. That his curiousity got the best of him, and prattled on too much to the Doci about his own beliefs, as if he didn't remember where all that shit got him with the Goa'uld and the Ascended over the years gone by... The thing is, sure Daniel wasn't his smart and super-hero self in Origin. But he was back to being the naive, intrigued, and overly optimistic voyageur he was in earlier years, the kind of character that I adored in season two... Regression or not, I am the no-name whiner. And I personally am hoping that this old skool Daniel sticks around for a very long time...

Origin was just a completely solid episode, in the same kind of vein that SG-1 had going for it in all its early years... Instead of entertaining us with technobabble and fancy sci-fi special effects, Origin simply told a simple story. A story of the differences in beliefs and morality... and the story of two people getting burned at the fire, really...

It introduced a truly menacing new enemy... if only because the Ori hit a little too close to home for comfort...

It wasn't just a great start to what will hopefully be a fresh and invigorating ninth season of the show...

... and it wasn't just a nostalgic throw-back to every single thing that made the series standout in the past...

Stargate Atlantis' Runner was, pardon the pun, a close 'runner-up' for the best episode of the week award...

While SG-1 returned to its roots of mythology, Stargate Atlantis shined once more as it returned to its roots of character development and interaction...

Runner consisted of a simple story, of simply a hostage-taking on one end of the field, and a friend in need on the other side with a P90... The episode has already been criticized for feeling like mid-season filler. And to some extent, I do agree... as there was just something lacking from the total package, as if I was watching some brainless Baywatch episode at times...

... although Ronon Dex, and maybe McKay's own personal sunscreen SPF 100, had more to do with that than anything else...

Now, I simply hate the fact that Lt. Ford has left the show, and not even for greener pastures. So obviously, I turned out to be a bit biased against Ronon Dex (Ford's replacement) in the end. Still, the actor turned out to be a bit better than I thought... Sure, I hated how the episode set Dex up to be too damn good, as he made Sheppard and Teyla look like fools with that throw-a-bag trick. But really, as long as the guy can keep giving us fist and Krauser knife-fights like the one he had with Ford at the end? Then I'll be willing to watch...

Now, I don't like how Ronon so far as been portrayed as a human Klingon or something, or even an Andromeda Tyr clone to go with the Rommie one on Stargate. And it bugs me to hell that the prop department was so cheap they actually used Genii weapons for Dex's flashbacks (unless his planet was part of the old Genii Confederation)... But yes, at least he did seem like he had some chemistry with Teyla. The ripping of the shirt was a bit too stupid for my tastes (I personally wish she ripped open Sora's shirt instead... where the hell did they put that bitch anyhew?...). But the two did sort of connect in an eye-staring sort of soap opera way... the kind of which I'd prefer to stay on Baywatch actually. But at least Teyla finally feels like she has somewhere or someone to belong with, as she always did feel like an outsider amongst the group...

I always kinda wished that Teyla ended up with Aiden in the end, even if the two actors had no chemistry. And perhaps they still can, considering she's a Wraith, and Ford is completely nuts now... And to be honest? I really hope the writers know what they have here, because Rainbow Sun Francks is just awesome as the kid gone wild on Wraith sugar... He acts like a Muchmusic host hopped up on E actually, like we've all seen before. In a good way, I mean...

His schizophrenic performance is really great to watch here, as one moment, he's just the friendly Ford we've always known. And yet it just feels so eerie and awkward, to see the guy giving friendly jabs at McKay of wanting to catch up on things, or congratulating Sheppard on his promotion or whatnot... One moment, he looks sorry as hell for shooting P90 rounds right at McKay's head. And the next, he's willing to kill the unarmed, upside-down man hanging in a tree, without any real hesitation to blow one of his best friends right in the head... I personally think Rainbow put in a stellar performance as the n00b fighting back against his fraternity initiation. I loved the way he acted as he told McKay off for all the jokes he made in the past, and how all his friends abandoned him... The guy really is messed up, considering how perfect of a little soldier he used to be. Yet if you look around the real world around us, you can argue that he ain't really far gone... relatively speaking for a Muchmusic VJ, I mean...

Runner definitely took the ball from Atlantis and ran with it... but of course, there are reasons why it didn't quite get the IvanFian episode of the week...

McKay is always a brilliant sort of character to have around. But the difference between being annoying, and being McKay, is a fine line that not every writer can get the hang of... Because I'm sorry, but McKay has regressed a bit too much for his own good this season. All his nauseating talk about ozone radiation, and his thing for the Hazmat suit all episode long, really did grate on the nerves after a bit. McKay may be a wuss, but I think episodes like The Defiant One should've proved by now that he ain't that much of a wuss...

Still, whenever it comes to writing McKay as a loser who cares about his friends? The writers do normally come through. And they did again in Runner... As soon as McKay stepped in the point blank sights of Lt. Ford, Rodney re-became the lovable, wacky scientist that we've all grown to love... He cared about Ford, trying to calmly talk him down into coming back to the Puddle Jumper with him. Yet as always, McKay loses all patience, and starts wishing Ford would just shoot him to prove how far gone he really was... The look on McKay's face was simply priceless when he accidentally or instinctively shot Ford in the shoulder. And even if he was a coward, shooting that gun mindlessly in the air while crying for help, it was still definitely the highlight of the episode for me... McKay with good intentions yet always fucking up, is the kind of guy we can all relate to. Or at least the kind of guy that I can relate to, especially after a fucking week like I just had...

John Sheppard and Teyla had a few good lines themselves, but they really didn't do much... Sheppard got to relate to Ronon thanks to his military rank, and Teyla got to 'prove' she was trustworthy by ripping open his shirt and proclaiming "we wish you no harm". Which somehow worked like a charm, by the way... Dr. Beckett got another cliche scene of him being terrified to leave the infirmary. But he along with Dex did a great job in the surgery scene, as it really did look painful to watch the Baywatch bitch flinch... I would also say Ronon's acting was painful to watch as well. Yet surprisingly it wasn't, if only because Ford carried him in that stellar knife fight of theirs. And Sheppard provided all the comic relief needed to prevent Dex's hair from being the comic focus of the show...

I personally still wish that the writers would keep Dex on the run, and get Rainbow Sun Francks back on the show full time... but still, my personal misforgivings aside, Runner definitely did show a ton of promise for the second season of the series... Ford was finally truly interesting, as Runner was by far the actor's best performance on the series to date. And even I have to admit Ronon Dex doesn't seem to bad, if only because the man does look badass with an alien revolver in his hand...

Finally, the writers figured out what was going wrong in the first two episodes of the season... Finally the writers limited the show to just two running plotlines at once, just like they had done throughout the whole of the first season...

Sure, I was disappointed that Starbuck was completely missing in action... Sure, it still sucked that Adama was reduced to being old, saggy eye candy for Mrs. Robinson's on that medical table of his... And yes, sure it absolutely sucked that we got Adama for sex appeal for the second straight episode in a row, instead of fucking Grace Park or Michelle Wie...

But finally, the show showed some of the real pacing and plotline and focus that the first season of the show had... With just two plotlines running parallel to each other, each of the stories was given enough time to truly develop into the kind of crap we've been waiting to see all summer long...

You see, the thing with Battlestar Galactica, is that it doesn't really feel like there's just 47K survivors of humanity out there. The way that the actors portray things, and the way the government is set up in the BSG universe, it sounds like earth wasn't destroyed (which it wasn't... the 12 colonies were... yeah...). But rather, there's just a war going on in the background, with the main focus being the internal squabbles of power while our soldiers are off in Iraq...

But finally, we got an episode where politics nor the war itself were key. But rather, fucking survival was the only thing on pretty much my mind the whole show... On Kobol, the only thing the survivors could think of, was how the hell to survive. Calley couldn't think of anything else but to stay put when ordered to play the cannon fodder guinea pig, and Crashdown just couldn't think, period...

And back on the Battlestar? We got a scene that should've rolled my eyes (and it did), as the fucking elected government officials actually begged to touch the hand of the president, believing her to be their prophet and saviour... But it all felt real in the end, you know? These are people who have barely any hope for survival, who's only real dreams come from the prophecies in their bible... Logic goes out the window in circumstances such as this. And the only logical thing to assume, is that faith is the thing people really need to survive... This was never really commented on before in the show. But I'm glad it finally came to light in Fragged... and so did something else...

Finally, the Battlestar Galactica declares a state of martial law. Most of us in the real fucking world are still wondering how the hell the commander didn't declare martial law months ago, when his 12 fucking planets were just fucking nuked into oblivion... Still, there was just something about the whole delivery of Tigh's speech that tied my stomach in knots. I was glad that he finally did declare martial law, and yet? I don't know, but it really somehow did feel like the wrong thing to do at the time... Part of it was obviously because Adama would probably never do such a thing, and Tigh just fracked things up more for his best friend. And part of it was perhaps the music, as finally BSG produced an ending note that truly felt epic just like Hand of God felt near the end...

And part of it was of course Colonel Tigh. As truth be told, I really do think that Fragged was his character's best episode yet... The XO is always best when he's drunk, and there was no exception here. It was completely ridiculous to see the commander of the only Battlestar left in the fleet, not even remembering simple details on the bridge of his ship. And he was like this all the way to the end of the episode, when he was still sucking down the booze after giving a huge speech to the press... He was a completely irresponsible commander. And yes, he definitely regressed from his strong command in the season opener, as he even listened to his Lady MacTigh once again for advice...

But regardless of whether he's an idiot or not, the booze is what makes Colonel Tigh into an interesting character. He doesn't belong in command, and he doesn't belong in the ship, and he knows it... but his people need him. And he doesn't want to let Commander Adama down, so he never gives up... he never surrenders... and fracks things up a million different ways along the way. Reminds me of my own fucking life, really...

And you know that Colonel Tigh is doing his job (and so are the BSG writers for a change), when finally we got some true comic relief back on the show... Gaeta and Dualla had just a couple of 'petty' moments on the screen (bad pun intended...). But they were memorable as hell... The moment the two possible Cylons shared, over Dualla's little drinking signal while talking to Tigh on the phone? That was the little kind of touch that makes a great episode what it is... And all the other precious moments, like Calley admitting that military service was just meant to pay for dentist school, are the kind of human touches that have always defined Battlestar Galactica as the series that it is...

Now, I don't know why the writers fracked up, and made Crashdown into such a one dimensional character in season two. Did he really have to mess up in three or four episodes straight, to the point where I would've shot him myself for just being annoying?... Did the writers just want to make Tyrol look like a hero? As yes, I did respect the man, for dressing down Baltar and giving true respect to the chain of command... But I didn't care one bit for that rescue. As the whole "pistol beats metal thing" has already been beaten to death by the dozens of times I've watched Tom Hanks do it better in Saving Private Ryan, thank you very much...

The key that the writers did strike a chord though with, is the fact that there was no real solution to the Reservoir Dogs scenario at the end...

Would Crashdown really pull the trigger out of panic and a nervous breakdown? Would Tyrol been able to pull the trigger, against his better nature of being an all-around, annoying good guy?... Was Baltar right, in saving a life by taking a life? And are the writers right, that hate and murder is truly the one defining thing that you can say about all of humanity?... pfft... stupid writers, tricks are for kids...

Now, Number Six has been annoying as hell all season long so far. I mean, in season one, at least we got fucking sex and campy sex talk to go along with all her fucking sermonizing. But what have we gotten in season two?... just a bunch of preacher shit from her, talking about the baby and how the evil in Cylons is all the parents' fault...

But finally, Dr. Baltar had a decent enough role to play... He was once again the complete moron of a coward, losing his binoculars yet claiming he saw the Cylon Centurions guard their post for five minutes straight. And he was once again caught in the crossfire, retreating back to his old home in his mind where life was simpler, thanks to sex with a Cylon and all... Finally, we got those aspects of Gaius' personality back. But we also got something that I really didn't expect...

Thanks to his complete lack of morality, we actually got to see the hero come out of the guy. He truly did become a man, as his overwhelming desire of self-preservation, saved Calley's life and saved the entire rescue mission in the end... He lucked out again. After fucking things up with his lies, he lucked out again, and got to look like a true war hero for the first time since Hand of God. And just like Hand of God, I loved the dramatic irony of it all... He still wasn't the Dr. Gaius Baltar we all know and love and hate. But he was at least worlds better than the shit we've gotten from the past two episodes of the season, so...

Hell, everything in Fragged was a hell of a lot better than the shit we've gotten from the second season of the series so far...

On Kobol, we got a tight resolution to a plot that seemed like it was going nowhere... We got a kickass threat from the missile regiment being set up for an ambush. We got some great character development for Calley, Tyrol, and especially Dr. Baltar in the end... We got Apollo looking like a tightass idiot in his Marine outfit. And we got a true sense of the battle for survival... kill or be killed... that's the kind of element that the series has been lacking for so long, if it ever had it before...

On the Galactica, finally we got the politics of the show moving in a direction that actually makes fucking sense... The survivors lose their fucking minds, and fall in line with a fucking dying prophet doped up on narcissistic drug shit. And Tigh loses his mind over another kind of addiction, even going so far as to call the Battlestar "my ship"... Add in a wonderful collection of a musical score, and a true feeling of dread in the atmosphere of the episode... and then what do you get?...

... well, perhaps not the episode of the week for me... it got fragged by something else...

... three damn fine episodes in a row really... with three positive reviews straight for once, for the first time in the longest of whiles...

Battlestar Galactica was the best its been all season long... but it still came third in a tight ass race...

[c. visitors too bored to return...]
... best viewed in Internet Explorer 4 at 800 x 600 resolution, because that's what I still run at ...