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... finally, some good television will be returning to the small fucking screen...

It's been a long time fucking coming, but this month, both Heroes and Stargate: Atlantis will return. I mean, whatever crazy demon possessed Sci-Fi to start airing SGA in the fall instead of the summer, I will never know. All I care about, is that these two series are finally returning to my goddam television set, followed shortly by Battlestar Galactica, Smallville and some real sports that I actual give a shit about. No more of this baseball and soccer bullshit; it's all about the ice hockey and fucking NBA basketball as far as I'm concerned. It's all coming back to me finally, thank fucking God...

But bah, I still have a few more weeks until the first new episodes reach the airwaves. Hell, I don't even think I can start watching any of the new series this fall yet, can I? Chuck, Pushing Daisies and Bionic Woman all look interesting in some aspect or another, although none are particularly worth mentioning or reviewing at this point in time. I'd be tempted to write about The Sarah Connor Chronicles, just like I would've started reviewing the Blade series if only it had been renewed for a second season, but the Terminator show won't officially start until the actual new year or some shit like that, I believe...

So yeah, until the end of September when I finally get my SGA and Heroes goodness, sprinkled and salted with some goddam Halo 3 action to boot? I've still been passing the time with random anime series here and there, and I still have a few last ones left in the works. Ghost in the Shell, Vampire Hunter D, Gungrave, Eureka Seven and maybe even the old skool Gundam series, I've all been thinking of watching in the next couple of weeks, if games like Bioshock and Metroid Prime 3 don't manage to keep me busy. Even after all the television series that I give a shit about start in late September, I may still in my infinite weekend boredom watch an episode or two of some of those aforementioned animes. Although no, I won't have the time nor the motivation anymore to actually rummage and rampart through an entire 26-episode series in a single weekend like I have so often this summer alone...

When I wrote my anime reviews last week, I had just finished watching Neon Genesis Evangelion, what some Otaku fans would consider the best mecha anime ever made. If so, then the mecha genre really is the shittiest of them all, because what the fuck could possibly be construed as even remotely coherent and decent in the fucking goddam Evangelion series? I mean, we're talking about a show so fucked up that not only did it require a fucking movie to try to rewrite the absolutely horrendous final two episodes of the series, but it had its main character so fucking doped up on emo dripping bullshit, that the only things I can remember from him were jizzing all over comatose mental patients and whining of lost Yaoi with Tabris of all fuckers. Seriously, Neon Genesis Evangelion made The Matrix series seem like a fucking cohesive plotline in comparison, even when you include the fucking goddam rave scenes, and that's just fucking sad. WTF?...

Now sure, there were a few random positives littered throughout the whole of the series, namely some of the more creative battles against the Angels attacking Tokyo-3. There were some cool Eva units here and there, with some positively kickass positron weapons to geek out about to boot. However, none of this makes up for just how fucking retarded the whole fucking premise of the series was. I mean sure, I can take Misato being a complete whore with Pen Pen around the household, as at least that was realistic and compelling enough in comparison to watch...

But seriously, what the fuck was with all this goddam over-pretentious, vomit-cringe-worthy, preachy bullshit about wanting to join the fucking Great Link from Deep Space 9? What the fuck was the point of all this goddam AT-separation crap, of having god-like Angel figures essentially reducing humanity and the entire fucking series to a goddam reset button? So much to the point, where the ego-infested braintrust of the series has now opted to cash in even more on his property, by rewriting the series yet again in the fucking theatres as we speak? Wasn't End of Evangelion already fucking enough emo shit for one fucking lifetime? Somebody please N-2 bomb his fucking ass for me. WTF?...

Either way, at least there were some decent mech battles against the Angels in Neon Genesis Evangelion, so I decided to follow that series up this week by watching its spiritual predecessor, Gunbuster (Aim for the Top). And to be honest, this whole emo bullshit crap really worked better as a six episode OVA than a 26-episode behemoth of a bore, as Noriko was only a complete whiny bitch for about two or three half hours at most. Now that amount at least I can handle, especially considering at least we didn't get the same "I cut myself to sleep" crap from the Asuka-wannabe here as we did in Evangelion. And yeah, I admit that it was kinda neat to see the prototypes for all the characters in Neon Genesis already here in Gunbuster, notably since they all were far more normal teenagers than any of the psychos that we got in the former series...

In the end though, I didn't like Gunbuster much, mainly because it was too true to its alternate name in being way over the fucking top with shit. Plus, it made a mockery of science at times, as its people on earth were too fucking stupid to just go 90% of the speed of light (instead of 99.8%) to avoid goddam relativistic effects apparently. Even so, I will admit that certain relational situations that were only made possible with retarded decisions to constantly stay in galactic slow-motion, created much more interesting and dynamic characters in the end than any of the emo bullshitters that we were left with in goddam Neon Genesis Evangelion...

And while like I said, I didn't really enjoy Aim for the Top that much, I will admit that from what I've seen so far of its sequel Diebuster (Aim for the Top 2, which only gets interesting once it links directly with its prequel), Gunbuster really is the best of these three anime mecha series so far, in my honest opinion at least. Not that that's saying much, but at least it didn't make me gouge my own eyes out in goddam fucking subspace, Event Horizon style, that is...

The last series I watched in the past seven days was another short one, only 13-episodes in length, but by far was my favourite of the three I've talked about this week. I was hesitant at first to watch Hellsing, even though I had only heard good things about it, since I really didn't trust any of this bullshit vampire crap coming from a non-Western source. In some retrospects, I was proven right, that an anime version of vampirism was far more arcadey and too goddam Dragonball-Z-like compared to any of the stuff I prefer from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or whatever. And hell, how the fuck can anyone ever beat Alucard, honestly? He's like a goddam mix of Gouku and the fucking T-1000 from Terminator, WTF?...

Even Superman wouldn't be able to touch his ass, with Alucard's goddam ability to reshape and reform from shadows. A fucking nuke swallowed into his fucking stomach, he could just fucking laugh off. There was never a credible threat anywhere in the series, except for the times when Alucard fooled the poor fucker into thinking he stood a chance. What the fuck are you supposed to do against him then? How the fuck was Alucard ever beaten by Van Helsing anyhew? WTF?...

That is the premise of the series, albeit it is a bit of a spoiler to know (although it's never really explained in the anime, his origins I mean). Somehow, after five hundred years of wrecking havoc, Dracula is defeated by Van Helsing and swears loyalty to the Hellsing family line as a result. The entire series consists of the newly renamed "Alucard", taunting and toying and haunting his wannabe-vampire prey in often humourous and comical fashion. The series had neither the charm of Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor the horror that you get from traditional vampire films, but I still enjoyed the show on one level at least. Alucard was a pure fucking badass, plain and simple, reminding me a bit at times of Blade in just how everything happening around him is a goddam game to revel within...

Hellsing as a series really had no compelling plotline to speak of, but the characters of Alucard, his master Hellsing, Walter and the Police-Girl, were a goddam god-send to me compared to the emo fucking demonic bullshit that came out of the ass of Neon Genesis Evangelion, at least. Now, I wouldn't recommend Hellsing amongst the only decent animes I've watched so far (Full Metal Alchemist, Trigun, and maybe Cowboy Bebop and Berserk if I'm feeling nice for the day), but at least it actually had fun moments worth revisiting from time to time, simply for the pure Fight Club badassery and gore of goddam Alucard...

But goddammit, even after an entire summer of trying to put up with and tolerate this fucking anime bullshit, I still long for the days when my fucking Western television shows finally all return. Stargate Atlantis and Heroes, where the fuck are you? I'd even take Heroes Origins bullshit crap written and directed by Kevin Smith at this point in time. Or hell, even the return of Alias. That's just fucking sad, I know...

Yes, I have been bored this summer. Bored out of my mind at times, which is why I've reduced myself to finally watching anime series for the first period in my entire goddam life. There have been no real video games to play, there hasn't been any decent television shows to speak of or review, and it's not like I was willing to spend my entire summer watching nothing but theatrical releases. So what else did I really have to do to entertain myself, but to become a wannabe Otaku? Sadly, WTF?...

By my last anime wrap-up of a review, I had finished Full Metal Alchemist, Cowboy Bebop, Samurai Champloo and Trigun. All four of those series were alright, and often are recommended to me as the absolute best that anime has to offer. The thing is though, while FMA and Trigun both had their amusing and entertaining spots, and while Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo can both be considered high art in terms of drawings and soundtrack? I really didn't like any of those series nearly as much as I hoped I would, as no episode (aside from a few in Trigun) could really match the amount of fun I have with such Western shows as Stargate, Star Trek and Heroes...

Anyhew, since my last anime review? I've completed four more anime series, mostly out of further recommendations from friends. Namely Outlaw Star, The Vision of Escaflowne, Noir and Berserk...

The reason I watched Outlaw Star was obvious for anyone who knows the series and my Sci-Fi obsessive roots. After going through Cowboy Bebop and Trigun, it was only natural to complete the Japanese Space Western of a trifecta. And by no means was it a horrible anime, as the idea of a grappler ship shooting down enemy missiles with good ol' gun slingers, kept me going through 26 or so episodes at least. Caster shells were an awesome concept of a weapon, to boot. And besides, how the fuck can I ever say no to a series where the hottie of an android has to get naked to goddam navigate the ship? WTF?...

But I dunno, the characters just all seemed so damn flat when it comes down to it. The sidekicks of that assassin and cat girl were used for nothing but shits and giggles in the end, Melfina was poorly developed as well, and I don't even remember the names of the lead two males. That shows how little of a shit I gave about them, or the villains of the McDougal brothers and the Space Pirates. I'm sure there were a few decent episodes along the way, but there were really none that I can conjure up from the top of my head. I did like the dry humour we got from the voice of the Outlaw Star's computer, but besides all that, the series was more or less just a bland mix of "meh"-dom. Nothing stood out, nothing was special, but at least I can appreciate that the show never ever really took itself too damn seriously...

Noir was the one anomaly of a series I watched. It was obviously not directed or intended at me as an audience, being comprised of essentially an unspoken love triangle between three female assassins (Kirika, Mireille and Chloe) of the girl power variety. I started watching it on the recommendation of a friend, only to get so damn annoyed and bored from the constant soap opera bullshit, that I even gave up on the series for about an entire damn month. The entire series can be summed up as just the two leading ladies staring at each other, constantly wondering what the fucking meaning of life and assassination is. Not only was it overly pretentious and angsty as hell, but the action was completely lacking of any decent crimson as well (even if it was on purpose). The enemies (The Soldats) were mind-numbingly dumbass and boring at the start, being nothing but generic male cannon fodder for the goddam girl power craze at the time...

However, I will admit that the series did start to pick up near the final six or so episodes, when the truth of the Soldats and of Noir was revealed. And come on, for you two readers out there who know me, isn't it obvious that I would end up somewhat enjoying a series where there's constant goddam touching between horny little women and shit like that? Now sure, the action was always boring and subpar, and the soundtrack was just so damn monotonous from playing the same damn bullshit song over and over again. It all really could've been reduced to a six episode OVA if only all the goddam eye-rolling stares at one another had been goddam scrapped from the start. But meh, somehow I still felt compelled to watch until the very end, which is where the series did sort of finally shine. I would never recommend Noir to another human being on the face of the planet, but at least I will admit that beyond all the goddam pretentious bullshit, there actually was a decent enough plot in the end...

And from the same friend who recommended to me Noir, came a mention of the series known as The Vision of Escaflowne. The thing is, I had already heard about the show since it was somewhat popular amongst high school peers who were obsessed with dubbed cartoons in North America, so I figured I had nothing to lose by giving the series a try. And I admit, that I did enjoy some of the art direction, as the world created by The Vision of Escaflowne had a real sort of Chronicles of Narnia, fantasy-style epicness to it. The universe of Gaia, a hidden world in orbit around the Mystic Moon, definitely did lead to some interesting scenarios and characters in the end. Lord Dilandau (no matter how dumbass his fate turned out to be) and Lord Van definitely had a good rivalry going. And as an obsessive Terminator 2 fan, how the fuck can't I at least give a chance to a series that uses liquid-fucking metal for its goddam mecha technology? Sounds good enough to me...

And goddam, don't even mention the piece of shit of a movie that followed, with teen fucking, goddam suicidal, Hitomi angst...

The series itself though, for all its faults and goddam dumbass stupidities, still had its shining moments. It was dredged down by the fact that it was intended to be aimed at girls as an audience, as the series basically boiled down to being a love triangle, with Hitomi having to choose her fate between two men. And the whole concept of the Fate Alteration Device was just so damn fucking ham-Hamster-handed in the end, that it made Full Metal Alchemist at times seem like the least-pretentious television series ever fucking made. But meh, some of the mech fights were okay, although I'll never understand why Newton made his liquid metal machines actually melt their pilots if they ever got even a scratch. And c'mon, you two readers out there who know me should at least realize, how the fuck can I ever universally pan series where a mech turns into a giant fucking, goddam dragon?...

But out of all four of the series I've watched in the past month though? If I had just stopped halfway through it, I would definitely have said that Berserk was the best of the lot by a wide sword of a margin. I admit being completely engrossed by just how awesomely gross, grotesque and gory the whole series was in the first ten or so episodes. The original soundtrack was amazingly moving, the animation was artistically drawn, and none of the characters really did suffer from the huge fucking teen angst plaguing all the other anime I've watched before. I loved the first ten episodes of Berserk, perhaps even moreso than I did for Trigun. The flashback tale of the tragic fall of Griffith was just so expertly set-up, with an epic sense of dread and dramatic irony, that I couldn't help but feel as tense and apprehensive as Guts did as the series marched on forward...

But then, the fucking worst possible shit happened... a fucking angsty, love triangle began to form...

And then, was it just me, or did the series just suddenly devolve into... Hentai?... WTF?...

Now, I'm not saying that... ahem... Hentai, can never have a good plotline or anything (not that I would know anything firsthand about that, of course... ahem...). But seriously, after the series had felt so powerful and mature for ten or twelve or so fucking episodes to begin with, it all just decomposed and disassembled into a wet Otaku's goddam fantasy dream-land? I mean, I'm all for the concept of demons and alternate worlds and shit like that, as I was a huge Buffy and Angel fan back in the day. But seriously, the human plight and dreams of the members of the Band of the Hawk, especially the tragic flaw and fall of Griffith as a human being, was far more enticing and far more entertaining to me than any bullshit crap about giant demons turning into tentacle fucking monsters. As strange as this is to say, especially coming from a nerd like me, I was disappointed as fuck that this once beautifully mature anime, became nothing more than a Freudian psychoanalyst's nightmare in the end...

And it certainly didn't help that the series left on such a WTF note. I mean seriously, WTF was this shit? WTF?...

The only thing that could've been even worse and more puzzling, would've been goddam Sir Isaac Newton fucking Guts up the ass, as the two of them in reverse somehow manage to stare at one another for hours on end, classic fucking Noir-style to the sound of the same shitty ass music...

Or you know, what else could've even been worse? Neon Genesis Evangelion, that's fucking what...

Short story short, while Berserk at first was on pace to become my favourite anime series I've watched so far, and while at least The Vision of Escaflowne had enough good characterization to be worth a mention or two, I still have to say that I enjoyed Full Metal Alchemist and the better parts of Trigun far more than any of the other anime I've watched in recent weeks. Yet still, even so, I've never quite understood the fascination with goddam anime from overseas, when all of it is more or less just goddam generic, teen angst dribble filled with over-pretentious, preachy bullshit crap about human nature, the meaning of life and goddam environmentalism at its fucking goddam worst. WTF?...

And finally, I have somewhat of a right to say that. Afterall, it's now been eight fucking anime series I've already watched in a span of just six fucking weeks?...

... but the rest of those rants and whines in review, will have to wait for another day...

Y2kk Update: In my previous update, I talked a lot about anime, something that I never could've imagined me spending all my time on about ten bloody hell years ago. Yet in this summer, that's pretty much been the whole of my goddam entertainment, ever since Heroes and 24 went off the air. Seriously, I've had nothing really better to do...

That's not to say I've abandoned movies in theatres or any sort of crap like that. Suffice to say, I've been seeing just as many films in recent months as I did when I was reviewing new releases practically on a weekly goddam basis. I just haven't had the urge or the sense of calling to write about any of these latest films for the longest time, probably thanks to goddam fatigue from goddam work...

I think I recall the first movie I was too fucking lazy to review was The Departed, which was weird since I actually really enjoyed that film. I sadly don't remember most of what happened in it anymore, except for the ending that they changed from the Chinese version, for better or for worse really. Either way though, I did enjoy the film for the better part of the two hours, as a smart little crime story that was filled with a great cast (except for Jack Nicholson, in my honest opinion at least). I'm not sure if it deserved all the Oscars it won in the end, but at the time, I just couldn't think of any other film in 2006 that deserved those same awards dished out, so why the hell not then?...

But absolutely the film I loved most last year was Casino Royale, ranking the latest James Bond entry right up there with Batman Begins as the best damn series reboots I've ever seen. I was so disappointed in pretty much every previous Bond film since Goldeneye, that I was expecting nothing from Casino Royale going into the theatre. I was just so wrong though, as not only did Daniel Craig simply blow me away starting with the freestyle running chase at the beginning, but Eva Green was absolutely smokingly stunning throughout the entire fucking film as well. My only complaint for most of the two hours was that Daniel Craig felt like far too much of a blunt instrument at times to be considered a true Bond, only for me to be proven completely wrong when he absolutely became the character incarnate right before the final credits rolled. It was without a shadow of a doubt the best damn 007 film I've ever seen, and I personally still can't wait for the sequel...

I don't know if any movie I've seen in 2007 so far has topped the latest James Bond flick, but I gotta admit, the overall quality of this year's films has been pretty damn surprisingly decent, all things considered. I mean, sure there were plenty of disappointing duds, with Spiderman 3 and Shrek 3 more or less topping that list. I also saw this movie with Will Farrell and Jon Heder about figure skating or some shit like that. I don't even remember the title, so I think that speaks volumes enough about how I felt about those long lost two hours of my life...

I remember being impressed with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles though. I loved the cartoon as a kid, and I even starting adoring the original TMNT movie after my brother forced me to watch it something like a dozen times in our youth. There were definitely moments in the new TMNT that didn't feel right to me, specifically the whole story about ancient Mayan or whatever immortal warriors wanting to bring hell on earth from some random Dimension X. The cartoon in the 90's was far-fetched, but this new film just felt far too gimmicky for my own tastes at times, even if it was perhaps more true to the comics than anything else. Even so, I enjoyed the theatrics for what they were worth, especially the rooftop battle scene between Leo and Raphael. Those two crazy turtles just can't ever get along, now can they? They provided the heart and soul of the original TMNT movie, and they did it again here with some of the best damn CG graphics I have ever seen before...

Hot Fuzz was the surprise comedy of the year for me. I know 300 was all the rage at the time, but I was more pleasantly surprised at the action sequence near the end of Hot Fuzz, with one of the most badass of shotgun scenes of all time. It sucked that I wasn't able to appreciate the British humour littered throughout the rest of the film, the same way that I sadly couldn't give a shit about anything in Monty Python's Holy Grail or Life of Brian ('cept for the rabbitattack, that is...). But heh, I still had my fair share of fun in this little UK 'burb of a town. And how the fuck could I not when it comes to psychotic druids and law enforcement based on Bad Boys of all fucking things?...

Pirates of the Caribbean 3 was a film I saw with a coworker, and while it definitely wasn't the greatest of three hours in my life, it definitely held its own against the second in the trilogy at least. Of course, along with National Treasure, I loved the Disney triumverant of a revitalization that all started with Pixar and then the first Pirates of the Caribbean. The latter will go down in history as one of the most fun summer blockbusters of all time, but I just can't say the same about POTC3. It tried way too hard to be epic and hectic, to the point where the lead characters spouted out generic and cliche doomsday lines straight out of 80's cartoons. Hell, the writers even forgot about having a goddam clever sword-play scene, the kind of which that defined the first in the trilogy and salvaged the second. But despite all these flaws, I felt the pacing of the film was much better than Dead Man's Chest, at least. And the ending, in all honesty, was kind of touching in a sad sort of way. It wasn't the best way to end what I had once hoped would be the greatest trilogy of films ever made, but it definitely was memorable enough in a sense...

Transformers though, probably takes the cake as the most fun summer blockbuster of 2007. It was a dumb film, I'll admit that, but what else can you expect from giant robots in disguise? The acting all around was sub-par, with sadly Shia the Sam outshining even Jon Voight in his role, and Megan Fox's ass being her only damn saving grace. But how the fuck can't I fall in love with a film about giant fucking robots from outer space? The first half of the film was very Spielbergian in quality, with the story more or less being about a boy and his car (with Bumblebee creepily enough trying to get Sam and whats-her-name to get it on in himself... WTF?...). The chemistry and loyalty between the kind Camaro and his ladiesman owner (so to speak), was touching in a rare kind of way that was somewhat reminiscent of ET. Cheesy and completely unrealistic, sure, but even I was laughing at the comic relief in the used car dealership, with the age old VW Beetle there just for shits and old skool giggles...

Still, we all know the reason why Transformers is doing so damn well at the box office, and that simply is because of mindless action between giant fucking robots in disguise. Characters like Starscream toying with F-22 Raptors like they're the Transformers figures we used to play with, was just so fucking badass that I couldn't help but rise up at that scene. And hell, even the parts where the puny humans fight back (despite the cheese of all those goddam Michael Bay-isms) were exciting enough, as who the fuck can't get behind the best of our technology fighting against, well, living fucking technology? There were definitely some embarrassing low points to the film, like the goddam giant (and walking) product placements everywhere, not to mention the horrible Sector Seven shit. But the epic dialogue and battle between Optimus Prime and Megatron just brought back so many fond memories of the past, that as the no-name nostalgic over here, how the fuck can't I give the film two fucking mechanical thumbs up?...

When it comes to "realistic" action though, I was most impressed with Bourne Ultimatum this year. I was no fan of Supremacy however, especially after loving the car chases in both Italian Job and Bourne Identity the year before. I was fearing the worst for the finale in the trilogy, but after seeing the film tonight, I realized that there was simply no reason to fret. The battle between Bourne and Desh was just amazing, not just from the fisticuffs and the genius usage of a good fucking book, but also from the entire chase scene utilizing a goddam dirt bike jumping all over the place. The shaky cam was a bit too much at times, but hot damn, the pacing in the film was just so effective this time around that I didn't even realize when the two hours were up. I felt the plotline was a bit weak and forced, and the ending actually had me laughing at how cheesy it felt when it was all said and done. But really, Ultimatum was every bit the film that Supremacy was not, and definitely the kind of way to end a trilogy that I wish Pirates of the Caribbean 3 could've accomplished as well. It kept things simple, with some great homages to the classic original along the way...

But my favourite film of the year, by far was Ratatouille. It didn't have the rip-roaring action of Transformers, or the amazing choreography of Bourne Ultimatum or anything. But after the huge disappointment of Cars last year, I was afraid that perhaps Pixar had forgotten what made their films so absolutely shine. My fears were put to rest with Ratatouille, as just somehow, it had the same kind of warm, fuzzy feeling you get from such classics as Monsters Inc. and Finding Nemo. I was so relieved, when I finally realized that Pixar had once again rediscovered the long lost art of heart and soul...

I think Ego at the end of the film said it best. The life of a critic, even a noname one such as myself, is just so meaningless. Our reviews, and perhaps our very existence, is probably more worthless than the junk we designate so. Sometimes, in our passion for the perfect review, we forget about all the innocent joys we feel when we witness a great movie, experience an epic television series, or live an awesome video game. Or at least, that's how I've felt for so long now, which is partially the reason why I stopped reviewing all that shit I did before. I felt that Ego was reading my mind here, like he was my own personal vision of Chef Gusteau. Sometimes, you just have to drop the pen and enjoy what life gives you. And I don't know, but somehow, despite all its flaws (especially a really slow yet forced first half hour to the film)? I felt like Ratatouille was honestly talking directly to my heart, about who I am and where to go from here...

I really don't know if I've felt happier since I gave up reviewing all that shit I did before. More or less, I've just felt guilty about leaving this website to rot, as of course the real reason why I haven't kept up the writing pace is due to my infernal and goddam eternal complacency and fatigue...

Still, even after realizing this for six fucking months now, I don't know when or if I'll ever write formal reviews for all the aforementioned films I've talked about here. All I do know, is that 2007 (and the latter part of 2006) has been filled with good fucking films, most of which I've enjoyed more than almost any other theatrical release for the past few years...

From this point on though, I can't recall if there are really any films that I give a shit about anymore this year. Rush Hour 3 I'll see on a whim, if only because I feel I owe Jackie Chan for something. Balls of Fury looks great, thanks to my proverbial bloodlust for ping pong, but the rest of Fall more or less looks bone dry. This holiday season has American Gangster and National Treasure 2, but is that really it? Maybe I'm just missing something here, just like The Departed (and in some respects, even Casino Royale) fell underneath my radar last year, but it seems to me that the best of 2007 has already come and gone...

I'm hoping to be proven wrong though. Proven wrong like I have been by so many films already this goddam year...

... but a great film can come from anywhere, from anyone, and apparently any time...

Y2kk Update: Last week, didn't I state that there weren't any video games worth buying anytime soon?...

I took a good hard look at the August release line-up this past week, and already I can sense my wallet bleeding and shedding tears. For the Nintendo Wii, finally some decent games that I give a shit about are coming out, namely Mario Strikers Charged and the godly Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. For the Nintendo DS, I know for sure I'll be buying the next Phoenix Wright game, and I'll probably be picking up Luminous Arc as well simply because it's a goddam strategy RPG. The Xbox 360 has a couple of tempting titles in Blue Dragon and especially Bioshock, although I can easily wait out price drops for the both of them. And damn, I might even stoop low enough to pick up a few of those rare PS2 games still arriving on store shelves, namely Persona 3 and Growlanser: Heritage of War, simply because I won't be able to find them in any outlet in a few months or so...

(and yes, sadly, I do have a fucking PS2... I treat it like the bastard step-child from hell though, which it is, of course...)

Besides video gaming though, I haven't really been up to much this entire damn summer. Without sports to tide me over, or even without the goddam television triumverant of Stargate, Battlestar Galactica and goddam Smallville to give me a reason to write and review, it's been more or less a slow ass season for me. I have been checking out more of the movies out in theatres, and I'm pretty sure I'll eventually get around to talking about those. But in the meantime, the bulk of my leisure time off from goddam work has been spent on another form of television, one that I actually swore never to give a shit about starting from way back in high school...

Goddammit, along with The Matrix went two fucking trends in high school that I couldn't fucking stand, simply because all the cool geeks kept fucking molesting us lower echelon nerds up the ying yang with their goddam arrogant comparisons. First of all, this was the era when the original Playstation was picking up steam and the N64 was seen as the goddam console for kids, so amongst all the deriding and hounding, I swore never to buy a fucking Sony Playstation console until the brand was goddam dead at the feet of Nintendo (which, if you compare the PS3 and PSP to the Nintendo Wii's / DS's success, then perhaps I did keep my promise). That was the solemn pledge I made that has been no secret to you two remaining noname readers out there...

But the other little oath I made to myself was something that I guess I had to take back at some point or another in my lifetime, and thus I rarely ever bother to talk about it much. I still remember being in art class back then, still in love with traditional Western animation such as Batman: The Animated Series and Gargoyles, when all the fucking goddam assclowns in the class kept mocking me for how shit ass the cartoons I liked really were. All they gave a shit about was anime, about techno-crap and preachy ass Gundam bullshit or whatever, and they discussed it amongst themselves as if it were all high art. The few bits and pieces of anime that I had watched by that time were nothing more than the usual meh to me, but simply because I couldn't stand all the elitism amongst the goddam otaku group, I swore I'd never watch another fucking anime ever again...

In my infinite boredom this past summer, I finally decided to take back my ancient little blood oath and watch some goddam anime. It all started with Fullmetal Alchemist, ironically thanks to collecting the Square Enix video games for the PS2 that come along with a free episode or two. I liked the concept of alchemy, of their weird-ass magical science, as the law of equivalent exchange really is a nifty little rule of thumb (even though it was dumbass how their world never once realized the law of conservation of energy until near the bloody hell end)...

But what really drew me to the series was the plight of the characters themselves. The beginning episodes, of Ed and Al trying to bring their mother back, were dark and disturbing yet bonded the two in a way that really made the series shine. I never once thought I could give a shit about an empty suit of armour and a kid who can't stand being noticed as short, but after blowing through all 52 episodes and the movie in just a three day weekend? I had to admit that despite the vast majority of half hours being sub-par or goddam preachy ass shit, there were some really great moments in there that rival the best I've seen from goddam Western animation as well...

... I just wish I could've experienced the same enlightenment from all the other goddam animes I've watched since then...

On the recommendation that it was the best fucking anime ever made, I decided to give Cowboy Bebop a go soon after. And yes, after consuming all 26 episodes in a weekend and then the movie that followed, I can definitely see why all those assholes back in high school really did consider it to be high art. The drawings of worlds and planetary scenery was inspired, the animation still stands the test of time, the premise of the series was thoughtful and mature, but more than anything else, the use of the aural was almost surreal at times. Not only was the voice localization amazing by all standards, but the music was just so atmospheric and engrossing that it really made this series stand out as having one of the best damn presentations I have ever experienced in any television show before...

Problem was, it was all so fucking boring. It's a common complaint of the series that it's so episodic based, and while normally I would have no issue with that, I do have a problem with the fact that most of those episodes were so goddam mundane. Except for a rare couple that managed to make me laugh (the one with the alien lobster in the fridge, and the mushroom one that followed are the only two that come to mind), the series took itself way too seriously to the point where it almost became a preachy parrot of a parody at times. Some point to The Ballad of the Wind Fish or whatever the fuck that episode was called, as the greatest half hour of animation ever made. But I just thought it felt completely overdone and pointless with all its Matrix slow-mo shit, it's melodramatic dream-world music, and the fact that the rest of the series didn't even show any real continuity with this pivotal moment until maybe ten episodes later. WTF?...

... a great anime, perhaps... but just not for me... and just not worth watching again...

I wanted to give the famed Japanese director a second chance though, so the following weekend, I poured through all 26 episodes of Samurai Champloo. The thing is though, I was told that this series was laugh out loud funny, that it may not have rivalled Cowboy Bebop in terms of epicness and atmosphere, but that it was clearly just as goddam humourous. And, well, considering I barely even snickered at a single joke in Cowboy Bebop? I guess I'm inclined here to agree...

Except for a battle between Stag Beetles, a clash between baseball bats, and oddly enough the clip-show were Jin and Mugen are reading through some diary, I didn't find any fucking moment in the entire fucking series to be worth even a single laugh. There was more fucking style and substance in the fucking opening credits than all the rest of the episodes combined. Maybe I just don't get Japanese humour or some shit like that, since this show seriously relied far too heavily on inside jokes for its own goddam good, but I really found the entire series to be a complete chore of a bore. I guess I can agree with the critics on one other account then, that Cowboy Bebop really must be the best fucking anime series of all time, if Samurai Champloo is supposedly said to be the goddam second. Relatively speaking, of course. WTF?...

Fullmetal Alchemist impressed me with the strength and conviction of the bond between brothers (not to mention gratuitous credit shots of Winrey... but that's a story for another day). It had an awesome premise of alchemy, built upon a sad and dark history for the both of the slapstick protagonists. Sure, the series got preachy, pretentious and kinda ridiculous in the end, especially when it came to the truth behind the Philosopher's Stone and The Gate. But at least characters like Scar, Colonel Mustang, and hell, even the fucking dog belonging to Hawkeye all felt like they had more personality than anyone in Samurai Champloo. And the only person I gave a crap about in Cowboy Bebop wasn't really a person, but rather Ein the fucking dog. Ein is Finkle and Finkle is Einhorn; that canine was really the only saving grace of that entire fucking show in terms of actual goddam entertainment, in retrospect...

As you can plainly tell, I'm not into high art but rather just into fucking enjoying myself on a goddam weekend of boredom. So before I swore to myself once again to never watch another goddam anime, I decided to switch up my strategies and go for something a little more light-hearted...

A week ago, I gave Trigun a chance, and I certainly was surprised. The last half of the 26-episode series was a bit too ham-fisted and serious for its own good, but already in the first half, there were more classic moments in this Space Western that I can watch over and over again with a smile, than there were in all of Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo combined. I don't know why, maybe it was just the music and the badass cinematography of it all, but I really did love that ol' Western showdown between Vash the Stampede and the Nebraska boys (the battle where Meryl finally realizes the truth). And really, while I loved Vash for the most part as a personality, the award for the most kickass top dog has just got to go to Wolfwood. How the fuck can you not love that guy, with a church in his pocket and a rocket launcher to boot?...

Once again, just like with Fullmetal Alchemist, I had realized once again what makes me enjoy television so much. I don't mind preachy ass themes, as long as they're subtle enough behind the scenes. And for goddam certain, I don't care about the concepts of high art and goddam so-called artistic expression. All I do give a shit about, is that I am fucking entertained with lots of explosions, a kickass plot, maybe a few sprinkles of goddam Sci-Fi, but most of all, memorable goddam characters who don't take themselves too goddam seriously. That's all I ask for, and that's all I want. To be goddam entertained by characters actually meant to be goddam entertaining, preferably without a real message behind the man, you know?...

So yeah, thanks to Trigun, I'm back on the path of filling up my bored ass time with actual goddam fucking anime, something I never could've imagined me doing years before. My high school self would spit on me, before shining my goddam shoes that is. But of course, as soon as my usual timetable of Stargate, Battlestar Galactica, Heroes, and goddammit, even fucking Smallville, all return in the Fall? Then anime can just fuck off all over again, as finally I'll have something once more that's goddam better to do...

In the meantime, my wallet will continue to cry thanks to the out-cry and downpour of actual decent games to buy in August. Combine that with my brother leaving home in September, forcing me to purchase a) a new LCD HDTV (a 46" Sharp Aquos true-1080p, please), b) another Xbox 360 (perhaps an Elite this time, depending on the impending price drop), and c) goddam fucking Halo 3, and then you see just why I need that goddam, motherfucking raise at work already, if only for one fucking month...

... as during the dry fucking spells of summer, as dusty and barren as the deserts of Trigun truly are?...

... then a good anime, I suppose, really is worth its weight in lead turned to gold...

Y2kk Update: I've been so goddam bored with video games this year, and it's hard for me to fathom why...

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm still buying all that shit and looking up video gaming news every single day. My backlog has become larger than my own backyard, simply because I now have the money to buy all the video gaming shit that I want to collect. Of course, part of the problem stems from the fact that after work, I just don't have the urge to play any of these games that I buy. A large reason is because I'm just too damn lazy and tired after staring at a computer monitor all fucking day long, to return back home and do the same damn shit with what I once considered to be entertainment. So maybe really, this lapse in gaming is really just because my life has been changing...

Then again, it doesn't seem like I'm alone in the universe on this. While software sales for the Xbox 360 have been decent in North America at least, any NPD or Japanese sales charts will quickly show anyone that the so-called next generation systems of the Xbox 360 and PS3 have been doing atrociously overall worldwide. I've been feeling the effects here myself, where despite having an Xbox 360, there's just nothing out for it that I would even bother giving a try. I've been thinking of Project Slypheed or some shit like that, but really, nothing else on the system right now interests me whatsoever. I had a bit of fun with Rainbow Six: Vegas and Gears of War last year, but a few hours later, I didn't even give a shit about either...

The thing is though, while I may not be alone when it comes to shrugging my shoulders to the Xbox 360 and PS3, what about the Wii? I have the system myself, yet it's just sitting there in my basement, gathering dust as we speak. Wii Sports was entertaining to me as a novelty for a short time, and I respect the innovation and craft put into the Wiimote, but the system just doesn't feel like it was designed for the type of games that I actually want to goddam play...

And even the ones that look interesting to me have fallen by the wayside, partially due to the piss poor graphics and cumbersome controls. I loved Zelda: Twilight Princess, on the Gamecube at least, but couldn't get past that annoying stupid fairy-pointer on screen to go through the game again on the Wii. Red Steel was a sack of shit, Super Paper Mario proved to be too much of a disappointment to me thanks to a distinct lack of a run button, and I just haven't gotten the rush yet to open up my copy of Resident Evil 4 and beat the game a second time around. Just like with the Xbox 360, there really isn't anything on the Wii right now that I would bother busting out except perhaps at a party...

There were really only two games I've enjoyed in all of 2007 so far, and they were both on the Nintendo DS. I loved Hotel Dusk against my initial opinions, so much so that I beat the game twice and still contemplate going through it again. And the Phoenix Wright series, while already starting to feel a bit old to me, still has me frothing in anticipation for the port of the third game coming this August. But really, it's just pathetically sad how even after spending literally thousands of dollars on video games during these past twelve months alone, that the only real two of them that I actually enjoyed turned out to be text based, point and click Nintendo DS games? WTF?...

I was hoping that E3 this year would rekindle my love for the industry. I was praying that Nintendo would reinvigorate my passion for the sport of interactive entertainment. But instead, what did we get from Nintendo two weeks ago, but a lameass presentation that focused on nothing else than WiiFit for gamers even more casual than those eating up WiiSports? Now, don't get me wrong, there's no doubt in my mind that WiiFit will help the Nintendo Wii sell even more like hotcakes when it's released in 2008, as I really can't see how the game can fail to be a multi-million seller. It's just ironic to me though, that after living through the N64 and GC periods where I dreamed of Nintendo sticking it to Sony and finally coming out on top once more, that I would suddenly feel so left out in the cold when it would all finally become a reality? WTF?...

Now of course, I do know that there is a plethora of new Nintendo games coming out for the Nintendo Wii and DS this year that I am literally salivating at getting my hands on. Whether it be Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, the new Fire Emblem SRPG, or especially Super Smash Bros Brawl, I know my wallet will have a hole burned right through this holiday season. It's just that, I wish that instead of showing off some ridiculous looking Wii Zapper thingy that looks so much worse than the original Light Gun-esque models a year ago? That Nintendo would've concentrated on the games they're putting all their effort into actually making, rather than just the casual gamer shit that they've focused a tithe of their development time but apparently 90% of their goddam marketing to...

Meanwhile, I know that my life will be busy with games that I actually do want to play this fall season thanks to the Xbox 360 as well. I am literally dying here for Bioware's Mass Effect, after loving Knights of the Old Republic to death, and I do have a slight feint of interest in the state of Fallout 3. And how the fuck can I ever resist the inner urge to grab a copy of Halo 3 in my hands and kick some goddam Covenant ass (even if Halo 2 was a pile of Tartarus monkey shit)? Problem is, all the other games demoed on the Xbox 360 (and PC) just seemed to be incomplete and ultimately generic in the end, the same way that Gears of War felt to me despite all its graphical polish. Assassin's Creed, Bioshock and Fable 2 just all seemed far too cliche and mundane for me to ever give a shit about. I'd much rather care about Starcraft 2 than anything else, but we didn't even get any real news about that...

The two most amazing video game trailers to come out at E3 were Call of Duty 4 and Killzone 2, although the latter still didn't even approach the level of jaw-dropping animation and physics that the "target" trailer had two years ago. Besides that, Metal Gear Solid 4 and Resident Evil 5 both had some pretty nifty cutscene sequences as well, but it was just disappointing that all four of the aforementioned games didn't really seem playable past a tiny little closed door demo. As a result, I just can't get interested in any of the above, except for maybe Call of Duty 4 since it seems that the series was more or less reinvented. I'm just getting tired of sequel after sequel without there being drastic changes in gameplay (like the difference between Resident Evil 3 and 4), which is kind of ironic to hear from a Nintendo fan, I know. But even I admit, I was starting to feel a tad bit of that "been there, done that" kind of feeling while riding Epona with the wind in Twilight Princess...

I really still love the video gaming industry, but I'm just too fucking lazy and disinterested in the state of consoles right now to give more than a novelty sort of damn. Like I mentioned before, since the holiday season, the only games I've enjoyed have been Zelda: Twilight Princess, Hotel Dusk, Phoenix Wright: Justice for All, and the original Halo. Yes, the original fucking Halo; I literally choose to replay that game over and over the one hundred or so other games I've bought this past year alone. That's just the kind of mood I'm in right now, the kind of funk I've had for the past six months, that's all...

Honestly, I've been so goddam bored with video games this year, and it's hard for me to fathom why...

I was hoping E3 would cure my ailments, only to come away even more disappointed with the industry than ever before...

Because is it just me, is it just work, or is there actually a real reason why I don't give a real damn about sitting down with a controller and playing an actual game or two? I couldn't even get into sports games this year, not even into NBA 2K7 when the Raptors were kicking ass and taking names. WTF?...

And hell, I've been wanting to sit down here and write my reviews for Twilight Princess, Super Paper Mario and a whole host of Xbox 360 games for so damn long now. I've just been too damn lazy ass, disinterested and maybe even disheartened, to even manage that much as well, I'm afraid...

It's not like I've had anything else to do at home. With Heroes over, Stargate not returning until the fall, and barely any movies I give a shit about either, you'd think that I would actually sit down and play a few of those fucking thousand video games I own...

... being too fucking lazy ass to do anything with this noname website anymore...

It all started late last year. I started getting disinterested and disenchanted with movies, since for such a long time, nothing good really came out of the big silver screen. Television was great, sure, probably the best it's ever been when you think objectively outside of scheduling boundaries. But movies? Really, besides The Incredibles and Batman Begins, I can't even remember any films I enjoyed for the span of two or more fucking years. Both the original Pirates of the Caribbean and National Treasure can count as well, but really, that's still a completely paltry list there for my entire recent fucking movie-going history...

Alas, by the time good films did start rolling about, namely The Departed and Casino Royale last year, I was too bored with movies in general and too fucking lazy ass in total, to update this website and bother to review those two amazing films. And now even still, all the way to July, I'm still too tired from work each and every fucking day of the week to bother writing about all the good movies that came out this year so far. Namely, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Hot Fuzz, which I've both seen this past winter season. And maybe even Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, which I thought was decent enough as well when I saw it with a colleague of mine. Die Hard 4 was probably my most enjoyed film since Casino Royale, if only for how badass John McClane was in comparison to shitty ass 24: Season 6. And I'm sure both Ratatouille and Transformers will be worth the price of admission whenever I get around to checking out those two summer flicks as well...

But alas, even though 2007 has so far been a damn good year overall for movies, with a few more gems like Bourne Ultimatum and Rush Hour 3 still coming our way (not to mention National Treasure 2 coming in December), I've just been too fucking tired from goddam work to update this website of mine with any sort of crap like that. It's been a slow summer for me, namely because SG-1 was cancelled and Sci-Fi has been too fucking dumbass to air either Stargate Atlantis or Battlestar Galactica before the fall season like they normally did in the past. And because of that, I've had absolutely nothing to push myself into writing on this goddam noname website of mine...

Well, maybe one of these days, I'll finally get off my ass and back onto it in this chair again to write all those reviews that I've backlogged for so fucking long. 2007 really has been a great year for films so far, with more memorable ones already this season than maybe the past two years combined...

But as of today, after not a single goddam Y2kk update in all of June? I've just been too damn exhausted and too damn demoralized from goddam work to ever write about anything but complain how I never goddam write anymore...

[c. visitors too bored to return...]
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