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Friday, March 14th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Stargate Atlantis: The Last Man Review (Spoilers...) -

The Last Man turned out to be the last episode of Stargate Atlantis for the season...

... and much to my surprise, it also turned out to be one of its best...

When I first heard the premise of Colonel John Sheppard being sent back to the future some 48 000 years without the use of a DeLorean, I had a bad feeling that the writers would jump the holographic shark and just have fun killing off all the characters. While the latter did come true, I was pleasantly surprised that the episode made a lot of sense in the context we were given. There were definitely epic and heroic moments littered throughout the hour, with Colonel Carter and Ronon providing key sacrifices, although the episode never does explain how Michael was able to manufacture or conquer so many damn Wraith Hive ships in so little time. But whatever, small details...

The Last Man painted an interesting landscape of a future for the SGA mission, in which it seems earth really has fucked over the Pegasus Galaxy as if it were its own private Middle East. I mean, I can understand why the SGC would do whatever it takes to make the Milky Way Galaxy as safe for us as possible, considering we were under constant threat and direct peril from enemies all around us. But the Wraith in the Pegasus Galaxy would probably never reach earth in a dozen lifetimes, and even if they did, they'd be a minimal threat to our Ancient defenses and Asgard technology of even the present, as long as they don't come in overwhelming numbers that is...

But alas, we royally did fuck up the Pegasus galaxy's balance, simply because we assumed that saving the people from being feasted upon by the Wraith was the right thing to do. What has happened since then? We woke up all the Wraith, causing a civil war with horrible collateral damage. We turned the Asuran Replicators off of auto-pilot, enough so that they started massacring all human life in the entire galaxy. And now thanks to Dr. Beckett's humanitarian efforts in re-humanizing the Wraith, we produced the new dictator known as Michael who apparently kicks us out of the promised land of Atlantis in the next 25 or so years. Wow, did that "expedition" to the Pegasus Galaxy sure turn out wrong...

But meh, whatever, I don't watch Stargate Atlantis for its political parallels. I watch it for good comedy, good characterization, and lots of lots of big ass explosions. The key to The Last Man was that we had here John Sheppard with Rodney McKay, albeit a much older version of the latter, proving once again just where the heart and soul of this series really lies. Whether the Rodney hologram was calling his creator the "great" McKay, or bitching that for some odd reason, Lantian solar panels (unless earth brought them along) can barely power a few little golf carts, how the fuck couldn't I have found The Last Man to be the last great episode of the season? And c'mon, you gotta admit, getting sent forty eight thousand years into the future in a blink of an eye is pretty "cool" if you think about, cooler than dating a supermodel in both mine and McKay's eyes, apparently...

The strength of this episode was entirely in David Hewlett's and Joe Flanigan's fate, and they certainly made the most of it. This was one of Sheppard's best episodes since at least Doppelganger, especially with his reactions to all the demises of his trusted friends. And like always, his banter with McKay has always been the highlight of the show. I got quite a few unexpected chuckles from this episode, whether they were debating over the badassness of sand storms, or Rodney putting Sheppard down as a "young man". David Hewlett himself had a gut-wrenching look on his face the entire time through, first appearing so damn relieved to see that Sheppard was indeed alive, and then so heart-broken when he had to reveal all the horrible news that had transpired. I don't know, I guess what made The Last Man such a memorable episode for me, was simply that I could really relate to everything that both Sheppard and McKay seemed to have felt the entire hour through...

It was an episode full of decent guest spots, with Zelenka having a token, one-second role and Teyla providing a lovely dead body in the middle of a room. Connor Trinneer once again proved to be a damn good villain, although lifting the head of a Wraith Queen over his own was a bit too much. The key introduction though was that of Richard Woolsey as the new leader of the Atlantis expedition. I'm personally interested in seeing where the writers take this next season, especially after having squandered Amanda Tapping's talents for the past year. But the problem is, how the fuck can I ever take Robert Picardo serious looking like that? Why the hell did they get rid of his suit and everything, when now he looks like the Emergency Medical Hologram for the goddam base...

"Please state the nature of your Pegasus Emergency." Did his Voyager self suddenly switch roles with Dr. McKay here or some shit like that? Because somehow, I can picture Woolsey just reiterating that line over and over again, as soon as the SGA team figures out how to unleash the Borg on the poor hapless Pegasus populations too...

Amanda Tapping wasn't exactly wasted in The Last Man, but she could've had a better role as The Last Woman on the Phoenix ship. To be honest, hit and run strategies when you have such overpowered weapons are not a bad idea (so, about five beam hits take out an Ori mothership, two or three are needed for a shitty ass Asuran Aurora warship, and now just three shots are enough for an entire Wraith Hive ship? WTF?), but why the hell would she ever try to get to the ambush planet before the Wraith did? It's not like the Wraith have no shields in hyperdrive to take advantage of, so why not appear somewhere else in the damn system first, away from any potential threats, just in case? WTF?...

Bizarro tactics aside though, it was sort of emotional to see everyone's favourite Colonel Carter literally go down in a blaze of flaming Phoenix glory there. Like I said, she's been wasted as leader of the Atlantis expedition, but she's always been a true hero at heart. Seeing her sacrifice herself like she did, was definitely Amanda Tapping's finest moment on all of Stargate Atlantis. Sad to think though, that it may be one of her last...

Ronon's demise was a bit unpredictable, in the sense that he went down hand in hand, fighting side by side a Wraith of all beings. But apparently, he can relate to Todd as much as he ever could with Teal'c, as the "indeed" moment between the two of them seemed to indicate. If anything, not only did Ronon's death have a very impactful and badass atmosphere to it all, but it also gave hope that maybe relations between the Wraith and humanity can be salvaged if only a suitable, alternative food source could be found for them. The Wraith are noble to those who they deem equals, and Todd definitely seems to have respect for Ronon and the SGA team and vice versa...

Earth ruined the balance of power in the Pegasus Galaxy and have been trying to fix the problem as if they were still dealing with the Goa'uld. As in, pure evil beings akin to a "thousand Hitlers", as Daniel Jackson once put it. But the Wraith are not exactly evil per say, but rather slaves to their own pride, honour and hunger. Sadly, making them become Michael's hybrids would solve all these issues if only Michael wasn't a complete asshole in taking over the galaxy and wiping out the weak with eugenics. Oh well, guess you can't win them all...

And I don't think we completely won out with The Last Man either. As much as I loved every single moment of Rodney telling Sheppard about his glory days with Dr. Keller, or having John get back at his "glitch" by claiming the old McKay had no hair to speak of, the episode was still tainted with a forced cliffhanger near the end. Why did the writers have to ruin the scope and bleak atmosphere of the hour, with such a lame finish with a building collapsing on top of the crew? Sure, now we may question whether Major Lorne will ever become the general he was in the previous timeline, but do we honestly think anything truly wrong would have happened to the rest of the cast and crew? Except that Teyla will now have to play dead in another unsterilized room, but that's about the only real difference I think...

Even so, even after leaving such a bad final taste in my mouth, I still felt that The Last Man was a great episode to finish off the season with, even though it had the last plotline synopsis that I'd ever consider to be good...

Rodney McKay and John Sheppard truly are the stars and spotlights of the show. Whether the two of them are bantering in their 30's, bitching at one another in their 40's, or bickering like an old couple twenty five years down the road, I'd watch this series just for them...

As long as those two are still on the show, or at least live on as snarky, sarcastic, emergency Pegasus holograms?...

Then I'll say, we'd still at least have twenty five more good years of Stargate Atlantis to go...

... or forty eight thousand, give it or take...

Friday, February 29th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Stargate Atlantis: The Kindred (Parts 1 & 2) Review (Spoilers...) -

Yeah, I know. I've been so damn invisible online as of late. It's not like Atlantis has been bad or anything, I've just been lazy...

Okay, I stand corrected a bit. Midway was a good Atlantis episode, but The Kindred only made my positive side thanks to one man and one man alone...

It was no secret that Dr. Carson Beckett was returning for a guest role in the fourth season of Atlantis. Hell, didn't the writers and producers even put the man in the promos for the season or some shit like that? What was disappointing though, was that we did not get the real McCoy. This Carson Beckett was a clone, albeit with every single one of the original's memories since Trip Tucker stole his DNA. In a sense, the episode felt like a bit of a cop-out then, as alternate universe and different timeline characters always give me a sense of a cheap ratings grab by the big wigs, especially after they made such a huge mistake in killing off Beckett in the first place. On the other hand, it was just so good to see the Scottish doctor all over again, so much so that all can be easily forgiven. He and McKay easily were the heart and soul of this Atlantis team, and the series has just not been the same without them. Not until The Kindred at least, where even despite the lame ass excuse of a plotline to give Teyla some maternal shore leave, I still ended up having a soft spot for this show...

Alright, I'll admit that Teyla wasn't bad in this episode, showing a ton of concern for her child exactly like a mother should do. What I didn't like though, was all of her incessant whining and ranting and bitching over at Kanaan. I mean seriously, the guy has probably superhearing now, does he really need to listen to all this hormonal shit? First of all, why the fuck did Teyla fall for this loser in the first place? Not only does he look like a poor man's Ba'al, but he didn't even seem to have a personality before he was turned into a hybrid. I know that after Rachel's child is born in real life and after her character is 'rescued' from her maternity leave, she'll stick on the team in a vengeance sort of quest to get back her son and the father of her child. Meh, I can see it all coming, although I hesitate to do such because it normally ends up so generically cliche on Sci-Fi. Still, I'll give her credit where she does deserve it. She had some touching scenes when reunited with her leftover Athosians, and her disgust for Michael whenever the two of them met, certainly did remind me of my own so-called relationships from the past...

Sheppard didn't show much emotion in these two episodes and neither did Ronon, considering all that was going on around them. Nobody really seemed to give a true shit that Teyla was captured, rather preferring to mince words with Todd the Wraith over whether it was time to finally kill him or not. When it came to Dr. Beckett and all though, considering he was a clone, I can understand their reluctance to trust him and all. While Amanda Tapping did seem a bit too cold and distant in this episode for my liking, it did make sense that out of all characters, Sam would be the most objective about the situation, especially considering she never knew the real Dr. Beckett. Meanwhile, Sheppard was seeing it all from a tactical point of view until the very bitter end when he had to say goodbye to his old friend. And while after Midway, I was hoping for so much more from Ronon, at least the break-away hug he gave to the Scottish doctor was true props in a personal way...

The first part of Kindred was an episode that belonged to Teyla aboard Michael's ship more than anything else. It also was a boring episode, filled with her whining and yammering how she knew Kanaan was communicating with her over thousands of light-years, when really everyone knew it was Michael or some other Wraith from the getgo. What was even more disappointing, was that there was no real payoff for this kind of slow ass set-up of an episode. The Daedalus proved to be as incompetent as an Ori Ship in eliminating or disabling a target, sadly losing a bout to a Wraith cruiser of all pathetic warships. Meanwhile, what was the point of making all these Wraith and human hybrids if the writers are just going to skip the "big bad.. at first" syndrome effect, and make these villains fall for the same kind of nail clipper shit as a modern Jaffa would? I certainly hope Sheppard and co were battling human mercenaries more than anything else, because if they were hybrids, didn't these poor Athosian losers go down in a single hit or some shit like that? WTF?...

From the villain side of things, Michael did end up saving this episode, just like Michael Rosenbaum does on Smallville almost every single fucking week. Whether the half-Wraith was smelling Teyla's hair or laying the smackdown on Kanaan for losing his balls and wanting to free Teyla, Connor Trinneer proves that he is a great actor who really stands out on this show. On the other hand though, I think this episode also proved that it would've been so much more interesting to have had Michael as an ally of the SGA rather than the big bad. Todd with his sense of irony and humour definitely stole the spotlight with the few scenes he had, and I can't help but feel bad for Connor a bit that this kind of role could've easily been his. Still, why mince words when Michael even got to show off his awesome cockiness by standing up the cloned Doctor Beckett? Connor Trinneer provided a wealth of good scenes for a villain, and even though I feel he would've been better as a partial good guy in the end, I don't really have much to complain about. It's always good to see him back, provided we're not talking about the shitty ass episode Vengeance at least...

But the true star of the show was Dr. Beckett, as it's amazing just how much warmth and humanity he brings to the series by just his accent alone. It was strange having him have so many scenes next to Dr. Keller in The Kindred, considering the actor was just so much more emotional and so much more real feeling than Jennifer ever has felt. Then again, I can see just why the producers wanted Jewel Staite on the show, as any man with eyes would. Still, the series just has not been the same since Dr. Beckett stopped complaining about patients or refusing to listen to McKay's advice. It was all the little things that the good doc brought to the fold that have felt so lacking ever since he left. Hell, just the look on his poor face when he realized that not only was his real counterpart blown up in an explosion, but that Dr. Weir had died as well? It was heart-breaking, as the way the actor sold that moment simply felt so damn real. If anything, his slow walk and farewells on the way to the stasis chamber, could very well be the most poignant single scene in the entire fourth season of the show...

And it's not just Carson alone that makes this series feel so much more worth the wait. Beckett also brings out the best in Rodney McKay, as you can just tell how the both of them have bonded as true friends, both as characters and off the set. Rodney was just so broken up whenever he had a heart to heart talk with his old peer, as you could literally see the man's eyes sweltering as he revealed the truth that the SGA was not looking for Carson all along. McKay did and said everything in his power to protect his friend, as he simply did not care if Beckett was a clone or not, he just wanted the best and only true friend he's ever had in his life come back to him. I don't know if Rodney even had a single humourous line in all of The Kindred, but did it really matter when his entire performance was so damn emotional? He had the least amount of lines to say in the farewell speeches to Beckett at the end, simply because he refused to believe that this was truly the end. You could see the pain in his eyes, of not just losing his best friend once but twice. That alone redefines the meaning of "The Kindred" to me, more than Michael and Teyla and that shitty ass Ba'al wannabe ever could off to the side...

I do hope this isn't the last of Dr. Carson Beckett that we see, as all the scenes between him and Dr. Keller proved without a shadow of a doubt that while she's certainly easier on the eyes, Dr. Beckett really was the heart and soul of this goddam series. There's just something about his charm and innocence that simply cannot be replaced, and I really do hope the writers have realized what kind of huge mistake they made in killing him off for whatever reasons they may have had. The Kindred, like many second and third season episodes, was a total piece of shit when objectively evaluated from a plot and story arc point of view. But just like back in the good ol' days when I loved even most of the shittiest ass episodes, Dr. Carson Beckett and Dr. Rodney McKay made every hour feel like it had some sort of importance...

Sorry to steal a line from the latest shitty ass episode of Lost from this past week, but...

Dr. Carson Beckett is my constant...

... and with McKay, all 'shippiness aside?...

... they are the very definition of kindred...

Sunday, February 24th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Stargate Atlantis: Midway Review (Spoilers...) -

Teal'c, in Atlantis? WTF?...

Now sure, he had a token spot early on in the season. But really, Teal'c of all people in Atlantis? Does that make any sense at all?...

Well, both to my surprise and to my own expectations, Christopher Judge's first true trip to Atlantis paid dividends out in fold. Ronon has always felt like too much of a Teal'c clone for my tastes at times, so of course the inevitable debates sprang up over who was the superior fighter in the thick and thin of it all. Naturally then, it was requisite for this episode to feature a "friendly" bout between the both of them. Nobody won the joust however, and too bad we didn't see the full extent of their one hour blood bath either. Either way though? At least one thing was proven to be certain. We now all know that the Teal'c of yesteryear back when he was young with a symbiot would've wiped the floor clean with this emo-ranting Ronon. Confident in that, I really did realize how much I've missed SG-1...

It was good to see Walter and the SGC again. Some things there seem to have changed, as I'm not sure if any of the old sets were disassembled and put back together for this episode or anything, but something sure felt empty in the hallways. It could be that SG-1 was simply nowhere to be found, with Teal'c the only member of the team on the base or anything. Still, how the fuck can I really complain about an episode full of Teal'c and Ronon tag-teaming against endless hordes of Wraith? If anything, this could've been the source material for a very excellent Stargate first person shooter. Now sure, I'll never understand how the Wraith thought that attacking earth itself was a brilliant idea when they haven't even had any success against Atlantis, and considering they now think we're more advanced than even the Replicators. And sure, I'll never get why the hell Teal'c preferred Ronon's energy weapon over the Zat blasts that were rapidly taking out Wraith grunts left and right, but whatever. At least both of them realized that having G36 assault rifles at their disposal certainly has its advantages over either alien weapon at times...

Ronon had his strongest episode of the season since very early on, and I'm not just talking about the strength he showed by kicking a Wraith's ass with a lead pipe. You could tell he was conflicted, seeing a rival of equal power and all showing up right at his doorstep, feeling a bit of hurt in his pride that the SGA had so little faith in him. Of course, I didn't really give a shit about his hidden emo desires or anything. All I did care about, was that he and Teal'c absolutely tore a slew of literal holes in every damn Wraith they met. It was perhaps a little too easy how Ronon got away with passing his IOU exam, but what can you expect after he saved the entire base from being nuked? Midway was certainly a solid episode about bonding between two big-brawned staples of the series. If anything though, despite the show being only one hour, it felt strangely realistic and comforting to see the trust form and develop between Ronon and Teal'c as they gutted away at countless Wraith...

This was the first time Teal'c ever faced the Wraith, right? He sure took them on with character poise and one-eyed ease, which is what I've always loved about the actor. I've missed Christopher Judge, even if he barely had any lines when he was on SG-1. Weirdly enough, here in Midway, he probably said more than he ever did in the whole of the tenth season of SG-1. Not only that, but he finally realized that his catchphrase was, "indeed"? Did he learn nothing after being stuck on an empty ship for fifty damn years, WTF? And poor bastard, after losing fifty-some years of his life to getting his ass kicked by lowly Cam on the Odyssey, Teal'c got a few more years sucked right out of him here by the Wraith. Still, while I do wish the skunk look in his hair has got to go, it was definitely good to see the big fella kicking ass and taking names all over again. He wasn't much of a "teacher" to Ronon as the episode would've led you to believe, but they certainly did feel like kindred comrades in combative arms. And considering I find Midway to be one of the best damn action episodes that Atlantis has ever done, that certainly is a good way for Teal'c to go out if this indeed is the last time we do get to see him...

Actually, what I liked most about Teal'c's visit to Atlantis was that he brought out some of the best in Samantha Carter for the first time since her arrival on the base. Amanda Tapping just hasn't been the same this season, as the writers have shoe-horned her into the corner of taking all of Dr. Weir's old roles and lines. Here though, you could tell that some of her old SG-1 self was back, even if it mostly consisted of just a smile and a head quibble when talking about how she liked it on the base. At the same time, it was sad that while Teal'c claimed that the entire expedition had taken respectfully to her command, the only real commanding she's done in this episode was to break up the fight we wanted to see between Ronon and Teal'c. Oh well, guess you can't win them all, as the writers just don't know what to do with Carter in a commander sort of role. Still, it was nice to see her give a friendly hug to her old friend, and it definitely was a nice gesture for Teal'c to do her such favour in the first place. I don't know, it all just gave me a brisk bask in that old SG-1 glow, that's all...

The rest of the episode outside of the Teal'c and Ronon interactions was decent, but nothing really to write home about. Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay only had token scenes of wiping out Wraith on the Midway station and sucking the air out of Todd's former lieutenant. There really wasn't much to report there, except McKay and his arrogance over his unhackable macro code seemed eerily like he was following in the same mistakes that the overconfident Lantians always did. It was nice to see Dr. Lee and Kavanaugh back, although the poor third pillar of the doctor by their side, we just knew he was a red skirt waiting to happen. And yeah, I guess the scenes on Midway station were a decent filler to sub in some extra time between Teal'c and Ronon action sequences, but none of it felt nearly as exciting as seeing Teal'c rip apart a Wraith neck with his bare hands. I mean really, what else can compare?...

Now, what I want to know is why the fuck the writers decided to blow up the Midway station, and from Dr. Kavanaugh's stupidity no less? I know Teal'c was back and all, but did this episode really have to be written like one of those old SG-1 ones where every time we develop some new technology, something goes wrong and we lose it all? McKay really was overconfident in his coding skills here, especially considering Todd proved himself to be just as competent if not moreso with his coding against the Replicators. It was understandable that the Midway station itself did not have an iris or force field over the Stargates, considering the macro forwards you between so many gates with really no chance to safely input a real GDO code. But c'mon already, why the hell does did McKay and Carter think it was a brilliant idea to lead the macro straight back to earth? Why not send the people from Midway station to the Beta or Gamma sites first, where a proper GDO can be used? Is earth suddenly replacing the Ancients in the universe with all their infinite stupidity? WTF?...

Meh, does it really matter though? We got a kickass episode out of it all, as Midway stands as not only a great action hour but one of the best episodes of the season to date. It was a welcome breath of fresh air after so many horrible second half season shows, and I for one would love a goddam sequel next year. And hell, if the writers never do finish off the Teal'c and Ronon one-on-one fight like we fanboys so often dream, then there's gonna be hell to pay. Or you know, I'd pay to see that fight, give or take a Sheppard style bet...

When I first heard of the synopsis of Midway, I was afraid that it would turn out to be a complete cop-out of trying to raise Atlantis' ratings by bringing in a familiar face. What we got though, was a great episode that reminded me not just of how The Pegasus Project was a great example of how a crossover episode should work...

... but I was also reminded of just how much I've missed SG-1...

... indeed...

Saturday, February 16th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Smallville: Fracture small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

So, we finally got a little inside perspective into Lex's mind, quite literally actually...

There was just one problem though. When it all comes down to it, why the hell did he seem so much more sane in the membrane than I? WTF?...

And why?... well?...

... wait for it...

... ahem...

"Wait, that was it? The worst torture Lex could come up for with Clark, was to watch softcore porn and give us the best, most tolerable Lana Lang scene in God knows how long? How the fuck is that punishment? WTF?"...

Aside from the overly abrupt introduction to this episode, where we catch up with Lex and Lois in Detroit of all shitty ass cities, I didn't mind Fracture for what it was worth. It was a reasonably well thought out episode in terms of giving a little insight into what makes Lex tick. Hell, we even got some good Lionel moments for the first time this season as well. He truly was the bigger man here, trying to redeem how truly spiteful and bastardized he was as an early father to Lex, by admitting how much he cares for his son in the present day. I suppose if I were Lex, Lionel's wish for forgiveness on some level would feel like too little, too late. Still, it doesn't change the fact we got a brilliant scene with "Alexander" painting his figurines, with also the long-awaited return of Lex's mother in the flashback as well...

The main plotline of some noname busboy holding Kara and Lois hostage was something I definitely could've done without. And while it is possible to survive a fucking bullet straight into the brain, the likelihood of making it to a local hospital let alone be flown back to Smallville for one, is minimal at the very best. But I guess the real purpose of this episode was to show us that duality side of Lex, where on one hand he genuinely wants or wanted to be a good guy (like by saving Kara), and on the other hand his obsessions and curiousities kills whatever hope he ever had at being a good man. And if there was any real positive for the guy, it was that thanks to Chloe healing his wounds, does that mean Lex gets a reset on the number of concussions he has left before becoming as dumbass as Clark?...

Michael Rosenbaum once again did a great job, and looked rather badass in white dress shoes as well. He could've definitely been more evil in his mind than he was, as like I mentioned before, the worst thing he did to Clark was strangle him in front of the only scene of Lana Lang I've been able to tolerate all season long. Besides that, he and John Glover had a few amazing moments together, notably their final one when the son simply walks away from the father. Couple that with some decent work by the young actor who played Alexander, and what you have here is a pseudo-sequel to Lexmas that I actually did enjoy for the most part...

Tom Welling didn't do a horrible job in this episode either. He showed genuine concern for both Lois and Kara, and yet wanted to save the good in Lex as well. Where the hell this is going in the season, especially after Clark shut him down when Lex genuinely did want to seem to improve at the start of the year, I guess we will never know. Lex is too far gone now, simply because of how he was mistreated and mistrusted in the past, and no amount of words from the boy scout can change that any longer. Either way, Clark's scenes with little Alexander were surprisingly decent and poignant in how it opened his eyes to his former best friend. And of course, every time I see Clark Kent wince in pain like we always do at any of his scenes with Lana fucking Lang, is quite frankly long due justice after we finally got that naked Lana scene we've been begging for since the bitch actress first opened her mouth...

Well, I think you two readers out there already know what I thought of Lana this episode, but the other gal pals of Lois and Kara weren't horrible themselves. Kara is always nice looking, no matter what she wears on screen, especially when drenched by downpour. Lois was sort of just there, mumbling a few useless words and picking a few pointless locks, so she doesn't really get any brownie points either...

What I was impressed at though, was that we finally got a few decent moments in with Chloe again. She used her powers (with decent CG effects, mind you) to save the man who had kidnapped her a season ago. She never hesitated to save the mind and body of a madman, even before Clark's life was on the line, and that definitely is the making of a true heroine. And the fact that this sacrificial power of hers brings her to the very brink of death, really does show how much heart she has and how very much she is the core foundation of this very series. Allison Mack has been far too underused this season for anyone's liking, but I'm always pleasantly surprised again and again whenever she's given a chance to shine, quite literally here might I add...

Fracture was exactly as the name points out. It had some good points, some boring parts, and none of it really came together on a whole to make it a better than average episode compared to the rest of TV. But compared to the rest of Smallville, it was a fucking godsend, and well written too I should add. The idea of being sucked into the mind of a madman has been done so many times on Sci-Fi before, but somehow seeing Clark and Lex go at it as the friends they once were, reminds me of one of the few scant reasons why I stuck long with this bloody hell show in the fucking first place...

Of course, next week we have the return of Pete in a goddam knock-off of the shitty ass Fantastic Four, so...

... there for you are two of the fucking reasons why I wish I left this show in the fucking first place...

Though still, my mind on the matter is obviously a bit divided, a scant bit splintered...

... maybe a goddam bit fractured...

Sunday, February 10th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Stargate Atlantis: Trio Review (Spoilers...) -

Trio's temporary name during early scripting was "Three's Company", apparently...

... but really... felt more like Three's a Crowd...

... or Dr. Keller threesomes, not like I'd complain much about the latter if it were so...

Trio was perhaps one of the most boring episodes of Stargate I have seen, whether we're dealing with Atlantis or Carter back on SG-1. One of the greatest episodes of the entire series was the first season Solitudes, when it was just Sam and Jack stuck in Antarctica together. The banter there was great, with plenty of references to MacGyver for those who know what goes on behind the scenes. Where the fuck was the clever comedy and writing in this episode?...

The first half hour was simply atrocious, and there's nothing really good that came from it. The best jokes the writers could come up with reminded me of lame high school level writing, whether it was McKay punking out a bunch of wannabe kids or dreaming of Dr. Keller stripping down to her underwear. Well, alright, maybe I was dreaming of the latter as well, but what about all the other weird, awkward moments like Jennifer asking Carter to pick between Brad Pitt and Clooney? I know Jewel Staite is a total gal-pal in real life and all, but didn't they state on the show that her character missed out on so many social events and never had a socialite of a lifestyle? Wasn't this all said in Quarantine, an episode even referenced here in Trio, yet she was obviously so much of a typical girlfriend here even compared to Carter, who despite her military background has actually had her girly moments in the past?...

And WTF is with Jennifer Keller's attempts at being the Atlantis village bicycle? First she whines her way into getting Ronon, and now she "friendly flirts" with McKay over a beer game? First of all, if she missed out on so many social events, how the fuck did she know of the beer game. And second, why the fuck is she flirting with McKay? I know perhaps they're just friends, but I also know from my own first hand experience, geeks like me fall in love with the first girl who bats their eyes at them. Shouldn't she know this with Rodney, if she fucking knows enough to score at the beer game? What the fuck is she doing, hitting on every man in the base, not like I would complain if I was there? Does she fall for every man that gets locked in a room with her, and has a name that starts with the letter "R"? WTF?...

Well, Jewel Staite definitely has the sexy looks of a sorority girl. Why not let her character have the slutty personality of one too? WTF?...

Surprisingly though, this episode did improve slightly when Samantha Carter was essentially out of the picture, and it was just between McKay and Keller after the Colonel broke her leg. Before that point, all we got were boring scenes of McKay failing miserably at grappling hooks and Carter falling not once, not twice, but three times before finally she suffered the requisite heroine injury. Now, I love Amanda Tapping from all her days on SG-1, but aside from her introduction to Atlantis, she's really been off and distant this season. This could've been a wonderful opportunity to have great comedic banter back and forth with David Hewlett, yet we got none of that old skool Grace Under Pressure we saw before, even though that episode was specifically referenced here in this episode. WTF?...

I dunno, maybe I just thought Jewel Staite looked cute as hell with dirt and grime all over her face, but she was really the only true saving grace of this episode. She was a lot more brave and a lot more thoughtful here than she was in either Missing or Quarantine, and she does have a lot more chemistry with Rodney than she ever did with Ronon. It's just weird though, why she would be hitting on McKay here like she was. Some would argue that asking about Katie Brown was more about comforting the scientist as a friend than anything else. But really, the way that Jewel Staite does all her talking with certain men with her eyes? Sounds to me like she just realized her competition was officially gone, and there's no need to just have fucking regular whore sex with Ronon any longer. WTF?...

Now, I'm not saying that Trio didn't have anything but horrible plot and personality ideas in it or anything. Compared to the rest of the season, especially against the Replicators where earth has become officially the most advanced race in the known fucking universe, it was a nice change of pace at times to revert back to makeshift cannons and rappelling down chasms. Some of the ideas in this episode was decent, like stacking crates (even if they were visibly far too rickety to last) or creating beer bridges out of old wood planks. There was definitely some creativity in this episode, but there just wasn't the chemistry between the actors like you'd hope there would be. Just like in Quarantine, where forcing multiple actors together just didn't mesh well, it didn't work well here in Trio either. Hell, the best joke of the episode was probably how Carter was complaining about being stuck in a transporter with Zelenka. Ironic then, that this episode would mock the lack of chemistry between those two actors, while failing to establish any good comedy between the three of them here...

If Trio was a replacement for a budget clip-show episode? Then sure, I'll let it pass. But it's disappointing how since Spoils of War, not only has every episode of Atlantis more or less separated the team into distinct partitions?...

... but every show has pretty much felt creatively bankrupt, with the only saving grace being some pretty female eye candy on the side...

Hey, if Dr. Keller really does want to get drunk from college beer before feeling the wonders of a good bike ride, then I suppose I'm game...

... otherwise, three's really a crowd...

Saturday, February 9th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Smallville: Siren small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Siren had a lot of potential, but just didn't have the sweetness of song to lure me in...

On paper, it seemed like it would be one of the better Smallville episodes, like the introduction of the Green Arrow last year, considering Siren was the return of the same damn character. But it just didn't turn out as well as I had hoped, and why?...

... wait for it...

... ahem...

"Half a fucking episode of pure Clark and Lana angsting? Half a fucking episode? Was this supposed to be the trap of the Siren? Have the writers all lost their fucking minds? WTF?"...

On the bright side, finally we got somewhere in terms of Clark and Lana's goddam relationship. Finally, the gloves came-off and Clark gave some real low-blows to the fucking bitch who wears the pants in the household. It was good to see just how their relationship could suddenly turn so sour, and just exactly why these two sweethearts were never meant to be together. Clark has a destiny that Lana just can't cope with. She fell in love with Bizarro because he's selfish enough to screw over the world in favour of her. Lana is a complete self-indulgent princess of a bitch who needs to be treated on her pedestal to stay goddam silent. Not like I'm saying Clark was right in all the attacks her made on her. It's just that, he finally spewed back some of the bullshit that we viewers out there have been screaming for years...

And if there is any real hope for the series, it was the touching moment that Clark had with Lois in contrast to his earlier scenes with Lana. Lois just couldn't deal with Oliver Queen's double life, how she would always come second place, and here she was crying on the shoulder of a man who's even more dual-faced than the former love of her life. How the fuck she will ever fall in love with Clark Kent as a man, enough so to accept his destiny for the world, I guess we viewers may never know until the series known as Metropolis. But for some odd reason, just like back in season four, you can see chemistry in the way that Clark offered comfort to Lois Lane there. Lana has never been a strong, good woman (although she at least has shown strength in true vindictive fashion), while Lois on the series has always been confident and independent enough to survive on her own. I don't know if Lois can ever truly compete with Chloe for Clark's heart in the audience's mind, but at least we got some indication and reason that the writers aren't complete fuck ups here...

On the dark side of the force though, I had to suffer through half a fucking hour of pure fucking angst for all this? The first half of this episode was nothing more than just Clark and Lana staring at each other like an old married couple that couldn't stand the sight of one another. And while sure, I know that's what the writers wanted, it certainly isn't the kind of shit that I want to waste half a fucking hour on in a day. The series somehow was so much better with Bizarro in the mix. Lana was right, I so would've preferred an actually strong, caring, confident and competent hero on the fucking show than the goddam Clark Kent that we were stuck with in this episode. At least we know that Lana cheating on Clark like the bitch whore that she is, will eventually make Kent turn into the real hero we've always known him to be. We've all known it to be true, that Lana and her sluttiness just slows him down...

And yes, I was disappointed at not only the return of Oliver Queen but also the guest star role of the Black Canary. I do admit, that I didn't know anything about the latter before this episode except her powers from the DC Comics, and shamefully I just didn't find any interest in her character like I did for The Flash or even Cyborg before. She was decent looking with that black haired wig on, but as a short-haired martial artist on rooftops, she just didn't meet my expectations. Sure, she hit it off decently with Oliver Queen right off the bat, but besides making Clark's ears bleed, she did nothing special or noteworthy on the show. And besides, it's not like her attack on Clark was anything unique. Lana Lang has been doing the same with her goddam bitchiness to us viewers since God knows when...

It was good to get some scenes in with Oliver again though, considering I rather enjoyed his moments last season. And he had a few good ones here, namely when tied up and owning up to his identity when it came to Lois Lane, and there was a pretty good CG fight at the end against Lex Luthor as well. Now, I will never fucking understand how the fuck a knife thrown could move just as fast as a goddam bullet from Clark's point of view, but who am I to argue against such DC science? Either way, the one saving grace of this episode were the bunch of bullets fired from the hand to hand combat at the end. At least there, Smallville once again did feel like a super hero story, and I guess we have the return of the Green Arrow to thank once again for that...

I dunno though, maybe I was just disappointed in Oliver for overshadowing Chloe like he did? Here she was relegated to Lipton's sidekick status all over again, playing around with the easiest fucking hacking tools I have ever seen in my life. She didn't do anything but whine and grate about how useless she is, which is ironic considering I guess I'm doing the same. She never even got to talk with Lois about the return of Oliver or any of her feelings, why is that? Even Lionel Luthor got some quality time with Lana throughout the episode, so why didn't the writers bother to give Chloe a chance at a stern lecture to her so-called best friend?...

Aside from the final battle, I just couldn't enjoy Siren. The name itself brings up wondrous images of beautiful women singing seductive songs, but all we got instead was the ugly man-eating side shown once they finally lure their prey in...

Siren may have meant to be a title for the Black Canary, but its meaning was far more true for Lana fucking Lang than anyone else...

Rumour has it, that the WGA writers' strike may finally be over. Normally, I'd imagine that would be a good thing...

But for Smallville? It's a red fucking siren...

Sunday, February 3rd, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Stargate Atlantis: Outcast Review (Spoilers...) -

Lately, Stargate Atlantis has been having a lot of generic and meaningless titles for their episodes, Shakespeare non-withstanding...

For this week though, Outcast for me seems to ring true somehow. If only because the one true weakness of the show as of late, has been the simple fact that the core team element that has always defined Stargate as a series, has been completely missing in action for the past two weeks...

Most of the time, I abhor episodes like Outcast for destroying the team dynamic and relegating the show to just one or two principle characters. Here, we had Rodney McKay with essentially just a throw-away scene, preventing this episode from having any of the traditional comedy and banter that made Atlantis into the hit that it is. Teyla was off having her fling of an affair with Lt. Ford in the meanwhile, and what the fuck was up with the writers and their ten second use of Amanda Tapping? Please tell me that this does not count as one of her thirteen episodes on the goddam season. WTF?...

I do feel that after Be All My Sins Remember'd, after the Replicator war storyline was all wrapped up with a pretty little bow in just one television hour, that Stargate Atlantis as a series has been floating around and struggling for a new identity and focus. There is no real big bad on the show now that the Wraith and Replicators have essentially both been dealt death blows to due to our technological advancements and universally-best tactics. There is no real impending threat on the show, which is why the last few weeks of Atlantis have felt barren and almost too low-budget-concerned to be considered amongst even the decent episodes of the first half of season four...

I sound really harsh here, and in many ways I am, considering I didn't like what the writers did here in Outcast when it came to Ronon and Sheppard either. Ronon had barely anything to do but flex his muscles and stupidly try to take on a Replicator with his bare hands. Obviously, he failed miserably, and thanks to his smugness earlier on in the episode, didn't even manage to get a single good shot on the target. It was great and all that Ronon just showed up by Sheppard's side and went with him to John's father's funeral, no questions asked. But one tiny spur of the moment comaraderie does not make for a great character episode. And I'm saying this not just for Ronon, but for Sheppard as well...

Joe Flanigan did put up a decent performance here in Outcast, but without any real humour or comic relief aside from maybe Dr. Lee at times, Outcast did feel like a flat episode despite the insight into John's personal life. We got a brother here with a passing resemblance at best, when really would it have killed the producers to try to sway Matthew Fox into taking a vacation from Hawaii for one day of the week? We got no real emotional resonance from neither his interactions with his brother nor how he dealt with the death of his father. It was interesting to see that Sheppard came from a rich family where "Stanford instead of Harvard" was seen as teenage rebellion, but it was also a character development that I think a lot of us viewers saw coming a long time ago from way back in his early MENSA days. John has always been the type to run away from serious commitments, until he met his new family and friends at Stargate Atlantis that is. It was supposed to be a touching moment when he met with his brother at the end to deal with issues, just like Jacob Carter did with his son back in SG-1, but there just wasn't enough character background in the past about Sheppard and his family for a guy like me to care...

Surprisingly though, I did find some of his scenes with Nancy, his ex-wife, to be meaningful in the end. It's always great to see Kari Wuhrer back, whether she's bending over backwards to try to keep Sliders on the air or bending her top down in whatever ways she can imagine in Red Alert 2. I was shocked that she put in a decent performance here, and still looked nice to boot. Her conversation with Sheppard first on the park bench and later continued in the car actually had some meaning to it, about what it feels like to keep secrets from those you care most about. John was never really the type to give a damn in the past, but he certainly did seem like he was affected by his secrecy now. And I don't know why, but I thought the whole discussion was really well executed, about how quickly walls were put up over what John Sheppard does in the military. Maybe I've just had a Kari Wuhrer crush all my life, but she and Joe Flanigan certainly did have quite a bit of chemistry for an ex-husband and wife...

And believe me, there were many positives to talk about in Outcast. For one, Dr. Lee made a return as an intelligent scientist, not as an idiot (although I'm still awaiting the day that we see Felger and Phlox back in action). Second, although his role was written as if it was meant for Agent Barrett, it was good to see Sergeant Bates back. It's embarrassing that he got his ass kicked and name taken by some sixty year old fatass, but hey, maybe that's why he was honourably discharged from the military in the first place...

And yes, I did like the Replicator storyline for what it was worth. The sound and visual effects of shotguns ripping the poor Replicator man to shreds was actually very cool, especially during this age of the Rivernator and my renewed interest in Terminator. Hell, Dr. Lee even made a passing mention to the T-1000, and the music playing during the chase scenes here in Outcast definitely pointed out that the writers had T2 and stuff in mind when they wrote this character. It was a great idea to beam the poor bastard up into low earth orbit to take him out, although I would've preferred a slow melting death in a pool of molten steel of course. I for one found the battle scenes to be exciting in Outcast, but I just wish there was more substance to speak of in the rest of the episode to balance things out...

Actually, if there was any real balance to this episode, what struck a chord in me was just how human-like Ava Dixon really was. Isn't it strange that nobody ever mentioned that humanity may have created the perfect artificial being in Ava Dixon? She was far more convincing in her human personality than any Replicator ever made before by the Ancients or Asgard, and she even had the cutest of moles on her face to accentuate her human nature. She was completely sentient, yet she chose to put the good of humanity and faith in friendships with her peers over her own self-preservation. She wasn't just a machine with a proper personality, but also perfectly emulated a good human being. Not only that, but hot damn, how the fuck did the fat bastard program in such good fashion sense into a robot as well? If she knew both science and martial arts, is it possible she was also programmed with the knowledge of the karma sutra as well? Because, err... the perfect woman?... maybe...

I did like the Replicator-side of the story here in Outcast. But I guess it's also sad in a sense, that I preferred the personalities and backgrounds of artificial beings here more than I did the actual stars of the show in this episode...

In a sense then, I guess I do know who the true outcasts have become...

... I just hope the writers refind their team and focus back soon...

Friday, February 1st, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - IvanF's Noname Video Game Award Ceremony 2007 -

Well... better late than never, I think...

It may be a month late, but I finally have my video gaming awards ready for the year of 2007. The thing is, the delay hasn't been because of a lack of time, but sadly more from my complete lack of interest and effort in writing this noname update of mine. 2007 was meant to be one of the biggest years in the history of gaming, and it was for a lot of people out there, both entertainment and revenue wise. Games like Super Mario Galaxy, Guitar Hero 3, Call of Duty 4: Modern Combat, and Halo 3 absolutely sold shit-loads this holiday season...

Hell, even lesser known titles like Mass Effect for the Xbox 360, the Half Life 2 Orange Box, and Mario and Sonic at the Olympics (really? God...) managed to hold their own. Title wise, there was just so much supposed quality, with games like Bioshock and The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass following up the pack. The only real bombs in terms of sales this year came on the PS3 alone, where games like Ratchet and Clank and Uncharted ended up becoming relatively 'uncharted' on the goddam NPD listings...

Console sales wise, the Nintendo Wii was a beast all year long. Line-ups for the console were seen at every Wal-mart and Target and Best Buy in America, whether it was the month of March or the Christmas season of Black Friday. It wasn't just the US that went stir-Wii-crazy, as the Nintendo Wii has become nearly as much of a success in Japan as the Nintendo DS, and the Wii has also become the first ever Nintendo console (in a very long time) to win over Europe's heart for first place sales wise...

In December, according to the US NPD, the Wii sold about 1.3 million consoles which is pretty damn impressive, but somehow feels underachieving considering the demand for the system out there, and the fact that the DS sold around 2.5 million systems in the same damn month. The Xbox 360 also looked very impressive, selling 1.1 million consoles in that single month at a much higher price point than the Nintendo Wii was. The thing with the Xbox 360 though, was that year-on-year growth from last Christmas just wasn't that impressive, as one should've been able to assume that the benefit of having both Halo 3 and Call of Duty 4 on the same system that sold 900K last December, should've gotten a much bigger jump with all things considered this year...

Meanwhile, Sony is just lucky that dumbass parents out there are still buying the PS2 for their little kids thanks to its price point alone, considering the PSP seems to be selling only on media functions and piracy, and the PS3 pretty much remains as uncharted as its headline title. About 750K PS3's were sold in December, which isn't half bad, except that is about half of what the goddam Nintendo Wii sold in the same month alone. This was all after a huge marketing campaign spent and a huge price drop for the system. Now rumours are swirling that Sony is about to release a PS3 slim to counter the Wii this year, and the current mock-up's even look like a PS3 symbol slapped onto the side of a Wii. Right now, Sony is still staying afloat thanks to the sad fact that the PS2 never stops selling (1 million of those things sold in December, and the system is still not $99? WTF?), although I do admit, the fact that Blu-Ray has essentially won the HD-Movies war should help the PS3 in some respects this coming year...

The thing is, as interested as I still am in the business aspect (or "Sales-Age", if you know what I mean...) of the video gaming industry, I sadly have to admit that 2007 was one of the years where I had the least amount of time and interest in actually playing the damn games I kept researching about. Thanks to having a job that actually does pay my non-existent bills every month, my gaming collection has never been larger, especially after being one of those idiots who did pick up a PS2 on sale and then ended up collecting pretty much a hundred rare games for it over-fucking-night (not like I'd play any of them too, mind you). Having hordes of games at my disposal doesn't help me from not getting bored of all the titles that I was once so hyped for when the first screenshots and bullshots were released...

There were just so few games I finished this past year, for better or for worse. And that's why despite not writing a single video gaming review all year long, I thought it was only deserving to still have my IvanFian Video Gaming Awards for 2007...

... ahem...

Best Game of the Year - Super Mario Galaxy (Nintendo Wii)
Runners-up: 1 - Halo 3 (Xbox 360), 2 - Metroid Prime 3: Corruption (Nintendo Wii)

I think most open-minded gamers and gaming publications will gladly admit that Super Mario Galaxy was the best game released on any system this past year. There were plenty of other contenders, and I know a few out there who felt that Call of Duty 4: Modern Combat, Bioshock or even Mass Effect were the best games ever made in history or some shit like that. But none of those above titles can compare to the sheer amount of fun and innocent enjoyment you get from Super Mario Galaxy. Despite the horrible graphics at times thanks to the Wii's 480p dithered resolutions, it doesn't change the fact that words cannot explain the wide-eyed kind of bewilderment and imagination that was put into this kind of game...

Super Mario Galaxy is one of those pick up and play titles that you can't help smiling at. Is there really any other way to put it? Every time you shake your controller to spin into the stratosphere, or every time my little cousin comes over and picks up the second controller to be my guiding pointer, I smile a little bit more within. This truly is a game for all ages throughout the eons. Now certainly, Super Mario Galaxy does have its fair share of flaws, mainly still that despite the innovation of having tiny little planetoids with black-holes randomly situated by their sides, I did feel that certain parts of this game were retreads of Super Mario 64 and Super Mario Sunshine...

In fact, I'd still put the whole of the former above SMG, and some of the more challenging platform stages of the latter over Galaxy. But the fact remains, that while SM64 wowed me back in the day, Super Mario Galaxy is still the better overall game, and it's amazing how Nintendo and Miyamoto were able to make so many things in its universe feel so new and fresh. There's simply no denying that Super Mario Galaxy was a labour of love, whether you're floating around as a Boo or trying desperately to unlock Luigi. It's been said that if you don't fall in love with this game, you have no soul. And after hearing the classic Super Mario Bros music theme to the sound of anti-gravity, who am I to argue?...

...

Halo 3 was both a great game and a disappointing title in its own right. On the one hand, I thought the single player experience was completely lacking, pretty much as it was for Halo 2 as well. With the Elites no longer enemies, Bungie had their hands tied in how to make the Brutes into an interesting set of baddies. While I admit they did a decent job, some parts of the game left me scratching my head at just what the fuck were they thinking. Take the second stage for instance, where you encounter about ten fucking boring brutes when locked in a goddam steel cage of a room. The entire battle through, I just did my best to bait and draw and melee the fuck out of their brains. I used no real strategy besides that all game long, and I never saw the kind of brilliant AI I used to know back from Halo 1. I realize the first Halo is now outdated by today's standards, but I still saw more random behaviour and more human like actions from the Elites on my last playthrough than I ever did in Halo 3. Couldn't they have just copied and pasted the same goddam code already? WTF?...

Halo 3 though, while horribly disappointing as a short single player experience, really does shine in terms of multiplayer and co-op. Thank God Bungie came to their senses and gave us players the ability to respawn on legendary difficulty again, otherwise I never would've been challenged on Heroic. There were certainly frustrating parts of this game, namely the idiotic decision to give the Flood regenerating snipers with unlimited fucking ammo (WTF?), but it was certainly helped by the run and gun nature of having a friend or brother kicking ass and taking names by your side. Co-op mode has always been the main benefit of every Halo game, and if it wasn't improved here in Halo 3 over the previous titles, then this game really would've been nothing but a disappointment. Stages like Cortana were just brutal in how "Library"-esque their repetitive and backtracking nature truly was. With a friend though, bunting me in the side of the head just to get more fucking ammo, not only could I deal with it all, but I had a lot of fucking fun taking out those goddam Scarabs as well...

The graphics in Halo 3 were beautiful, to say the least. I still use it as my main benchmark for my Sharp Aquos 1080p, simply thanks to all its vibrant colours. And I did like quite a few additions to the game, namely the return of the Assault Rifle and the introduction of quite a few new vehicles. Halo 3 was definitely nothing ground-breaking, as almost everything in the game felt like a retread of previous titles. But still, I thank Bungie for trying to return back the original title's roots like they did. The melee and plasma grenade attacks that I loved so much in the first Halo but were neutered in the second, now had returned with a lot more game balance than they had before. And really, can I ever hate a game, no matter how disappointing, that has music as soothing and badass as Halo does? I can listen to it all fucking day, and sadly through YouTube VGL videos, I think I have...

...

There were many other titles that were technically runners-up for Best Game of the Year 2007. The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn, and even lesser known DS titles like Hotel Dusk and Phoenix Wright: Trials and Tribulations all turned out to be great pieces of software that I enjoyed this past year. But out of all the games I've played, I just have to give the final nod to Nintendo's and Retro's Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. Out of all Metroid Prime games, it was disappointing at first for its lack of challenge and depth, but can I ever really stay mad at a game with controls that were this fucking amazing and out of this world?...

I know some gamers have claimed that Medal of Honor Heroes 2 did it all better, but since I haven't tried that title yet, I've got to give the nod for best FPS controls to Metroid Prime 3. At first, of course I wasn't used to the floating and whirling feeling of using the Wii pointer to aim and turn around at the same time. Over the course of an hour though, and finally after I got past that horrible, Halo-wannabe introduction to the game, I fell in love with the controls as if they were my own second nature. Is the Wiimote as precise as a laser mouse and keyboard on a PC? No, and probably never will be, but the difference is actually quite minimal once you get the hang of things. And most importantly, the Wiimote is just plain fucking fun. Whether I was sniping evil allies down with my charge beam or welding busted circuits back together with some fine-tuned plasma, the controls just fucking kicked ass and clicked with me in Metroid Prime 3 in a way that no mouse ever has, and in a way that no dual-analog first person shooter has ever accomplished save for maybe the first fucking Halo...

Besides that, Metroid Prime 3 epitomized both the best and the worst of the trilogy. On the one hand, I liked how the game was easy to get into for beginners, with very little forced back-tracking and some amazing graphics in Sky Town to boot. I loved the return of most of the gifts and gizmos of the past such as the screw-attack, and I thank Retro Studios from the bottom of my heart for finally including the double-jump right from the get-go. On the other hand though, Metroid Prime 3 felt a bit disappointing from a long time Metroid fan. While I feel fortunate it was not as frustratingly difficult or mind-numbing as Echoes was, I felt that Metroid Prime 3 was just a bit too linear and a bit too FPS-feeling compared to the First Person Adventure sense I got from the first Metroid Prime...

Still, this was all a minor complaint to me, considering MP3: Corruption was one of the few games I finished all the way through in 2007. I couldn't put it down for a second, and I still wouldn't mind giving it a second go-around one of these days. And the same goes for Super Mario Galaxy and Halo 3 as well, which is why they all are my favourites games of the past year...

Most Surprisingly Good Game - Hotel Dusk (Nintendo DS)
Runners-up: 1 - Earth Defense Force 2017 (Xbox 360), 2 - Ghost Squad (Nintendo Wii)

Every year, there are a few gems that I never see coming, and Hotel Dusk was definitely the brightest of them all for me. When I picked up that game, I thought I was just collecting a title that would turn out to be rare, much like Etrian Odyssey and Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney before it. What I got though, was a game I hated my first play-through, but somehow fell absolutely in love with the characters and the story-telling the second time through. What was it that compelled me to go through what was essentially an interactive novel twice? Was it just my old skool nostalgia for old point and click titles on the PC like Maniac Mansion and Day of the Tentacle that I played back in the day? Or was it simply because the writing was so superb (for a video game, not a top notch novel), enough so that I could hear distinct voices in my head for every single character in the game? Either way though, I've been hearing voices in my head telling me to live through the story yet a third time one of these days. But for now, I think I'll hold off for a sequel where the star attractive attraction is of actual legal age...

Now, I've gone cheap this year by not offering Best Story or Best Multiplayer Game awards, which Hotel Dusk and Earth Defense Force 2017 would have won respectively. But either way, I thought I'd give EDF 2017 its due respects and desserts, considering along with Halo 3, it was absolutely the game most played at every family gathering and party that I went to. Something just never gets boring about going through co-op mode, unlocking hundreds of boundless weapons against endless hordes of giant insects and towering robots. There's absolutely the kind of ID4 sort of feeling to EDF, and I still chant with the poor saps of virtual soldiers every time their yell out those very same initials. There's no explaining why Earth Defense Force 2017 turned out to be so addictive and so fucking fun for what entirely amounts to a budget, B-rated title from Japan. It's the same kind of love though that movie watchers have for Godzilla, and the same kind of bond I used to form as a gamer with old skool SNES shoot'em-ups. The allure of EDF is simply inexplicable, except by just picking up a controller and blowing buildings and shit up. What else can I say about this game? For twenty fucking bucks, every Xbox 360 owner should have a copy for a rainy day...

On the Nintendo Wii side of things though, if you've still got twenty bucks lying around, then find Ghost Squad for dirt cheap wherever you can find it. I used to be such a fan of light gun games back on the NES and Sega Dreamcast, as I still remember fondly Duck Hunt and House of the Dead and Confidential Mission. Ghost Squad may not use a light gun, but it certainly is "light fun" (ha?) when it comes to almost perfectly emulating the feel of a weapon using the Wiimote pointer. It's the most simple pick up and play game I have seen in years, as literally anyone from any age can pick up the Wii controller and have a blast in this four player party game. The only true downfall is that there are only three stages to go through, but each of those has enough replay value thanks to the sheer stupidity of the plotline or whatever, that I don't think anyone who actually tried this game got bored. Light gun games have been a dying breed for a long time, but with House of the Dead Collection coming up and I still need to pick up Umbrella Chronicles one of these days, I just hope this budget title of Ghost Squad turns out to the first of the return to what I very much consider the glory days of gaming...

Most Disappointing Game - Bioshock (Xbox 360)
Runners-up: 1 - Halo 3 (Xbox 360), 2 - Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn (Nintendo Wii)

Bioshit. Is there really anything else I can call this game? It was hyped up to death by online fans and Xbox 360 fanatics, and it turned out to be nothing more than a repetitive, unfinished, completely unpolished mess. It started off with an interesting premise, of Big Daddy's and Blue Whales and masterful water graphics and physics galore. What I got though, felt like a poor man's clone of Doom fucking 3, which is sad in itself to say the least. None of the weapons in Bioshock felt decent to me, as the only truly effective weapon was the goddam wrench. I mean seriously, WTF is this, Half Life 1.5 then? I ran around out of boredom, smashing every nut in the head I could find with this crowbar thingy. And eventually, when a Big Daddy would kick my ass, I would just respawn with this unlimited ammo melee weapon and go harp on his already damaged ass some more. Bioshock was full of broken game mechanics, and the pathetically stupid last boss was just the final example of that...

Some gamers claimed that Bioshock had one of the most fulfilling, eye-opening plotlines they've ever experienced. To them I say, WTF? Even Smallville has more depth and morals and virtues. WHAT THE FUCK?...

Hate-This-Shit-Lo 3. Well, that's only partially true. Like I stated before in my Best Game of the Year section, Halo 3 was a fun but flawed experience in multiplayer. The thing is though, the title was nothing more than just goddam frustrating in single-player. Whether we were dealing with endless amounts of regenerating, Flood snipers or still dealing with all those goddam annoying Covenant snipers that pissed me to hell in Halo 2, there just wasn't much of anything actually entertaining in the single-gameplay itself. The reintroduction of the Assault Riffle was a nice touch, but outside of co-op, I almost always ran out of ammo for it right away on Heroic difficulty, so it was like the gun never returned for me in the first place. Fighting the Scarabs and everything was epicly neat, but thanks to some shitty ass checkpoint saves here and there, I can't believe how frustrating of an experience Halo 3 turned out to be. It was a world of improvement over Halo 2, but aside from some minor tweaks to turning speeds and combat physics, I would still take the original title over Halo 3 pretty much any day of the week. Strange how after the entire trilogy has played out, that this is how it would all turn out...

Fire Emblem: Radiant Shit. Well, that's not really true. I'm finishing up Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn for the Nintendo Wii right about now, and it shows something that I'm almost finished a 10 to 12 hour game in this day and age. I do love my Fire Emblem formula, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm already getting tired of the series after the Gamecube stellar title and the two FE's on the Game Boy Advance. Sure, I'm still highly anticipating the upcoming DS version, but that's partially because of how much more Fire Emblem-like that title will hopefully be. What's disappointing about Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn, is that besides the poor plotline thanks to this being a direct sequel to Gamecube title, none of the characters really get time and development to shine. The chapters jump all over the place, and you never really feel like you can concentrate and build up your favourite characters like you could with Ike and co before. Not only that, but Nintendo simplified the support system, so much so that all the interactions between characters that fans loved on the GBA was nowhere to be seen here. I still love the Fire Emblem series with all my heart, but I just felt like Radiant Dawn was a mailed-in sequel to one of my favourite turn-based strategy games ever made...

Fire Emblem and Halo 3 are both great experiences to me in their own rights. I just can't help but be disappointed in both though, in the sense that neither lived up to my grand experiences from their prequels...

But Bioshock? Considering I never ever even played the System Shock series? WTF then is its excuse?...

...

2007 was supposedly a great year for gaming, but it just didn't feel that way for me. Like I stated before, I bought a ton of rare PS2 games (eg: the Growlanser series, the Shin Tensei Megami series, the shitty ass Ico games, etc...) and I've been catching up on some PC games as well (the only main Bioware title I'm now missing is Planescape Torment, for example). Hell, I've ever been rounding out my Gamecube collection with titles such as Ikaruga, Alien Hominid, Chibi-Robo, and I even finally picked up Beyond Good and Evil for the system like I should've done so fucking long ago...

But when it comes down to playing the actual games themselves? Aside from Super Mario Galaxy, Halo 3, Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn, Hotel Dusk and Phoenix Wright: Trials and Tribulations? Those were essentially the only games I've completed that I actually goddam enjoyed. Everything else felt like a chore, and everything else felt like the complete polar opposite of how a game should make a tired, old skool gamer feel. And yes, sadly and somehow, that also includes my beloved Zelda: Phantom Hourglass. Whether games have become too epic like Metal Gear Solid 4, or have simply because too neutered and watered down for the masses like most Wii shovelware turns out to be, I don't know why I feel so blunt and burnt out with gaming. Maybe I'm just geting too old for this shit, I really don't know...

I admit though, there are still a few titles from 2007 I have yet to pick up and explore. The Half Life 2 Orange Box, Mass Effect, Medal of Honor Heroes 2, and technically even Rock Band and Guitar Hero 3 (since I bought the latter for my brother-in-law, not myself). But with 2008 already shaping up to be interesting as hell, with Nintendo showing signs of their continued domination through Mario Kart Wii, WiiFit and especially Super Smash Bros Brawl, I don't know how much I'll get back into the so-called great gaming legends of 2007. I'm hoping for some great DS games on the horizon, as I've already picked up Advance Wars: Day of Ruin. But really, in all honesty, I've still had no interest to open up that title yet, and I can foresee that I will have the same feeling of apathy towards a lot of supposedly great titles coming this summer and fall...

Still, I love video games. Perhaps I love the memory of them more than I do the modern industry, but I still have a place in my heart for Nintendo and Sega and even goddam Microsoft, basically everyone but fucking Sony...

And it all sounds like so much goddam fun, now doesn't it?...

... well, that's what games were always meant to be...

... and hopefully, that's the way they'll forever stay...

Thursday, January 31st, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Smallville: Persona small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

The last time we saw this Bizarro Clark, he was the epitome of a perfect hero and man. WTF happened to him?...

Because now? Brainiac, I guess was right. Bizarro Clark fell to the same damn kryptonite as the real Kent, and it sure as hell wasn't blue...

And why? Well?...

... wait for it...

... ahem...

"My fucking God, does Lana Lang really make everyone around her into a whiny, incompetent ass? WTF do they see in her? WTF?"...

Bizarro Clark fell in love with Lana, that was just plain sad. What ever happened to the Phantom being some badass creature from hell? Instead, it turns out he has the same damn faults as Clark Kent does, as they both fell for the worst bitch on earth, and they both fell under the supreme intelligence of the Brain Interactive Construct or whatever sort of crap. I expected Bizarro to be some sort of supervillain, and yet he turned out to be nothing but a pussy of a patsy. Are we viewers supposed to become enraged and then feel pathos for Lana and Clark, after fucking Lang sucked the balls right off of Bizarro over the past two weeks? If anything, Bizarro Clark had it right, Lana was always meant for him. Problem is, she didn't suffer the same fucking fate with the blue kryptonite as her goddam lover did. Where's Romeo and Juliet: The New Adventures of Superman when you need them? If only that had happened, maybe it would've been a nice ending to a romantic comedy afterall?...

The best part of Persona was the return of Brainiac, who managed to outsmart both Clarks, not like that means very much. I did feel bad for the Kryptonian guy with a family on earth, but at the same time, his sacrifice made Brainiac feel more like a true villain in the series than anything else. I would love to have Milton Fine back on the show for the rest of its shortened season, but it doesn't look like that will be the case. He didn't fool me with his whole shape-shifting thing, but I must admit that compared to what the writers normally cook up on the series, Brainiac did impress me with his wits and cleverness. He was the best villain that the series has ever known, and it's a shame that we may never see him again before the potential end of the series. If only he could've sucked the metals and whatever negative intelligence Lana Lang had out of her concussion-ridden brain, then maybe we could've had that heart-swooning ending to the story afterall?...

Chloe was basically useless in this episode, about as much as Clark Kent normally is. But Allison Mack at least played her small role to perfection, showing true concern for her friends and being intelligent enough to notice when Clark was being competent and somehow goddam romantic. At least she knew something was off, which is more than I can say for that whore Lana Lang, who obviously was with Clark for his body rather than his goddam charming personality. If anything, Persona definitely did feel a lot like an old skool Smallville episode, although I admit it was done well enough to pass off as a fourth of fifth season show. The thing is, once again you had Chloe playing the hero through her smarts, hiding the Kryptonian beacon before Bizarro could suspect anything was wrong. Meanwhile, you had Lana Lang being a bitch and slutting it up, probably wishing that she hadn't gotten her new boy toy to blow his load all over blue Kryptonite chunks...

Meanwhile, we had the little B-side-story of human cloning with Julian and Lionel Luthor finally getting to know one another. It was obvious right from the get-go that Lex would not allow his new baby brother to survive another day. The thing is, as pathetic of an actor that was playing Gabriel Gray truly was, and no matter how cheesy of a plotline it was to have your own cloned brother, I actually enjoyed this half of the episode simply thanks to the acting of John Glover and Michael Rosenbaum. It's like a broken record over the years, how these two actors provide all of the greatest moments in the history of the show, and it still holds true to this day. Whether Lex was being emo as hell while dancing in the rain, or Lionel was laying it out to his son about Lex being the one he lost, I actually enjoyed the father and son brainy interaction between the both of them. Now, if only Lex had ordered a hit on his father and then cloned his own mother to fuck her as well, then we could've had a lovely Oedipal ending to this whole romantic threesome like an episode like this truly deserves...

Truth be told, I did enjoy Persona for what it was worth. Unfortunately, what dragged it down most was that Tom Welling just can't fake a proper personality for long periods of time on screen. Bizarro Clark actually acted like a mature human being in the last episode, but failed at everything but wooing the brain-dead Lana Lang here in this hour. Meanwhile, what was the point of Jor'El holding Clark hostage in the fortress for weeks at a time? And what the fuck was Chloe claiming, that the real Clark Kent has a memory like an elephant? An elephant with brain cancer, maybe, because what the fuck was she smoking? Tom Welling played the role of two clueless men from Mars in this episode, which was a severe disappointment over last week's treatment.  Now, if he can ever just dump Lana Lang and get it on with Chloe like every viewer wishes could happen, then maybe this show will have the fucking decent ending that we've all hoped it would have...

Because the age old story, of Clark Kent suffering from the Kryptonite known only as Lana Lang, has gotten real old over the past seven years. It's time to move on with the story, it's time to move on with the mythos, and it's definitely time for Clark Kent to move on from the goddam whore of a bitch...

Persona was a decent enough episode to watch, mainly from the return of Brainiac and the amazing son and father dynamic between Lex and Lionel. But with two bloody hell Clark Kents at the goddam helm, and no sightings of Kara to put my mind and other body parts at ease?...

And with the goddam ending consisting of even more melodramatic bullshit between Clark and Lana to the sound of emo music?...

... well, with only a few episodes leftover in this shortened season?...

... I'm just hoping for the best from Smallville...

[c. visitors too bored to return...]
... best viewed in Internet Explorer 4 at 800 x 600 resolution, because that's what I still run at ...