IvanF's IVT No-Name Brand Website (February 2009: Television, Movie and Video Gaming Reviews)

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Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Infamous small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

With Lana Lang gone for good, I thought that Smallville would finally get back on track...

... but perhaps due to the infamous bitter Lana Lang aftertaste, obviously I was wrong...

"Clark Kent spends eight years going through hell to keep his secret identity... yet one conversation later, he's living like a rock star? WTF?"

Now granted, I do get the point of this episode. Infamous was meant to prove exactly why Clark needs a secret identity, as the "Red-Blur Blur" seems to have provided on this Smallville series so far. But did we really need such a ridiculous plot here in Infamous for Clark to realize exactly what Oliver Queen and the entire Justice League already discovered so long ago, and what Clark himself has been saying for eight frickin' seasons by now? Public opinion is so often based on fear, and he's mentioned that practically every single week that he's tried to cover up his goddam identity. Yet one little conversational threat from Linda Lake is all it takes for him to fully go public and allow his farm to get shot full of bullet-holes that he himself could have caught with his hands if he wasn't so lazy? What kind of idiot is he? And where the hell was Martha Kent to bitchslap his boy back down to earth? WTF?...

Now sure, there were moments that I did like about Infamous, but most of them belonged to the Lois Lane and Clark dynamic that may soon disappear if the cafe stand-up at the end was any indication. Probably one of the most iconic scenes in the season came when Lois was lifted high into the air by Clark and remarked that she shouldn't call him "Smallville" anymore. After that, there were a lot of scenes shared between the both of them that hopefully will make me forever forget the bitter aftertaste of that goddam Chun-Li wannabe of a Lana Lang. The problem was, the rest of the episode featuring Clark at his absolute dumbest was simply too much for me to goddam handle. Why couldn't he trust Lois with his secret after time was reversed again? Is it because he thought she would oust his secret identity? Because I personally didn't get that impression much myself. Yes, she wants the world to know who he is, and yes she wanted him to stand up for what is right. But I seriously doubt that she would go behind his back and against his wishes to expose his identity if he ever did come out to her again, and obviously both of them felt the emotional positives of at least letting her in on his goddam secret. So why exactly did he stand her up at the end? WTF?...

Chloe was barely in the episode, but Allison Mack can make almost any scene salvageable with simply her smile. I wish she had actually put up a more convincing argument against Clark coming out to the public media than she did, but at least she looked cute as hell while doing so. The series has definitely leaned more towards the Lois and Clark dynamic this season than anything else, and that's a good thing as far as I'm concerned. Chloe meanwhile keeps drifting deeper and deeper into the dark side of the force, first with the Brainiac stuff and now with Davis Bloome. I'm curious what will happen to her character next, although considering how Clark was apparently in too much of a rush to time travel to even wait five fucking seconds to figure out Doomsday's identity, I'm sure that Chloe's days are numbered now that she's not the number one pal in Superman's life anymore...

Infamous had a lot of potential, and it even 'shocked' me at one point when I thought Clark had committed murder near the end to protect his name. Of course, conveniently as has happened a billion times in the past, the person threatening to expose the boy wonder's secret is always killed right afterwards by some random plot contrivance, in this case Davis Bloome. I'm sorry, along with this happy coincidence, I just couldn't take an episode seriously where Clark Kent was too dumb to realize the consequences of his identity being exposed, especially after all he's been through for the past eight fucking years. I couldn't take how the writers' cock-blocked the Lois and Clark dynamic all over again, simply because he's too stupid to trust her with his secret, even though I thought she proved that she'd be loyal to him to the end. And even though I'm not against reset buttons or anything, having the time travel ring from the future as an escape hatch was kind of bitterly grating. Felt like lazy writing more than anything else, if only because there were a lot more advantages to that ring than just smashing it after one bad choice...

Now I'm sure Infamous will go down in history as being very important to the birth of Superman, and that's a good thing...

... but when it comes to the actual episode itself? I wish my own memory could be goddam reset...

Y2kk Update: - Battlestar Galactica: Islanded in a Stream of Stars (Spoilers...) -

Wow, just when you thought Ron Moore couldn't come up with a more pretentious title for an episode? He outdoes himself yet again...

Really, what was the point of Islanded in a Stream of Stars? Was it supposed to invoke some sort of patriotism over the Galactica with the Star Spangled Banner or some shit like that? Do we even care that ship is falling apart anymore, especially after God knows how many emo scenes of Adama breaking down? I mean honestly, we get it, he cares about the ship too damn much, and even Roslin knows he loves it more than he does herself. But must we be subjected to the same tired cliche bullshit week after week, making Adama into anything but the goddam badass that he was back in season one? I mean seriously, when Helo Ballard of all fucking angsty bastards has a more memorable moment than even Edward James Olmos in terms of nervous breakdowns, you know something just ain't right...

I will admit that Islanded in a Stream of Stars was better than the previous two episodes. Does that really mean anything though when the writers have completely wasted this final stretch of Battlestar episodes? Where's the epic arc we were promised, where's the pay-off for suffering through four seasons of the show? Instead, all we got was a flashback to season one emo moments, with Kara Thrace giving a slap to the good doctor like the good ol' days. But why the hell did Baltar talk about her reincarnation at the funeral though, it felt so damn forced and out of place. I know he wants to gain more and more influence and support in the fleet with his random ramblings, but wouldn't people just assume that Kara was another Cylon from earth that nobody knew about or some crap like that? How is she proof of life after death for humanity, and how the hell is her existence supposed to help his cause when I thought he was already more powerful by getting a bunch of bigger guns for some goddam reason? None of his storylines have made sense for the past season of the show, and Islanded in a Stream of Stars was definitely no exception. WTF?...

Tyrol was nowhere to be found. I heard one of his scenes was cut, but even so, it's just inexcusable how there really was no fallout after what he did last week in releasing Boomer. Why didn't we see goddam angtsy Helo beating the crap out of the former Chief, after beating the hell out of you know what now that Grace fucking Park won't even have angry sex with him anymore. Meanwhile, it seems that Boomer over by the suddenly announced Cylon homeworld is having second thoughts about kidnapping the whiny kid she had to babysit long ago. Now sure, it's not like her turnaround felt completely forced and out of place, the Eight models have always been known for never sticking by a decision except when it deals with sex. I just wish the writers didn't make these scenes so unbearably boring to watch though, that's all. Once again, we were subjected to the projection of her house back on Picon, where everything is go-happy and horny. I understand what the writers are trying to achieve, but they're doing a horrible job in the process. Battlestar used to be about the hard but realistic choices in life, a modern drama simply set in the backdrop of space. But thanks to additions like Cylon basestar interiors and goddam projection, the show now feels like nothing more than yet another generic piece of fantasy cannon fodder, a soap opera that probably belongs more in the teenage realm of Twilight than anything else. What the hell happened?...

Do I even need to talk about the rest of the characters who were islanded in a stream of shit this episode? Anders was now forced into a role where he spews nothing but random hybrid bullshit about Kara still being the harbinger of death. Colonel Tigh got to raise one eyebrow and look even more confused with the next. Torri had one great scene where she made serious faces at the camera without saying a word, I was so very impressed with that. Roslin got read to by Adama for the umpteenth time, except he didn't even sound like he had his heart into it as he mumbled the words through his sobs for Galactica. Lee and Starbuck got to share a moment, but all was forgotten as soon as Thrace went back to Anders and any real emotional impact that this episode had was ruined by the pure fantasy, sci-fi bullshit that Anders fed out. I'm sorry, but I just don't find Battlestar Galactica to be a compelling story about the human condition anymore. Nothing feels appropriate or believable in the context of the characters or the series any goddam longer. It had so much potential back in the first season, so what the frak happened?...

How many hours of Battlestar Galactica are left? Three? That's not a lot of time to redeem itself. That's not a lot of time at all. As far as I'm concerned? Ron Moore and the writers have left us all islanded in a bullstream of goddam Galactica bullshit. The fourth season of the show has sadly been perhaps their biggest disappointment to date, and that's saying a hell of a lot...

I feel so embarrassed for the actors and the audience above all else, I really do. But I'm willing to give the series one last chance. I'm willing to give the show one last finale for redemption...

Not like I'm giving myself much of a choice here. I suffered through three terrible seasons of the show, why not three hours more?...

... I'm loyal to a fault, even going so far to strand myself on this goddam island one last time...

Someone to watch over me? You know, I wish somebody was hired to actually watch over Ron Moore and his writers, to make sure they weren't producing the Battlestar bullshit that they are. I mean, was Someone to Watch Over Me a decent episode? Maybe, in another season perhaps. Was it worthy or even meaningful when it comes to the final arc of the goddam series? Please, don't make me laugh...

And that's pretty much the crux of things. When was the last time BSG made me laugh? When was the last time it made me feel an emotional tug? Back in the first season, I would snicker at every moment with Head Six in Baltar's brain, and feel something real everything Lee and Starbuck had a scene together. I will admit, parts of Someone to Watch Over Me were touching between Kara and the vision of a piano player who we're supposed to guess is her father...

We're also supposed to link two and two together and surmise that perhaps the Daniel that Ellen talked about a couple episodes ago was somehow Starbuck's father, and that perhaps Starbuck is special by being a hybrid child. Then again, that doesn't answer how she's the destroyer of humanity (unless it means she's the first of a new race to replace humanity), that doesn't explain how she got to earth or how she found her body there, and it certainly doesn't explain why the frak she was so messed up at the start of the season. I get it, Hera and Starbuck are both linked to the same godly source that presented us with Head Six in the first couple seasons of the show. So what, where does that get us now? Battlestar Galactica really hasn't explained anything more than fucking Lost has, it just keeps force feeding us more and more questions simply because that's what writers do to keep far too forgiving viewers on a goddam leash...

Like I said though, there were a few touching moments between Kara and her father, namely the little gaze and graze on the cheek he gave her at the end of their duet. And the return of "Over the Watchtower" had some significance, although it doesn't explain anything as to why a real modern song made it to a Cylon earth, or why this music is so damn important in the grand scheme of things. As for the rest of the episode? Well, we had Tigh whining about his lost child, a kid I had already forgotten even existed on the show thanks to the pure shittiness of Deadlock. We had an Ellen Tigh that was neither evil nor useful, as once again the writers completely frakked and wasted a golden opportunity to reveal more of the mythos behind the Cylons and the series. Torri was pretty much as comatose as Anders was, as the writers have completely wasted away her character since she thankfully got rid of Cally on the goddam show. And were we supposed to give a shit about Admiral Adama crying foul over his lost Battlestar Galactica yet again? Yes, he loves the vessel and would probably rather go down with it than get down with Laura Roslin ever again, I get it. But did we really need the umpteenth, generic, deja vu shot of the ship being repaired by a constipated chief, the same cycled Cylon bullshit that we already got as the main course of the hour back in goddam Deadlock? WTF?...

Then we had Chief Tyrol being a complete fucking pussy-whipped idiot. Considering the girl in question is Grace fucking Park, I guess I can hardly blame him, though in this case I definitely will blame the writers. Not only does he leave Boomer completely unsupervised after basically killing another cute Eight and leaving the body in the cell (how did he pull that off anyways?), not only does he blindly trust that the woman that has been a complete bitch for the past three seasons would never have an ulterior motive, but he somehow was left still absolutely clueless as to what the frak happened after it was all said and done? So what, he didn't even bother to check if everything went fine since he was so happy in his little Cylon Picon projection world? Really, he's that naive after everything that has happened to him in life, from Boomer first, to Cally, to having his son taken away from him since he was never really his? We're supposed to feel sorry for this fucking idiot, who has become so fucking lost and useless on the series that we might as well call him Kate or Hugo from now on? WTF?...

The only true plus of this episode? That we got a fucking hot scene in the showers of Grace fucking Park moaning her ass off. The bad side of things? We got fucking Helo in the same fucking shot, being the lucky son of a bitch to make her moan. Then again, coming full circle, what's hotter than Grace Park getting fucked in absolute ecstasy, than Grace fucking Park watching herself grab and gasp in goddam writhing pleasure? Really, how can I fucking complain then? It was the only saving grace of the goddam episode, or I guess two saving graces and one Saving Private Ryan, might I add...

When it comes to Grace Park in that fucking shower? Now that's someone I'd like to watch over me. She can even be the one on top...

But as for the rest? Someone to Watch Over Me wasn't bad per say compared to the rest of the lackluster season so far. But considering it's the third final episode of the entire fucking BSG series? Seriously, where has all the potential gone? Where has all the laughter and heart and goddam emotion that I felt from the first season of show fucking disappeared to? WTF?...

I'm disappointed in Ron Moore. I thought the final five episodes would be something worth watching...

Wow, just when I thought I had seen it all from Battlestar Galactica, Ron Moore surprises me again. Deadlock was perhaps the absolute worst hour of television I have ever witnessed outside of Star Trek 5 and Voyager. Seriously, I'm not kidding, this shit was more painful to watch than the past seven years of goddam Smallville. WTF?...

How could I possibly take this episode seriously when half of the talk consisted of Ellen being completely bipolar, trying to be a bitch to Saul one moment then sucking up to the goddam Cylon baby the next? I mean, I understand that some part of "love" must be involved in order to create a Cylon child, or so the Hera story claims. But first of all, we have never seen any indication of actual chemistry between Tigh and Caprica Six, and second why the frak would Ron Moore put us through the worst dialogue imaginable from Ellen when it came to trying to save the baby's life with empty words and noname comfort? Deadlock was absolutely the most dreadful piece of soap opera bullshit writing I have ever been forced to endure outside of the Lana Lang years on Smallville, I'm dead serious about that. Who the frak thought that this would be a good idea of an episode with less than five fucking hours left on the show? WTF?...

Need I say anymore? None of the characters were bearable in Deadlock, not even Admiral Adama. All Edward James Olmos got to do was look all tired and angsty over his ship falling to pieces around him. It certainly didn't help that we were stuck in a deja vu loop, seeing Tyrol's disgruntled and constipated face at random intervals in some sort of Groundhog montage surrounding the repairs to the ship. Sure, it may be significant in the final episode how Galactica sacrifices itself in order to give humanity its chance at a new life on earth or some crap like that, but must we really deal with so much frakking bullshit like we did in Deadlock to get there? I gave Stargate Atlantis a ton of gripes and grief for wasting away its final hours on standalone episodes that weren't even worthy of a decent season. Out of all series though, I expected Battlestar Galactica to actually have an enjoyable and meaningful final arc leading up to the finale, much like Star Trek: Deep Space 9 had before its fateful departure. Hell, wasn't Ron Moore part of the Star Trek team, and yet Deadlock is the best he can come up with when there are only four fucking episodes left on the show? WTF?...

Was I supposed to be entertained by random bullshots of Anders lying there in a coma and the rest of the Final Five all arguing and bitching around him? Ellen Tigh had returned to the Galactica, and not only was Boomer as the escort completely ignored this episode, but the writers also missed out on a perfect opportunity to actual reveal more of the backstory and mythos of the series considering nobody questioned Ellen Tigh about the goddam things she now remembered? How the fuck did Boomer even find the fleet anyways? It's not like I trust that version of Grace Park, I'm sure she has something up her adorable and hot fucking sleeves. But if it's this frakking easy to find the goddam fleet and the rebel Cylons, why doesn't Cavil just jump in a few goddam nukes and call it a day? WTF?...

Just when I think I've seen it all, Ron Moore surprises me again and again and again. For all those who know about threads and synchronization in programming, it's become goddam apparent that the hive mind of the BSG writers have now been stuck in a goddam deadlock of a fucking infinite loop...

What a horrible, dreadful episode. I rather watch goddam Voyager, I shit you not.

No Exit? Such an appropriate name, considering that's how trapped I felt when watching this goddam waste of a lifetime...

Alright, so at least Ron Moore finally gave us some answers and exposition as to what the frak is happening in the series. It seems that humans on Kobol made the human-like Cylons that eventually settled on "Earth" as the 13th tribe. These Cylons originally had resurrection technology (and probably jump drive) then lost it all when they started to breed like humans and forget their past. Then for some goddam reason, their entire planet was nuked, and only five of them survived thanks to Head Six or Head Baltar or whoever was warning these Final Five that their planet and existence were in danger. They managed to recreate the resurrection technology, lived to fight another day, then wasted a thousand years of the universe while traveling the stars on some Trek to find their long lost cousins (who apparently use the same damn car models and clothing brands as they did back on Earth, go figure)...

At least we got some answers. How about solutions to the new questions then? Why was Earth nuked? Why was Earth populated by Cylons? Is it really "our" Earth or our timeline? Who the hell are these hallucinatory beings and why do they seem to know future events? And okay, so at least it makes some sense that these Final Five Cylon models created the original eight (whoever the fuck Daniel is, last name Jackson I'm sure), that answers some questions as to why they still can't remember truly who they are. But why is history destined to constantly keep repeating itself, why are humans always making Cylons that they go to war with? Is it supposed to be our human nature, or is it the goddam Lords of Kobol screwing around with our heads? There are still lots of questions left to be answered, and No Exit certainly left far too many of them left to the imagination. And I'm sure Ron Moore is patting himself on the back right now for what he did give us, with no interest in ever writing for us the goddam rest. WTF?...

I guess we might as well be thankful we got any answers whatsoever though. It somewhat makes sense, given how vindictive and childish of a character the Cavil's (or John's) of the Cylons seem to be, that he would wipe the memories clean of the Final Five and then situate them randomly in human society to witness the destruction of the 12 colonies. Of course, that doesn't really explain how he could be such a sadist that during the occupation, he would happily sleep with the woman who was essentially his mother, who also seemed attracted to him after she designed him after her own goddam father. I guess that explains a lot about the fucked up nature of Cylon society, although I would've been happy just to keep imagining dozens upon dozens of Grace Parks pleasuring themselves in one great orgy, bending a helpless virgin's will until she happily submits. Why couldn't that be the No Exit that this episode talked about? WTF?...

This episode was a complete boring fucking mess, and it's all thanks to how this grand exposition of Cylon culture was done. On one side of things, you had Anders the Jimmy Bimmy bastard recanting the tale as if he working the kids section at a book store. To make things sound even more ridiculous, not only did he start fucking up words, but the director actually brought in the fucking PC guy from the goddam Apple commercials as comic fucking relief? WTF? And then on the other side of the coin, you had Ellen back from the grave, obviously looking horny as hell in wanting to fuck the Cylon face based upon her father, then settling for Boomer as I think we can all relate. Nothing really happened in this episode, it was just a bunch of random talking over a horrible storyline that I'm sure Ron Moore thought was genius when he thought it up a month or two ago. At least the revelations of why the Final Five lost their memories and why they were hidden amongst human society makes some sense, but every other answer felt like it was randomly made up on the spot by reading internet forums for clues on how to salvage all the fucked up plot points Ron Moore left behind, without nary a plan of how they could all fucking fit together. WTF?...

No Exit? Seriously, that's what Ron Moore deserves in a locked fucking cage after thinking that this episode was a goddam good idea. Any show centered around Anders is an episode fit for imprisonment and goddam insanity...

... if you checked my brain waves after the hour was done, I wouldn't be caught anywhere in my head either...

The Oath was perhaps the first great episode of Battlestar Galactica since the second frakkin' season. Blood on the Scales though, not so much. It's not that it was a bad episode or anything, but it did suffer from being a disappointment compared to the first half of the two parter, for sure...

Admiral Adama in The Oath was a fierce combatant who didn't back down from anyone, whether it was to protect his ship or to protect the woman he loves. Here in Blood on the Scales though, Edward James Olmos didn't have much to do, he pretty much just sat around the desk as the fake little tribunal had their way. I wasn't a fan of any of his scenes with Lampkin, who just happened to appear magically out of thin air for this episode. The Admiral at least had a decent reunion with Colonel Tigh after thinking he was dead, but why no love for seeing Lee Adama alive? And I honestly really do wish some of his old father-daughter relationship with Starbuck could be brought back into the fold. It just felt like a bunch of wasted character opportunities here in Blood on the Scales, especially compared to how much of a family-based series Battlestar Galactica truly felt like in its first season...

I'll give some props to President Laura Roslin for putting up a good voice of a fight in this episode. I just didn't feel she backed up her shrieks and cries of woman-horror though, she just felt like she was bitching and complaining for the hell of it. Half of the time, she left the Basestar just sitting in the middle of the fleet doing absolutely nothing but bidding its time. When it was finally time to make her move, all Roslin did was yell and screech and never got to back up the force in her words. I'll give credit where credit is due, you could definitely tell just how pissed off and how vengeful the character was in the tone of her voice. But maybe because the atmosphere of the insides of the Basestar screams out nothing to me but cheap Sci-Fi gimmicks, I just couldn't feel any resonance or resoluteness in what she was saying. She kept demanding that all the Cylons stay on her side but for really what reason? The human fleet hates them, Admiral Adama had pretty much been left to slaughter, and the Cylon rebels could probably survive a lot longer if they just took their ball and ran home with it instead. If anything, Roslin did her best but she just wasn't convincing to me in any shape or form, except to prove that she was emotionally unbalanced and goddam bipolar...

I'll also admit that Lt. Gaeta had a good send-off here in Blood on the Scales. If any character was given his dues in this episode, it was Felix Gaeta, as I even felt sorry for him a bit in his final talk with Gaius Baltar. The problem here though, was that while the director and writers did a fine job of showing the ill-fated comm officer to be questioning his decisions, demonstrating the weight on his shoulders and the guilt on his conscience? It all felt pointless and meaningless when Tom Zarek just suddenly decided to massacre the entire Quorum, and for what really? What was the point in killing them all when he could have simply silenced them with imprisonment or just ignored them completely? What was the point of him going all MWAHAHA evil-bastard badassery, especially when Gaeta was right that the truth was no longer on their side? In The Oath, one of the strongest elements was that we could actually agree with Lt. Gaeta's point of view against siding with the Cylons, and even the Quorum pretty much agreed with him to some extent. And then all of a sudden, Tom Zarek just slaughters them mercilessly out of random shits and giggles, and Lt. Gaeta just goes along with it? He had a good case and arguably a clean conscience before that happened, and then the writers decided to throw it all away so that we viewers have no choice but to cheer for the firing squad. WTF?...

The rest of the characters all have a few moments that were decent here and there, but nothing truly memorable like in The Oath. Lee got to prove how capable he still was of being a soldier, wiping out a whole squad of marines with merely a sidearm, but all that scene proved to me was how pointless and useless it was for the writers to turn him into a diplomat in the first place. Kara Thrace was fine and even fun when she was going commando with Lee, but as soon as Anders came back into the scene and got a bullet to the brain, I just couldn't give a damn about her character anymore. Gaius Baltar had a decent moment when talking to Lt. Gaeta, as all the strong scenes in the episode were based around the latter, but I'm still disappointed in how the writers have wasted the good doctor this season with nothing more than some random cult bullshit storyline. Colonel Tigh was fine, shoving a gun down some random Lieutenant's throat for refusing to stand by the old man Admiral, but I just can't get behind this goddam Caprica Six pregnancy angle. The two of them have zero chemistry, and unless it's somehow shown that Caprica Six somehow downloaded all of Ellen's memories or some shit like that, I don't get what the frak the writers are doing here with this shitstain of an angle. And seriously, we needed more random scenes of hot as fuck Grace Parks on the Basestar. Instead, at least we did get a few gratuitous scenes of hot and sweaty Athena on the Galactica, but unfortunately they were ruined with goddam Helo by her side...

Aside from the deaths of Felix and Tom Zarek, was there anything actually achieved here in Blood on the Scales? Were there actually any consequences? The most I could make out was that perhaps the prophecy that a "dying leader" would not make it to Earth (the real Earth) may not be about President Roslin afterall, but rather the Battlestar Galactica as Tyrol pointed out. It's sad to say that the best scenes in this episode were owed to Lt. Gaeta being his pirate peg-leg of a selfish bastard self, and to Chief Tyrol when randomly spouting shit with a gun pointed at his head in the armoury. Those were the kinds of character moments I was hoping for after The Oath, but the follow-up to last week's excellent episode just couldn't goddam measure up...

I'm harsh on Blood on the Scales only because it paled in comparison to The Oath. It was still a solid episode, just not one that I would watch again. It wasn't a waste of an hour, but I certainly expect more and much better from the final goddam stretch of Battlestar Galactica...

And if the Final Five episodes of Battlestar Galactica or however hours are left turn out to be utter Ron Moore shit?...

... then there's definitely going to be hell to pay and goddam blood to weigh...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Requiem small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

And to commemorate this event, lest we ever forget? We need not just one, nor two, but three quotes to remember this day of infamy...

Seriously, this is how the writers wanted us to last remember Lana Lang, the dumbass bitch that was apparently too lazy to spend ten milliseconds of her time to check out some giant, glowing bomb thing on the fucking Daily Planet roof? Seriously, you could even see it from outside on ground level with human eyes, it was that fucking goddam green. WTF?...

And oh, how else did the writers want to forever burn Lana's memory into our fucking eye sockets? By making our retinas bleed with the goddam sad ass excuse that she and Clark can never be together because of Kryptonite in her suit (as if Jor'El or a repaired Fortress of Solitude wouldn't be able to fix that). I mean seriously, sure maybe the lip lock turned into ugly popping veins was romantic in some star-crossed, high school emo way, but shouldn't Smallville be past that sort of crap by now (or at least I had hoped this season)? Wouldn't it have been more mature and more "Superman" for Clark and Lana to have left each other by their own choice because they realize they've moved on from one another? Wouldn't it have been more sound for Clark to either realize he had feelings for Lois Lane, or at least realized that all the lies between him and Lana kind of spelled Doomsday for their relationship? Instead, we got more incessant whining and pouting from the so-called Man of Steel, who once again let Lana wear the pants in the relationship in terms of telling him when to stop suckling the bottle. I really had hoped Smallville had grown beyond this kind of emo OC bullshit, but apparently old habits die harder than Doomsday ever did. I'm thankful that Lana is out of the picture, but this was one of the most excruciatingly immature ways for the writers to ever get the job done. WTF?...

Requiem was like a bad dream, even going so far as to pretend like we had Michael Rosenbaum back, only to realize it was some Hannibal Lector of a wannabe who decided to blow himself up. Some have argued on the internet that Lex isn't dead, that either he faked his own death (with a clone or something) or even managed to somehow download himself into Oliver Queen when we weren't looking. That'd certainly be true to character for Lex, but I'm with Michael Rosenbaum on this, that it just doesn't feel like the real Lex Luthor unless we get the real actor back to play the part. I never once felt any sort of suspense in this episode, and I was sadly even rooting for this so-called Lex when he had Clark and Lana making emo-constipated-faces at one another on the goddam roof. It's probably for the best that Lex has been kicked off the series for the time being, considering the Doomsday plotline (and perhaps even Chloe still turning to the dark side) made for a much more interesting season than any previous year before. I do miss Michael Rosenbaum, just like I miss having John Glover on the series. But I was certainly no fan of this foobar Lex Luthor on the series, and I certainly felt no qualms in seeing him get blown up in a random fucking truck...

The rest of the plotline consisted of Oliver Queen admitting to murder (if that was Oliver, I mean), and Chloe pretending like the decision to kill some random meteor freak was solely because of the Brainiac influence within her. I don't mind both characters' turns to the dark side of the DC comics, especially considering both characters had become stale over the last season or so. I just wish their storylines weren't relegated to the back burner of the Clark and Lana Part Deux bullshit crap, as Clana made everyone feel that much worse in this goddam episode. Hell, I felt like I was watching an hour full of Jimmy and the Bimmy yet he wasn't even on the screen once. Why the hell the writers chose to devote all this screentime to Lana fucking Lang while leaving Chloe as just some random girl knocked out by fairy dust is beyond me. Fuck, we didn't even get the requisite scene of Chloe helpless on the ground in the hospital, with that uber hot nurse clutching and begging for her touch. WTF?...

Well, at least Chiara was fucking cute as hell as the uber-naive nurse over there. Really though, shouldn't she be by her husband Ronon's side in Atlantis rather than the random dumbass plot-point in fucking things up? Did she even have a role besides looking adorable and letting the evil fat bastard out of his cage? WTF?...

And that pretty much sums up Requiem as a whole. Who the fuck let the season seven writers of Smallville out of their fucking cages? Who the fuck gave them free reign to write such cock-sucking bullshit as this? Season eight was going so well, and then this episode happened as a sad end and requiem to the goddam Lana mythology that should have never been let out of its Pandora's Box in the first place. WTF?...

Seriously, she couldn't even spot a giant fucking neon, pulsating bomb on the roof of the Daily Planet? Was she as dumb as the writers who thought this episode would be a fucking good idea? WTF?...

I was honestly crying with her when this episode ended. Half out of happiness because Lana Lang was finally gone...

... and half because I must have been as stupid as she was to watch this fucking Requiem...

Finally an episode I can get behind. Finally Ron Moore delivers on his own fucking oath to entertain...

Finally we had an episode that I wasn't bored to tears from. Was it of the same quality as Hand of God or Pegasus, the two episodes of the series I was actually on the edge of my seat for? No, not quite, but at least it stands up there with Exodus and whatever other second tier sort of crap. A ton of action happened in The Oath and almost made the boring, plodding plotline of A Disquiet Folllows My Soul into something worthwhile. Well, okay, maybe nothing could make that steaming pile of shit entertaining, but at least The Oath made me forget about it for twenty or so minutes at least...

The Oath was exactly the kind of story that made Battlestar Galactica a rivetting experience back in its first and second seasons. We had a simple dilemma and a simple premise, with Admiral Adama overstepping his bounds in ordering every human ship to install Cylon technology aboard their vessels. Even the quorum was completely against it, including Lee Adama to some extent. The Admiral was trying to use his military authority to accomplish something that even I disagreed with, as it's simply not a good idea to install brand new technology into aging ships, especially when no-one on those ships even knows how to do simple maintenance on this new bullshit. This is the kind of schism that made episodes like Pegasus into something worthwhile to watch in the past, as BSG has always been about tough decisions that can go either way. And when the debate is taken off the table, then the fire-fights start and that's exactly what happened here in The Oath. It's textbook, old skool Battlestar Galactica, and for one frakkin' week of the fourth season of the show, I actually goddam approve...

Dualla had her final swan song not so long ago, and it seems like Lt. Gaeta will be having his final say very soon. To be honest, even with the webisodes centering around him, I don't really understand why he's suddenly become so bitter and so disloyal to the Adama administration. Sure in the past, he preferred Baltar over Roslin, which cost him a ton of his pride and naivete, but he's been pretty much fine and normal since then. Are we really to expect that a lost leg and a little pep talk from Zarek was all he needed to turn to the dark side of the force? Well, alright, it sucks to be betrayed by a fucking hot Grace Park model like he was in the webisodes, but even then, he can just stop by the baseship and get a couple more for shits and giggles. Even though I didn't truly understand his motives here in The Oath, I have to admit it was one of the actor's best moments on the series, dictating orders yet looking conflicted as hell at times over what he was doing. He believed that his actions were just, but deep down inside, you could tell he was simply a bitter man crying out for a little more rubbing cream on his pirate leg of a stub...

Besides being Felix Gaeta's last chance to shine, it seems Tom Zarek finally gets to have his martyr moment that he's been desperate for since the first season of the show. Unlike Gaeta, he doesn't really believe that the coup he's orchestrating is the right thing to do. He could have easily just detained Lee Adama, but you could tell how much ambition for power and lust for revenge he had hidden in his eyes when he sent the poor boy wonder off to die. I'm not sure if the actor who plays Tom Zarek actually approves of this new BSG series (considering he was the Lee Adama of the old series of the same name), but if he was harbouring any true ill will, at least it actually got the chance to shine in the spotlight here in The Oath. I think he did a fine job as the little devil on Gaeta's shoulder in this episode, and I'm sure he'll be smiling in a suit when all is said and done and he finally goes out in the blaze of glory his character was always meant to have...

The Oath wasn't an amazing episode outside of those two characters, but at least it offered something for everyone involved. Chief Tyrol got to stop whining about either religion or being a frakkin' Cylon, and simply went back to looking after the ship like he used to be so good at back in the day. Baltar started off boring when it came to his whole Jesus-wannabe bullshit all over again, but at least some of his old personality traits started to shine through once more, with his instinctive ability to turn tail and run like the best of cowards we know and love. Anders finally got to make a token appearance again, beaten up by Peter from Stargate Atlantis of all British wimps, but at least it was good to be reminded that he is a Cylon and that he does have a purpose on the show afterall. And Helo? Well, I'm just happy that he was beaten the frak up as well as the pussy-whipped loser that he is. I've never been on the side of the people who prey on helpless Cylons, despite the human holocaust, but when it comes to goddam Helo in all his annoying boringness? He's fair game for any amount of dropping the soap, as far as I'm concerned...

The Oath was also the episode where President Roslin finally got to step up and show that she truly is in charge. The actress did a great job in showing just how distressed she was not just that power was being usurped from under her throne, but that Admiral Adama was going to go down with his ship. I may never be able to burn that god-awful image out of mind of the two of them frakkin' each other in bed, but at least I can still find their romance to be the sweetest thing there is when saying goodbye to one another, perhaps for the last time. Roslin did a great job in trying to slow down the rebellion, and Admiral Adama had a lot of great scenes of loyalty and camaraderie with Colonel Tigh, especially when it came to their badass stand-off at the end of the episode. Hell, even Lee and Starbuck got a few old skool moments back in the episode, with that small little kiss that reminded me just how great of a match they were back in the first season, especially in episodes like Hand of God...

Now don't get me wrong, The Oath was certainly no Hand of God, but at least it was a nice start back to the pinnacle of the series. It was a simple story with a simple scenario with simple character actions and emotions that are believable in their situations. I can only hope Battlestar Galactica can go out on top, but it's a long way back from the bottom of the goddam barrel. Seeing tons of action all bunched together in one hour of a coup de grace was very entertaining though, and that's all I ask for at bare minimum from the goddam series these days...

Finally, Ron Moore gave us an episode worth fighting for and worth goddam watching for once...

Finally, he went back to his oath and gave us something that was not a total piece of crap...

Y2kk Update: - Battlestar Galactica: A Disquiet Follows My Soul (Spoilers...) -

Ron Moore is a shitty writer. Now we officially know that Ron Moore is a shitty director too...

Honestly, "A Disquiet Follows My Soul"? That's the best emo title he could come up with for the episode he chose to direct? Now, I will admit that some of the cinematography during this last hour of Battlestar Galactica was decent, but it all simply screamed to me an amateurish sort of frakkin' art, as if I was watching some college kid filming with a big budget for the very first time...

The rest of the story was lame and boring as fuck, although I do understand the importance of following up on last week's events. With Dualla simply being the first to thankfully suicide herself, obviously the cast and crew had to get their shit together to give the people some semblance of hope. I just don't know if retrofitting every human ship with Cylon jump-technology is goddam worth it though. Seriously, I understand they might run out of fuel sooner or later, but how can it be wise to install organic technology that no human understands in every single ship, and then suddenly trust that it works without any sort of proper engineering testing or maintenance whatsoever? It's not just a matter of trusting the Cylons that come onboard, it's also about Murphy's Law that everything that can go wrong will go wrong. I was actually on Felix Gaeta's side here, that it was a dumbass decision to not only let Cylons onboard every single ship in the fleet (as if they wouldn't cause a mass riot thanks to, you know, the holocaust of all of humanity) but also replace every ship's tried and true propulsion and navigation systems on the simple word that maybe it will save their lives one day. Seriously, I for one wouldn't let this decision go through, why should Adama? WTF?...

I'm sorry, this episode was dumbass and disturbing on so many levels. On one side, I sadly agree with Gaeta for once, which shames me after seeing him throw away a free Grace Park in the goddam webisode series. On the other side, we had a disgusting image placed in our heads of a naked Admiral Adama with President Roslin. Sure, I find the two to be a sweet couple under normal circumstances, but did we honestly have to see them together like that? It's almost like seeing your own mother and father frakkin' each other's brains out right before they get a divorce. It's just not right, and the human soul was not meant to take this kind of abuse. WTF, Ron Moore? Seriously, WTF?...

Most of this episode consisted of gratuitous camera shots that only a high school filmboy obsessed with Donnie Darko would love. I guess I was glad so much time was wasted by watching the president run through the corridors of Galactica, if only because we were left with less insufferable lines of script instead. But really, wasn't there nothing better that Ron Moore could do with his time? He was trying to set the stage up for the events of The Oath, where Gaeta and Tom Zarek stage a coup de grace on everyone's ass. That's fine, but why bother with such a horribly boring plotline of some random ship in the fleet following Zarek's orders to disappear, only to end up being brought back to the fold five minutes later? I understand Zarek just wanted to show he had some support on his side, and I guess that got Gaeta talking to him in the end. But there was absolutely no pay-off in this single episode by itself, and it all led to the most painful, monumentally boring bullshit thanks to Ron fucking Moore. WTF?...

And oh, turns out Hot Dog is really the father of Tyrol's child. Are we actually supposed to give a damn? So Cally wanted to kill herself and her human child? Wow, give her the mother of the year award then. What a fucking slut...

Seriously, 'A Disquiet Follows My Soul'? Wow, an overly pretentious name for an overly pretentious series made by an overly pretentious prick. Why am I not surprised?...

My soul has had enough. The only thing that follows me anymore is the haunting vision of President Roslin and Admiral Adama frakking each other up. Dear fucking Lords of Kobol...

Y2kk Update: - Battlestar Galactica: Sometimes a Great Notion Review (Spoilers...) -

Sometimes a great series turns out to be a total piece of Battleshit Galactica...

I had such high hopes for the fourth season of the show, and this is what we get? For some, seeing Earth in ruins as the result of Skinjob Judgment Day was the most important day of their life. But for me though? It was Tuesday...

Was there anything that I actually cared about in this episode? It was all a bunch of doom and gloom and emo bullshit that I just couldn't connect to on any single level. Are you honestly going to tell me that Admiral Adama, the man who started off using Earth as just an excuse to get the fleet moving, was so shaken and stirred by Revelations that he actually was begging like a dog in heat for his XO to suicide him? I honestly don't get why people lost so much hope in Battlestar Galactica, when in some twisted way, doesn't the discovery of earth pretty much validate the old prophecies as being at least somewhat true? Before, everyone just lived on faith, and now they actually have some level of proof of their gods and their afterlives and shit like that. And they choose to go all emo apeshit and crying over the walls instead? WTF?...

I was supposed to care about Dualla offing herself, wasn't I? Instead, all I could feel was the horror in Lee's eyes. Not that his ex-wife killed herself, but that she chose to kill herself after their fucking date. I mean seriously, was he that damn bad? Was he really that horrible of a night out that she didn't even want to get fucked one last time before ending her life? I mean honestly, if I was Lee, I'd be feeling like total shit right now that on her last night in the world, she didn't even want to frak one last time. WTF? And as for Dualla herself, she was always a weak and annoying character that never had any chemistry with Lee in the first place. Good riddance, the actress was sadly better in her high school days on Smallville than anywhere else. Pretty much, as soon as I saw her point that gun at her head? The commercial that followed up on the Space Channel honestly sang out all the words that I wanted to shout out myself...

"I just want to celebrate - another day of living! I just want to celebrate - another day of living! OH YEAH!"

Finally, the bitch is dead. Then again, isn't that what I said about Kara Thrace and yet she's still sadly around, extra body and all? I mean, I wanted to get some answers for a) how she was able to come back from Maelstrom and b) why the frak she's the destroyer of humanity or whatever sort of shit. Instead, all we got here was some sight-seeing of a downed Viper fighter, a body that had Kara's dog-tags, and Leoban running like a scalded dog in fear of the woman he had shackled as his play-toy not so long ago. Seriously, WTF?...

The only parts of Sometimes a Great Notion that I did enjoy revolved around the Final Five Cylons themselves (and the scenes with Grace Park in the background, but that's a given). It was somewhat interesting to learn that Earth was the home of an entire colony of Cylons that could breed, but why call this planet Earth then? There wasn't anything Earthly about it besides the same cars and modern technology we saw back on Caprica anyways. We didn't even get to see any land-masses to confirm if it's "our" Earth, but that's what the Cylons chose to call the planet anyways. It was a decent reveal that Ellen was the final Cylon, except that it ruins the importance around her death since now I'm sure we'll end up seeing her again. I was interested in the mythology Ron Moore had built up in Revelations for the show, but I was left completely underwhelmed from the answers we got here...

Seriously, sometimes a great idea leads to a shit episode, and that's what we got here. Do I really want to watch the president go all Smallville on our asses when sadly, the events of this hour should have proven to her that there is some merit to the prophecies she had been following for so long now? WTF?...

This was not the fabled return to the airways of Earth that I expected from Battlestar Galactica. To say that I was as goddam disappointed as Dualla is a frakkin', fucking understatement...