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Even at the risk of sounding like a babbling fanboy of an idiot, I still have to admit that this week's episode of Babel One, was perhaps one of the finest single hours of Trek that the Enterprise series has ever produced...

On the surface, I suppose it had a lot in common with the two Stargate episodes that aired this week. All three shows were set-ups for a much larger arc to come, and all three shows were obviously saving the best for last... But completely unlike SG-1 and Atlantis this week, Star Trek Enterprise had something that the Stargate writers completely lacked: a great flow to the overall episode, that just somehow made me want to see the second part of the arc so damn much... instead of just leaving me pissed off for more, at the pathetic table scraps I got from The Siege and Reckoning...

Now, the flow and pacing to Babel One wasn't perfect. Some of the editing was a bit weird, like the quick cut to Archer's and T'Pol's awkward "I think we're moving too fast" dinner scene... But still, overall, Babel One had me babbling like a brook, as if I was back in my glory days of TNG or some sort of crap like that. It was perhaps one of the funniest episodes that Enterprise has ever done, and it provided more suspense and more action than any episode since the first of the Augments arc, has ever managed to achieve...

I never used to like the Tellarites. But that's probably because I never really got to see them in a light-hearted episode... And thanks to their entourage in Babel One, every single member of the crew got something useful to do (more or less, at least)... Hoshi got a great introduction with Archer, sitting there so ever adorably stunned, at the captain's very Tellarite-like response to an attack on his dog. And hell, she even got to steal some thunder from T'Pol for once, with her little explanation about the weird-ass Romulan ship... Mayweather obviously didn't get much to do, but hey, at least he got to slowly increment Warp Speed numbers again. That may not be very deep for his character or challenging for the actor, but hey, at least he provided some real suspense for once... And Phlox was pretty much absent the whole episode, which was quite a shame really. But even with just a fleeting few moments on screen, at least he helped reestablish the Andorian's xenophobia towards all species... I mean, you just knew Shran and Talas wouldn't be the good guys this episode really, when they were picking on everyone's favourite Denobulan...

Now, some can obviously criticize this episode, for not developing characters besides Archer very much. But there is simply no denying, that at least all the major players finally got something memorable to do... We learned that T'Pol's marriage to Koss was now dissolved. That scene did feel awkward, because her comment came out of nowhere it seemed. But even so, it was nice to see her confiding in Archer again. And it was even more revealing, that Trip wasn't at the dinner table for once... As for Trip and Malcolm, finally we all got what we were looking for. Whether you see Reed as straight or ambiguously gay, at least we can all agree that his friendship with Trip was the best damn thing going in season one. So why haven't we seen it since?... Either way, we got a great reference back to Shuttlepod One with the "nice bum" comment about T'Pol. And it's nice to know that even when they're stranded on an evil alien ship without oxygen, that at least Reed could do the man thing and cheer Tucker on in his quest to get back in T'Pol's good graces and undies... And even outside of their characterizations, I think the two actors did a great damn job on the Romulan ship. The lack of inertial stabilizers (which I assume aren't necessarily inertial dampeners, otherwise Trip and Tucker would've been crushed by G forces, and the ship would've fallen apart...) made for some pretty damn exciting (and low budget) action scenes. I mean, for once instead of just shaking the camera, you had MACOs hanging off of railings, and the Chief Engineer reaching for dear life for his magnetize boots button... and as for the big surprise in the end? Well, I'll get to that in a little later...

As for Archer, he was obviously the star of the show. And for once, I really didn't mind... Hell, I think this was perhaps Scott Bakula's best performance all season long, and maybe one of his best of the entire series. Because here he had three completely different situations to handle: the Tellarites, the return of General Shran, and the Romulan holographic ship to boot... I've already commented how damn funny his scenes with the Tellarites were. Honestly, lines like "you're even more ugly than I remember" brought back nice memories of T'Pol in heat, and "I was about to say the same thing about you" in regards to "small and unimpressive" was probably the best damn, witty joke the Enterprise writers have ever come up with... When it came to Shran, some weird editing made their binge drinking scene into something that just didn't work (including Shran's revelation about Talas). But Archer really did a fine job mediating between the two warring parties at the TNG-like discussion table. And I just loved the look on Shran's face, every time even the "pink-skin" was questioning Andoria's loyalty after the attack from the Andorian warship...

Maybe on a normal day, I would've seen the huge twist at the end, coming from a mile away... and after the episode aired, it did bug me a bit, that Trip and Malcolm never did try to sabotoge the Romulan ship from the inside while it was tearing apart the Enterprise (or why the MACOs beamed out before the Chief Engineer did)...

But during the episode itself? None of these flaws were on my radar. Because the great action scenes alone, left me staring at my television in a swirling cloud of suspended belief. And I liked it... It was obvious that we were dealing with a holographic illusionary ship. That's always been the Romulan's style (though it was strangely lacking a cloak)... But Manny Coto actually used my fear of canon breach (that Trip and Reed would see a Romulan's face), to leave me utterly stunned when Luke the vampire Romulan was actually shown to be on Romulus (and it's nice to know that B&B are finally making use of some of their money from Nemesis...)... It was the best damn shock the show has had, at least since the Romulan at the end of the Vulcan arc of course... and the fact that I somehow never thought of such an obvious ending in the end? Sure, it bugs me a bit that the Romulans seem more advanced in the 22nd century than they did in Deep Space 9, but still... that was one damn cool ship that they had. And the whole mystery feeling of the episode, truly was more definitive of the Romulans than anything we've ever gotten since at least The Next Generation...

Let's face it - I am a babbling idiot when it comes to this episode... I loved the humour between Archer, the Tellarites, and poor Tucker "when in Rome"... I loved the return of the Andorians, even if it lead to really weird pink underwear from Talas... I actually thought the MACOs weren't bad this episode. Sure, beaming out of the Romulan ship first was dumb, but at least that one inept guard outside of Shran's quarters wasn't that inept. And at least the MACOs really kicked ass when it came to retaking the ship... And who didn't love the action scenes? The threat actually felt real and immediate, unlike in a certain other sci-fi series' shows this week... While Stargate really disappointed me with two second teases of space battles, we got really damn fine attacks from the Andorian and Romulan ships in Babel One. Hell, I'd even go so far as to say they were the best space battles I've seen since the Xindi Crisis at least... and all this from just the first episode of a three episode arc?

That's what Babel One excelled at best... Not only did it satisfy my cravings for the week, with loads of action and pretty damn decent dialogue, but it also gave me so much hope that the next two weeks of Enterprise, will be amongst the best ever made... Of course, logic and past reminders dictate, that the final two thirds of Star Trek arcs are never as good as the first episode in the series...

... but then again, babbling fanboy idiots like me, never really think with logic, now do we?...

Hell yeah, bring on the Prommie versus the Rommies, and then you'll really see me babble...

Y2kk Update: - Stargate Atlantis: The Siege (Part 1) and Stargate SG-1: Reckoning (Part 1) Reviews (Spoilers) -

Well, I probably failed my test miserably today... so as Rodney MacKay might say, "one down, two to go"... or actually, that would be three or four for me, but that's besides the point...

The point is, I've been looking forward to Stargate Atlantis' The Siege for a very long time. The episodes ever since The Brotherhood have been pretty much all a major hype-fest setup for the big, bad show down with the Wraith Hive ships down the stretch... the only thing is, if only because of my enormous expectations, The Siege (Part 1) ended up as quite a bit of a letdown for me. Because while I was expecting a final, huge reckoning against the Wraith or something, I got pretty much yet another filler of a set-up episode... to get our taste buds even more riled up for the season finale, I suppose...

I don't know, I guess the episode itself was strong. But considering I just wanted things to blow up, the pace of the episode just felt too damn slow for its own good... The A storyline featured MacKay and Grodin, in what provided the only real comic relief of the episode... Rodney was great as always. His panic in the space suit was just perfect, I loved his hesitation when it came to his "one small step", and you gotta love the fact that he banged his own head on the glass to boot. But still, if there's one thing that the actor can't really do well, it's the patented "oh shit" look that's been going around for weeks. He just didn't seem to care that much when Grodin was left all alone on that space station, with two Hive ships still intact. And to be honest? I really didn't feel much worker bee chemistry between him and Peter, which was a complete contrast to the lovely banter thingy he has going with Zelenka, who actually admitted Rodney was smarter than he was... wish someone would do that to me (preferably, a hot horny scientist girl, but I digress)...

And as for Grodin? Well, I'm pretty 99% sure the Brit ain't quite dead just yet... If he is gone, then this episode was just a terrible send-off. Sure, he got to look like a hero. But where was the characterization, or the spotlight in the camera that every character who has been killed off in the past (Major Kawalsky, Doc Frasier) has gotten at least in the episode before their demise?... And just take a closer look at the moment where the Hive ships blast apart the Ancient satellite. Note that the center module actually remains intact and slips away in the explosion, like an escape pod or some sort of crap like that... Now, there's no explanation why Rodney in the puddle jumper wouldn't just notice a huge, honkin' escape pod in the middle of space. But hey, it's a TV show - if it ain't on camera, then the actors don't see it...

I didn't mind the A storyline. Seeing the Wraith Hive ship being carved up by an Ancient beam weapon was the highlight of the show (although how a single naquada generator could do all that, I will never know...)... It was the B storyline that really felt forced and out of place, with all its flashbacks and overly slow use of continuity (Wraith beaming down, playing Clue over Bates, etc...) considering the torrid pace of the second half of the season so far...

Teyla was featured again, getting into a fistfight with Bates over Wraith semantics. The thing was, even if she's become a more interesting, darker character since The Gift, she still feels useless to the team. As soon as she tried to actually read the Wraith's mind, what does she get in return? A big fat ice cream headache and yet another pointless trip to sickbay... Lt. Ford didn't have much to do either. He seemed to be genuinely on Teyla's side all the time (while Sheppard kept switching loyalties), but for the most part, Ford pulled yet another Mayweather as the background guy pushing invisible buttons on his P90... Sheppard was probably the biggest disappointment of the episode. Besides having some fun with "Bob", did he really do anything? Sure, he got chased around by a T-rex, but we didn't see that on camera. Sure, he tried to take on a Wraith who somehow managed to hide himself in the base for two weeks, but he sure looked like an idiot when his whole team got compromised in a single second...

And Dr. Weir? Dear God, has she become the Lana Lang of the series already or something? Sure, the actress has beautiful hair, but she's already been completely outclassed by all the other voluptuous women who have guest starred on the show. Bring back Sora, goddammit!... Meanwhile, Dr. Weir makes horrible corny speeches about hope and dreams, and absolutely ruined her lines whenever it came to the importance of the Ancient repository... Her lines were all filler, and they certainly sounded like filler coming from her... The only people that saved her scenes was Dr. Beckett and his jokes, and Dr. Zelenka's Independence Day computer virus. And even in those scenes, the episode just felt oddly paced... with us watching a simulation of Atlantis ever slowly sinking to the ground, instead of actually seeing real things blow up on screen...

... bah... sure, I'm just bitter that we got yet another set-up episode for the big finish, instead of the raw real deal that I was hoping for... But even so, except for MacKay and perhaps Teyla, The Siege still didn't even have the kind of great characterization and dialogue that most of the rest of the season has had... but hey, at least Microsoft Bob was cool...

Now, Stargate SG-1's Reckoning (Part 1) will probably take my episode of the week award, if only thanks to every other show not stepping up to plate... Smallville and their Slutville episode, was a complete joke yesterday (yet a very entertaining one at that...), and Atlantis just wasn't what I was hoping for this week... And while I did enjoy most of Reckoning, the thing is... it suffered from the same scourge, the same plague that New Order did a long time ago... The core plotline may be great. But the actors just didn't seem to care about the show anymore... There was no team dynamic. And mix that in with weird pacing, and a very rushed and compacted feel to the whole episode... and what we're left with, is yet another set-up, filler, "oh shit" episode sort of thing that I certainly didn't enjoy in Atlantis this week either...

Teal'c's storyline dealt with some Holy Temple on a planet named Takara or something, a place we've never heard of before... Teal'c himself was alright, as Christopher Judge is probably the only actor left in the show who seems to put real effort into his speeches. Hell, I actually liked the corny dialogue when it came to convincing his rebel Jaffa allies, to do what they eventually seemed to do... What I didn't like, was how after an entire season of them being missing in action, the rebel Jaffa have just suddenly returned out of nowhere, with an entire fleet of Hat'eks somehow. What I didn't like, was how we expected some huge battle at Takara, only to have the entire garrison surrender peacefully off screen... What I didn't like, was how there was no real character feel for Bra'tac whatsoever. He had a good rapport with that old black Jaffa guy, but where was Bra'tac's concerns over the Replicators really? Besides one single mention, nobody would've guessed that this was his first time even seeing one of the bugs... And what was with the Jaffa's reactions as well? Except for Teal'c's boast that he has beaten the Replicators in battle before, we viewers never got the impression that the Jaffa were in awe at this enemy that they've never once faced before... It really didn't feel like the Replicators were a threat at all. They were talked off screen as if they were a menace, but if the actors just don't seem to care about the lines they were saying as they were spouting their lines? Then what's really the point?...

Daniel was captured by Replicarter and subjected to the most peaceful form of torture I have ever seen... I liked how he was smart enough to actually get the fake Oma Desala to reveal herself, through that god-awful "meal candle lit" or whatever sort of Buddhist crap from way back in season four. I also liked the writers' touch, that Daniel didn't need to be completely stupid (unlike Carter) for Replicarter to get her way. She simply didn't want him to resist much (although pulling the Takara weapon of mass destruction out of his head, did sort of come out of nowhere...). Michael Shanks actually played his role very well, with the seriousness needed to make the situation feel almost real. The only problem was, I hate Oma Desala... even a fake one (plus, the actress looks different now somehow...)... and thus the dialogue in their scenes just couldn't keep my interest...

Amanda Tapping certainly did, however... As Replicarter, while a friend of mine commented that she went way over-the-top evil, I personally found her acting to be perfect for an evil, emotion-barren machine. She had a sort of slinky, evil look in her stance and posture that just felt right to me. Like she was really horny or something, and that's definitely a vibe that I like... Still, I hated how they turned her into the T-1000 (couldn't they at least have brought back Col. Sumner for that?). And I will never accept how damn stupid the real Carter and the SGC were, for giving a Replicator access to the only weapon known in the universe that can damage them, but... As for the real Samantha Carter this episode? Yeah, I was disappointed that even after a year long absence, she didn't have more than a few words with her Tok'ra father. And yeah, some of her scenes with Thor just felt off... She would basically just stand around, watch as the Replicator arm pieces would glow, and then basically just stand around some more. Not my idea of the most exciting Reckoning ever... However, she did start feeling like her old self when the Replicators boarded Thor's ship somehow. I gotta admit, that I did chuckle out loud when she came running (and beaming) into Jack's office with her cute little tank top and P90 and all... She didn't do much else but stand around and give "oh shit" looks, about being the idiot who actually trusted a Replicator. But hey, considering the actress played a double role (and was kinda pregnant while doing so), I'll definitely give her some slack...

But Jack, on the other hand?... really, what can I say about him?... On one hand, I did love some of his lines. I was baalling in laughter (pun intendeded...) at his response of "tuna" to Baal's "impudence". And even if it felt out of place, I still loved the look on his face when he said "we'll be glad" at the Replicators kicking Baal's ass... And yet on the other hand, was it me, or did Jack completely feel self-centered this episode? We all expected him to vent anger and horde grudges against Baal, for kinda torturing and killing him a thousand times over... But instead, Jack is doing the sort of human thing, by doing his absolute best to ridicule his "demon" every chance he gets. And although it sort of worked back in Zero Hour, I don't know if it worked here... The fate of the universe is at stake, and yet he basically tells Baal to shove it?... Sure, I loved the fact that Walter was trying to make smalltalk with a hologram, but did Jack really have to make the supreme system lord wait that long?... I know he's been at the sci-fi thing for a bit too long, but can't Richard Dean Anderson look a little concerned that a) Daniel was kidnapped... yet again... and b) that it was his and the SGC's fault that the Replicators are about to destroy our entire galaxy in a matter of weeks?... well, love him or hate him, guess that's Jack for you...

There a ton of things happening in Reckoning, for better and for worse... I've always dreamed of a conflict between the Replicators and Goa'uld, even if it's obvious who'd win. But seriously, we got more of a glimpse of my dream back in season five's Enemies than we did in Reckoning. Because here, all we got was a tease with blinking red dots on a screen... I've always dreamed that the rebel Jaffa would finally take it to the Goa'uld with motherships. But there wasn't even a battle in this episode. Just a lame surrender and more "oh shit, here comes Baal" looks... And yes, I was pleasantly surprised at a lot of the plot twists this episode, especially with Baal evidently working for Anubis (since when did that happen though? Wasn't Anubis stuck in orbit around earth as Baal took over his fleets?...). Anubis himself looks a hell of a lot cooler now, if only thanks to his gruesome boil of a face. And I loved most of Baal's lines this episode, if only because a) he's not an idiot when it comes to planning, and b) the SG-1 guys finally fixed the Goa'uld voices in the season... But overall, this episode just had too many things going for it all at once, that it all felt too damn rushed by the end... The Ancient weapon thing came out of nowhere. Jacob just appeared out of nowhere. Yu's death led to nowhere. And Thor just leaves on an abrupt note, with the rest of the galaxy doing about the same damn thing...

I reckon that Reckoning will definitely go down as one of my favourite episodes of SG-1's eigth season. And it definitely was good enough to get the episode of the week award from me, but... I just know, I just feel, that the episode could've been that much better... if they had only spent an extra episode or two to set things up, instead of just blitzkrieging us all in one short hour...

... then again, I'm complaining that Reckoning was too fast, while Atlantis' The Siege was too slow... Can't the two just get illegally married in Las Vegas, have their honeymoon in Slutville, and then bring back Star Trek Enterprise for a fifth damn season, please?...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Unsafe small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers) -

Well, I may have a test tomorrow... and two tests within two days, actually... and I am royally sucking in university as we speak so far, but...

... ah, hell's bells... to hell with it... because it's back... and therefore I'm back...

... and then you know what else is back then, right?... the moment you've all been waiting for...

"... Unsafe was beyond stupid. And yet?... as the noname whiner, how the hell could I not enjoy an episode where literally every single woman was a damn hot skank with a perfect body?... but I digress..."

So let's take count of the unprotected labia libidos going around here... Now, I absolutely hated Lana Lang in this episode, as always. I mean, how damn shallow and idiotic can the girl be? No matter how dirty my mind gets, I still never got the impression that Jason was talking about sex when it came to their sudden break-up... And yet she suddenly lights a bunch of candles and struts around without any pants or skirt on? Not that I'm really complaining, mind you... It's just that, I actually don't mind Jason Teague anymore, when it comes to his little plotline with his mother at least. We have a genuinely interesting, kinda Oedipal idea here, that he was paired up with Lana to get at the Kryptonian stones or whatever sort of crap... But do we really have to be bogged down by the completely annoying Lana crap each and every week then? She was so damn slutty this episode, that it even made her complete bitchiness look bearable at times... Can she at least please go back to being an over-the-top, evil and very horny witch at least?...

... oh God... something tells me the writers are dumb enough to actually take my advice and bring Isabel back... so, umm, nevermind...

Now, Chloe didn't have a large part in this episode, but it was fun to learn how much of a slut she was as well... So, she spread her legs out for Jimmy (presumably "Olsen"... or the Olsen twins...) at the Daily Planet, even though she had a thing for Clark still? Well, nice to know that she probably not only sucked at sex, but scarred Jimmy from it for life as well (he certainly wasn't getting much in the comics books later on in life at least)... I honestly didn't expect Chloe to have already done it though. And to be honest, it was kind of refreshing (in a sort of That 70's Show way) that her first time wasn't a) magical, or b) actually something she fondly remembers... Unfortunately, I pretty much know Lana's (and eventually Clark's) first times will somehow be perfect on screen, even if first times rarely ever are in real life. But still, at least Chloe threw us all a bone of a boner here, with some realism for once at least...

Unsafe was simply such a ridiculously stupid episode, that it actually ended up entertaining to me. And why?... Is it any real wonder why?...

Sarah Carter may not have the best voice out there, but damn does the actress have a perfect damn body... Her eyes may look a bit too rabbitattacky for me, but hey, her hair was done to sheer sexy perfection as far as I'm concerned. So any damn episode where she literally strips down to her bra and panties for pretty much half the show, has just got to get two very high rise thumbs up from me... And to be honest? Yeah, she had a bit of chemistry with Clark. Not funny chemistry like he has with Lois, but at least the two of them don't seem like brother and sister when they're smooching on the coach... I liked how she was a tease when it came to transporting onto the bed. And although we'll never figure out how she knew about red kryptonite, it was still nice to know that she had quite the obsessive mindset going on in the back of her pretty little head...

A lot of things definitely bogged down this episode though, to sheer levels of stupidity... The side villain of the ironically obsessed psychiatrist, has just got to be one of the lamest villains the show has ever seen (yes, even compared to their freaks of the week)... And WTF was wrong with Ms. Martha Kent Stewart this episode? Clark was drugged up on red kryptonite, and yet she was acting as if he willingly went to Vegas to have same sex marriage or some sort of crap like that? WTF?... The Lex and Lionel plotline was decent I suppose. I still refuse to believe that Lionel is actually being honest about his miracle change of ways, especially since he must've seen Clark Kent just disappear in front of him during that prison riot scene not too long ago... Still, the acting between the two was impeccable, the Luthors I mean. It's just that, I don't like where the plotline is going between the two... unless a great plot twist is really in the midst of things...

The only thing I actually did like about Unsafe, was the simple fact that Alicia Baker was damn hot, and she was kinda cute with Clark as well... The skating scene was just so naively ridiculous, that it actually did make me smirk at the sight of Superman unable to ice skate... And some little romantic touches had a nice Valentine's Day feel to them as well, such as the warming of the hot chocolate for the insane girl that Clark inexplicable seemed to suddenly like again... The marriage in Vegas was just so damn over the top, that I actually did fall in love with the sheer stupidity of the scene. And the end of the episode left off with a good question... Alicia is obviously obsessed with Clark enough to take a bullet for him, and Clark obviously seems to feel comfortable enough around her (no matter what she does, it seems...). Will she become a recurring character on the show then? Or will something undoubtedly go wrong, and we'll be back to the god-awful Clark and Lana show yet again...

Yeah... just replace Lana with Alicia, Pete with Lois Lane (wait... already done...), and Chloe with... well, a hotter version of Chloe, with a decent (or indecent...) plotline at least...

... and then maybe, just maybe, you'll have a show worth watching... instead of just an show worth reviewing, and unsafely wasting my time on each and every week...

I certainly wasn't expecting much from this episode... I mean, how many times has Star Trek Enterprise (let alone Star Trek as a whole), done episodes where crewmen are taken over by higher dimensional beings, and/or a mysterious infection spreads amongst the crew?... I most certainly was expecting to lambaste and chastise this episode, for being cliche and an utter rip off, of every single, old skool TOS episode ever made... I was sure as hell, as soon as I read the synopsis for Observer Effect, that I certainly wouldn't be observing its effects with good will and tidings...

But damn, in the end, was I ever surprised and impressed... just like the two beings were with Archer, I guess...

Observer Effect may have been absolutely the best bottle episode that I have ever seen Star Trek Enterprise do, and probably one of the best since Deep Space 9 last left the airwaves... Now, not every character on the show got to grow (Reed and Mayweather, in this case), but at least for once, every single actor and actress on the set really got a real chance to shine...

Dominic Keating played the role of the evil, callous, British alien to sheer perfection. Hell, he even got a WTF reaction from me, as he casually talked about death while beating poor Mayweather at chess a dozen times in a row... I was even more impressed with Anthony Montgomery actually. Not that his acting was great, since his emotional range is still about the same as a five year old's. But still... Finally, they threw the actor a bone. And his innocent, high pitched and sometimes whiny voice, really worked wonders well as the sometimes pompous, and sometimes too caring higher being alien, watching the Enterprise crew as if he was a tree-hugging scientist in an animal testing lab... No single scene really stood out for the two actors in quality. But for the first time in probably the entire history of Enterprise, there was not a single scene in an entire bottle episode, where the dialogue ever once felt weak or uninspired...

Like I said, every actor on the show finally got a chance to shine... Hoshi finally got to strut her Maxim stuff. And hot damn, was it wrong for me to find her hot, when she was sweating like a slut from her ever silicon sickness? But I digress... It was weird to hear that she was quite the rebel in Star Fleet Academy too. I mean, it's not unheard of, for meek and mild-mannered Asians to earn black belts in martial arts. But to run gambling rings and break a superior's arm? Umm... are we sure we still have the same Hoshi here?... But even if the characterization was a bit off, the actress truly showed her true range this episode. I may never understand why the hell her delusional mind tried to escape through an airlock, but I loved all the languages she was spouting at the time. And no matter how fugly and lame jokes got between her and Trip, her slight little snicker of a gorgeous smile always made the scenes feel that much brighter to me. She had beautiful timing and rhythm this episode, and hell, she even looked snug and beautiful underneath that blanket of hers... She even played a decent Malcolm Reed impression, when her dead body was possessed by the more anal of the two incorporeal aliens (mmm... anal...). The little, rebel, spunky spitfire really should talk back to Archer more... somehow, it suits the actress...

T'Pol was hit and miss this episode. I liked how she channeled a bit of Reed herself, when possessed by the ass of the two aliens. But her reactions to Trip's ensuring demise were a bit off for my tastes... I mean, as he was laying near death in sickbay, I really couldn't tell whether her 'deer-in-the-headlights' look meant a) she cared for Trip, or b) she just wanted Archer's job, now that he was going to die too. Although I did finally get my answer when she asked to be notified if or when Trip regained consciousness... Trip Tucker meanwhile didn't have much to do with T'Pol for once. Hell, he barely even winced at her as she was staring like her usual deer self through the decon chamber window... However, he had absolute wonderful chemistry with Linda Park this time around. And no matter how cheesy it got, I still got a slight chuckle from her duct tape remark, and from his unscrewing of the turkey dinner table. I mean, to be that immature at the age of 24? How could you not like the Pecan Pie, deathbed of a man then?... Connor Trinneer had great chemistry with Scott Bakula as well, no matter whether he was playing Trip or the nicer of the two aliens... He actually did sound like the naive Mayweather at times. And it's always great to see the friendship back between the captain and his best friend... even if it was spoken more with glances, tears, and gruffy facial expressions than actual words...

But really, the two stars of this episode were Captain Archer and Dr. Phlox... Phlox certainly hasn't had much screen time this season so far, except for playing the cliche blowfish (if that counts as cliche...)... But I absolutely loved his scene with the possessed Archer and T'Pol. John Billingsley looked absolutely "appalled" at the two aliens' actions. And the mere look on his face, when he realized there was nothing he could do (since his memory would just be wiped out)? His helplessness was just perfect, and made for one of the strongest scenes since the Augment Arc early on in the season... And as for Captain Archer? While Jonathan (and Phlox, to some extent) bugged me with their hypocrisy (asking for compassion, when they single-handedly destroyed an entire race back in season one's Dear Doctor), I still must admit that I loved the big ass speechifying Kirk-moment at the end. Archer really hammered through a good point to the Organians, one that the ascended Ancients back on Stargate should learn as well... Why the hell were the incorporeal beings equating compassion with intelligence, when they were showing no compassion themselves? Sure, they have a prime director to follow... but seeing people die for 10000 years from a single disease, has got to show something of the callousness and cockiness of the species...

... too bad I never saw the original series Trek episode that dealt with the inevitable "first contact"... because for once, I actually do feel like observing an old TOS episode... just for once...

... which to my utter surprise, ended up as one of the best episodes of Star Trek Enterprise this entire season to date... not to mention my personal favourite episode of the week...

Y2kk Update: - Stargate Atlantis: The Gift and Stargate SG-1: Citizen Joe Reviews (Spoilers) -

Well, the first ever season for Stargate Atlantis is finally winding down... and the thing is, even if I said it before, I'll say it again...

The first season of Stargate Atlantis, has been absolutely the best year of Stargate that I've ever seen, since at least the second season of SG-1...

I mean, even when the episodes aren't great, SGA still manages to pull through, in ways that almost no sci-fi series can... Now, The Gift certainly wasn't the best of Stargate Atlantis episodes. And hell, maybe in my honest opinion at least, it was one of the worst... But the worst for SGA, is still way better than pretty much everything that SG-1 has produced all season long. And it definitely proved to be an entertaining episode for me, on more than one front...

So, they finally threw Teyla a bone and devoted to her an entire episode? Makes sense, since The Gift actually did make her character rather interesting for once... It was a story about her past, her lineage, and what it means to know that there's evil inside of you... Sheppard is our manifestation of "good", having a perfect version of the Ancient gene and all. And Teyla turns out (ironically, considering their argument last week) to be our manifestation of inner evil, with Wraith DNA inside her, and a new reason to fear her and all... It made for some interesting moments, with Sheppard feeling a bit inadequate that he's now not the only one with the fancy mind technology powers anymore. And Teyla?... well, I found her nightmares to be a complete bore. Any dream outside of the Joss Whedon universe is too straight forward for me... But her talks with Dr. Heightmeyer certainly weren't bad. The actress really showed a nice sense of vulnerability there, while reverting back to her complete badass bitchiness when it came to being Wraith possessed... not bad for one day's work...

... plus, I loved the look on Sergeant Bates' face, when he took that bitch down... and speaking of bitches that I want to take down....

... as for the aptly named Dr. Kate Heightmeyer (who definitely gives my Oscar Meyer a high rise for the hills...)... I don't understand how the hell Stargate Atlantis can keep getting so many attractive women on their sets. They just do somehow, with Sheppard having a Kirk effect or something... Though to be honest, I really did hate Kate. As a psychologist, she always finished her sentences with those annoying questions a psychologist must ask. And her hair and clothes were just too damn perfect and attractive, considering evil life sucking aliens were on their way to eat her brains out... Still, I never really felt like any of her scenes with Teyla were forced. And the doc certainly did put me to sleep (in a good way... with sexy results...) with her sexcraft hypnosis as well... And was it me, or was it that whenever Kate and Weir were in the same room, the doctor would stare at Elizabeth with burning, lesbian intent in her eyes? Or, well, maybe it was just me... and that definitely gets three high thumbs up from me...

Teyla was alright this episode. Her character did become a lot more important to the story, and her "oh shit" looks at the end (about the Wraith's master Earth plans) did send a chill or two down my spine... But what really kept the story together, were all the little parts done down the stretch by every other character on the show... Now, Dr. Weir was her annoying self, when it came to caring about Teyla's safety. But hey, she translated Wraith in a few hours somehow. And you gotta love how the actress seems to have lesbian chemistry, with pretty much any hot woman the SGA writers get on set... Lt. Ford was only in a few scenes, but I still chuckled at his "a litttle what?" moments on that alien, ominous, evil planet... And Dr. Beckett? Finally, he gets a good episode for himself again, even if his only decent comedy came from babbling technobabble to a farm girl... I guess his theory did make sense (although it's a far cry from canon so far). Life sucking bugs would eventually suck the DNA from humans or Ancients, evolve into sentient beings over the 30 million or so years that the Ancients were in Pegasus, and then learn their writing and technology from the Ancients using their telepathic interrogation methods or whatever... I'm sure there will be more to the story eventually, but finally the Wraith are starting to make much more sense on the series...

Because once again, MacKay made me laugh every single scene he was in... Zelenka kicked his ass in Wraith ProLine. And is MacKay really going out with Dr. Heightmeyer? Because if he wasn't bluffing, then she really must not be interested in him, considering she didn't even look in his direction when he left... And Major Sheppard? Well, in the latter half of the episode, he became his boring self of trying to get Teyla to keep going through the hypnosis process. But before all that happened, he certainly had a few decent lines of his own. I almost felt bad for poor Teyla, as she was ordered to take a "nap". Although I certainly didn't feel bad for her, as she literally got her butt kicked and her ass spanked in sexy, sexcraft fighting... with sexy results...

The Gift was maybe one of the worst episodes of SGA so far, but that's not saying much, considering it was still one of the best episodes that Stargate has produced in years... It may have been a bottle episode, but it definitely wasn't filler. We learned about the Ancient weapons chair at Atlantis, we learned about Teyla's Wraith abilities, we learned that the Alpha site has been compromised already, and we learned that Dr. Heightmeyer and Dr. Weir will definitely get it on one day... with sexy results... or at least, that's what I learned...

Now, SG-1's episode of Citizen Joe may not be able to take the best-episode-so-far-of-the-week award, away from Stargate Atlantis... afterall, I was dreading this episode for the longest time. Stargate SG-1 may produce some of the best clip shows ever made, but alas, they're still just clip shows...

But really, Citizen Joe ended up being one of the funniest episodes I have ever seen from SG-1, ever... This was a true episode for the message board, long term fans... though I know exactly how the message boards will react to this one...

Half of the die-fans will love it, for making light-hearted fun of them, and bringing back all the good memories from the past seven and eight years... Most of the new fans probably wouldn't get it, considering you really have to know the past seven or six years of the show, to get most of the in-jokes... and then of course, you have the dark side of the die-hard fans, who hated episodes like Point of No Return and Wormhole Xtreme, for making fun of them and the rest of their overzealous, overserious fanbase...

... but as for me?... well, as the no-name nostalgic, do you really have to ask where I stand?...

I love making fun of the message board fanboys, and I loved this episode for doing so... We got references to obscure long lost arcs, like The Furlings ("sound like Ewoks") and Reetou. We got mentions of "Holiday", "The Light", and "The Sentinel" (which I agree with the writers with - all those episode did suck...). Plus, I saw that movie already - it hits Paris... We got the wife, Sharlene, providing exactly the kind of feminist criticism of the show that fancies and diddy dances all over the entire net. She prefers episodes with "interpersonal" and team interactions, comments that SG-1 no longer had the same team dynamic by the fourth and fifth seasons, and even left the show (Joe) when Daniel was replaced by Jonas! Now that's just pure gold... Seeing Joe break down after seeing Daniel's death was just plain ridiculously fun, for long time viewers like me. I mean, just read any old female message board threads back in the day, and then you suddenly realize why the writers have completely relegated Pete Shanahan and Jonas Quinn to just mere mentions in probably their best SG-1 clip show ever made...

Citizen Joe will never be one of my favourite episodes of course, since it just had too many boring parts in between his masterful moments of Stargate fanboyism... I'm sorry, but cutting hair, seeing his small son age ten whole years within 3, and listening to guys try to pronounce "Goa'uld", did create a lot of nasty troughs for the episode to trench through... All the scenes where he was writing his stories (and getting them all rejected) were a nice nod to the writers (their poor show is still on cable, afterall), but they just didn't keep me as entertained as the rest of the episode seemed to do... (though the return of Wormhole Xtreme, definitely put a smile on my face... but cancelled after one episode? Damn, poor Martin Lloyd must be back to the pill popping, I guess)...

Citizen Joe most likely struck a schism between the message board fanatics of the show... but if there's absolutely one thing we can all agree on? It's that the last fifteen minutes of the show were great comedic entertainment for all, no matter how long you've been watching the series...

Everything in those final scenes, from Joe's passe mention of Jonas, to Daniel's quick "thank you... Jack?!", to the lovely reminder that O'Neill's place has been broken into twice in two weeks, had me pretty much rolling on the floor in laughter... Joe doing the arm shake thing with Teal'c had me balling on the floor even harder. And c'mon, who on earth didn't laugh, at just how damn bad Jack's and Daniel's hair were in the flashback archiving scene?... with obviously sexy results (well, not for me... ahem... umm, yeah...)...

And while the mere thought, that Jack has been experiencing the boring life of a bowling barber in Indiana for 7 years straight, without ever thinking it was weird, is probably the stupidest they've ever made the character before... it was also the most stupidly hilarious moment I think SG-1 has produced all year... And I couldn't help but watch that scene all over again, just to see the precious reactions on Daniel's and Sam's faces all over again...

Citizen Joe was truly an episode for the long term, nostalgic fans. And as the no-name nostalgic, I was more than appeased... And if this was the last season of SG-1 to ever air? Then I'd think Citizen Joe would've been a great clip show to pretty much end it all, if only as one final nod to all the loyal fans...

... but it's not the final season of SG-1 quite yet... and it's not the final episode of the eighth season just quite yet either... and episodes like Citizen Joe (not to mention the entire first 2/3 of the season) have been just so low budget, that it really gives me hope... that SG-1 will go on a real spending spree of pure characterization and action, with the last five episodes remaining in the season...

I caught a $4 showing of In Good Company this afternoon, for three main reasons actually... a) The premise of the movie did seem pretty interesting, with a 26-year old boss dating the college daughter of his 51-year old "wingman"... b) even if I hated Lost in Translation, I did think Scarlett Johansson was pretty damn hot (hell, I even thought she was cute in Eight Legged Freaks... but that's a story for another day)...

The thing is, In Good Company was neither bad nor good. It was both the best and worst of both worlds actually, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean... I mean, on the bright side, it was better than Elektra... But on the other hand? Well, that sure as hell ain't saying much...

If you're going into the theatre expecting a comedy, then expect to come away really disappointed... I think there were only two moments that I really laughed out loud. With the Porsche 911 being absolutely the funniest moment of the movie, and maybe the basketball game being the other (I have been in an NBA mood afterall, with the NHL lockout and all...)... Sure, there were always little moments in the movie that did get a snicker out of me or whatever. Watching Carter squirm his way into his office after sleeping with Dennis Quaid's daughter, did provide a smirk or two on my frozen Canadian cheek (damn -20C temperatures today...)... but those moments were sure as hell too far and between...

... heh... Scarlett dumped his ass, either because of her father, or because Carter said he loved her...

Because if you're going into movie theatre, expecting a romantic comedy?... well, I'm sorry then... Scarlett Johansson was alright this movie, when she was sipping Starbucks while playing tennis, or not knowing what her father was trying to get at when it came to the pregnancy test... But if you came into the theatre, expecting either a happy, sappy ending, or even a hot Scarlett Johansson? Well, I for one left disappointed... Lipstick, weird hairstyles, and fancy jewelery definitely aren't becoming of her... And while many on the internet lauded the ending to the movie, for not being cliche Hollywood, I actually found it to be too cliche, Hollywood-anti-Hollywood, if you know what I mean... There was no happy ending, yet there was? I don't know... I don't like endings where there's just hope. Either make it happy, or make it sad. I hated it in Sideways, and I hated it here... Maybe that's just an irrational preference of mine, but still, I'm just not exactly a fan of inbetweens...

But with that said... well, while I was hoping for a light-hearted comedy with some serious moments here and there, I didn't exactly get what I wanted... But as a not-so-subtle commentary on corporate America? Then I guess In Good Company might just be your thing... it was much better than a goddam Micheal Moore movie, at least...

It was definitely one of the better movies I've seen, at depicting what life is like for both the employer and employees, when cut offs and bottom lines become the main thing... When Morty and Lou were fired? Just the juxtaposition between their two reactions at their old friend, made the scene definitely feel more real somehow... And Dennis Quaid did a pretty damn fine job as the ousted boss as well. At times, I didn't feel his character developed enough - it seemed that he only suddenly matured, after he punched his boss in the face. Ironically enough... His "constipated" look the whole movie was a bit tiresome. And his pride definitely was annoying - why the hell would he get himself fired, when he has a baby and a second mortgage on the way?... But somehow, it all did feel pretty natural, considering he was now second in command to a boy only half his age... the boy he never had...

Now, to be honest, I'm quite the fan of the business world. And hell, except for some extreme circumstances, I'm quite the fan of globalization as well (although that statement alone would get my head sliced off in university...)... But I absolutely, vehemently hate convergence in technology. And that's exactly what this movie points out best... Dennis Quaid is the old timer "dinosaur", who knows that humble seats at Lakers games, and a nice shiner on a young upstart, are exactly the kinds of things that old timer buyers need to be persuaded... Meanwhile, Topher Grace of That 70's Show fame, ironically goes all new age technological crap on everyone, even offering cereal box ad space to an old man who just wants to stick with what used to work in the 70s... I may not have found In Good Company to be in good company when it came to comedy, but I definitely did find some decent moments to be a rather witty satire of real life (the dinosaur cellphones for toddlers, for example...). I mean, sure I found the boss guy's comment of feeling "used" and a "placeball" at the end to be rather corny and cliche, but it definitely did hit home the central theme of the movie... although I don't really agree with the moral (Topher learning maturity was definitely enough to roll my eyes)...

The one thing that I really did enjoy about this film however, was its lovely Oedipal Complex in full swing. I mean, just think about it... You have an old man who never had a son. You then had a young boss who never had a father... The young man then desperately invites himself to a home cooked dinner at his "wingman's" home (which come to think of it, was a hilariously funny moment as well...), only to end up boning the daughter he meets there a few months later... which separates the daughter from the father, naturally... So if you think of Dan Foreman as the father figure, and Carter as the son, then essentially Carter is boning his own sister and breaking up the loving family by doing so... While most of the public may choose to enjoy the film simply for its more light-hearted moments, I personally can't help but smirk and smile at the fact... that any decent romance in a film, is an incest fest at best... and I'm lovin' it, but I digress...

I suppose Topher and Scarlett had some good chemistry with each other. I liked how brutally honest he was in her home... and just their general speech awkwardness, while playing foosball or shaking his leg at cafe coffee, definitely had a more "realistic" tone to it than most romantic comedies you see these days... and I suppose if you add in Dennis Quaid into the mix, as the third party (like the audience, in this case), rolling his eyes and groaning at the two young lovers holding hands, then maybe In Good Company is worth a watch or two... if only because Johansson in those tennis scenes was kind of hot...

But no, the movie definitely wasn't the greatest thing since sliced bread or dinosaur cellphones, as some film critics on the net seem to claim... To be honest, it wasn't much better than Elektra was. As the good scenes in In Good Company, just couldn't keep a smile on my face for the two hours that I paid them to do so...

Still, as a commentary on corporate America, and perhaps just for the laughs at seeing a desperate businessman attempt to slow down his life, then maybe In Good Company really is in good company... as long as they don't sell that company to Teddy K as well, but I digress...

Y2kk Update: - Nintendo's / Retro Studios' Metroid Prime 2: Echoes Nintendo Gamecube Review (Spoilers) -

The original Metroid Prime was absolutely my favourite game of 2002, and I definitely wasn't alone in that assessment... Just take a look at Gamerankings if you want any proof of Retro Studios' undisputed greatness, for Metroid Prime still stands as the highest, most critically acclaimed game of this entire generation of consoles...

Of course, just like every critical success out there, Metroid Prime certainly had its haters... The four greatest complaints about the game, were simply that a) it wasn't Super Metroid in 2D, b) it had a ton of backtracking, c) it didn't use dual shock controls, and d) it wasn't Halo... but none of the above were ever a real concern for me. None of them Phazon phased me - not back in 2002 at least...

I was never a fan of Metroid in 2D in the first place. Hell, Metroid Prime was the first ever Metroid game that I loved and cherished to death... I've never minded backtracking in video games. I am a Zelda fan afterall. And MP was simply immersive and addicting as hell, to find so many secrets in places that looked so damn barren the first time through... And because I hated dual shock controls until I forced myself to learn them for Halo, I had absolutely no problems with the unique control scheme in Metroid Prime. Hell, I still think MP has the best damn first person jumping I have ever seen in a game, period... And as for Metroid Prime not being Halo? Well... while Halo was an absolute blast in multiplayer, it just couldn't quell my desire for a great single player epic. Metroid Prime truly was the definitive single player experience of this entire generation of gaming, and definitely one of my favourite games of all time...

And Metroid Prime 2: Echoes was definitely a follow-up worthy of the Metroid name...

... unfortunately though, some of the inherent flaws in the Metroid Prime formula, are definitely starting to show their age...

When I first played Metroid Prime back in 2002 (back when my local Future Shop clerks shrugged, "What's a Matroid Prime?", when I asked for a copy of the game...), it was truly a revolutionary experience. Because just like with the first transitions from 2D to the 3D world for the Mario and Zelda franchises, there's just something magical... and something so nostalgic... about seeing your old Super Nintendo classics come to life in a full 3D universe... and it was truly a captivating experience, one that I've never forgotten... for better or worse, in this case...

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes is still an extremely solid game. And hell, I already proved my love for the franchise, as MP2E is the first ever game that I've reviewed after I've already given it an award for 2nd best game of the year... But yeah, to my disappointment, it wasn't my favourite game of 2004. It was still a polished game as hell, with some of the greatest gameplay mechanics I've ever had to privilege to play in this generation of gaming, but... It did feel like a rehash of the first game in many respects... Because to be honest? I'm not quite sure if it lived up to the incredible standards that the first Metroid Prime set in my mind as well...

Metroid Prime 2 just didn't feel like enough of a Metroid game to me at times, you know? Sort of like how I didn't like Majora's Mask compared to Zelda: Ocarina of Time... MP2E felt like a sidestory, with locations like Torvus Bog, which just didn't have the distinct flavour that the Magma and Pendrana Drifts areas had in the first game... I mean, sure some can complain that fire and ice locations are just plain cliche these days, but I personally found them nostalgic. And MP2E's areas just can't compare, especially since I don't think there was a single background song that I actually did start humming in this game... All the areas had a sort of generic feel to them, no matter how nice the running sand and waterfalls looked on my television screen... And the Dark Ing World? Well, it looked exciting on paper, like a nice throw-back to A Link to the Past. And I did like some puzzles that interfluxed between the two worlds, but... Just the sheer ugliness of the dark world, combined with the facts that a) your light ammo is severely limited, and b) even with the Dark Suit, you still don't really have the time to leisurely explore and sightsee, made it into probably my least favourite landscape of the Metroid Prime series to date...

As for the plotline... While I loved the Space Trooper scenes (zombies in a Metroid game? WTF?), I just didn't care one bit for the Luminoth and their conflict with the Ing. And for the first time in a Nintendo franchise, I really did wish there was voice acting, even if it would've all been in an alien dialect... The only part of the storyline that I did like, was the return of Metroid Prime, in your own Phazon Suit no less. And those scenes definitely didn't disappoint, especially not at the end... but I'll talk about that a little later...

Now, I definitely loved some of the new moves in the game. I found it a relief that I got my double jumping back in this game so early on, and I certainly didn't mind the five simultaneous missile lock-on feature either... The screw attack made a faithful return from the 2D days of old. And while it's not the easiest thing in the world to climb towers with the maneuver, it's definitely pretty damn sweet seeing the effect in full 3D... The echo visor was probably my favourite damn addition to the game. The effect of seeing your enemies in sound is just so damn cool, that it even beats the crap out of the X-ray visor that it replaced from the original. Problem is, the sound visor wasn't required for use nearly enough in the game, but that didn't stop me from gawking and aweing at little Metroids with it all the time...

But for every great addition to the game, there was alaways quite a few things that the Retro Studios programmers changed for the sake of change, even if no change was ever needed... Take the weapons in this game for example. I don't mind the fact that light weapons affect dark world creatures, and dark weapons affect light world characters. But I do hate the fact that both weapons use up ammo (not to mention that the Annihilator beam uses ammo from both weapons, like if it was a 1960's gas guzzler or something...). And I do hate the fact that both weapons are basically just the wave beam and ice beam respectively, with only a colour change in between... The dark beam was completely useless to me, except for freezing Metroids up their asses. I relied on just the light beam and the super missile the entire game through, and somehow... I don't know, compared to the skills and strategies needed with all weapons in the original? Then something in the sequel just didn't feel right...

Now, I still loved the backtracking in Metroid Prime 2 Echoes, no matter what the detractors say. Because there's just something so damn satisfying, by finally having the ability to grapple beam (the best ability in the entire game still) or screw jump (Samus sure loves to screw...), all the way to a hidden energy tank location that you never once thought existed before... But I cannot stress enough just how dumb Retro Studios was, for forcing us to find three Dark Temple keys for each damn temple you come across. While most keys were in obvious positions, some were not, and it was a bitch pain in the ass to have to go through the dreaded dark world in order to find them all... The only part of the original Metroid Prime that I hated, was the goddam artifact collecting. So why the hell did Retro Studios bring it back in full, multiplied by three? I will never know...

As for Dual Shock controls... In single player, I don't give a damn about dual shock controls. They just wouldn't really work for double jumping or the screw attack, and they probably would've made most boss battles into pure FPS jokes (more on that later...)... But if there's one thing that I do agree with the detractors on, it's the crappy multiplayer in this game. Because I'm sorry... Without bots, and without dual shock controls, I had absolutely no fun playing deathmatches or coin battles with my cousins the other month. All we did was lock onto to each, miss a dozen times, and then missile each other to death until we got bored. And we got bored quick... Sure, I didn't want a Quake 3 clone. I've always hated that game with a passion... But how about something slow and steady, like the original Halo then? Even without bots in that game, the sheer balance of the weapons and dual shock aiming, made for an unparalleled experience. And I was hoping for the same from Metroid Prime 2 Echoes, only to realize that, yeah... the haters were actually right for once...

... let me just say once again, that Metroid Prime 2 Echoes is still one of the best damn games I've played this entire generation of gaming...

First, the combat in this game... While it bugs me a bit that thanks to limited light and dark ammo, I never feel the same feeling of empowerment over regular enemies, as I did in the original Metroid Prime. But... at the same time, I love the fact that Metroid Prime 2 just feels so much more suspenseful and dangerous than the first Prime ever did... Take the huge Sheegoth-like creatures in Torvus Bog for example. When I first saw them standing outside of the once safe save station that I always used, I tried taking them out with missiles, only to find that they surrounded me and pretty much gnawed me to death. I then ran into the water for safety, only for the two bastards to come screaming down after me, giving me a truly "holy fucking shit" reaction for the first time since the original Metroid Prime... And while certain enemies elicit more of a "damn annoying buggers" sort of reaction, I still find combat extremely engaging every time I face a Dark Pirate Crusader, or the much improved look of the Jet Pack Space Pirates... Because if there's definitely one thing that MP2E excels at, even above its predecessor, it's the challenge factor of the game...

In a sense, the added challenge was a mixed bag for the Metroid Prime series. And just take the dreaded Boost Ball Guardian, for example... It was university exam time for me at the time. And after losing five straight times to the Boost Ball Guardian? I simply put my controller down, went back to studying, and actually never picked up the game again for two damn weeks... But when I finally did? Yeah, it was damn satisfying, to finally be able to kick the living ass out of that fucker with a clear mind. I never once thought about constantly double jumping over the asshole's boost balls before, for some damn reason... And just like so many damn bosses out there? As long as you saved pretty close to the boss battle, then, well... facing all the enemies in the game, from the awesome looking Phazon Suit Samus (best enemy since Ridley, by far), to even the Ing Emperor (who most MP2E players didn't seem to enjoy...), it's all such a truly epic experience. And perhaps even a greater one than the original Metroid Prime was, all things considered...

So many of the little things were improved in this game... While I almost still wished for cinematics to fill in for the Space Pirate logs, I must admit that scanning is a hell of of a lot easier in this game than it was in the original. It all runs so much faster and so much smoother, and the colour coding makes scanning for secret entrances into something truly enjoyable for once... And the morph ball puzzles? While I'll always prefer the grapple beam over the morph ball, I must admit that I just loved boosting my way through half pipes, and bombing my way through energy tank puzzles in MP2E. Somehow, being in a tiny little ball didn't seem as boring as it did in the first game. If only because a naked Samus in the fetal position, has just got be worth something in this day and age... but, ahem... I digress...

There are just so many things that this game did right. From the picture perfect graphics (which are far more crisp and far more colourful, even moreso than Halo 2 on my TV), to some of the best damn sound effects I've ever heard on the Gamecube, Metroid Prime 2 can really only be summed up as "an experience", one that I will never forget... Just take the first encounter (or any encounter, really) with the Phazon Samus, and watch yourself simply be amazed at the absolute jaw dropping magic that Retro Studios is able to pull off... I mean seriously, this game was just plain beautiful. Whether it was played on my 36" CRT or my 43" Projection Screen, it still kicked the absolute crap out of every other game on the Gamecube (except Wind Waker), the original Metroid Prime definitely included...

But yes, there were faults with this game... and unfortunately for the tone of this noname review of mine, I concentrated far more on the negatives than I did on the overwhelming positives of this sequel... Because yeah, this was a sequel. And as a sequel to what will probably still stand as the best game of this entire generation of gaming, of course it would only be natural to be disappointed...

And considering my exceedingly high expectations? Then that's saying a hell of a lot...

Metroid Prime 2 Echoes was absolutely one of my favourite games of all of 2004, one of the best years ever for gaming...

'When you're watching Elektra, and wishing you were seeing Halle Berry in Catwoman instead, then you know something is wrong...'

Absolutely the best part of a terrible movie released to public, is watching all the critics attempt to outdo each other in their witty, sniveling, conniving reviews of flat-out dead-panning... and Elektra was definitely no exception to the rule... and I couldn't help myself...

Sometimes, a guy just has an urge to see a horrible, horrible movie, to get the bad flick syndrome out of bloodstream... not to mention the fact that Jennifer Garner, the pretty red tease that she is, has still the best damn hottest hair in Hollywood today...

... now, Elektra wasn't nearly as bad of a film as all the critics claim it is...

... I mean, when you almost wish you were watching Daredevil instead? Then yeah, you definitely know something is wrong...

Elektra has possibly the worst script ever written to mankind, outside of the Python series at least. I mean, it was just flat out embarrassing for Jennifer Garner to try to spew out lines like "old man", and "you speak in Riddles", in absolutely the most "I'm only here for a paycheck" sort of feeling that I've ever heard before in my entire life... And oh dead God, it's not like any of her other co-stars had much better lines. Her sensei was absolutely the most horrid sounding master I have ever endured in my life, with his only decent moment being a game of pool... And the villains? WTF were up with the villains? Did they have any personality whatsoever, except to pose as red shirts for Elektra to kick ass and take names with?...

I admit that I don't know much about the Elektra mythos, but I do know a bit of the Hand (and it's relationship with the X-men through Psylocke in the comic books). They are the evil Japanese corporation straight out of post-WW2 Cold War fear. And at least in the comic book, their sheer numbers of kamikaze kind of ninja-style warriors, proved far more interesting than they are in the film... Because in Elektra? Let's see here... The council literally does nothing but sit around their table and kill themselves (or I assume, the disgruntled employee did so after learning of his failure). Meanwhile, the "freak" enemies of the week had absolutely no threatening personalities whatsoever... Tattoo was alright, considering the special effects for his tattoos come to life were decent. But his death scene was just pathetic, and I seriously doubt he even had a single line in the entire movie... That poison gal, whatever her name was, was the former "treasure" as far as we learned. But seriously, I couldn't take her seriously. Not when her only offensive move was literally going lesbian on Jennifer Garner (not that I wouldn't have done the same, mind you, but still...)... Stone was somehow crushed by a tree, against all odds... And the head Japanese guy, whatever his name was?... uggh... Does he not watch Austin Powers or something? He literally just stands there for seemingly hours as his enemy finally gathers the intelligence just to stab him when he's monologuing? Jeez, even the Blade series had better villains than this joke of a movie...

... I've honestly seen better Stargate SG-1 episodes than Elektra... which doesn't come as a surprise, considering how much the two have in common...

Is it me, or does every single island and Japanese village in Elektra look like it was filmed right out of British Columbia?... And oh, I see Colin Cunningham tried to engrave his name into the movie business. Poor Major Davis of SG-1 fame reduced himself to playing McCabe in this movie, and got his head (and screen time) chopped off for his well intentioned effort... Kirsten Prout (who played a little Jaffa Amazonian girl on SG-1 last season) was perhaps the only redeeming feature of this movie. She was cute to me a year ago, and she was pretty damn hot to me when I watched this movie, regardless of age... but I'll talk about her later...

Because Elektra was really meant to be all about Jennifer Garner... and it's just a complete shame, that it actually did turn out to be all about Jennifer Garner... I never thought she'd pull something off that's even worse than Alias. But I stand corrected... oh, do I ever stand corrected...

I'll give her one thing: she looks damn hot in her red Elektra get-up. But you can just fondle the advertisements for this film, rather than see the actual movie for that... The thing is, Elektra as a whole felt like it was made completely knowing that Jennifer Garner only had a weekend or something to film the damn thing. The movie was too damn short, and for whatever scenes she was in, she barely felt like a part of them... Most of the action sequences looked like a stunt double trying to fit into her clothes. And the rest of the scenes she was in? It was all Kill Bill-esque power walks, without the coolness factor of it all in the end... It was as if the director knew his film would only end up to be half an hour long worth of content, and decided to add in a ton of slo-mo, hoping the guys in the audience wouldn't notice that we were all watching stills of Jennifer Garner in action...

The script in this movie was just plain awful. Having to go through practically half an hour of the same damn flashback sequence, over and over and goddam over again, has just got to be the most gut-wrenching punishment a movie writer has ever inflicted on a very horny male audience... And watching Jennifer Garner go all maternal instinct like that? God, she couldn't even pull off the yoga scene right. She was supposed to look like she cared for the girl, and yet I was pulling my hair out, at just how damn forced every single smile and snicker Jennifer Garner tried to release, to seem happy... And oh dear God, don't even get me started on the so-called 'romance' the film. Let's put it this way - the writers expected two attractive people to suddenly get it on, with no backstory or real reason whatsoever... Mark Miller and Elektra absolutely had zero chemistry whatsoever. God, it was even worse than Pearl Harbor. And that's saying something... Their romance came literally out of nowhere, with the most cheesy "I'm sorry" crap sort of lines I've ever heard since... well, 13 Going on 30, actually...

The only true saving grace of Elektra, was the potential it showed for Kirsten Prout... Abby Miller wasn't exactly a great fighter. When she was battling all those snakes, her little whiplash thing certainly wasn't very effective. And it was certainly rushed and idiotic story writing, that made her leave the good guy base just to get her ass handed to her in the first place... And when she "changed her appearance"? Hmm, I never would've thought that just letting down your hair, and making yourself 10x more attractive and 10x more noticeable (to us guys, at least), helped to hide you from the Hand. I'll remember that, the next time I'm with a hot girl...

Because yes, Kirsten Prout (as young as she is) does look damn hot. And for an actress of her age, I thought she handled herself very well... She had a good fighting stance against those poor training bastards in white, who had their asses handed to them over and over again throughout the film. Abby also had a decent one-way rapport with Elektra at least - Garner just couldn't act, but Prout's 21st century teen talk during the Christmas dinner, provided probably the only decent dialogue the entire movie seemed to have... Now, sure I rolled my eyes at her "I'm just a kid" cliche line. But considering the actress herself can still be considered a kid? I kind of felt sorry for her then, that she was stuck in a movie of this 'caliber' in the first place... She has far more potential and passion than Elektra as a film or lesbian can ever provide. Because given her awful constraints and woefully written dialogue, I actually thought she looked more badass (and more real) than Elektra ever did, when she whipped out that cute little glowing chain of hers, and starting laying the smackdown on that noname member of the Hand in the woods... The actress really surprised me with how much she actually did fit in with the movie...

Yes, I liked the battle in the woods. And yes, I almost felt bad for poor Major Davis as he completely didn't put up a fight in his own home... Yes, the special effects were surprisingly good in this movie... Yes, Kirsten Prout does have the cutest damn pout in the world. And yes, Jennifer Garner did look smokin' hot in that red garment of hers... and oh, I loved the trailers to this film (they do seem to have more content than the finished product)... but still...

That doesn't change the fact that instead of action scenes, we got lameass power walking and girlie flashback scenes instead... It doesn't change the fact that for some damn reason, Jennifer Garner's Elektra has some weird obsession with both obsessive compulsive disorder, and blind men who completely can't act... That doesn't change the fact that the writers keep pairing the actress up, with actors who completely have no chemistry with her whatsoever...

... because you know something's definitely wrong, when you're actually hoping Ben Affleck shows up to save the movie...

Now, Elektra wasn't nearly as bad as all the reviewers seem to be claiming all over the world. But really, the only reason I sort of liked this first real film of 2005, was that it was so damn bad, that it actually made me laugh... and that's worth something at least...

When you're actually hoping Evanescence starts playing, as Elektra tries to "Bring Me Back to Life"?...

When the first movie you see in 2005, is already guaranteed to be one of the worst movies you'll see all year long?...

Well, Enterprise finally returned, after what felt like a very long hiatus, to me at least... But was Daedelus worth it? I don't know really... I can say at least, that it won't top Stargate Atlantis for the episode for the week. It may feel odd to lose out to a clip show, but that's besides the point...

Now, I appreciate what the writers tried to do with Daedulus. It was a bottle episode for Enterprise, where the characters finally took center fold. And for that, I do applaud some of the writing... Trip Tucker probably got the best of the final results. His worshipping of Emory Erickson near the start felt forced, but his interactions with basically everyone else was simply the actor at his finest. You could tell how betrayed he felt, when Archer wouldn't listen to a word of reason in the hallways. And you could really see the frustration on Tucker's face, when opening up about his sister's death didn't even get through a single phased bit to Erickson... And then you had his relationship with T'Pol, or lack thereof. I didn't like how the episode ended for them, with Trip seemingly happy (or temporarily content) that T'Pol was breaking off with their relationship. But for the most part? I don't know... T'Pol playing hard to get felt natural. And Tucker trying his best to get through to her, though ultimately failing, felt somehow appropriate considering her mother just died... This episode definitely set something up between the two of them for later episodes. This wasn't the end of T/T shippiness, I can tell you that...

But for Daedulus as a whole? I don't know, but I guess the pacing was just so off that the episode just wasn't very much fun in the end... The first half of the episode was terribly boring. I mean, none of the actors could pretend to suck up to Erickson properly. And Emory's discussion around the dinner table sounded forced as hell, if only because his daughter, Danica, made me roll my eyes at just how badly the actress rolled her own eyes... Now, I liked the brief mention of the metaphysical concerns of the transporter. And some of the Henry Archer moments were good ("don't fail" was a great poetic quote...). But those moments were far and between, especially in the first half of the episode. Leaving Daedelus feeling like a complete filler of an episode, rather than a standalone show that could really stand on its own two feet...

Now, Hoshi wasn't even in this episode as far as I remember. And hell's bells, I forgot that Travis Mayweather even existed on the show... But for the most part? Daedulus quite redeemed itself through its strong characterizations this episode... Phlox got some moments of consolation with T'Pol. And T'Pol herself, while both overly and underly emotional at times (depending on her period of the day, it seemed), definitely did feel more Vulcan. Reading the Kir'Shara, and her Panar Syndrome being magically cured by elfish lesbianism, were nice touches of continuity that really made T'Pol feel connected to a much broader arc than this lone episode encompassed... Reed got to hold a phase pistol as his red shirt got wiped out by the floating Quinn Mallory, sliding through space. And I've already mentioned how kickass Tucker was this episode, definitely setting up some sort of arc with him later on in the season... And Archer? Well, sure he was annoying, obviously putting his faith in Emory and his friendship with Quinn, over the lives of his crew. But in a sense, I can't blame him - even as a captain, he had to try to save his friend. Wouldn't you?... What I didn't like was how pig-headed he was. Except for his nostalgic moments concerning his father, Archer didn't show a sign of weakness. And considering officers like Trip and T'Pol were giving him good counter arguments, and considering he was no longer in the middle of a war, than it definitely would've been better if he at least pretended to listen to counsel...

But the whole episode, despite all the characterizations for the crew, still pretty much revolved around the Ericksons. And unfortunately for Danica, the actress portrayed the character terribly in all scenes that didn't have her friendly banter with Archer to fall back on... Emory however, was a different story. His long winded speeches dragged on and on in the first half of the episode, but I really did start feeling bad for him by the time the hour was up... Just like with the original story of Daedulus, Emory was quite a tragic figure. To save his son from an eternity in limbo, he had to kill him with his own transporter. Maybe not everyone got that the first time they watched this episode, but I definitely felt terrible for the father, as I realized his son was still alive for a moment, not even realizing that anything had happened for the past 15 years... A story with a Greek Tragedy as a name, has always got to be about pathos and Porthos in the end. And both worked pretty damn well if you ask me... It was not a happy ending. Emory would possibly go to jail (or make students like me suffer at university for all eternity), his son was now officially dead without any hope of return, and the sub-quantum transporter would never see the light of day again... The beginning of the episode definitely felt weak. But the finish to Daedelus definitely went out strong, and almost disheartening in the end...

... just not strong enough to pry the Best Episode of the Week award away from Stargate... not even from a clip show this week...

... but still, I always have had a thing for Greek tragedies, no matter how badly they turn out...

... hell, I just watched Elektra today... but the review for that god-awful movie, will have to wait for tomorrow...

Y2kk Update: - Stargate Atlantis: Letters from Pegasus and Stargate SG-1: Full Alert Reviews (Spoilers) -

You know, I never thought I'd ever like a clip show... not outside of the early, classic Simpsons seasons, at least...

Season one of SG-1 had a clip show that introduced Kinsey, which wasn't bad, but... it just wasn't my thing... And since then? SG-1 produced a horrible clip show in the form of the second season finale, followed by a bunch of decent political ones (Disclosure, Inauguration) that had their moments, but... well... they were clip shows. They were decently good for clip shows, but they were clip shows nonetheless...

Must Stargate Atlantis really buck every single trend, and always manage to exceed my expectations? It's really getting annoying after all these times, you know...

I mean, I'm even hard pressed to call Letters from Pegasus a clip show. There were literally only two to three minutes of clips throughout the entire episode, when I swear Buffy the Vampire Slayer used to have 5 minutes or more just dedicated to memory flashbacks from time to time... Letters from Pegasus was a "reflection" episode, with really strong characterization for all actors and actresses on the show. Hell, even for Ford and Teyla... I can't even call Letters from Pegasus a bottle episode. Sure, most of the dialogue took place on Atlantis in front of a single camera, but that was all brilliantly balanced out by possibly the most impressive alien attack I've ever seen from a Stargate series in my life, period...

Letters from Pegasus was truly the first ever episode where The Wraith felt like a threat. Because now we can finally see how the Ancients could've lost to these vampiric sort of war mongers... While the Asgard and Goa'uld have always built motherships that are meant to flash and bang and impress with heavy weapons, shields, and loud speakers, the Wraith definitely designed their vessels for war. I mean, I was literally in awe at the sight of three Wraith support cruisers detaching themselves from each of the Hive ships, with dozens of Wraith darts to follow... Sheppard described it best as a "carrier group", because really, how the hell could even the Asgard defend against that many vessels all at once?... While I just rolled my eyes at the sight of the three Hive ships as dots on the screen at the start, I really was impressed with just the whole feel of the culling that happened later on. Not only did I find the Hyperspace cloud effect to be damn cool, but the episode even made a mystery with that huge beam of light in the middle (sucking the life out of the planet, perhaps? Or a way to transport victims from the darts back to the Hive ship?)... For once, the Wraith were a real threat. And for a clip show, that's a damn good feat to accomplish...

But Stargate Atlantis' greatest strength by far this season, has been the banter, dialogue, and characterizations of its characters... While Lt. Ford obviously hasn't been developed much (especially with his annoying attachment to his grandparents...), at least he put on a decent act this episode. Leaving that ponytail guy to whine in private was a nice comedic moment, and Ford didn't do a bad job of playing off of Carson's and Zelenka's weird moments in front of the camera either... Now, Teyla hasn't been developed well in the series either. And to be honest? I hated her this episode. As a scrappy fighter, she should know that not everyone can be saved from the Wraith. Not every battle can be won. Even if she was helping "family", her naivete at times did make me roll my eyes, but... still, her points about honour and dignity were valid. And when it came to the sheer awe and shock and horror of the culling, I think the actress did a pretty decent job of being wide eyed... Dr. Weir hasn't grown very much during the season either, and I really hate her infatuation with Simon the Tollan back home (the actress seems so over-obsessive whenever she talks about him...). But she had a certain poise and regretful dignity when she was giving the eulogies over the dead, one that I thought definitely worked for the scenes she was in. It reminded me a lot of Heroes because of that, which was both a good and a bad thing, if you ever check back my review for that episode...

Dr. MacKay wasn't his greatest in Letters from Pegasus, as a lot of his jokes ran on much longer than they should've. The "leadership" thing was barely funny the first time, and I just can't agree with him on his damn opinion on cats... I may not have totally enjoyed his "therapeutic" moments in front of the camera. But I can't ignore the fact that I was balling out in laughter at his comments about Carter. And the poor bastard did finally show a real sign of honesty when it came to his sister, which definitely felt heartfelt enough to work on the camera... MacKay had to share the spotlight this episode with his other scientists. Dr. Beckett shed a tear over his beloved mother's fungus. I chuckled at the leg cramp thing while the Japanese scientist was showering him with praise. And Dr. Zelenka kinda didn't listen to the security clearance rules, now did he?... Actually, MacKay had to share the spotlight with a lot of other characters this episode too. Hell, even Sergeant Bates got a momentary lapse of sympathy from me. I mean, not only do I feel sorry for the guy because he's never going to see his brother again... but I really, really, ridiculously felt sorry for the bastard, because a) he still thinks Kobe and Shaq are together, and b) he liked the Lakers in the first place?... now I hate him even more... grr argghh...

The episode definitely did have its faults... I actually would've preferred if we were just given more actor time in front of the camera, than splicing in two jarring minutes of flashbacks. And I was disappointed in both Teyla and Sheppard, as both had that kind of one-dimensional sort of debate kind of feel to them. Sheppard especially, since he rarely ever seems to get so pissy about saving people. But I digress... Letters from Pegasus was not Atlantis' finest moment. But it made a real threat out of the Wraith for once, it had more comedy that SG-1 has had all year so far I think, and it just shocked the hell out of me, that a clip show could be this damn good...

... it didn't even feel like a clip show... and hell, it sure as hell felt a lot more fun to watch, than SG-1 did this week...

Because yes, it seems the universe has reverted back to normal, and Stargate SG-1 got the short stick of the Stargate writers yet again...

I didn't mind that The Trust was back in Full Alert, since we needed a bit of closure to their story after that god-awful Endgame episode. But really, do the SG-1 characters really always have to be that damn stupid?... Why did they just use a standard wire on Kinsey in the cliche evil house? Wouldn't a Tok'ra communicator been better at preventing jamming?... Why the hell wouldn't Jack allow for blood samples to check if anybody on the base was a Goa'uld? How can he really know anyhew?... Why the hell didn't Carter jam the beaming frequencies at the evil cliche Trust house? Especially when they knew that The Trust still had the Alkesh with the transporters... Why the hell wasn't the Prometheus scanning the area with their shields already up? One damn nuke could've taken them out. Does the Colonel just want to right to say, "Shields Up", for the coolness factor of it all in the midst of battle or something?... And why the hell was Kinsey being escorted to the brig by two completely inept guards? Hasn't anyone watched Austin Powers lately? Honestly, who throws a shoe?...

But for a Trust episode, I must admit that Full Alert was one of the better episodes to come from the writers for a while. Though that's obviously not saying much from me... The return of Kinsey definitely helped things out. I never liked that snaky, shifty character in the first place, but his banter with Jack at the start was simply pure gold. Seeing O'Neill whip out that cellphone of his like it was a cold, hard weapon, had simply no equal this season... And somehow, Carter even seemed damn cute in that surveillance van when she was telling him to "take off" his belt. Because I don't know, whenever she's not acting as a Colonel, she seems to have that cute pout back that she did in season 7, but I digress... Now, I absolutely was annoyed by Kinsey as a Goa'uld. Not just from the messed up red eyes (bring back the old effects, goddammit), but mostly because his voice was just so grating on the ears that it... well, actually did hurt my ears (why did the SG-1 guys change the Goa'uld voices this season anyhew? Dumb, dumb decision... amongst others...)... But hey, Kinsey finally being a badass villain was a nice change of pace. And since he undoubtedly survived the destruction of the Alkesh, then I'm sure we'll be seeing the return of that old snake back in season 9 sometime...

Now, the whole idea that The Trust had been taken host by the Goa'uld was pretty interesting. And kinda ironic, in a way... But I just never got into the whole World War 3 thing this episode. I mean, I can believe that a rogue would try to take over a missile silo and launch against the US himself (which happened near the end). But unless the Russian president was a Goa'uld as well, why the hell would he be dumb enough to destroy the world, knowing that that's exactly what the Goa'uld want us to do?... Colonel Chekov finally returned, and actually proved to be too nice for once (I preferred his hard stance in season 6). Him and Jack were both pretty reasonable, although the Defecon sirens somehow got on my nerves a lot more than they did in season 3's Nemesis... But honestly, WTF was wrong with Russia? How completely moronic could they be? They didn't even test their own men and officers for Goa'uld symbiots? WTF?... I know Full Alert was meant to be a nice play off of old Cold War movies, like Wargames. But honestly, in a season where SG-1 has been completely idiotic in their decisions (hell, noone was even guarding the ring transporter room from Kinsey this episode), I can't tell whether Full Alert was intentionally dumb... or if the writers just goofed in ignorance again...

With that said, there were a few bright spots this episode... Teal'c didn't do much, but he does seem to perform some nice eyebrow acting whenever he's on the Prometheus... Carter looked cute in that surveillance van. But her real contribution to this week's Stargate, was her redefinition of the word "cameo" on Stargate Atlantis. Because for that, I'm sure she was paid by the word... Now, Jack was in this episode so much that I couldn't help but enjoy it. He always had a nice sarcastic line, whether it was about Carter's "five bucks" genius, or that he "missed an episode" when it came to Kinsey... the show just ain't the same without Richard Dean Anderson...

But even he probably took a step back to Daniel this episode, because poor Dr. Jackson sure had his hands full with Daria... Now, Daria wasn't the cutest of girls (maybe for SG-1 she was, but she paled in comparison to the Atlantis girls this season... well, she looked like that Ancient British peppy girl a lot, actually...). But she definitely played her part well, with that nice military skirt of hers, seeming so desperate to keep the well dressed Daniel away from those grubby and very lonely men at the Russian tent... I loved the banter between the two of them. Him complimenting her English, only for her to say "let's stick to English" after his awful Russian mumbling, was probably the biggest laugh I had all episode long... and I don't know, the writers seemed to like Daria a lot, with her spunkiness and fine hair. I've got a feeling they'll bring her back... although I've said that about a lot of women that have flirted with Daniel over the years, and they've all been shoved aside with time, but I digress...

The dialogue in Full Alert was the only thing that saved it from mediocrity. The banter from an old enemy was the only thing that spared it from being just another god-awful Trust episode... But still, Full Alert shouldn't feel so bad for being kicked in the nuts by its Atlantis brethren yet again. Because somehow, Letters from Pegasus produced the best damn clip show I've probably ever seen...

And overall, even if Full Alert felt twenty years too late in the making, I still have to admit that this week's combined effort of Stargate, was still a hell of a lot better than we got in the first half of the season... and, well... that's saying something, at least...

Y2kk Update: - THQ's / Yuke's WWE Day of Reckoning Nintendo Gamecube Review (Spoilers?... not really...) -

Let's face it - ever since Sony moneyhats got THQ to produce their only good wrestling games of this generation for the PS2 (and kicked AKI to the curb, for God knows what reason), WWF/WWE games on the Nintendo Gamecube just haven't been the greatest... While I did thoroughly enjoy Wrestlemania X8, it just wasn't the follow-up to WWF No Mercy that I was hoping that it would be. And thanks to the so-called "story mode" in Wrestlemania X9, that game became the laughing stock of pretty much all of THQ's wrestling franchise... How did such great games on the N64 turn into this kind of crap?... I guess we will never know...

So I definitely went into THQ's WWE Day of Reckoning with an open mind... no expectations definitely helped...

... not to mention a mere $30 CDN price tag, and a damn fine commercial by John Cena, but I digress...

Take the soundtrack for instance... While I suppose all the lyrics and guitar riffs do make for a better experience than the awful music in the Wrestlemania and Raw series, I really can't say that I thought the music in Day of Reckoning was appropriate whatsoever for wrestling... If I already thought the rap in WWF No Mercy was a bit off beat, then what can I possibly say about Day of Reckoning, where it seems to have ripped its soundtrack right off of some EA Trax wannabe last year?... Menu wise, the music ain't so bad. But during the Create-a-Wrestler mode, and usually during gameplay as well, the sheer repetitiveness of these plain as day, bad songs, sure as hell is grating on the ears...

There's a lot of other things in this game that were just plain out weird... The simple and very arcadey menu system, reminds me just too much of WWF Royal Rumble for the Dreamcast. While the intro scenes are done quite well (with Matt Hardy's "Live for the Moment" done particularly well, of course... and hell, they even did HBK's and Victoria's dance moves pretty decently...), the victory stances after each match are just plain... I dunno... Dreamcast-like weird...

The sound effects in this game may no longer make weird pop sounds like they did in Wrestlemania X8, but still... everything just sounds... weird... as if THQ didn't want to spend any money on the budget of this game, and made something as quick and arcadey as possible to shut us Gamecube owners up... Why they just don't release, port, or whatever the Smackdown series to other systems, I guess I will never know...

But the thing is though, strangely enough... I really think that WWE Day of Reckoning has the best damn wrestling gameplay engine, since at least WWE No Mercy... and while that's not saying much, it certainly is saying something at least...

In the old N64 days, there were two types of grapples: the weak and the strong force, united as one (bad physics joke, I know... sorry...)... I know that both Raw and the Wrestlemania tried to recreate the two grapple system in their own ways, but both methods were ultimately, badly flawed... WWE Day of Reckoning however, comes the closest to feeling like its N64 brethren. The weak grapples work the same way as Wrestlemania X8's did, with the direction on your analog stick determining which move you want to do... And then there's the strong grapple. While I can complain that it can be reversed far too easily, I must admit that it does create some decent gaming balance, that you can only pull off strong moves once your opponent's spirit meter is in the blue... and there are surprisingly, quite a few moves in this game...

And ah yes, the spirit meter. Surprisingly, WWE Day of Reckoning got that one right too... You can no longer taunt your way to a special move. Only characters with a ton of charisma can do that... And there's now a momentum shift move that can refill your spirit meter, once a match. And while I thought that was cheap at first, I must now admit that it does create for some interesting situations, if only to see Ric Flair beg for mercy... And since I'm used to it now, I actually do enjoy pressing A+B to do a special move. It's so instantaneous, that I'd be lying if I didn't love pulling an RKO just plain out of nowhere, after a series of three or four grapple counters with the CPU (which aren't that bad in the AI department anymore, might I add)...

And another nice throw-back to the N64 days of wrestling, is the damage meter to each body part. It's a lot like "real" WWE wrestling, actually. In which if you repeatedly inflict damage on someone's head or leg, they'll start "selling" the move. And it's much easier to make them tap with submission moves after that, as long as you don't give their body part enough time to recover (because just like in real wrestling, a stomp to the chest somehow makes a wrestler forget about being dropped on his head a dozen times, but I digress...)... Hell, I even liked the "true" return of KO's and blood. While obviously both features have been seen since the N64 days, no game has ever made TKO's fun, or given nice sound effects or camera close ups to the sound of blood... It was my favourite way to win matches back in the N64 days - to knock my opponent out... and thanks to the body part meter, it actually works really well now, for the first time since No Mercy at least...

The controls in this game are definitely what garners the most respect from me (not to mention Randy Orton's awesome looking RKO, but I digress)... L and R as defence buttons, make a return as the only smart addition THQ has made to wrestling games since the N64 days. I love countering out of grapples and punches, although sometimes the computer can get a bit unstoppable this way... But what surprised me the most about Day of Reckoning, was that the other moves of this game are done extremely well as well... Sure, I don't like how you now must press down and A to pin (I sometimes accidentally go for a submission move instead), and sure sometimes I end up running to the outside rather than bounce off the ropes. But for the most part?... Strong grapples are done as easily as they were on the N64. Tagging a partner is easy as pootang pie with the mostly useless Z button. Climbing ladders and cages are dirt easy thanks to the X button. And hell, even the new Bra and Panties matches are simple to play, thanks to down and A being used to tear off clothes in that case... Everything is quick and easy to control in WWE Day of Reckoning. And to be honest, I was most impressed...

Now, of course I have complaints about this game... I already mentioned the piss poor music and awful presentation of the game. But probably the worst problems with the game, are the story mode and the lack of characters in the actual game... I mean, sure in wrestling games, I only end up playing as Randy Orton, John Cena, Chris Benoit, and Bret Hart (in this case) anyhew, but it would've been much nicer if we just got wrestlers like The Dudley Boyz, JBL, Steve Austin, or even The Hurricane to go up against. Not to mention there's a huge lack of women in this game, though considering most divas were just fired by the WWE? I guess it wasn't a complete loss...

But the story mode just plain sucked in this game, not only because it was so short (beaten in 3-4 hours), but because you can't even go through it with a WWE superstar... You're forced to create a wrestler, and then run through a preset number of generic matches and a linear storyline, until you win the WWE Title of course... Choosing either the Raw or Smackdown brand has absolutely no effect, considering both brands provide the same exact storyline with only a minimal difference in dialogue lines... While I admit that the Raw storyline was surprisingly accurate (they kick you out of Evolution, just like they did with Randy Orton), it just has absolutely no replay value whatsoever. Not with the bad script and lack of voice acting... and hell, this criticism is coming from a fanboy, who actually enjoyed the story mode in WWE Wrestlemania X8, simply because there wasn't one...

... although at least, Day of Reckoning's story line beats the hell out of Wrestlemania X9's... but what doesn't?...

But you know what's really weird?... For the first time this entire generation of gaming I think, a wrestling game's pros actually outweigh the cons... The create a wrestler mode in WWE Day of Reckoning is surprisingly deep. You can change face shapes, sizes, and a huge amount of moves that pretty much outdo everything outside of the PS2 WWE games these days... And the match types are surprisingly fun. Bra and panties is a nice break from the everyday, first blood matches actually work very well now, Tornado matches provide all the replay value with my brother as we will probably ever need, and Hell in a Cell matches now feel a lot more natural... Hell, even the weapons in this game are a lot more fun. Having Stacy Keibler DDT Trish Status onto a steel chair is just somehow gratifying... and considering they glossed up Keibler's legs to the Maxim max in this game?... well then, weirdly enough... I was sold...

WWE Day of Reckoning is far from a perfect game. And hell, despite its actually decent framerate, glossed up muscle graphics, and pretty damn nice multiplayer, it still can't compare to my rosy, nostalgic memories of the AKI series back on the N64... Still, if I had to actually choose, I'd say that WWE Day of Reckoning is by far the best wrestling game made for the Gamecube yet, and probably the best wrestling game of this entire generation of gaming...

Y2kk Update: - Activision's Call of Duty: Finest Hour Microsoft Xbox Review (Spoilers) -

Call of Duty is by no means a bad game... but there's a reason why it was overshadowed so damn badly by Halo 2 during the holiday season, and I ain't just talking about the good ol' American hype factor...

Ironically, Call of Duty suffers from the reverse Halo PC syndrome... Now, I absolutely loved Halo on the Xbox itself. But on the PC, it somehow became one of the worst damn first person shooters I've ever played in my life... The game balance, the graphics (somehow), and especially the controls were all messed up to no end, completely ruining the harmony and flow that the Bungie game had on consoles...

Now, I won't really admit that I liked Call of Duty much on the PC. But at least on my cousin's rig, the game was definitely one of the better PC first person shooters to come in a long time... But on the Xbox? I swear that Activision pulled a Deus Ex 2, and just assumed that console FPS players are complete idiots or something. Because just like with Halo PC, something was definitely lost in translation, as Call of Duty: Finest Hour feels like a rushed and definitely dummed down version of its PC brethren...

Call of Duty definitely does some things right... I do enjoy the sound effects. They may not be as crystal clear as they were on the PC, but they sure beat the hell out of all WW2 first person shooters on the Xbox that I've seen... And I do appreciate the presentation of the game. Splitting the campaigns up between Stalingrad, Tunisia, and Germany ended up actually providing variety that most FPS don't provide... and for the most part? The FPS controls on the Xbox controller weren't bad. Now, sure it frustrated me to hell that thanks to all the "realistic" weapons, I had a horrible time trying to snipe off machine gunners with my pathetic M1 Garands and Kar98 rifles (when on the PC, sniping without a scope was so damn easy thanks to the mouse...). But besides the piss poor auto aiming in this game, and the occasional bad hit detection (I somehow seem to miss every single shot, when pelting a room with machine gun fire...), the game does definitely hold its own against its Xbox counterparts. The rifles are extremely fun to use against enemies in corridors, the grenades have a nice old skool effect to them, and the SMGs aren't so bad, as long as you use either the MP40 or Thompson (since those are the only two machine guns that get any ammo in the game)... besides, it's fun trying to actually hit someone at point blank range (with "try" being the key word) with the PPSH...

But for every good thing that Call of Duty: Finest Hour managed to accomplish, there sure as hell were a lot of cons as well... The graphics are only adequate. The gritty look can only go far in hiding low polygonal models and stiff animations... The framerate itself normally stays steady, but it does get jarring whenever it drops below the 20 fps mark... I already mentioned piss poor hit detection at times (or is that simply from WW2 weapon piss poor recoil?), but I suppose I should also add that machine gun fire can sometimes hit me around corners it seemed (and sorry for having no patience, but I just can never wait for those bastards to reload...)... There were also a ton of bugs in this game as well. The first stage alone locked up on me three times, and I think the game froze another four or something times in later stages, until it was finally all cached on the hard drive... I hated how rare checkpoints are, with no quick save ability whatsoever... And while the first person controls were good themselves, I must say that I absolutely hated every damn vehicle in this stupid damn game. The Jeep machine gunner stage was a total joke, feeling more like a dummed down 90's arcade game than an epic battle in North Africa... And the tank stages? Is it me, or does the damn tank handle as goddam awful as a... umm?... tank?...

... yeah, well... after getting used to the brilliant vehicle controls in the Halo series, I certainly didn't appreciate getting stuck on dozens of Russian walls as I could never drive damn straight with my goddam tank in Stalingrad...

Take for instance the first American mission (part 1) of the assault on Aachen or however you spell that German city... At first, I really liked how epic that episode felt, following behind Sherman tanks as they blew up machine gunner snipers left and right... but then the ugly problems starting rearing their fugly asses... It annoyed me to hell how that there wasn't a checkpoint throughout that entire mission. Especially at this one point, where I ran out of ammo for both my Thompson and BAR. So I thought, it shouldn't matter right? I could just go back and get one of those dozens of MP40's that I never picked up on the streets, right?... Wrong, it seems. I went back through the stage, only to find that every single damn MP40 or Kar98 had just magically disappeared from the map. And worse yet, my M12 artillery was destroyed while I was gone, causing me to start the entire damn stage over again... So the second time I played through that stage, I did it with the M1 Garand, knowing how it saves me ammo. Eventually, I got to the part where you enter the sewers... only to have the game refuse to let me enter the damn sewers for some odd reason... I tried for 10 minutes, and still I couldn't move onto the next stage. So I really had no fucking choice but to restart the entire stage yet again, with the third time eventually being the charm it seemed...

Call of Duty: Finest Hour was definitely not the finest hour for the series... The game definitely felt rushed, with so many bugs and glitches that it almost felt less polished than its PC version did before its patches... But it wasn't just the translation to the Xbox that annoyed the hell out of me. A lot of the core fundamentals of the series just drove me nuts as well... I hated how my own men couldn't even aim damn well enough to shoot at Germans standing right in front of their damn faces. Instead, their AI was so damn dumb, that they would throw grenades at themselves (and me), causing me to lose aim with that god-awful Saving Private Ryan, slow-mo effect that's completely overused in Call of Duty... My partners were so damn useless in this game, that I actually chose to shoot them myself, just so they wouldn't get in my way... Of course, without them as cannon fodder, I did end up having to redo a lot of stages thanks to unstoppable machine gunners. And thanks to all those repeated stages, I must admit that I really did get bored of all the scripted events in the game, from Stuka bombings, to even the M12 blowing up buildings for me (although that definitely was badass the first time around...)...

I really wanted to like Call of Duty for the Xbox... and in many ways, I did... I do love the weapons in this game. I do still love the WW2 epicness of the genre. And I do love the German deaths, with the sniping of their hats a nice throw-back to my Goldeneye and Perfect Dark playing days...

But the tank controls provided probably the most frustrating stages that I have ever played in a first person shooter. My stupid ass AI completely made the North African stages into a mindless chore. The complete lack of multiplayer off of Xbox Live (which I don't have, since I'm broadband impaired and damn cheap...) definitely hurts the replay value of this game. And dammit, even if I did hate the tank stages, the overall game still felt too damn short... Even when you add in all the times the game locked up on me, all three campaigns still only lasted me 6 or 7 hours. And that can't be good for business...

Now, Call of Duty: Finest Hour is a fine first person shooter in many respects, and is definitely better than any other WW2 FPS on the Xbox to date (since the Medal of Honor series really sucks...). But the game still can't garner my respect, simply from all the bugs, problems, and frustrations that plagued this rushed port of a translation from the very beginning...

... there be war in them trenches... although I did eventually see this whole game through...

Y2kk Update: - Stargate Atlantis: The Brotherhood and Stargate SG-1: It's Good to be King Reviews (Spoilers) -

Wow... what a weird day... First, I get some first term marks back from university, which surprisingly enough, were pretty damn decent... but I'll talk about that eventually on my download site...

Then I come home to watch The Raptors actually win against the Sacramento Kings somehow... Sure, the Kings somehow imploded and gave up the game by default, with Webber shooting 6 for 21. But still, very weird indeed...

Yesterday, the Canadian World Junior Hockey Team absolutely dominated the Russians to pit our country at the top of the entire hockey world... Now, normally I wouldn't consider that weird, but considering we outscored Russia 6-1?... wow... talk about a weird, but very interesting, past two days...

And yesterday and today, I watched Stargate Atlantis' The Brotherhood, and Stargate SG-1's It's Good to be King episodes... and while Atlantis did disappoint me a bit, I still must admit that both episodes were rather well done. Which may not be weird in itself, but it truly does feel strange anyhew - that everything entertainment wise, seems to be going just great for me now...

... hell, Smallville is still in reruns... See? Everything is perfect right now. The only thing missing is Enterprise, but I digress...

Atlantis' The Brotherhood was an episode that started out really slowly... I hated the opening sequence, where Rodney McKay was way overserious considering his usual self. And the acting from Elena and her 'partner' (who I think I recognize as one of the damn hot chicks of the week last year from Andromeda), was just stiff right off the bat... But 'stiff' may be the key word here, because damn was Elena ever hot. I didn't feel any chemistry between her and Rodney (her inability to use conjunctions, despite her perfect American accent, was quite a factor...), but damn - if that's the kind of outfits girls wore during the Renaissance? Then sign me up as the Renaissance Man... Sure, she ended up being a total religious bitch in the end. It just boggles the mind how dumb she suddenly sounded, believing that the dead Ancients would somehow return to "reward" her people greatly... But hey, we all know that all women are bitches. And poor Rodney, in his one chance to actually be Captain Kirk, got truly the short end of the stiff stick in this case...

One of the problems with The Brotherhood, was that it felt like too much of a standard fare, "oh shit" episode. Because I think after SG-1, I've gotten quite sick of the camera staring at blips on screen as cliffhangers... It bugged me to hell that a puddle jumper was killed without even seeing the enemy. Because for Christ's sakes, modern fighter jets can fire at enemies long before they ever enter visual range. Couldn't Beckett at least have fired a few cover shots into the sky or something?... The Genii didn't help things out either. Kolya still has the great evil accent, but the poor man was just clueless the whole episode through. And the fugly Genii weapons certainly weren't high up on my priority list either...

But the real problem with the episode, was that it tried to be National Treasure with all its puzzles and clues, but just didn't put enough tension of emphasis into anything but the final 'sum to fifteen' one... Sure, it was clever to place the final stone behind the map itself, but not very bright, considering any thief could've taken the map and the stone sometime... And for the most part, I just hated all the puzzle solving. Montage scenes with pointless digging, replaced any sort of action, characterization, and dialogue. The only good thing the episode did provide with its puzzles, was more up and close shots of Elena and her... ahem... up and front and quite frontal, Renaissance fair skin...

Still, I did end up enjoying The Brotherhood, for the moments where the characters really did manage to shine in their dialogue... Lt. Ford didn't get much to say as always, but for once he almost got to be the hero. I was surprised when he got up to fight, even after being tranqed. He may not have lasted long, but hey, it was worth points anyhew (the wrestling arm bar was pretty nice too...)... Teyla was pretty much in the background, but I liked her teasing of Elena's crush on McKay. And I also enjoyed that she didn't know what flash bang grenades were - I've never liked how intelligent she suddenly became with our technology after just joining the SGA group... I found Beckett to be annoying, if only because Sergeant Bates was way too overemphatic when it came to the big Wraith Scout chase scene. Still, I love the Scottish accent, and can't wait until Beckett becomes a regular next year... Now Weir didn't have much to do, as always. But Dr. Zelenka's reaction to Weir's lovely reply to "you are the loop", was all I needed to actually start enjoying the episode... and heh, I read on the net that Dr. Zelenka actually said in his language, "I can't work with these actors!"...

The stars of Atlantis are obviously Sheppard and McKay though... Sheppard didn't have much to do until the end of the episode, but I just loved his banter with Rodney over the MENSA test. I mean, the writers long forgot that Jack O'Neill was an astronomy genius, so I guess I was relieved that they didn't forget about Sheppard's mathematical abilities just quite yet... But the scene was truly made by McKay, just like pretty much every scene in the entire series of the show... I just loved how he cared more for the MENSA test, than he did about the flash bang grenade, or the fact that they were all going to die. And I also loved his bitterness towards the flash bang itself, sarcastically and constantly referring back to his eyes... I didn't like his chemistry with Elena though, no matter how hot she was. And I can't say I liked his performances for any puzzle but for the final, killer one... But Rodney McKay as a whole is the single greatest reason to watch Stargate Atlantis. I loved him back in SG-1, and just the way David Hewlett tried to convince Elena to let them keep the ZPM, was reason enough to watch Atlantis...

... not to mention all the hot Andromeda chicks of the week... Now, if Elena really is the new 'head master' of the Brotherhood? Then sign me up brother, for the fraternity right away...

Now, Stargate SG-1 just can't compare with Atlantis in terms of all the great looking women, but for this one week alone, it definitely matched and even beat its spin-off in terms of quality... I've said many times this season that Stargate SG-1 just hasn't been producing. Even the last two episodes, while fun at times, were just bogged down by the sheer stupidity of the SG-1 characters...

That wasn't the case in It's Good to be King though. In fact, it was probably the best damn episode that SG-1 has produced all season long... It really had that old skool feeling back, from the cheer on Jack's face when he said he so damn missed going off-world (he was hugging his P90 all episode long, you know...), to the rushed ending that reminded me so damn much, of that season six episode that Harry Maybourne was last in...

Now, Maybourne has always been one of my least favourite characters. And while it did bug me that he was suddenly so nice and cheerful in this episode, I must say that I really did end up loving him and his kingdom... I was balling on the floor in laughter at his little musical diddy during General Jack's grand entrance. And somehow, the look on Carter's face when Harry mentioned his "wives" brought back a whole lot of season one nostalgia... The banter between Jack and Maybourne wasn't really present, but the actor chemistry certainly still was. Harry didn't seem to really listen to anyone but Jack, the only man he's ever respected on the show. And it showed in Harry's demeanor... he was always cocky with the rest of SG-1, yet somehow actually looked like he cared for his people whenever he opened up to Jack. And somehow, I ended up really liking his character, right down to his "guango" wordplay invention... I just wish that he was smart enough to pick up a better weapon than a stick at the end, that's all...

It's Good to be King definitely had the best of both worlds when it came to the Stargate formula... While Atlantis has already made the Ancients look weak and pathetic, it's amazing how SG-1 still manages to make the species seem almost magical... It also helps that I'm a fan of the "self fulfilling prophecy" type of time travel, and not the actually-change-timelines crap in Atlantis' Before I Sleep... and it also helps, that I could almost see that evil Ancient Gideon around this episode, flashing a little light bulb that blinks at the ever silent Teal'c... indeed...

Here's how the time travel probably worked in this episode: Gideon (or Janus, or whatever his name was) travelled to the future in his cloaked time ship, read the pillar that he apparently wrote, found a second time ship (not the one he came in) on the planet, and realized that he had a big hand to play in the future of this world... He helped Teal'c find the old time ship, and watched as SG-1 took out the Goa'uld Ares with two iddy biddy missiles (lucky shots, or do the Goa'uld just suck?)... Gideon then went back in time, knowing his own future, and wrote the pillar exactly as he saw it before. He then probably travelled back to his own time, and left the time ship on the planet for SG-1 to find in the future... While I know this explanation will make some heads hurt, the fact of the matter is, this is the type of time travel that I do like. The kind that actually makes sense, without the idea of parallel universe crap or anything like that... Not only that, but it made the Ancients look mystical indeed. We know their weapons penetrate Goa'uld shields (even Anubis' suped up ones), but two tiny missiles destroyed a Hat'ak? WTF?!... Does the Atlantis team just have defective old European models back in the Pegasus Galaxy, or some sort of crap like that?...

But what really helped make It's Good to be King, into surprisingly a really good episode, was the perfect balance between comedy, science, characterization, and nostalgia... It had a real old skool feel to it, with a world that looked like an Ancient Greek village or something, instead of all the WW2, American Civil War, or late Medieval areas we've been seeing as of late... And I loved the pacing in this episode (except for the ending). No lines felt rushed anywhere in the episode, and nothing really felt drawn out (except for perhaps Carter's generic attempts to repair the ship). It had the return of P90 action, and it even had Daniel dressed up as his Obi-wan Danobi self again. And how the hell could you not love that?...

It's amazing how great the show feels, with RDA back at the center fold... Jack had perfect banter with Maybourne. And he even made Carter a lot more bearable, as the actress' smile and skin really do seem to beam a lot more with Richard Dean Anderson at the helm... Carter herself felt a lot more natural as a leader this time around, giving strong orders yet not in the forced manner she's been doing all season long. But what I really enjoyed from her, was just how much she was enjoying the Ancient timeship stuff in this episode. With Jack back on the frontlines, she reverted back to her old campy school girl self, and I think it really worked better than the Lt. Colonel version of her we've been stuck with all season long... Teal'c didn't have many lines, but you gotta love the eyebrow reactions to all of Maybourne's Caesar-like proclamations. Teal'c also got to take on Wayne Brady (yes, Wayne Brady... who may not have cracked a single joke, but got me rolling in the floor in laughing, from him just being there as an evil Jaffa...). With RDA back, the best of Teal'c's Jaffaness made a return. He kicked ass and took names, and it felt right for season eight... Daniel got to translate some of the Ancient writings, and then got his ass kicked by some random Jaffa. Not bad for one day, although I really wish a) the woman that saved him was hotter (like, Atlantis hotter...), and b) the episode did lack any good banter between him and Jack. But I'm sure that'll eventually come (I hope) with the end of the season soon approaching...

I haven't really enjoyed Stargate SG-1 for a very long time, but it just felt right this week, for the big brother to finally take the best episode of the week award away from The Brotherhood... But even so, I still enjoyed both episodes, in a week where all the entertainment seems to be going great for me... The Toronto Raptors are actually winning. Meet the Fockers impressed me. I actually had some hockey on TV back for once... and Stargate - both series of Stargate - really kicked ass for once...

The first week of 2005 has been good for me at least... afterall, it's damn good to be king...

There was one movie that everyone in North America was watching over the Christmas break. And contrary to the popular critic vote, it turned out to be Meet the Fockers, instead of one of those movies out there right now, screaming for the Academy Award...

The thing is, while I'll most readily admit that Meet the Fockers is a far cry short of stellar movie-making, I do have to agree with the audiences and box office rake-ins on this one... Because just like with National Treasure, what the fuck are the critics smoking anyhew? Meet the Fockers may not have been as fun or as original as Meet the Parents was, but it surprised me with the amount of laughs it delivered. And it definitely didn't feel like a "cheapquel", like some publications were claiming...

Ben Stiller has definitely overexerted himself this year, with less than stellar moments in Starsky and Hutch, Anchorman, and yes, even Dodgeball... All of these movies were decent, but none were actually great. Not in the old Ben Stiller sense and stuff, at least...

But I definitely think he proved his worth again in Meet the Fockers, because for once this year, he didn't try so damn hard to be funny... He felt more natural as the helpless man in the middle, all up-tight when it came to pleasing his father-in-law, while being considerate to his parents as well... Now, I admit there weren't many Ben Stiller moments alone that made me laugh. The "Gaylord" name thing was taken far too far in this movie (although the opening nurse joke was alright), and Greg never really screwed up big time like he did in Meet the Parents all the time... Then again, I did appreciate the fact that for the most part, the comedy wasn't over the top in this sequel. Except for quite a disgusting scene of foreskin dipping into the fondue dinner, I really think Meet the Fockers was tame in comparison to the prequel. While some would consider that lame, I actually found it more refreshing, simply because I couldn't stand rewatching the original movie more than once... not without cringing my brow all the time, at least... especially at that shit scene (literally), but I digress...

There was definitely some really dumb comedy in the sequel as well... I hated the short stinted rivalry between Jinx the cat and Moses the dog. Sure, the crowd got some laughs from toilet flushing and the humping of poor Mr. Einstein, but I've never really been one for animal hijinxs... I really didn't like the baby, Little Jack, either. It amazed me how intelligent he was with the sign language and all, but his constant crying for attention, his overuse of the word "assss.... ooole...", and yes, even his horniness for milk just seemed way too overused for my tastes... Still, at least the baby and Ben Stiller did provide for what was the most embarrassing (and probably the best overall scene) of the movie itself. Seeing a bottle of rum just magically glued to Little Jack's hands as he was still watching Scarface for some damn reason, was definitely reason enough for me to put this movie in the plus column...

Besides some of the over the top comedy from the baby and animals though, I'm really surprised that the critics seemed to like the only real part of the movie that I didn't like: The Fockers... Dustin Hoffman was basically a Rainman to me. Yes, I get that he's into his whole "Focker Isle" thing. He's a bit off, and that's alright... But he had absolutely no manners or sense of moral duty to his son whatsoever. I mean, what kind of man is dumb enough to both flip the father-in-law during football, and try to take out a pent up cop that has a stun-gun later on? Both scenes were meant to be funny, but I just didn't care for them - not when the stupidity Rainman factor is taken into account... Barbra Streisand as Roz Focker was a bit better, as she never really did anything completely idiotic (that a mother wouldn't do normally, I suppose). But as a sex therapist, she brought out all the god-awful cliches that I hate in society. The fact that she was the "good" one, giving hope to the Byrnes and their marriage, just somehow got on my repressed nerves as well, that's all... Now, I loved her private conversations with Gaylord about his, umm, privates. And her intuition about the pregnancy felt natural... But her dinner conversational topics were just so completely over-the-top, that they were more embarrassing to me in the audience than they were to her son... I like wacky parents. But even Jack Brynes in the first movie wasn't that crazy... except for the whole polygraph machine and all...

Once again, Robert De Niro really shined in his role, just like he did in the first movie... Now, some of his gags just didn't work for me. The male breast feeder, for one... But the actor, playing the ever stuff CIA man, was just amazing with all the little jokes in the movie that required subtlety and finesse... I never cared for the over-the-top comedy in the movie, but it was the little iddy biddy throwaway comments that had me roaring louder than anyone else in the theatre... I loved this movie, just from the reaction on Jack's face when he heard the definition of "CLIA". And c'mon, as the no-name nostalgic, how the hell couldn't I love Greg getting caught in the lie, about milking his "sister's cat"?... Dina Brynes once again played the very nice mother figure. And to be honest, she does have a very nice figure for her age - no wonder Gaylord Focker wants to fock her... Now, while I didn't like Barbra Streisand's character as a whole, I thought she did work well with Dina. I mean, just the lesbian effect, or 'interloping with her lobes', or playing sexual Sesame Street with sock puppets, gave Blythe Danner's character a much grander role than she did in the first movie. And she really did seem like she had chemistry with Robert De Niro as well...

Alas, Meet the Fockers definitely didn't have a single scene that could match pretty much any of the best ones from the first movie... The truth serum scene bugged me, since the drug isn't supposed to make you suddenly tell the truth to everyone - it just makes it impossible for you to lie. And because of that over-the-top scene (and the whole Isabel son thing), the latter half of the movie did kind of feel like a downer... hell, even the video review during the credits seemed to drag on... I also don't get what's up with Pam. She still had some chemistry with Ben Stiller, but she definitely doesn't look nearly as attractive as she did in the first movie. Sure, Gaylord still masturbates to her, but it's no wonder why he's lusting after her mother now...

Still, the critics were far too harsh on this movie for their own good... Despite the lack of a totally ingenious scene (although the rum bottle one does come close), the laughs never really did stop coming in the film. Because just like with National Treasure, Meet the Fockers was definitely a great movie for everyone in the family to understand and enjoy. Taken as a whole, I think I laughed more during Meet the Fockers than I did in even Meet the Parents (although I definitely did wince and cringe more during the latter...)...

All that really matters about a movie, is whether you enjoy it or not. And whether it's fun or not... And that's exactly what Meet the Fockers provides. A flawed, but definitely fun experience...

So fock the critics. Fock them Sideways, and fock them right up their "assss... ooooles..."...

... because once again (in my honest opinion, at least), the box office and the people have rightfully proven the critics wrong...

Wow, does it ever feel weird to write the year "2005"... I hate odd numbered years, afterall...

Well, it seems my noname website has finally gotten some Reggielution momentum, heading into 2005... I just recently, finally passed the pathetic 20 000 hit mark on my noname website, on my official counter down below at least. And on my unofficial, invisible one? It claims I have 70 000 unique hits... big discrepancy there, yet that's still pathetically low for a website that's approaching its third birthday...

I guess the momentum couldn't have come at a better time, because who honestly knows, right? Maybe somebody on the face of the planet might actually read my 2004 Annual, IvanFian Video Game Year in Review...

... and if you ask me, 2004 was a pretty big damn year. Probably the biggest since 1998, both in terms of sales and gaming quality, no matter how many sequels were released...

Halo 2 and Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas absolutely cleaned house at North American cash registers, selling 3.2 million and 3.6 million copies respectively... and while unfortunately, they cannibalized pretty much every single other game's sales for the holiday break? Still, judging from the list below, you gotta admit that 2004 was a pretty damn big year in terms of gaming quality...

Metal Gear Solid 3. Metroid Prime 2: Echoes. Madden 2005. NFL 2K5. Need for Speed Underground 2. Prince of Persia: The Warrior Within. Call of Duty: Finest Hour. Killzone. X-Men Legends. Paper Mario 2: The Thousand-Year Door. Tales of Symphonia. Metal Gear Solid: The Twin Snakes. Pikmin 2. Mario Power Tennis. Mario Party 6. The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords. Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles. Donkey Konga. Sonic Heroes. The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay. Full Spectrum Warrior. James Bond 007: Everything or Nothing. Ninja Gaiden. Fable. Psi-Ops: The Mindgate Conspiracy. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2. Splinter Cell: Pandora Tomorrow. Rainbow Six 3. Burnout 3. Ratchet and Clank 3. Jak and Daxter 3. Mechassault 2. Megaman: Anniversary Collection. Viewtiful Joe 2... Halo 2. GTA:SA. The Nintendo DS... on the PC, FarCry, Warhammer: Dawn of War, LOTR: Battle for Middle Earth, Doom 3, Half Life 2, and World of Warcraft... and in Japan, Dragon Quest VIII, Tales of Rebirth, Grand Turismo 4, and the Sony Playstation Portable... the year of 2004 indeed...

... now, unless you have a complete prejudice against sequels, no matter how polished the games may be, then you can't honestly tell me straight to my face, that this list isn't at least the best damn video gaming list since 1998... hell, I even left off a lot of games that I personally didn't like (not like I liked most of the games on that list either), that a ton of other hardcore gamers thought were some of the best games ever made... Lumines, Legend of Zelda: Minnish Cap, and Katama-Da-whatever for starters...

2004 was indeed perhaps the best damn year for 3d gaming ever, and arguably one of the best years for gaming period... It definitely set my wallet back a few hundreds dollars, in the month of November alone... Hell, I think my video game collection nearly doubled from this one damn year alone. And if that doesn't say something, that I don't know what will...

So for one of the greatest years ever in the history of video gaming (the only things missing, were a true Mario, Zelda, Final Fantasy, and Starcraft game, alas...), it's finally time for the moment you've all been waiting for...

... not that anyone cares about it, mind you... especially since I only nominate games I've played, but still...

Best Game of the Year - Halo 2 (Xbox)
Runners-up: 1 - Metroid Prime 2: Echoes (Gamecube), 2 - Paper Mario 2: The Thousand-Year Door (Gamecube)

Ah yes, the Halo 2 hype and hate on the net... not that I can really disagree with it all though... I mean, I think it definitely says something about the marketing, when I still get more shivers running up and down my spine, from watching the 30 second TV commercials for the game... than I ever got while playing Halo 2 in the first place...

While Halo 2 was definitely not the end-all, be-all of gaming (as we all hoped it would be), it was still the damn funnest game I played all year... The core gameplay mechanics of the Halo series simply cannot be denied. I loved all the weapons in the game, and both dual-wielding and vehicle jacking helped push this game over the top in sheer fun factor quality... And if there's one damn thing that I wish all the Halo-haters would simply try before they cry and whine, is the entire damn game on Heroic difficulty at the bare minimum. Even I admit that Normal difficulty in this game was a complete joke, even though I did die quite a few times on my first run through... It's just that, what made the first Halo so damn good was the AI on Legendary. And except for the idiotic Brutes, I must admit that Halo 2 on Heroic is every damn bit of fun as the first game was in taking out swarms of intelligent enemies...

The sheer combination of multiplayer co-op, dual wielding, amazing AI (on Heroic and Legendary, at least), the badassness that is Master Chief, and the hottness that is the voice of Julie Benz... it all comes together to make what I definitely feel was the most addicting (and probably most polished as well) game of 2004... It may not have lived up to the immeasurable hype. But instead of being the best game ever made, I guess it'll have to settle for my best game of the year award...

Now, as for my runners up... It may feel weird for me, to give the first runner up award to Metroid Prime 2 (a game that I haven't even reviewed yet on my website), considering I've only beaten about 60-70% of the game so far... Still, from what I've played, it blows pretty much every other game from 2004 out of the water, except for the easy pick up and play factor of Halo 2... I admit that the worlds in MP2E are not as "immersive", and not as nostalgic as they were in the original Gamecube incarnation. I'll also readily admit, that I hate the light and dark beams, if only because of their ammo limits... and probably my worst concern with MP2E, is that it's quite the Rare collectathan, with all the temple keys and whatnot... But while these flaws all deny this game the best game of the year award, there's simply no denying the polish that went into this game. Enemies and bosses are huge challenges, with "huge" and "challenge" being key words here, even on normal difficulty... And while it did take a while to get reused to the Metroid Prime controls, after Halo 2 that is, I still loved how well they integrated into this game. Taking on Dark Pirate Crusaders was a great challenge, and I still get freaked out by some of the Ing creatures in this game... plus, firing the Annihilator beam at Luminoth lamp posts and watching the Ing all splat and die, is reason enough for this game to absolutely kick ass and take Reggie names...

I considered a host of other games for my final runner-up award, for best game of the year... afterall, I did play through Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2 twice. I did get so damn addicted to Tales of Symphonia, that I put over 50 hours into it. And Half Life 2 would've been impressive, if I didn't get bored of the game from all the 30 sec loading times on even my cousin's 1 GB of RAM...

But in the end, I agreed with myself, that the game I probably "loved" and cherished most in 2004, was Nintendo's Paper Mario 2: The Thousand Year Door... It was probably the most endearing RPG I have ever played, at least since the original Mario RPG. And maybe even since Earthbound for the SNES?... There were obviously a few flaws in this game, namely some of the piss poor levels late in the RPG, and some of my NPC partners being pretty damn lameass in the end... But overall? Regardless of how "kiddie" this game looks to some, everyone really should give this game a try. It just has an inherent charm factor to it, with all its little punios here and Doopliss factors there. Combine that with still the best damn RPG combat mechanics ever, and you have the game of 2004 that I quite honestly, look most fondly back on... It may not have had the total fun factor of Halo 2, or the polish of Metroid Prime 2. But Paper Mario 2 was pure and simple, unadulterated fun... the kind of innocent fun, that I really do miss from the SNES days, actually...

Best Story of the Year - Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2 - The Sith Lords (Xbox)
Runners-Up: 1 - Paper Mario 2: The Thousand-Year Door (Gamecube), 2 - ... umm... Real Life?... no...

In a sense, Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic got cheated out of my Best Story of the Year award of 2003... so lucky for the series then, that Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic 2 didn't really have a lot of competition in the year of 2004 (hence the fact, that I don't even have 2 runners-up for this award)...

Now, sure... some fans out there will claim that Half Life 2 had a stellar plotline. But those people were probably claiming Half Life 1 a long time ago had a great storyline, while I personally thought that game had absolutely zero plotline to begin with... Tales of Symphonia definitely did keep me interested with its twin world idea, but the story eventually dragged on and on to the point where I just didn't care... and God knows I'd never give the award to Prince of Persia 2, with its goddam Godsmack riffs, blaring and swearing and waiting in the wings... Now, I haven't played MGS3 yet, but I did play MGS2 and Twin Snakes this year, and I ended up pretty much rolling my eyes at every damn cutscene and codec sequence in those two games, so... And Halo 2? Oh my God, talk about the worst storyline ever made, dragging down one of the best first person shooters ever made... Before I played Halo 2, I really was expecting it to at least get a runner up award for best story of the year. But after going through the trials and tribblelations of The Arbiter, The Prophets, The Flood, and the Ark of the Covenant?... oh dear god, it almost made me want to rescind my best game of the year award from Halo 2...

Which brings me to KOTOR 2... because congrats! The game wins by default then!... sure, it feels wrong as a Star Trek fanboy, to give a best story of the year award to a Star Wars thing. But hey, the game kept me interested with its storyline, as all RPGs seem to do... Even though it could never match the sheer majesty of KOTOR 1's Sixth Sense turn of events, I still must admit that all the voice acting and branching dialogue in the game was most HK-47 impressive... and while many characters (Atton, Mira, The Disciple, and the Handmaiden especially) just weren't nearly as interesting as the hotass Bastilla was in the first game, at least HK-47 was back.. and at least we got some nice nostalgic Carth and Bastilla moments, especially with the very nicely done Korriban testing grounds... ahem...

<Condescending Explanation>: Of course, Master... The dialogue is this game could kick your ass and take your name... just go ahead and ask HK-47 how he feels about love... because I must admit, the only things written better than the script of Knights of the Old Republic 2, are my own absolutely stellar reviews of the KOTOR games themselves...

<Egotistical Boast>: And ah yes, was it ever damn fun to level up my Jedi Sentinel / Sith Lord in this game... God, it felt empowering (and kinda damn hot), to see my female dark side character kill entire rooms of Jedi Marauders with just a flick of her force storm wrist...

<Mockery>: Yes, I still missed Bastilla, with her poutty accented lips, and her gasping for air as she screams, "oh I love you, but I hate everything about you! Let's have sex..."... But damn, there was some damn fine eye candy and comedy in KOTOR 2 as well... I dare you not to laugh when you Die Hard your way through the Handmaidens, only to show up at Atris' doorstep and claim in a badass voice, "I'm here for my lightsaber, Atris"... and bitch slap that Bastilla-cloned bitch all the way back to your cargo hold...

There were no great revelations in Knights of the Old Republic 2, and the plotline definitely did feel jagged and unfinished as soon as you finished the four worlds you had to explore... But like all the above explained, the dialogue in this game was simply top notch. I don't think I've laughed that much in a game in my life... or at least, not on purpose...

... well, except for perhaps Paper Mario 2: The Thousand-Year Door of 2004, at least....

If only I had an award for best Japanese to English translation ever made, I'd give the award to Paper Mario 2 in a heartbeat... The plotline did stumble in the latter parts of the game, where the train mystery was nothing but a bore, and poor Bowser never really ended up integral to the storyline afterall...

But definitely the early parts of the game, had the absolute best Nintendo quirks since at least The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker from last year... I loved the little family relations between the punios in the Great Tree. I loved the fact that your koopa partner was weeping over the last letter of a father that wasn't his... But the absolute best stage ever made in a video game (except for the backtracking), has just got to be the Haunted House of the fourth world. Listening to the crows talk about T3 internet connections had me howling on the floor in laughter... and really, there are only three damn words needed, to sum up exactly why this game was a pure godsend to video gaming storytelling...

Best Multiplayer Game of the Year - Halo 2 (Xbox)
Runners-Up: 1 - X-Men Legends (Multiplatform), 2 - Mario Power Tennis (Gamecube)

If you asked me (ironically) before I played Halo 2, then I would've just rolled my eyes and stated in an HK-47 condescending manner, that of course Halo 2 would win the IvanFian multiplayer game of the year award, hands down... the only damn ironic thing though, is that Halo 2 was probably also the hugest disappointment for me, in terms of multiplayer...

Let's get one fact straight: I hate online gaming... I hate it, because I don't have broadband. I am fucking broadband impaired... I don't have Xbox Live... And because of Microsoft's and Sony's push into the online realm, I've been left with absolutely nothing when it comes to my single Xbox with three cousins in the same room...

... sigh... I miss the age of Goldeneye... not EA's goddam Goldeneye, but the real Goldeneye... the classic N64 days...

Halo 2 is absolutely atrocious when it comes to old skool 4 player deathmatches. I couldn't even believe it when I first tried it, but no stage but the old Coagulation stage was any sort of fun at all... Every stage was so obviously made for Xbox Live and 16-player LAN matches, that it simply wasn't funny. It would take ages for me to find my cousins to shoot in the ass, only for the respawning feature to bring them back so far away that half the game was just trying to find each other in the maze... The only thing we did have fun with in multiplayer was Ghost jacking. But even that got boring... once my little cousins figured out how to run me over with the L button...

Despite all the whiners on the net, complaining about the lack of system link or XBL co-op, there was only one damn saving grace to Halo 2's multiplayer: the co-op campaign. And that alone still makes Halo 2 my favourite multiplayer game of the year (if only because of the lack of competition... goddam Xbox Live...)... I mean, it doesn't matter who I was playing with, whether it was my brother, my high school cousin, or the littlest kids of my family of relatives. Co-op on a single system allows for the great, kickass fun of trial and error - with rewards... by allowing my cousins to just run in, die, and respawn where I was, it allowed them to both "progress" and "learn" about the game at the same time. And it was amazing actually - they hated Halo at first, but after just one hour, they were killing Elites by my side on Heroic difficulty. Just unfucking believable... Sure, I hated how Bungie removed the respawning feature from Legendary difficulty (making it in co-op less fun than it is in single player...). And sure, I will never understand why they removed the crescents from stages you beat... But hey, co-op campaigns on a single console are still just as damn fun as they were in the original Halo. And considering I loved nothing but the co-op in the original Halo? Then that's good enough for me...

Now, probably the only reason Halo 2 still earned the best multiplayer of the year award from me, was because there were no decent multiplayer games released this year, outside of the online realm... I sure as hell wasn't going to give an award to Retro, for wasting their time on the Metroid Prime 2 multiplayer (I tried it... it sucks...). So the first runner-up award goes to X-Men Legends, because surprise, surprise - co-op campaigns rule my life... X-Men Legends is a flawed game, a repetitive beat 'em-up if you will. But the game never really got boring for me, half from the novelty factor of fighting against giant Sentinels, and half because I got to take on the whole game with my brother and his friend... It was a great idea, to bring in the arcade element of just pressing start on controllers, to have a four player beat 'em-up game with the X-Men license. It brought back the best memories of Konami's old 6-player X-Men arcade game. And considering that was my second favourite arcade of all time (with TMNT being the first... sorry, Street Fighter 2...), that was sure as hell good enough for me...

Now, the sad thing about Nintendo lately is, even without online to waste time and resources on, my favourite company in the world still hasn't produced any decent multiplayer games in 2004... I was tempted to give the second runner-up award to The Legend of Zelda: Four Swords Adventure. But considering I don't even own a Gameboy Advance, let alone four, I can't really say that I was the biggest fan of GBA connectivity in this game...

So I guess by default (because I can't think of a single other decent multiplayer game this year), I give my final multiplayer nomination to Mario Power Tennis. Because I admit, it was a hell of a lot of fun for my little cousins to team up against the CPU... Sure, the power shots annoyed the hell out of me, considering they freeze the gameplay for redundant animations. But those power shots do add a nice new strategy factor to tennis games, and I definitely loved the gimmick courts myself... My only real gripe with Mario Power Tennis (besides the crap mini games, at least), was the fact that there was no goddam co-op tournament mode. I mean seriously, WTF?... It boggles the mind sometimes, how Nintendo (or Camelot in this case) seems to put so much damn refinement into their portable games, yet always manage to leave huge oversights in their Gamecube releases. Having no co-op tournament mode is inexcusable, and caused my cousins to put down the GC controller after about an hour of play (since these days, you really don't want to keep playing, if you find there's no rewards or point to it all...)...

... still, Mario Power Tennis was a fun game... it just wouldn't have won an award if Sony and Xbox Live wasn't ruining multiplayer as I knew it, at least...

Most Surprisingly Good Game - Tales of Symphonia (Gamecube)
Runners-Up: 1 - Psi-Ops: The Mindgate Conspiracy (Xbox), 2 - Freedom Fighters (Multiplatform)

I guess it shouldn't come to any surprise, that Namco would produce a great RPG. They've been doing it for years, even if I never got into the original Tales of Phantasia on the SNES...

But the thing is, after Grandia II, I've had a real thing against Japanese RPGs. Every single one seemed to have the same generic storyline, the same random (or not random) battles, the same cliche characters, and the same pointless leveling up each and every stage... Tales of Symphonia obviously suffered from all the above, which is why I didn't really expect much from this game. And yet I didn't care about a single damn one of these faults in the end, if only because the battle system was addicting beyond any sort of belief...

Having four of my guys just hacking and slashing away on screen for once, made the battle system second only to the Mario RPG series in greatness... Finally, I had an RPG to truly satisfy my ADD cravings, and I mean that in a good way... I was completely sick of turn based combat in Japanese RPGs, or piss poor real-time combat (like Grandia II had to some extent, in retrospect). But Tales of Symphonia really changed my opinion, and really gave me hope that the Japanese can really produce new, invigorating, if not innovative RPGs from here on out...

... and then Namco released Tales of Rebirth, a clone of their earlier and more boring Tales RPG series, exclusively for the PS2... go figure...

The first runner-up for the most surprisingly good game of 2004, was undoubtedly Midway's Psi-Ops. I mean, I still can't believe it... The makers of endless Mortal Kombat clones and brainless shooters (although I did love the Area 51 arcade), actually made a solid, polished game for once? WTF?!...

But it's true. I bought the game myself, and saw for myself the truth... Psi-Ops really is that damn good. The controls are amazing, especially considering this was the first ever psionic power game in the genre... Flinging bodies with telekinesis is amazing fun and amazingly addicting, if only thanks to the sheer ease and joy of tossing an enemy down a ventilation shaft... Pyrokinesis is especially amusing, if only because I fell in love with the simple but effective fire effects in this game... And absolutely the most guilt-ridden yet enjoyable feature in the game, has just got to be the brain suck. It's just so delightful, to pop a man's head like a balloon... sure, it sounds grotesque and GTA inhumane, but hey - don't knock it until you try it. The game really is that damn good, despite the Midway label on top...

Now, for my final runner-up for most surprising game of the year, I had a toss-up between Need for Speed Underground 2, LOTR: The Return of the King, and Freedom Fighters... While I realize that all three games are made by EA (and after they bought out the NFL, I've now jumped on the EA hate bandwagon), and while the latter two were released in 2003... the thing is, I played LOTR and Freedom Fighters in the summer of 2004, and found them both to be addicting beyond belief...

NFSU2 had great racing mechanics and LOTR had indelible co-op action, but in the end, I just had to give the nod to Freedom Fighters... I just never saw it coming, how a game as ugly looking as this, could be so much damn fun in the end. And it was all thanks to the great controls and your own personal red army in the end... It was just simple fun, to point and send your legion of loyal men to the deaths, with the single click of a button. Freedom Fighters (along with Psi Ops) was the best third person shooter I've ever played, simply because it didn't rely on shooting or aim. It relied on strategy, and with the great gimmick of having an army as your right arm... The game may have been short - only 4 hours long, if you know where to go. But I think I played through Freedom Fighters at least four times, eating my Freedom Fries as I went along of course... FF, LOTR: Return of the King, and NFSU2 are all three great games (no matter what the haters say), that Electronic Arts all managed to magically produce out of their ass last year (NFSU2 is just the NFSU1 engine, afterall)... It's just too bad that perhaps thanks to competition, EA completely choked in 2004, with mediocre games like NHL 2005, Medal of Honor: Pacific Assault, and, uggh... Goldeneye: Rogue Agent...

... guess no more surprisingly good awards for them... not like anyone will ever read these awards of mine, mind you, but still...

Most Disappointing Game - Fable (Xbox)
Runners-Up: 1 - Ninja Gaiden (Xbox), 2 - The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay (Xbox)

2004 may have been one of the best years for video game releases, overall... but I think it's pretty safe to say, that this year produced probably the largest amount of disappointments that I've ever seen in my life as well...

Goldeneye: Rogue Agent is the obvious culprit, although every informed gamer knew how much that game would suck... But there were a lot of games that I personally expected to be good, that just didn't turn out that way... Call of Duty: Finest Hour was plagued with lockups, freezes, and just piss poor FPS accuracy compared to Halo 2... Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles may have been decent, but it was a repetitive beat 'em-up at best. Hardly worth the Final Fantasy name... Killzone and Doom 3. 'Nuff said... And hell, even Halo 2 was a huge disappointment, relatively speaking compared to the hype at least. I hated the multiplayer in it, the single player campaign was too damn short, and the story in the game was one of the worst I have ever been forced to experience, since at least Metal Gear Solid 2 made my eyes and ears taste like burning...

But there was one game, and one game above all else, that sucked beyond all known measures of belief...

Sure, I gave the game a decent score. Hell, in retrospect, I gave it a mark way too high for its own good... The thing is, Fable wasn't that terrible of a game. The combat was stiff, but adequate. The music wasn't altogether so bad. And I did like the wife system, even if I didn't get any lovin' (just like real damn life...)... But suffice to say, when it came to Fable, I wasn't lovin' it... because even if the game wasn't quote mediocre, the fact of the matter... compared to what it was supposed to be like?

Where was the real-time weather effects and lighting? Where was the single player quest that lasted more than either hours?... Where was the clever story we were promised? Where was the soccer with the heads of slaughtered kids, even?... Why were the choices between light and dark so damn useless and futile in the end? What was the friggin' point of the completely missing economic system?... dammit, where's our growing trees?... Xbox fans were promised the world when it came to Fable, just like PC gamers were with Black and White. And it was embarrassing really, to watch the Xbox fanboys try to justify how Fable was the best RPG ever made, when it barely even looked or played better than Sudeki of all crappy games...

But at least Fable wasn't alone in the Xbox disappointment bargain bin of trash...

Regardless of what the "l33t" and "g33k" gamers on the net claim, Ninja Gaiden was pure and utter trash as far as I'm concerned. It was hyped to the blue heaven's, all thanks to the gaming purists claiming that it was hardcore divinity at is finest... But where the hell was the gameplay? The combos were completely missing in action. All you needed to do to beat most opponents, was to simply mash buttons and hope you hit something with the god-awful camera... And the boss battles were just insanely hard. It just makes no logical sense to make the first half of a game so much harder than the second, completely negating all sense of logic for the learning curve of a human being... Yes, I am weaksauce. I sucked at this game. But like I said in my review long ago, if gamers can complain that a game is too easy, why the hell can't I complain that a game is too hard?... Ninja Gaiden was frustrating at best, and the piss poor controls didn't really help things out either...

Now, for my final choice for most disappointing game of the year... I was going to put in Halo 2, considering how much better I thought the game would be than the actual product turned out to be, but... Just because Gamespot picked on Halo 2 and gave all its heaps of praise to The Chronicles of Riddick instead, I thought that it was only fair that I turned the tables on that goddam tabloid of a publication... not that anyone will ever read this, but...

I am quite backwards compared to the rest of the world. I loved the Riddick movie, but hated the game...

I'm sorry. I know that Riddick for the Xbox has been compared to a new age Shenmue mixed with GTA, but I just found it utterly pointless to scrawl the streets of the prison for any clue what the fuck to do in the game... As linear and short as Riddick was, I was still bored out of my mind, because it somehow artificially inflated the gametime from 6 to 10 hours, just from leaving me with no clue what to do in terms of objectives half the time... I hated the first person shooter controls in the game. Hell, if they were going to make Riddick this damn sucky with a gun, I would've preferred Metroid Prime controls, thank you very much... And I was never able to get a hang of the first person fighter controls. I hate stealth in games, and if it wasn't for the badass factor of the EyeShine, I would've hated all the stealth in The Chronicles of Riddick too... I may respect the game, innovative and graphical wise. But I just couldn't find a single ounce of fun in its gameplay, no matter how hard I tried to agree with the critics...

Halo 2 may have been disappointing... but at least I still loved that game... which is far more than I can say, for Fable, Ninja Gaiden, and yes, even Riddick...

... the introduction of the Sony PSP to North American shores... the revelation of the Xbox 2 Xenon at CES and E3... Resident Evil 4 on January 11th... Star Fox Armada in early February... Halo 2.5 supposedly for the Xenon launch... The Legend of Zelda GC coming out in November... Grand Turismo 4 head on with Forza Motorsports... Timesplitters 3, for me at least... and who knows what else is in store for E3 2005?...

While I fully expect 2005 to pale in comparison to 2004, at least gaming wise... I am looking forward to the new year, if only because of all the new technology coming... The PSP, as much as I hate to admit this, will make the Nintendo DS look like a kid's toy in direct screen comparisons (even though I'm sure most potential buyers will be pissed off as hell, once they learn the PSP can't play DVD movies, and can't even play their PS2 games...). And with 3 separate parallel processors in the Xenon, I can only guess what the next generation of graphics will look like... even as a Nintendo gimmick fan, I am excited by general technological progress in the industry. And with the next generation of gaming just ahead, now in reach, how the hell could I not be excited?...

[c. visitors too bored to return...]
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