IvanF's IVT No-Name Brand Website (January 2009: Television, Movie and Video Gaming Reviews)

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Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Requiem small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

And to commemorate this event, lest we ever forget? We need not just one, nor two, but three quotes to remember this day of infamy...

Seriously, this is how the writers wanted us to last remember Lana Lang, the dumbass bitch that was apparently too lazy to spend ten milliseconds of her time to check out some giant, glowing bomb thing on the fucking Daily Planet roof? Seriously, you could even see it from outside on ground level with human eyes, it was that fucking goddam green. WTF?...

And oh, how else did the writers want to forever burn Lana's memory into our fucking eye sockets? By making our retinas bleed with the goddam sad ass excuse that she and Clark can never be together because of Kryptonite in her suit (as if Jor'El or a repaired Fortress of Solitude wouldn't be able to fix that). I mean seriously, sure maybe the lip lock turned into ugly popping veins was romantic in some star-crossed, high school emo way, but shouldn't Smallville be past that sort of crap by now (or at least I had hoped this season)? Wouldn't it have been more mature and more "Superman" for Clark and Lana to have left each other by their own choice because they realize they've moved on from one another? Wouldn't it have been more sound for Clark to either realize he had feelings for Lois Lane, or at least realized that all the lies between him and Lana kind of spelled Doomsday for their relationship? Instead, we got more incessant whining and pouting from the so-called Man of Steel, who once again let Lana wear the pants in the relationship in terms of telling him when to stop suckling the bottle. I really had hoped Smallville had grown beyond this kind of emo OC bullshit, but apparently old habits die harder than Doomsday ever did. I'm thankful that Lana is out of the picture, but this was one of the most excruciatingly immature ways for the writers to ever get the job done. WTF?...

Requiem was like a bad dream, even going so far as to pretend like we had Michael Rosenbaum back, only to realize it was some Hannibal Lector of a wannabe who decided to blow himself up. Some have argued on the internet that Lex isn't dead, that either he faked his own death (with a clone or something) or even managed to somehow download himself into Oliver Queen when we weren't looking. That'd certainly be true to character for Lex, but I'm with Michael Rosenbaum on this, that it just doesn't feel like the real Lex Luthor unless we get the real actor back to play the part. I never once felt any sort of suspense in this episode, and I was sadly even rooting for this so-called Lex when he had Clark and Lana making emo-constipated-faces at one another on the goddam roof. It's probably for the best that Lex has been kicked off the series for the time being, considering the Doomsday plotline (and perhaps even Chloe still turning to the dark side) made for a much more interesting season than any previous year before. I do miss Michael Rosenbaum, just like I miss having John Glover on the series. But I was certainly no fan of this foobar Lex Luthor on the series, and I certainly felt no qualms in seeing him get blown up in a random fucking truck...

The rest of the plotline consisted of Oliver Queen admitting to murder (if that was Oliver, I mean), and Chloe pretending like the decision to kill some random meteor freak was solely because of the Brainiac influence within her. I don't mind both characters' turns to the dark side of the DC comics, especially considering both characters had become stale over the last season or so. I just wish their storylines weren't relegated to the back burner of the Clark and Lana Part Deux bullshit crap, as Clana made everyone feel that much worse in this goddam episode. Hell, I felt like I was watching an hour full of Jimmy and the Bimmy yet he wasn't even on the screen once. Why the hell the writers chose to devote all this screentime to Lana fucking Lang while leaving Chloe as just some random girl knocked out by fairy dust is beyond me. Fuck, we didn't even get the requisite scene of Chloe helpless on the ground in the hospital, with that uber hot nurse clutching and begging for her touch. WTF?...

Well, at least Chiara was fucking cute as hell as the uber-naive nurse over there. Really though, shouldn't she be by her husband Ronon's side in Atlantis rather than the random dumbass plot-point in fucking things up? Did she even have a role besides looking adorable and letting the evil fat bastard out of his cage? WTF?...

And that pretty much sums up Requiem as a whole. Who the fuck let the season seven writers of Smallville out of their fucking cages? Who the fuck gave them free reign to write such cock-sucking bullshit as this? Season eight was going so well, and then this episode happened as a sad end and requiem to the goddam Lana mythology that should have never been let out of its Pandora's Box in the first place. WTF?...

Seriously, she couldn't even spot a giant fucking neon, pulsating bomb on the roof of the Daily Planet? Was she as dumb as the writers who thought this episode would be a fucking good idea? WTF?...

I was honestly crying with her when this episode ended. Half out of happiness because Lana Lang was finally gone...

... and half because I must have been as stupid as she was to watch this fucking Requiem...

Finally an episode I can get behind. Finally Ron Moore delivers on his own fucking oath to entertain...

Finally we had an episode that I wasn't bored to tears from. Was it of the same quality as Hand of God or Pegasus, the two episodes of the series I was actually on the edge of my seat for? No, not quite, but at least it stands up there with Exodus and whatever other second tier sort of crap. A ton of action happened in The Oath and almost made the boring, plodding plotline of A Disquiet Folllows My Soul into something worthwhile. Well, okay, maybe nothing could make that steaming pile of shit entertaining, but at least The Oath made me forget about it for twenty or so minutes at least...

The Oath was exactly the kind of story that made Battlestar Galactica a rivetting experience back in its first and second seasons. We had a simple dilemma and a simple premise, with Admiral Adama overstepping his bounds in ordering every human ship to install Cylon technology aboard their vessels. Even the quorum was completely against it, including Lee Adama to some extent. The Admiral was trying to use his military authority to accomplish something that even I disagreed with, as it's simply not a good idea to install brand new technology into aging ships, especially when no-one on those ships even knows how to do simple maintenance on this new bullshit. This is the kind of schism that made episodes like Pegasus into something worthwhile to watch in the past, as BSG has always been about tough decisions that can go either way. And when the debate is taken off the table, then the fire-fights start and that's exactly what happened here in The Oath. It's textbook, old skool Battlestar Galactica, and for one frakkin' week of the fourth season of the show, I actually goddam approve...

Dualla had her final swan song not so long ago, and it seems like Lt. Gaeta will be having his final say very soon. To be honest, even with the webisodes centering around him, I don't really understand why he's suddenly become so bitter and so disloyal to the Adama administration. Sure in the past, he preferred Baltar over Roslin, which cost him a ton of his pride and naivete, but he's been pretty much fine and normal since then. Are we really to expect that a lost leg and a little pep talk from Zarek was all he needed to turn to the dark side of the force? Well, alright, it sucks to be betrayed by a fucking hot Grace Park model like he was in the webisodes, but even then, he can just stop by the baseship and get a couple more for shits and giggles. Even though I didn't truly understand his motives here in The Oath, I have to admit it was one of the actor's best moments on the series, dictating orders yet looking conflicted as hell at times over what he was doing. He believed that his actions were just, but deep down inside, you could tell he was simply a bitter man crying out for a little more rubbing cream on his pirate leg of a stub...

Besides being Felix Gaeta's last chance to shine, it seems Tom Zarek finally gets to have his martyr moment that he's been desperate for since the first season of the show. Unlike Gaeta, he doesn't really believe that the coup he's orchestrating is the right thing to do. He could have easily just detained Lee Adama, but you could tell how much ambition for power and lust for revenge he had hidden in his eyes when he sent the poor boy wonder off to die. I'm not sure if the actor who plays Tom Zarek actually approves of this new BSG series (considering he was the Lee Adama of the old series of the same name), but if he was harbouring any true ill will, at least it actually got the chance to shine in the spotlight here in The Oath. I think he did a fine job as the little devil on Gaeta's shoulder in this episode, and I'm sure he'll be smiling in a suit when all is said and done and he finally goes out in the blaze of glory his character was always meant to have...

The Oath wasn't an amazing episode outside of those two characters, but at least it offered something for everyone involved. Chief Tyrol got to stop whining about either religion or being a frakkin' Cylon, and simply went back to looking after the ship like he used to be so good at back in the day. Baltar started off boring when it came to his whole Jesus-wannabe bullshit all over again, but at least some of his old personality traits started to shine through once more, with his instinctive ability to turn tail and run like the best of cowards we know and love. Anders finally got to make a token appearance again, beaten up by Peter from Stargate Atlantis of all British wimps, but at least it was good to be reminded that he is a Cylon and that he does have a purpose on the show afterall. And Helo? Well, I'm just happy that he was beaten the frak up as well as the pussy-whipped loser that he is. I've never been on the side of the people who prey on helpless Cylons, despite the human holocaust, but when it comes to goddam Helo in all his annoying boringness? He's fair game for any amount of dropping the soap, as far as I'm concerned...

The Oath was also the episode where President Roslin finally got to step up and show that she truly is in charge. The actress did a great job in showing just how distressed she was not just that power was being usurped from under her throne, but that Admiral Adama was going to go down with his ship. I may never be able to burn that god-awful image out of mind of the two of them frakkin' each other in bed, but at least I can still find their romance to be the sweetest thing there is when saying goodbye to one another, perhaps for the last time. Roslin did a great job in trying to slow down the rebellion, and Admiral Adama had a lot of great scenes of loyalty and camaraderie with Colonel Tigh, especially when it came to their badass stand-off at the end of the episode. Hell, even Lee and Starbuck got a few old skool moments back in the episode, with that small little kiss that reminded me just how great of a match they were back in the first season, especially in episodes like Hand of God...

Now don't get me wrong, The Oath was certainly no Hand of God, but at least it was a nice start back to the pinnacle of the series. It was a simple story with a simple scenario with simple character actions and emotions that are believable in their situations. I can only hope Battlestar Galactica can go out on top, but it's a long way back from the bottom of the goddam barrel. Seeing tons of action all bunched together in one hour of a coup de grace was very entertaining though, and that's all I ask for at bare minimum from the goddam series these days...

Finally, Ron Moore gave us an episode worth fighting for and worth goddam watching for once...

Finally, he went back to his oath and gave us something that was not a total piece of crap...

Y2kk Update: - Battlestar Galactica: A Disquiet Follows My Soul (Spoilers...) -

Ron Moore is a shitty writer. Now we officially know that Ron Moore is a shitty director too...

Honestly, "A Disquiet Follows My Soul"? That's the best emo title he could come up with for the episode he chose to direct? Now, I will admit that some of the cinematography during this last hour of Battlestar Galactica was decent, but it all simply screamed to me an amateurish sort of frakkin' art, as if I was watching some college kid filming with a big budget for the very first time...

The rest of the story was lame and boring as fuck, although I do understand the importance of following up on last week's events. With Dualla simply being the first to thankfully suicide herself, obviously the cast and crew had to get their shit together to give the people some semblance of hope. I just don't know if retrofitting every human ship with Cylon jump-technology is goddam worth it though. Seriously, I understand they might run out of fuel sooner or later, but how can it be wise to install organic technology that no human understands in every single ship, and then suddenly trust that it works without any sort of proper engineering testing or maintenance whatsoever? It's not just a matter of trusting the Cylons that come onboard, it's also about Murphy's Law that everything that can go wrong will go wrong. I was actually on Felix Gaeta's side here, that it was a dumbass decision to not only let Cylons onboard every single ship in the fleet (as if they wouldn't cause a mass riot thanks to, you know, the holocaust of all of humanity) but also replace every ship's tried and true propulsion and navigation systems on the simple word that maybe it will save their lives one day. Seriously, I for one wouldn't let this decision go through, why should Adama? WTF?...

I'm sorry, this episode was dumbass and disturbing on so many levels. On one side, I sadly agree with Gaeta for once, which shames me after seeing him throw away a free Grace Park in the goddam webisode series. On the other side, we had a disgusting image placed in our heads of a naked Admiral Adama with President Roslin. Sure, I find the two to be a sweet couple under normal circumstances, but did we honestly have to see them together like that? It's almost like seeing your own mother and father frakkin' each other's brains out right before they get a divorce. It's just not right, and the human soul was not meant to take this kind of abuse. WTF, Ron Moore? Seriously, WTF?...

Most of this episode consisted of gratuitous camera shots that only a high school filmboy obsessed with Donnie Darko would love. I guess I was glad so much time was wasted by watching the president run through the corridors of Galactica, if only because we were left with less insufferable lines of script instead. But really, wasn't there nothing better that Ron Moore could do with his time? He was trying to set the stage up for the events of The Oath, where Gaeta and Tom Zarek stage a coup de grace on everyone's ass. That's fine, but why bother with such a horribly boring plotline of some random ship in the fleet following Zarek's orders to disappear, only to end up being brought back to the fold five minutes later? I understand Zarek just wanted to show he had some support on his side, and I guess that got Gaeta talking to him in the end. But there was absolutely no pay-off in this single episode by itself, and it all led to the most painful, monumentally boring bullshit thanks to Ron fucking Moore. WTF?...

And oh, turns out Hot Dog is really the father of Tyrol's child. Are we actually supposed to give a damn? So Cally wanted to kill herself and her human child? Wow, give her the mother of the year award then. What a fucking slut...

Seriously, 'A Disquiet Follows My Soul'? Wow, an overly pretentious name for an overly pretentious series made by an overly pretentious prick. Why am I not surprised?...

My soul has had enough. The only thing that follows me anymore is the haunting vision of President Roslin and Admiral Adama frakking each other up. Dear fucking Lords of Kobol...

Y2kk Update: - Battlestar Galactica: Sometimes a Great Notion Review (Spoilers...) -

Sometimes a great series turns out to be a total piece of Battleshit Galactica...

I had such high hopes for the fourth season of the show, and this is what we get? For some, seeing Earth in ruins as the result of Skinjob Judgment Day was the most important day of their life. But for me though? It was Tuesday...

Was there anything that I actually cared about in this episode? It was all a bunch of doom and gloom and emo bullshit that I just couldn't connect to on any single level. Are you honestly going to tell me that Admiral Adama, the man who started off using Earth as just an excuse to get the fleet moving, was so shaken and stirred by Revelations that he actually was begging like a dog in heat for his XO to suicide him? I honestly don't get why people lost so much hope in Battlestar Galactica, when in some twisted way, doesn't the discovery of earth pretty much validate the old prophecies as being at least somewhat true? Before, everyone just lived on faith, and now they actually have some level of proof of their gods and their afterlives and shit like that. And they choose to go all emo apeshit and crying over the walls instead? WTF?...

I was supposed to care about Dualla offing herself, wasn't I? Instead, all I could feel was the horror in Lee's eyes. Not that his ex-wife killed herself, but that she chose to kill herself after their fucking date. I mean seriously, was he that damn bad? Was he really that horrible of a night out that she didn't even want to get fucked one last time before ending her life? I mean honestly, if I was Lee, I'd be feeling like total shit right now that on her last night in the world, she didn't even want to frak one last time. WTF? And as for Dualla herself, she was always a weak and annoying character that never had any chemistry with Lee in the first place. Good riddance, the actress was sadly better in her high school days on Smallville than anywhere else. Pretty much, as soon as I saw her point that gun at her head? The commercial that followed up on the Space Channel honestly sang out all the words that I wanted to shout out myself...

"I just want to celebrate - another day of living! I just want to celebrate - another day of living! OH YEAH!"

Finally, the bitch is dead. Then again, isn't that what I said about Kara Thrace and yet she's still sadly around, extra body and all? I mean, I wanted to get some answers for a) how she was able to come back from Maelstrom and b) why the frak she's the destroyer of humanity or whatever sort of shit. Instead, all we got here was some sight-seeing of a downed Viper fighter, a body that had Kara's dog-tags, and Leoban running like a scalded dog in fear of the woman he had shackled as his play-toy not so long ago. Seriously, WTF?...

The only parts of Sometimes a Great Notion that I did enjoy revolved around the Final Five Cylons themselves (and the scenes with Grace Park in the background, but that's a given). It was somewhat interesting to learn that Earth was the home of an entire colony of Cylons that could breed, but why call this planet Earth then? There wasn't anything Earthly about it besides the same cars and modern technology we saw back on Caprica anyways. We didn't even get to see any land-masses to confirm if it's "our" Earth, but that's what the Cylons chose to call the planet anyways. It was a decent reveal that Ellen was the final Cylon, except that it ruins the importance around her death since now I'm sure we'll end up seeing her again. I was interested in the mythology Ron Moore had built up in Revelations for the show, but I was left completely underwhelmed from the answers we got here...

Seriously, sometimes a great idea leads to a shit episode, and that's what we got here. Do I really want to watch the president go all Smallville on our asses when sadly, the events of this hour should have proven to her that there is some merit to the prophecies she had been following for so long now? WTF?...

This was not the fabled return to the airways of Earth that I expected from Battlestar Galactica. To say that I was as goddam disappointed as Dualla is a frakkin', fucking understatement...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Power small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

For an hour there, I thought I was back at my boring job from last year, doing absolutely nothing all day. I thought the Toronto Raptors were kicking ass and taking names on their way to the goddam playoffs. I thought my grandpa was alive and well and all was alright with my family. And for an hour there, I thought it was the seventh season of fucking Smallville all over again, all thanks to goddam Power...

Wow, this episode sucked. It sucked so bad that it pulled a Spiderman 3, went back in time, and made the first two Spiderman movies somehow shittier in the process. WTF?...

"It took them eight fucking seasons to come up with the name 'power'? And it took them eight fucking seasons of progress for yet another episode to end with Clark Kent and Lana Lang making out to the sounds of groaning audiences everywhere? WTF?"...

Need I say more? Three fourths of Power was dedicated to Clark Kent acting like a puppy-dog in love with steroids, bouncing about from place to place searching for his chew toy. He was absolutely not the hero that the first half of the season was building him up to be. Instead, he was just a whiner and a confused motherfucker, all angsty and hurt inside that Lana didn't trust him with the fact she wanted to become a psycho bitch with Superman powers all over again. The other quarter of the episode was dedicated to Tess Mercer, who may look hot as hell even when reading from the dictionary in her office, but was completely out of her element as the misguided queen bitch who kicks random baddies in the eyeballs with her high heel boots. I felt nothing for her, even compared to last week when I was laughing it up at her misfortune when getting her ass kicked by Chun Li in the Isis Foundation. Sure, I might end up giving Power at least some props for bringing Lex Luthor back into the equation, but then I remember that Michael Rosenbaum is still missing from the show and that the producers are just giving us yet another Silence of the Lamb bullshit tease here. WTF?...

Then we had the final sequence, with Lana Lang jumping to the rescue with superspeeds and a supercatch of a bullet, proving once again that every single fucking race in the universe but humanity has all the best natural abilities out there. Seriously though, what was the point of Lana getting Kryptonian powers, especially after they kept reminding us (unfortunately) of the painful episode last year when she got to share them with Clark? Wow, so in the last final episode that Kristen Kreuk is scheduled for the show, we'll get more Matrix kung-fu kicks in the air followed by earthquake sex that nobody honestly gives a shit about? Wow, you can honestly tell that I'm enthused as anyone else about the revertigo back to season seven and six and five and four and three and two and bloody hell one. After eight fucking years of Smallville, we were finally having progress, we were finally having change, we were finally developing into the proper Superman mythos that the show had promised since day one, and then Lana fucking Lang steps back into the fold? She was fine for the first two episodes she entered, but now it's like the writers just want to remind us exactly how much better than season has been without her, by proving to us directly just how fucking much we hated her in the first place. WTF?...

Need I say more? It's like deja vu all over again, and not in a good way. The only power that Lana Lang truly gained in this episode, was the ability to make me forget all about the positives that the eighth season of the show has delivered so far, and reminding me of just why I'm thanking the stars and Lords of Kobol that she is only contracted for one more final fucking episode this year...

She makes me feel like I'm fucking back in high school again, when I got dumped by a girl for some random guy off IC-fucking-Q in San Jose...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Bulletproof small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Nope, sorry, I stand corrected. I thought Smallville was on the right track to becoming a consistently decent show again. I was wrong...

"One half of this episode had Clark whining about right and wrong to the cops. The other half had him confused and angsty towards Oliver Queen. The last bit had him chuckling as a bullet bounced off his goddam 'vest'. This is the Clark Kent we're supposed to idolize? WTF?"...

I don't get how the writers got it so wrong in Bulletproof, an episode that had less moral values and maturity than the Adam Sandler film of the same name. Clark Kent here was a whiny asshole who seemed to only bring others down to his level of morals and conscience by complaining left right and centre off his pedestal. Obviously, we as an audience know what Superman stands for, that life is not about revenge but about rising above it and living as a decent person. The little kid dressing up as the Red-Blue-Blur was a good reminder of that, but the rest of the episode was not. Instead, we as an audience were inundated with boring BBQ after BBQ, slow-ass sniper shot after sniper shot, and an ending with Clark Kent and Oliver Queen all bending over backwards for Lt. Gaeta over in the doctor's office who got to show everyone exactly why he starred in the BSG webisodes this year...

In my last review, I commented that I no longer feel the need to keep my Smallville reviews short. I stand corrected on that front too. There is absolutely nothing to say about Bulletproof, as it was neither an enjoyable episode to watch nor a god-awful terrible one that was affront to my senses. It was simply a boring piece of shit in an otherwise miraculous season of Smallville, and part of the blame rests on Lana Lang's Chun-Li thunder thighs and shoulders. Why the hell would the writers bring her back together with Clark Kent anyhew? If I didn't know she was leaving the show in another couple of weeks for good this time, I'd be throwing shit at my TV in anger. I'm hoping that her departure this time around will truly teach Clark exactly what Lana was professing in the previous episode, when she wasn't just a total bitch of a prick in the ass. The world needs Clark Kent, and Clark Kent needs to be a hero more than anything else in the world. Here, we went back to a small time little cop gig, which would have been fine I suppose if it was only meant to remind us that truly saving a person means to save their soul. But instead, what we got more of was every single one of our own souls dying every single second that Lana Lang was left on screen to kick ass and take merciful names. Where the fuck has Lois gone anyways? I'd even take Jimmy the Bimmy back over this shit. WTF?...

Was Chloe even in this episode? I already forget. Was Allison Mack directing? Either she was given Bulletproof or the next episode, so I don't think she was given much good to work with here. And Tom Welling, must you really have gotten back on that high horse again to talk down and annoy everyone with your incessant ranting and noname whining? Ha, I know I may sound no better on this website of mine, but at least I'm not supposed to be a superhero that the entire galaxy idolizes for centuries to come. Clark Kent was a hero in Legion, and arguably I guess he saved a person's conscience here. But everything just felt so wiped out by that smug and cocky look on his face when he stupidly blocked a bullet with his goddam gut and then laughed about it after. It was like a scene written by a bad anime writer. WTF?...

Bulletproof was anything but what the title suggests when it comes to comments by the critics. After so many great episodes in the eighth season of the show so far, why did they have to mess everything up with such a boring filler? Probably the only scene I could stomach was Lana Lang going all kung-fu on Tess Mercer's ass, and even that was a laughable joke as far as I'm concerned. Sure, I can watch the two beauties go at each other all day, but only because the only sounds I'd prefer to hear from their mouths are grunts and releases of ecstasy...

Smallville should be better than this by now. Unfortunately though, as soon as Lana Lang comes back into the picture? What exactly does How I Met Your Mother call it again? Revertigo? Associative regression?...

... or as we Smallville fans know it better as, goddam Clark Kent angst all over again...

... in which case, I wish I was bulletproof for all the times I've wanted to shoot myself in the goddam head...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Legion small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

It's been a long time coming, and I'm not just talking about Legion after the Christmas hiatus break. I'm also talking about that feeling I have for the first time in almost a goddam eternity, of not being able to wait for the conclusion of a goddam Smallville episode out of all fucking television. WTF?...

But that's the kind of season that the eighth has been to show. Even with the return of Lana Lang, I could not wait for Smallville to return. Seriously, WTF?...

"Chloviac looking hot and horny and possessed as fuck? Count me the fuck in. And was it just me, or did Allison Mack sound so damn satisfied after being 'exorcised', lying helplessly on that table all purring and glowing in the barn? WTF?"...

Seriously, how could I possibly hate on Legion when Allison Mack did a masterful job of looking and scheming and sounding like a horny as fuck Brainiac in a repressed cutie body, while Cosmic Girl from the Legion looked smokin' hot and as concerned for Chloe as two amazing blondes could possibly share? Now sure, there were definitely issues with this episode, like the rest of the Legion acting as wooden as if they were fresh off the acting lessons from Keanu Reeves, and obviously I wasn't the biggest fan of Lana Lang using up any damn screen time. But even so, Legion was a very good episode from start to finish, if only for the fact that Clark Kent received and dished out the true meaning of what a hero means...

I'm sorry, but how could the inner comic book geek in me not get as excited as the Legion did when talking about Superman's future heroics and legacy? And again, how the hell could I not laugh in unison with probably the rest of the crowd, when we all agreed that this Tom Welling version of Clark Kent was as disappointing as the Legion realized he was too. But in the end, the true morals and values of the Superman mythos did shine through, as Chloe was saved not just because the writers wanted to spare the actress, but because the producers finally realized it was time that the Red-Blue-Blur stood for exactly what the Superman comics have always meant towards aspiring comic book readers like me. The Legion was cold and calculating at the start, believing Superman to do whatever is necessary for the greater good, without ever seeming to remember just how much of a golden boy scout Clark Kent has always been. In past episodes, especially when Lana was around, Tom Welling made the worst of the situation by seemingly saving people's lives not out of a greater ideal but simply out of angst-ridden guilt. Here though, he finally took the initiative and felt like a true hero and a true leader. For once, he really did bring out the best in others, even if he doubted himself. And for once, I didn't have migraines from a Clark and Lana talk at the end of a goddam Smallville episode. WTF?...

There were a lot of positives all around when it came to Legion, as it was a well done episode for any true comic book fan. Lana Lang got to hear a bit of her own future fortune, not to mention the fact she had a super sexy and hot lesbian moment between her and that blonde Legion girl all alone in the Isis Foundation. Meanwhile, Allison Mack put in her most stunning evil performance yet as a possessed Chloe Sullivan, and the inflections and nuances she put into her mannerisms and speech compared to her usual character were simply revelatory and off the charts hot. Davis Bloome was the unfortunate recipient of love spurned once more, but even he didn't prove to be useless as the story did make sense that the "destroyer" of earth would have the ability to blend in perfectly with the population, personality and temporary conscience included I guess. Seeing the Fortress of Solitude and witnessing the destruction of Brainiac one last time (for now) in the most sexy of exorcism rituals possible, was exactly the kind of kickass comic book badassery that I had been hoping for from this series for so long now...

Add in the fact that Jimmy the Bimmy was nowhere to be found, and that Tom Welling actually had a strong acting role when it came to mentoring the kids from the future, and then what do you have? Possibly the first ever conclusion to a Smallville cliffhanger that I've ever fucking goddam enjoyed...

This season has certainly been weird and surprising in the sense that it's actually been goddam good. And when you can add in a sexy possessed Chloe, an unbelievably hot telepath from the future, and even a Chun-Li Lana Lang that wasn't that damn annoying for the first time in a goddam eternity?...

Suddenly, I don't feel the need for "small" Smallville weeks in review anymore...

Y2kk Update: - Stargate Atlantis: Enemy at the Gate Series Finale Review (Spoilers...) -

I'm going to miss Stargate Atlantis, I really am. I know that Stargate Universe is just around on the horizon, and I know I've been overly critical of SGA in the past. The series always had a "problem" that there was no real character dynamic between anyone else than Sheppard and McKay and Beckett, but I never really found that a problem as I was consistently entertained. The first season of the show was perhaps one of the best years of Stargate ever produced, and every other odd-numbered season since then has been worth the wait as well. I've always missed the old mythological feeling that SG-1 used to have as a series, as I've often complained that Atlantis was far too technobabblish Sci-Fi in comparison. Even so, there were so many great team-based episodes and simple character driven stories over the years that some of Atlantis' finest moments (like McKay and Mrs. Miller) stand as some of my favourite Stargate episodes of all time, if not of all television...

I've also complained long and hard for a while now that I felt the writers squandered every opportunity they've had to end Atlantis on a truly epic note. Why not take notes from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine or even their own original plans for the eighth season of SG-1, by ending off the fifth and final season of the series with a truly epic war arc worthy of the Atlantis name? Instead, all we got was Enemy at the Gate, which was a great episode in terms of plot points (with Atlantis returning to earth for this 100th episode of the series), but completely lacking in poise and pacing. Enemy at the Gate may have worked out if it was a two-part episode or even an extended single like Threads was on SG-1, but it completely failed on so many levels not just as a single season-finale wrapped up in one measly hour, but as the goddam series finale for what could be the last successful Stargate series ever made...

Everything in Enemy at the Gate felt rushed to the point of insanity, with random plot points jumping out of hyperspace like the wormhole drive which was never even mentioned before. Why not space out the series finale between three separate episodes? Have Vegas air four weeks ago, have the introduction of Todd and the Super Wraith Hive Ship the week after, have the build-up to the arrival of the Wraith at earth the week after that, and then finish it all off with a character driven return of Atlantis to our fair planetary oceans. It sounds so logical to me, and this was exactly the way the writers envisioned the Siege arc back in season one. So honestly, what happened to the series since then?...

There are just so many plot-holes in Enemy at the Gate that I don't even think I have time to point them all out. I already mentioned the wormhole drive, a deus-ex machina that I'm sure will be used again in Stargate Universe for convenience sake. There's also the convenient fact that a single Wraith Hive Ship suped up with an Ancient ZPM or two suddenly becomes more powerful than any other ship in the known universe, whether we're comparing it to Asgard or Earth or Ori or even goddam Atlantis itself. And the attack on earth was so damn disappointing and poorly thought out by the writers that it was almost as bad as StarFleet's 001 defences back in Best of Both Worlds. WTF?..

Okay, so what if the chair was moved to Area 51? Shouldn't there be tons of anti-aircraft weapons there, whether we're talking rail guns or even traditional flak cannons? Why were the F-302 squadrons so outnumbered when not only has earth had so many years to build fleets of them now, but they also should have been backed up by F-16s and F-22 Raptors? Worst of all, out of all fucking defences to use, why wasn't anyone sitting in the fucking Ancient chair in the first place, using our thousands of drones to take out any Wraith darts coming our way? How could earth be so fucking unprepared for any sort of attack, that not only did we not have any sort of Asgard satellite defence grid protecting our planet, not only did we still not have any alien-advanced ICBM warheads, not only did we have no decoys or back-ups for the goddam Ancient chair itself, but we didn't even have goddam time to arm our fucking fighter jets with nukes? What the flying, frakkin' fuck? WTF?...

Alright, so I admit I was really hoping for more plot-wise from Enemy at the Gate rather than the Daedalus getting its ass kicked in one hit, the Odyssey with a ZPM being mysteriously somewhere else in the universe, and the Apollo and Sun Tzu or whatever just appearing as pathetic Wolf 359 type of defences. I was hoping for a greater sum of parts from Atlantis than just firing a couple of useless drones at the Wraith Hive Ship, then proving how shitty ass Ancient war-machines really are by losing badly even with three ZPM's worth of power. I really wanted better pacing and better dialogue that just random shooting and fighting in the gallows of a Wraith Hive Ship yet again, to the sound of a good ol' fashioned nuke blowing up an alien ship in earth orbit yet again. Speaking of which, why the fuck didn't Atlantis just send a bomb over to the Wraith Hive Ship once they realized the Stargate had a connection? Even if they didn't take any nukes from the Daedalus before leaving that poor ship to rot in the Pegasus Galaxy, didn't Woolsey still have plenty of naquada reactors he could set to overload? WTF?...

As for the characters, unfortunately I also felt everything but the ending was rushed to a fault. Teyla was barely in the episode at all, except when given a speech by Woolsey asking if she wanted to be dropped off with her son and husband. Really though, she has nowhere to go, considering her people were almost driven to extinction and Atlantis was the only home she and her family have ever known. Ronon at least got a moment of glory when he busted a nut thanks to a knife in his gut. Unfortunately, the writers decided to take away whatever pity we felt for the character as soon as we conveniently learned that not only can Wraith restore health, but can also fucking raise the dead. I guess it's no more of a deus-ex machina than the Goa'uld sarcophogus was back on SG-1, but it still cheapened Ronon's sacrifice of giving his life for a planet he barely even knows. He's always wanted to die fighting the Wraith, and now he has. Now that he's attained his goal, now what?...

Neither Teyla nor Ronon had much dialogue outside of their conversation with Woolsey. Unfortunately, Robert Picardo had a minimal role as well, acting more like the Emergency Holographic Doctor back on Voyager during his days of commander day-dreaming than anything else. Enemy at the Gate was one of the most Star Trek-like episodes I think the writers have given to date, with so much technobabble that I'm sure Picardo was right back at home on Voyager. I love him as an actor, and he was really the only saving grace of seven years of goddam Kathryn Janeway. But even so, aside from the ending on the balcony, he was wasted yet again here on Atlantis, where he was reduced to giving looks of concern on his face whenever some new, random problem would happen with the engines, with the weapons, or with crashing into the atmosphere. There just wasn't any real suspense in this episode, regardless of how well Woolsey tried to show his fear. WTF?...

Even Carson Beckett didn't feel right this episode. He just returns back to Atlantis to jump into the driver's seat of the Ancient chair, where he drives the city back home to earth and then fires ten or so useless drones to distract the Wraith Hive Ship? I don't know, but he just didn't seem very true to the Carson Beckett we know and love. He was simply so eager to go to war with none of his usual concerns or fears. He didn't even have any special moments with McKay when it came to comedy or banter like we've grown so accustomed to before in the past. I appreciated that the writers chose to use Beckett here far more than Jennifer Keller, who was reduced to a token scene as the new emergency holographic doctor of the Starship Voyager. But at least Jewel Staite got a great send-off not just with her cuteness on the balcony, but also with how smokin' fucking irresistibly hot she was back in Vegas. Carson Beckett here unfortunately got a send-off that simply wasn't memorable nor true to his inner heart of character whatsoever. WTF?...

Enemy at the Gate was the return of Colonel Samantha Carter, and apparently her time on Sanctuary did Amanda Tapping good. She looked really nice compared to the last time we saw her on Stargate, and absolutely the best part of the episode was the genuine remembrance of Don S Davis as General George Hammond. It was fitting and appropriate that Amanda Tapping would get to provide the moment of memorial for one of the greatest actors ever on a Stargate series, but I just wish the rest of her performance was nearly as good. She basically just sat there as the commander of the SGC, dictating orders to computer screens but never suggesting anything of value. At least Sheppard got to ask for a goddam nuke on his fighter jet, but what did Carter do beside pout and hold her breath as if Atlantis was actually not going to make it through the atmosphere? Enemy at the Gate was also the return of Major Davis from SG-1, but I couldn't help but feel sorry for him considering he's spent so many years of his life dedicated to the Stargate program, yet he still hasn't gotten a goddam promotion? WTF? If anything, instead of Major Davis, I would have thought it more appropriate to bring back either Jack O'Neill or Daniel Jackson, if only because they've been on Atlantis before, if only to share in the moment of remembrance with Amanda Tapping for Don S Davis...

As for the good in this episode? Rodney McKay has never been bad, I just wish he had more banter and chemistry with Carson Beckett and Zelenka in this episode than he did in the end. Instead, Rodney was confined mostly to looking freaked out on the Wraith Hive Ship, communicating more with Major Lorne and the silent Teyla than anyone else. I was hoping for a lot more comic relief in this episode than just the audience chuckling at how McKay of all people could get someone as sweet and SGA perfect as Jennifer Keller on that final balcony scene. I love David Hewlett as an actor and I think he's been by far the star of Stargate Atlantis as a series. But the writers and director just didn't get to give him a chance to shine here in Enemy at the Gate, as everything was simply too rushed for the kind of perfect comedic timing he normally has with Beckett, Zelenka and Sheppard. I personally felt way too much of this episode concentrated on Colonel Carter staring at computer screens with a giant red dot sitting behind the moon, and we didn't even get any goddam Rodney and Sam moments of awkward banter either. Seriously, there were so many wasted opportunities for every character here in Enemy at the Gate that it simply was not funny. WTF?...

And that finally brings us to Sheppard. To be honest, despite his noble willingness to sacrifice himself as he did in Vegas, I cared more about Lorne laughing at Ronon's inept demise than John Sheppard ready to blow himself up for the greater good. If any character did stand out in Enemy at the Gate, it was Sheppard as Joe Flanigan was literally put into the driver's seat and given the reins to fly. Unfortunately, the startling pace of this episode didn't allow us to enjoy his performance as we did in Vegas, as we barely even got a minute of his usual suicide run tactics in the F-302 cockpit before he lost. The rest of his time was used to make Colonel Carter and Major Davis sound like idiots, then afterwards standing all alone with no Dr. Elizabeth Weir in sight to give him company on that balcony by San Francisco Star Fleet Academy. The best moments Joe Flanigan had were those he shared with Todd, as sadly he had more moments with his old nemesis than he did with Rodney McKay or the usual zero token seconds of Lt. Ford. If anything, I really did wish that the writers would have just somehow brought Torri Higginson back for the season finale. Sheppard has always been a tragic figure (as demonstrated yet again in Vegas). The only reason he lives on (besides his love for being the hero who gets the alien girl) is his friendship with Rodney McKay (which was barely seen here) and the connection he shared with Elizabeth Weir. The end of Atlantis felt like such a somber note for Sheppard, as he was willing to die for his planet yet he still had no-one really to live for. WTF?...

There were only two truly great redeeming moments in Enemy at the Gate. One was the mention of General George Hammond and the renaming of the Phoenix. The second was the balcony scene, which thankfully was true to the series, true to the characters, and true to the hopes of the fans. As much as I may hate the writers for everything else they screwed up in this episode, at least they nailed the ending. I don't know if it would have been more appropriate to land Atlantis in the actual Atlantic Ocean, but with Robert Picardo there smiling at the sights and sounds of San Francisco, somehow everything felt truly right. The fans may still despite the McKay and Keller romance, but the two just seemed so happy together that I thought they felt just right. I still don't get why the writers shoe-horned the gateroom girl of Amanda there by Ronon's side when their romance was never developed, but at least she was hot and at least she was a reason for Ronon to keep living on. Teyla was there as a friend to Sheppard, and yes, somehow it just felt right that she would be out there with him again after their moment they shared on the balcony back in Rising. If only McKay and Beckett had another classic tale of lemon chicken and wine, it would have been the perfect ending to one of the best Sci-Fi series I've ever gotten to enjoy...

I admit, I may not have enjoyed Enemy at the Gate, but I did love Stargate Atlantis. And I will miss it, as much as I do SG-1. Despite all my reservations, despite all my complaints, I thank the writers, the actors and all the fans for all they've contributed to the series...

... I thank them for Sheppard and McKay. I thank them for Beckett, Zelenka and Todd. I thank them for Jennifer Keller being so fucking hot...

And now with Stargate Universe on the horizon? I can only hope that it brings forth the best of both SG-1 and Atlantis worlds...

For the record, I really enjoyed Vegas for what it was worth. I thought it was a very new and interesting take on the Stargate universe, and I thought that the cinematography, the character direction and the soundtrack were all very nice changes of pace from the every day episode...

But what I cannot understand, what I will not accept, is that Vegas was the second last episode of Stargate Atlantis to ever air. Seriously, even if the writers and producers didn't know the fifth season would definitely be the last, why risk it? What were they thinking? WTF?...

Here we had an episode where Teyla and Ronon didn't even exist as far as we knew. This was an episode where Atlantis the city wasn't even seen, a world where none of the characters we know and love were even the same characters we are supposed to see every week. Why do an alternate reality episode that has almost zero bearing on the series on the whole, as the second last episode ever made? I liked Vegas for all the cool shots of the city and the desert and for all the brilliant art direction we experienced in the first half of the hour. But why not have done this episode a month or two ago instead of shit like Brain Storm and Identity? Why not save some time for an epic, series-ending arc just in case the fifth season was determined to be the last? Why leave Vegas as one of the last bitter tastes in our mouths? WTF?...

With all that said, I will admit once more that Vegas was an episode that I enjoyed for what it was worth. I loved the new CSI kind of direction that the camera, the music and the cuts all took, especially in the first half of the episode. Seeing a Wraith dress up like a human to the sound of Marilyn Manson was definitely interesting, and I loved all the cold shots of John Sheppard the detective thinking long and hard about the murder cases. Joe Flanigan should know best how to act in this new alternate world, considering he was a guest star on CSI: Miami. I thought he did a terrific job as the tragic hero in the end who had his whole world flipped upside down by realizing his life was never meant to be the way it was in the first place...

What I did have a problem with was the latter half of the episode. I really loved the "earth" feeling of the first half, with the Wraith playing poker thanks to his telepathy, with the lights and sounds of the Vegas casinos in the background. I even loved all the small little moments of acting, like Jennifer Keller looking sweet and delectable as she ever has in the series while doing the autopsy on the Wraith victim. But the second half felt too close to original SGA comfort for its own good, causing a kind of schizophrenic broca divide that I simply did not enjoy. Seeing their version of Wraith the Todd just didn't work in my opinion, considering he was almost identical to our own except for the lame poetry. Having McKay and Zelenka there in Woolsey suits was great, except that their bickering and their geekiness did not jive or mix with the rest of the CSI feeling of this episode. And as for Woolsey himself, his introduction was great as an FBI officer (or so he posed), but he later became a kind of comic relief that did not fit in with the tone and atmosphere of Vegas. Sure, it was appropriate how Robert Picardo got to mention the Star Trek convention line, but it just didn't work in the context of this episode. Vegas recovered a bit with the gunship finish and the Wraith blowing holes in Sheppard's car with SMGs, but the second act of the show just didn't live up to the rest...

The pluses though? Well, besides Jennifer Keller looking so fucking smoking hot as hell when passing and flirting with McKay in Area 51, I have to give all the credit in the world to John Sheppard for a job well done. Vegas was his story if he hadn't joined the SGA, and he truly was a tragic figure that I felt sorry for in the end. He was great at his job, but he knew something was wrong with his life and he had no real motivation to go on. In the end, he sacrificed himself to truly determine if he was the man that McKay kept telling him he was. And if only he had his patented G36 in his hands instead of a pistol, he probably could have taken care of the Wraith on earth once and for all. He died a hero, and along the way he discovered who he truly was. Besides all that, the actor really brought the episode into a league of its own with his CSI-like emotions and expressions and all the badass, shade-wearing cuts he pulled off to perfection. It may have made no sense why the Wraith at the poker table would run from a lowly human with a mere pistol, but the chase was acted and filmed remarkably well and Vegas truly did remind me why I thought Joe Flanigan was such a great actor in the first season of the show...

I really thought Vegas was a great idea for an episode... just not the second last one of the goddam series...

Sure, it may be unfair of me to judge an episode based on when it aired and when it was written...

It's been a long time since I last wrote about video games. Unfortunately, I do know why that is...

2008 looked to be one of the greatest years in gaming, or at least on paper it did. This was the year where the world would finally get Grand Theft Auto 4, Metal Gear Solid 4, Gears of War 2, and Super Smash Bros Brawl after so many years of waiting. This was the year where not only did four of the biggest sequels ever arrive on store shelves, but this was the season where the Nintendo Wii and the Nintendo DS smashed all sense of sales records in November and look to do the exact same thing in December. Recession be damned, the Nintendo Wii sold over two million consoles in the month of Thanksgiving, and may even reach the three million mark for the Christmas month alone as well. Meanwhile, despite the record high sales for Nintendo systems, the Xbox 360 sitting profitably in second place has still been improving its sales mark month by month, as if it wasn't even in competition with the goddam Wii...

2008 in terms of hardware and software sales was perhaps one of the biggest years in video gaming history. So why the fuck does it feel like I don't even care?...

I don't know why exactly, but there's been some sort of magic missing from almost every single game I have tried this year. Maybe I'm just getting too old for this shit, but aside from fanwank sales numbers, I've gotten absolutely no excitement from almost every Nintendo Wii game all year long. Sure, Mario Kart Wii is fun with four players and it probably does deserve the five million sales it made in one single year, but I still can't help but feel it was a disappointment after I loved the original Super Mario Kart and the more recent Mario Kart DS to finger blister death. When it comes to Super Smash Bros Brawl, I had fun with the Subspace Emissary for maybe an hour or two, but where was the sense of addiction I experienced when it came to its predecessor? Super Smash Bros Melee was such a great game that I put in literally over a hundred hours into that title, yet I feel I felt more emotional impact from Brawl's four million sales than I ever did from any of the matches I played with friends or online. And what else came out on the Wii that was of any interest? An old port of Okami? Another version of Animal Crossing, this time being almost a complete port of the DS version (graphically sadly intact)? What about Wii Music and Wii Fit, both games that deserve sales with the casual markets (Wii Fit is now approaching five million worldwide, I think), but are simply titles that I as an aging SNES gamer don't give a shit about? Where is the old skool Nintendo that I used to love?...

I don't have a PS3, so I can't really comment on its big name titles. But from all the games I've tried on the system this year, and from listening to many disappointed PS3 fans along the way, it just wasn't a good year for the system either. Grand Theft Auto 4 came out for it and the Xbox 360 to so many damn accolades, receiving 10/10 scores from everyone praising it as an Oscar-worthy story. Even one month later though, people now scoff at that concept, as most of the complaints I've heard has been that it was merely more of the same from Grand Theft Auto 3, and even felt lacking compared to the best selling title in the franchise, San Andreas. Meanwhile, Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots still has a few fans out there, but most of its early "game of the generation" zealots have calmed down and realized what most of us knew about the franchise long ago, that it consists of merely weird Japanese CG snippets and really nothing more. Both GTA4 and MGS4 soon died down in fanfare after each a single month of sales glory, and as for the rest of the PS3 line-up? Resistance 2 turned out to be a huge bomb, although diehard fans are still holding out for the next Killzone. And Little Big Planet was definitely a very risky piece of art that never really panned out. It was thought to be the Youtube of video games before its release, until people realized they're just not interested in playing platform games that even big name developers design these days, let alone small indie guys who generate giant wooden penises. The title probably would've done better with the Wii casual crowd more than anything else to be honest, but still probably not much better...

The Xbox 360 had a decent year, although much of it was attributed to multi-console games that were also on the PS3. I've already mentioned GTA4, which was a huge hit when it was first released but soon died out thanks to 80% of the game being repetitive and linear as fuck. Fallout 3 has gotten both a lot of praise and a lot of hate directed towards it, though I shouldn't comment until I finish the title myself. Meanwhile, Call of Duty: World at War was a huge hit for the Microsoft system, even compared to its release on the PS3. I personally did enjoy the game, but would I say it's a great first person shooter, or even comparable to Call of Duty 4: Modern Combat? Probably not, though it definitely did sell well on name brand alone. Mass Effect was probably my favourite Xbox 360 game, but even that title had too many flaws to mention, and it still paled in comparison to the glory days of Knights of the Old Republic on the original Microsoft system. Besides that, I guess the big ticket title for the Xbox 360 was Gears of War 2, which stands as one of my most disappointing games of the entire damn year. Was it embarrassingly bad? Eh, according to many online gamers, sure, but I wouldn't go that far myself. I didn't love the first game in the series, but at least the original showed heart and some solid fundamental gameplay polish. The second one threw it all out the window for some horrible run and gun mechanics that lead to me bunting my way through with the chainsaw the whole fucking game. I understand I wasn't playing on the hardest difficulty, but did they really have to make the series feel closer to shitty ass Halo 2 than anything else? WTF?...

Suffice to say (and sad to admit), 2008 may have been one of the biggest years in software sales, one of the biggest years in critic scores, and one of the biggest years in console and handheld sales of all time, but it was also one of the most boring years in gaming I have ever goddam experienced. Like I mentioned, maybe I'm just getting too old for this shit, but where were all the great RPGs besides Mass Effect? Where were all the amazing adventure games like Zelda or Uncharted? Where were the great action titles like Call of Duty 4 and maybe Halo 3 that were provided last year? Where was the fun this year aside from four steering players in Mario Kart Wii, which was a bloody hell game that came out in March and almost feels like it belongs with the better crop in 2007? Sadly, 2008 was the year that so many big ticket titles came out, yet I was reduced to spending my time playing old skool games on my N64, Xbox original and Nintendo fucking DS instead. WTF?...

That's why I haven't written about video games in a long time. My mom always told me, if you've got nothing nice to say...

Best Game of the Year - Mario Kart Wii (Nintendo Wii)
Runners-up: 1 - Mass Effect (Xbox 360), 2 - Chrono Trigger DS (Nintendo DS)

Mario Kart Wii was hands down my favourite multiplayer game of the year, if only because of motion controls. I have to admit, this is probably the best fucking Mario Kart title since the N64 where I have had so much fun at parties, and it's all thanks to being "handicapped" with the Wii waggle want in both of my hands. Now I do fully admit, Mario Kart Wii is perhaps the most disappointing title in the entire franchise when played single player or even in co-op (which is completely lacking in terms of a 'campaign', pissing me off to no end, might I add). And if you decide to ruin the fun for yourself by plugging in a Gamecube or Classic Controller and playing the old skool way, then Mario Kart Wii really shows its weakness in level design and item control as well. But as a party game, Mario Kart Wii trumps all as one of the absolute best in the business ever made. It only takes a few hours of bumbling about on Rainbow Road as everyone takes a soaring dive to realize that this title sold well over five million copies worldwide in a single fucking year for a reason. There's a reason why every Nintendo-branded steering wheel version of the game was sold out from March all the way through the last days of December. This game is a hit no matter who tries it, no matter what season of the year. As long as you don't view it as an old skool Mario Kart game, it really was the only real Nintendo "fun" I've had all year. I still wish for proper two player co-op, but whatever, at least online was done well by Nintendo for the first time ever for the most part...

For the Xbox 360, I can honestly say that there were only three games off the top of my head that I enjoyed. One was Call of Duty: World at War, if only for the inclusion of co-op, and if only because the flamethrower was surprisingly well done. The second was probably Army of Two, half because it was a co-op title, and half because I really did feel it had the best 'shooter' mechanics and controls out of any FPS or third person shooter this year, regardless of what all the negative reviews may say about the game. And lastly? The only Xbox 360 game that I could not put down (until I realized how damn boring all the planetary search sidequests were) was goddam Mass Effect from Bioware. Like I mentioned before, this game certainly has flaws, with some weak useless characters (I already forget their names, to be honest), a much less involved plotline than Bioware had before in Knights of the Old Republic, and some of the worst sidequest playtime-padding I have ever seen with the most empty of worlds I could possibly imagine. With that said though, even though the main mission may only take eight or so hours, I will admit that Mass Effect was probably the best Western RPG I've been since KOTOR as long as you don't waste your time finding artifacts on dusty ice planets. Sure, I've heard from fans of both series that perhaps The Witcher was a better overall experience this year, but how can I really hate on Mass Effect when it combined energy weapons surprisingly well with good old fashioned Bioware gameplay? This is one of the few games I played in 2008 that I'm eagerly awaiting a sequel, and that truly says it all as far as this year is concerned...

When it comes to handhelds, 2008 was a bit more barren than I would have liked, except for a few RPGs along the way. To be honest, I spent most of my DS games ignoring Dragon Quest IV and Etrian Odyssey 2 for Apollo Justice and Puzzle Quest of all games. Then came along Chrono Trigger, the old skool SNES title that has been heralded as the best game ever made, yet I've never given it a proper try. It may not have been a fair test to give it a whirl now, considering how its gameplay mechanics have been emulated by so many titles since, but even I have to admit that I gladly put twenty or more hours into Chrono Trigger even ten or fifteen years after its original release. The battle system was revolutionary for its time and still ranks up there with the Grandia Series, Baten Kaitos Origins and Super Mario RPG (yes, I went there) as the best ever made in an RPG. The plotline was cookie cutter on the whole, but each of the characters (minus Marle, who sucks ass) had their own little quirks that really made them stand out and shine, especially considering they were all (except Marle) useful on the battlefield as well. Not only that, but I must admit that I truly did prefer the DS style controls over the old classic ones from the SNES days. Overall, I felt it was a respectful port to what many consider to be the best game ever made. It certainly doesn't rank up there with the best of all time for me, but it definitely has shown up on the charts here as far as I'm concerned for 2008, and that's good enough for now...

That's a testament to how shitty ass boring the games have been this year, and how truly great the titles were back in the SNES days. I never had played Chrono Trigger before, but now I'm actually contemplating a second playthrough. And to me, that definitely does say something...

Most Surprisingly Good Game - Army of Two (Xbox 360)
Runners-up: 1 - Mario Kart Wii (Nintendo Wii), 2 - Call of Duty: World at War (Xbox 360)

A lot of people are surprised when I tell them I absolutely loved Army of Two. Hell, I'm surprised still when I utter that statement, and why shouldn't I be? Army of Two was supposedly a quick cash in by Electronic Arts of all companies, a short rip-off of pretty much any third person shooter out there based on the Unreal 3 engine. But there were these little tweaks that EA did that somehow turned Army of Two into one of my most enjoyable games of this generation of gaming, sort of like how Freedom Fighters shocked me out of nowhere with its quality a generation ago. The co-op in Army of Two is probably the best this entire generation of gaming, I shit you not. Halo 3 was decent, Gears of War 1 was alright, but there's nothing like covering your friend with a volley of pistol shots as he drags you to safety behind cover here in Army of Two. And there was simply something sublime that clicked with me when it comes to the controls, I can literally snipe better with the pistol and automatics in this game than any other shooter in this entire generation of gaming. It's something that I simply cannot describe, and it seems like I'm the only one on this goddam planet who feels this way, if reviews and critics are to be believed. But just like a true believer in the original Halo can't explain what feels so good about a pistol and plasma grenade back in the old days, I can't really put down on paper what I enjoy so much about ducking under cover and popping out for a few sniper rounds in Army of Two. To me, it's the quintessential co-op game of this goddam generation, and it was truly one of the only bright spots for me in the year of 2008. Seriously, I was shocked as anyone else after falling in love with this game. WTF?...

Mario Kart Wii is the biggest enigma of the year for me. On the one hand, I despise it for throwing away so many great Mario Kart-isms of the past, especially the co-op campaign mode above all else. On the other hand, I've already glowed about how truly enjoyable it is with any amount of family members or friends at parties, when each of them has a Wii motion controller in hand. I was shocked at how much I hated Mario Kart Wii with a Gamecube controller compared to any other title in the franchise before, and then I was shocked again at how damn fun it was when I didn't give a shit about how cheap blue-shells were with eleven other go-karts all buzzing around me as I frantically tried to stay on course with the Wii motion controller. Like I keep mentioning, 2008 was truly the year of massive software sales, as Wii Music sold a million copies despite horrible reviews, Wii Fit has pushed over four million copies worldwide, Super Smash Bros Brawl has peaked over the four million mark as well thanks to name recognition and hype, and Mario Kart Wii has stunned the audiences with a massive come-back from behind, selling five fucking million copies to be second only to Wii Play on the 2008 charts. If the quality of the game at a goddam party isn't a shock enough, then I'd say the everlasting sales definitely are. WTF?...

Besides Army of Two on the Xbox 360, there was really only one co-op game that I enjoyed this year. Unfortunately for Epic, it was not Gears of War 2, as that literally felt like a Halo 2 chore to finish. Now, I never picked up any previous Call of Duty game aside from the original on the PC, but I didn't hesitate to buy World at War despite mixed reviews, if only because finally the franchise had adopted single-system co-op. I was upset at first at the implementation of small 4:3 mini-screens on my television when playing with a friend, but we eventually adapted (by sadly zooming in on my Sharp Aquos, cutting off the edges...) and we had a surprisingly great time with this game. Most of the automatics have a good feel, from the MP40 to the PPSH, and there was definitely a decent epic feeling to it whether you were an American fighting it out on the islands or a Russian surviving in the motherland. I admit, I'm relatively new to the scriptive nature of the Call of Duty series, so maybe I was simply easily impressed. But for a game with such negative reviews from Infinity Ward fans, I truly did think Treyarch did an excellent job with the overall feel of World at War, especially when it came to the flamethrower. Aside from pistol sniping in Army of Two, there was no better feeling in any shooter game this year than burning the hell out of enemy hordes in grass fields with the goddam flamethrower pack. Critics may claim World at War was simply a WW2 patch for Modern Combat, but it was a damn fine one worth the money alone for co-op, in my honest opinion at least...

If anything, with almost all reviews this year panning Army of Two, Mario Kart Wii and Call of Duty: World at War, while all praising GTA4, MGS4, Gears of War 2 and Super Smash Bros Brawl as some of the best games ever made? I guess the biggest shock for me of 2008, was the fact that the critics got it so fucking bloody hell wrong...

Most Disappointing Game - Super Smash Bros Brawl (Nintendo Wii)
Runners-up: 1 - Gears of War 2 (Xbox 360), 2 - Mario Kart Wii (Nintendo Wii)

Oh, Super Smash Bros Brawl, how did you get the formula wrong so fucking badly? On paper, it sounded like the ultimate fanboy experience, now with co-op added through the Subspace Emissary campaign. But not only was that a boring chore to push through (thanks in part to the Great Maze), but the actual core gameplay itself was disappointing beyond all measure. Melee may have been too fast with too many 'exploits' (like wave-dashing, if the creators of the series are to be believed), but there was just something so much more engaging and fun when beating up three other friends back then than the slow, meticulous boredom you somehow derive from Brawl instead. Brawl feels so much more like a fighter game than a party game, which in some circles is considered a good thing (the tournament scene is still going strong). And if there is one good thing Brawl got right, it's the balance in most of the characters, as the consensus for a long time has been that only Solid Snake was a true tier above the rest (besides the slow guys like Ganondorf, who just plain suck). There was a lot of care and thought put into Brawl, but what's so damn disappointing is that none of it really paid off. The events somehow don't feel as imaginative as they did in Melee, and I could play the adventure mode in the latter so many fucking times without getting bored while in Brawl, getting trophies seems like so much more of a pointless and longer chore. Am I simply tired of the Smash Bros formula? Maybe, but what's most important to me is the party nature of the game, and Brawl just does not deliver in that sense. It really is a game that requires a Gamecube controller to play, so completely opposite of Mario Kart Wii, it just feels wrong to put in Brawl at a party these days when motion controls on the Wii are the universal rage...

If there is any other game that gives Super Smash Bros Brawl a run for its money as most disappointing game of the year (and I can't even count GTA4, MGS4, Prince of Persia or any of the other twenty or so completely disappointing titles from 2008, simply because I haven't given them enough of a chance yet), then it's Gears of fucking War 2. Just like Halo 2 wowed me at first, only to show its true colours after my first run-through, Gears of War 2 feels like more of a rush at the start (with so much 'epic' shit happening around you), only to prove later on in the stages that the gameplay is no longer nearly as polished as it was before. There's just something pointless about this game once I realized I could literally go around bunting everyone with the pistol or sawing them in half with the automatic, and this could all be done by just tapping the damn B button. The game got so boring once I realized most of it was just beating on jumping beans in laser-infested labs or cutting open defenseless arteries in Flood-type stages. Its only saving grace was co-op mode, but even that didn't feel nearly as strong as in the original where I actually found it fun to duck behind cover and then unload an entire 660 bullet round into a goddam Boomer. Here in the sequel, not only do most enemies go down too quickly without a fight, but some are so fucking annoying like that one that jumps from side to side for no apparent reason whatsoever. Fucking hell, they even replaced the normal automatic from the first game with a horribly inaccurate single-shot rifle here. And only one single stage where you get to use the Hammer of Dawn? What the fuck were the guys at Epic thinking? WTF?...

And now, for the only title ever that has been featured on all three of my Best Game of the Year, Most Surprising Game of the Year, and now Most Disappointing Game of the Year awards. Mario Kart Wii is truly the renaissance man in that regard, as it's truly the only game that I both loved and hated with a passion. How the fuck could the people at Nintendo have been so blind as to prevent co-op from unlocking the goddam stages and crap? How could they remove the tight cornering gameplay from the Nintendo DS version and replace it with such a dumbed down version here on the Wii (though if they were trying to prevent snaking, I guess I see their point)? It was disappointing in comparison to the classics in the franchise, and it was one of the most boring games I've played all year in terms of single and two-player versus. But then somehow a light just clicks on when you take out the Gamecube controller and give it a go with three other friends. I hate Mario Kart Wii for destroying everything I loved and held dear with the Mario Kart games of old, but how can I really fault it when I truly do understand when playing with three other friends exactly why it has sold five fucking million copies in a single damn year?...

That's the true story with 2008. The market was just so damn divided between casual and hardcore, and unfortunately both sides did not deliver the goods as far as I was goddam considered. Grand Theft Auto 4, Metal Gear Solid 4, Gears of War 2, Resistance 2 and Super Smash Bros Brawl will forever be remembered as huge massive titles that were hyped beyond belief but simply faded into obscurity one month later down the road. Games like Little Big Planet, the new Prince of Persia, and arguably even Fallout 3 (which still has mixed reviews to this day) will forever stand as decent and innovative titles that simply could not live up to their true potential. Meanwhile, the real sellers for 2008 were titles like Mario Kart Wii and Wii Fit, both games that I can enjoy thoroughly when friends and family over, but simply are nothing but DVD coasters when I'm home alone or with a single other guest. Aside from Mass Effect and some DS games, there was not a single player title all year long that I fucking goddam enjoyed. And aside from Army of Two and Call of Duty: World at War, the only fucking two player title that I even wanted to play was the original damn Halo on the original damn Xbox...

I haven't written about video games for almost the entire year, not since my last IvanFian Video Game Award ceremony, I think. And truth be told, maybe I am just getting too old for this shit. Maybe I am just feeling my age when it comes to gaming and writing. I've barely updated this noname site of mine for movies and television in 2008 either, so maybe it's just me?...

The fact of the matter does remain though, that I still enjoy games from time to time and I still want something fun to play. Most of my holidays were spent with a fifteen year old title of Chrono Trigger and the original Xbox plugged in with Halo for some actual goddam gameplay that just feels right. And if that doesn't say something about 2008 and this current generation of gaming, I don't know what will...

... considering I am the noname writer who founded this website for goddam gaming...

Only two more episodes of Stargate Atlantis left, and here we have yet another wasted opportunity...

Don't get me wrong, Identity had a lot of decent moments, most notably between Zelenka and McKay at the end when it came to the good ol' Czechoslovakian insults from the old days. There was something good about this episode when it came to the team aspect of it all, even if Teyla was once again neutered down to Lt. Ford status in the background. Sheppard got to play the hero and point his P90, McKay got in all those 'shipper moments with the Jennifer Keller that wasn't quite Jennifer, and Ronon at least got to prove his instincts right in being the first person to truly notice that it wasn't quite Keller in that cute body of hers. Hell, normally I wouldn't be able to complain about any episode either where Woolsey got to show compassion in command and Dr. Carson Beckett got to return to be the true doctor around those parts...

But for the third last episode of Stargate Atlantis to be used up by Neeva whats-her-name, a throwaway alien hottie who strangely enough has the exact same trendy hairstyle as so many teens love in North America these days? Now don't get me wrong, I certainly didn't mind the eye candy when she was dressing herself back up from the doctor's office, and the actress certainly annoyed me less than any other hottie leading guest star has for quite some time. But seriously, I was hoping for so much more than a retread of an old SG-1 episode plotline when it came to the third last episode of Stargate Atlantis. And wow, the guys over at the SGC must really be kicking themselves in the ass now for not simply shooting the Ancient communication device with a gun before letting the Ori loose throughout the Milky Way Galaxy...

I was afraid of Identity from the trailers mainly because I thought we would get another Jennifer Keller episode shoved down our throats, but in all honesty, I liked Jewel Staite here much more than I did in Brain Storm or any other recent episode in memory. It also helped that half of her time was spent as a mirage in mirrors and computer monitors, silent and cute as a button as she can be. But aside from being squeezed into a tight alien hottie outfit that she oddly could've worn with room to spare two years ago, I thought Jewel did a decent job here as the damsel in distress who had to think fast on her feet. Her chemistry with McKay wasn't bad either, even if Neeva suggests that she can do so much better. I thought the two of them made a cute couple at the end when talking about a night under the Atlantis stars, although I still would've preferred Neeva and Keller themselves simply spending time alone in their bunk...

Identity was a better episode than I anticipated, mainly because the entire cast and crew got something significant to do. It really did feel like a team episode at times when they were all huddled around Neeva in the observation room, demanding to know where the real Dr. Keller was. And the mystery in this episode about how the body switch came to be, right until SG-1 regurgitated its way back into Atlantis through Ancient plot devices, was well played out with poor Zelenka getting the worst of it all when push came to plier shove. There were definitely redeemable qualities to Identity that would have made it an average or better episode in my eyes, if only it wasn't for the time that it aired...

Stargate Atlantis has been wasting the second half of its seasons for so long now, dating back all the way to the second year of the show. Just last year, the first half of the season felt so epic with the war between the Wraith and Replicators, only for everything to spiral downhill as soon as Be All My Sins Remember'd aired. The same has been happening with season five and normally I would be mostly alright with that, except this is the final damn season of Stargate Atlantis (and depending on how Universe does, potentially one of the last years of Stargate we'll ever get to watch). Why couldn't the writers just have scrapped their plans for Brain Storm, Infection and Identity and simply came up with a truly epic arc to finish off the series the way it was meant to be from the very start? Did they really care about Neeva the hottie that damn much?...

Wow, the writers are so clever. From space vampires, now they've gone to space zombies? Whoa, so original. I'm so impressed...

With that said, I guess Infection wasn't a bad episode after we got the man-chewing Wraith out of the way. Once the episode lost the B-type horror kind of feel it was going for in the first half, it became a well knit story about the total team trying to survive at any cost. I liked that, and it helped that Todd was there to improve the mood as well. Sure, it was odd how he seemed so demanding of the SGA team when he was the one who tried to kill them all on the Daedalus, and he's the one who not only stole Keller's gene therapy but also earth's encryption codes and who knows what else. But I guess when he's faced with disease and a slow agonizing death for the first time in ten thousand years or so, I'd be a bit cranky coming out of that pod too. The face off he had with Sheppard, where we raised his hand only to realize it was no longer a threat, was one of the most well acted scenes in the season so far. The tension there was great, and the mutual hate yet respect between the both of them has provided one of the best characterizations for the series ever since it first started in Common Ground...

I mentioned that Infection was a team episode, but it definitely didn't feel that way in the first half. Teyla got to spout out some generic lines of not sensing any Wraith, Ronon got to talk his usual bluff of killing everyone onboard, and Rodney simply sat there looking at screens and giving Keller backrubs of all things. Things changed for the better part in the second half though, where Keller finally seemed somewhat useful in showing compassion and understanding with Todd and Rodney got to give his patented "oh shit" look when the Hive was splitting in two, all while Ronon and Teyla got to kick ass and take names while ripping apart zombie Wraith with their weapons. How can I really complain about that surefire combination? Sure, the CG effects for the Wraith Hive Ship crashing into the ocean were sub-par and definitely looked like the production crew were trying to save money for the finale, but the whole event itself was enjoyable to watch and you could definitely feel the team spirit in the sense that every member was concerned for one another. I do have my complaints, like Teyla not getting any screen time in with Todd (even after The Queen), but I really did enjoy the latter half of Infection for the most part...

Plot-wise, it makes sense that something would go wrong with the gene therapy on first try, although Todd should have been smarter than to give it to all his crew at first glance. And I appreciated the talks on the other side of the bubble, how Ronon and Woolsey to some extent were thinking of using Keller's treatment as a bioweapon against the Wraith. In fact, unlike Beckett's retrovirus, it seems that Keller has found an effective method of slowly but surely eliminating Wraith Hive Ships, as they seem vulnerable to the cancers indirectly caused by her cure. This is all interesting stuff to add to the Wraith mythos on the series, if only Atlantis wasn't ending this year. I guess the question now is, what becomes of Todd? A few episodes ago, he was questioning whether he would even be a Wraith anymore once his ability to feed on humans was gone. Now what will happen to him? Will the Queen Iratus Bug cure him of the gene therapy along with the cancer, or will he remain different and ousted amongst the rest of the Wraith like Michael was? The difference is, Todd is progressive thinking and he definitely keeps his word in regards to thanking Sheppard for all his respect and help. Todd chose to be different, he chose to evolve, and if only there was another season of Atlantis, I'd love to see how that pans out for the future of the Wraith...

Once again, there were definitely flaws in the formula of Infection. I could've done without the obvious red shirt who didn't even get to fire off a round before he was eaten alive. I could have done without the Aliens-esque search sequence when it came to the zombie Wraith showing on the Ancient Life Sense Detector. And I wish Teyla, Ronon and Rodney all got better parts to play, when really it was only Sheppard and Keller who got any significant speech time in with Todd. But dammit, how can I fault an episode in the end where zombie Wraith are shot left, right and center, and an entire Wraith Hive Ship was split in half?...

Infection wasn't a great episode, but it was far from a blight or cancer on the series. It didn't help the series-ending sort of arc I was hoping for, but it definitely did bring together the team the way that they should be when all is said and done...

Only three episodes of Atlantis left to go. What you leave behind, and all good things...

I think it's safe to say that whoever wrote the plot to Brain Storm probably had his own version of a brain fart, though not for the exact reasons that anti-shippers would most readily attest to...

The reality is that maybe I wouldn't have minded this episode if I never heard of the politics behind it, but it just disappoints me how Atlantis was forced to have an episode dealing with Global Warming simply because the people at SciFi told them to. It's not like I disagree with promoting the fight against global warming, I just don't like how this agenda was shoved down our throats when all I want every single week is some good gun-slinging alien action. This is the same kind of bullshit that makes me cringe every time I try to watch a Battlestar Galatica episode that obviously showed off that the American Cylons had no 'plan' in Iraq. I like to keep my news in the newspapers and my entertainment in the television, thank you very much...

With that said, Brain Storm wasn't a horrible episode, it definitely had a few redeeming qualities. It was nice to see Bill Nye again along with whats-his-name (the other guy with a TV show). And Rodney McKay once again stole the show and the thunder, first with his smarts and then with his axe-totting manly ways. But to be honest, I really don't remember much from Brain Storm already, that's how little thought and brain-storming went into the episode in the first place. If anything, all I do recall is being annoyed at Jennifer Keller for always being the moral high ground person. I know she must've encountered her fair share of snarky bickering at medical school and modern research labs, yet she always is written as the perfect little innocent girl, shocked and disgusted how scientists can't work together to save their lives. While that may be a decent commentary on the way the real world works in regards to failed solutions for the planet, in which case both money and ego get in the way, I couldn't help but roll my eyes every time that Jennifer Keller rolled her own at the others. I'm sorry, but I like characters with flaws like McKay, so a flawless girl like Keller just seems so damn lost and misguided on the series...

Then of course, we got to their star-studded romance. I'm no anti-shipper between the both of them, I even think they make a reasonably cute couple. But it is kind of annoying how we had a whole episode dedicated to it, just like I couldn't stand Trio or whatever that episode was named last season (with Carter as the third wheel). I do think McKay and Jennifer have a bit of chemistry, and the kiss between them was reasonably sweet. But Stargate has never done full episodes based on romance well whatsoever in its entire history of two or more galaxies. I don't mind this kind of stuff in the background, like the Daniel and Vala romance was in the last two seasons of SG-1, but for it to take the forefront in an already boring episode about storm fronts and quantum heat sinks? I don't know, I just felt that this was yet another brain fart on the writers' behalf...

To me, this was the Family Ties of Atlantis, in comparison to how poorly SG-1 went off the air thanks to a lot of bad filler episodes along the end stretch of the way. I would have less animosity towards Brain Storm if only this wasn't the last season of Atlantis, if only the rest of the team were somewhat involved, and if only a political agenda wasn't shoved our way. But what's done is done, and at least McKay finally got to join the mile high club (unless having sex in an Ancient spaceship with Katie Brown counts)...

I would have a lot less complaints if only Keller looked cute as hell. Yet somehow, they even botched that up, and made the skinniest girl ever from Serenity into someone who, err, how can I say this nicely? Looked right for McKay in the end afterall. I mean seriously, WTF?...