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... being too fucking lazy ass to do anything with this noname website anymore...

It all started late last year. I started getting disinterested and disenchanted with movies, since for such a long time, nothing good really came out of the big silver screen. Television was great, sure, probably the best it's ever been when you think objectively outside of scheduling boundaries. But movies? Really, besides The Incredibles and Batman Begins, I can't even remember any films I enjoyed for the span of two or more fucking years. Both the original Pirates of the Caribbean and National Treasure can count as well, but really, that's still a completely paltry list there for my entire recent fucking movie-going history...

Alas, by the time good films did start rolling about, namely The Departed and Casino Royale last year, I was too bored with movies in general and too fucking lazy ass in total, to update this website and bother to review those two amazing films. And now even still, all the way to July, I'm still too tired from work each and every fucking day of the week to bother writing about all the good movies that came out this year so far. Namely, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Hot Fuzz, which I've both seen this past winter season. And maybe even Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, which I thought was decent enough as well when I saw it with a colleague of mine. Die Hard 4 was probably my most enjoyed film since Casino Royale, if only for how badass John McClane was in comparison to shitty ass 24: Season 6. And I'm sure both Ratatouille and Transformers will be worth the price of admission whenever I get around to checking out those two summer flicks as well...

But alas, even though 2007 has so far been a damn good year overall for movies, with a few more gems like Bourne Ultimatum and Rush Hour 3 still coming our way (not to mention National Treasure 2 coming in December), I've just been too fucking tired from goddam work to update this website of mine with any sort of crap like that. It's been a slow summer for me, namely because SG-1 was cancelled and Sci-Fi has been too fucking dumbass to air either Stargate Atlantis or Battlestar Galactica before the fall season like they normally did in the past. And because of that, I've had absolutely nothing to push myself into writing on this goddam noname website of mine...

Well, maybe one of these days, I'll finally get off my ass and back onto it in this chair again to write all those reviews that I've backlogged for so fucking long. 2007 really has been a great year for films so far, with more memorable ones already this season than maybe the past two years combined...

But as of today, after not a single goddam Y2kk update in all of June? I've just been too damn exhausted and too damn demoralized from goddam work to ever write about anything but complain how I never goddam write anymore...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Phantom small Smallville Season Finale Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Oh wait, sorry. That was the shitty ass Ben Affleck movie they were talking about. Nevermind...

Because sadly? Phantom from Smallville was nothing but a complete waste and goddam bomb of a season finale...

"Lana Lang was killed off the series? Yeah fucking right. Why didn't the white mail truck just paint a 'She's in Here' sign on its fucking arse? WTF?"...

For almost an entire fucking season now, I've been so eagerly and breathlessly anticipating the demise of the most angsty and bitchy character to ever disgrace the small screen. I admit though, that Lana Lang had been improving as a character ever since she changed her last name to Luthor, but it just wasn't enough to redeem six fucking seasons of goddam fucking Clana bullshit. Kristen Kreuk single-handily turned the mythos of Superman into a goddam emo-estrogenized version of goddam Edgemont, and that's really saying something. No matter whether the character was finally starting to slap her way in stride, the bitch just had to go...

But what the fuck did we get here? We got more fucking angst between her and Clark, even after he admitted his goddam secret of being an alien from another fucking planet (as if I'd ever believe that, even as a dumbshit cheerleader). And then what? Nothing else but a goddam faked explosion to frame her husband and start some shitty ass jail-bait sitcom for next season, where I assume Lex Luthor will do anything he can to never let slip the towel and soap. Could it be anymore obvious that she set up her own fake death when the fucking blindingly white mail truck swept right in front of her the very last moment that we could see her? I'd like to think that it was all a red (or white?) herring and that the creators really are gonna keep her character in limbo for the seventh season of the show. But sadly, Kristen Kreuk equals big ratings from goddam teeny boppers and their goddam emo boyfriends, so what the fuck else can I expect but the frightful return of the goddam bitch?...

The writers all claimed that one of the series regulars was being killed off the show, and I doubt they meant Martha Kent becoming a recurring character from Washington or Lionel Luthor staying as nothing more than the ambiguously evil shadow in the background. Maybe nobody really was meant to die in the finale, and it was all really a writers' ruse to actually think that some actor's fate really was in peril. But if there is anyone that potentially has been written off of the show, in naturally the dumbest goddam fashion possible? It's sadly fucking Chloe Sullivan, that's fucking what...

What the fuck are the writers thinking? I know she's been one of the most underutilized characters of the entire season, almost bordering into Pete Ross territory at times, but that's never been the actress' fault. So instead of giving her a decent script to work with, what do the writers do but give Chloe absolutely the dumbest fucking freakish power ever? I mean, just the other day somebody at work sent me a link to the Darwin Awards on the net, featuring tales of the dumbest of shit people who remove themselves from the human gene pool with the most illogical of deaths. And if anything, Chloe deserves to be right there with the rest of those Darwin Oscars, as what the fuck kind of power actually kills you randomly as you shed a fucking tear? Was her brain somehow absorbed by Lois Lane or some shit like that? Even so, what the fuck kind of shitty ass power was that for Ms. Fucking Miracle Computer Hacker? WTF?...

It's not like she did anything the rest of the episode, and neither did Lois Lane. Did we get any real cleavage from either of them? Hell fucking no. So then what was their purpose here in Phantom? Lois did nothing but rave and crave over the demise of Wes, and then got herself stabbed in the most pointless of attack sequences. And then what does she do instead of calling the police or 911, but rather calls Chloe who apparently doesn't call the police or 911 either? WTF? I thought Chloe was the only one deserving of a goddam Darwin Award, but apparently the same kind of suicidal survival skills are spread across the entire family fucking gene pool. WTF?...

At least in this episode we got the return of the Martian Manhunter, although his appearance was so damn worthless in the sense that he at first tried to use his telepathic powers, only to become dumbass enough not to phase himself out before getting super-punched into the goddam stratosphere. He did confirm at least that not only was Jor-El a good guy, but that the ambiguously evil Lionel Luthor really wasn't that damn evil afterall. But wait, if Lionel was really such a good guy, why the fuck did he make life completely miserable for Lana fucking Lang (unless he was a watcher of the show, like us)? He claimed he needed a person on the inside, yet Lana brought him absolutely nothing of value except some stupid ass Funniest Home Video of a phantom that apparently him and Martian Manhunter knew all about in the fucking first place. WTF?...

Okay, so at least Lionel Luthor temporarily tried to play the part of the hero by bringing kryptonite to subdue Clark Kent or some shit like that. Of course, it wasn't his fault that he didn't remember that this "mirror" version of Superman actually feeds off of the goddam green shit...

Oh my fucking God, is there any symbol in the Kryptonian language for goddam eyes rolling to the back of the fucking head? Talk about goddam cliche...

If there were any good moments in Phantom, they came in the final ten minutes (which by my count, was cutting it way too close and short for comfort). I expected action and suspense for a season finale, as even the past two years of Smallville have been pretty damn decent at that. Whether we are talking about the mystique and the majesty of the Fortress of Solitude or the threat of Milton Fine and Zod turning the world into Geico Cavemen, at least there was some sort of real feeling of Superman in those two episodes. And up until the final five or so minutes of Phantom, I felt nothing nearly as powerful as Clark looking like an emo-dumbass while trapped in the Phantom Zone. But at least for five fucking minutes of the show, the writers finally did somewhat redeem themselves...

The last Darwin Award of the night goes to Lex Luthor, for being so damn dumbass that he actually believed he could take blood samples from a fucking intangible phantom of all fucking alien thingies. I would've actually preferred if he could, to be honest, as I enjoyed the threat of more Lex Luthor super soldiers than pretty much any other freak of the week bullshit we ever got in the past. But alas, he went crying and kicking and screaming into the night when a little possessed soccer kid kicked his ass and took his scientist's name (or fingerprint). He should really take notes, that he should never be in the same fucking room as a psycho alien zombie that can possess your body and rip your apart like a fucking goddam face hugger. So seriously, WTF was he doing, taking that thing to the dam in person, only to lead the police straight to his evil fucking hideout in the process? WTF?...

And Clark? Well, he never needs any introduction to the Darwin Awards, considering he constantly keeps earning top fucking marks in that regard every single fucking year. This time around, he was warned by both Lionel Luthor and the Martian Manhunter that this phantom was special, that it was the only one truly capable of kicking Clark's ass for good. Basically, he was told it was the Kryptonian equivalent of Lex's own super soldiers (wait... wouldn't that be Doomsday then?...), yet our fearless hero was still dumbass enough just to stand there like a fucking deer in the headlights as he got a piece of his steel soul ripped from his body. What a brilliant motherfucking hero. WTF?...

Well, at least the fight that ensued between Clark and his Bizarro counterpart was decent. Short and swift, but effective nonetheless. The damn dam shit however, reminded me too much of X-men 2 for comfort, but whatever. At least for five fucking minutes, we got what we wanted, an actual real fight between two beings of Kryptonian power. I kind of preferred the dance-like-elegance of his little bout with Zod at the start of the season though, or the WWE choreography of his fight against Citizen Kane more than the hyper-Return-of-the-Sith shit we got here instead. But whatever, flashy lights and big boom explosions always seem to dress to impress when I'm the one reviewing, so at least I can say Phantom wasn't a complete fucking waste of my time...

The only question is, where do we go from here? Was there any fucking point to bringing Bizarro Superman into the fucking Smallville universe? Why not Doomsday then, if they really wanted a credible threat that almost every Superman follower knows? The Bizarro villains are best known from that fucking Seinfeld sitcom more than anything else, so why the fuck bring in some blue faced motherfucker as the cliffhanger of the season? Was there even any real build-up to this shit throughout the season at all? What the fuck were the writers thinking? WTF?...

... it's the fucking writers, directors and producers of this goddam show, that's fucking who...

Do they want to commit series suicide and put themselves out of a fucking job?... WTF?...

... well, considering most of them would just migrate to the better show of Heroes anyhew, why fucking not then?...

The sixth season of Smallville was not just a fucking piece of goddam shit, but absolutely one of the worst turds of seasons that the show has ever produced...

... and as bizarre as that is to say?... well, that's saying a hell of a fucking lot...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Prototype small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Fuck, I had such high hopes for this episode. I expected it to be the greatest episode yet when it came to Lex's descent into darkness, and yet it turned out to be nothing more than a culmination of goddam Freak of the Week episodes of horrible days gone by...

... well, of their powers at least, all in one fucking wuss of an excuse of a man...

"We got Helo as a goddam Cylon and a frakking Resurrection Ship to boot. The only things lacking were goddam Apollo along with Ares, and where the fuck was Grace fucking Park? I say again, where the frak was Grace fucking Park? WTF?"...

It was a cool concept, to have Lex use Titan's alien DNA (they punctured his skin, how?) to create an army of goddam universal soldiers. And to be honest, it's not like Ares in theory was such a weaksauce of an opponent for Clark, having the abilities of super strength, super speed, force field generation, and cloaking invisibility. The problem was, the final battle between the two of them was about as goddam impotent and pathetic as Helo is every single fucking time we see him on the BSG screen. Just one fucking hit from Clark, just one fucking hit from the wuss known as Clark fucking Kent, and then Ares the prototype goes down for the count? WTF is this shit, the second season of Battlestar Galactica? WTF?...

On the bright side, at least we really did get to see the dark side of the force in Lex Luthor. Not only did I love that little smirk he gave when Ares took out his entire security force (then again, if past episodes were any real indication, then Lana fucking Lang with a nail clipper could've taken out all his security guards), not only did I enjoy how ruthless he was in dealing with the evil US Senator from Stargate Atlantis, but the way he manipulates and lies to his wife are probably the most sinister thing he has going for him as a villainous character. There was absolutely no sign of moral good in his stares and glares and body language whatsoever. And while obviously I blame the writers for not developing his transition into darkness nearly as well as they could've, I still have to give huge props to Michael Rosenbaum for selling the complete lack of a soul in his character with all his heart and might...

I just wish that we got the same damn care in their characters from every other cast member on the show. Normally at least, I would give two thumbs up to more Chloe cleavage for instance, but she was absolutely useless in this episode yet again except for spewing out some Utah tales from Smallville Legends. I mean, sure she's a great actress most of the time, and she can fucking read out of a phone book for all I care as long as she keeps on showing us the goods. But seriously, she's been so damn underutilized this season that it's simply no longer even goddam funny...

John Glover was back in a rare appearance by Lionel Luthor, but once again, I'm just getting annoyed at how ambiguously evil he always turns out to be. There's just no middle ground with him, as either he's the man who's really trying to save Clark from the "mirror" enemy coming up in the season finale, or he's really that damn evil as the ominous music keeps making him sound. And at least we got a token appearance from Ma Kent once again, but I wish it wasn't in such a way that made the US Senatorial system look like a complete and utter joke. So a state senator suddenly gets to go to Washington, even though she has no fucking real experience on the job whatsoever? WTF?...

Lois Lane continued on her one-woman rampage against Lex Luthor and all his evil minions, but once again proved to be nothing more than a convenient plot point, not to mention the damsel yet again in distress. If it wasn't for her goddam former romance with Wes, a guy who apparently was married to the C4 non-freak of the week a few episodes back, then Project Ares would've been a goddam success and then maybe we could've gotten some real bouts between him and Clark. So when it comes to the disappointing goddam, super-speed knife attack at the end (where Helo was so damn stupid that he even decloaked before lunging to his death), I blame Lois fucking Lane for being the goddam Grace fucking Park of the series. Basically, being hot for the camera while making Helo a goddam fucking pussy at the same fucking time...

Lana Lang had her moments this episode at least, and for once she proved to be somewhat useful to the cause, now that she knows Clark's secret and all. She fed him a bit of information, but goddammit, she just couldn't do it without showing more goddam teen angst, now could she? What the fuck was with those goddam Romeo and Juliet looks between the both of them? Smallville is anything but Shakespeare, yet I sadly got the impression from all her goddam hiding from her husband, that the writers were somehow trying to imitate the romance of the goddam Bard. Either that, or Kristen Kreuk still believes there's some sort of decent actress buried deep down in her soul and she's trying desperately to bring it out before she loses her job and all remaining credibility. Good luck with that I guess, you stupid fucking, Edgemont bitch...

Because hell's bells, I didn't want this episode to be more about Clark Kent whining over Lana fucking Lang fine-dining with Lex fucking Luthor. I wanted it to be about Superman versus the first of Lex's goddam super soldiers, and at first it seemed like it was a fair fight. With Titan's strength and Clark's own superspeed, I was hoping for at least some sort of even bout between the both of them, with Kal-El at least having to use his brains and X-ray vision to find the cloaked motherfucker. But nope, apparently only Milton Fine ever proved a challenge for the emo boy wonder, because just one fucking shot from his heat vision was enough to completely burn apart the bullet-proof force field that apparently took a mini-nuke before to penetrate? WTF was this kind of cheapass, budget bullshit? WTF?...

Bah, the inner geek in me just can't help but be disappointed at the fact that Smallville didn't bother to use any real special effects except to show off more Helo fucking clones in the Resurrection Ship near the end. But at least we got more evil smirks from Lex fucking Luthor. Sadly, that was the highlight of the show, besides the goddam minuscule hope that Helo in BSG will someday meet the same fucking fate as he did here in fucking goddam Smallville...

There was so much potential in Prototype, but I guess that's true to the very definition of the word. Afterall, I guess I can hope that this episode was simply a tease for a truly kickass season finale and perhaps a stellar seventh (and hopefully final) season of the show...

... but if the prototype being Helo of all fucking pussies, is truly the metaphoric source of all fucking potential?...

Then fuck, there really is no hope left in this small world of ours, now is there?...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Noir small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Smallville really is black and white in terms of just how shitty and crappy ass the series can be...

Noir had a good concept, not to mention a decent storyline with not so bad twists, contusions, popcorn concessions and concussions along the way. But unfortunately for the show runners once again, the execution completely sucked goddam darth monkey balls, to the point where all the film noir screen transitions reminded me more of goddam Star Wars than any actual great film back in the day...

"Lana fucking Lang dies again, just to tease us so? Please say this is all foreshadowing, because what the fuck is wrong with the writers? Why can't they just leave her be, dead on the floor? Why, motherfuckers, why?..."

Is it so wrong to say that I find Kristen Kreuk at her hottest when she's completely unconscious and down helpless on the floor with a bullet wound to the chest? Err, guess it is wrong, so that's a story for another day...

At least Noir got that part of the story right, about the hot ass women at least. Chloe looked like fucking shit in the past with her horrible half-accent, but at least Lana Lang was dressed as a pure doll, and Lois Lane as a 40's singer was decent enough in retrospect. Hell, if there's anything to really complement about this episode, it was the costumes and props. All the old skool cars and dresses and even the nerdy glasses that Clark Kent had going for him in the Daily Planet were all done well enough to remind me of the old days of Superman, to be honest. You know, the real Superman comics of yester-year, not this teen angst bullshit known only as a piss poor pre-Spiderman 3 rip-off...

But how the fuck can I possibly enjoy an episode in black and white that stars Jimmy fucking Olsen of all goddam fucktards? Probably the only time I smiled in this episode was when he announced he was being sent away for the rest of the season. Hell, that would've been the happiest moment of the season, if only I didn't know that the actor was already contracted to come back next year for the seventh. Instead of feelings of overwhelming joy, I was sentenced to just wallow in the shame and embarrassment of seeing Jimmy Olsen with a horrible accent and somehow no bow-tow, basically sleuth around to the point of deducing that anyone who smokes or has a cigarette case is obviously goddam evil in the end. And ironically enough, he was right on the money...

I can't just blame him, though. Even Michael Rosenbaum was off his game, seeming just like his usual Canadian hick of a self within Jimmy's dream world, acting as a rich tycoon with no accent and basically no use in existence but to scheme out generic MWAHAHAs. It was nice that we got evil Lana Lang out of it all again, but it was a bitchy kind of evil Lana this time around that I just didn't like. She tried to be all sexy and seductive with Jimmy the reporter, but it just failed so miserably as apparently the actress couldn't even pull that shit off, no matter how dolled and dressed up she may be. I was expecting some sort of big reveal at the end that would make all the shit we put up with her to be somehow made up for, but instead all we got were more cryptic messages about Lionel Luthor and more teen angst with goddam secrets kept from Clark fucking Kent. WTF?...

Lionel Luthor really is making no sense in the series. He was a bad guy a few episodes ago, then he seemed to turn back to the light side of the force, and now suddenly he seems pitted in an evil MWAHAHA war over Ares of all Helo-pussy wannabes? WTF? I guess he wasn't the one who sent the killer after Lana, despite Lang's suspicions, but Lionel is just plain confusing right now in his role in the Smallville universe. Does he even have a role at all besides being goddam ambiguously evil? Even John Glover couldn't pull off a good 40's accent for God knows what reason. Didn't he fucking live during that decade? WTF?...

Weirdly enough, the only thing I did enjoy in this episode (besides the cuteness that is Chloe in Superman's arms), was the fact that Tom Welling pulled off a decent enough Christopher Reeve's Clark Kent of an impression in the Daily Planet. He was actually convincing as a geek, and not that damn bad at being the suave superhero of a crime-fighter at night. If there is any reason to watch Noir again, it's ironically to see in a dream sequence the kind of world that Smallville should have been in the fucking first place. Hell, it even featured the aforementioned classic shot of Superman zooming in to catch the pretty girl and save the day. They apparently just don't make Superman episodes like they used to, because why the fuck can't the writers pull off this kind of shit on a regular goddam basis on the series? WTF?...

Noir is pretty much as black and white as you can get with a Smallville episode. There were times that it showed potential, times when it showed decent enough and thoughtful writing, and moments where you could actually feel the spirit of old skool Superman trying to rip and claw its way to the goddam surface...

... and then you got fucking Jimmy of all hosers of posers of losers, playing the goddam hero...

Noir might've done better on a whole if it was aired earlier in the season, before the final story-arc of Ares and Lex's total descent into madness was meant to take place. But here, this is where the writers and producers finally decided to unravel and unleash the useless storyline of Jimmy fucking Olsen on us, just in the middle of when Smallville was actually getting goddam interesting for once? Do they even have any sense of goddam momentum or know the fucking definition of the bloody hell word? WTF?...

Like I said, if I just wanted super-cheesy action and horrible scene transition sequences? I'd put in a goddam original copy of Star Wars, thank you very much...

... or hell's bells, if I'm really desperate, something from the goddam prequel trilogy...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Nemesis small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Just when I thought Smallville was becoming a decent series for the first time in goddam recorded history, the writers had to yet again pull some shitty ass moment from the bowel bullshit of their asses...

"Oh my God at goddam, fucking naked Helo. Why must you haunt me so, Helo? Why, goddammit, why? Why not a Grace fucking naked Park as a sexy slave supersoldier? Why must you taunt us so, goddammit, why?..."

Jesus fucking titty Christ, what is wrong with the goddam writers? Nemesis was a solid episode for the most part, starting off with strong moments with Lionel Luthor along with his son, then coming together with an absolutely ruthless (yet somehow enjoyable) Lana Lang pulling the ever proverbial strings, and Clark and Lex proving once again that their so-called friendship of the past really was the only decent thing the series once had going for it besides the ever omnipresent Chloe cleavage...

But then the writers once again, like always, decided to scrap whatever brain cells they had left in their craniums, and gave us some worthless bullshit scene of Lex being MWAHAHA-randomly evil all over again, staring at the goddam man pecks of goddam fucking Helo of all bullshit pansies and pussies to machinate. Where the fuck are my Grace Park sex slaves, goddammit? If we have to put up with Helo, at least throw us a bone and a boner like Battlestar Galactica does with God knows how many Grace naked Parks to compensate. Yet we got none of that saving fucking grace here in Smallville. Lex really is evil then, now isn't he? WTF?...

Really, the largest complaint I have with this episode oddly enough stems from Lex Luthor. I mean, I guess the writers did a decent job in the past outlining why his friendship with Clark went sour and awry. The only problem was, Clark was correct at the end of this episode, that he did give up on Lex far too soon, and probably helped turn him to the dark side in the process as well. Because if memory serves me right, it was like Clark Kent was just asking Lex for favours left and right in the past, and never actually being a friend 'cept by giving oh shit looks and stealing away Lana fucking Lang. From any neutral standpoint, we could all see that Clark Kent was abusing his friendship, money and power from Lex fucking Luthor, and anybody with real common sense would've ditched that Kent-ass farmboy long ago for hoarding so many damn personal secrets...

... and I don't think that's how the writers really intended the reasoning for their schism to go, me thinks...

But at least in that scenario, we saw the loss of their friendship gradually develop. What I still don't get, is how Lex went from a decent but confused man in the early seasons of Smallville to the monster he supposedly has become now. What fucking drove him to the point of stealing army men from overseas and turning them into goddam naked supersoldiers to scar the eyes of all men who watch and witness? WTF?...

We saw here in Nemesis that as Clark pointed out later on, there are still glimpses of humanity left in Lex's soul. He did come back to save Clark, even if perhaps it was just out of convenience for that ever-so convenient two-person ladder they both later found and climbed. So how the fuck did the poor bald sap who used to just play pool and piano all the time, turn into this goddam insane, corporate mongrel of a monster? It just sort of happened with no real logical explanation whatsoever. WTF?...

That's not to say that any of this is Michael Rosenbaum's fault. He's done a fine job of presenting Lex as an evil son of a bitch for the past two seasons, regardless of the random shit stupidity of the writers, and he once again did a damn fine job here in Nemesis. He's the only real actor on the show (next to perhaps John Glover) who can tell a thousand stories with his facial expressions alone, and I think he did just that when witnessing the blood trickling down the arm of Clark Kent. I really do think that the actor did a superb job in leaving the audience guessing as to whether he really was going to leave Clark down there to die alone or not. And if there is any real tribute to the writers to be given here this season, I really do think that Rosenbaum saved their asses by really selling and making us abhor his character for what he has done to Lana fucking Lang all season long...

... well, at least officially... under the table, I just can't help but root for the guy in turning Lana fucking Lang into a goddam fucking Luthor...

And you know what's strangely enough ironic? I wish that she had gone through a fake fucking pregnancy years ago, because her evil turn to the dark side has actually given the actress a reason to be on the goddam show. Kristen Kreuk is a horrible actress at being anything but a horrible bitch, but finally on the series the writers have given her a chance to shine. Against all sense of logic, I actually really enjoyed her performance here in Nemesis, as she threatened Lionel Luthor was accidental death and went so far as to spew a wonderful cauldron mix of sweet ass venom right back into the face of her husband when it was all said and done. Her speech was actually wondrous written, as the writers really do have a thing for merciless, meticulous malice and malcontent...

Finally, Kristen Kreuk has found an actual purpose on the show, which can only mean one thing in the near future...

... or the audience does, thanks to a certain lack of oh shit looks and goddam Clark Kent teen angst next season, at least...

Didn't Tom Welling just turn thirty years old or something, and yet still he spends the entire episode pining and sobbing away at the girl that Lex supposedly stole from him? Now yes, I always wanted a girl to be the dividing factor between Lex and Clark as friends and foes, and Michael Rosenbaum has really done my ideals for the series justice, but Tom Welling just seems to piss away all those achievements with his goddam one-dimensional acting. The only thing he provided in Nemesis was a fear of kryptonite, a puddle of superhuman blood, and yet another grudge of an oh shit pissing match while laying there helpless on the ground. Why is it that despite everything that Lex has done and done evil in the series, that we still end up siding with him whenever Clark Kent opens his dumbass mouth?...

... well, until we were forced to endure the naked and neutered Helo once more as torture to the goddam eyes, that is...

... God, Lex and the writers are such fucking bastards for inflicting that on us...

And if there were any real faults with Nemesis besides the goddam meaningless ending that pretty much came out of nowhere (yet nobody in their right mind should've been caught by surprise by it)? It's just that, not only was Chloe barely used in this episode at all (which is becoming quite the disturbing trend), but that once again we have no fucking clue where this storyline with Lionel fucking Luthor is going. Ma Kent admits later on that she still doesn't trust this replacement dad she's been whoring herself out to, and for good reason if you consider that he was the man who blackmailed Lana into marrying Lex at the altar...

But what is this now, that Lionel is claiming that he's protecting Clark from Lex or whatever sort of crap? Sure, I'm interested in what the writers have in mind there, but this constant see-sawing of his goddam character just seems to be showing off that the creative minds behind the series have really no fucking clue what to do with the best fucking acting they've ever had on the show. WTF?...

Still, while Nemesis did have its flaws, with the complete lack of Grace fucking Park sexing it up with her old Edgemont gal-pal of Lana fucking Luthor? At least it was still better than any fucking Star Trek movie I've seen of the same fucking name...

And at least it ranks right up there with Green Arrow and whatever other rare episode I've actually liked this year so far, as one of the most well written Smallville hours of this horrid, goddam sixth season of the show...

For once, the writers proved that perhaps when push comes to shove, they're not really my nemesis...

... because for a moment there, when even Lana fucking Lang for once was goddam bearable to watch?...

I saw a glimpse of something from the series that I haven't witnessed in a very long time...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Progeny small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Really, was there any real sort of enjoyment that we were supposed to extract from Progeny, except for the pains and languishes of one goddam Lana fucking Lang?...

"Colonel Pendergast figured it all out. Her pregnancy was faked to force a marriage to Lex Luthor? So, aha, she was a gold-digger afterall. That motherfucking bitch"...

How the fuck could I possibly not ball out in laughter at the scene where she's falsely accused of faking her own pregnancy to get married to a billionaire? I mean honestly, after knowing her for so many damn years and after just taking one look at that slut of a face, how the fuck could I not understand why the doctor assumed she was a fucking gold-digger right off the bat? She's been bat-shit insane for how many years on camera now, and it actually scares me knowing that the character will somehow now get even more angtsy and bitchy as the season wears on...

The rest of the episode focused on Chloe's mother, who had dark brunette hair for some goddam reason. She had an interesting power, the ability to control other meteor freaks, which apparently includes her own daughter to the point where bad, bloody parenting was involved. And oh, right, this episode also included her forcing her daughter to be stupid enough to attack Lex Luthor in a cheap looking BMV and get herself into trouble with the authorities to boot. Nice plan, mom...

Did we really learn anything more about Chloe this episode that we didn't already know or didn't care about? Out of the blue, we finally meet her mother, who actually turns out to be the new freak of the week. It was interesting I suppose, the talk that the two had as her mother was slipping back into a coma, if only in the sense that Allison Mack actually is a decent actress on the series. But besides more teen angst from the goddam series, not to mention yet another token appearance by everyone's favourite Ma Kent, Progeny offered no real value to the current season except by having Lex Luthor prove that he truly is one badass SOB...

Well, okay, so he also proved that he fucks up a hell of lot by having his secret 33.1 facility in a place where Chloe of all people could've taken a dozen photos of and gotten a hundred different voice recordings from. How the hell Lex Luthor could slip up bad enough to let some wind elemental asshole of a freak of a week escape from his Imperio of a prison, I will never know. But at least thanks to his threats against Chloe there at the end, not to mention the fact that he fucking faked Lana Lang's entire goddam pregnancy, it all cemented the fact that he really is the true villain of the series. I just don't see how his character evolved from the kind person he was in season one all to the way to this badass bullshit, but bleh, whatever. It's Smallville, so I merely shrug, accept it, and move on with my life...

Because isn't that what Clark Kent does, except when it comes to Lana fucking Lang of all people? He keeps pining and whining and going all emo whenever she admits to have a baby miscarriage, and yet never bothers to ever use his brain when Chloe of all people is bringing fucking kryptonite to his bedside? WTF? The only thing I did enjoy from Tom Welling's performance this episode, was the look on his face when waiting until the very last second whether to save Lex from a goddam tear gas canister to the fucking face...

... sigh... if only Lex Luthor really wanted to prove himself evil this episode, he should've forced the mother to make Chloe do a hell of a lot more pleasant things for him than just show up at his front door, if you know what I mean...

Fuck, if only Chloe's mother had forced her daughter to do a hell of a lot more pleasurable things to herself? Then fuck, maybe we would've had a decent episode then...

... of course, the fact that I kept thinking about that while noticing the distinct lack of Chloe cleavage in the episode, probably means I'm just as much of a bastard as Lex ever will be...

Not like I care, really. I mean, sure I may be evil, but unlike Lex Luthor, at least I'm also a realist and a true goddam pragmatist...

... not to mention a wannabe hypnotist who gets turned on by the goddam struggle, but that's a story for another day...

Y2kk Update: - Battlestar Galactica: Crossroads (Part 2) Season Finale Review (Spoilers...) -

Though no, I'm not talking about Crossroads (Part 2) as a goddam, frakkin' episode...

... but rather about the insane fact that apparently, Battlestar Galactica was just re-renewed for 22 fucking episodes next season...

I mean seriously, what the fuck? What the frak, and what the goddam fuck? WTF?...

The eternal optimist in me may try to grin at the possibility that SciFi is simply trying to load up on BSG episodes while they can, so that they can finally put the series to rest and cancel that goddam motherfucker while pulling off their BSG 4.0 and 4.5, overpriced boxset bullshit all over again. Though at least finally, then I'd know that Battlestar Galactica will have been finally put out of its misery, after episodes like Crossroads (Part 2) that literally made no fucking sense in any sense of the word whatsoever...

Well, alright. So maybe taken into the proper context, there was nothing in Crossroads (Part 2) that was actually that far out from left field. I mean, who here actually did think that Kara had died in Maelstrom in the most meaningless of deaths? Sure, those fake facts reported on the net about the actress being pissed as hell about her role on the series might've looked serious if only Katee Sackoff had anything better to do with her career. And it's been almost obvious all season long that either she was a frakkin' Cylon, or that she was some sort of god character that Ron Moore and his fucking love for Q (the TNG variety, that is) seems to goddam obsess over and adore...

I suppose that the Kara thing made sense in a goddam predictable and eye-rolling way, if you're into goddam mythology and shit like that. But what completely didn't make any fucking sense to me, was the fact that the "switch" that made Tigh, Anders, Tori and Tyrol all finally realize that they were Cylons, was the goddam Jimi Hendrix song of "All Along the Watchtower". I mean seriously, what the fuck was that? Cylon Christian Rock from way back on earth? WTF?...

First of all, having Tigh as a Cylon makes no fucking logical sense in the traditional line of thinking. He fought alongside the Colonials during the first fucking Cylon war, long before the human-like Cylons were ever first made. Second, it just cheapens the whole effect of the occupation, knowing that the two leaders of Anders and Tyrol were actually fucking Cylons all along and didn't know it. Third, how the fuck did Tyrol ever get a baby with fucking Cally of all evil bitches, unless apparently Cylons that become union leaders automatically get the gift of life as a benefit as well? What's even dumber, is that apparently Tyrol was having Cylon on Cylon action back in the first season with Boomer, yet the writers refuse to give us the same damn benefit with Tori and Grace Park to this very damn day. What the frak is up with that?...

I would even go so far and claim that it's all a trick, that the four were manipulated into thinking they were Cylons, if only Ron Moore hadn't already claimed that all four of them really were. So with All Along the Watchtower, the only real explanation for any of this bullshit comes from the far left outfield of goddam homerism, Odyssey and Iliad, religious crap. That is, it all happened long ago, and it's all happening yet again, if you get my fucking goddam drift...

If you start looking outside of the box at the concepts of Kara potentially being a god-like figure, of all the prophetic bullshit that the Six in Baltar's head and the Baltar in Six's head keep on spewing out, and at all the goddam hallucinations that the goddam Madame President seems to keep having? Then it becomes sadly obvious that Ron Moore is trying to shock us all with some sort of goddam eye-rolling revelation when it's all said and done. Or at least, something that would be revelatory, if only it hadn't been done in God knows how many fifty-cent, two-bit, cheapass novels over the past hundred years or so...

Whether the final answer will be that apparently humans from earth actually invented the Cylons and the Colonials are all actually a form of Cylon themselves, or that it's the Cylons from the fleet who end up founding and evolving earth as we know it today, does it really matter? It's all so fucking hokey and goddam bullshit, SciFi cliche that I honestly can't believe that this same kind of crap is coming from the same damn series that supposedly prides itself on real life situations and modern-day moral dilemmas. WTF?...

And once again, I ask again, "All Along the Watchtower"? WTF is this shit? Was Jimi Hendrix a Cylon all along? WTF?...

... oh, please tell me there's some kind of way out of here, out of this joke of a series...

Now, at least I tried to take solace and a bit of reprieve from the trial of Gaius Baltar, as really, I do have to tip my hat off to the writers for instilling some form of common sense into Lee Adama's big ass speech. Because he was completely right, that while Baltar was indeed a coward and a collaborator (and possibly a traitor), he only really did so to preserve his own life. He would've died long ago if he had stood up to the Cylons, but since he never did, the mob wanted him dead here and now. Which completely contradicted the general pardon to all collaborators that Laura Roslin had given out months ago, yet here she was, the one who wanted Baltar's head on a silver platter the most out of all. Admiral Adama probably summed it up best when it was all said and done, that innocent is not the same as "not guilty", as the verdict for Gaius Baltar was actually right when it all comes down to the state of the Colonial race as we know it...

But oh dear God, did the writers have to give Jamie Bamber the most whiny of obnoxious of teen angsty lines? First of all, a note to the creators of the show: DO NOT ever repeat fucking lines on screen, like "what we did to ourselves... what we did to ourselves". That kind of bullshit works on paper, works even in writing when it comes to novels, but just sounds so unnatural when said out loud except from the best of fucking actors. And how the fuck did the judges allow Lee to preach out his entire damn lecture to the people for God knows how many endless minutes? The prosecution was right, that it simply was not fair to outline your entire goddam moral high ground bullshit in the court room on the witness stand like that. You wait until the closing remarks where you actually have a fucking goddam time limit, that's fucking what. WTF?...

I liked what Lee Adama had to say about the whole damn frakked up situation. I just couldn't stand how he said it, and what little the writers had to actually give the man to work with, besides the usual goddam teen angst bullshit crap against his father. And what was even dumber, was that after it was all said and done in a goddam attorney suit, he suddenly decides to suit up again and pilot Viper 3 after pushing a giant goddam reset button yet again for his character? What, were there honestly no damn repercussions for the kind of crap he pulled with his father before? So just like that, he's forgiven once more? WTF?...

There were definitely some decent scenes littered and scattered throughout the whole of the episode. I actually smirked at Felix purging the courtroom with his own sense of Puritanical justice, I thought that Laura Roslin and Admiral Adama had a touching (but heart-breaking) scene with one another when it was discovered that the latter had been the swing vote in the courtroom, and I really was damn turned on by Tori there as she was being seduced by Anders of all fucking losers. My fucking God, if only Grace Park had that kind of acting skills at looking horny and helpless for sex as hell, I'd be in my bunk rather than writing this goddam noname review of mine right fucking now...

But there were just so many other moments that were just so damn mindfrakking dumbass, and not in a goddam fucking creative way, that the episode couldn't help but be ruined as much as the goddam Opera House was back on Kobol. The dream sequences with Athena and the president led absolutely nowhere, and neither did any of the speeches that Lampkin gave to Number Six just a few episodes before about love and Gaius Baltar. Sure, I assume that the Baltar in Six's head will play some sort of important role next season, but as it stands right now? It's just a loose fucking thread that led nowhere except to some more bullshit theories how Hera (and maybe she'll have a husband some day called Zeus) might end up restarting the goddam human race on earth or some cliche crap like that...

Basically, I liked much of the execution in Crossroads (Part 2), but I completely couldn't stand the direction that I personally am seeing the plot and storyline of the series lean towards. From the grim reality and memories of suicide bombers in goddam Exodus, to now Kara fucking Thrace showing up out of nowhere with the Viper we fucking saw blow to pieces in Maelstrom? The series has truly jumped the ever proverbial shark into goddam la-la fantasy land, and that's saying a hell of a lot when talking about science fucking fiction...

... but rather how Ron Moore, after just three fucking seasons of the show, could've already lost his goddam frakkin' mind...

Fuck, he didn't even give us more than five fucking seconds of Grace fucking Park. Why couldn't he have given us the same damn scene of Tori being seduced by the scent of the neck, but with sexed up Sharons there rather than goddam Anders of all fucking assholes? Why the fuck couldn't that have been our goddam cliffhanger, instead of just some noname, worthless shot of earth to the sound of goddam Cylon rock music? WTF?...

[c. visitors too bored to return...]
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