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Okay, I'll admit it... up to this day, I hadn't seen a single movie in theatres with any of my friends from university...

Because yeah, while I was all set to watch Frank Miller's Sin City at my tiny little, unknown $4 theatre in the boonies, my friends all opted to see the film as well as soon as I mentioned it this afternoon... So I decided to play along, fork over some extra cash, and we all saw the film together at Paramount Theatres in downtown Toronto...

And was it worth it? Those extra six dollars I spent, at least?... that's what a review is really all about, now ain't it?...

Yeah, I got suckered into seeing Sin City thanks to three empty promises: style, gore, and absolute hardcore nudity...

There was no real style to the film. It basically just stuck to its film noir presence the entire way through, and hardly ever highlighted objects and people with colour, the way all the advertisements for the film said it did... Make no mistake: I did get a real kick of seeing Jessica Alba stand out hard (definitely hard...) from the crowd, or seeing how kickass Clive Owen's ride looked all decked out in red. But really, besides these few moments of actual style with substance, the film was just downright painfully plain... or black and white, in this case at least...

Even the music felt monotonous. Sure, it normally flowed well with the film and its scenes, I suppose... but it never stood out, the way a great soundtrack tends to stick in your mind after a film, even after not noticing it once during the entire two hours... Hell, I can't even remember any distinct music from Sin City at all. It was all just damn film noir generic filler in the end...

Let me get this definitely straight: black and white, it matters not... Sin City may have been absolutely the damn goriest film I have ever seen in my entire damn life...

Hell, it even makes Kill Bill Vol 1 look as pansy-like as... well?... Kill Bill Vol 2, actually...

Every single damn scene in Sin City, had pretty much at least one head getting chopped off, or one hand being sliced off, or one of my favourites - a man with a gun cock in his head, getting sliced into a human "pez dispenser"...

It's just that, there was just so much damn pointless gore in the film, that I did definitely become desensitized to it. By the time the halfway point of the film arrived, I couldn't even muster up an eyebrow for whenever a guy got his ass blown up by a grenade or not... There's only so much violence that you can take before getting bored. After pedophiles and cannibals in just the first third of the film alone, somehow generic muscle bound villains in the second half just can't stir up any tension in me... but I'll get more into that a bit later on...

Dammit, I wanted so much more! Where's Jessica Alba in living colour when you need her?...

Sure, we got gratuitous, and very fortuitous nudity showings of both Jaime King and Carlo Gugino. There was just so much nudity from those two at the start, that it almost bordered on sheer ridiculousness, at just how downright gratuitous their nudity turned out to be... not that I'm complaining, mind you...

The thing about Sin City... is that just like all those old town hooker girls prancing about, the movie feels like such a goddam tease...

Mickey Rourke absolutely nailed his performance as Marv, and then some... Well, nailing Goldie for one thing was definitely a great way to start off the show. And the action scene with the cops after, was definitely giving me the kind of superhero goosebumps that only films like X-men and Spiderman have given me before... I loved the sheer ridiculousness of all his action scenes. I mean, the guy gets run over by a car a half dozen times, and all he cares about is a) popping some psycho pills, and b) how crappy modern cars look these days? WTF?... you gotta love the guy for his style... he has a thing for coats, afterall...

And unlike the rest of the film, the first of the three stories actually had substance. Or so it seemed... I absolutely loved Elijah Wood's character. His comic book glasses was absolutely the best use of "style" in the entire film (although Marv's bandages were decently done as well). I've never quite been sickened by a character in a movie before, but the thought of Elijah Wood eating Lucille's hand right in front of her, has got to be one of the sickest (and most wicked) images I have ever experienced in a film before... Elijah Wood nailed all his scenes. Seeing him just passively smiling there, as his human-eating dog gobbled up his entrails, was just somehow so damn sickening, that it actually felt good... He was a true villain, as far as I'm concerned. And as the short, evil, quite gay, jumping bad guy of the film, his past resume as a hobbit only helped to make his scenes that much more memorable... if only because of all the laughs...

Him and Mickey Rouke absolutely made the first third of the film into the most promising (and most teasing) forty-some minutes of film I've seen all year so far... I loved almost every single one of Marv's scenes. Torturing men by plowing their heads on asphalt (while driving), going to confession to off the priest, and seeing Jessica Alba in a damn fine white T-shirt, all made for a damn engrossing first chapter... Sure, there were pointless spots, like Lucille's death and maybe the anti-climatic encounter with the Cardinal... But how the hell could I possibly not love a chapter, where Marv at the end calls his executioners "pansies" for not being able to kill him on the first try?...

... but unfortunately, as soon as he faded away, that's when the film started slipping into obscurity and mediocrity as well...

Now, I have nothing against Clive Owen. I actually think he did a damn fine job in his role... I just think his role sucked in the second chapter of Sin City, that's all...

Hell, when the only thing you snicker at is his goddam "Lancelot" reference, then you know something just ain't right...

While the first third of the film felt fresh thanks to crooked cops, some fine action from Marv, and some damn fine nudity as well, the second half just felt like it lost way too much of the momentum that the film had going for it at that point... We started off with an absolutely atrociously lame acted scene, with Brittany Murphy (WTF?) trying to actually act serious with Benicio Del Toro. And when it came to Del Toro's "death" by sword, there was no real surprise or suspense to the scene. By that point, I had already become so desensitized to all the gore and slayings, that I just whimpered out an "eh" when people's skulls were literally being sliced in half...

... the action in Sin City was absolutely brutal... both in terms of gore, and eventual tediousness actually...

The second story of the film just didn't have any characters that I was interested in... Michael Clarke Duncan's Kingpin clone was really just a generic thug. And with Goldie/Wendy now missing in action, I didn't give a damn about any of the hookers left over, especially with Rosario Dawson overplaying the Gail role... She had absolutely no chemistry with Clive Owen. And all I could do was roll my eyes at just how much she overacted the scene where she gets off on offing a half dozen guys... And hell, even that soon-to-be-infamous car conversation between Clive Owen and Del Toro (the one scene directed by Quentin Tarantino) turned out to be a complete bore. We were all supposed to impressed by the gore factor of the spliced apart neck or something, but I just ended up yawning at the Kill Bill meaningless dialogue in the end...

Sure, the second story of the film had its moments. The arrow in the chest guy was funny for the first five seconds, and that Japanese girl was pretty damn hot...

But where the fuck was the nudity? You can never get enough nudity... Where were the clever villains? The grenade lover definitely does not count... Where was the protagonist that we actually cared for? Because let's face it - Dwight was just a poor man's Marv... And I guess I was just disappointed that besides Gail, there really were no real links to the first story in the film. Maybe Sin City will work better then as three separate chapters on the upcoming DVD, I don't know... all I do know, is that it really didn't seem like it worked in the film...

And dammit, I couldn't even enjoy Bruce Willis! Since when could I not enjoy a Bruce Willis role?...

... hell, I even almost cried during Armageddon... but let us never speak of that again...

The thing is, I loved the Hartigan part at the start of the film, when I wasn't bored of all the overbearing violence and all... Shooting Nick Stahl's nuts really had me laughing louder than anyone else in the theatre... Michael Madsen did an excellent job with the small role he was awarded... And probably for the only time in the film, the narrative actually worked when it came to his heart condition, as Bruce Willis really can own a scene whenever he wants to, even as just a keeling voice...

The thing is, his Nancy story just felt like such a boring, anti-climatic mess compared to the first story of the film, that I couldn't help but walk away from Sin City feeling disappointed in the end... Having Jessica Alba as a "19-year old" just didn't work. She definitely doesn't look like a 19-year old virgin (although I surely wish she was...)... And I just felt absolutely no chemistry between her and Bruce Willis, although I suppose that was the point...

I hated how damn green the Green Bastard turned out on screen. For every other piece of art and "style" in the film, it was all subtle. So why make the damn ugly, fat green guy so damn obvious? He took away from the rest of the film in the process... Not to mention the fact that, while I do appreciate a circular story now and again, I did get quite sick of all the repeated lines in Bruce Willis' second showdown with Nick Stahl... There was no big battle in the end. There was a knife stab, a ripping of the balls (again), and then a sacrifice for a young lady. And while that may all have sounded cool in a comic book, it just didn't work out on the silver screen. Not as far as I'm concerned, at least...

I mean, where the fuck was my naked Jessica Alba?... and seeing Bruce Willis in a cage for eight years, was not my idea of entertainment...

... two hours was just too damn long in the end for this film... I got bored of the action forty minutes in, and there really wasn't much substance after that... well, if you're not a graphic novel whore, at least...

Because you see, while the purists may all cull and cut off my balls for saying this, but... sometimes, a film can be too damn close to its source material for its own good...

Sin City was almost 100% authentic to its comic book roots. Hell, it even ripped off direct comic book bubble narratives for half of the film, or some sort of crap like that...

I know that the purists would all probably cheer and laud Robert Rodriquez for that. But seriously, dialogue that sounds great in your head, often just sounds too goddam ridiculous to bear when it comes to the actual ears...

Brittany Murphy repeating lines over and over again (and trying to actually act serious while doing so...) just didn't work... Jessica Alba, trying to sound like an 11 year old helpless girl again when it comes to "never screaming", just didn't work... Hell, even the opening scene with Josh Harnett had me rolling my eyes at the uber-cheesy dialogue, until the lovely sound of a gunshot wound lifted my spirits (and gave me a rise...), for the first third of the film at least...

You could tell that this film had so much potential. And from a strictly "original" point of view, Sin City will really stand out from pretty much every other film to be released this year. If that says anything at least...

... but really, was the film worth the $10 I spent this afternoon?... isn't that all that matters?...

When I left that Paramount Theatres today, muddled and befuddled with mixed feelings, I looked over to my friends who had followed me to the film... and they were all shaking their heads as well...

Y2kk Update: - Tecmo's Dead or Alive Ultimate Microsoft Xbox Review (Spoilers?... umm, no...) -

I mean, March 2005 was such a huge month for video games. The PSP was released (the first nail in Sony's coffin, if you ask me...), and so many damn fine games came out for every single system. God of War, Brothers in Arms, Star Wars: Republic Commando, Donkey Kong Jungle Beat, and Timesplitters 3... they're all games that I want, to some extent... and they're all games that I could've gotten...

... and uggh! Goddammit, I can't believe I've been this damn busy the entire damn month... In a sense, I've been fortunate that there's been no good television on in March to review, otherwise I never would've gotten done all the damn programming assignments and tests that have been bogging me down for the past thirty days or so...

Sure, I had some moments on the weekends to actually get my gaming groove on... But the thing is, without time on weekdays, I just didn't have the urge to play any of the long winded, single player games that I've bought this past month or so...

Well, the only real gaming I've done the past month or so, have been spurts of Xbox fighting games in between Toronto Raptors commercials and crap like that...

I've been playing Street Fighter 3 mostly... and if you checked my review of Street Fighter Anniversary, then you'd see I definitely chastised Capcom for milking those Street Fighter titties dry...

The thing is, I'll readily admit that I'm definitely no Dead or Alive fan. I may own Dead or Alive 2 for the Dreamcast, but I regret ever even picking up that game for the $20 or so that I did in the past... I just can't seem to ever get into 3D fighters, the way I fell in love with Street Fighter all those childhood years ago...

So why the hell did I essentially buy Dead or Alive 2 all over again? And for $40 this time?...

Dead or Alive Ultimate contains both DOA1 and DOA2... I was severely disappointed at the port of Dead of Alive 1 though. Except for maybe the controls and added Xbox resolution, the game is exactly the same as it was back on the Sega Saturn. And the game sucked back then, and it still sucks now... although I definitely get a chuckle out of just how damn "bumpmapped" they made every single female fighter back then, no matter how primitive those graphics were, long before the bump-mapped phrase was ever truly coined...

But the real meat and potatoes and jungle beat bongos of Dead or Alive Ultimate, is the remake of Dead or Alive 2, a game I've repeated many times before as one that I simply cannot enjoy... despite wasting my cash on it all those years ago...

And to me, I still can't enjoy the game really. The reversal system is nice, and some of the punch and kick combos I can pull off in Survival mode kept me coming back for more on the Dreamcast... but really, that's all there ever is in a 3D fighter. Dead or Alive 2 has always felt just as generically bland to me as the Tekken and Virtua Fighter series always have. All I really do is punch and kick and do some fancy special moves... and while sure, essentially that's all a 2D fighter is as well, somehow 2D fighters just feel like they have a hell of a lot more intuitive strategy involved...

So why did I buy Dead or Alive Ultimate, over all those March 2005 releases that I mentioned up above?...

Yeah, this month has been all about the quick gaming fix for me. And in that sense, Dead or Alive Ultimate really delivered...

I can honestly say that next to Street Fighter 3, DOA2 has been the game I've picked up and played the most in this month of March. And why? Because it's just so easy to pick up and play for a session...

Who here doesn't get addicted to unlocking potentially dozens of costumes for Ayane and Kasumi? That's all I did whenever I had free time this month, as the story mode is just that damn short and that damn gratifying... All I do in story mode, is beat on a few guys, watch some boobs fly, and then unlock a costume after just five or ten minutes of playing. I actually get a reward for literally playing the game during television commercials, or whenever I get burned out from work... and that sadly has been worth my money, I think...

Now, I hate the characters in DOA2. All the guys are absolutely useless, as Hayate and even ol' Ryu just feel generically empty compared to their female brethren... I hate all the moves in the game. Except if you're against a real pro, you can literally beat almost everyone in 3D fighting games by just mashing damn buttons, and Dead or Alive 2 is definitely no exception to the rule... And I don't even like the music and sound effects in the game. Japanophiles may adore the fact that nothing was translated essentially, but I just get annoyed that so little work was ever done in the transference over to North America. And the damn menu song still bugs me, long after all those damn years of hating it back on the Sega Dreamcast...

Dead or Alive Ultimate is simply gorgeous, no matter what TV you own. Every character is so vibrant in colour and literal bump mapping, and every single background is so rich with detail that it really makes the new revamped DOA2 stand out from the rest of the 3D fighting crowd... Hell, the background settings are probably the only real reason to play the game, next to the women of course. The only thing better than tickling Hitomi in tight jeans, is fighting amongst rhinos or knocking goddam Helena off of goddam buildings, or whatever sort of crap...

I still had my grave disappointments with Dead or Alive 2 though... I mean, besides the added costumes, graphics, and background settings, there really isn't anything new...

I at least wanted new characters, more than the piddly default of 8 or 10 or whatever. And yet as soon as I popped in the game, I found that the only DOA3 character added (Hitomi) wasn't even unlocked by default... Hell, they don't even let you use her in story mode even after you unlock her, which is a royal pain in the ass as far as I'm concerned... costume unlocking and wallet wise, at least...

But even though I still don't enjoy the Dead or Alive series for its fighting... even if I still don't have the guts or the groin to actually give a damn about its graphics... and even though I'm still kicking myself, for buying pretty much exactly the same game as I already had on the Sega Dreamcast (with added Xbox Live features, not that I ever use them, mind you...)...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Lucy small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers) -

Now, I know that Lucy was pretty much just a filler episode. And normally, I'd be the first to jump on the Lucy-hating bandwagon... or at least, I'd be the first to jump on Lucy...

... but I don't know... Maybe with Battlestar Galactica, Stargate SG-1, and Stagate Atlantis all over for the season... and maybe because of the current hiatus for my ever precious and beloved Enterprise... or maybe just because of the storied, fucking state of affairs that my goddam school life is going through right now...

... "I... kinda... liked... Lucy?... I love Lucy... and I don't know why... I guess 'cause, Lois and her sister had some real sass... not to mention some real lesbian chemistry too, giggling like Japanese school girls with Chloe, but I digress..."...

Besides lesbian chic, I just have a thing for episodes with decent dialogue, that's all... Normally, Smallville is absolutely the last show on earth that I'd ever credit for having good scripts. And even by glancing at this episode, it's obvious to see why... Lana was a bitch as always. I must admit, I never expected her to go all "my preciousss" and steal the stone herself. But still, her acting this episode was just atrocious. As I couldn't help but ball out in laughter at her god-awful "You betrayed me!" soap opera stare of the week... She was staring at Jason obviously, who went all bullish on Lionel Luther (who was acting very suspiciously this episode, might I add). Jason was only in a few scenes, and really didn't do himself any favours... So, he got the rock last week, then lost it this week. Wow, he sucks... The only good thing to come out of Lucy this week, was the fact that Lex found out that Jason was the one who first stole the rock in China...

... well, that's not the only thing to come out of Lucy... if only I had my way...

The thing is, yeah Lucy wasn't really good looking to me, considering all that make-up made her into quite the whore... But I don't know. I guess I'm just a corporate whore for whores or something, because the show just feels so much more like family... a sexy incestuous family, with Lois and friends onboard... as Erica Durance just seems to make everyone better and that much hotter...

I just always seem to love the flirtatious, sibling rivalry going on between Clark and Lois... Now, it bugs me to hell that she keeps slapping "Smallville" on the shoulder without ever noticing his arms of steel. But hey, I just love the way that Clark talks to her... Completely unlike what he does to everyone else, he doesn't try to be nice to her really. He's so much more natural when he's being both sarcastic, funny, and uncomfortably comfortable with her at the same time. And it all comes out so wonderfully on screen, when he unwittingly admitted that him and her were "friends" in the barn... Lois unfortunately had a lot of sappy dialogue this episode, namely with her sob story about raising her sister like a mother. But the actress knew how to blow the whole thing off, with her quick little retorts and retreats, and her lovely telling of a 3-star general to shut the hell up... Her dialogue for the most part, is just so much more interesting than any other character's Smallville dialogue, that it really is funny at times... Sure, overcooking bacon was cliche. But she certainly made up for it, actually seeming both jealous and disgusted as her sister was flirting with Clark in those Simple Life overalls of hers...

Now, obviously I should have a problem with an episode called "Lucy", if I thought the character of Lucy was poorly handled... I hated how lame and fake her sob story of the loan shark was. I hated how Clark figured out her whole ploy as well (isn't he normally Mr. Clueless?). I hated her Lucy just magically escaped from her captors and stole that Porsche without anyone noticing. And yes, I even hated her face, considering how whorish her make-up was... But hey, the episode was still on the plus side as far as I'm concerned, considering Lois and Lucy had a decent talk in front of a nice Porsche inside of the truck gone wild. And hey, I'll enjoy the episode, if only because of the cool looking jump Clark made onto the back of the truck (why couldn't he just run alongside it though?... eh...)... And honestly, how could I not at least enjoy an episode, where Tanith of all supervillains made a triumphant return after so many years of just being dead on Stargate SG-1? His German accent was just embarrassing... but hey, at least it was still better than that one time at band camp, when he was reduced to being on Andromeda, that's for sure...

Plot-wise, Lucy was definitely a weak link to start off the Smallville hiatus with.... But dialogue wise? I don't know, but I actually did enjoy what we were given... Chloe was so damn flirty with her comments, that I couldn't help but laugh at every single one of Clark's patented "oh shit" looks. Chloe just looks so damn smug everytime she comments about how he never stops trying to save people, that really, how could I not find her the least bit attractive?... Lionel played the violin bit, and shook up the cards of the game by actually proving to us for once that he's telling the truth, no matter how evil he sounded in the library scene. And Lex? Well, his idea to catch the evil Tanith was pretty lame. But like I said, he did seem rather naive when he learned the truth about Jason, a feeling that has been definitely sorely lacking this season. And if I really had any complaints about Lex this episode? It was that he was too nice... Sure, he had his own agenda in Germany. But he just sounded far more genuine about Clark as "family", then he's genuinely sounded all season long... a little too nice, for a supervillain to be I'd say...

Lucy as a whole episode was a bit of a cliche, with all its crap about family and siblings and three star generals that... Still, Lois and Clark and these new adventures of Superman, just managed to make it that much more entertaining to me somehow...

... well, more than Stargate SG-1 and Star Trek Enterprise did for me this week, at least...

So good for you, Smallville! You finally get yourself an IvanFian episode of the week award...

... though, alas... the sad part is, even if SG-1 and Enterprise had aired this week, Lucy still might've had a chance at the honour...

Y2kk Update: - Capcom's Street Fighter Anniversary Collection Microsoft Xbox Review (Spoilers?... umm, no...) -

Well, I wasn't originally going to post this on my front page. I was gonna just keep it hidden in my Xbox review section like most of my reviews these days, but... Eh, what the hey? Might as well just post it here, since I did end up writing much more than I thought I would about just two old games from my noname, nostalgic past...

... the thing is, there comes a point in a geek's life, where he ponders and wonders over just how many goddam times he's gonna buy the same damn game over and over again...

I bought Street Fighter 2 for the SNES. I bought Street Fighter II Turbo for the same system... Hell, to complete the collection, I bought Super Street Fighter II for the SNES as well. And to be honest? I never once regretted my decisions... hell, the only thing I do regret, is not picking up Street Fighter Alpha 2 for the SNES when I had the chance... sniff sniff, I even miss that game's loading times on a goddam cartridge...

... even though I also had Street Fighter: Championship Edition for the Sega Genesis (yet I didn't even have a Genesis...)... and even though I bought both Street Fighter Alpha 3 and Street Fighter 3: Third Impact for the Sega Dreamcast... hell, my only real regret there, was that I still wasn't able to get Street Fighter Alpha 2, which still remains today as perhaps my favourite Street Fighter game of all time... ironically so, at least...

I mean, seriously... there comes a point in any geek's life, where he just wonders and ponders over just how many goddam times he's gonna buy the same damn games over and over again from Capcom...

Even though I knew there was a recall going up here in Canada (thanks to all the goddam game manuals being in French instead of English), I still picked up Street Fighter Anniversary Collection the other day from my local Wal-mart... and realized that I'm gonna have to exchange it for an English manual one day...

... God, I hate Remy... and I hate goddam French... but that's besides the point...

The point is, even for $40 CDN (which is quite steep, actually), I don't really regret my decision... Sure, I can get out my old systems and play Street Fighter with actually decent controllers anytime I want to. But I don't know... there's just something so satisfying, and instantly so gratifying, about buying a game you know that you'd love... simply because you loved it all those years ago...

Playing Hyper Super Street Fighter II Turbo in this Anniversary Collection, really brought to life a lot of old nostalgic dreams, and a lot of newfound nightmares, actually... and first, I'll get all the complaints off my chest...

WTF did they do to the music? I mean, I know the Xbox can't do midi music very well. But no matter what choice of music that I pick (CPS1, CPS2, or remixed), everything sounds like crap. Where are the great classics like Ryu's, Ken's, Chun-Li's, Guile's, and Cammy's background songs? Sure, they still exist in one form or another in the Anniversary Collection, but they all literally sound like Sega Genesis crap... Maybe it's just old skool nostalgic talking, but I want my goddam SNES midi music back!... but at least, Capcom got all the old sound effects right (but how could they not with the Xbox's Dolby Digital processing power?)...

And the controls... Now, Street Fighter II is a lot harder than I remember. Going back to even the SNES versions, I really get my ass kicked and name taken these days, even after pumping down the difficulty levels to infantile two or three stars... But even after doing so, the difficulty in SFII for the Anniversary Collection is still goddam unbearable at times. Half because the game is all about timing that no gamer has anymore, and half because the controls with the stock Xbox controller are pure and absolute crap!...

Who was the Capcom genius who decided to use the white and black buttons for punch and kick? The same person who did the Megaman Anniversary Collection for the goddam Gamecube?... And who was the genius at Microsoft, who made the D-pad absolutely the worst damn D-pad since Sony first came out with their goddam Playstation?... I can't control anything in this damn game! Some of the old timing algorithms are just plain off, but most of my crappiness is due to the goddam Xbox controller itself. And arrggh!... I can't even do Dragon punches and fireballs 75% of the time that I want to. Leaving my ass open for kicking, and my noname name to be taken...

... although I guess it is kind of impossible, to take the name of a noname whiner... but that's a story for another day...

But still, there's no denying how much I've missed all the classic Street Fighter II games... And Hyper SFII Anniversary Edition is kinda neat as well, as it allows us to pick and choose the sprites, moves, and music that we want, from any of the Street Fighter II games released... I've always hated SFII Turbo's misuse of Ryu, especially since I can never get his damn super moves to work with the D-pad. So thankfully, I can still get to choose to play as the original SFII Ryu, where his moves are so damn amazingly unbalanced, that I can really kick anyone's ass with just the fireball and hurricane kick. Nice... It bugs me to no end that I can't seem to find a way, to force the CPU to play as anything but their SFII Turbo selves. But hey, considering I would play 90% of the time in Super Street Fighter II mode anyhew (considering that game was my favourite behind SFAlpha 2)? Then I guess I don't really have much to complain about...

And really, how can I complain about Street Fighter II? The game is a classic, and single-handedly proved the SNES was cool back in the good ol' days... Sure, the sprites used look god-awful by today's standards. Sure, character animations are hilariously missing in action. And sure, Dee Jay and T-Hawk are absolutely the worst additions to the SFII world ever (and you can't shut them off from CPU usage in this game, for some damn reason)... but hey, it's still Street Fighter II. There's nothing more addicting than kicking Ken's ass with Ryu's dragon punch, or fantasizing over Chun-Li's overglossed legs, just like the good ol' days... Even the SSFII Turbo Akuma secret made it's way back into the game. How's that for old skool authenticity?...

... sigh... if only they put Shen Long back into the game too... though at least Akuma was in Resident Evil 4, but that's a story for another day...

But the real reason why I was absolutely compelled to get Street Fighter Anniversary Collection, was simply because I loved Street Fighter III: Third Impact so damn much... And thankfully for my wallet, the translation to the Xbox was even more perfect than to the Dreamcast. Minus the controls, that is...

Like it was for SFII, the stock Xbox controller is just the most awful piece of shit for 2D fighting games that I've ever endured in my life. I would rather get blisters from the Dreamcast's D-pad all over again, than miss all the dragon punches and fireballs that I do with the Xbox controller these days... I'm looking into buying an arcade pad, maybe the one that comes with Soul Calibur 2, although I'd much prefer just a SNES-quality D-pad in this generation of gaming... But at least Capcom upped the sensitivity for the Xbox controller. Motions with my thumb, even when they're incomplete, seem to register as the special moves that I want them to, at least sometimes in Anniversary Collection. While sometimes I end up doing moves that I don't want to too, at least I don't get as frustrated with Third Impact as I do with Street Fighter II up above...

But besides the controls, I was amazed at the conversion to the Xbox... Some of the sprites in this game now look low-res and outdated. But for the most part? This game, along with Zelda Wind Waker, is simply a fucking piece of timeless art... The animation from Elena, Urien, Sean, Alex, and especially (for me...) Chun-Li, is just so damn spectacular, that it still drops my jaw to the floor to this very day... And thank God for the Xbox's relatively crisp television output, because Street Fighter III on my television looks better than it ever did on my VGA monitor back when it was connected to my Dreamcast... Everything looks more hi-res now than it did before, and thank God that the music was kept intact as well. Stages such as Urien's, Chun-Li's, Hugo's, Dudley's, and even Ken's, have some of the best damn music that I've ever heard in a video game, period. And I'm just relieved that it was all kept intact in the ol' faithful translation to the Xbox...

Now, we all know that Street Fighter III wasn't the most well received game in the series, for most Street Fighter II evangelists out there at least. While I attribute that mostly to the internet age, jading gamers in ways that were impossible before, I still have to admit that a lot of the characters (Gill, Twelve, the twins, and especially Remy... goddam French... uggh...) are just plain generic clones compared to their Street Fighter 2 and Alpha counterparts... Still, there's no denying that the fighting system in Third Impact was honed to near perfection. Even if I've always hated the parry system, I just loved how the pace of the fighting was slowed back down to the point, where the strategy involved feels just as immersive as it was back in the original Street Fighter II. The game went back to the basics as far as I'm concerned, added a ton of jaw dropping animations, and finally gave Ryu back his goddam devastating Dragon Punch (that had sorely been sucking for so many games in a row...)...

Both Hyper Street Fighter II and Street Fighter III were given Xbox Live capabilities in Anniversary Collection... Now, I've never cared for Xbox Live, since a) I don't have the service, and b) I'd get my ass kicked and name taken by even 5 year olds out in the real world. But still, except for the lag I keep hearing about, the Street Fighter series would be perfect for online tournaments. Hell, I even thought this was true back in the SNES X-Band days... if only Capcom had perfected the lag and matchmaking options, then online Street Fighter really would've been just like a good ol' arcade from the good ol' days...

Even with the sweat and geek tears, I was extremely pleased with how Street Fighter III turned out on the Xbox. Except for the controls, it was superior to the Dreamcast's version in pretty much every way... And while there are definitely flaws with the translation of the old Street Fighter II games, I still enjoy kicking the ass of Zangief and E. Honda and all those old SF retards, bringing back to the light of day all those countless hours I put into my SNES copies of the game...

But there is one glaring flaw with the Street Fighter Anniversary Collection...

... because goddamit, once again... I am left with no fucking Street Fighter Alpha 2...

[c. visitors too bored to return...]
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