IvanF's IVT No-Name Brand Website (March 2009: Television, Movie and Video Gaming Reviews)

- NoName.Mycrowsoft.com -
"Where do you want to Crow today?"

- IvanF's Mycrowsoft Noname Brand Website -
- noname writing online since May 2002 -

- Welcome to IvanF's IVT No-Name Brand Website -
- noname television, film and video game reviews -

Y2kk Update: - Battlestar Galactica: Daybreak (Parts 1 and 2) Series Finale Review (Spoilers...) -

Finally, after three fucking years of goddam torture, Battleshit Galactica is finally over...

How did it come to this though? How did the series lose its way so damn badly over the course of the past three seasons? The first year was so promising with so much potential to be a true Sci-Fi take on real world issues and real personal relationships. The first season had a brilliant commander in William Adama, played to perfection every single hour by Edward James Olmos. It had a great first officer in Colonel Tigh, thrust into the role thanks to circumstance, friendship and alcohol. It had a great dynamic and wonderful chemistry between Lee and Starbuck, not just as romantic partners but as great friends who would never betray one another. President Roslin was perhaps the more endearing leader of the people as I had ever seen back in the first season, and her love for Bill Adama was simply undeniable. That first season of the show demonstrated real world people and real world problems, and it all came together with one of the best episodes of Sci-Fi I had ever seen in Hand of God (not to mention a ship full of naked Grace Parks in the season finale). So honestly, since then, what the frak happened?...

First, I'll get the good parts of Daybreak out of the way. I'll admit that I liked the battle sequences. Sure, we had to go through God knows how many god-awful and low budget bottle episodes since The Oath to save up for the series finale, but there's no disputing that Ron Moore put on a hell of a light show, probably his best since Exodus. The actual intended plan to save Hera simply because she holds hope for both the human and the Cylon races was absurd though, considering humans could simply be fine if they found a safe haven to live. But why care about such thought dribble when we got Racetrack nuking the hell out of the Cylon base with her dying breath? Even Baltar and Caprica Six got in on the action, showing a bit of that chemistry towards one another again that they had back in that fabled first season of the show. Hell, even Helo wasn't that damn useless for once in his goddam lifetime, although I really had hoped he had simply bit the bullet when all was said and done...

Character wise, there were some decent moments in Daybreak. When it came to the first episode, the only part that caught my attention was the drawing of the line and where people would volunteer to stand. It was a nice and touching moment to see where people's loyalties did lie, although like I said, I for one wouldn't have risked it all just to save a little hybrid girl that nobody really knew the true significance of. As for the Battlestar Galactica ship itself, I do like the initial send-off it was given, one final push to save humanity from the evil Cylons with a suicide mission that quite frankly, makes me partially forgive all those goddam low-budget bottle episodes from the second half of this final season. I enjoyed the first half of Daybreak and I even thought some of the shots on our "Earth" at the end were beautiful. The soundtrack was great, touching even, and the cinematography of the sights and sounds of our fair planet were brilliant in their scope yet simplicity. If only the series had ended off on that final, memorable shot of Admiral Adama sitting on the cliff in the middle of nowhere, next to the grave of the woman he loves? Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have this bitter taste in my mouth that I do...

I'm sorry though, but what the hell was Ron Moore thinking? I know I've been saying this for three fucking years now, but has he simply lost his fucking mind? What was the point of the entire ham-fisted, sledgehammer to the head epilogue at the end in modern Washington, warning us about sentient AI as if I was watching Terminator 3 all over again? Why did he think it would be a good idea to knock us out on the back of our heads with the goddam moral of the story, that Hera is so important because she is the apparent genetic ancestor to all "humans" currently on earth? I mean seriously, I didn't just hate the ending because it was completely unnecessary, pretentious and preachy as hell, and I didn't just roll my eyes because Ron Moore had perfectly ruined his finish with William Adama just a couple scenes before. I also couldn't help but gag and vomit at the prospect that every single fucking human on earth is descended from Helo the fucking Belo of a bitch of all pansy wannabes. Though dear fucking God, that certainly explains a lot about the problems with our race, I guess...

Okay, just to get history straight, first Star Wars happens, then Battlestar Galactica, then Stargate, then Star Trek will, right? Am I right?...

I feel bad for the actors and the characters on the series, if this is the send-off they got. First of all, like I mentioned before, Edward James Olmos in the first season of the show was one of the best commanding officers I have ever witnessed in a Sci-Fi series in my lifetime, and that says a lot coming from me. But here in the final season, not only had he become a complete emo pussy thanks to the impending death of the Galactica, not only was he ruined with the ick factor of lying in bed with Laura Roslin before our eyes, but here in the finale I still did not understand his true motives of suddenly wanting to go on a suicide run to save one little girl that nobody even knew would be important 150 000 years down the road. I admit though, there were some nice touches with the character that I did enjoy, namely his flight in the final Viper to launch from Galactica, and the amazing love and dedication he showed to Laura Roslin whenever they were on earth. I don't even have a problem with the notion that he would want to live in the middle of nowhere all by himself for the rest of his life, considering what he has been through over the past few years. But I can blame him for acting completely dumbass in sending Galactica and the rest of the fleet to burn up in the Sun, can't I? Seriously, so what if Galactica couldn't jump anymore? It could still be used as a steward for defence, and yet he just throws away every notion of safety and security and duty and honour for his people and principles that he has had for the past fifty years of his life? WTF?...

As for his son, Lee Adama, does anyone understand what the hell the point of that pigeon was, except as some poor man's John Woo moment for explaining his love for Kara Thrace? On the plus side, I enjoyed that some of his chemistry was back with Starbuck, even though the lying bitch disappeared on him a second later. I also enjoyed the battle sequences he was in, as I've never liked the political Lee Adama that we've gotten in a suit for the past two seasons. I don't even have a problem with him living by himself in the middle of nowhere, just like his father, as I can understand where he's coming from as a personal choice in life, especially after leaving the military for law. But just like with Admiral Adama, do I believe that Lee would ever jump the shark and just let the entire defence of the fleet float away into the Sun? Do I ever think that he would just truly be able to lay back in the grass of earth for the rest of his life after upholding the law and the principles of the Colonies for so damn long? And am I disappointed that he was such a tragic figure with no place left to go, after losing Dualla to a suicidal splash commercial and now Starbuck to bad fucking writing? I mean seriously, give the man a break, or at least a hot fucking Grace Park Cylon to tide away the time. I know the writers just love to shit all over their characters, but why have Lee choose to essentially give up on everything he has ever believed in life? Whether it's being a commander, a pilot, a lawyer, a politician, a husband or a good son, the writers just seem to ignore it all. He didn't even really have any special moments with his father in the series finale. No lighter, WTF? What the frak is up with that?...

Laura Roslin? Well, I've been very annoyed with her character for a very long time, especially after the writers fell back on old habits and simply gave her cancer again for the hell of it. She's been a whiny and insufferable character for a long time now, even dragging William Adama down with her and the ship. Now, did I enjoy the music and the emotion and the cinematography of her moments on the Raptor while viewing earth from the skies? Absolutely, I even thought her death was touching to some extent, even though the Admiral just ignored her last breath like the true pimp that he is. But I still can't get past the fact that we were forced through four years of emo, Helo-like pussy moments from her, not to mention goddam prophecies that in the end pretty much led nowhere. For the record, I actually thought it was creative that the Opera House from her visions turned out to be simply the CIC in Galactica. I personally thought that was a nice twist that not only made sense in the end, but also saved the producers a ton of money for the finale. Am I disappointed though that it turned out her role in history was something that any fucking idiot on the ship could and would have done? Yes, absolutely. Leading Hera to a stand-off in the CIC where the head Cavil simply blows out his brains out of sheer laziness and an actor's request, is not my idea of a grand prophecy coming to fruition. It honestly felt like Laura Roslin was useless to the cause, except to simply turn the once great Commander Adama into the wuss he now is. WTF?...

The two main participants when it came to the final prophecy were Caprica Six and Baltar. With all due respect, while I admit that the two had chemistry here in the series finale and even reminded me a bit of their old (and likable) season one selves, what the fuck were the writers thinking when it came to their character arcs all season long? What was the point of Caprica Six getting pregnant then losing her child, when she simply went crawling back to Baltar as soon as Tigh stopped crying in his one eye? What the hell was the point of Baltar being a leader of a group of sexy harems when it turns out he completely abandons them to be a farmer when all is said and done? I appreciate some of the callbacks that the writers did, especially when it came to his father being someone that Baltar was ashamed of. But really, even though Caprica Six and Baltar were improvements on their old season four selves here in the series finale, how can I forgive the writers when they wasted away my time with them for the past fucking season or two? What was the point of Baltar becoming president but to make fun of George Bush in the end? What was the point of Caprica Six ever supposed to be with Tigh, especially when it turns out the point of the series was to prove how special Hera was as the only Cylon child all along? I liked the whole exchange in the CIC, sure, but really, that's it? That's all that four seasons of prophecies led up to? Carrying around Hera to possibly the worst possible place where she could be safeguarded, then have Tyrol go all apeshit retarded with the added bonus of Cavil shoving one up his own fucking ass? Seriously, this is what God had planned? WTF?...

For four years, we've been told over and over again that not only has all of this happened before and all of it will happen again, but that both the Cylons and God on their side have a plan. Well, while I didn't mind the revelation of the Final Five Cylons earlier on in the season, I certainly do mind how they were used since the big reveal. What plan did they exactly have except to make a bunch of Cylon wannabes with mommy and daddy issues all along? Yes, I understand the message that Ron Moore is trying to beat us over the head with, that humans and Cylons alike are flawed, which can lead to our destruction and yadda yadda yadda. Do I really care about this message though, when apparently the destruction (or safety) of our entire race depends on Chief Tyrol pulling a WWE Rock with his eyebrows and going all Smackdown on Torri's candy-ass? Really, that's the true contribution of the Final Five, making a Cylon race that barely survives thirty years before being nuked into a black hole, and having the fate of all of humanity rest on some disgruntled engineer shoving the hottest remaining member of his entire Cylon race out of the frakking goddam window? Really, this is what God and the Cylons had planned? WTF?...

I'm sorry, but everything that happened with the Cylon race was too disjointed and too fucking random and too fucking stupid in every possible way for Ron Moore ever to be forgiven. What was the point of the Cylons taking over New Caprica, was that ever truly explained? Why did Cavil decide to nuke every single human in the 12 colonies? Seriously, simply out of spite, is that the only answer? Chasing the humans down so that never live to fight another day, that is the only reason for the last four years of all this pretentious and preachy bullshit from Cylons and Ron Moore alike? And then the final payoff is seeing Ellen Tigh and Colonel Tigh screaming like a bunch of idiots at the top of their lungs in some nudie bar while William Adama pukes all over his shirt? Really, this is what BSG considers good writing? When it comes to Saul Tigh, I like how loyal his character is to the Admiral, I like that he doesn't give a shit about his Cylon origins and simply lives his life like the man he's always been and always wants to be. I am disappointed though that as the apparent leader of the Final Five, there turned out to be no real plan and no real point for these particular five to be original Cylons, except as a cautionary tale for the 12 colonies that came way too frakking late. And I am very disappointed that he didn't have more private scenes with Admiral Adama, especially after their friendship has been the only true staple of the series for the past four years. Instead, we just got more bad remixes of Over the Watchtower. WTF?...

If there was any consolation to this episode, if there is any consolation to the entire series, it's Grace fucking Park and how much hope BSG has given me that I can simply have a hot copy of her one of these days. What I cannot stand though, is that Helo the Belo not only survived but also turned out to be my goddam ancestor. Maybe ever worse than that, if Grace Park is also my great-grandmother a million generations removed, does that mean it's wrong to frak her still? Besides all that, at least the two provided some level of action and tension in this episode, although the couple still has not shown one single iota of chemistry towards one another since they've goddam met. I guess I felt a bit happy for them at the end after they got back their daughter, but it just feels so pointless knowing that four seasons of the show led up to the entire human race saving our one little hybrid girl as "God's plan" all along. Seriously, that's all this God wanted from the entire remnants of Colonial society, not to mention the entire Cylon race as well? To save one little special girl, when couldn't the Angels just done a little miracle and made a hybrid out of any fucking human and Cylon couple after finding earth as well? Seriously, I'd gladly man up and step up to plate if only God would give me my own fucking Grace Park. Why the hell was Hera the only hybrid to ever be born and breed and survive? WTF?...

And that's what the biggest problem with the series finale and the entire goddam series was. It's not that answers weren't given to the questions at hand, it's that the answers were obviously bullshit and pulled out of a hat or an island like Lost. Seriously, why was it necessary for all of humanity to be nuked into oblivion? Because God said so. Why did the prophecies of the future all come true? Because God said so. Why is Hera so special and why is it that she became the genetic Eve for all of current humanity? Because God said so. Why the hell did all of humanity and the Cylons suddenly agree to give up all technology and knowledge and security when they don't even know if they can survive bloody hell winter on this fucking new planet of theirs? Because God fucking said so. Why was it necessary for Colonel Tigh to lose his child, why did Caprica Six go crawling back to Baltar, and why did Baltar suddenly become a farmer again after being a goddam cult leader for so frakking long? Because God (Captain Picard probably in this case) made it so. Seriously, are there any other valid answers but these? WTF?...

I feel so bad for Katee Sackoff, I really do, and I'm not just talking about Bionic Woman here. She was killed off last season as a minor plot point that nobody gave a shit about, then suddenly returned with weird psychotic visions of the universe that led them all to a fake fucking earth. What was the point in that? Then, not only does Anders become a goddam hybrid computer for some goddam fucked up reason, but Starbuck doesn't even get to have the life that we fans always envisioned she would have when all was said and done. She never got to end up romantically with Lee, she never got to have the father she wanted in Admiral Adama or the mother she needed in Laura Roslin, and she didn't even stand a chance at a normal life with Zack (as the promiscuous and only decent flashbacks of the episode seemed to rather indicate). Instead, she was simply there one moment and then poof, gone the next. And why? Seriously, why? I want to know why...

Why did Starbuck die, and why was she reincarnated randomly in some nebula? Because God said so. Why did she suddenly come back, and why did she lead everyone to her busted body back on Cylon Earth? Because God said so. Why is she the harbinger of death, why did Leoban run away from her like a scolded little child? Because God said so. Why did she know the Watchtower song, and why the frak was a current song made from modern earth stuck in her head 150 000 years ago as a set of jump coordinates to our fucking planet which the angels could have simply just sent the fleet to at any fucking random point in time? Pfft, naturally, because God said so. And why the hell did Starbuck simply vanish into mid-air like some Jesus Christ type figure the moment that she felt her job was done? Well, duh, because God said so...

God has a plan? To what exactly, have Cavil blow his brains out and let Helo inherit the Earth? WTF?

Humanity has a plan? To what, honestly? To all die of starvation and get mauled by wildlife? WTF?

The Cylons have a plan? To what, seriously? To sleep with everyone they can find? I say again, WTF?

Thank God that's all I hear now. All Along the Watchtower, nothing but the rain.

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Hex small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Wow. I had forgotten the feeling. An actual Smallville episode that put a genuine smile on my face all hour long?...

"Chlois? As in, we got Chloe as Lois Lane, and it was actually good? WTF?... The only thing better would have been Chloe in Lois Lane. Godammit, make it happen..."

I was actually very surprised, impressed and entertained by Clark and Chloe's Hexcellent Adventure. It was a good comedy episode that was great at moving forward the mythology and character arcs of the series as well. In fact, I'd even claim that this was Tom Welling's best episode all season long in terms of acting and character development. He was hilarious as the clueless reporter, standing on the roof of the Daily Planet, completely oblivious to all his acoustic powers. I even laughed when he first picked up the phone to dial 911, even though I figured it was coming. By no stretch of the imagination is Clark Kent a genius on this planet, and the character works so much better (kind of sadly, actually) when the writers use that to their advantage. Beyond all the great comedic timing here in Hex though, I was very impressed how Clark Kent essentially flew at the end with his leap above the tall building. It was a big step up (no pun intended) for the start of Superman, to finally realize that there is purpose to his existence that he simply could not live without. And what made it great was that the whole atmosphere of the episode was both comedic and epic enough, that the moral of the story was subtle for the most part yet still shined through so well...

I would actually argue that this was Chloe's best episode this season, both in terms of Allison Mack and Erica Durance. First, I've got to admit that Allison Mack looked absolutely adorable for the first time in ages (although she was evil-cute as Brainiac in a wedding dress during the writhing, ahem, exorcism scene). And her smile when she finally decided within herself that she no longer wanted the Daily Planet sort of life was absolutely infectious and remarkable. She was glowing at that point, and I'm not just talking about the special effects of the magical transformation. Even though Allison Mack didn't have that many moments on screen as herself, every second that she was there was eventful and memorable. Whether she was blowing out a birthday candle while feeling extra reflective on her birthday (a feeling I honestly do share so damn well with her character every single year), or revving her Bluetooth up to the sound of badass "Over the Watchtower" music, this was perhaps Chloe's best done episode all season long in terms of proper character development and delivery. And oh, did I mention that Jimmy the Bimmy was nowhere to be found? Thank the Lords of Kobol for that...

The biggest props of the episode have to go to Erica Durance though. Now I admit, did I really see her as Allison Mack or Chloe? That's a yes and a no. She didn't really play the body-switch role to perfection, but she definitely had a few moments of pure Chloe-ism, especially when she claimed she wasn't "dwelling" on Tom Welling and the phone messages he answered to Lois. What I will admit though, is that Erica Durance was positively adorable in everything she did in this episode, so much so that I actually prefer this Chlois of hers over the Lois Lane we've gotten for years. Whether it was the patented Chloe lip bite that's absolutely irresistible, or whether it was Erica Durance looking so helpless and confused even when crossing the street a traffic light, there was just something about Chlois here that had even more of a spark and chemistry with Clark Kent than anyone else. I for one wouldn't mind if the writers decided to integrate a bit more of this Chloe feeling into Lois Lane next year, if only to give me a new favourite girl on the block to watch in season nine...

As for the actual starring villainess of the episode, if she can be considered that? Zatanna was very well done compared to what I initially feared in the episode synopsis. In the comic books, she's arguably even more powerful than Superman, considering she can alter reality on pretty much every conceivable level when she's in a good or horny mood. Her timing in Smallville couldn't have been better, especially considering fishnet stockings are finally back in style and they certainly looked great on the actress during the birthday wish scene. Now, do I wish that she didn't make Oliver Queen look like a complete idiot and pansy for the umpteenth time in season eight? Sure, I guess, but the two definitely did share a bit of passion together that Oliver has never had with Lois or even the Black Canary on the show. The phone number scene at the end was probably one of Oliver's best moments all season long, and you could almost feel a bond (or bondage) between the both of them when she screamed out the words, "bound by chains", backwards for magical sake. She did it all with a savoury smile...

I liked Zatanna, and I enjoyed her even more when it came to her chemistry with Oliver Queen. I'd like to see her character come back, especially considering she honestly brought out the best in every single character on the series. Tom Welling became funny, Chloe was confident and adorable, Chlois was absolutely irresistible, and Jimmy the Bimmy was nowhere to be found. Wow, talk about a Hexcellent goddam miracle...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Turbulence small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Apparently after smooth sailing though the start of the season of Smallville, Lana Lang's brief return has definitely caused some goddam fucking turbulence for the show...

Now, I guess I won't say this episode was bad, per say. No wait, on second thought, I think I definitely will...

"Wow, Jimmy is so badass. First he gets his ass beat by his wife, then he fearlessly runs a red light to the sound of emo rock? WTF?"

The mile high club between Clark Kent and Tess Mercer was alright, I actually didn't have a problem with that half of the episode. What definitely did go wrong though was, just when we thought we had gotten rid of all the trash on the series (Lana Lang, I'm looking at you, since looks were all you were good for), that's when Jimmy the fucking Bimmy had to make his triumphant return. And wow, what a return it was, having the episode center around stalking Davis Bloome as if we gave a shit if Jimmy had his heart ripped open yet again. Now granted, there were some bittersweet moments here and there, and to be honest, the break-up scene between Jimmy and Chloe as newlyweds was a bit heart-breaking. Or should I say, it was heart-breaking only because I wish the two had never gotten married in the first place. Sure, I feel bad for Allison Mack, but only because she was forced into this ridiculous romance on the series. Was it wrong for me to laugh as she cried? WTF?...

The Doomsday parts themselves weren't so bad, but I definitely could've done without the season seven-esque musical montage crap in the rain. I admit though, it's a somewhat interesting plotline, how Davis is trying to contain the beast within by murdering those who obviously weren't on the right side of the law. His idea of being a good man, of feeling human, runs completely opposite to that of everything that Clark Kent stands for, and from that perspective, I think Davis is a decent character. But I'm sorry, I'm tired of the little high school romantic triangle between him, Chloe and Jimmy the fucking Bimmy. First of all, how the fuck could Jimmy ever win the heart of a girl as amazing as Chloe? Second, why the hell does Chloe still have feelings for Davis when she no longer has Brainiac running through her system? Please tell me she hasn't become as dumb as Clark was in all seven previous seasons, because she must have figured out by now that something was wrong with Davis. Hell, just the episode before in an alternate timeline, her throat was being ripped to shreds by Doomsday, and yet now she seems to be hugging and harbouring him like he's her second chance at a wonderful life with Clark? I'm sorry, but I just don't know if I can buy it. I expect more from the character of Chloe after all these years...

But probably the biggest downside of Turbulence (besides Jimmy being in it, of course) was the fact that Lois was nowhere to be found, and once again the writers were wasting an opportunity to develop the dynamic and chemistry between her and Clark. On the bright side though, besides Allison Mack's warming and giddy smile, Tess Mercer really did look smoking hot in whatever she wore in this episode. Now, I know the writers aren't going to let Clark Kent get together with his red-headed boss or anything, even though technically Lois seems temporarily out of the picture, but I'd be lying if there wasn't some sort of chemistry between the both of them already. Well, personally, I'd prefer Lois and Chloe shacking up with Tess Mercer instead, but since that unfortunately doesn't seem to be in the cards for this series either, I guess we'll have to deal with horrible script lines about child abuse as I simply can't help but stare at how fucking hot Tess' hair looked in the mansion...

Clark Kent? Well, he's an idiot, as usual. Now sure, I guess I can't blame him for trusting such a hot woman who quite honestly, has a lot of the zest and assertiveness that Lois Lane does as well. But why on earth he pulled a Lana Lang and was too lazy to use his superspeed to actually check on the parachute situation, I will never know. How the hell Tess Mercer could even survive in his arms as Clark Kent fell to earth with a giant thud is beyond me as well. And why Clark keeps ignoring Chloe, smiling and staying oblivious to the fact that his best friend is having the worst day of her life (for the week, at least), leading her into the BSG arms of goddam Doomsday is also beyond me. I mean seriously, what the fuck is wrong with the guy? Clark Kent has feelings for Lois, that's great, I actually do like their banter and relationship. But seriously, when a drunken Tess Mercer is begging for your trust and a lonely and desperate Chloe is clinging to your comfort, don't you think any real hero of a man would've fucking stepped up and done the only human thing possible? Should I start calling him Clark the Kimmy or something? WTF?...

I was not a fan of this episode. Suffice to say, the writers wrote themselves through some serious mental blocks and turbulence along the way...

Even so? Please, let this be the end of Jimmy the Bimmy. Please let Doomsday do us all a favour and go Infamous on his ass...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Infamous small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

With Lana Lang gone for good, I thought that Smallville would finally get back on track...

... but perhaps due to the infamous bitter Lana Lang aftertaste, obviously I was wrong...

"Clark Kent spends eight years going through hell to keep his secret identity... yet one conversation later, he's living like a rock star? WTF?"

Now granted, I do get the point of this episode. Infamous was meant to prove exactly why Clark needs a secret identity, as the "Red-Blur Blur" seems to have provided on this Smallville series so far. But did we really need such a ridiculous plot here in Infamous for Clark to realize exactly what Oliver Queen and the entire Justice League already discovered so long ago, and what Clark himself has been saying for eight frickin' seasons by now? Public opinion is so often based on fear, and he's mentioned that practically every single week that he's tried to cover up his goddam identity. Yet one little conversational threat from Linda Lake is all it takes for him to fully go public and allow his farm to get shot full of bullet-holes that he himself could have caught with his hands if he wasn't so lazy? What kind of idiot is he? And where the hell was Martha Kent to bitchslap his boy back down to earth? WTF?...

Now sure, there were moments that I did like about Infamous, but most of them belonged to the Lois Lane and Clark dynamic that may soon disappear if the cafe stand-up at the end was any indication. Probably one of the most iconic scenes in the season came when Lois was lifted high into the air by Clark and remarked that she shouldn't call him "Smallville" anymore. After that, there were a lot of scenes shared between the both of them that hopefully will make me forever forget the bitter aftertaste of that goddam Chun-Li wannabe of a Lana Lang. The problem was, the rest of the episode featuring Clark at his absolute dumbest was simply too much for me to goddam handle. Why couldn't he trust Lois with his secret after time was reversed again? Is it because he thought she would oust his secret identity? Because I personally didn't get that impression much myself. Yes, she wants the world to know who he is, and yes she wanted him to stand up for what is right. But I seriously doubt that she would go behind his back and against his wishes to expose his identity if he ever did come out to her again, and obviously both of them felt the emotional positives of at least letting her in on his goddam secret. So why exactly did he stand her up at the end? WTF?...

Chloe was barely in the episode, but Allison Mack can make almost any scene salvageable with simply her smile. I wish she had actually put up a more convincing argument against Clark coming out to the public media than she did, but at least she looked cute as hell while doing so. The series has definitely leaned more towards the Lois and Clark dynamic this season than anything else, and that's a good thing as far as I'm concerned. Chloe meanwhile keeps drifting deeper and deeper into the dark side of the force, first with the Brainiac stuff and now with Davis Bloome. I'm curious what will happen to her character next, although considering how Clark was apparently in too much of a rush to time travel to even wait five fucking seconds to figure out Doomsday's identity, I'm sure that Chloe's days are numbered now that she's not the number one pal in Superman's life anymore...

Infamous had a lot of potential, and it even 'shocked' me at one point when I thought Clark had committed murder near the end to protect his name. Of course, conveniently as has happened a billion times in the past, the person threatening to expose the boy wonder's secret is always killed right afterwards by some random plot contrivance, in this case Davis Bloome. I'm sorry, along with this happy coincidence, I just couldn't take an episode seriously where Clark Kent was too dumb to realize the consequences of his identity being exposed, especially after all he's been through for the past eight fucking years. I couldn't take how the writers' cock-blocked the Lois and Clark dynamic all over again, simply because he's too stupid to trust her with his secret, even though I thought she proved that she'd be loyal to him to the end. And even though I'm not against reset buttons or anything, having the time travel ring from the future as an escape hatch was kind of bitterly grating. Felt like lazy writing more than anything else, if only because there were a lot more advantages to that ring than just smashing it after one bad choice...

Now I'm sure Infamous will go down in history as being very important to the birth of Superman, and that's a good thing...

... but when it comes to the actual episode itself? I wish my own memory could be goddam reset...

Y2kk Update: - Battlestar Galactica: Islanded in a Stream of Stars Review (Spoilers...) -

Wow, just when you thought Ron Moore couldn't come up with a more pretentious title for an episode? He outdoes himself yet again...

Really, what was the point of Islanded in a Stream of Stars? Was it supposed to invoke some sort of patriotism over the Galactica with the Star Spangled Banner or some shit like that? Do we even care that ship is falling apart anymore, especially after God knows how many emo scenes of Adama breaking down? I mean honestly, we get it, he cares about the ship too damn much, and even Roslin knows he loves it more than he does herself. But must we be subjected to the same tired cliche bullshit week after week, making Adama into anything but the goddam badass that he was back in season one? I mean seriously, when Helo Ballard of all fucking angsty bastards has a more memorable moment than even Edward James Olmos in terms of nervous breakdowns, you know something just ain't right...

I will admit that Islanded in a Stream of Stars was better than the previous two episodes. Does that really mean anything though when the writers have completely wasted this final stretch of Battlestar episodes? Where's the epic arc we were promised, where's the pay-off for suffering through four seasons of the show? Instead, all we got was a flashback to season one emo moments, with Kara Thrace giving a slap to the good doctor like the good ol' days. But why the hell did Baltar talk about her reincarnation at the funeral though, it felt so damn forced and out of place. I know he wants to gain more and more influence and support in the fleet with his random ramblings, but wouldn't people just assume that Kara was another Cylon from earth that nobody knew about or some crap like that? How is she proof of life after death for humanity, and how the hell is her existence supposed to help his cause when I thought he was already more powerful by getting a bunch of bigger guns for some goddam reason? None of his storylines have made sense for the past season of the show, and Islanded in a Stream of Stars was definitely no exception. WTF?...

Tyrol was nowhere to be found. I heard one of his scenes was cut, but even so, it's just inexcusable how there really was no fallout after what he did last week in releasing Boomer. Why didn't we see goddam angtsy Helo beating the crap out of the former Chief, after beating the hell out of you know what now that Grace fucking Park won't even have angry sex with him anymore. Meanwhile, it seems that Boomer over by the suddenly announced Cylon homeworld is having second thoughts about kidnapping the whiny kid she had to babysit long ago. Now sure, it's not like her turnaround felt completely forced and out of place, the Eight models have always been known for never sticking by a decision except when it deals with sex. I just wish the writers didn't make these scenes so unbearably boring to watch though, that's all. Once again, we were subjected to the projection of her house back on Picon, where everything is go-happy and horny. I understand what the writers are trying to achieve, but they're doing a horrible job in the process. Battlestar used to be about the hard but realistic choices in life, a modern drama simply set in the backdrop of space. But thanks to additions like Cylon basestar interiors and goddam projection, the show now feels like nothing more than yet another generic piece of fantasy cannon fodder, a soap opera that probably belongs more in the teenage realm of Twilight than anything else. What the hell happened?...

Do I even need to talk about the rest of the characters who were islanded in a stream of shit this episode? Anders was now forced into a role where he spews nothing but random hybrid bullshit about Kara still being the harbinger of death. Colonel Tigh got to raise one eyebrow and look even more confused with the next. Torri had one great scene where she made serious faces at the camera without saying a word, I was so very impressed with that. Roslin got read to by Adama for the umpteenth time, except he didn't even sound like he had his heart into it as he mumbled the words through his sobs for Galactica. Lee and Starbuck got to share a moment, but all was forgotten as soon as Thrace went back to Anders and any real emotional impact that this episode had was ruined by the pure fantasy, sci-fi bullshit that Anders fed out. I'm sorry, but I just don't find Battlestar Galactica to be a compelling story about the human condition anymore. Nothing feels appropriate or believable in the context of the characters or the series any goddam longer. It had so much potential back in the first season, so what the frak happened?...

How many hours of Battlestar Galactica are left? Three? That's not a lot of time to redeem itself. That's not a lot of time at all. As far as I'm concerned? Ron Moore and the writers have left us all islanded in a bullstream of goddam Galactica bullshit. The fourth season of the show has sadly been perhaps their biggest disappointment to date, and that's saying a hell of a lot...

I feel so embarrassed for the actors and the audience above all else, I really do. But I'm willing to give the series one last chance. I'm willing to give the show one last finale for redemption...

Not like I'm giving myself much of a choice here. I suffered through three terrible seasons of the show, why not three hours more?...

... I'm loyal to a fault, even going so far to strand myself on this goddam island one last time...

Y2kk Update: - Battlestar Galactica: Someone to Watch Over Me Review (Spoilers...) -

Someone to watch over me? You know, I wish somebody was hired to actually watch over Ron Moore and his writers, to make sure they weren't producing the Battlestar bullshit that they are. I mean, was Someone to Watch Over Me a decent episode? Maybe, in another season perhaps. Was it worthy or even meaningful when it comes to the final arc of the goddam series? Please, don't make me laugh...

And that's pretty much the crux of things. When was the last time BSG made me laugh? When was the last time it made me feel an emotional tug? Back in the first season, I would snicker at every moment with Head Six in Baltar's brain, and feel something real everything Lee and Starbuck had a scene together. I will admit, parts of Someone to Watch Over Me were touching between Kara and the vision of a piano player who we're supposed to guess is her father...

We're also supposed to link two and two together and surmise that perhaps the Daniel that Ellen talked about a couple episodes ago was somehow Starbuck's father, and that perhaps Starbuck is special by being a hybrid child. Then again, that doesn't answer how she's the destroyer of humanity (unless it means she's the first of a new race to replace humanity), that doesn't explain how she got to earth or how she found her body there, and it certainly doesn't explain why the frak she was so messed up at the start of the season. I get it, Hera and Starbuck are both linked to the same godly source that presented us with Head Six in the first couple seasons of the show. So what, where does that get us now? Battlestar Galactica really hasn't explained anything more than fucking Lost has, it just keeps force feeding us more and more questions simply because that's what writers do to keep far too forgiving viewers on a goddam leash...

Like I said though, there were a few touching moments between Kara and her father, namely the little gaze and graze on the cheek he gave her at the end of their duet. And the return of "Over the Watchtower" had some significance, although it doesn't explain anything as to why a real modern song made it to a Cylon earth, or why this music is so damn important in the grand scheme of things. As for the rest of the episode? Well, we had Tigh whining about his lost child, a kid I had already forgotten even existed on the show thanks to the pure shittiness of Deadlock. We had an Ellen Tigh that was neither evil nor useful, as once again the writers completely frakked and wasted a golden opportunity to reveal more of the mythos behind the Cylons and the series. Torri was pretty much as comatose as Anders was, as the writers have completely wasted away her character since she thankfully got rid of Cally on the goddam show. And were we supposed to give a shit about Admiral Adama crying foul over his lost Battlestar Galactica yet again? Yes, he loves the vessel and would probably rather go down with it than get down with Laura Roslin ever again, I get it. But did we really need the umpteenth, generic, deja vu shot of the ship being repaired by a constipated chief, the same cycled Cylon bullshit that we already got as the main course of the hour back in goddam Deadlock? WTF?...

Then we had Chief Tyrol being a complete fucking pussy-whipped idiot. Considering the girl in question is Grace fucking Park, I guess I can hardly blame him, though in this case I definitely will blame the writers. Not only does he leave Boomer completely unsupervised after basically killing another cute Eight and leaving the body in the cell (how did he pull that off anyways?), not only does he blindly trust that the woman that has been a complete bitch for the past three seasons would never have an ulterior motive, but he somehow was left still absolutely clueless as to what the frak happened after it was all said and done? So what, he didn't even bother to check if everything went fine since he was so happy in his little Cylon Picon projection world? Really, he's that naive after everything that has happened to him in life, from Boomer first, to Cally, to having his son taken away from him since he was never really his? We're supposed to feel sorry for this fucking idiot, who has become so fucking lost and useless on the series that we might as well call him Kate or Hugo from now on? WTF?...

The only true plus of this episode? That we got a fucking hot scene in the showers of Grace fucking Park moaning her ass off. The bad side of things? We got fucking Helo in the same fucking shot, being the lucky son of a bitch to make her moan. Then again, coming full circle, what's hotter than Grace Park getting fucked in absolute ecstasy, than Grace fucking Park watching herself grab and gasp in goddam writhing pleasure? Really, how can I fucking complain then? It was the only saving grace of the goddam episode, or I guess two saving graces and one Saving Private Ryan, might I add...

When it comes to Grace Park in that fucking shower? Now that's someone I'd like to watch over me. She can even be the one on top...

But as for the rest? Someone to Watch Over Me wasn't bad per say compared to the rest of the lackluster season so far. But considering it's the third final episode of the entire fucking BSG series? Seriously, where has all the potential gone? Where has all the laughter and heart and goddam emotion that I felt from the first season of show fucking disappeared to? WTF?...

I'm disappointed in Ron Moore. I thought the final five episodes would be something worth watching...