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Wednesday, June 5th, 2002

Y2kk Update: Since I procrastinated all weekend long and haven't even started my lab due in a few days, I'd better keep this update short... Then again, I guess procrastination isn't all bad. I finally found to urge and the free time to call my so-called best friend the other day, but I think I'll leave that update for a rainy day, or maybe for my download site if I've got nothing better to write on the weekend.

So has anything happened in the life of IvanF? Not at all, although I did catch Sum of All Fears with my friend on Saturday, so I might as well give a mini-review of it right here. Personally, the movie was better than I first anticipated, but that still didn't make it a movie I enjoyed. The pacing was far better than most other military movies I watched, and it didn't suffer from the same horrible script writing that plagued U-571. However, although I have to give kudos to Tom Clancy for making sure his novel had realistic weapons, realistic enemies, and a realistic CIA hierarchy, I think he went over the top just a little bit with the whole plot in the end. Although the nuclear explosion over Baltimore was a nice effect to watch, it really didn't help the movie very much in my opinion. First of all, it's Baltimore, so why the hell should we care? Second, maybe I'm wrong about this, but I thought that one of the ways that a military movie becomes a cult favourite was not just by convincing its audience that the premise could happen in reality, but that it's already happened in reality. Great military movies such as Full Metal Jacket and Saving Private Ryan all yield the same feeling that the events in the movie actually took place in real life, although the writers can't admit the classified truth or they'd be shot... And although I've never read a Tom Clancy book, I know that his computer games (Rainbow Six, Rogue Spear, and Ghost Recon) all have the feeling that these same missions could be happening elsewhere in the world at the very time you're playing them... However, as soon as Baltimore got nuked halfway through the movie, this feeling of reality completed shifted into becoming just another summer holiday blockbuster. I thought I was watching Armageddon all over again, because if memory serves me right, I don't think Paris was ever hit by an asteroid, and Baltimore was never nuked in real life... Now, call me nick-picky if you'd like, but I'm just calling the shots as I see them. Yes, it's very possible that a US city can be nuked by a terrorist sometime in the future, but because it hasn't happened yet (unless you count September 11th as a nuking), it loses a lot of credibility for the film... And although I found the scenes where the president was fleeing Baltimore to be rather provocative, his later scenes and those of the Russian President were too stereotypical for my tastes. Now, I've never worked for the highest level of the US government aboard Air Force One, so for all I know, maybe Tom Clancy got all the ICBM launch talk right. But from my point of view, and maybe this is what Tom Clancy wanted, both the US and Russian presidents were being complete MTV jackass idiots with their nuclear launch codes. I mean, neither of them really bothered to pause for a second and realize that they didn't have all the facts to the situation at hand, and after listening to recordings of JFK during the Cuban Missile Crisis, I don't think this kind of stupidity can actually happen with all the Mutually Assured Destruction crap going around. The US nuked Japan because there was no fear of retaliation, but that's not true about its cold war enemy of Russia, and that's why I couldn't stand most of the last half of Sum of All Fears in comparison to Thirteen Days, whose only faults lied in its boring realism and the fact it had Kevin Costner with a bad accent in it... "Don't get shot at... Just don't get shot at"... heh... I had no clue what Costner was trying to say, and neither did the pilot, but I digress...

Anyhew, there was a couple things I really did enjoy in this Tom Clancy movie: two subtle scenes between Ben Affleck and his doctor of a girlfriend. The first time he told her he was CIA, her reaction was priceless. "That's so lame" she said, and hung up the phone, while poor Ben looked over his shoulder and saw Morgan Freeman laughing at him... And the other touching scene in the end, when the Russian informant somehow knew about Affleck's marital engagement, even though poor Been hadn't told anyone yet... It was these two subtle forms of humanity that saved this movie from being just another stereotypical shove in the government's face, although yes, I do realize Tom Clancy had the US government's full support for this movie... Anyhew, I've ranted enough for one day. I'll call it quits here, and I'll post below the first fifth or something of the Star Trek Enterprise: Season One Episode Review I've posted in the TV section of this website. Try to enjoy, although I doubt anyone will ever read this:

"Bare with me for a while, because this is the first time I've ever officially reviewed an Enterprise season, or even an Enterprise episode for that matter... I guess I can't be blamed for being nervous or anything. I mean, Star Trek is my life, and I'd hate myself if I didn't do its episodes justice in this year-end review. Short story short, I'm seeing real potential in Enterprise. When I first heard of a new Star Trek series going back to the roots, back to an era where the Federation didn't even exist, I was rather suspicious at first... Pardon the pun, but I had a serious lack of faith in the heart at the time, and it was quite a shocker to me half way through this first Enterprise season, when I finally realized that to me, this fifth Star Trek series has been the best series yet since I first fell in love with Star Trek: The Next Generation.

I'm sure we know how and when my first love of Star Trek began. I used to hate the series with a passion. I was a nerd, and the worst thing I could possibly do to my self-esteem was get involved in that insane Trekkie cult I had been made fun of so damn much... But back in Grade 4 or Grade 5 or something, I remember being in mother's room, flipping through the channels like any good little man would do, and lo and behold, I saw this ridiculous show with a bald captain and a ship that looked like a swan... Not realizing what I was getting into, I decided to give this show the benefit of a doubt and watch it all the way through, and God, am I thankful enough to have been stupid enough to do that... The episode I was watching was Best of Both Worlds Part 1, and as any Trek fan would know, this first invasion by the Borg was arguably the best television any Star Trek series has ever made. It definitely ranks at the top of my list of episodes to date, and was it luck or what that the only day I was willing to put up with all that Star Trek crap, was the day the best episode ever was aired on TV?... there's probably a conspiracy around this... it was almost too convenient that my favourite cliffhanger of any show of all time, just happened to be on that one afternoon by the television... it was almost too easy...

Suffice to say, I've seen a lot of great Star Trek Episodes since then, and also a lot of letdowns as well. I loved Yesterday's Enterprise, where the Enterprise D had to send the Enterprise C back to the past, and I didn't even know who Tasha Yar was back then... Then again, I was thoroughly disappointed in Time's Arrow, the episode where Data's sent back in time and meets Mark Twain, and I just couldn't muster up the excitement to cheer when Beverly Crusher of all people destroyed the Borg ship in Part 2 of Descent... And then of course, there was a period of mourning after All Goods Things aired and I was left with that horrible show Deep Space 9. The first two seconds of that new series was simply horrendous, except for Emissary which I still haven't seen in full to this day... However, although I did get tired of many of the long running arcs on Deep Space 9, its personalities and characterization have yet to be matched in any Star Trek series since. And who could forget such timeless Trek classics as Way of the Warrior (the return of Worf) and the Sacrifice of Angels, the episode with an epic space battles that can rival a Star Wars movie anyday... I was rather let down by What You Leave Behind, the schizophrenic-like finale of Deep Space 9, and once again, I was sent into another morbid state of Trekdom when I was left with nothing but that horrible series of Star Trek Voyager... Things began to pick up for the series after a while, though. The Scorpion Cliffhanger, the brilliant episode where the Borg are being destroyed by Species 8472, ranks second on my list of favourite Star Trek Episodes of all time, right behind Best of Both Worlds. And although Voyager could never match the quality of that episode (especially after ruining the Borg with all those Seven episodes and Unimatrix Zero), I still did enjoy parts of Dark Frontier (although it was ridiculous how the Delta Flyer could take on the whole Borg Collective), and I did feel that Endgame was a rather decent finale (although the Queen's death was unnecessary), and by that logic, Voyager has been the only series with a final episode worthy of the rest of its own episodes... and, well... Short story short, my brief history of IvanF's Star Trek in time has now led me to the new series that's still finding its grounding: Star Trek Enterprise.

So let's run by history here... The Next Generation had an awful pilot episode, although the trial by Q all worked well in the end with All Good Things... Deep Space Nine had a killer introduction with Sisko losing his ship at Wolf 359 to Locutus of Borg, a sequence I still haven't been able to see, but I have seen the second half of that DS9 pilot, and it certainly did not do the Dominion Wars to follow justice... And as for Voyager? The pilot was absolutely atrocious! Besides some cool effects with the Caretaker's shockwave and everything, the whole plotline with the Ocampa and the non-threatening Kazon or whatever, was a horrible way to start off the new series in a new quadrant... So let's face facts here, that I wasn't exactly looking forward to the first episode of the new series Enterprise. I was sure that the series would pick up by its third season and everything, with the war with the Romulans finally beginning and the conflict with the Klingons finally brewing, but was I interested in the first season at all?... After watching Endgame and realizing how horrible of a series Voyager was as a whole, I almost felt like my love of Star Trek was gone...

But alas, even the hourglass is forced to follow the laws of something... or... um, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'll never lose faith in the heart again... I sadly missed the first five minutes of the Star Trek pilot. I wanted to concentrate on university and not on some Trek series that was going to flop as badly as Voyager did in the critics' eyes... However, I couldn't stop my brother from taunting me, and flipping to the new show the night of the pilot episode, Broken Bow. And, um... wow, I sure have a lot of will power... I just dropped my homework then and there, and sat in front of the TV the rest of the night as my brother just kept laughing at me for dumping all my morals... Because that's right, I have no scruples when it comes to Star Trek... and, well..."

Read the rest of the relatively long season review at: http://ivanf.150m.com/ivanf-editorials-enterpriseseason01.htm 

Wednesday, May 29th, 2002

Y2kk Update: Well, E3, the biggest show of the year when it comes to video games (and yet barely any console fans know about it), is finally over, and I have mixed reactions about what we all saw and witnessed. I'm a bit disappointed that there were no real surprise announcements at E3, but it's not like you can blame the video game companies for that. Just like it is with Buffy Wilfreed and Smackdown Wrestling spoilers, it's all the internet's fault. All the console price cuts were forced to be announced before E3, the Nintendo pamphlet was somehow released early, a bunch of PS2 games were leaked by inside sources a few weeks prior to the show, and yadda yadda yadda, you get the picture. But all in all, the lack of surprises actually helped Microsoft's and Nintendo's showings, because it allowed the net to concentrate on the actual games themselves and not on what the company had in store for online gaming or the future or whatever... But alas, I'm not sure if I can say the same thing for the PS2 and the darling PC. Call me bias if you will, but I simply was not impressed with these two platform's showings.

Take my opinion with a grain of salt since I've never been a big Playstation fan, but besides Shinobi, Ratchet and Clank, Kingdom Hearts, and maybe Contra: Shattered Soldier or whatever, I couldn't find any game of interest in PS2's E3 line-up. As for the PC, sure I was wowed by the incredible footage of Doom 3 and Unreal II, but where's the playable games? Where's the hands-on experience of the Sims Online, No One Lives Forever 2, Star Wars Galaxies, Age of Mythology, and Unreal Tournament 2003? Sure they had Warcraft 3 and Soldier of Fortune 2, but since those games are coming out in about a month, they don't exactly count... And the same goes for the X-box, which is many people's opinions stole the E3 show. I must admit that I was highly impressed with Microsoft's "mature" line-up of Panzer Dragoon Orta, Ninja Gaiden, Blinx, Splinter Cell, Metal Gear Solid Substance, Counterstrike, Shenmue II, Dead to Rights, and of course, everybody's bump mapped favourite, Dead or Alive Xtreme Volleyball... But as I said before, where's the playable games? Halo 2 was barely mentioned, Morrowind is out for the PC and yet was no where found for the X-box, and the same goes for the highly anticipated Project Ego RPG. Hell, some gamers actually wanted Panzer Dragoon to be named game of E3, when it wasn't even in playable form! And although I must admit that Blinx's hard drive, time-warping concept is very intriguing to me, I also heard it suffers from Sonic Adventure like horrible camera angles... and considering I nearly ripped apart my Sonic Adventure Dreamcast game out of crap camera frustration (I once died twenty times in a row just from some stupid camera angle), that can't exactly be a good thing for business... hell, that can't be good for anybody... But nevertheless, unlike the PS2 and PC, the Xbox line-up did impress me. And if rumours are true that Microsoft and Activision will soon gulp up my beloved Rare company, that I may have no choice in the near future but to pick up a X-box with Halo on the side...

But of course, the greatest story of them all for a NES and SNES fanboy like me, was the incredible Nintendo Gamecube showing that, um, stole the show... Super Mario Sunshine got rave reviews for not simply being a rehash of Super Mario 64 and Luigi's Mansion like many internet critics feared. Wario World was not in playable form I do believe, but it's unique platform ideas caught the attention of many gamers. Star Fox Adventures was not hailed as revolutionary, but news reporters who played it hands-on claimed it had the right feel to truly do the Star Fox legacy justice. And we all know about Metroid Prime, don't we? Just one month ago, news sites everywhere were blasting this game for ruining the Metroid 2d franchise, just like how fans cried out when Nintendo first brought Mario to 3d... and as we all remember, Mario 64 was hailed as the greatest game of all time, until Zelda 64 came along that is, and some are already saying that Metroid Prime could be the next to achieve all that. Hell, the only two real competitors for game of E3 were Metroid Prime and Doom 3, and Doom 3 shouldn't count since it wasn't in playable form... And my God, Zelda... My God, the Legend of Zelda!... if it wasn't for those controversial graphics and "kiddish" look of Link, the godsend gameplay and the completely ungodly animation for goddam sure would've earned it game of E3, if not the title of the greatest game of all time, period... And as for third party games? Star Wars: Clone Wars is shaping up to be a good hit, although I'm not so sure how that Jedi Outcast port will fare with a Gamecube controller... Phantasy Star Episodes I and II look like they could provideincentive enough to bring Japanese RPG players back to the Nintendo realm, and although I wasn't a big fan of Super Monkey Ball, its sequel looks to be yet another sleeper hit. I didn't get to see much of Turok Evolution, The Matrix, or 007 Nightfire, but I did catch some glimpses of Timesplitters 2, and although the game still doesn't seem Goldeneye worthy to me, I can also see some of that old Doctor Doak charm in that new title of his...

And the only real disappointment of Nintendo's showing at E3? That there was no Mario Kart GC, no Mario Tennis GC, no Mario Golf GC, no Super Smash Bros sequel, and that Mario Party 4 seemed like just another rehash of the famed multiplayer series... and no Earthbound sequel! Goddammit, I want an Earthbound sequel! Or at least another Paper Mario or Mario RPG... And as for Namco, they showed a bit of their upcoming F-Zero game, but nothing concrete. And both Tales of Phantasia and the Star Fox arcade were both missing... I was also disappointed at all the poor reviews that WWE Wrestlemania X8. It turns out that this AKI No-Mercy like "grapple" game is yet another Yuke Smackdown arcade game... but as bad of a flavour as that leaves in my mouth, I'm still going to buy that game as soon as it comes out, simply because I've just got to do the Spinaroonie with Booker T, and kick Goldust out of the NWO... Resident Evil 0 didn't get rave reviews either. Some critics claimed the moving pre-rendered backgrounds were a great step up from Resident Evil Remake's lifeless walls and windows, but quite a few internet critics couldn't help but laugh at the poor designs of the zombies and lead characters. And as for Eternal Darkness... it kinda hurt when I read all those lousy reviews about their hands-on impressions of the game, and why? Because none of those reviewers seemed to notice that the Eternal Darkness demo they were playing was a completely stripped down version of the game. There was no fluid body movement, the textures were not updated, there was no insanity meter, and the demo didn't even feature many of the game's key characters, so of course the game would seem like it sucks... And who's fault is this? The critics, for not checking their info before their write, and both Nintendo's and Silicon Knight's, for displaying such a crappy, playable demo at the biggest video game show of the year... But the biggest disappointment of then all? Where the hell is Rare? Sure they showed Star Fox Adventures, but where's Banjo Treeie? Where's Diddy Kong Racing? Where's Conker's Other Bad Fur Day? Where's Kameo? Where's my goddam Perfect Dark Zero?... After Rare didn't say a word at E3, I'm not so sure if they're really going to stay with Nintendo afterall, and that scares me... it honestly scares me...

But let's put that all aside for now. What's my final outlook of the whole E3 show? Thanks to all the recent console price-drops, it's really a good time to be a video game addict. My only problem? My only gripe, is that with my limited university "allowance" from my parents, how the hell am I going to afford all the games I want this coming holiday season?... My God, the choices the choices... Which to choose? Metroid Prime, the game of the year, or save up for Legend of Zelda, the best game ever made, period?... God, I'm going to go bankrupt... and I'm going to fail second year of university because Super Mario Sunshine will be so much more of a learning experience than my electrical circuit courses...

... um... okay, I think I've ranted enough about pointless video games. Now it's time to gripe and groan and moan about how my lady luck has screwed over my beloved Toronto Maple Leafs... uggh... Is it me, or do the Maple Leafs lose in the playoffs every single night before the day I have some test or quiz or some bloody exam? Because you see, I have a Materials quiz today... and naturally, the Leafs just had to play the day before... and naturally, logic dictates that the Leafs just had to be inept enough to lose in overtime to the Carolina Hurricanes for like the third time this damn series... And now, thanks to my charms and witty bad luck, my beloved Maple Leafs have been eliminated from the playoffs! Eliminated! And it's all my fault, I say! Superstition has it, that it's all my fault! I'm cursed! I'm not just annoying and whiny, but I'm cursed! Damn those no-name comic books to hell... and, well... I remember the day that I first fell in love with hockey. It was the pinnacle of my evolution as a Canadian, and it was back in either '92 or '93 in the glorious Doug Gilmour, Dave Andreychuk, Felix Potvin, and Wendel Clark... I had watched some hockey games before that, but I had never realized why hockey was such a cultural phenomenon up here north of the border. That is, until I watched the first game of the legendary Detroit versus Toronto playoff series of that year... And my God, the atmosphere! Glory be, the billowing atmosphere! The suspense was absolutely killing me! And it killed me inside every single time Detroit scored a goal, and insulted the Leafs so bad by throwing all those damn octopi onto the icy surface... And my God, the pressure! Oh, God, the grit! The tenacity! The mind games! It was all mind blowing! Call me simple minded if you'd like, but watching Dino Ciccerelli or however you spell his name, get pummeled in the crease by a pissed off Felix Potvin was my damn kind of entertainment, Gladiator style!... and, well... I also remember the two moments that made me fall out of love for hockey, and they both happened that same year. After the Maple Leafs had miraculously upset the Red Wings in game seven, I remember my hero, Doug Gilmour, having the puck behind the net in the second overtime of the second game of the second round against St. Louis... and when Gilmour scored that wrap-around goal, I screamed in joy. I screamed in utter joy, as if I was right there, then and there, scoring that very goal for the team... but the sad thing was, nothing in hockey has ever lived up to that moment since. From that point on, it's all been down-hill, a massive denouement, a drastic fall from the climax of hockey orgyness... The Leafs were finally stopped that year by the Los Angeles Kings, by none other than Ontario's own Wayne Gretzky, and I was so damn disappointed in God for letting the Leafs lose, that I didn't pray to him until years after that... heh... you can call my sappy or stupid for that, but it's true. I lost my faith over a damn sport and a damn seventh game of the Conference finals... and, well... hopefully I've improved since then... I only lose faith over school and basketball now...

I was going to write a Enterprise update today but I think I'll save my Star Trek year-end wrap up for sometime next week when I've got nothing better to write. I'll just close this update by mentioning that there were a lot of times when I screamed at the TV, all because of sports. I cheered so damn wildly the first time the Toronto Blue Jays won the World Series, and I cringed in bitter agony at Vince Carter missing that buzzer beater shot last year against Philadelphia... But since that '92 or whatever series, I have never screamed at the TV for hockey, no matter how Canadian I claim to be... that is, until last night, when Mats Sundin scored the typing goal with 20 seconds left in the third period... not like they helped in the end, but that's besides the point... because I literally did jump up in the end and howl through the hallways, and my mom then screamed at me for acting like some crazed, drunk lunatic or something... But it didn't matter to me. Maybe it was the Canadian win at the Olympics, or maybe it's the grit that the Leafs have shown this playoff year, but my love for hockey has been rekindled. Don't ask me why, but I thoroughly enjoyed this year of hockey, and even though I'm bitterly disappointed right now (the Leafs have now been shut out of the Stanley Cup finals for 36 years), I can't help but give a standing ovation to my beloved Toronto Maple Leafs. As inept as their passing and stick-handling was (how the hell could they give away two goals last night?), they showed great heart and great courage, and that's something I haven't felt in this team since the first time I fell in love with hockey. And to me, having the heart of a champion means so much more than hoisting that Stanley Cup over your hero's head...

... or, um... at least, after 36 years of zero Stanley Cups, that's what we Leafs fans as losers have no choice but to believe... heh... I think my friend (or I wish she was a friend) once put it best in an e-mail, that "it's bad when you're accustomed to mediocrity and saying, 'Well, at least we made it this far.' "... I love the way she has with words...

Wednesday, May 22nd, 2002

Y2kk Update: Okay, E3, the showcase of the gaming immortals, is finally upon us, and I can officially say that I have seen the light... the Zelda light... the amazing Zelda lighting... The friggin' amazing Legend of Zelda Gamecube lighting!... Oh my friggin' god, I can honestly say that I've never jerked off my bits and pieces before, but if I ever do start, I'll do it in front of that friggin' amazing Zelda video!... except, um, it is kind of sick to jerk off at an animated, little kid, but that's besides the point...  I've avoided writing any sort of critique on the Spaceworld 2001 showing of the new "Celda" game, simply because I knew Miyamoto would pull through and convince all the internet's nay-sayers that he'll never, ever let us gamers down!... except for Stunt Race FX and Yoshi's Story, but once again, that's besides the point...

I loved the new cel-shaded look of the Zelda universe back at Spaceworld, and God, I seriously freaked and crapped in joy last night when I saw my favourite hero in full cel-shaded action. And I swear to God, that E3 Zelda trailer was the only thing, in God knows how many years, that has actually made my jaw hang out in utter, uber, complete shock... Because anyone who truly knows me and my gaming habits knows that I've never been a big advocate of graphics. Instead, I base my critiques on gameplay, play control, and animation... and God, oh baby... Will the gameplay for Zelda be any good? You bet your ass its going to be good! It's friggin' Zelda, for Christ's sakes, for crying out loud!... And the animation? Oh my God, don't get me started on the animation! Back in Grade 2, when I first got my NES as a present, how did I envision my gift? I envisioned it as a living cartoon, an living embodiment of all those fantastic shows I watched on TV... but alas, somewhere down the road, my beloved cartoon graphics were lost and replaced by all the fanfare buzzing around "realistic" games like Final Fantasy 8 and Grand Theft Auto 3... But thank God for Miyamoto, and thank God for Zelda, because my childhood dreams have finally arrived, and there's nothing on earth that can make me happier!... except getting an actual girlfriend, or graduating from this damn university I'm in, or actually writing a Y2kk Update that people will read, but that's besides the point...

Anyhew, not much happened this week, but I did see Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones with a friend on opening day. And I don't really want to review the movie here, but I will make a couple of statements since I am the no-name whiner... First of all, I found it funny how there was just one person in the back of the theatre, sitting all alone with his single lightsabre... and, well... heh... Normally when people bring their Star Wars gear to the theatre, they arrive surrounded by other fanatics who refuse to get singled out. We all know about safety in numbers... But this guy at the back of the theatre? He was just sitting there, all alone with his lightsabre in hand, and it was funny how there was this circular void around him, like some sort of crop circle or something... since as soon as somebody saw that lightsabre, they would freak out and sit somewhere else... And maybe that was this guy's plan all alone, but nevertheless... heh... it was very cool... But I guess I should shut up right about now...

And secondly, I have to agree with the critics on one thing: that the acting in Attack of the Clones is wooden and absolutely horrendous. The only moment that ever did touch me was the look on Anakin's face when he expressed his guilt to Padme, and as the Darth Vader theme blared subtly in the overtone background... However, there is one thing that I think the critics should've mentioned in their reviews: that Star Wars acting is meant to be horrendous! Star Wars is not some Memento Clone, or a Shawshank Redemption, or even a Lord of the Rings. All three of those movies catered to the movie buff, who care more about film direction and acting credentials than they do about the actual movie experience. But Star Wars is not a movie - it's a religion! And by that logic, that sadly makes George Lucas a God... And while some will claim that the Yoda fight was too unintentionally funny for their own tastes, I guess I have to remind the community that except for Empire Strikes Back, the entire Star Wars series has been nothing but cheesy action sequences and cringe-worthy line! I mean, to make fun of Attack of the Clones on the basis of those two reasons is like saying you never liked Star Wars in the first place! And hell's bells, I for one have never liked damn Star Wars! I rate Attack of the Clones as nothing more than a pretty decent movie, but also as the best of any Star Wars film I've ever seen! And why? Because it delivered real action, unlike the low-budget New Hope could provide. Because it didn't try to be religious and preachy, as the serious Empire Strikes Back attempted to do. Because Attack of the Clones ended on a chilling, cliffhanger note compared to the anti-climatic destruction of the Empire in The Return of the Jedi. And because unlike the Phantom Menace, I was actually entertained by Episode II's Zerg-like, Gladiator monsters, Chicken Run like conveyor belt sequences, and by C3P0's horrible, horrible, power of the pun...

I won't get much more into Attack of the Clone, but I will admit that although it had me bored at times, the plotline just kept getting better and better every time I thought hard about it... I mean, I couldn't help but find it chilling how the rise of Palpatine and the Empire was a direct parallel to the rise of Hitler, and even the possible rise of Le Pen in France. It's kind of sad to say and hard to admit, but I feel that Attack of the Clones is possibly the best political thriller that I've watched over the years... I mean, wasn't it through democracy and fear that Hitler rose to power? And it's just so amusing for me to watch Palpatine manipulate both sides of the civil war conflict to gain total dictatorship rights, all without the arrogant Jedi council realizing a single thing before it's too late... and, well... heh... my favourite line in the movie? "Lost a planet, Obi-Wan has. How embarrassing"... And now that I think about it, Palpatine is an absolute genius, and I guess by that logic, that makes George Lucas a genius as well, because he realized that there's only one true way for a single politician to rise to absolute power. Palpatine can't take it by force - not a Republic of that size, anyhew. Instead, he takes it through the will of the people, by the people, and for the people, when the will of the people for a strong leader was stronger than it had ever been before... And call me moronic if you'd like, but since many claim the Empire of the original trilogy parallels the Nazi Regime, I'll make the claim that the Republic of the new trilogy mirrors the plight of Europe after the First World War. And although it's sad for me to say that a movie with the title, "Attack of the Clones", and a supposed guest starring of N'Sync singers, could become a vastly, better political movie to me than Wag the Dog, I just can't help but give kudos to George Lucas for making a brilliant film for all ages, subtly embedded with both the glories and horrors of adult reality...

And oh, but the way... Seeing the Death Star designs and the Star Destroyers under Yoda's command?... heh... very foretelling... very chilling... and very cool... And, um, okay... I think I'll shut up now...

No, wait, there's one last thing I want to mention about the movie. I found it quite odd and very ironic how so many Star Wars fans hated Anakin's character in Attack of the Clones. They claimed that he was whiny, and arrogant, and selfish, and too despicable for their tastes... and, um... honestly, I can't help but wonder if George Lucas modeled this Anakin Skywalker as a satire, as a bitter satire of the very people who criticize his name... I mean, think about it. We all know that certain movie fans simply cannot be satisfied, simply because of what I call the PS2 Complex. Gamers once loved Nintendo and their "kiddie" games, but these gamers eventually "matured", and are now too adult to be bothered with anything less than that Metal Gear Solid 2 interactive movie and that Columbine slaughter wannabe known as Grand Theft Auto 3... The same thing applies with Star Wars, in which to be honest, I was very surprised a few years back to find that so many Star Wars fans hated Return of the Jedi, simply because the Ewoks were too childish to them... So let's see here... hmmm... We've got childish, whiny, arrogant, and selfish Star Wars fans thinking they have all the answers, making fun of that childish, whiny, arrogant, selfish Anakin character who also thinks he has all the answers... And, um... hmm... I'm not sure if George Lucas created all this on purpose, but hey, as a no-name guy who loves satires, I can't help but give Lucas two green lightsabres up...

And oh, by the way, although I was disappointed at how short the final lightsabre battle scene was, seeing Anakin fight with two lightsabres in the pitch dark was definitely artistic, and very cool... heh... very super-dooper cool... And, um, okay... this time, I think I'll really shut up...

I'll skip my Enterprise review for the week to move onto something bigger: the two hour season finale of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And, well... I can't really say anything good about this episode. It paled in comparison to the rigors of Villains and the intricate brilliance of Normal Again... But as alwaysm there were some positives about this two parter. The first half, "Two to Go", had a few things going for it, like Anya's curt insults aimed at the geeky duo's jailor, and her pretty decent talk and resolution with Xander in the magic shop. I felt there was some emotion in both of those scenes, although it's always weird to see Anya in a serious and non-sarcastic role... I felt that Buffy's role was very diminished, which was both a good and bad thing, and I kinda did laugh at how ridiculous her fight scene with buffed-up Willow was. And I wasn't really invested in Buffy's little chat with Willow at Rack's place either, but... well, actually, come to think of it, there wasn't much to this episode at all. It actually reminded me a lot of stories I used to write, how I would make characters wait a long time in a single place like the Magic Shop to extend a short story into a long, suspenseful one... But alas, I could never get the formula to work, and I'm not really sure if it works in this episode either, and moreover, I was really turned off both the Matrix-like cop beating and the Terminator-like truck chasing scenes, but I guess I did feel refreshed when Giles showed up at the door, filled with his coven's borrowed witchcraft energy... And besides, how could I possibly give an episode thumbs down, when it stars such classics lines from Andrew as being terrified of being turned into "Jawa burgers" since the Scoobies don't have the "mitochlorians" to stop Willow... heh... two thumbs up for that line alone, because after watching Attack of the Clones and the Phantom Menace the other day, how could I possibly not smile in utter, geek, no-name happiness?

But alas, I just couldn't stand "Grave", the second half of the two hour show... I mean, it did have a couple of classic lines like the battered Giles claiming, "I can see", and a worried Anya proclaiming, "It's a miracle!"... But I just couldn't stand Dawn's reaction to the fact that Buffy was raped. I just couldn't stand Willow's cliche actions, and her rather simplistic battle with magic-wielding Giles. I just couldn't stand Buffy's tormented reactions while fighting demons in the pit with Dawn. I just couldn't stand how cheesy the finish was, with Giles lending some "good" magic to Willow's heart. And God, I just couldn't stand Xander proclaiming his love for Willow, over and over and over again, since for once he had the ability stop an apocalypse and finally prove to himself that he can be useful (since by now, everyone else on the series has stopped an apocalypse by now)... And please, I absolutely hated the finale last year! Why? Because it was so girly-like emotional, with Spike crying and Buffy being the prophetic saviour Christ or something... And this year was no different! I'm glad Spike was getting beat up instead of balling out tears, but all those sappy resolutions between Buffy and Dawn, and Willow and Xander were just too much for a geek like me! And God, Jonathan and Andrew barely had any lines! Alack, my heroes had absolutely lines! I mean, it's great that they survived it all with the Mexico line, but with the current fan reaction to these two geeks, I guess I'll never be seeing them again... too bad. They were they the stars of the season if you asked me. Hell, they were the central theme of the year if you asked me...

And you see, that's the one last thing I want to mention before I curtly lay Buffy's sixth season to rest. The theme of the year was meant to be adulthood, the ability to accept your fate and the world around you. I guess this theme was prevalent in the Buffy and Giles talk in "Grave", in which Giles laughing hysterically to Buffy's misfortunes was the only true, redeeming part of the episode "Grave"... because yeah, I laughed alone too, because the Buffyverse sounds so ridiculous when said out loud... And with that said, I think I should mention some complaining stuff happening on the forums. Some "loyal" Buffy fans are extremely angry at Joss Whedon and the show's writers. They're ready to boycott the series next year, and why? Because the season didn't end the way they wanted it to. They're pissed that Spike got a soul (Joan: "how lame is that?"). They're pissed that Willow, the "big bad" for the season, wasn't given enough episodes to prove how evil she was, or that she wasn't given a way to redeem herself in the end... And hell, this was the funniest complaint that I've heard in a long time: that Joss Whedon promotes gay stereotypes, since it was a lesbian who was shot in the back, it was a lesbian who turned evil, and it was Xander, a straight man, who brought the lesbian back from the dark side with his heterosexual love... heh... now that's cool...

And okay, so let's put all this together. On one side, we've got Buffy fans who realize the theme for the season was maturity. On the other side, we've got the same Buffy fans hating the writers of every single episode, simply because the season didn't follow the path they wanted it to follow... And hmm... put the two of those together, and what do you have? The same thing we had for Star Wars: a satire of its own fans. The finale of Buffy promoted that we must accept things the way they are, and I guess you can tell that those Buffy fans aren't exactly accepting of what they're seeing on television... Hell, it's the exact same PS2 complex that I talked about earlier. Some Buffy fans have simply "matured" their tastes and think they know how Buffy's fate should be written. They simply cannot accept the fact that Joss is the writer, and that Buffy is his show, and that the place for a "loyal" fan is to continue watching the show without boycotting it to the end... And are fans allowed to whine? Absolutely. Are they allowed to complain? Absolutely. But claiming that the writers are stupid and wrong, simply because the storylines don't go the way fans want them to, is simply absurd! It's like Star Wars fans claiming they could've made a better Phantom Menace, and written a better Anakin Skywalker character...

And, well... "Fuck, I could've made a better Episode I!"... heh... a classic line from a classic deleted scene from the ever classic, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back... and as you can guess, I sort of like satires... heh... very cool... but um, I think that's my cue to completely shut up right about now...

Wednesday, May 15th, 2002

Y2kk Update: Well, this is a first for me... I'm actually writing up this Y2kk Update at school, because it's true, it's true, I'm stuck at summer school and I have nothing better to do with my free time than to write useless updates on the internet which nobody will ever read... And yeah, I guess that does sound like fun to me. Just like the Toronto Maple Leaf Hockey game was last night... although I am starting to feel bad for Ottawa Senator fans. I mean, how many times has Toronto eliminated our Ontario brethren in the "Battle of Ontario" (or as we Torontorians prefer to call it, "just another series with Ottawa")? What, three times by now? Or four years... in a row? Now if that ain't going to be the cause of a major Ottawa inferiority complex, then I don't know what will... My only fear now is that the ol' Federal Government in Ottawa may, um... stop funding a few essential services in Toronto simply out of sibling city rivalry. That's how Canadian politics work, you know... but oh well, AOL, I guess we'll just have to make it up with more Maple Leaf playoff revenues by eliminating the Ottawa Senators ever year... Now, the only question is, if Team Canada can actually get a gold medal without whining nor complaining, can the cursed Toronto Maple Leafs achieve the impossible as well?

In other news, I was a bit pissed off at the Marc Hall prom court case last week. I'm not sure if it was international news or anything, so I'll divulge a quick recap here. An everyday gay guy from an Ontario Catholic high school honestly and openly asked his principle if he could bring his boyfriend to the prom. However, after talking with the school board and with the guy's parents, the principle decided to turn down the student's request. Why? Some would argue that since Catholicism is against gay partners consummating relationships, that dancing is religiously inappropriate at a Catholic prom. Then again, some would simply claim that the principle was homophobic and turned down his student's request simply out of loathing and spite... Of course, nobody really knows which of the two is the truth, although by now, every Ontarian has an opinion, and I would've been fine if it was left at that... The problem was, this student who goes by the name of Marc Hall just had to steal the spotlight and sue his Catholic school for discrimination...

Now, don't get me wrong - I completely agree with the court's ruling that the rights of the individual outweigh the rights of a religion, and thus I have no problem with Marc Hall bringing his boyfriend to the prom. Hell, if I was the principle of his school, Catholic or not (and yes, I'm Catholic), I wouldn't have cared if the couple danced all night or not. I mean, the idea that dancing is a sexual act is simply a relic from the medieval days of witches and hexes... However, I feel bad for Marc Hall in ways that the Canadian media is understandably reluctant to bring to attention. A person I once knew told me that he hails from Timmins, Ontario, the home of singer Shania Twain. And although she was popular around the world at the time, he claimed everyone back home couldn't stand the sight of her... And in all honesty, who can blame them? She's beautiful, famous, and oh yeah, almost forgot that she left little Timmins for bigger and better things. And who wouldn't be jealous of her in her former town, or at least feel a little intimidated and inferior compared to her success? And that's exactly why I have no choice but to pity poor Marc Hall... He just had to be the rebellious one. He just had to be the one beguiling all of Ontario with his noble ornament. And although not everyone in Ontario agreed that he should go to court against his Catholic school (a school he willingly chose to graduate from despite the Church's well-known stance on gay relationships), there is no question that the mass media (who pride themselves on political correctness) was definitely bias to his side. Practically every single newspaper and lawful television newscast hailed Marc Hall as a hero... He was given his fifteen minutes of fame, and ay, there's the rub, because that's where the problems lie...

Maybe I'm wrong about this, but wouldn't Hall's choice to become a political hero anger the hell out of about everyone he knows around his school, except for maybe that so-called "minority" who pride themselves on being rebellious? And no, what his peers have said to the media and said to the cameras do not count... I mean, doesn't Marc realize that he's now a "sell-out" or will one day be a sell-out to all his peers? I mean, he's no longer one of them - he's now just that blue-haired guy who fights oppression and thinks he's better than the Catholic system they all live and obide by... Please don't get me wrong, because I completely agree that in a democratic country, the freedom of individual rights should overrule the freedom of religion, otherwise we'll be having legal Heaven's Gates all over the place... but that still doesn't excuse Marc Hall for thinking he's above and beyond the Catholic system, and above and beyond his very own principle. Instead of respecting the rights of authority and the rules of the Church he has chosen to obey, he instead decides to slap everyone he knows in the face, proclaim himself a Martin Luther, and call himself a saint all while doing this? It's like refusing to wear the uniform at a Catholic school. I'm not going to be one of those who say if you don't like the rules, get out. Catholic schools preach tolerance, even though much of the learned world feels otherwise... I'm just saying that if I was in Marc Hall's shoes, I'd look hard at myself in the mirror and realize that I'm fighting the good fight for all the wrong, personal reasons... Because nothing in life is actually noble. It's just a reaction to a painful stimuli, just like what I'm doing now by writing this update... and I'm sorry if I sound real spiteful, as if I have some vendetta against him or something... which I do thanks to being laughed and ignored by gay defenders all over my Catholic school, but, well... um, I think I'll save those stories for anyone willing to read my Y2kk Updates before flaming me... not like anyone will read this website anyhew...

And, well, now that I've gotten through all that controversial stuff, now it's off to the pleasantries... I'd like to take this time to note that I did enjoy this week's episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "Villains", even more than last week's triumph. I first found it odd at how much in shock Buffy was after getting shot, and I found it rather unintentionally funny how Willow made that Osiris deity or whatever scream like... well... like someone from Scream... But the episode was all frivolous joy-joy from there, and even had a memorable quote to me when Andrew contrasted "Ferris Broderick" with "Broadway Broderick"... I can't say that I was a fan of the bus scene though, the one where Willow stops a bus and destroys the decoy Warren. First of all, I was disappointed that Warren didn't lay a booby-trap in his robot or something, like the high "caliber" femme bots of Austin Powers lore... But secondly, I was sort of upset that Willow didn't try to hurt anyone to get to Warren in that scene. Even though her hair was pitch black and everything, she still felt like good, ol' Willow in that scene and not one thirsting for vengeance. But, um... I guess ruining myself with all those evil spoilers on the internet over the months did get my hopes up a little too high for that bus scene...

But thankfully, contrary to what I believed, this bus scene was not the climax of the story. I did enjoy Buffy's and Dawn's reactions to Tara's death, although it paled in comparison to their way they reacted, mood and acting wise, to their mother's death. However, I unfortunately felt that Buffy's speech on how it's wrong to kill a human was rather forced (and kinda strange considering she tried to kill Faith once), and it also felt weird how Sarah Michelle Gellar had such a trivial role in this entire episode. Not that I'm really complaining, though, since the Warren and Willow fight in the end more than made up for any missing slaying action... I was a bit disappointed in Warren's attempts to escape from Willow, though. Although the axe and the globby shield thing were decent, and the exploding flying box was rather neat, I simply felt that Warren's attacks lacked the punch he's been known to dish out. At times I was expecting him to whip out a missile launcher or something, or at least a semi-automatic like I asked for last week, but none of it ever came. Instead, he just kept on running and running, without a car or helicopter to tow him away to safety, until he was finally caught by magical vines in the forest, and tortured by Willow... I won't say much about this scene, although the forest setting was rather appropriate to a Freudian like me, and I will note that it wasn't as gruesome as I thought it would be. I guess this is kind of sad to say, but although I did feel a cringe of disturbance from Willow skinning Warren alive, I also have to admit that I found that moment rather... um... funny... and a bit too laughable... Maybe it was because I found it ridiculous how Willow felt sorry at one moment, said "Bored Now" the next, and then skins Warren alive, making him look like a plastic Ken doll in the end...  I just know that I didn't care much for Willow torturing Warren with the bullet, and I didn't care much when Warren's mouth was sewn shut. But overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this episode. It may have lacked any epic one-liners, but it more than made up for it with controversial action that got the Buffy forums revving like I've never seen before... except for all those discussions about relationships and everything (uggh... "shippers"...), but that's besides the point...

And that's the last thing I'd like to write about today. I found it rather odd how many people on the Buffy forums were actually trying to best to justify Willow's actions... There was one time back in Grade 12 when a New Age peer of mine explained to the class that killing is absolutely wrong, whether its for vengeance, self-defence or otherwise... unless you're killing a demon, that is... And it just struck me as weird that this classmate of mine would willingly strike down his whole argument all by himself. I mean, isn't it obvious that throughout human history, cultures have demonized other cultures as an excuse for genocide?... But after spending a couple years somewhat around his group and after following the Buffy forums for a while, I've kinda realized something... That classmate of mine didn't shoot down his comment on purpose. On the contrary, he probably actually believed what he was saying, as if there's really a difference between a human and a demon... And the Buffy forums? They cried bloody outrage when they first heard their beloved Willow was turning to bloody murder. But what strikes me as really odd, is that so many forum posters now are trying to justify Warren's death and torture by claiming he acted like a demon. My meddling with the black arts and demon world, they claim, he should be treated like a murderous demon and killed like any demon should be killed... and, um... okay...

First of all, Buffy's just a show. I can't believe that nobody on the forums tried to point that out, unless they were terrified of being ousted or something... And secondly, Warren is a human, period! To claim he's anything less than human simply because he's a murderer, is the same as claiming Muslims during the Crusades were demons simply because they killed Crusaders! I honestly find it ridiculously funny how those forum people either don't realize or they simply ignore that those Buffyverse demons are simply a metaphor for our own demons in life, both corporeal and not. So all because the boss at an office is being oppressive, does that define him as a demon?... And to think, some of the forum posts even claim that Willow can redeem herself for her actions by bringing Warren back from the dead! And, um... I know this is the Buffyverse where the rules of real Physics don't apply, but even so, Willow killed Warren. Period. Bringing him back doesn't change that fact, nor should we forget that she was practically raping him with the bullet! The moral of this Buffy season seems to be that vengeance is pointless, that you simply have to accept who you are and what life brings... yet practically every post on the forums is filled with Buffy fans speaking of the opposite! I mean, how are these fans any better than our fallen heroine, Willow? She saw magic as the source for solving everything in life, and what did that get her? A bullet in the back of Tara's breast? And yet I've seen dozens of posts on the internet, explaining ways in which she could use her magic to redeem herself and redeem her friends... and, um... maybe I'm taking these forums to seriously, but if the posts I read actually convey what Buffy fans truly believe?... then, well... that could explain why so many people are boycotting the Buffy writers this season, simply because they refuse to watch what they don't want to watch, and refuse to learn what they don't want to learn...

Friday, May 10th, 2002

Y2kk Update: Greetings and salutations, oh noble internet travelers!... even to you Conor... Welcome, welcome, one and all to the grand opening of IvanF's IVT No-Name Brand Website, yet another website to add to my list of insanely boring and pointless accolades! And in the event that I've developed schizophrenic personalities, I've got to ask myself, why the hell would I waste my time creating yet another horrible webpage, when I've already got a flock of them all screwed up over the internet?... and, well... to answer that question, we first must take under introspection the very fibre, the very history of the optical, um, fibres of my IvanF, um, history...

... * flasback sequence starts *...

I started my internet life as a flock of seagulls, or as science would claim, as an internet sperm and an internet spermee... My first website was actually a news site dedicated to emulation and S3 video card news back in those 1998 days, but it wasn't long until I gave that awful gimmick up. I gave that website a week to thrive, and although I got bored of writing up absolutly pointless crap for nobody to read, I do feel a bit saddened now that I cannot find an age old copy of my first ever official Y2kk Update... I wonder what I wrote, and I wonder if it's as boring as the crap I write now? I know one thing for sure: at least I didn't write as long and much as I do now... The second internet site that I started up was my high school homework backup site located at http://support.mycrowsoft.com . Ever since it opened back in late 1999, I think I've gotten only 4 or 5 visitors, and that includes the times I've been snooping around my own site. I can't blame the internet scene though for my site's inadequecy - it's not like there's anything of use over at my support site, other than all those awful English essays I wrote over those high school years... And as I was setting up my support site, nostalgic memories started flooding my mind, and I couldn't help but recall my long-ago fondness for that god-awful 1998 news site I had scrapped after just a week... So what else could I do be myself, be boring, and build the legendary 3d news site now known as http://download.mycrowsoft.com ? At the same time, I also opened up http://msn.mycrowsoft.com as a sister site, although MSN never garnered the 20 or so hits a day that my download site had rapidly become accustomed to... Hell, I got so few hits on my MSN site that I even decided to write all the crap about my personal life over there, simply because I absolutely knew that nobody I knew or ever will know will ever read that crap of a crappy website... And finally came along May 15th, 2000, one of those 365 days that will live in IvanF infamy, as the day my infamous http://tweakui.mycrowsoft.com site went online for the first time in prerecorded history... and as the day,or the month, or the year, that for a brief spurt and squirt in time, like my candle in the wind, I was actually living my subconscious dream of being famous. I was earning almost 600 hits a day at the peak of my tweakui site's popularity, with my Star Trek Armada no-name mod running wild on the forums, and my tweaks and dweaks actually getting some plugs from major sites over here and there...

But alas, all good things must come to an end, and now I have no fame. Now, I have no legacy... I'm now exactly as I started out on the internet scene - as a bitter, lame, bastard of a man... And with all of my suburban angst, what else can I do but use my own prosperous sites as shitholes for the longest Y2kk Updates I have ever written in my life? And you see, even when I crap all my lifelong crap out on four different websites, it's just never enough, because here I am, opening up my new http://noname.mycrowsoft.com website! And what does this website have to offer? Nothing more than some of those university notes of mine to laugh at. Nothing more than the archives of my Star Trek Armada mods and a bunch of Starcraft campaign stages that I designed long ago. Nothing more than a few articles written here and a few editorials over there, about nothing and anything I deem writable in life, such as those rumours I hear on the internet and that stuff I hear on those intellectual, renegade streets... I have devoted my four previous websites to holding the keys and virgin records of the very essence of my personal life, but I have given a different and lesser task to this new, lameass of a website of mine. I can't guarantee that I'll update this site frequently, but at least I'll update it with stuff that both you and I can relate to, whether it be a TV show here or a video game rumour there. This site has now officially been dedicated as my no-name rant to the world, my useless opinion to the world on what everybody else already has an opinion about... and in a way, today has truly been a good day for all of mankind. Today, a new website opens, and a new voice on the internet opens up as well... But ay, there's the rub, for the bad news is, now the internet has got yet another lamer who's going to whine and complain about anything and everything that the internet was built and mamed to complain about! And even worse, now you two Y2kk readers have even more updates to bore your life away with, so with that in mind, welcome thouest two readers to the worst website that I will ever create in my lifetime!...

... um, next to my support site... and my cow site, that is, but that's besides the point...

Well, from here on in, this no-name brand site has officially been opened, and I'll start the celebration by talking about that other celebration of a life-time, or at least, the best thing that's probably happened to me all week, non-academically speaking... I saw the movie Spiderman on its opening day with a close friend last Friday , which would've been this website's opening day if it wasn't for that movie... But I'm not here to complain or rave about that movie or anything. If I ever do, I'll be a DVD review whenever the movie comes to home viewing or whatever. But what I will mention was what made the movie great to me (although I'm not exactly one of the millions, and millions, who think Spiderman deserves all that $114 million US in made in its first two airing days). In the AMC theatre that I was in, I was sitting beside a father and his five or four year old son. And naturally, as the movie critics warned, Spiderman was quite a frightful movie. There really wasn't any bass in that god-awful AMC theatre, but the treble sharpness was there, and that alone was enough to make almost any scene with the Green Goblin terrifying to any toddler. So naturally, the father was forced to curl up with his panicky son, constanting reminding him that it's just a movie, that the movie can't hurt him... And now that I think back, I'm sure I remember the dad repeating over and over again to his son, that there's nothing to be afraid of, that there's nothing to be afraid of... that he must suck it up and be a man, as he gently rocked him back and forth...

Well, this was all during the scene where Harry Osborn first becomes the Green Goblin (oops... just gave away 6 years of the Spiderman comic in the making), and I'm sure everybody who has watched the movie recalls that total recall flashback scene, the one between Harry and his son in his mansion, that I'm sure caused everyone in any theatre to jump back in their seat. Hell, I listen to DTS sounds on my home theatre all the time, and I still froze up in terror from the flashback's piercingly sharp sound... And you see, the funny thing was, the four year old boy was still in the father's arms at the time... And the last thing I remember the dad saying was, "It's just a movie. There's nothing to be afraid of"... and, well... heh... That's when that flashback sequence hit, and of course, the fearless dad was jolted back, almost snapping his helpless son's neck in the process... heh... It may not be funny the way I worded it, but trust me, nothing made my day more than seeing a dad try to calm his son, only to find himself panicking with fear, nearly throwing his son back into the seats behind him, and afterwards pretending as if nothing had happened at all... After the flashback sequence, the dad naturally didn't say much to the child, and the child remained silent for most of the rest of the movie, probably because he was now more afraid of his dad than he was of the movie... And as for the father, he ended up holding his son at arm's length, just to be safe, you know... The dad doesn't want to pull another Steven Seagal by accident, all from just a stupid little movie where there's nothing to be afraid of...

In other entertainment news, I caught only the first of two new Star Trek Enterprise episodes to air this week. Quite a shame, actually, considering the latter was supposed to be the far superior episode... And just in case you two readers didn't know, I'm quite the fanboy Trekkie. I'll never dress in a StarFleet uniform for a convention though, nor learn the entire Klingon language, but I caught every single episode of The Next Generation after I was reeled in by Best of Both Worlds, Parts 1 and 2. Before that, I thought Star Trek was a hoax. A sham. A blasphemy to all that was sacred and holy in geekdom... I didn't understand the beauty that is Star Trek, but now?... Hell, I was actually devoted enough to catch almost every episode of every single season of that god-awful Star Trek Voyager! And God, if I can correctly recall, I actually wanted to devote a whole Y2kk Update on my tweakui site to reviewing that final episode of Voyager, although all I did end up mentioning was a few timbits of info from that Buffy season finale I wish that never was...

Anyhew, I can't remember the name of the Enterprise episode this week, but it was the one where a Vulcan Ambassador is accused of a crime on an alien world. And to T'Pol's dismay, the ambassador (her childhood mentor) actually claimed that the charges against her were justified... Now, I'll be the first to admit that this episode did not have me jumping in my seat, like Best of Both Worlds had me going back in day, although I am a sucker for Warp Speed fests, and though Mayweather sounded quite hollow as he chanted out, "Warp 4.95... Warp 4.97...", the thrill of the chase was enough to bring back good, ol' memories of Warp 9.6... Moving along, there weren't many memorable lines in the episode, although I must admit that I did laugh when T'Pol mentioned to Captain Archer that "Vulcans do not have heroes"... And no, I didn't exactly like the resolution to the whole story, nor the plot twist the audience was waiting half the episode for, but overall, I couldn't help but enjoy the episode as a whole. Although the Vulcan ambassador's plot twist seemed a little anti-climatic to me, it was not nearly predictable (to me, at least) and not nearly as susceptible to criticism as Oasis was (the return of Odo's actor, Rene, along with a DS9 plot about holographic people)... I would mention more things about this week's episode, but once again, it just wasn't good enough for me to remember it all half a week after watching it. Like I said earlier, the overall story was solid, there was some decent comedy thrown into the mix, and I guess I should also mention that whoever played the Vulcan Ambasssador was rather effective in her role. But I can't say the same for Archer, T'Pol, and Tucker's extremely limited role. They simply didn't add much to the mundane atmosphere, even during warp battles, although Reed's straight-forward battle sense did a few good smiles at me at times...

As a closing, I might as well finish this first ever no-name update with a mini review of this week's Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode. And although I'm not exactly the greatest fan of the Buffyverse out there, I was heavily anticipating this episode. There has been only three episodes that I have enjoyed this season so far: the episode where the trio of nerds test Buffy for weaknesses, the episode "Normal Again" where a demon's venom confuses Buffy into thinking she's a schizophrenic in a mental asylum, and this week's episode, where the geek trio finally proves what kind of menace they truly are... - sniff sniff - they give me so much hope for my future... Ontario Hydro Power to the geeks!... um, nevermind...

In case you missed this week's episode and don't mind spoilers, Warren uses Jonathan and a demon suit to get some new balls for himself and become virtually invulnerable. With his newfound strength, Warren attacks a armoured van in a bank heist, only to be stopped by Buffy (with a little help from a fearful and guilt-ridden Jonathan). With Jonathan and Andrew now in jail, Buffy contemplates the future with Xander by her house when Warren suddenly shows up. Exacting revenge, Warren pulls a gun, shoots Buffy in the chest, and accidentally shoots Tara through the heart. As the episode closes, we see dark magic brewing like a storm in the eyes of lesbian Willow, and we all know what that means... The theme for this Buffy year? That lo and behold, lesbians are evil!... Anyhew, aside from my non-politically correct giddiness, I enjoyed this episode because first of all, somebody has finally used a goddam gun on Buffy! I mean, honestly! After all the demons and criminals she's faced, only a small handful have ever been smart enough to pull a damn gun? And at least Warren was smart enough to shoot Buffy before she could talk, although a technie genius like him should've brought with him a few semi-automatics on the side... Second thing I enjoyed was the parallel between Spike and Buffy's relationship, and Warren and his sidekick's relationships. Although Andrew's line in the police station, "he never really loved... hanging out with us", was a bit too cheesy for my tastes, the parallels were not so obvious throughout the scenes where both Spike and Jonathan feel ousted...

Third thing I enjoyed was Buffy's line, "How hard are you going to kick when you're blowing in the wind?" Although that line itself was cheesy and not very memorable, the way Buffy beautiful noted (after being kicked) that she meant for her one-liner to be "rhetoric", I couldn't help but crack up. The last time I actually laughed at a Buffy line was in "Tabula Rosa", when the Scooby Gang lost their memories and Buffy told to Spike, "Vampire with a Soul? How lame is that?"... Buffy is at her written best when Sarah acts young and innocent, although her character obviously must change for the viewer's sake and grow to be a woman. And sadly, that is the theme of the year: to be an adult and deal with the consequences of actions, no matter what they may be, which leads me to the last thing I enjoyed in the episode... That thank God, Tara has finally died! Ever since she first showed up on the show, I've been waiting for this moment to happen! The first time I saw her, I knew she wasn't meant to be anything else than that key character who gets killed off in the end. Although I personally didn't find her death scene disturbing, it does kind of excite me how Willow is now going to go off the deep end and destroy everything in her sights. I've never really enjoyed the Willow and Tara lesbian relationship, although I do realize that it was a necessity to keep a lot of the female viewers content. And now that Tara is gone and done with for possibly good, all I can do is smile, because she has never felt like a true member of the Buffyverse in the first place. Now don't get me wrong - I've got nothing against her actor, Amber. It's just that her role in the show never seemed to be solid. She was almost written like a 6th man on a basketball team, so to speak, and it's satisfying to know that her death has a point, a pivotal role, and will lead to some truly epic episodes in the weeks to come... not to mention a lot of glorious whining from the couple's fans on the internet...

Unfortunately, I must admit that I did not enjoy this episode as thoroughly as I thought I would. What spoiled it for me? I had read reports on how disturbing the Spike and Buffy rape scene was, and so I had high hopes for something, um, graphic during their tussle... But nothing really happened! I don't know why I felt nothing - I guess you can call me desensitized from video games or movies or something, but I didn't see anything disturbing in that rape scene! How was it any different than any other time Spike attacked Buffy? Having sex in a crumbling building was provocative, but the walls weren't even rumbling in this rape scene!.. How was it any more disturbing than any vampire bite sequence, or any demon slashing scene, or even those vampires bite the dust literally sequences? I may never know... Moreover, although the storyline was rather exceptional this week, the acting was kinda on the sub-par side. I normally enjoy Anya's anecdotes or Xander's comments, but they were both rather lacking this episode (although as a trekkie, I give nods to the Deanna Troi and Klingon jokes). Then again, this was all probably because the season has turned to the dark side, with Tara's death and everything... And aside from Buffy's rhetorical comment, none of the characters (except for the lesbians in bed) acted anything else other than depressive throughout the whole episode, although that's pretty much expected after Anya slept with Spike the other week... Anyhew, these are all minor gripes, because this episode still stands as one of the only three episodes I've enjoyed this Buffy year (although that says more for the season than it does for the episode).

If I didn't feel obliged to start on my tweakui site update sometime soon, I'd write more. But for now, I'll leave it at that, and call my no-name website's grand opening as much of a success as the opening of my support site was, four visitors and counting... Because yes, I will get visitors on this no-name website... It's just too bad they'll all be from my own IP address...

[c. visitors too bored to return...]