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Sunday, June 8th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Battlestar Galactica: The Hub Review (Spoilers...) -

My frakkin' God, is the Admiral pussy-whipped now or what?...

He stays behind in a friggin' Raptor for who knows how long, reading the shitty ass book that the president apparently liked, all just so that he can mouth out at her with "about time" when she finally admits she loves him? To be honest, I guess it was a sweet and heart-warming moment, but did the writers really have to sacrifice everything that made Admiral Adama into a fucking legendary badass to pull this off? WTF?...

To be fair, The Hub was one of the better episodes of the season, not like that's saying much. It was interesting to see the ol' priest back, whatever that bitch's name was, although I found most of her scenes to be eye-rolling and grating even by Sci-Fi standards. So, the president had to learn to un-president herself and become a proper, loving woman like she was at the start of the series all over again? While I can relate to Adama's predicament of a woman you fall for who simply would not let herself fall for you (...), I just didn't feel like this one single episode of isolation was really enough for Roslin to open herself back up. It felt rushed really, even though technically the writers had been leading into it while she was rediscovering faith during cancer treatment and everything. The thing is though, while Admiral Adama had been opening up to her for the past few years, it just felt cheap how Roslin's been a pure bitch to him for God knows how long, then suddenly everything is fine and dandy after just a few jumps away. He deserves better than this, begging for her cold hand. Ha, doesn't he have any pride?...

Besides the whole Adama and Roslin affair, there were a few noteworthy scenes to this episode. A lot of them actually belonged to Gaius Baltar, but I really had no idea why he had suddenly reverted back to his old smarmy, slimy self. All of a sudden, instead of sermonizing and almost honestly believing his own bullshit, he was yelling at the Hybrid and trying to convince the Centurions or something to start a rebellion in the name of God? First of all, what was the purpose of all that, except perhaps to have an army of evil robots under his command. Either way, I had no clue what he was thinking or what his objectives were, but I still did enjoy the return of the old Gaius Baltar we used to know and loathe. I didn't mind his little morphine admittance of guilt near the end either, considering it felt like a proper bridge between his old and new personalities, not to mention the fact that letting him just die there on the table, really showed how much of a bitch Roslin had become...

And strangely enough, I really did feel like this episode was one of Helo's best performances of the entire series. I'm not sure what led me to believe that, considering all he did was infiltrate the Resurrection Hub and got his back massaged by the hottest Cylon in the goddam galaxy. Maybe I'm just a little extra partial to the Helo today, simply because I got a chuckle from the president's command that he was not married to the entire Eight line? Or maybe I just tolerated his prissy, pansy bullshit this week for once since that Grace Park by his side was even hotter than normal, sporting the best damn fashion sense I've ever seen an evil robot wear before. I'm not sure why I didn't mind Helo this week, especially after four fucking seasons of complaining about his pussy-whipped ass. Maybe I just appreciated how he was finally pimping himself out to all the Grace Parks out there? Or maybe my opinion of him changed simply because he didn't seem that fucking wussy compared to Adama holed up in a goddam Raptor? At this point, who frakkin' knows...

I can't really complain about an episode where there's actually the first decent space combat since Exodus of last season. The destruction of the Resurrection Hub was not just a thing of beauty from a CG point of view, but the music accompanying it all was decent as well. And of course there were cliche moments of clashes between the human and Cylon pilots before and during the battle, but it was still well done and toned down enough for me to simply enjoy the soundtrack and spectacular fireworks. How the hell can I really fault an episode for nuking a giant space station to frakkin' shreds, all the while showing tons of naked and doll-like Grace Parks in white goo, ready to be programmed to do whatever I pleased? Ha, maybe Helo not being married to the entire line gave me a ray of hope and chance...

Of course, the key to this episode was the resurrection of D'anna. Unfortunately, that part disappointed, except perhaps her fake-out of Roslin that also managed to pull a chuckle out of my ass. I was hoping for something more of a revelation than D'anna refusing to talk until she was safe (although how is being back with the fleet supposed to be safe?). But I guess we'll just have to wait until next week's Revelations to figure out how much Ron Moore is going to screw us over when it comes to the long hiatus of a goddam break...

I did enjoy The Hub for what it was worth, as it was a huge improvement over the past two episodes. We got a large scale battle filled with pretty light shows, and all the cutest Grace Parks and perks that a guy like me would ever ask for outside of a copy of my own...

If only Admiral Adama wasn't so fucking embarrassing to the point of actually making Helo look like a proper man, maybe I would be giving this episode two thumbs up. Or maybe if the rest of the season wasn't as goddam eye-rolling as President Roslin's I'm Lovin' It campaign, I wouldn't be demanding all this and so much more from an episode like The Hub...

I mean, sure it was a decent showing in the end. But quid pro quo, we fans were definitely owed one...

... or in the immortal words of the Helo-ized Admiral Adama?...

"... about time..."

Saturday, May 31st, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Battlestar Galactica: Sine Qua Non Review (Spoilers...) -

Sine Qua Non? What the hell does that even mean? To be essential, to be indispensable? WTF?...

Wow, talk about irony then. Because while this week's Battlestar Galactica wasn't bad per say, it was still anything but goddam filler...

If the writers are going for weird ass names, I personally would've gone for Quid Pro Quo or some shit like that, considering they owe us viewers a damn decent episode after the shit known as season three. Sine Qua Non was definitely not that episode, as most of it consisted of Romo the crazy lawyer talking to his dead frakkin' cat. I mean seriously, did anyone expect that a) Romo would actually pull the trigger on Lee with that ridiculously dinky pistol of his, or b) that anyone BUT Lee Adama would be considered for the presidential role? As soon as the latter claimed that Tom Zarek would never be recognized as president, it was obvious who the only candidate was. Why the hell the writers beat around the bush with bated breath with that goddam chalk board of hell of theirs, I don't fucking know. To fill up the hour and nothing more, I suppose...

There were some good moments between Colonel Tigh and Admiral Adama at least, although I don't get why the former didn't whip out his Torri Ball-Busting Bitch Slaps in his fight against his best friend. You could see the honest to gods comaraderie between the both of them, and which BSG insider didn't at least chuckle inside at the sight of that wooden ship prop busted all over again? Still, the conclusion of their little "bro's before ho's" toss up of a cage match really didn't make much logical sense. So, Admiral Adama decides to pimp slap his best bud for fucking the Cylon Six up the ass and getting her pregnant, and then just suddenly decides to hand over the reins of the fleet to him half a day later? WTF?...

There were some interesting points noted throughout the episode for the both of them. For one, the fact that Colonel Tigh (and Tyrol before him) could impregnate a Cylon has now shot Helo to the top of the list of candidates to be the final of the five, and I guess Tigh proved that knocking the Six up has nothing to do with love. Second, does Tigh actually care for the Cylon Six, or is he still just projecting Ellen's ugly fucking face all over the place out of frakkin' desperation? Third, what does it feel like for him to get Baltar's sloppy seconds (or D'anna's thirds, now that I mention it)? Hell, that reminds me, where the frak was Gaius Baltar this episode? And why the hell was Torri just this tame lap-dog in the services of Lee Adama to boot? WTF?...

Uggh, I hated where Lee's character was heading by the end of the third season, and I'm even more disgusted by it now. Like I said before, it was obvious right from the start of this episode (and hell, even by the end of last week's show) that Lee would end up commanding the whole damn fleet. I never expected his father to step down like he did, but does it really matter? Now we have emo and angsty Lee leading Galactica and all the remnants of humanity towards earth, and I for one feel goddam frakkin' queasy about it all. He has Romo the crazy cat-talking psycho on one ear and Starbuck the slutty kitten on the other. Wow, two lap-dogs right there, and we're not even including Torri or that resistance canine super-hero in the mix either...

Now, don't get me wrong, there were definitely a few perks to Sine Qua Non to pique my interest, as how the fuck can I really complain about Grace Park there with bubbly tea close-ups, looking all alone and distressed and helpless and desperate for human contact? And yes, Admiral Adama did have his moments that reminded me of season one to some degree, including the discussion about the lighter from Hand of God. But really, it just showed how useless and pussy-whipped of a character Adama really has become since badass season one, when he finally admitted out-loud that he "can't live without (Roslin)". Seriously, he can't live without that hairless cat of a bitch, WTF? Beating up Tigh was relatively badass, but to do it all over a woman who probably doesn't even listen to him when he talks and reads? Dear frakkin' gods, how far has the mighty Adama fallen? WTF?...

If anything, the only real saving graces of this episode were the teases for next week's showing (especially with the destroyed Cylon base-ship and Resurrection Hub), all the Grace Park close-ups (naturally), and the few call-backs to the first season of the series that were there...

"Starbuck, what do you hear?"...

"Nothing but the rain, sir"...

Ah, yes. Sine Qua Non.

Squid Pro Ho.

Monday, May 19th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Battlestar Galactica: Guess What's Coming to Dinner Review (Spoilers...) -

Guess what's coming to dinner? After this episode, to my own table at least, certainly not Battlestar Galactica...

When I first heard the title of this week's show, I first interpreted it as a joke, and next as a lame comedic episode (like Tigh Me Up). And while there were certainly parts of it that I laughed at, it was mainly because of how stupid the characters were all acting, instead of anything intentional on the writers' part. Why were we forced to endure countless minutes of mind-numbing singing from Lt. Gaeta, who was whining about losing his leg while everyone else around him there were losing their frakkin' lives? Why did we have to get scenes of Anders practically worshipping the ground that Gaeta now can't walk on, as if that's supposed to lead us to believe that Felix could actually be a goddam Cylon? If anyone is a Cylon, it's probably Dualla, as she was walking the path at the end where Grace Park as Athena met nobody but fellow Cylon models along the way...

Admiral Adama really has become a pussy in the season, hasn't he? When he's not reading bed-time stories to the bitch who has completely whipped all manliness from his spine, he's now pining over Lee's departure for Colonial One or sucking up to Tigh when it comes to Cylon-like intuition. I really do miss the badass Edward James Olmos that we had gotten all the way to Exodus last season, and we got a rare glimpse of it again here when he was preparing to fire all batteries on the base star that had jumped in on the fleet. But as soon as Tigh uttered to hold fire, the Admiral was back to being his pussy-whipped self all over again. When will the real Adama please stand up and come back to the badass last supper already?...

Instead, the only other Adama we get stuck with was the stuck-up prick known only as Lee. Why did the writers give him the useless purpose of whining and bitching and complaining to the president every single episode? When did we ever care about the rest of the delegates on the council next to Tom Zarek, and who really still gives a shit about their feelings or well-being? The concept of martial law and dictatorship versus democracy during a time of great uncertainty and crisis had already been examined much more interestingly and in-depth back in the first and second seasons. So why the fuck are the writers ruining Lee's character even further by a) separating him from his father, b) separating him from Starbuck, and c) rehashing the same old political bullshit storylines that had my eyes rolling three fucking years ago. WTF?...

On Colonial One, we also got the conflict between the president and Tori, although that really went nowhere but for less gratuitous shots of the Cylon's ass when fucking over Gaius Baltar. It was strange how Tori still acts towards Laura Roslin like she always has before, either to hide her Cylon nature or simply because she still has faith in the person in the chair. Doesn't matter so much, except it just threw me off a bit that Tori was being a nice girl all over again, even appearing like she would cry when having sex. Kind of preferred her when she was backslapping Cally all across the air lock floors, that's all. Kind of was kinkier and she was doing us all a favour, that's all...

As for the other Cylons? Tigh was acting all scared when it came to his identity, which felt out of character for what we knew of him, but it makes sense in the grander scheme of things. Anders was a fucking waste of time and space as usual, and Chief Tyrol was just there to take Hera off of the Six's hands. The only real plus in this entire episode was the fact that we got more brilliant shots of Grace Park looking graceful as always in the cutest of clothes, and the parallelism of her attack on the Six model versus Cally's bullet shots to Boomer a long while back. I could've done without the return of the Opera House plotline however, with the visions that connect Athena with the president, while giving Caprica Six two seconds worth of screen time for shits and giggles. I wouldn't mind knowing what the hell is up with that storyline, but right now, it makes about as much sense as the four fucking toed statue in goddam fucking Lost...

So yeah, I wasn't a huge fan of this episode. It was dumbass how the writers neutered both of the Adamas, it was idiotic of the president to reconnect the Hybrid to the point of letting it do whatever it wanted with the ship, and the writers still aren't making any fucking sense when it comes to the visions that are simply so frakkin' boring to tell. And oh right, Gaeta's singing was supposed to be dramatic and tear-jerking. Yeah fucking right. Can he lose his fucking voice box along with his goddam leg already, please?...

When I first heard of the title, "What's Coming to Dinner?", I really did think it was a joke...

... instead, for the most part, this episode was quite the joke...

Yet it was still better than every other hour but for Faith so far this season by far...

... come to think of it, that's probably the biggest joke of them all...

Friday, May 16th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Smallville: Arctic small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

If there's one good thing that I can say about Smallville on the whole, it's that their season finales usually do goddam deliver...

And Arctic? Well, Arctic was a good episode, I'll give it that. Potentially the best of the seventh season of the show...

It just wasn't nearly as good as I had hoped from previous season finales, you know?...

And why?... well?...

... wait for it...

... ahem...

"So Lex Luthor now knows Clark Kent's secret identity? I thought that'd happen when hell freezes over, not when he visits the goddam Arctic. Have the writers completely thrown Superman continuity out of the window? WTF?"...

Okay, so I think it's been confirmed by now, Smallville is in its own little bubble of a parallel universe, where Bizarro Clark Kent is the real hero of the show. Really, I know Michael Rosenbaum will be nothing but a guest star next season, but how the fuck are the writers going to deal with not just the best actor left on the series being gone, but also the fact that Lex Luthor should now be able to kill Clark Kent with a fucking green glowing rock? Don't get me wrong, I loved the final confrontation between him and Kal-El in the Fortress of Solitude, although it was far too short for my liking, and it really made no sense why Jor'El didn't even bother to try to stop Lex from glowing the orb of doom (unless Clark isn't the Traveller, that is). But while the payoff between the two mortal enemies drawn on cave walls was decent, it still makes no context with the eighth season of the show or the entire goddam Superman mythos on the whole. What were the writers thinking? WTF?...

Like I said, Arctic was a good episode, but it could've been so much more. We've had great moments on season finales in the past, like Clark running straight into a tornado or using the Kryptonian stones to build the Fortress of Solitude. But since Zod emerged from his prison and beat down the world as the cave people without technology that we are, Smallville has sort of just been floating in space like Kara Kent was here, with no real direction and no real purpose but to keep more profits lining the pockets of those at the WB. And I still don't get what the hell the people at management are thinking, getting rid of Laura Vandervoort as well from the series. How the fuck can they eliminate the one girl that truly looks smokin' hot as hell on a daily planet fucking basis? WTF?...

Okay, so I admit, Chloe Sullivan did look cute as hell in that get-up of hers while Jimmy the idiotic Bimmy was proposing on one knee. Brainiac was the one was got all hot and sweaty from sucking on her tits all episode long, but suffice to say, Allison Mack can drain me in every possible way anytime she fucking wants. It's good to know that her contract has been renewed for the eighth season of the show, as I don't think I could've dealt with Jimmy still being on the cast if both Kara Kent and Chloe Sullivan were nowhere to be found. She really is the heart and soul of this series, and I even felt bad for her after she got her mind wiped and sucked out by the tentacle raping Brainiac there. She showed a lot of guts too in taking on Kara Kent with Kryptonite by herself, as she always sacrifices her life for the one and only Clark dumbass Kent. Good thing she never technically said yes to Jimmy before getting caught by Homeland Security, otherwise that really would've sealed her fate to house-wife status the way the series has been dumbing her down for years. Can't have Clark looking that damn dumbass in comparison, of course...

I've already complained about Jimmy still being onboard for the eighth season of the show, but at least I can be thankful that Kristen Kreuk is finally gone and filming Street Fighter 2 for the betterment of all humanity. To be honest, I didn't mind the fact that all we got from her as a farewell was a video recording that I didn't even pay attention to. All I do remember, is that it all made Clark Kent cry like a pussy river, and that it gave a new life and hope to his relationship with Lois Lane which will hopefully start next season or some shit like that. Erica Durance has been unfortunately wasted all season long aside from her crush on Clark in the parallel past episode, so I'm hoping with Lana Lang finally gone and hopefully murdered in a back alleyway for pimping and drugs, that it's now Lois Lane's turn to shine. Now, if only we can get Michael Ironside back to get into a nuclear tank and blow shit up as well, then maybe I wouldn't feel so bad about Superman continuity literally being thrown out of the goddam window...

Still, even with Kristen finally gone, how can I forgive the writers for completely phasing out Kara Kent in favour of Jimmy the fucking Bimmy? The actress did a great job as a queen bitch here in Arctic, whether she was busting out the judo chops on everyone's favourite Robert Picardo, or doing the evil seductive look to Chloe with the Kryptonite like we all wish happened earlier in the season. I personally thought Laura did a great job as Brainiac here in this episode, and her chemistry with Lex Luthor has always been there, especially when she gets all hot and spicy and fired up with that heat vision of hers. Just like I can forgive BSG as long as we get multiple gratuitous shots of Grace Park all around the place, I can forgive Smallville as long as we get scenes of Kara Kent in a smokin' hot tank top, desperately licking her own milk off of the Kent farm floor. Now, I don't know what to think of what I just wrote, to be honest, but as a desperate man hoping she returns, I'm asking WB to just please goddam reconsider...

Another mistake the writers made was to kill off Brainiac again, unless this isn't the final time. Aside from Lionel and Lex, Milton Fine has been the only good villain that the writers have ever made up. And to this day, I'm still surprised that they managed to make such a cheesy villain from the Superman comic books into the crafty T-1000 bastard he is on the series. My only regret, was that he always goes out in one of the wussiest ways possible. Getting stabbed by a Kryptonian knife years ago was one thing, but being crushed by a rock back on Krypton was just embarrassing. I was going to write that at least the writers realized that and brought him back for one more true fight, but then he got his ass whooped by a bunch of human-based electricity, something that has had zero effect on him before. I know he was still all hot and sexed up from Chloe that same night, but it just wasn't the final showdown with Clark that I was hoping would happen. Brainiac has always had more brawn, more varied powers, more knowledge and more fucking clones of himself to beat down Clark with every step of the way. I just hope he makes another return, as James Marsters deserves a true send-off from the wretched series he actually made tolerable now and again...

As good as Brainiac was though in Arctic, Michael Rosenbaum still managed to steal the show yet again. Like I mentioned before, I wish his long-awaited confrontation with Clark consisted of more than just the latter cowering away in the corner like a little baby, but I suppose it was consistent with the rest of his character and heroism. What I did enjoy about their little brotherly spat near the end, was that Lex really was playing the role of the "hero", honestly acting like he believed he was saving humanity with his actions. Now, I don't get why he destroyed the Fortress of Solitude like he did instead of just taking control of Clark, unless he really does see Kent like an equal brother, or that a human is just too damn stupid to control the Fortress like a Kryptonian actually can. Either way, it leaves the door open for Lex Luthor to return in the future after a huge bout of amnesia from a bunch of damn crystals falling on his head. As corny and cheesy and pathetic as that would be, I just hope it happens so we can get Michael Rosenbaum back on the goddam show already...

Because please tell me that we won't be stuck with just Tom fucking Welling on the goddam series. Just like with last year's season finale, he really was the weakest link of the bunch here again, being a complete dumbass in following Brainiac when he was posing as Kara Kent, and then still being too fucking lazy to follow Lex Luthor around the world to beat him down when he still had a chance. Superman here in Smallville is one of the dumbest and more illogical superheroes I think I have ever fucking been forced to witness. Why bother building a device to control him, when the world would be so much safer and sexier if we had one that governed Kara Kent and Allison Mack instead? WTF?...

Like I said, Arctic was good. Alas, the rest of the seventh season of Smallville was not, to say the least...

Heh, I once said that I'd refuse to watch Smallville until hell fucking froze over...

... and yet here I am, waiting to see what happens after Arctic in season fucking eight...

... what... the... fuck...

Sunday, May 11th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Battlestar Galactica: Faith Review (Spoilers...) -

You know, sometimes you've just got to have a little faith...

... and I'm not just talking about Dollhouse and Joss Whedon's long-awaited return to television here...

The fourth season of Battlestar Galactica up to this point has been a wild and bewildering disappointment, even compared to the lacklustre end of season three. But finally the writers' came through here, with at least one single episode that made sense within the context of itself. Faith didn't keep me on the edge of my seat or anything, but definitely had enough moments to make it an hour that I don't regret wasting away in my life. And that's something I haven't been able to say since basically goddam Exodus...

Small little things, like Anders being so tempted to put his hand in the Cylon goo, kept this episode entertaining for the most part. And how the fuck can I really complain about a sudden influx of so many clones and copies of everyone's favourite Number Eight? Eight is considered a lucky number in Oriental culture, and except for the complete lack of naked Cylons of that model number running around the base star, I'd consider us pretty damn lucky for all the sights and sounds of Grace Park that we did get here instead. Not only was Faith an excellent episode for Athena onboard the Raptor to prove her loyalty and worth yet again to the Colonials, but the actress did a great job in playing the other Eight who was begging for forgiveness on her final deathbed. With Anders taking her hand instead of Athena whom she was calling for, it's the little touches like that which remind me of how good Battlestar Galactica can be at times...

Of course, most of the season is normally wasted away by the writers, such as giving us such a bullshit cliffhanger to start things off with. Kara Thrace was completely out of her mind in the past episode, not even thinking clearly until five minutes into this week's show to even consider just sending the goddam Raptor they had onboard as a scout. Seriously, why the fuck did nobody think of something so obvious last time around? The only reason I didn't consider the Raptor myself, was that I forgot they even had a goddam fucking scoutship onboard. Why did it take Lt. Gaeta getting shot in the leg, then whining like a little bitch the rest of the way about being a goddam amputee, to get anybody on the goddam Demetrius to even remotely start using their brains? And did we really need to have that whole "human aspect" of Lt. Gaeta begging for his health, when I and probably most of the audience were hoping he'd lose the other leg as well? WTF?...

If there was one central flaw to Faith, it was the secondary plotline that defined the very title of the episode. The president got to talk about religion and spirituality with Kira Nerys (Nana Visitor), looking not so hot after Odo had left her behind on Deep Space 9. Finally, the writers make some sense in claiming the Greek religions that everyone in this technological culture seems to take so seriously are just "metaphors", although this completely does not jive with how Kara Thrace or Admiral Adama or even goddam Chief Tyrol seem to behave whenever they're alone and private. Either way, it seems that the president herself has never really believed in the Elysian Fields herself, despite having visions that she believes will lead her to earth. It's fair enough that her returning cancer would call her spirituality and tenets of faith into question, but really, did the writers really have to draw it all out over the course of an hour, with a bunch of eye-rolling contradictions and conclusions that actually do lead to Baltar's goddam groupie "religion"? WTF?...

Then again, I don't technically mind a really slow and grating secondary plotline, as long as the primary one is decent enough to hold my interest. And just seeing all the interactions between the crew of the Demetrius and the survivors aboard the base ship, and especially realizing just how effective Tricia Helfair is at acting as so many different variants of the Six model, really did keep me watching for more. The talk with the Hybrid, as dumbass as those creations are in my mind, was actually chilling in some respects, especially when Kara Thrace was told exactly what we already knew from the shit movie known as Razor. The question is, did the others hear the final moments of the Hybrid's speech, or only the beginnings about the third Cylon model leading the allied fleet to the Final Five from earth?...

Overall, I admit that Faith was really the first decent episode of the fourth season of the series, although that's definitely not saying much...

Now, if only the writers can keep up this momentum and actually produce more hours that shake my beliefs that this series is such shit?...

... well then, I guess, sometimes you've just got to have a wee bit of faith...

... and hopefully a lot of copies of Grace fucking Park...

Saturday, May 10th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Smallville: Quest small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Wow, so this is where the whole Veritas storyline would lead to? A balding Mr. Teague who tries to kick Lex's ass with a stick? WTF?...

This was the whole payoff for Lionel Luthor's death? The discovery that Krypton is in the Pegasus Galaxy, and that Robert Picardo found remnants of it back in the goddam Delta Quadrant as well? WTF?...

This was officially one of the most embarrassing episodes of Smallville I have ever painfully witnessed...

And why?... well?...

... wait for it...

... ahem...

"An episode named 'Quest', and yet there were still no dragons. Seriously, where the fuck are my dragons? What the flying fuck? WTF?"...

It wasn't just the complete lack of Reign of Fire that disappointed me here in Quest. It was also the fact that Robert Picardo was given such a horrible role here, compared to what we know he's capable of from Star Trek Voyager and Stargate Atlantis. Here, he's reduced to a monk-dressed psychotic who claims to Clark, "if you turned against us, we'd have no chance". Meanwhile, that same unstoppable Kent there was lying helpless on a sacrificial table surrounded by The Secret of the Ooze, all simply because Mr. Teague had actually shone a little radioactive rock in the goddam idiot's face. I mean seriously, he had the invincible weapon Clark there completely at his mercy, begging for forgiveness. Really, does he see the irony? WTF?...

It was nice to see Chloe back, considering it's still not known whether she's coming back for the eighth season of the show or not. Having her fly in a jet to Montreal as quickly as Clark could run though, somehow felt far too forced and far too much from left field even for Smallville. Having her save the day, then potentially be left behind by Clark yet again who completely forget she was there, was definitely what I expected from the series' writers however. I do honestly hope that she returns for the eighth season of the show, however. Smallville just won't be the same without her random road trips to the Arctic with her Yaris with unlimited mileage, of course...

And what can I say about Clark Kent? He was a total fucking pussy the whole way through, getting beat down by the only damn Scientology follower he has. Seriously, what kind of superhero being is that, being dumb enough to expose his super strength in public and then being idiotic enough to get strapped half naked to a table without a hot bitch there to make it appear alright. There was one and only one single decent moment in the entire episode, and that was when Clark destroyed the grandfather clock without even knowing what the fuck he was doing. Then he "X-rayed Lex" to see if he had anything on him, saw nothing, and then once again was too damn lazy and dumbass to even wait around five damn minutes to see what the fuck Lex would do. Wow, what a brilliant and ever vigilant hero. Suddenly, I'm thinking Edward Teague had the right idea all along...

The only redeeming actor throughout this entire waste of an hour was Michael Rosenbaum once again. And unfortunately for us the audience, we all know he's not returning to the show next year, not that I can blame him after embarrassments such as Quest. But whether Lex was holding Doc Cottle away from the Battlestar Galactica as hostage, or beating down on Edward Teague with a pointed badass stick, Michael Rosenbaum really did all he could to make this episode into something bearable to watch. And I admit, the final scene where he figured out the final clue to Veritas and then possessed the Q-ball of Kryptonian death, actually had me interested enough to care about what happens in this year's season finale. I just wish we could've skipped the first fifty minutes of the show before getting to that goddam point...

Because sure, I know Smallville just loves to pick up every actor they can find in the general Vancouver Metropolis area...

... but Robert Picardo really should've just stayed aboard the goddam Starship Voyager...

And considering how much goddam fucking shit that series was too?...

... then hell yeah, that's saying a lot...

Sunday, May 4th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Battlestar Galactica: The Road Less Traveled Review (Spoilers...) -

I admit, I don't regret traveling the road that was this week's episode of Battlestar Galactica. At least, it was a huge improvement over last week's shit...

But really, that's not saying much. The Road Less Traveled was an episode that had some decent character moments, including the death of some random person that I can't even remember the name of. It featured Lt. Gaeta not being completely useless, it starred the return of Leoben which is always welcome, and there were more than enough gratuitous shots of Grace Park being hot as hell in a tank top aboard the Demetrius. Now, why the hell the writers didn't take advantage of the fact she's a goddam Cylon, and had more scenes (or any scenes) with her interrogating the Cylon prisoner, I will never know. But at least I can't complain about how damn fine she looked the whole hour through...

Problem is, for a cliffhanger episode, The Road Less Traveled seemed like a journey we've been to time and time again. Maybe I could've sided with pussy ass Helo in his mutiny near the end, if only we viewers out there didn't already know that this Leoben was actually telling the goddam truth. The Cylons are at Civil War, his base ship really is damaged and desperate for help, and we know that there are plenty of Cylon stranglers out there just waiting to become humanity's allies. So really, while I could understand Helo's and Sharon's point of view from a completely neutral and ignorant point of view, how the fuck am I supposed to side with them or even give a damn about this cliffhanger when we really know there's no threat out there? In the end, Helo just looks like even more of a pansy, just a dumbass one to boot. WTF?...

This episode centered around Kara Thrace most of all, although her storyline really has gone absolutely nowhere this season. We viewers out there are desperate to find out who the final Cylon is (if it ain't an Adama, it's probably Dualla), or at least figure out what the fuck is up with Kara and her new psychotic nature. What we the audience cannot stand however, is that the writers are dragging out her crazy bitchiness throughout so many fucking episodes with really no plot development whatsoever. Yes, the Demetrius is going in circles, we get it and we were sick of that storyline two episodes ago already. Do we really need to go through yet another hour of the crew bitching and whining and moaning that Kara Thrace has jumped off the fucking deep end? Do we really need more and more screentime devoted to her painting random shit on ship walls and beating up Leoben for the umpteenth time? WTF?...

Surprisingly though, the place where I found the most meaning and peace was with the Tyrol and Gaius Baltar thing they've got going on. Now, I have no idea why the Chief shaved his head bald, except to look like an older and fatter version of his own son. But the conflict he has in his heart, while it bored me to tears last week, felt a lot more real and genuine this week in all the ways he tried to resist Baltar's message but couldn't help himself in the end. As for Baltar, James Callis did a fine job in seeming like a man possessed, or at least converted for real in his own heart. The speech he gave Tyrol at the end really did feel genuine and meaningful, and from our point of view at least, it did not seem like it was forced out by the Six in his head or any sort of crap like that. Now, if I was Tyrol, I'd still kick the crap out of Baltar for shits and giggles instead of shaking his hand. Either way though, this side story plotline for The Road Less Traveled was what captivated me and kept this episode from being the same sort of boring shit as last week's showing was...

I don't regret watching this episode. It kept my interest for the most part, if only because Leela Sevasta by Baltar's side was still looking damn smokin' fucking hot as hell. But if Battlestar Galactica continues dragging on pointless plotlines like they have with Kara Thrace, the Demetrius, and Colonel Tigh dreaming of a young Ellen Page?...

... then it's only a matter of time until I find myself traveling far less down this road...

... since, if this is all the fourth season of Battlestar Galactica has to offer?...

... then I'm sorry Baltar, but it just doesn't sound like the path for me...

Saturday, May 3rd, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Smallville: Apocalypse small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

Is it me, or does Tom Welling actually do a good job when directing?...

It boggles the mind really, how the shittiest ass actor in the history of television can somehow turn it around the one or two times he's actually given the power to direct...

And why?... well?...

... wait for it...

... ahem...

"So, they name an episode after a bad Marvel character, force Tom Welling to wear glasses for once, and I actually end up liking it all? WTF?"...

Apocalypse was definitely one of the better episodes of the season, or at least the first half of it was. It really did feel like a Superman show set with Smallville characters and actors, for the first time in God knows how long. The alternate reality that Jor'El was showing Clark Kent, it actually felt a hell of a lot more real than anything a director not named Tom Welling has shown the audience over the past seven years. Here we had a Jimmy that actually acted like an Olsen, a Lois Lane that was actually sexy and smart and kind of kinky, a Chloe Sullivan that was really only there for show and tell with her cute ass hair and smile, and thank God there was no fucking Lana Lang. Finally, we had a real Superman episode, the kind of which we fans have been demanding from the series for seven long years.

And to think, it was all delivered by Tom fucking Welling, as even he was willing to don the Clark Kent glasses for at least five seconds of actual real Superman time. WTF?...

The alternate timeline that Jor'El had concocted in his mind, it actually made a lot of sense when compared to the actual DC universe. Lex Luthor becomes president just like he did in the comic books, although in the latter he never did get to nuke the entire planet before aliens started invading from up high. Now, I will never understand why the fuck Luthor was dumb enough to start the reign of fire over the earth before he had even gotten himself into a goddam bunker, but I don't disagree with the logic of his plan. In that white suit of his, Michael Rosenbaum proved yet again just how much of a bastard he is, treating the whole idea of mass genocide of the human race as if it was the best thing to happen to the world. I guess I wouldn't have had much of a problem if I was one of the selected few to live on in a post-apocalyptic world full of nuclear winter and waste. But meh, since I'm not one of his best and brightest, guess I should be a little pissed at his armageddon...

The real threat behind it all was Brainiac, with Milton Fine being the silent partner behind the scenes. The thing is though, why the hell did he have to use Lex to make his move? Can't Brainiac just touch a random laptop computer, hack every security protocol in ten milliseconds flat, and take over the world's nuclear arsenal as if he was goddam Skynet? Why does he need Lex anyways, why not just lock him and Kara up in a bunker to keep them for Zod, and then nuke the rest of the planet himself? He could've done all that, but James Marsters never likes to steal the spotlight so much, instead letting Michael Rosenbaum prove he's the baddest son of a bitch on the entire planet before the actor has to leave the show. The both of them paired together provided two of the only decent villains this series has ever had, and it was great to see them side by side for at least one episode before the seventh season would end...

I've already mentioned how I preferred the Pulitzer-winning Lois Lane in this alternate timeline, or how Jimmy actually felt like his DC counterpart for the first time in the goddam series. What really stuck out to me in this alternate world though, was actually Kara Kent's (or Kara Luthor's) plight. She cared about Lex, probably with deep feelings like it has been hinted in the past. Not only that, but Lex actually had kept her secret hidden from the world for years, either so he can keep her all for himself or because he does care about her too. The dynamic between the both of them was strangely enough well directed by Tom Welling, and I couldn't help but feel bad for Kara in her situation. She trusted Lex, even if it meant the end of the second world she's known. And then she proved too stupid to dodge even a goddam Kryptonite bullet before it's fired, but I guess she still really has those Clark Kent dumbass genes, no matter who she's raised by...

Out of all of the surprises, Tom Welling putting in a good role while he was directing was probably the biggest shocker of them all. But in all fairness, I actually enjoyed his presence here in Apocalypse, if only because he felt more like Superman than ever before. Whether he was sweeping Lois Lane literally off her feet or trying to get down and dirty with Sheriff Adams on the dance floor, somehow Clark Kent in this alternate universe actually gave a damn enough to make him feel a lot more like Superman. This was one of the usual Sci-Fi "what-if" scenario episodes, showing Clark what life would be like on earth without him, albeit with Jor'El's bias point of view mixed in. And to be honest, I got a real kick out of Apocalypse simply because it showed just what this series could have been if only decent writers and directors had existed on this show. If only we got more moments of Clark Kent pushing up his glasses and getting shot in the gut with Kryptonite bullets, if only we had more truly fateful confrontations between him and villains like Lex Luthor and Brainiac, maybe Smallville wouldn't be the complete waste of utter goddam shit that it is today...

Because unfortunately, as soon as the alternate universe stuff was up, that's when Apocalypse really did feel like the utter demise of television and the goddam series. The moments on Krypton were embarrassingly bad, it was like watching a rehash of the original Star Trek series against the plastic Gorn or some shit like that. Not only was it never explained how the fuck Clark Kent got to Krypton back in 1989 in the first place, not only did Brainiac fucking get killed by a fucking rock from a girl who didn't even have powers on that planet, but where the fuck were Clark's parents there? Did Brainiac steal the baby and then suddenly the two El's just ran off to cower in the shadows of their exploding Red Sun? There was so much potential there for a second part of a cliffhanger episode, yet the writers just squandered it all with the worst budgeted destruction of a planet since the Furlings of Stargate went up in flames. And all this after such a good first half to the episode? WTF?...

Apocalypse to me, really was the definitive "what-if" scenario, of just what this series could have been like if the writers had tried...

... with Lana Lang gone and Kara Kent looking horny as hell sucking down her own milk, how the hell can I not give props?...

Instead though, the series will go down in flames like the planet of Krypton. Because as Jor'El says, you can't change the course of history...

... and alas, I just can't unwatch all the shitty ass episodes of Smallville that I have...

Sunday, April 27th, 2008

Y2kk Update:           - Battlestar Galactica: Escape Velocity Review (Spoilers...) -

Boring. Booooring. BOOOOORING.

Sorry, with the NBA Playoffs in the air, I've gotten a bit too accustomed to chanting with the crowd. And that's exactly what I would've been screaming at the writers after an episode like Escape Velocity. How can a show with such an exciting episode title turn out to be so damn mind-numbing and goddam frakkin' boring, that it put me to sleep even faster than Smallville's "Sleeper"? WTF?...

Seriously, how the fuck could the writers have ever thought giving us an episode in Cally's fucking memory was a good thing? Not only did they completely ignore the Cylon Civil War, not only did they pretty much forget about everything that made Edward James Olmos into a goddam badass in the series, and not only did this episode feature absolutely zero scenes with Grace fucking Park in it, but we got stuck with a goddam fucking eulogy for Cally of all crazy bitches? WTF?...

The only part of the episode I even remotely found compelling was during Tyrol's descent, screaming at the Admiral to take action against him, to give him a demotion. Everything else about Escape Velocity reeked of a writer who probably fell in love with the first season of the show, tried to mimic its weird frakkin' vibe, but failed miserably thanks to forgetting that half of the episodes from the first season were boring as fuck as well. Everything took itself too seriously in this episode for its all good, especially Tigh sucking face with Six, as there was only one moment that I remotely even began to smile at...

"See my hair? This is a wig" - Madame President...

Ha, sure. Nice fucking wig then. Wish I could get those everytime I was in the middle of cancer treatment...

This episode was a joke, and that's mainly due to how damn far Gaius Baltar has fallen as a character. What the fuck do the writers think the audience is going to get from their obvious allusions to Jesus Christ? He was even spouting the same kind of lines that an evangelistic Christian might at his goddam sermon. Why are the writers stirring the pot like they are? Now sure, I don't mind seeing so many hot fucking groupie women, provided that there are a lot of hot asians among them. Problem was, this week the hotties I care about were really nowhere to be found, and all the others got pimp slapped to make themselves look a hell of a lot less hot. How the fuck are we supposed to care about an episode then, when the only thing to even remotely concentrate on is Gaius fucking Baltar making a mockery of earth religion? WTF?...

"All of this has happened before. All of this will happen again."

... dear fucking God, please don't tell me that's where the writers are trying to go with all this...

Otherwise, simply because the plotline is so damn juvenile cliche and so frakkin' eye-rolling to the goddam maximum extreme?...

... I might as well just give up on the fourth season of the show...

... and jump ship, Cally-escape-frakkin'-velocity-style...

[c. visitors too bored to return...]
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