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Welcome to IvanF's IVT No-Name Brand Website -
- noname television,
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Wednesday, September 30th, 2009
Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Savior small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -
Smallville is back. How can I tell? Because the emo angst is back as well, and so are small Smallville weeks in review, apparently…
And why? Well?...
… wait for it…
… ahem…
"Neo vs Trinity fight. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time. I just didn’t expect it between an emo Clark and some random chick from the future. WTF?"
Okay, first of all, why did they finally decide to give Clark Kent a uniform? And second, now that they’ve done the deed and given him his costume, why the hell did they make him into some black trench-coated, mafia wannabe from the Matrix movies? More than that, whatever the name of the Kryptonian woman is who came back from one year in the future, why the hell was she dressed like an emo Trinity and why did the writers think that some dark, broody fight between the two can match the quality and atmosphere of Batman Begins or The Dark Knight or whatever DC series this season is trying to shamelessly emulate?...
I will admit one thing though. The atmosphere of this episode was very different from Smallville before, so much so that it almost felt like a true reboot of the series. Personally, I preferred the feeling I got from last season’s start better, as it didn’t feel as dark and broody and angst-ridden as Savior did. Even so, I did enjoy this episode for what it was worth, especially compared to how disappointing and pathetic the last arc of Smallville last season turned out to be. I liked the way that the scenes were filmed with Tess, Callum Blue as a young Major Zod, and his Kryptonian cloned army. I thought it was very different and something new for the series, which is both a good and bad thing. I don’t know if I like the concept of a series reinventing itself so many seasons later on, but it sure beats rehashing the same shitty trend of the first seven or eight years of the show, especially considering how shit Smallville once was…
With that said, what the hell was the point of all the scenes with the cloned Kryptonians? We found out nothing about them, except that Callum Blue is a pansy of a Zod. Granted, he’s not the General Zod that turned against the rest of his planet quite yet, and it’s always nice to see the kickass, kick-boxing Amelia back from Candor or Atlantis or wherever as one his noname soldiers. But I literally rolled my eyes at the moment when they all knelt before him, since Zod’s speech was one of the lamest I’ve heard since I tried writing fan-fiction back in high school. And what was the point of Tess just sitting there? Really, her brilliant plan was to try to get taped footage of supersmart aliens from a distant planet, and didn’t even bother to make hard copy backups of the videos before their network was infiltrated as anyone would predict? WTF?...
It wasn’t just the Tess and Zod plotline that felt backwards and a dumb spot for the series, especially considering we lost Davis Bloome and his interesting original character from the first half of last season. I also don’t like the dark, broody, wannabe Batman motions that Oliver Queen was going through. His appearance here was token at best, being the whipping boy not only to Clark Kent but also to some random Fight Club red shirt. The actor showed some range and some chemistry with Erica Durance once more, but we all know that’s to be short-lived, especially after the ending we got with Lois in PJ’s in bed…
Chloe was also a dark-spot on the series, though I do still realize that Allison Mack is the best and cutest actress the series has to offer. But really, the writers have completely ruined her character along with Oliver’s in order to add layers of so-called Dark Knight "depth" to their personalities. Oliver Queen was great as a role model for Clark Kent in the past, but not so much as some lost superhero these days. Chloe last season went completely Lana Lang dumbass in trying to save Davis by spending time with him, leading him on and pretending to love him when apparently all she cares about still is Jimmy. And now here, I understand that she’s in pain and she misses him, but demanding Clark to bring Jimmy back from the past is something she must realize should not be done. She’s become a selfish character over the years, and it doesn’t help that now she’s forced down our throats with goddam Gaeta from BSG as well. I just hope that the writers finally give her some redemption, before her "death" that we witness in Lois’ dream…
What I did like about this episode dealt mainly with Lois Lane. First of all, it’s always great to see Brian Austin Greene back, as he surprised me with his acting on Terminator in its first season, and once again he showed charm and poise here. As for Erica Durance, I thought it would lead nowhere how her character was sent to the future in last season’s finale, but her resulting "flash forward" in her dreams here definitely has led to some interest for the rest of the year. Her chemistry with Clark is still undeniable and it was actually a touching scene how she ran all sweaty to the phone booth in desperation to meet the Red Blue Blur. I really think Erica Durance is turning into the star of this series, and it’s kind of a shame that she’s still only in 13 or 14 scheduled episodes a year. She by far has the most interesting plotline and dynamic…
Finally we come to Clark Kent. I didn’t like how he was simply dark and disturbed in a monotonous way the whole hour through, but I did appreciate that the writers have continued to make him a smarter superhero, making the hard but right decisions. Last year, he came up with the notion to send Davis to the Phantom Zone, and later to separate the man from the beast with black kryptonite. This season already, he showed true devotion and protection of Lois Lane and a clear, logical head when arguing with Chloe that he cannot play God. I wish the writers could make Clark Kent intelligent without making all previously tolerable characters into complete dumbasses at the same time. I’m still no fan of Tom Welling or his robotic range of acting, but he played the role of Neo here well and his chemistry with Erica Durance feels real. It gives me renewed hope for the series, although it’s sad to think that I now feel Keanu Reeves has more acting chops and facial expressions than Tom Welling showed here…
Was this episode the saviour of the series? Not if the ratings are to be concerned, now that Smallville has been moved to Friday nights known only as the death slot for shows. There’s a real reality that this will be the final year of the series, and while I don’t want to fall into the same trap as last season when I fell in love with the first half and was left completely disillusioned with the second? Savior definitely was a decent episode and gave me a lot of hope for what perhaps is the final year for the show. Though for now, I take it all with a grain of salt and hopefully some random kickboxer from Candor, please…
Plus, Trinity got killed yet again. Always a good thing. What else is new?
Saturday, May 16th, 2009
Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Doomsday small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -
Doomsday. Might as well have called the episode Total Fucking Disappointment…
And why? Well?...
… wait for it…
… ahem…
"That’s it? A two minute fight between Clark and Doomsday, and then it turns out we’ve been putting up with a fake Jimmy this whole time? This is what I waited a whole season for? WTF?"…
First, let me talk about the things I did like about this episode. Well, Lois finally made her return and got a few decent moments in with Clark. What was more entertaining though was her cat-fight with Tess, and I’ve got to say that sometimes Smallville really does those bitch battles rather well. I’ve really enjoyed the Lois Lane character this season and her chemistry with Tom Welling has been undeniable this year. But really, what the hell were the writers thinking about the cliffhanger they determined for her? She gets sent to the future for what reason? Just so the writers can make Clark go even more emo and alone at the end?...
I’ve really hated the Oliver Queen storyline for the season. He murdered Lex Luthor, big deal. Oliver is human and every human is prone to weakness for the greater good or whatnot. What’s annoying is that Clark no longer seems to care about Oliver even though that goes against his own moral code of always trying to save a human soul. The writers have now turned one of the best duos in the history of the series into the next Clark Kent and Lana Lang relationship. I liked the fact that the Justice League was back in this episode, trying to take out Doomsday in Edge City. What I don’t like is that this angsty plotline for Oliver Queen seems to be continuing on into the next season. Really, when Lana met up with Oliver in Bride, I never would’ve imagined the old shitty writers for the series would return with her too…
Chloe was dumb as a rock and I really don’t get what the writers have chosen to do with her character. She was still clinging onto saving Davis, but it turned out that she didn’t love him at all? Seriously, all her whining and running away throughout the second half of the season was because she wanted to be a moral being? WTF? I don’t buy it, either the character is lying through her teeth or the people behind the show had no idea how to set up this plotline or stay true to her personality whatsoever. Seriously, at least the writers could’ve written something in there, that she chose Jimmy over him after seeing Davis do something wrong by choice. But instead, they just make her a total bitch in wanting to kill off all humanity, left Davis for no reason whatsoever, and then indirectly lead to Jimmy’s death. Wait, then again, isn’t that a good thing? Maybe I should be thanking the writers for her goddam stupidity then…
Except for one thing. It wasn’t the "real" Jimmy that was killed off on the series. What the hell is the writers’ problem, giving us hope that Olsen was gone for good, only for it to turn out that he was "Henry Jimmy" the whole time? I understand that maybe it was DC that ordered this change because of the age of the character (they wanted Jimmy to be much younger than Lois or Clark), but that doesn’t change the fact that it makes the entire character’s existence feel like a complete cop-out. I never liked this Jimmy, though at least he got to die somewhat happy with Chloe in love with him and finally knowing the secret of Clark Kent. I literally cheered in happiness when Davis split Olsen in half with a lead pipe, and then pulled my hair out when it turned out there was another Jimmy Olsen lying in wait the whole bloody hell time. Dear God, what the hell is wrong with the writers? Why give us hope then take it all away?…
Everything dealing with Davis and Doomsday was just awful this episode. First of all, Doomsday only had about two minutes of action, and it makes no sense why the strongest character in all of DC could be trapped underground by just rocks in a mine. Davis himself though was no better, as it just didn’t ring true that he would kill Jimmy in cold blood and threaten to wipe out Chloe as well. I understand that he was never the greatest guy to begin with, burying tons of bodies underneath farmland until he finally decided to do something about himself. But for him to suddenly snap as the true villain of the season after trying so hard to contain the beast within? It’s not that it doesn’t make sense for human nature, it just doesn’t make sense with what we’ve seen of Davis so far. He was a good guy in a bad situation and while it’s always possible that he would become a murderer after the love of his life turns her back on him, I just don’t buy it. It felt rushed, a complete cop-out, and he didn’t even kill the real goddam Jimmy. WTF?...
And don’t get me started on Clark. Why did he suddenly decide to shed his humanity, as he put it? Why did he decide to suddenly go as emo as he was throughout the first seven years of the series? It’s good that he wants to save lives, but it just comes out of the blue that he would suddenly want to cut all ties that make him happy with his life. It felt like a childish regression of his character, that’s all. I would understand better if there was some sort of development towards this throughout the course of the season, but this sudden "Kryptonification" of him and Davis becoming a psycho murder just seemed to appear out of goddam nowhere. Their opposite paths didn’t feel developed and they don’t feel authentic. Combine that with absolutely one of the most disappointing battles ever even in the history of Smallville, and sadly the only highlights of the episode become the Lois bitch fight and Jimmy the fucking Bimmy finally leaving his mark in the ground once and for all…
It’s almost as if the writers are stereotypical office workers. As soon as a new season of the show was secured, as soon as their jobs were safe for one more year, they all went lazy and fell back on old habits of creating the worst television in the history of the planet. Everything that happened this year after Bride, aside from a few gems like Zatanna, just felt forced and rushed and underdeveloped and goddam phony compared to how true the first half of the season felt to what a Superman series should feel like. What the hell happened to derail the series and leave it trapped in a mine shaft these past few months? WTF?...
To say I’m disappointed in Doomsday is an understatement. This season of Smallville had so much hope and potential, only for the writers to ruin it all with the same old shit from before. I expected an amazing final battle between Clark and Doomsday, the kind of which we fans have been demanding all year long. I expected chemistry to spark between Lois and Clark. I expected Chloe to be as cute and adorable and as smart as she always has been before. And I expected Jimmy the Bimmy to fucking die. Well, then again, maybe I should try to appreciate what we have. At least one out of four is not that damn bad…
I had hope that this would be the first year of Smallville that I could actually end off on a positive note. Wow, was I ever wrong. I’m back on the Doomsday bandwagon, in terms of the fate of the show, at least…
Next year better not disappoint. Or at least, it better not bring me false hope again…
Saturday, May 9th, 2009
Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Injustice small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -
Clark Kent gets his ass whooped yet again. What else is new? Where’s the justice in that?...
After an entire season of subtlely hyping up the Injustice League, this is the episode that we get? Seriously, this is the pay-off, with Clark Kent losing his powers for the umpteenth time? WTF?...
And why? Well?...
… wait for it…
… ahem…
"This is the team Tess put together? A group of emo kids who eventually turn on her thanks to her own stupidity? Really, Tess is meant to be Lex’s replacement yet this bungled mini-evil is the only thing we get from her before her last minute orgasm? WTF?"…
I’m sorry, maybe I would’ve enjoyed this episode for what it was worth in any other season, but not during this season of the show when there was so much potential and shockingly good writing for the first half of the season. What has happened since then? Oliver Queen murdered Lex Luthor and now he’s just the male version of Lana Lang angst. Jimmy got addicted to drugs and became even more useless and annoying on screen than he was before. Chloe lost her brain by spending all her time with a super-powered serial killer when there was a logical solution to the problem last week. I mean seriously, what the hell is wrong with the writers when Clark Kent has become the only intelligent character on the series? WTF?...
There was just so much build-up to all the running threads of the season that I expected so much more this year. Tess was hyped up to be a bitch of a villainous at the start of the season, but this is the payoff we get? She first fails miserably by having some teeny boppers turn on her and kick her ass, and then she goes into orgasmic mode with some light-show from a talking voice or some crap like that? How are we supposed to care for her character with writing such as this? Sure, the actress sure looks damn nice, but so did Lana Lang at times and that didn’t stop me from being the first to kick her off the show…
Once again, it’s the farmboy who comes up with the surprisingly decent idea to save the day. Black Kryptonite to separate Davis from Doomsday is not a bad plan, although I guess the true Superman wouldn’t want to kill the beast within either if it’s sentient. Still, I give credit to the writers for thinking things through, only for it all to be ruined with Tess masturbating to Kandor in voice-over form. I can’t say I was a fan of Oliver Queen showing up naked in the Luther mansion either, although at least that was one short moment of entertainment in an episode void of anything of importance…
Chloe was intelligent again and bearable too for once. Problem is, it wasn’t Chloe, but at least this episode proves that Allison Mack is still great though the writers are not. Some things never change, I guess. It was decent at least to see Plastique back, considering the actress is relatively easy on the eyes. I just could’ve done without Clark Kent getting his ass handed to him for the umpteenth time by some nobody from the cartoon series or some crap like that. And of course, he was also too dumb to even secure the Black Kryptonite properly as well. Thanks writers. Clark Kent kicks ass, always…
The cast and crew of the series have only one episode left to truly redeem themselves. Maybe I wouldn’t be bashing the show as much as I am if only the writers didn’t get my hopes up earlier on in the season. Problem is, in the first half of the year, it felt like we had a show about Superman. Now all we have left is goddam Smallville. Uggh…
And to me, that truly is the greatest injustice.
Sunday, May 3rd, 2009
Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Beast small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -
Wow, okay. Just when I thought Chloe couldn’t get any dumber this season, the Smallville writers decide to turn her even more into Lana Lang…
And why? Well?...
… wait for it…
… ahem…
"Why the hell wouldn’t it be a good idea to send Doomsday to the Phantom Zone? Davis wanted to kill himself, and at least keeping him in an alternate universe gives time to find a solution. Yet Chloe is now fine with destroying the world in the long run? Is this suddenly Bizarro World? WTF?"
Chloe seems to be thinking with her heart here and not her mind. While she always has been the heart and soul of the show to some extent, she was also the brains behind the operation and it makes little sense to me why she would care so much for her own feelings over that of the safety of the world. It just doesn’t seem to ring true for the character at all, not after so many years of knowing Chloe Sullivan on screen. Is she in love with Davis? Maybe, but even so, I don’t see why Chloe would keep the world in harm’s way. She’s always put the greater good over her own personal feelings. Where’s the consistency of her character?...
For once, I actually thought that Clark had a good idea. If you can’t kill someone who actually wants to die, send them somewhere that they can’t harm anyone. Hell, maybe Davis would even lose his powers in the Phantom Zone, allowing him to either kill himself or live a "human" life as long as he can. Sure, it’s no ideal solution, considering Clark Kent has always been about saving every life no matter the consequences. That’s the whole ideal of Superman, but in certain situations, the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Clark Kent for once was the smart one in the episode. Wait, seriously? WTF?...
Besides that, while some of the special effects in the Fortress of Solitude were alright, I wasn’t exactly a fan of this episode. Davis was alright but his relationship with Chloe is starting to grate on the nerves. Oliver Queen once again proved to be the whipping boy of the series, getting his ass kicked yet again while turning more and more emo every day, as if the writers have to dump some of their left over angst from Lana Lang into somebody on the series. And was Jimmy even in this episode? I don’t even remember anymore, though that’s probably a good thing…
The quality of Beast was exactly as the title suggests. Just not in a good way, that’s all. After a great first two thirds of the eighth season of Smallville, the writers seem to be waning and running out of decent ideas. I just hope that the year ends off on a good note with smart characters and a decent fight that we’ve all been waiting for. They can’t possibly screw that up, can they?...
I just want a taste leftover in my mouth that’s actually positive for once in the history of the show. Then again, look who I’m talking about. Look at the track record of these writers…
That’s the nature of the beast, I guess…
Tuesday, April 28th, 2009
Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Stiletto small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -
Stiletto wasn't really a bad episode, per say. It's just that, I would've preferred a story about a superhero specializing in knives, that's all...
And why?... well?...
... wait for it...
... ahem...
"Clark Kent gets his ass kicked by Kryptonite money? Wow, just when you think you've seen it all, Superman makes me shake my head yet again in shame. WTF?"...
And oh, did I mention that Jimmy the Bimmy was back? Not only was he addicted to drugs that were probably placebo candies in the first place, but he also was back as a hero so to speak, saving Clark Kent of all idiots in what was supposed to be the big Superman moment of the series. I'm sure there was some big significance to Clark Kent, Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen all banding together to save the day together for possibly the first time on the series. I just don't know if I can take it seriously however, when Clark Kent is too dumbass to avoid all the glowing money floating around, Jimmy the Bimmy is getting involved in gang wars thanks to drugs to ease the Max Payne pain, and Lois Lane can somehow fall through a three or four story high window without even a scratch on her eight inch high heels or whatever sort of crap. WTF?...
There were moments that the story was fun, mainly between Clark and Lois when they didn't seem to know each other's identities. Probably the only scene that I remember fondly from this episode was when they were both waiting for the right words to be spoken over the police scanner, and it's always great to see the farmboy switch into his Red-Blue-Blur gear in true Superman fashion. I guess Chloe had her moments too, although her handling of molten human flesh at the end was probably a bit too drastic of a turn for her character, especially after seeing that she still is together with Davis Bloome in next week's preview. There were definitely sparks of romance between the lead characters of each relationship, with Clark and Lois versus Chloe and Davis mirroring each other reasonably well. I just wish Jimmy the Bimmy wasn't shoving his way back into the thick and middle of it all to fuck things up, that's all. Why can't Doomsday just finish the job already?...
Is there anything nice that I can say about Jimmy's character? He whined his way through photographing Stiletto for publicity, and making him the next Homer Simpson in terms of drug addiction was possibly the lamest character arc ever written since Willow in the first half of Buffy season six. He dragged every other character down, whether it was Chloe mentioning his Facebook status or Lois Lane feigning interest in wherever the hell Jimmy and his busted camera had gone. If the episode had simply centered around the relationship between Lois and Clark, or even put more emphasis on the fact that he took a bullet for her when he was barely as strong as a human, then maybe I would've enjoyed Stiletto for the fun hour it was meant to be. But I'm sorry, if there is a new Lana Lang on the block, it's Jimmy the fucking Bimmy. And sadly, he doesn't have the good looks to even begin to offset the horrible drug and witch storylines we've been given over the past eight years...
On the bright side, I wouldn't mind having Stiletto back for an episode or two in the future, simply because Lois Lane was oddly amusing with that horribly fake accent of hers. On the downside? Thanks to Jimmy, I hated this episode enough to want to shove a Stiletto knife right through my fucking goddam nostrils...
God, why do I even bother with this series sometimes? It's mind-boggling really, how the series is like a goddam drug...
But you know what's more like a drug?...
... the drugs...
Sunday, April 12th, 2009
Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Eternal small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -
Well, this is one episode that won't be remembered as the best and brightest for eternity, alas...
And why?... well?...
... wait for it...
... ahem...
"Why the hell is Oliver Queen so inept? He promises to take care of Doomsday's body, then five minutes later, the dead guy shows up in Chloe's basement without anyone knowing? How the fuck is The Green Arrow so fucking lazy? WTF?"
Eternal definitely wasn't all sunshine when it came to the plot. Oliver Queen may have been nowhere on screen, but the stupidity of the character still shines through. And then you have Chloe, who has turned to the dark side of the force for reasons nobody knows. It was nice last week when she put her Lois Lane ambitions behind her and finally decided to dedicate herself to the Watchtower cause. So why the hell did she suddenly turn all Gossip Girl emo-like here again, and get into bed with the one man she knows will probably destroy the world? She just helped him commit suicide, yet she still has enough feelings for Davis Bloome to keep him holed up in her basement and hope that Clark Kent with his super-hearing would never find out? Umm, is there a reason for this besides 90210 angst when it comes to Jimmy the Bimmy being addicted to smarties or whatever sort of drugs? Why are the writers killing Chloe's character? WTF?...
While the overall storyline in Eternal was far from Shakespeare, I still have to hand it to the actors and director. I actually found the plotline to be somewhat believable in terms of suspending my beliefs for a short time (about the length that Doomsday stayed dead), if only because the performances of the cast and crew were actually very strong and dark. I actually sympathized with David Bloome from time to time, as he was more than willing to kill himself in the hope of saving his soul and that of the world. Was I a big fan of the retcon job the writers did, in terms of having Doomsday come to earth on Clark Kent's kiddie spaceship and somehow only be located by Lionel Luthor? Not really sure that I am. But at least I did enjoy seeing Ma and Pa Kent again, even if they were only old skool flashbacks, and the short backstory between the young Davis Bloome and the young Lex Luthor was actually very enjoyable to watch. Now, since when did the Luthor castle actually exist in Smallville all those years ago? Whatever, like I said, the performances in the past were believable enough to temporarily suspend my belief...
Tom Welling did a decent job as well, selling the fact that he really was afraid of what Davis Bloome could do (especially after what happened during Bride). I actually could relate to his character as well in terms of the moral choice that Doomsday was making. I mean, Davis Bloome can arguably be considered an innocent in all this, even if we viewers really do know that his entire personality is just a facade that even he is not aware of. Chloe was willing to kill for the greater good again, and like I said, Davis tried to save the world by killing himself once and for all. Superman is Superman, and he will always see things in terms of black and white, in which the death of a sentient being is never justified. Though strangely enough, he never really seems to bat an eye when every random freak of the week he's captured just somehow manages to be murdered ten seconds later in Belle Reve or jail, but meh, I guess it's not technically his fault then...
I appreciated the moral dilemma that Clark Kent went through, and Tom Welling even put on a believable performance in terms of not being truly whiny when it came to blaming himself for Davis Bloome's childhood. There's just something both ironic and tragic about a boy on the streets becoming a medic in order to help people any way he could, only to find that there is a beast within that cannot be contained. I actually like the Davis Bloome storyline for what it's worth, and I didn't mind the direct parallels to Clark Kent's own path of destiny, even if the writers had to retcon almost everything to get it in, and even if we were forced into an eye-rolling scene between Tom Welling and Tess Mercer, with Clark Kent denying everything about him that was blatantly obvious yet again. Wow, he sure does give plenty of people trust issues...
Ten seconds after this episode had finished airing and right after I witnessed Davis Bloome just popping back into Chloe's basement as if Oliver Queen was too bored to pay attention, I realized all the flaws in this episode and how even Tess Mercer looking hot as fuck in the mansion was not enough to save the retcons and nitpicks of the show. But for what it's worth, I was entertained for about the whole hour through, and I appreciated the darkness in this episode as much as I did in Prey. That's mainly a good thing, or it was for an hour at least...
This was mostly an excellent episode while I was watching. But alas, the feeling simply could not last forever...
And sadly, the only thing that I will remember from this episode for goddam eternity?...
... is the retcon job, that Davis Bloome really is Crashdown...
Sunday, April 5th, 2009
Y2kk Update: - Battlestar Galactica: Daybreak (Parts 1 and 2) Series Finale Review (Spoilers...) -
"What do you hear, Starbuck?"
"Nothing but the rain."
Finally, after three fucking years of goddam torture, Battleshit Galactica is finally over...
How did it come to this though? How did the series lose its way so damn badly over the course of the past three seasons? The first year was so promising with so much potential to be a true Sci-Fi take on real world issues and real personal relationships. The first season had a brilliant commander in William Adama, played to perfection every single hour by Edward James Olmos. It had a great first officer in Colonel Tigh, thrust into the role thanks to circumstance, friendship and alcohol. It had a great dynamic and wonderful chemistry between Lee and Starbuck, not just as romantic partners but as great friends who would never betray one another. President Roslin was perhaps the more endearing leader of the people as I had ever seen back in the first season, and her love for Bill Adama was simply undeniable. That first season of the show demonstrated real world people and real world problems, and it all came together with one of the best episodes of Sci-Fi I had ever seen in Hand of God (not to mention a ship full of naked Grace Parks in the season finale). So honestly, since then, what the frak happened?...
First, I'll get the good parts of Daybreak out of the way. I'll admit that I liked the battle sequences. Sure, we had to go through God knows how many god-awful and low budget bottle episodes since The Oath to save up for the series finale, but there's no disputing that Ron Moore put on a hell of a light show, probably his best since Exodus. The actual intended plan to save Hera simply because she holds hope for both the human and the Cylon races was absurd though, considering humans could simply be fine if they found a safe haven to live. But why care about such thought dribble when we got Racetrack nuking the hell out of the Cylon base with her dying breath? Even Baltar and Caprica Six got in on the action, showing a bit of that chemistry towards one another again that they had back in that fabled first season of the show. Hell, even Helo wasn't that damn useless for once in his goddam lifetime, although I really had hoped he had simply bit the bullet when all was said and done...
Character wise, there were some decent moments in Daybreak. When it came to the first episode, the only part that caught my attention was the drawing of the line and where people would volunteer to stand. It was a nice and touching moment to see where people's loyalties did lie, although like I said, I for one wouldn't have risked it all just to save a little hybrid girl that nobody really knew the true significance of. As for the Battlestar Galactica ship itself, I do like the initial send-off it was given, one final push to save humanity from the evil Cylons with a suicide mission that quite frankly, makes me partially forgive all those goddam low-budget bottle episodes from the second half of this final season. I enjoyed the first half of Daybreak and I even thought some of the shots on our "Earth" at the end were beautiful. The soundtrack was great, touching even, and the cinematography of the sights and sounds of our fair planet were brilliant in their scope yet simplicity. If only the series had ended off on that final, memorable shot of Admiral Adama sitting on the cliff in the middle of nowhere, next to the grave of the woman he loves? Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have this bitter taste in my mouth that I do...
I'm sorry though, but what the hell was Ron Moore thinking? I know I've been saying this for three fucking years now, but has he simply lost his fucking mind? What was the point of the entire ham-fisted, sledgehammer to the head epilogue at the end in modern Washington, warning us about sentient AI as if I was watching Terminator 3 all over again? Why did he think it would be a good idea to knock us out on the back of our heads with the goddam moral of the story, that Hera is so important because she is the apparent genetic ancestor to all "humans" currently on earth? I mean seriously, I didn't just hate the ending because it was completely unnecessary, pretentious and preachy as hell, and I didn't just roll my eyes because Ron Moore had perfectly ruined his finish with William Adama just a couple scenes before. I also couldn't help but gag and vomit at the prospect that every single fucking human on earth is descended from Helo the fucking Belo of a bitch of all pansy wannabes. Though dear fucking God, that certainly explains a lot about the problems with our race, I guess...
Okay, just to get history straight, first Star Wars happens, then Battlestar Galactica, then Stargate, then Star Trek will, right? Am I right?...
I feel bad for the actors and the characters on the series, if this is the send-off they got. First of all, like I mentioned before, Edward James Olmos in the first season of the show was one of the best commanding officers I have ever witnessed in a Sci-Fi series in my lifetime, and that says a lot coming from me. But here in the final season, not only had he become a complete emo pussy thanks to the impending death of the Galactica, not only was he ruined with the ick factor of lying in bed with Laura Roslin before our eyes, but here in the finale I still did not understand his true motives of suddenly wanting to go on a suicide run to save one little girl that nobody even knew would be important 150 000 years down the road. I admit though, there were some nice touches with the character that I did enjoy, namely his flight in the final Viper to launch from Galactica, and the amazing love and dedication he showed to Laura Roslin whenever they were on earth. I don't even have a problem with the notion that he would want to live in the middle of nowhere all by himself for the rest of his life, considering what he has been through over the past few years. But I can blame him for acting completely dumbass in sending Galactica and the rest of the fleet to burn up in the Sun, can't I? Seriously, so what if Galactica couldn't jump anymore? It could still be used as a steward for defence, and yet he just throws away every notion of safety and security and duty and honour for his people and principles that he has had for the past fifty years of his life? WTF?...
As for his son, Lee Adama, does anyone understand what the hell the point of that pigeon was, except as some poor man's John Woo moment for explaining his love for Kara Thrace? On the plus side, I enjoyed that some of his chemistry was back with Starbuck, even though the lying bitch disappeared on him a second later. I also enjoyed the battle sequences he was in, as I've never liked the political Lee Adama that we've gotten in a suit for the past two seasons. I don't even have a problem with him living by himself in the middle of nowhere, just like his father, as I can understand where he's coming from as a personal choice in life, especially after leaving the military for law. But just like with Admiral Adama, do I believe that Lee would ever jump the shark and just let the entire defence of the fleet float away into the Sun? Do I ever think that he would just truly be able to lay back in the grass of earth for the rest of his life after upholding the law and the principles of the Colonies for so damn long? And am I disappointed that he was such a tragic figure with no place left to go, after losing Dualla to a suicidal splash commercial and now Starbuck to bad fucking writing? I mean seriously, give the man a break, or at least a hot fucking Grace Park Cylon to tide away the time. I know the writers just love to shit all over their characters, but why have Lee choose to essentially give up on everything he has ever believed in life? Whether it's being a commander, a pilot, a lawyer, a politician, a husband or a good son, the writers just seem to ignore it all. He didn't even really have any special moments with his father in the series finale. No lighter, WTF? What the frak is up with that?...
Laura Roslin? Well, I've been very annoyed with her character for a very long time, especially after the writers fell back on old habits and simply gave her cancer again for the hell of it. She's been a whiny and insufferable character for a long time now, even dragging William Adama down with her and the ship. Now, did I enjoy the music and the emotion and the cinematography of her moments on the Raptor while viewing earth from the skies? Absolutely, I even thought her death was touching to some extent, even though the Admiral just ignored her last breath like the true pimp that he is. But I still can't get past the fact that we were forced through four years of emo, Helo-like pussy moments from her, not to mention goddam prophecies that in the end pretty much led nowhere. For the record, I actually thought it was creative that the Opera House from her visions turned out to be simply the CIC in Galactica. I personally thought that was a nice twist that not only made sense in the end, but also saved the producers a ton of money for the finale. Am I disappointed though that it turned out her role in history was something that any fucking idiot on the ship could and would have done? Yes, absolutely. Leading Hera to a stand-off in the CIC where the head Cavil simply blows out his brains out of sheer laziness and an actor's request, is not my idea of a grand prophecy coming to fruition. It honestly felt like Laura Roslin was useless to the cause, except to simply turn the once great Commander Adama into the wuss he now is. WTF?...
The two main participants when it came to the final prophecy were Caprica Six and Baltar. With all due respect, while I admit that the two had chemistry here in the series finale and even reminded me a bit of their old (and likable) season one selves, what the fuck were the writers thinking when it came to their character arcs all season long? What was the point of Caprica Six getting pregnant then losing her child, when she simply went crawling back to Baltar as soon as Tigh stopped crying in his one eye? What the hell was the point of Baltar being a leader of a group of sexy harems when it turns out he completely abandons them to be a farmer when all is said and done? I appreciate some of the callbacks that the writers did, especially when it came to his father being someone that Baltar was ashamed of. But really, even though Caprica Six and Baltar were improvements on their old season four selves here in the series finale, how can I forgive the writers when they wasted away my time with them for the past fucking season or two? What was the point of Baltar becoming president but to make fun of George Bush in the end? What was the point of Caprica Six ever supposed to be with Tigh, especially when it turns out the point of the series was to prove how special Hera was as the only Cylon child all along? I liked the whole exchange in the CIC, sure, but really, that's it? That's all that four seasons of prophecies led up to? Carrying around Hera to possibly the worst possible place where she could be safeguarded, then have Tyrol go all apeshit retarded with the added bonus of Cavil shoving one up his own fucking ass? Seriously, this is what God had planned? WTF?...
For four years, we've been told over and over again that not only has all of this happened before and all of it will happen again, but that both the Cylons and God on their side have a plan. Well, while I didn't mind the revelation of the Final Five Cylons earlier on in the season, I certainly do mind how they were used since the big reveal. What plan did they exactly have except to make a bunch of Cylon wannabes with mommy and daddy issues all along? Yes, I understand the message that Ron Moore is trying to beat us over the head with, that humans and Cylons alike are flawed, which can lead to our destruction and yadda yadda yadda. Do I really care about this message though, when apparently the destruction (or safety) of our entire race depends on Chief Tyrol pulling a WWE Rock with his eyebrows and going all Smackdown on Torri's candy-ass? Really, that's the true contribution of the Final Five, making a Cylon race that barely survives thirty years before being nuked into a black hole, and having the fate of all of humanity rest on some disgruntled engineer shoving the hottest remaining member of his entire Cylon race out of the frakking goddam window? Really, this is what God and the Cylons had planned? WTF?...
I'm sorry, but everything that happened with the Cylon race was too disjointed and too fucking random and too fucking stupid in every possible way for Ron Moore ever to be forgiven. What was the point of the Cylons taking over New Caprica, was that ever truly explained? Why did Cavil decide to nuke every single human in the 12 colonies? Seriously, simply out of spite, is that the only answer? Chasing the humans down so that never live to fight another day, that is the only reason for the last four years of all this pretentious and preachy bullshit from Cylons and Ron Moore alike? And then the final payoff is seeing Ellen Tigh and Colonel Tigh screaming like a bunch of idiots at the top of their lungs in some nudie bar while William Adama pukes all over his shirt? Really, this is what BSG considers good writing? When it comes to Saul Tigh, I like how loyal his character is to the Admiral, I like that he doesn't give a shit about his Cylon origins and simply lives his life like the man he's always been and always wants to be. I am disappointed though that as the apparent leader of the Final Five, there turned out to be no real plan and no real point for these particular five to be original Cylons, except as a cautionary tale for the 12 colonies that came way too frakking late. And I am very disappointed that he didn't have more private scenes with Admiral Adama, especially after their friendship has been the only true staple of the series for the past four years. Instead, we just got more bad remixes of Over the Watchtower. WTF?...
If there was any consolation to this episode, if there is any consolation to the entire series, it's Grace fucking Park and how much hope BSG has given me that I can simply have a hot copy of her one of these days. What I cannot stand though, is that Helo the Belo not only survived but also turned out to be my goddam ancestor. Maybe ever worse than that, if Grace Park is also my great-grandmother a million generations removed, does that mean it's wrong to frak her still? Besides all that, at least the two provided some level of action and tension in this episode, although the couple still has not shown one single iota of chemistry towards one another since they've goddam met. I guess I felt a bit happy for them at the end after they got back their daughter, but it just feels so pointless knowing that four seasons of the show led up to the entire human race saving our one little hybrid girl as "God's plan" all along. Seriously, that's all this God wanted from the entire remnants of Colonial society, not to mention the entire Cylon race as well? To save one little special girl, when couldn't the Angels just done a little miracle and made a hybrid out of any fucking human and Cylon couple after finding earth as well? Seriously, I'd gladly man up and step up to plate if only God would give me my own fucking Grace Park. Why the hell was Hera the only hybrid to ever be born and breed and survive? WTF?...
And that's what the biggest problem with the series finale and the entire goddam series was. It's not that answers weren't given to the questions at hand, it's that the answers were obviously bullshit and pulled out of a hat or an island like Lost. Seriously, why was it necessary for all of humanity to be nuked into oblivion? Because God said so. Why did the prophecies of the future all come true? Because God said so. Why is Hera so special and why is it that she became the genetic Eve for all of current humanity? Because God said so. Why the hell did all of humanity and the Cylons suddenly agree to give up all technology and knowledge and security when they don't even know if they can survive bloody hell winter on this fucking new planet of theirs? Because God fucking said so. Why was it necessary for Colonel Tigh to lose his child, why did Caprica Six go crawling back to Baltar, and why did Baltar suddenly become a farmer again after being a goddam cult leader for so frakking long? Because God (Captain Picard probably in this case) made it so. Seriously, are there any other valid answers but these? WTF?...
I feel so bad for Katee Sackoff, I really do, and I'm not just talking about Bionic Woman here. She was killed off last season as a minor plot point that nobody gave a shit about, then suddenly returned with weird psychotic visions of the universe that led them all to a fake fucking earth. What was the point in that? Then, not only does Anders become a goddam hybrid computer for some goddam fucked up reason, but Starbuck doesn't even get to have the life that we fans always envisioned she would have when all was said and done. She never got to end up romantically with Lee, she never got to have the father she wanted in Admiral Adama or the mother she needed in Laura Roslin, and she didn't even stand a chance at a normal life with Zack (as the promiscuous and only decent flashbacks of the episode seemed to rather indicate). Instead, she was simply there one moment and then poof, gone the next. And why? Seriously, why? I want to know why...
Why did Starbuck die, and why was she reincarnated randomly in some nebula? Because God said so. Why did she suddenly come back, and why did she lead everyone to her busted body back on Cylon Earth? Because God said so. Why is she the harbinger of death, why did Leoban run away from her like a scolded little child? Because God said so. Why did she know the Watchtower song, and why the frak was a current song made from modern earth stuck in her head 150 000 years ago as a set of jump coordinates to our fucking planet which the angels could have simply just sent the fleet to at any fucking random point in time? Pfft, naturally, because God said so. And why the hell did Starbuck simply vanish into mid-air like some Jesus Christ type figure the moment that she felt her job was done? Well, duh, because God said so...
God has a plan? To what exactly, have Cavil blow his brains out and let Helo inherit the Earth? WTF?
Humanity has a plan? To what, honestly? To all die of starvation and get mauled by wildlife? WTF?
The Cylons have a plan? To what, seriously? To sleep with everyone they can find? I say again, WTF?
"What do you hear, Starbuck?"
"Nothing but the rain".
Thank God that's all I hear now. All Along the Watchtower, nothing but the rain.
Battleshit Galactica. It's over, it's finally over.
Thank the Lords of Kobol.
So say we all.
Tuesday, March 31st, 2009
Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Hex small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -
Wow. I had forgotten the feeling. An actual Smallville episode that put a genuine smile on my face all hour long?...
And why?... well?...
... wait for it...
... ahem...
"Chlois? As in, we got Chloe as Lois Lane, and it was actually good? WTF?... The only thing better would have been Chloe in Lois Lane. Godammit, make it happen..."
I was actually very surprised, impressed and entertained by Clark and Chloe's Hexcellent Adventure. It was a good comedy episode that was great at moving forward the mythology and character arcs of the series as well. In fact, I'd even claim that this was Tom Welling's best episode all season long in terms of acting and character development. He was hilarious as the clueless reporter, standing on the roof of the Daily Planet, completely oblivious to all his acoustic powers. I even laughed when he first picked up the phone to dial 911, even though I figured it was coming. By no stretch of the imagination is Clark Kent a genius on this planet, and the character works so much better (kind of sadly, actually) when the writers use that to their advantage. Beyond all the great comedic timing here in Hex though, I was very impressed how Clark Kent essentially flew at the end with his leap above the tall building. It was a big step up (no pun intended) for the start of Superman, to finally realize that there is purpose to his existence that he simply could not live without. And what made it great was that the whole atmosphere of the episode was both comedic and epic enough, that the moral of the story was subtle for the most part yet still shined through so well...
I would actually argue that this was Chloe's best episode this season, both in terms of Allison Mack and Erica Durance. First, I've got to admit that Allison Mack looked absolutely adorable for the first time in ages (although she was evil-cute as Brainiac in a wedding dress during the writhing, ahem, exorcism scene). And her smile when she finally decided within herself that she no longer wanted the Daily Planet sort of life was absolutely infectious and remarkable. She was glowing at that point, and I'm not just talking about the special effects of the magical transformation. Even though Allison Mack didn't have that many moments on screen as herself, every second that she was there was eventful and memorable. Whether she was blowing out a birthday candle while feeling extra reflective on her birthday (a feeling I honestly do share so damn well with her character every single year), or revving her Bluetooth up to the sound of badass "Over the Watchtower" music, this was perhaps Chloe's best done episode all season long in terms of proper character development and delivery. And oh, did I mention that Jimmy the Bimmy was nowhere to be found? Thank the Lords of Kobol for that...
The biggest props of the episode have to go to Erica Durance though. Now I admit, did I really see her as Allison Mack or Chloe? That's a yes and a no. She didn't really play the body-switch role to perfection, but she definitely had a few moments of pure Chloe-ism, especially when she claimed she wasn't "dwelling" on Tom Welling and the phone messages he answered to Lois. What I will admit though, is that Erica Durance was positively adorable in everything she did in this episode, so much so that I actually prefer this Chlois of hers over the Lois Lane we've gotten for years. Whether it was the patented Chloe lip bite that's absolutely irresistible, or whether it was Erica Durance looking so helpless and confused even when crossing the street a traffic light, there was just something about Chlois here that had even more of a spark and chemistry with Clark Kent than anyone else. I for one wouldn't mind if the writers decided to integrate a bit more of this Chloe feeling into Lois Lane next year, if only to give me a new favourite girl on the block to watch in season nine...
As for the actual starring villainess of the episode, if she can be considered that? Zatanna was very well done compared to what I initially feared in the episode synopsis. In the comic books, she's arguably even more powerful than Superman, considering she can alter reality on pretty much every conceivable level when she's in a good or horny mood. Her timing in Smallville couldn't have been better, especially considering fishnet stockings are finally back in style and they certainly looked great on the actress during the birthday wish scene. Now, do I wish that she didn't make Oliver Queen look like a complete idiot and pansy for the umpteenth time in season eight? Sure, I guess, but the two definitely did share a bit of passion together that Oliver has never had with Lois or even the Black Canary on the show. The phone number scene at the end was probably one of Oliver's best moments all season long, and you could almost feel a bond (or bondage) between the both of them when she screamed out the words, "bound by chains", backwards for magical sake. She did it all with a savoury smile...
I liked Zatanna, and I enjoyed her even more when it came to her chemistry with Oliver Queen. I'd like to see her character come back, especially considering she honestly brought out the best in every single character on the series. Tom Welling became funny, Chloe was confident and adorable, Chlois was absolutely irresistible, and Jimmy the Bimmy was nowhere to be found. Wow, talk about a Hexcellent goddam miracle...
... it was almost like magic...
... still noname writing online since May 5th, 2002 ...