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Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Kara small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

So, this is the future of Smallville? The WB (sorry, the CW...) is so damn desperate to keep their only remaining successful show running, that they're now clogging the screen with the hot fucking, tapping ass of Supergirl for ratings?...

"Lex had Lana cloned? WTF?... Why the fuck would he make a physically perfect but goddam mute version of... oh wait, that's why he did it. Nice..."

Seriously, I know that Smallville has done a lot of stupid fucking plotlines in its day and age, but cloning Lana fucking Lang for some stupid ass murder mystery over the summer? WTF? I had heard rumours that a female could be seen amongst the racks of 33.1 in the season finale, but really, for one of the dumbest and lamest ideas from the worst fanfics to actually turn out true? WTF is wrong with the writers? Dear fucking God, it was sad enough to know that Lana fucking Lang was still alive, but did we really have to get Kristen Kreuk trying to act all sinister yet broken up at the end with her tear-jerking performance (and tear-jerking as in so fucking terrible it made me cry)? WTF?...

As a result of all his goddam obsessing over the wife I wish was dead, even Michael Rosenbaum had a sub-par episode. Naturally, he was released from prison (with the help of everyone's favourite King Melbourne, might I add), had a boring and sketchy scene with Chloe, and then spent the rest of his time obsessing over a superhero who once again saved his fucking ass in a season premiere. Last time, it was Clark with his fucking Porsche, and we got stuck with Lex having a man-crush on his saviour for God knows how long. At least, from most men's perspectives, obsessing over Supergirl makes some sort of fucking goddam sense...

Because hot damn, was Kara ever fucking hot in that red little tank top of hers in the end. The episode was named after her for a reason, although I really wish we could've done without those a) cheesy as hell shots of her flying about, and b) her goddam teen angsty comment about how women develop faster than guys. There were some moments of comedy in there that were somewhat amusing, like when she busted open the doors to Daily Planet elevator, I guess. But for the most part, her real intro performance was ruined by just piss poor "oh shit" acting by Tom fucking Welling, who obviously looked disappointed as hell when he learned that Kara was apparently his cousin. Guess maybe the actor didn't read the script before then, and finally realized that he (probably) will never get a make-out session with the hot ass bitch actress in the red tank top? WTF?...

What did Clark even do in this episode, except somehow completely 'pwn' Supergirl by grabbing her legs (I would've grabbed something else from her derriere...) and then slammed her to the ground? Besides that, he went all emo-angsty over Lana Lang's death, then completely ignored Lois Lane and Chloe Sullivan yet again as if there was never any fucking hot pussy in Smallville before Supergirl arrived. After he finally got over pining for his goddam hot ass cousin, he just followed her around like a whipped puppy dog and talked about how planets routinely explode (wow, great Asgard knowledge he has there...). The Kryptonian dialogue between him and Kara was just so awkward and poorly written and goddam bastardized rehearsed, that I could've sworn I was watching Superman 4 or Superman Returns again or some shit like that. Because besides a beam of light supposedly acting as a "nuclear explosion", and Clark's patented "oh shit, I think my cousin is hot" looks, did we get any real action in this episode at all? WTF?...

Well, Lois Lane got knocked out with two or more concussions yet again, so at least we got something there. The thing is though, her character arc this episode was just so blatantly forced with the whole Daily Planet job routine, even moreso than it was when she first joined the Inquisitor last season, that I couldn't help but smack myself unconscious myself. The writers introduced some god-awful hot shot editor guy, who I couldn't stand not just from his 40's style cliche personality, but because of how god-awful the actor playing the part really was. It's not like the dialogue written between him and Lois Lane was any better too, as it just doesn't add up that he would offer some nobody like her a job for writing some weird ass story about a fucking alien space-ship (without any proof, might I add). It all screamed of just a carpet-blanket, glossed over plot-point to finally get Lois Lane involved in actual writing at the goddam Daily Planet, as if the writers just woke up and realized that this could be the final season of Smallville, and yet all their characters were NOWHERE close to what they should be like in the Superman comic book mythos. WTF?...

And of course, because of that fact alone, Chloe was glossed over for the umpteenth time in the goddam series. She's the one shining star they have besides Michael Rosenbaum (and John Glover... wait, where is he again? WTF?...), yet simply because she's not part of the official Superman story, the only thing she was relegated to here was HDTV bio-scans of other fucking freaks of the week. Her sole contribution to the main plotline was to get dissed by Kara as a "human", and then mention some stupid ass comment about AM radio being disrupted by alien nuclear radiation. Chloe otherwise was just completely invisible this whole episode through, and if you ask me, that would've been such a better power for her to have than just fucking emo-tears of bittersweet cousin sex...

... hmm... wonder if she should use the same shit on Kara and Clark, as she did that one special night she had with Lois Lane?...

Bah, does it really matter at this point? Every fucking character arc on Smallville has been broken down and beaten to death like a government mule with a horse throat, and nothing (yes, not even hot lesbian cousin sex... I'm being serious) can save this series any longer...

Now sure, Kara was smoking, fucking hot in that fucking red tank top of hers in the end. And thanks to my colour-blindness, it was like she was wearing nothing at all. If only she had an invisible jet along with her cloaking clothes, then maybe I would give a spin-off series with her a goddam chance. But instead, I'm still stuck on just shaking my head at how fucking ridiculous the whole Smallville series has goddam become...

I'm on Lex with this one. Forget the rest of the actors on the show, I'll just start obsessing over her...

Y2kk Update: - Stargate Atlantis: Adrift Season Premiere Review (Spoilers...) -

Why, oh why, did Sci-Fi wait 'till Fall to start airing the fourth season of Stargate? What on earth or the Pegasus Galaxy could have possessed them to make such a dumbass move like that? And I'm not just saying this as a fan concerned about the ratings for this science fiction series now going against the remnants of TGIF...

But rather, I was just so lost without Stargate in the summer... so fucking lost in space...

I've missed Stargate. I still do, considering SG-1 for the first time in about ten years, is no longer part of my life. Now all that remains is Stargate Atlantis, and unfortunately I was not very impressed by the final stretch of episodes last season (both Vengeance and First Strike come to mind). While season three was overall alright for the most part, I thought the writers did a piss poor job of setting up a decent universe for the fourth season, which might just end up being the very last season of Stargate television if ratings don't go through the roof. And unfortunately for all us SGA fans, I really didn't think that Adrift did much to change my bleak outlook on the future of the series, alas...

It was a pure set-up episode for the rest of the season, I know. It was also the mid-episode of a trilogy (between First Strike and Lifeline), I'm aware of that too. It's just that, besides maybe the moment where the Puddle Jumpers all set off to take on an asteroid belt, Adrift was nothing more than an episode that felt lost. Or like Lost even, with nothing but a bunch of empty running threads leading nowhere when it comes to plot points and dialogue. The major moments consisted of the Atlantis shield failing (accompanied by the sudden appearance and departure of a real, genuine red shirt team), and of Dr. Zelenka getting hit by a bullet-asteroid, the likes of which apparently the non-space worthy Atlantis wasn't even able to hold against. Both of these situations led to nothing but patented Smallville, "oh shit" looks from the entire cast and crew. Notably Teyla and Ronan, who had nothing better to do but bat and roll their eyes and state the obvious...

What did Teyla and Ronan have to do this entire episode? They were useless enough in First Strike from last season, enough so that they were compared to that god-awful Fantastic Four movie of all things. But really, did we have to get yet another episode of them just sitting on their asses, doing absolutely nothing? At least Teyla has an excuse, with the actress becoming pregnant and no longer looking so spiffy in those mid-riff tank tops of hers. But Ronan, did we really have to get emo-sentimentality out of the guy? I respect the actor for his fighting skills, as Sateda last season was pretty fucking badass. In Adrift though, his performance was just goddam eye-rolling, trying to sound like he gives a damn about Torri Higginson's final performance as a regular on the series. In a fucking coma no less, her best episode yet...

Well, now that it has become more than obvious (from the starting credits alone) that Dr. Weir has been replaced in the series by none other than Amanda Tapping, I might as well be nice to the actress for once. While I've never been a fan of Torri Higginson so much, or her personality of Elizabeth, it was more of the writers' fault that they were too fucking scared to put real conflict in her character, the same sort of way that Star Trek Voyager failed in everything there was between Janeway and Chakotay. The writers never took risks with Weir, and a result, she became the General Hammond of the base without the cute, teddy bear sort of feeling (more like a bitch in charge, no less). Still, there are far worse actors on the show than she is (Teyla and Ronan, I'm looking at you...), and for Dr. Weir to get the Lt. Ford send-off here? Dear fucking God, what were the writers thinking?...

I don't blame the producers for bringing in Amanda Tapping. She's a great actress who was signed for an eleventh season of Stargate SG-1. She was the character who had the most chemistry with everyone on the old series, whether it be Jack or Daniel or even Teal'c at times, and I hear she was absolutely hilarious to have on the cast behind the scenes. The thing is though, did she really have to come in and replace Dr. Weir? It was the writers' own fault for treating Elizabeth as some bitch, bastard step-child, and now they're putting the onus on Amanda Tapping to fill in the shoes when it comes to all those hardcore SGA fans out there? I love Colonel Carter for the most part, but isn't ten years of her already enough? I love her chemistry with McKay, and even here she provided a lot of comic relief with Bill of all astute idiots. She's a great actress who I would welcome as a guest star anytime, but for her to be in charge of Atlantis? I'll give her a chance for sure, but still, why are the writers trying to turn the series into Stargate SG-2? WTF?...

Well, McKay did start off as a SG-1 character himself, but he really only started to shine with his debut on Atlantis. And here again, he was the star stealing every scene, bringing out the only real laugh with his comment about Asteroids (which I can relate to... I think I got a score of zero in Missile Command, to be honest...). He always has the greatest of banter with Sheppard, and he provided the only real credible threat of this episode when he butted heads with the guy over who was officially in charge. However, there was just something uncharacteristic about the both of them when it came to the handling of Dr. Weir's critical condition...

Maybe McKay just has a thing for Dr. Keller and her sweet man-voice (and who wouldn't... if she was still cute as fuck like Kaylee was...), but I found it weird that he would be so confident in reactivating Niam's nanites when it was 'only' Elizabeth's life on the line. Normally, McKay is the one who sees things more objectively (and through his ego when it comes to science, which may apply here), while Sheppard relies on instinct and gut feelings and shit. It just struck me as artificially weird, the conflict between the both of them, that Sheppard seemed so callous when it came to Dr. Weir's life hanging in the balance. Except for some random stares between the both of them, it was like John didn't even care about Elizabeth at all, as if he dumped her ass the moment she became a recurring guest star. WTF?...

I really don't know. But meh, at least we got some decent scenes of Sheppard and McKay blasting asteroids to pieces, and Teyla looking all concerned as she shook her booty to the director sound of "boom". Zelenka got a few moments of heroism in, including that patented "oh shit, to be continued" look when McKay was smirking over a ZPM heist. Meanwhile, Keller was hot as fucking hell with all her non-sensical ravings and rantings about medical crap (which she apparently called River Tam up for pointers, might I add). And of course, I've gotta give extra props to Dr. Weir, for having her hair sliced off and her skull ripped apart, only to be back and looking fine and beautiful in no time, without a hint of bed-hair. The ghost of Carson Beckett would be proud, wherever the fuck that Scotty-would-be actor has beamed himself to lately...

Adrift was not a bad episode, but it did feel like an episode that was half an hour too long in the end. It was filled with a bunch of character moments that felt elongated and forced, and a bunch of contrived scenarios that reminded me of the times I tried to write a 200 page novel with only 20 pages worth of content. I understand that this was the second of a three part trilogy of stories, but it was also the season premiere of the show. And I'm sorry, considering this may very well be the last season of Stargate Atlantis (and maybe all of Stargate, period) that we may ever get, I was hoping the series would truly come out fighting and blasting, right out of the gate...

... sigh... I was just so lost without Stargate in the summer... so fucking lost in space...

I didn't like the feeling... I don't want a life without Stargate, to be honest...

Y2kk Update: - Smallville: Bizarro small Smallville Week in Review (Spoilers...) -

For the first time in seven fucking years, I think I'm actually relieved to have Smallville back...

It's not like I was looking forward to the season premiere or anything. It's just that, for the first time in God knows how long, there was actually a chance, a goddam fucking chance, that Lana Lang was actually fucking goddam dead...

"Lana fucking Lang, completely inconspicuous in China. Nice fucking blonde wig, lighting the skies up from goddam space, you stupid bitch..."

Why, oh why the fuck couldn't the writers have just left her dead? Even if we just got a fucking single scene of her leaving Smallville once and for all after faking her death, at least that I could've taken with pride and stride. But no, even with her on the opposite side of the goddam world in fucking China of all places to blend perfectly in, the writers still managed to find a way to force in a goddam melodramatic stare between her and Clark fucking Kent to the sound of emo epilogue music. Why, oh why do the writers keep tempting and teasing then fucking us over like this? Hasn't her story already been finished by now? Hasn't the actress become all washed up by now? What purpose in existence does it serve to even her character existing anymore, besides hope that no man ever has to hear her talk? WTF?...

At least the writers have tried to offset the goddam retarded return of Lana fucking Lang with the introduction of Supergirl, but even that was just goddam embarrassing in execution in the season premiere. So what, they wanted to make her seem like an angel to Lex to start this whole redemption sub-arc of his, WTF? Sure, the cute little blonde actress playing the part looked decent in the beaming sunlight, and I'm sure she'll get some guys to stay tuned to the show in the end. But already, starting from the cheesy as fucking flying effects near the end, I can tell she's going down the same path that Lois Lane and most WWE wrestlers always get lost in the shuffle from. They start out with decent introductions, only to be completely fucked over by the veterans of the cast and crew and the jobber of a hammer later on...

Goddammit, I know that Laura Vander-whatever was only brought on for testing the Aquaman waters for a goddam spin-off. But still, the only thing that can truly save her character on Smallville after such a lousy intro episode, is if Supergirl turns out to be the one true love that Clark Kent finally gets horny and gets it on with. All we need now is a little Red Kryptonite to start the fucking party...

Oh, Clark Kent, what a total waste of time and space and effort you truly are. The whole time you were moping about letting Bizarro into the world, completely ignoring all sense of character development and interaction in the acting process as usual. I can't believe over the summer, I kinda actually missed Tom Welling's high school prom type acting, with his constant constipated "oh shit" looks whenever he tries to seem distressed. At the very least, I expected some sort of decent battle between him and his own Bizarro self (who basically just acted as a weaker version of his whole Red-K incarnation), only for the special effects budget to get wasted even more than it was against Zod. First of all, he killed Bizarro with a single fucking dragon punch into the goddam stratosphere. What the fuck kind of season premiere of a payoff was that? And second, how the fuck was he able to evaporate an entire fucking river or lake or ocean or whatever the fuck he did at the start. With the damn dam gone, the water wasn't at fucking sea level, yet the water just stopped gushing and rushing at him anyways? Build a fucking new dam, you lazy fucking ass. WTF?...

Bizarro was such a goddam strange episode in the end, in just how drastically every character had changed to pointlessness over the course of one summer. Now, I can understand how Lois was relegated to just ass-status as usual by the writers, but even characters like Chloe seemed completely out of place all of a sudden. Her crying over Lana Lang felt completely forced, although having Tom Welling's stellar acting chops there probably helped ruin things as well. And this whole dumbass subplot of her miracle powers of rising from the dead just led nowhere, with it more or less being forgotten with Chloe returning back to her usual invisible sidekick role after ten fucking seconds. Is there ever a payoff to a major plot-point from a previous season finale in Smallville? Last year, Zod and Brainiac were forgotten within ten minutes time, and now here we had Bizarro oddly enough getting his ass kicked in five seconds flat (why did he even bother taking Clark's body to become corporeal then?), and Chloe Sullivan completely acting out of character, evidently bored as fuck with her acting career...

If there was any single plus to this episode, it was that once again, Michael Rosenbaum stole the scenes he was in, simply by staring at Supergirl like every male with eyes would. He wasn't convincing in the very least through his whole redemption act, but I guess that was the point, wasn't it? You could see in his eyes that after seeing an "angel", he thought it was a message to reform, but there was really no true desire within him to ever do such a thing. Gotta give him props for his acting talents there, and gotta him the thumbs up for yet another concussion from a super-villain judo chop. The series will so fucking suck even harder than it does now, if Michael does end up leaving after the seventh season finale, yet the show will probably fucking go on...

Because besides Rosenbaum's insane ability to act through his eyes and eyes alone? The writing at the WB is just so horrifically atrocious, that I swear there was only one fucking line in the entire episode that I didn't roll my eyes at. And surprisingly enough, it was one of Clark Kent's emo-lines that I actually fucking agreed with...

Why the fuck was I actually anticipating its return after all these months? You'd think I'd learn my lesson by now, yet I just never fucking do, as if I had the collective IQ of Clark fucking Kent and Lana fucking Lang in my goddam head or some shit like that...

But either way? My statement from way above still rings true. I may despise the series with all of my black and blue kryptonite of a heart. But I am relieved either way, that the series has finally returned...

Y2kk Update: Tomorrow night, true television finally returns. Hell yeah, it's about fucking time...

How long have I been praying for any drop or sliver of mana, of any sense of salvation during the eternal drought that is known as summer? With Heroes on hiatus and Sci-Fi shows like Stargate Atlantis and Battlestar Galactica moved to the Fall, I've had to rely on goddam anime of all things to keep my eyeballs and attention deficit disorder company during the past four agonizing months. I once swore back in high school that I'd never fall into the trap of watching goddam animation from overseas. But with nothing decent from Western animation studios (aside from Pixar and maybe DC's Justice League), not since the days of Gargoyles and Batman: The Animated Series, what choice did I really have?...

How many anime series have I watched over the past three fucking months, and how many did I actually like? Full Metal Alchemist, Trigun and maybe Berserk are the only ones I even care to mention, as everything else was more or less just a waste of fucking time. That still didn't deter me from finding even more fucking anime, to bide my time with over the final course of the goddam summer, as in more recent weeks I've gone though Ghost in the Shell, Vampire Hunter D and now GunGrave. None of which aided to change my opinion on just how fucking overrated anime really is in the eyes and mindset fucks of geeks, but whatever...

Ghost in the Shell, WTF? What was I thinking when I chose to watch that shit, literally? I mean, the TV series wasn't really that horrible in retrospect, although I got bored halfway through and never want to pick up the show again. But it's the movies I'm more talking about here, the ones that so many anime fans have dubbed as the best fucking shit ever made. And to them I say, what the fuck have you been smoking? At least in the television show, there was limited flashes of actual comic relief and humour and fucking goddam humanity. Meanwhile, the two movies I watched (the original and Innocence) were just so goddam devoid of anything but the most bullshit, over-pretentious, meaningless goddam dribble from every single fucking emo character, that I can't honestly believe a human being would recommend this film to anyone who didn't want extra incentive to slash their fucking wrists...

My fucking God, the Wachowski brothers always did claim that Ghost in the Shell was the inspiration for a lot of their work in The Matrix, and for that I can never forgive the fucking makers of the goddam anime. The television show may have been pointless and all that other shit, but at least at moments it was goddam comprehensible rather than just reprehesible. But what the fuck were they thinking when they made the fucking movies beforehand? Seriously, the kind of mundane, monotonous bullshit that came out of all the fucking characters in the goddam films, made even the fucking Architect from The Matrix Reloaded sound as badass as a fucking hip hop artist. Hell, the inane stupidity of the whole goddam ghost-hacking plot was enough to make even Keanu Reeves seem like a goddam sheer genius in comparison...

Err, no, wait. I take that back. Even that is impossible for Ghost in the Shit to ever achieve...

I tried to wash my eyeballs clean of that fucking techno-squabble bullshit with some Vampire Hunter D, as it comes highly recommended from a lot of my more saner anime fans than anything else. Unfortunately for me, I watched the first Vampire Hunter movie simply out of curiousity, and came away with what essentially was a goddam fucking parody of every cartoon Dracula ever made. It was a pure embarrassment, whatever that first film was called, and I wish I could unsee what I fucking goddam saw. Thankfully though, every anime fan knows that the second film was actually pretty damn good, in terms of total characterization, comedy and goddam fucking action...

I still thought it was boring bullshit though, with the battles against the mutants becoming repetitive and mundane, and the comedic duo act of the parasitic hand getting real goddam old. D the Dunpeal is just meant to be a stone cold badass, and the whole plotline of the second film, Bloodlust, was some weakass crap about racism and what it means to love and all that other shit. It talked about the caste system in life and similar to the first movie, about being born into nobility and crap like that. None of the morals really pounded away at the head with an obvious ugly stick, but it was still all shit that I heard before not just from anime, but from every frickin' vampire story ever made. I won't say that Vampire Hunter D was a horrible duo of films, but I've just seen a hell of a lot more creativity and all that other shit from Western takes on the whole vampire thing. Even if anime fans claim that D came before all the wannabes, my opinion ain't gonna change...

To round things out for the fucking goddam summer, I decided to watch GunGrave over this goddam weekend. It was always curious to me, how SEGA made a PS2 video game that seemed so fucking anime-ish, only for it later to become an actual anime from an independent company and then outsourced to Bandai for a second fucking game. Really, am I missing something there, that SEGA fucking lost its own IP as soon as it become even remotely popular and worth the time of day? Yet somehow, none of this surprises me. Because if any fucking video gaming company knows how to fucking bleed money on goddam purpose, it's Sega of fucking Japan...

I knew the plotline of GunGrave (considering I own both games), so I didn't go into the anime series a complete n00b or anything. As a result, I definitely did find the storyline to be far too slow in progression, as literally the first 18 or so episodes of the season are completely based on the few flashbacks of Brandon Heat's youth that you encounter throughout the first game. I can see why the creators of the anime decided to do this, as it definitely did help pay dividends at the end when it came to Harry and Brandon as best of friends of mortal enemies. The entire series was about trust and betrayal, two concepts that I can definitely relate to, but did we really have to go through about twenty fucking episodes of boredom to achieve one fucking episode of worthwhile nostalgia? WTF?...

Short story short, the games were shit, so obviously the series would be too. I did find it constantly amusing how the lead character barely ever spoke, as if this was a fucking Nintendo game we were talking about here. I did find some of the battles against the Orcmen and Superiors to be somewhat worth a single glance, especially against guys like Bear Walken and Bunji in the end, but they were far too far and between compared to all that other crap we got with bitch-ass Mika. For an anime based on a video game where you simply go around with machine gun pistols and a fucking goddam rocket launcher, it was far too melodramatic and far too goddam sentimental. I can sort of understand why, considering we were dealing with a guy here brought back to life after being killed by his best fucking friend. But really, did the creators really have to lay 24 episodes of goddam fucking emo bullshit on us before getting to the fucking actual point? WTF?...

And, well... simply put? That ends my reign of terror when it comes to goddam anime for the summer. Finally, I don't have to put up with any of this crap anymore, now that real television is finally returning to the small screen. But before I truly do depart and say goodbye to the animation crap that has kept my unwanted company warm enough for the past three months, I just thought I'd summarize with a list of my anime preferences that I've goddam watched. There absolutely is no point to this list, but it's simply my way of saying goodbye to the most boring of televised summers I have ever fucking had...

1) Full Metal Alchemist - I admit, got real stupid by the end. But it also had a stellar start, a nifty premise and great fucking characters overall.
2) Trigun - Vash and Wolfwoode are my favourite anime characters of them all. But still, the show lost a lot of steam past the halfway point.
3) Berserk - Sure, it had my favourite anime soundtrack, and the early episodes with Guts were great until... err... demonic hentai? WTF?...
4) Cowboy Bebop - Great soundtrack and amazing art, with the only real issues being how damn episodic and boring it all goddam was.
5) Hellsing - The last of the animes I enjoyed. Alucard was a badass, but only 13 episodes? Did he even encounter a challenge? WTF?...
6) Samurai Champloo - Cool music and Fuu was fucking cute as hell. But the rest was a total disappointment, even by my standards...
7) Vision of Escaflowne - The first fight against cloaked mechs was cool. The 176th one with emo-Van at the helm was simply not. Bleh...
8) GunGrave - The game was much better, and yet the game was fucking goddam shit at the same fucking time. That says it all, I think...
9) Outlaw Star - Totally unmemorable and was the most pathetic of the Space Western trilogy. I had more fun with Star Trek: Voyager, sadly...
10) Noir - Staring at my monitor and having it stare back at me, provides more personality and humanity than this fucking series ever did.
11) Vampire Hunter D - Not technically an anime series, I know. But I still wanted to put it on the list to point out how much it goddam sucks.
12) Gunbuster (Aim for the Top 1) - Completely over the top with mech abilities and Power Ranger attack chants. Six episodes was too much.
13) Diebuster (Aim for the Top 2) - Was even worse than Gunbuster, and gets extra marks docked for being the prelude to Neon Genesis...
14) Neon Genesis Evangelion - How the fucking hell can anybody ever like this goddam emo, melodramatic bullshit? Only thing worse is...
15) Ghost in the Shell - I would rather choke on the blue pill, listening to Keanu Reeves' prose and poetry, than watch this shit ever again.

... and, well?... err, I think that pretty much sums it all up... telling how I really feel, that is...

But finally, I can break free of the goddam anime bullshit and chains that were holding me down. This week has the return of real television, the kind of shit that I actually fucking enjoy. Monday starts off with Heroes, the series I fell in love with like so many others did last year, and I wouldn't mind checking out Chuck as well for shits and giggles. And Friday signals the return of Sci-Fi Fridays, with Stargate Atlantis finally making it back to the small screen, even if it's four fucking months too late by this point to save my fucking soul. In essence, this coming week really is the perfect one for television for me, if only it wasn't soiled by the goddam kryptonite known as goddam fucking Smallville...

But hey, you gotta take the good with the bile fucking bad bullshit, you know what I mean? Hell, in a summer drought filled with fucking anime, you know I've become goddam desperate and delirious when the best fucking shit I watched was goddam Star Trek: Voyager reruns of all fucking things. Seriously, coming from me? That's just fucking sad...

... finally, some good television will be returning to the small fucking screen...

It's been a long time fucking coming, but this month, both Heroes and Stargate: Atlantis will return. I mean, whatever crazy demon possessed Sci-Fi to start airing SGA in the fall instead of the summer, I will never know. All I care about, is that these two series are finally returning to my goddam television set, followed shortly by Battlestar Galactica, Smallville and some real sports that I actual give a shit about. No more of this baseball and soccer bullshit; it's all about the ice hockey and fucking NBA basketball as far as I'm concerned. It's all coming back to me finally, thank fucking God...

But bah, I still have a few more weeks until the first new episodes reach the airwaves. Hell, I don't even think I can start watching any of the new series this fall yet, can I? Chuck, Pushing Daisies and Bionic Woman all look interesting in some aspect or another, although none are particularly worth mentioning or reviewing at this point in time. I'd be tempted to write about The Sarah Connor Chronicles, just like I would've started reviewing the Blade series if only it had been renewed for a second season, but the Terminator show won't officially start until the actual new year or some shit like that, I believe...

So yeah, until the end of September when I finally get my SGA and Heroes goodness, sprinkled and salted with some goddam Halo 3 action to boot? I've still been passing the time with random anime series here and there, and I still have a few last ones left in the works. Ghost in the Shell, Vampire Hunter D, Gungrave, Eureka Seven and maybe even the old skool Gundam series, I've all been thinking of watching in the next couple of weeks, if games like Bioshock and Metroid Prime 3 don't manage to keep me busy. Even after all the television series that I give a shit about start in late September, I may still in my infinite weekend boredom watch an episode or two of some of those aforementioned animes. Although no, I won't have the time nor the motivation anymore to actually rummage and rampart through an entire 26-episode series in a single weekend like I have so often this summer alone...

When I wrote my anime reviews last week, I had just finished watching Neon Genesis Evangelion, what some Otaku fans would consider the best mecha anime ever made. If so, then the mecha genre really is the shittiest of them all, because what the fuck could possibly be construed as even remotely coherent and decent in the fucking goddam Evangelion series? I mean, we're talking about a show so fucked up that not only did it require a fucking movie to try to rewrite the absolutely horrendous final two episodes of the series, but it had its main character so fucking doped up on emo dripping bullshit, that the only things I can remember from him were jizzing all over comatose mental patients and whining of lost Yaoi with Tabris of all fuckers. Seriously, Neon Genesis Evangelion made The Matrix series seem like a fucking cohesive plotline in comparison, even when you include the fucking goddam rave scenes, and that's just fucking sad. WTF?...

Now sure, there were a few random positives littered throughout the whole of the series, namely some of the more creative battles against the Angels attacking Tokyo-3. There were some cool Eva units here and there, with some positively kickass positron weapons to geek out about to boot. However, none of this makes up for just how fucking retarded the whole fucking premise of the series was. I mean sure, I can take Misato being a complete whore with Pen Pen around the household, as at least that was realistic and compelling enough in comparison to watch...

But seriously, what the fuck was with all this goddam over-pretentious, vomit-cringe-worthy, preachy bullshit about wanting to join the fucking Great Link from Deep Space 9? What the fuck was the point of all this goddam AT-separation crap, of having god-like Angel figures essentially reducing humanity and the entire fucking series to a goddam reset button? So much to the point, where the ego-infested braintrust of the series has now opted to cash in even more on his property, by rewriting the series yet again in the fucking theatres as we speak? Wasn't End of Evangelion already fucking enough emo shit for one fucking lifetime? Somebody please N-2 bomb his fucking ass for me. WTF?...

Either way, at least there were some decent mech battles against the Angels in Neon Genesis Evangelion, so I decided to follow that series up this week by watching its spiritual predecessor, Gunbuster (Aim for the Top). And to be honest, this whole emo bullshit crap really worked better as a six episode OVA than a 26-episode behemoth of a bore, as Noriko was only a complete whiny bitch for about two or three half hours at most. Now that amount at least I can handle, especially considering at least we didn't get the same "I cut myself to sleep" crap from the Asuka-wannabe here as we did in Evangelion. And yeah, I admit that it was kinda neat to see the prototypes for all the characters in Neon Genesis already here in Gunbuster, notably since they all were far more normal teenagers than any of the psychos that we got in the former series...

In the end though, I didn't like Gunbuster much, mainly because it was too true to its alternate name in being way over the fucking top with shit. Plus, it made a mockery of science at times, as its people on earth were too fucking stupid to just go 90% of the speed of light (instead of 99.8%) to avoid goddam relativistic effects apparently. Even so, I will admit that certain relational situations that were only made possible with retarded decisions to constantly stay in galactic slow-motion, created much more interesting and dynamic characters in the end than any of the emo bullshitters that we were left with in goddam Neon Genesis Evangelion...

And while like I said, I didn't really enjoy Aim for the Top that much, I will admit that from what I've seen so far of its sequel Diebuster (Aim for the Top 2, which only gets interesting once it links directly with its prequel), Gunbuster really is the best of these three anime mecha series so far, in my honest opinion at least. Not that that's saying much, but at least it didn't make me gouge my own eyes out in goddam fucking subspace, Event Horizon style, that is...

The last series I watched in the past seven days was another short one, only 13-episodes in length, but by far was my favourite of the three I've talked about this week. I was hesitant at first to watch Hellsing, even though I had only heard good things about it, since I really didn't trust any of this bullshit vampire crap coming from a non-Western source. In some retrospects, I was proven right, that an anime version of vampirism was far more arcadey and too goddam Dragonball-Z-like compared to any of the stuff I prefer from Buffy the Vampire Slayer or whatever. And hell, how the fuck can anyone ever beat Alucard, honestly? He's like a goddam mix of Gouku and the fucking T-1000 from Terminator, WTF?...

Even Superman wouldn't be able to touch his ass, with Alucard's goddam ability to reshape and reform from shadows. A fucking nuke swallowed into his fucking stomach, he could just fucking laugh off. There was never a credible threat anywhere in the series, except for the times when Alucard fooled the poor fucker into thinking he stood a chance. What the fuck are you supposed to do against him then? How the fuck was Alucard ever beaten by Van Helsing anyhew? WTF?...

That is the premise of the series, albeit it is a bit of a spoiler to know (although it's never really explained in the anime, his origins I mean). Somehow, after five hundred years of wrecking havoc, Dracula is defeated by Van Helsing and swears loyalty to the Hellsing family line as a result. The entire series consists of the newly renamed "Alucard", taunting and toying and haunting his wannabe-vampire prey in often humourous and comical fashion. The series had neither the charm of Buffy the Vampire Slayer nor the horror that you get from traditional vampire films, but I still enjoyed the show on one level at least. Alucard was a pure fucking badass, plain and simple, reminding me a bit at times of Blade in just how everything happening around him is a goddam game to revel within...

Hellsing as a series really had no compelling plotline to speak of, but the characters of Alucard, his master Hellsing, Walter and the Police-Girl, were a goddam god-send to me compared to the emo fucking demonic bullshit that came out of the ass of Neon Genesis Evangelion, at least. Now, I wouldn't recommend Hellsing amongst the only decent animes I've watched so far (Full Metal Alchemist, Trigun, and maybe Cowboy Bebop and Berserk if I'm feeling nice for the day), but at least it actually had fun moments worth revisiting from time to time, simply for the pure Fight Club badassery and gore of goddam Alucard...

But goddammit, even after an entire summer of trying to put up with and tolerate this fucking anime bullshit, I still long for the days when my fucking Western television shows finally all return. Stargate Atlantis and Heroes, where the fuck are you? I'd even take Heroes Origins bullshit crap written and directed by Kevin Smith at this point in time. Or hell, even the return of Alias. That's just fucking sad, I know...

Yes, I have been bored this summer. Bored out of my mind at times, which is why I've reduced myself to finally watching anime series for the first period in my entire goddam life. There have been no real video games to play, there hasn't been any decent television shows to speak of or review, and it's not like I was willing to spend my entire summer watching nothing but theatrical releases. So what else did I really have to do to entertain myself, but to become a wannabe Otaku? Sadly, WTF?...

By my last anime wrap-up of a review, I had finished Full Metal Alchemist, Cowboy Bebop, Samurai Champloo and Trigun. All four of those series were alright, and often are recommended to me as the absolute best that anime has to offer. The thing is though, while FMA and Trigun both had their amusing and entertaining spots, and while Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo can both be considered high art in terms of drawings and soundtrack? I really didn't like any of those series nearly as much as I hoped I would, as no episode (aside from a few in Trigun) could really match the amount of fun I have with such Western shows as Stargate, Star Trek and Heroes...

Anyhew, since my last anime review? I've completed four more anime series, mostly out of further recommendations from friends. Namely Outlaw Star, The Vision of Escaflowne, Noir and Berserk...

The reason I watched Outlaw Star was obvious for anyone who knows the series and my Sci-Fi obsessive roots. After going through Cowboy Bebop and Trigun, it was only natural to complete the Japanese Space Western of a trifecta. And by no means was it a horrible anime, as the idea of a grappler ship shooting down enemy missiles with good ol' gun slingers, kept me going through 26 or so episodes at least. Caster shells were an awesome concept of a weapon, to boot. And besides, how the fuck can I ever say no to a series where the hottie of an android has to get naked to goddam navigate the ship? WTF?...

But I dunno, the characters just all seemed so damn flat when it comes down to it. The sidekicks of that assassin and cat girl were used for nothing but shits and giggles in the end, Melfina was poorly developed as well, and I don't even remember the names of the lead two males. That shows how little of a shit I gave about them, or the villains of the McDougal brothers and the Space Pirates. I'm sure there were a few decent episodes along the way, but there were really none that I can conjure up from the top of my head. I did like the dry humour we got from the voice of the Outlaw Star's computer, but besides all that, the series was more or less just a bland mix of "meh"-dom. Nothing stood out, nothing was special, but at least I can appreciate that the show never ever really took itself too damn seriously...

Noir was the one anomaly of a series I watched. It was obviously not directed or intended at me as an audience, being comprised of essentially an unspoken love triangle between three female assassins (Kirika, Mireille and Chloe) of the girl power variety. I started watching it on the recommendation of a friend, only to get so damn annoyed and bored from the constant soap opera bullshit, that I even gave up on the series for about an entire damn month. The entire series can be summed up as just the two leading ladies staring at each other, constantly wondering what the fucking meaning of life and assassination is. Not only was it overly pretentious and angsty as hell, but the action was completely lacking of any decent crimson as well (even if it was on purpose). The enemies (The Soldats) were mind-numbingly dumbass and boring at the start, being nothing but generic male cannon fodder for the goddam girl power craze at the time...

However, I will admit that the series did start to pick up near the final six or so episodes, when the truth of the Soldats and of Noir was revealed. And come on, for you two readers out there who know me, isn't it obvious that I would end up somewhat enjoying a series where there's constant goddam touching between horny little women and shit like that? Now sure, the action was always boring and subpar, and the soundtrack was just so damn monotonous from playing the same damn bullshit song over and over again. It all really could've been reduced to a six episode OVA if only all the goddam eye-rolling stares at one another had been goddam scrapped from the start. But meh, somehow I still felt compelled to watch until the very end, which is where the series did sort of finally shine. I would never recommend Noir to another human being on the face of the planet, but at least I will admit that beyond all the goddam pretentious bullshit, there actually was a decent enough plot in the end...

And from the same friend who recommended to me Noir, came a mention of the series known as The Vision of Escaflowne. The thing is, I had already heard about the show since it was somewhat popular amongst high school peers who were obsessed with dubbed cartoons in North America, so I figured I had nothing to lose by giving the series a try. And I admit, that I did enjoy some of the art direction, as the world created by The Vision of Escaflowne had a real sort of Chronicles of Narnia, fantasy-style epicness to it. The universe of Gaia, a hidden world in orbit around the Mystic Moon, definitely did lead to some interesting scenarios and characters in the end. Lord Dilandau (no matter how dumbass his fate turned out to be) and Lord Van definitely had a good rivalry going. And as an obsessive Terminator 2 fan, how the fuck can't I at least give a chance to a series that uses liquid-fucking metal for its goddam mecha technology? Sounds good enough to me...

And goddam, don't even mention the piece of shit of a movie that followed, with teen fucking, goddam suicidal, Hitomi angst...

The series itself though, for all its faults and goddam dumbass stupidities, still had its shining moments. It was dredged down by the fact that it was intended to be aimed at girls as an audience, as the series basically boiled down to being a love triangle, with Hitomi having to choose her fate between two men. And the whole concept of the Fate Alteration Device was just so damn fucking ham-Hamster-handed in the end, that it made Full Metal Alchemist at times seem like the least-pretentious television series ever fucking made. But meh, some of the mech fights were okay, although I'll never understand why Newton made his liquid metal machines actually melt their pilots if they ever got even a scratch. And c'mon, you two readers out there who know me should at least realize, how the fuck can I ever universally pan series where a mech turns into a giant fucking, goddam dragon?...

But out of all four of the series I've watched in the past month though? If I had just stopped halfway through it, I would definitely have said that Berserk was the best of the lot by a wide sword of a margin. I admit being completely engrossed by just how awesomely gross, grotesque and gory the whole series was in the first ten or so episodes. The original soundtrack was amazingly moving, the animation was artistically drawn, and none of the characters really did suffer from the huge fucking teen angst plaguing all the other anime I've watched before. I loved the first ten episodes of Berserk, perhaps even moreso than I did for Trigun. The flashback tale of the tragic fall of Griffith was just so expertly set-up, with an epic sense of dread and dramatic irony, that I couldn't help but feel as tense and apprehensive as Guts did as the series marched on forward...

But then, the fucking worst possible shit happened... a fucking angsty, love triangle began to form...

And then, was it just me, or did the series just suddenly devolve into... Hentai?... WTF?...

Now, I'm not saying that... ahem... Hentai, can never have a good plotline or anything (not that I would know anything firsthand about that, of course... ahem...). But seriously, after the series had felt so powerful and mature for ten or twelve or so fucking episodes to begin with, it all just decomposed and disassembled into a wet Otaku's goddam fantasy dream-land? I mean, I'm all for the concept of demons and alternate worlds and shit like that, as I was a huge Buffy and Angel fan back in the day. But seriously, the human plight and dreams of the members of the Band of the Hawk, especially the tragic flaw and fall of Griffith as a human being, was far more enticing and far more entertaining to me than any bullshit crap about giant demons turning into tentacle fucking monsters. As strange as this is to say, especially coming from a nerd like me, I was disappointed as fuck that this once beautifully mature anime, became nothing more than a Freudian psychoanalyst's nightmare in the end...

And it certainly didn't help that the series left on such a WTF note. I mean seriously, WTF was this shit? WTF?...

The only thing that could've been even worse and more puzzling, would've been goddam Sir Isaac Newton fucking Guts up the ass, as the two of them in reverse somehow manage to stare at one another for hours on end, classic fucking Noir-style to the sound of the same shitty ass music...

Or you know, what else could've even been worse? Neon Genesis Evangelion, that's fucking what...

Short story short, while Berserk at first was on pace to become my favourite anime series I've watched so far, and while at least The Vision of Escaflowne had enough good characterization to be worth a mention or two, I still have to say that I enjoyed Full Metal Alchemist and the better parts of Trigun far more than any of the other anime I've watched in recent weeks. Yet still, even so, I've never quite understood the fascination with goddam anime from overseas, when all of it is more or less just goddam generic, teen angst dribble filled with over-pretentious, preachy bullshit crap about human nature, the meaning of life and goddam environmentalism at its fucking goddam worst. WTF?...

And finally, I have somewhat of a right to say that. Afterall, it's now been eight fucking anime series I've already watched in a span of just six fucking weeks?...

... but the rest of those rants and whines in review, will have to wait for another day...

Y2kk Update: In my previous update, I talked a lot about anime, something that I never could've imagined me spending all my time on about ten bloody hell years ago. Yet in this summer, that's pretty much been the whole of my goddam entertainment, ever since Heroes and 24 went off the air. Seriously, I've had nothing really better to do...

That's not to say I've abandoned movies in theatres or any sort of crap like that. Suffice to say, I've been seeing just as many films in recent months as I did when I was reviewing new releases practically on a weekly goddam basis. I just haven't had the urge or the sense of calling to write about any of these latest films for the longest time, probably thanks to goddam fatigue from goddam work...

I think I recall the first movie I was too fucking lazy to review was The Departed, which was weird since I actually really enjoyed that film. I sadly don't remember most of what happened in it anymore, except for the ending that they changed from the Chinese version, for better or for worse really. Either way though, I did enjoy the film for the better part of the two hours, as a smart little crime story that was filled with a great cast (except for Jack Nicholson, in my honest opinion at least). I'm not sure if it deserved all the Oscars it won in the end, but at the time, I just couldn't think of any other film in 2006 that deserved those same awards dished out, so why the hell not then?...

But absolutely the film I loved most last year was Casino Royale, ranking the latest James Bond entry right up there with Batman Begins as the best damn series reboots I've ever seen. I was so disappointed in pretty much every previous Bond film since Goldeneye, that I was expecting nothing from Casino Royale going into the theatre. I was just so wrong though, as not only did Daniel Craig simply blow me away starting with the freestyle running chase at the beginning, but Eva Green was absolutely smokingly stunning throughout the entire fucking film as well. My only complaint for most of the two hours was that Daniel Craig felt like far too much of a blunt instrument at times to be considered a true Bond, only for me to be proven completely wrong when he absolutely became the character incarnate right before the final credits rolled. It was without a shadow of a doubt the best damn 007 film I've ever seen, and I personally still can't wait for the sequel...

I don't know if any movie I've seen in 2007 so far has topped the latest James Bond flick, but I gotta admit, the overall quality of this year's films has been pretty damn surprisingly decent, all things considered. I mean, sure there were plenty of disappointing duds, with Spiderman 3 and Shrek 3 more or less topping that list. I also saw this movie with Will Farrell and Jon Heder about figure skating or some shit like that. I don't even remember the title, so I think that speaks volumes enough about how I felt about those long lost two hours of my life...

I remember being impressed with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles though. I loved the cartoon as a kid, and I even starting adoring the original TMNT movie after my brother forced me to watch it something like a dozen times in our youth. There were definitely moments in the new TMNT that didn't feel right to me, specifically the whole story about ancient Mayan or whatever immortal warriors wanting to bring hell on earth from some random Dimension X. The cartoon in the 90's was far-fetched, but this new film just felt far too gimmicky for my own tastes at times, even if it was perhaps more true to the comics than anything else. Even so, I enjoyed the theatrics for what they were worth, especially the rooftop battle scene between Leo and Raphael. Those two crazy turtles just can't ever get along, now can they? They provided the heart and soul of the original TMNT movie, and they did it again here with some of the best damn CG graphics I have ever seen before...

Hot Fuzz was the surprise comedy of the year for me. I know 300 was all the rage at the time, but I was more pleasantly surprised at the action sequence near the end of Hot Fuzz, with one of the most badass of shotgun scenes of all time. It sucked that I wasn't able to appreciate the British humour littered throughout the rest of the film, the same way that I sadly couldn't give a shit about anything in Monty Python's Holy Grail or Life of Brian ('cept for the rabbitattack, that is...). But heh, I still had my fair share of fun in this little UK 'burb of a town. And how the fuck could I not when it comes to psychotic druids and law enforcement based on Bad Boys of all fucking things?...

Pirates of the Caribbean 3 was a film I saw with a coworker, and while it definitely wasn't the greatest of three hours in my life, it definitely held its own against the second in the trilogy at least. Of course, along with National Treasure, I loved the Disney triumverant of a revitalization that all started with Pixar and then the first Pirates of the Caribbean. The latter will go down in history as one of the most fun summer blockbusters of all time, but I just can't say the same about POTC3. It tried way too hard to be epic and hectic, to the point where the lead characters spouted out generic and cliche doomsday lines straight out of 80's cartoons. Hell, the writers even forgot about having a goddam clever sword-play scene, the kind of which that defined the first in the trilogy and salvaged the second. But despite all these flaws, I felt the pacing of the film was much better than Dead Man's Chest, at least. And the ending, in all honesty, was kind of touching in a sad sort of way. It wasn't the best way to end what I had once hoped would be the greatest trilogy of films ever made, but it definitely was memorable enough in a sense...

Transformers though, probably takes the cake as the most fun summer blockbuster of 2007. It was a dumb film, I'll admit that, but what else can you expect from giant robots in disguise? The acting all around was sub-par, with sadly Shia the Sam outshining even Jon Voight in his role, and Megan Fox's ass being her only damn saving grace. But how the fuck can't I fall in love with a film about giant fucking robots from outer space? The first half of the film was very Spielbergian in quality, with the story more or less being about a boy and his car (with Bumblebee creepily enough trying to get Sam and whats-her-name to get it on in himself... WTF?...). The chemistry and loyalty between the kind Camaro and his ladiesman owner (so to speak), was touching in a rare kind of way that was somewhat reminiscent of ET. Cheesy and completely unrealistic, sure, but even I was laughing at the comic relief in the used car dealership, with the age old VW Beetle there just for shits and old skool giggles...

Still, we all know the reason why Transformers is doing so damn well at the box office, and that simply is because of mindless action between giant fucking robots in disguise. Characters like Starscream toying with F-22 Raptors like they're the Transformers figures we used to play with, was just so fucking badass that I couldn't help but rise up at that scene. And hell, even the parts where the puny humans fight back (despite the cheese of all those goddam Michael Bay-isms) were exciting enough, as who the fuck can't get behind the best of our technology fighting against, well, living fucking technology? There were definitely some embarrassing low points to the film, like the goddam giant (and walking) product placements everywhere, not to mention the horrible Sector Seven shit. But the epic dialogue and battle between Optimus Prime and Megatron just brought back so many fond memories of the past, that as the no-name nostalgic over here, how the fuck can't I give the film two fucking mechanical thumbs up?...

When it comes to "realistic" action though, I was most impressed with Bourne Ultimatum this year. I was no fan of Supremacy however, especially after loving the car chases in both Italian Job and Bourne Identity the year before. I was fearing the worst for the finale in the trilogy, but after seeing the film tonight, I realized that there was simply no reason to fret. The battle between Bourne and Desh was just amazing, not just from the fisticuffs and the genius usage of a good fucking book, but also from the entire chase scene utilizing a goddam dirt bike jumping all over the place. The shaky cam was a bit too much at times, but hot damn, the pacing in the film was just so effective this time around that I didn't even realize when the two hours were up. I felt the plotline was a bit weak and forced, and the ending actually had me laughing at how cheesy it felt when it was all said and done. But really, Ultimatum was every bit the film that Supremacy was not, and definitely the kind of way to end a trilogy that I wish Pirates of the Caribbean 3 could've accomplished as well. It kept things simple, with some great homages to the classic original along the way...

But my favourite film of the year, by far was Ratatouille. It didn't have the rip-roaring action of Transformers, or the amazing choreography of Bourne Ultimatum or anything. But after the huge disappointment of Cars last year, I was afraid that perhaps Pixar had forgotten what made their films so absolutely shine. My fears were put to rest with Ratatouille, as just somehow, it had the same kind of warm, fuzzy feeling you get from such classics as Monsters Inc. and Finding Nemo. I was so relieved, when I finally realized that Pixar had once again rediscovered the long lost art of heart and soul...

I think Ego at the end of the film said it best. The life of a critic, even a noname one such as myself, is just so meaningless. Our reviews, and perhaps our very existence, is probably more worthless than the junk we designate so. Sometimes, in our passion for the perfect review, we forget about all the innocent joys we feel when we witness a great movie, experience an epic television series, or live an awesome video game. Or at least, that's how I've felt for so long now, which is partially the reason why I stopped reviewing all that shit I did before. I felt that Ego was reading my mind here, like he was my own personal vision of Chef Gusteau. Sometimes, you just have to drop the pen and enjoy what life gives you. And I don't know, but somehow, despite all its flaws (especially a really slow yet forced first half hour to the film)? I felt like Ratatouille was honestly talking directly to my heart, about who I am and where to go from here...

I really don't know if I've felt happier since I gave up reviewing all that shit I did before. More or less, I've just felt guilty about leaving this website to rot, as of course the real reason why I haven't kept up the writing pace is due to my infernal and goddam eternal complacency and fatigue...

Still, even after realizing this for six fucking months now, I don't know when or if I'll ever write formal reviews for all the aforementioned films I've talked about here. All I do know, is that 2007 (and the latter part of 2006) has been filled with good fucking films, most of which I've enjoyed more than almost any other theatrical release for the past few years...

From this point on though, I can't recall if there are really any films that I give a shit about anymore this year. Rush Hour 3 I'll see on a whim, if only because I feel I owe Jackie Chan for something. Balls of Fury looks great, thanks to my proverbial bloodlust for ping pong, but the rest of Fall more or less looks bone dry. This holiday season has American Gangster and National Treasure 2, but is that really it? Maybe I'm just missing something here, just like The Departed (and in some respects, even Casino Royale) fell underneath my radar last year, but it seems to me that the best of 2007 has already come and gone...

I'm hoping to be proven wrong though. Proven wrong like I have been by so many films already this goddam year...

... but a great film can come from anywhere, from anyone, and apparently any time...

Y2kk Update: Last week, didn't I state that there weren't any video games worth buying anytime soon?...

I took a good hard look at the August release line-up this past week, and already I can sense my wallet bleeding and shedding tears. For the Nintendo Wii, finally some decent games that I give a shit about are coming out, namely Mario Strikers Charged and the godly Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. For the Nintendo DS, I know for sure I'll be buying the next Phoenix Wright game, and I'll probably be picking up Luminous Arc as well simply because it's a goddam strategy RPG. The Xbox 360 has a couple of tempting titles in Blue Dragon and especially Bioshock, although I can easily wait out price drops for the both of them. And damn, I might even stoop low enough to pick up a few of those rare PS2 games still arriving on store shelves, namely Persona 3 and Growlanser: Heritage of War, simply because I won't be able to find them in any outlet in a few months or so...

(and yes, sadly, I do have a fucking PS2... I treat it like the bastard step-child from hell though, which it is, of course...)

Besides video gaming though, I haven't really been up to much this entire damn summer. Without sports to tide me over, or even without the goddam television triumverant of Stargate, Battlestar Galactica and goddam Smallville to give me a reason to write and review, it's been more or less a slow ass season for me. I have been checking out more of the movies out in theatres, and I'm pretty sure I'll eventually get around to talking about those. But in the meantime, the bulk of my leisure time off from goddam work has been spent on another form of television, one that I actually swore never to give a shit about starting from way back in high school...

Goddammit, along with The Matrix went two fucking trends in high school that I couldn't fucking stand, simply because all the cool geeks kept fucking molesting us lower echelon nerds up the ying yang with their goddam arrogant comparisons. First of all, this was the era when the original Playstation was picking up steam and the N64 was seen as the goddam console for kids, so amongst all the deriding and hounding, I swore never to buy a fucking Sony Playstation console until the brand was goddam dead at the feet of Nintendo (which, if you compare the PS3 and PSP to the Nintendo Wii's / DS's success, then perhaps I did keep my promise). That was the solemn pledge I made that has been no secret to you two remaining noname readers out there...

But the other little oath I made to myself was something that I guess I had to take back at some point or another in my lifetime, and thus I rarely ever bother to talk about it much. I still remember being in art class back then, still in love with traditional Western animation such as Batman: The Animated Series and Gargoyles, when all the fucking goddam assclowns in the class kept mocking me for how shit ass the cartoons I liked really were. All they gave a shit about was anime, about techno-crap and preachy ass Gundam bullshit or whatever, and they discussed it amongst themselves as if it were all high art. The few bits and pieces of anime that I had watched by that time were nothing more than the usual meh to me, but simply because I couldn't stand all the elitism amongst the goddam otaku group, I swore I'd never watch another fucking anime ever again...

In my infinite boredom this past summer, I finally decided to take back my ancient little blood oath and watch some goddam anime. It all started with Fullmetal Alchemist, ironically thanks to collecting the Square Enix video games for the PS2 that come along with a free episode or two. I liked the concept of alchemy, of their weird-ass magical science, as the law of equivalent exchange really is a nifty little rule of thumb (even though it was dumbass how their world never once realized the law of conservation of energy until near the bloody hell end)...

But what really drew me to the series was the plight of the characters themselves. The beginning episodes, of Ed and Al trying to bring their mother back, were dark and disturbing yet bonded the two in a way that really made the series shine. I never once thought I could give a shit about an empty suit of armour and a kid who can't stand being noticed as short, but after blowing through all 52 episodes and the movie in just a three day weekend? I had to admit that despite the vast majority of half hours being sub-par or goddam preachy ass shit, there were some really great moments in there that rival the best I've seen from goddam Western animation as well...

... I just wish I could've experienced the same enlightenment from all the other goddam animes I've watched since then...

On the recommendation that it was the best fucking anime ever made, I decided to give Cowboy Bebop a go soon after. And yes, after consuming all 26 episodes in a weekend and then the movie that followed, I can definitely see why all those assholes back in high school really did consider it to be high art. The drawings of worlds and planetary scenery was inspired, the animation still stands the test of time, the premise of the series was thoughtful and mature, but more than anything else, the use of the aural was almost surreal at times. Not only was the voice localization amazing by all standards, but the music was just so atmospheric and engrossing that it really made this series stand out as having one of the best damn presentations I have ever experienced in any television show before...

Problem was, it was all so fucking boring. It's a common complaint of the series that it's so episodic based, and while normally I would have no issue with that, I do have a problem with the fact that most of those episodes were so goddam mundane. Except for a rare couple that managed to make me laugh (the one with the alien lobster in the fridge, and the mushroom one that followed are the only two that come to mind), the series took itself way too seriously to the point where it almost became a preachy parrot of a parody at times. Some point to The Ballad of the Wind Fish or whatever the fuck that episode was called, as the greatest half hour of animation ever made. But I just thought it felt completely overdone and pointless with all its Matrix slow-mo shit, it's melodramatic dream-world music, and the fact that the rest of the series didn't even show any real continuity with this pivotal moment until maybe ten episodes later. WTF?...

... a great anime, perhaps... but just not for me... and just not worth watching again...

I wanted to give the famed Japanese director a second chance though, so the following weekend, I poured through all 26 episodes of Samurai Champloo. The thing is though, I was told that this series was laugh out loud funny, that it may not have rivalled Cowboy Bebop in terms of epicness and atmosphere, but that it was clearly just as goddam humourous. And, well, considering I barely even snickered at a single joke in Cowboy Bebop? I guess I'm inclined here to agree...

Except for a battle between Stag Beetles, a clash between baseball bats, and oddly enough the clip-show were Jin and Mugen are reading through some diary, I didn't find any fucking moment in the entire fucking series to be worth even a single laugh. There was more fucking style and substance in the fucking opening credits than all the rest of the episodes combined. Maybe I just don't get Japanese humour or some shit like that, since this show seriously relied far too heavily on inside jokes for its own goddam good, but I really found the entire series to be a complete chore of a bore. I guess I can agree with the critics on one other account then, that Cowboy Bebop really must be the best fucking anime series of all time, if Samurai Champloo is supposedly said to be the goddam second. Relatively speaking, of course. WTF?...

Fullmetal Alchemist impressed me with the strength and conviction of the bond between brothers (not to mention gratuitous credit shots of Winrey... but that's a story for another day). It had an awesome premise of alchemy, built upon a sad and dark history for the both of the slapstick protagonists. Sure, the series got preachy, pretentious and kinda ridiculous in the end, especially when it came to the truth behind the Philosopher's Stone and The Gate. But at least characters like Scar, Colonel Mustang, and hell, even the fucking dog belonging to Hawkeye all felt like they had more personality than anyone in Samurai Champloo. And the only person I gave a crap about in Cowboy Bebop wasn't really a person, but rather Ein the fucking dog. Ein is Finkle and Finkle is Einhorn; that canine was really the only saving grace of that entire fucking show in terms of actual goddam entertainment, in retrospect...

As you can plainly tell, I'm not into high art but rather just into fucking enjoying myself on a goddam weekend of boredom. So before I swore to myself once again to never watch another goddam anime, I decided to switch up my strategies and go for something a little more light-hearted...

A week ago, I gave Trigun a chance, and I certainly was surprised. The last half of the 26-episode series was a bit too ham-fisted and serious for its own good, but already in the first half, there were more classic moments in this Space Western that I can watch over and over again with a smile, than there were in all of Cowboy Bebop and Samurai Champloo combined. I don't know why, maybe it was just the music and the badass cinematography of it all, but I really did love that ol' Western showdown between Vash the Stampede and the Nebraska boys (the battle where Meryl finally realizes the truth). And really, while I loved Vash for the most part as a personality, the award for the most kickass top dog has just got to go to Wolfwood. How the fuck can you not love that guy, with a church in his pocket and a rocket launcher to boot?...

Once again, just like with Fullmetal Alchemist, I had realized once again what makes me enjoy television so much. I don't mind preachy ass themes, as long as they're subtle enough behind the scenes. And for goddam certain, I don't care about the concepts of high art and goddam so-called artistic expression. All I do give a shit about, is that I am fucking entertained with lots of explosions, a kickass plot, maybe a few sprinkles of goddam Sci-Fi, but most of all, memorable goddam characters who don't take themselves too goddam seriously. That's all I ask for, and that's all I want. To be goddam entertained by characters actually meant to be goddam entertaining, preferably without a real message behind the man, you know?...

So yeah, thanks to Trigun, I'm back on the path of filling up my bored ass time with actual goddam fucking anime, something I never could've imagined me doing years before. My high school self would spit on me, before shining my goddam shoes that is. But of course, as soon as my usual timetable of Stargate, Battlestar Galactica, Heroes, and goddammit, even fucking Smallville, all return in the Fall? Then anime can just fuck off all over again, as finally I'll have something once more that's goddam better to do...

In the meantime, my wallet will continue to cry thanks to the out-cry and downpour of actual decent games to buy in August. Combine that with my brother leaving home in September, forcing me to purchase a) a new LCD HDTV (a 46" Sharp Aquos true-1080p, please), b) another Xbox 360 (perhaps an Elite this time, depending on the impending price drop), and c) goddam fucking Halo 3, and then you see just why I need that goddam, motherfucking raise at work already, if only for one fucking month...

... as during the dry fucking spells of summer, as dusty and barren as the deserts of Trigun truly are?...

... then a good anime, I suppose, really is worth its weight in lead turned to gold...

Y2kk Update: I've been so goddam bored with video games this year, and it's hard for me to fathom why...

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm still buying all that shit and looking up video gaming news every single day. My backlog has become larger than my own backyard, simply because I now have the money to buy all the video gaming shit that I want to collect. Of course, part of the problem stems from the fact that after work, I just don't have the urge to play any of these games that I buy. A large reason is because I'm just too damn lazy and tired after staring at a computer monitor all fucking day long, to return back home and do the same damn shit with what I once considered to be entertainment. So maybe really, this lapse in gaming is really just because my life has been changing...

Then again, it doesn't seem like I'm alone in the universe on this. While software sales for the Xbox 360 have been decent in North America at least, any NPD or Japanese sales charts will quickly show anyone that the so-called next generation systems of the Xbox 360 and PS3 have been doing atrociously overall worldwide. I've been feeling the effects here myself, where despite having an Xbox 360, there's just nothing out for it that I would even bother giving a try. I've been thinking of Project Slypheed or some shit like that, but really, nothing else on the system right now interests me whatsoever. I had a bit of fun with Rainbow Six: Vegas and Gears of War last year, but a few hours later, I didn't even give a shit about either...

The thing is though, while I may not be alone when it comes to shrugging my shoulders to the Xbox 360 and PS3, what about the Wii? I have the system myself, yet it's just sitting there in my basement, gathering dust as we speak. Wii Sports was entertaining to me as a novelty for a short time, and I respect the innovation and craft put into the Wiimote, but the system just doesn't feel like it was designed for the type of games that I actually want to goddam play...

And even the ones that look interesting to me have fallen by the wayside, partially due to the piss poor graphics and cumbersome controls. I loved Zelda: Twilight Princess, on the Gamecube at least, but couldn't get past that annoying stupid fairy-pointer on screen to go through the game again on the Wii. Red Steel was a sack of shit, Super Paper Mario proved to be too much of a disappointment to me thanks to a distinct lack of a run button, and I just haven't gotten the rush yet to open up my copy of Resident Evil 4 and beat the game a second time around. Just like with the Xbox 360, there really isn't anything on the Wii right now that I would bother busting out except perhaps at a party...

There were really only two games I've enjoyed in all of 2007 so far, and they were both on the Nintendo DS. I loved Hotel Dusk against my initial opinions, so much so that I beat the game twice and still contemplate going through it again. And the Phoenix Wright series, while already starting to feel a bit old to me, still has me frothing in anticipation for the port of the third game coming this August. But really, it's just pathetically sad how even after spending literally thousands of dollars on video games during these past twelve months alone, that the only real two of them that I actually enjoyed turned out to be text based, point and click Nintendo DS games? WTF?...

I was hoping that E3 this year would rekindle my love for the industry. I was praying that Nintendo would reinvigorate my passion for the sport of interactive entertainment. But instead, what did we get from Nintendo two weeks ago, but a lameass presentation that focused on nothing else than WiiFit for gamers even more casual than those eating up WiiSports? Now, don't get me wrong, there's no doubt in my mind that WiiFit will help the Nintendo Wii sell even more like hotcakes when it's released in 2008, as I really can't see how the game can fail to be a multi-million seller. It's just ironic to me though, that after living through the N64 and GC periods where I dreamed of Nintendo sticking it to Sony and finally coming out on top once more, that I would suddenly feel so left out in the cold when it would all finally become a reality? WTF?...

Now of course, I do know that there is a plethora of new Nintendo games coming out for the Nintendo Wii and DS this year that I am literally salivating at getting my hands on. Whether it be Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, The Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass, the new Fire Emblem SRPG, or especially Super Smash Bros Brawl, I know my wallet will have a hole burned right through this holiday season. It's just that, I wish that instead of showing off some ridiculous looking Wii Zapper thingy that looks so much worse than the original Light Gun-esque models a year ago? That Nintendo would've concentrated on the games they're putting all their effort into actually making, rather than just the casual gamer shit that they've focused a tithe of their development time but apparently 90% of their goddam marketing to...

Meanwhile, I know that my life will be busy with games that I actually do want to play this fall season thanks to the Xbox 360 as well. I am literally dying here for Bioware's Mass Effect, after loving Knights of the Old Republic to death, and I do have a slight feint of interest in the state of Fallout 3. And how the fuck can I ever resist the inner urge to grab a copy of Halo 3 in my hands and kick some goddam Covenant ass (even if Halo 2 was a pile of Tartarus monkey shit)? Problem is, all the other games demoed on the Xbox 360 (and PC) just seemed to be incomplete and ultimately generic in the end, the same way that Gears of War felt to me despite all its graphical polish. Assassin's Creed, Bioshock and Fable 2 just all seemed far too cliche and mundane for me to ever give a shit about. I'd much rather care about Starcraft 2 than anything else, but we didn't even get any real news about that...

The two most amazing video game trailers to come out at E3 were Call of Duty 4 and Killzone 2, although the latter still didn't even approach the level of jaw-dropping animation and physics that the "target" trailer had two years ago. Besides that, Metal Gear Solid 4 and Resident Evil 5 both had some pretty nifty cutscene sequences as well, but it was just disappointing that all four of the aforementioned games didn't really seem playable past a tiny little closed door demo. As a result, I just can't get interested in any of the above, except for maybe Call of Duty 4 since it seems that the series was more or less reinvented. I'm just getting tired of sequel after sequel without there being drastic changes in gameplay (like the difference between Resident Evil 3 and 4), which is kind of ironic to hear from a Nintendo fan, I know. But even I admit, I was starting to feel a tad bit of that "been there, done that" kind of feeling while riding Epona with the wind in Twilight Princess...

I really still love the video gaming industry, but I'm just too fucking lazy and disinterested in the state of consoles right now to give more than a novelty sort of damn. Like I mentioned before, since the holiday season, the only games I've enjoyed have been Zelda: Twilight Princess, Hotel Dusk, Phoenix Wright: Justice for All, and the original Halo. Yes, the original fucking Halo; I literally choose to replay that game over and over the one hundred or so other games I've bought this past year alone. That's just the kind of mood I'm in right now, the kind of funk I've had for the past six months, that's all...

Honestly, I've been so goddam bored with video games this year, and it's hard for me to fathom why...

I was hoping E3 would cure my ailments, only to come away even more disappointed with the industry than ever before...

Because is it just me, is it just work, or is there actually a real reason why I don't give a real damn about sitting down with a controller and playing an actual game or two? I couldn't even get into sports games this year, not even into NBA 2K7 when the Raptors were kicking ass and taking names. WTF?...

And hell, I've been wanting to sit down here and write my reviews for Twilight Princess, Super Paper Mario and a whole host of Xbox 360 games for so damn long now. I've just been too damn lazy ass, disinterested and maybe even disheartened, to even manage that much as well, I'm afraid...

It's not like I've had anything else to do at home. With Heroes over, Stargate not returning until the fall, and barely any movies I give a shit about either, you'd think that I would actually sit down and play a few of those fucking thousand video games I own...

... being too fucking lazy ass to do anything with this noname website anymore...

It all started late last year. I started getting disinterested and disenchanted with movies, since for such a long time, nothing good really came out of the big silver screen. Television was great, sure, probably the best it's ever been when you think objectively outside of scheduling boundaries. But movies? Really, besides The Incredibles and Batman Begins, I can't even remember any films I enjoyed for the span of two or more fucking years. Both the original Pirates of the Caribbean and National Treasure can count as well, but really, that's still a completely paltry list there for my entire recent fucking movie-going history...

Alas, by the time good films did start rolling about, namely The Departed and Casino Royale last year, I was too bored with movies in general and too fucking lazy ass in total, to update this website and bother to review those two amazing films. And now even still, all the way to July, I'm still too tired from work each and every fucking day of the week to bother writing about all the good movies that came out this year so far. Namely, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Hot Fuzz, which I've both seen this past winter season. And maybe even Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, which I thought was decent enough as well when I saw it with a colleague of mine. Die Hard 4 was probably my most enjoyed film since Casino Royale, if only for how badass John McClane was in comparison to shitty ass 24: Season 6. And I'm sure both Ratatouille and Transformers will be worth the price of admission whenever I get around to checking out those two summer flicks as well...

But alas, even though 2007 has so far been a damn good year overall for movies, with a few more gems like Bourne Ultimatum and Rush Hour 3 still coming our way (not to mention National Treasure 2 coming in December), I've just been too fucking tired from goddam work to update this website of mine with any sort of crap like that. It's been a slow summer for me, namely because SG-1 was cancelled and Sci-Fi has been too fucking dumbass to air either Stargate Atlantis or Battlestar Galactica before the fall season like they normally did in the past. And because of that, I've had absolutely nothing to push myself into writing on this goddam noname website of mine...

Well, maybe one of these days, I'll finally get off my ass and back onto it in this chair again to write all those reviews that I've backlogged for so fucking long. 2007 really has been a great year for films so far, with more memorable ones already this season than maybe the past two years combined...

But as of today, after not a single goddam Y2kk update in all of June? I've just been too damn exhausted and too damn demoralized from goddam work to ever write about anything but complain how I never goddam write anymore...

[c. visitors too bored to return...]
... best viewed in Internet Explorer 4 at 800 x 600 resolution, because that's what I still run at ...