IvanF's Cut and Paste, No-Name Theatrical Review of Kicking and Screaming 2005...

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Now there was a time, when I couldn't even be dragged from a Will Farrell film, kicking and screaming... A Night at the Roxbury stands as one of the all time greatest films ever made by man. And his cameos in Austin Powers and Zoolander, solidified the former SNL star as the greatest sixth man in the history of motion picture comedies...

But none of the movies he has done since then, have even remotely seemed interesting to me...

But after catching Will Farrell during his first time ever hosting Saturday Night Live the other week? Bah... it reminded me of all the glorious days of Will Farrell past...

And how the hell could I possible not forgive the guy, after the return of "Jap Anus Relations", and songs that needed more cow bell?...

Anchorman was great as well. I was hesitant at seeing it at first... but honestly, the Bear Fight was one of the most classic moments in film making history, right up there with the walk-off in Zoolander... So how the hell could I possibly not forgive the guy?...

It did have its embarrassing moments that were meant to be funny... Seeing Will Farrell channel the mean, old soccer parents that ruin peewee sports in real life, was supposed to be humorous at best... Seeing him push over opposing players, or hassling the refs, or doing all those other things that only Will Farrell does best, was supposed to be funny at least...

It just wasn't though... The sad thing is, I agreed more with the Robert Duvall side of things in this film than I ever did with the film's morals...

And to win? Yes, you should hack the bone. Yes, you should take out their jugular... Yes, you should lie and cheat and steal, but don't get caught... I'm a Toronto Maple Leafs fan, so obviously I love the down and dirty truth behind the rules and whatnot...

And hell, if I was in Will Farrell's place? I would've called all the teams that I was beating "losers" too...

... still, it just wasn't funny, you know? Pretty much the entire soccer part of the film, I mean... and I guess it's because the film was just too much like Elf in the end. It was just too damn sentimental for its own damn good...

People complain about how quick Anakin's turn to the dark side of the force was Star Wars: Episode III? So why not in this film then?... Will Farrell goes from a repressed child in a man's hairy body, to dressing up in some god-awful Tiger outfit as head coach of the team. And then just like that at half time of the championship game, he reverts back to his old loser self, losing the Tiger outfit and actually claiming that everything he taught his kids was wrong? WTF?... to be honest, I liked his teachings more when he was insane...

Every feel-good sports movie needs interesting team members to keep the movie going. But Kicking and Screaming sure as hell didn't even have one...

Sure, the blonde lesbian chick with glasses was hot. But having the little, adopted Chinese kid wasn't just annoying - it was cliche, and just didn't work out... None of the kids had distinct personalities. Sure, you had the stereotypical shy Chinese kid, who might've seemed cute if he didn't remind me so damn much of my own self playing sports... Then you had the worm eating guy. And then who else? I don't even remember... It kinda shows something, when I didn't even know Bucky's name until checking the IMDB database later on... Hell, even Will Farrell's son in the movie was just so boring, that I would've benched him myself. I mean seriously, if he could manipulate the ball like that as he did in the championship game, why the hell didn't he show it during the regular season? Half sized guys who only give half sized efforts don't deserve to play, you know...

Anyhew, to be fair, I will admit that Kicking and Screaming did have its moments... whenever the action was off of the soccer field, at least...

Mike Ditka as the Superbowl coach turned little league, certainly made me snicker a couple of times with his psychotic football training methods. And I'm sure the juice box moment would've been remotely funny, if only it didn't remind me of my own sorry past (...)... Will Farrell didn't have nearly enough politically incorrect moments outside of just abusing refs and little children. But at least he seemed genuinely awkward whenever he met the lesbian mothers, in a way that any other actor would've been slapped a lawsuit for...

Robert Duvall wasn't bad in his role. It just wasn't developed enough, you know?... The neighbour rivalry with Mike Ditka had its moments, but only took up a minute or two of screentime... Instead, we got a lot of scenes of the old man depressing the man from Old School with Bauchy Ball or whatever that was. And while sure, I can take my own experiences of a repressive father to make this film feel more like home (afterall, I am Chinese...), the thing is... the film just wasn't funny because of it...

If there was any single thing I did love? It was the coffee addiction... I mean, here in Canada? Where Tim Hortons and NHL hockey reign supreme? How the hell could I not fall in love with Coffeeholics Anonymous, as Will Farrell got his ass banned from a Starbucks-like coffee shop?... not to mention the fact that Starbucks sucks ass, but I digress...

Even all the adlib like lines that Will Farrell had, like expressing his tornado like rage in the car, were just so subdued and sentimental, that it all just paled in comparison to the kind of brilliant improv I came to expect from Anchorman...

Will Farrell will forever be known as the greatest sixth man in history to me. He is one of the best, if not the best, improv actor I have ever seen in my life. And his Saturday Night Live stints definitely proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt...

... but after I was left so bitterly disappointed from this film, weeping away kicking and screaming as if I had just lost the championship game?...

"Well, I did see "Kicking & Screaming" this past Friday at 2:55pm...and to be honest...Will Farrell is the man...his comedy really does shine in this film...well, to be honest his comedy can shine in pretty much any film he puts his mug of a face in. In this film, Farrell plays Phil Weston, a lackluster athlete compared to his "gladiator" winning father, Buck Weston (Robert Duvall). It seems everything that Phil does, his father just has to be that much better. However, that does not mean that Phil doesn't try. He tries, oh he so tries, but to no avail.

The film introduces us to Phil through a voiceover by Phil as he tells us that he tried out for pretty much every event at his high school track event. He tried out for the long jump, but was unsuccessful. He tried out for the swinging balls (like the discus), but was unsuccessful. He even tried out for the javeline, but wasn't even given a fair shot thanks to the horrible outcomes from his previous efforts. But, at least he tried.

Then, the film fast forwards to present day, and Phil has is own nutrition shop called Phil's Pills. However, his little shop is outdone in the town that he lives in due to the massive sports store "Buck's Balls" owned by his father. Phil was even outdone on the day of the delivery of his baby boy, when to his dismay Buck also had a second son to his younger, second wife.

It is here where the film introduces us to Phil arriving a little late to his son Sam's soccer game. You see Sam is on Phil's father's soccer team the Gladiators. However, Buck doesn't think much of Sam as a player so he spends most games (as this one) on the bench. It seems Sam's life as an athlete is turning into a duplicate of Phil's. And Phil does not want that.

After the game, Phil becomes aware by Buck that he has traded Sam to the Tigers. It is at the next game that Phil & Sam show up and Phil offers to be the temporary coach as the previous coach has gone "missing." Apparently, there is only so much a guy can take from a ragtag team that puts in zero effort.

Throughout the film, Phil engages in some interesting coaching techniques with his newly required team. One of these techniques is by hiring Mike Ditka (former coach of the football team the Chicago Bears). It seems that Mike and Buck, who are neighbors, don't really get along...as Mike prefers to blow all the leaves in his yard over to Buck's side. Things get pretty out of control here during a picnic at Buck's, and Mike starts blowing his leaves.

Another technique that Phil & Mike use, are the soccer gods from italy. It seems Mike knows that the local butcher's two sons are into soccer. So, these italian soccer gods who can kick the ball and kick butt begin to shape some sort of impression on the Tigers. And soon, the Tigers & Phil begin a real competition against Buck's Gladiators.

Overall, the story is quite formulaic. However, the comedy and antics of Will Ferrell is completely inspired and well worth seeing. The film is just pure fun from start to finish. One of the biggest gags in the film is Phil's new obsession with coffee, and we he goes overboard, he really does...and so do the laughs.

Overall, I would have to say that this film is a grand fun time. Therefore, I shall give this film a 8/10 and a 3/4 stars."

Film Design - 7.5
Enjoyment Factor - 8.0
Overall (not an average) - 8.0
(3 out of 4 stars)
- Risen Phoenix -