IvanF's Cut and Paste, No-Name Theatrical Review of Nacho Libre 2006...

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- noname writing online since May 2002 -

Because you see, I've had a DVD copy of Napoleon Dynamite sitting across from my television for almost the past year, and I still haven't watched it. I've just had no interest in it. I can't even manage to pull myself to push it into my DVD player for two fucking hours of my life. And considering I've only heard good things about the cult hit film, why is that?...

However, that may all have changed, after I fell in love with the Nacho Libre...

That movie trailer just kicked all sorts of ass. Kick all sorts of ass of snakes... on a motherfuckin' plane...

Now, I'm normally a huge fan of stupid comedy. Zoolander and Anchorman both rank up there as two of my favourite comedies of all time. And Army of Darkness can fucking kick your ass and take your name for all I care, because that film is God...

Afterall, there are just some films out there, that are so stupid that they simply are ingenious...

It's one of those films that is just so stupid, that it really is so damn stupid.

Maybe it's just because I have a long time connection and identification with the source material of Nacho Libre? Maybe that's why I enjoyed it for what it was worth, even though I knew I was then and there seeing the equivalent IQ of 5 in the collective form of a theatrical release...

You see, I've always wanted to be a professional wrestler. It's been one my longest life missions and passions in... life...

The ironic (or not ironic) thing is though, that I'm a reasonably devout Catholic. A cafeteria Catholic for the most part, but a Catholic nonetheless...

But, but... wrestlers are false idols! They fight not for the sake of God, but for personal fame and false pride! Worshipping a wrestler is a sin!

So anyways, I actually kind of liked the choreography in Nacho Libre, the kind of which you can't really appreciate if you don't appreciate the actual art of wrestling. I mean, who here that actually enjoyed the glory days of WWE (Hulk Hogan, Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart), WCW (Ric Flair, Sting, NWO), and ECW (Sandman, Terry Funk, Mick Foley) could not enjoy the fact that obviously the producers of Nacho Libre appreciate the sports entertainment art for what it is. Because I'm sure I'm not the only one who saw hurricaranas, the 619, and even the goddam Tombstone Piledriver in there somewhere...

The point is, if you don't particularly like the actual wrestling in wrasslin'? Then you probably won't enjoy Nacho Libre for what it was. But if you're the kind of guy who can get behind the fat underdog of WCW's Ralph versus Rey Rey Razor Ramone? Then maybe you'll laugh as hard as I did when that Undertaker-clone swung two jobbers out of the ring while ringing their necks...

Hey, if the Brooklyn Brawler could beat HHH, then you'd think Jack Black could actually win the Mexican title.

But for those of you who don't give a shit about the wrestling in the WWE but rather just the plotlines?...

If you can't get behind all the arm drags and frog splashes in Nacho Libre, then you've just got to get behind Esquelto. Hector Jimenez absolutely steals the show with all his classic one liners, from refusing to be baptized to claiming he hates "all the orphans in the world". If you can't appreciate how stoic he says all his ridiculously straight-forward lines, I guess I can understand. But just try to watch his performance with a straight face of your own, and I guaran-damn-tee you that he'll break you down and you'll crack a damn smile. That is, if he doesn't spot you in the wilderness from the village first, I mean...

There was probably only one truly laugh-out-loud moment in Nacho Libre, but it was damn fine one if you ask me. It all starts off with Esquelto leaving behind Jack Black's character of Ignacio outside of Ramone's party, claiming he can't lift him over the wall because he's "too fat". Next thing you know, Esquelto is being chased by a fat tub of lard who burrows like a rat through walls, and Jack Black is mouthing to words to some song he's never heard before while plucking together horrible strings on a cello. After the ensuring embarrassment happens, we get treated to a street fight featuring everyone's favourite mayonnaise covered corn. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, this was the best scene in the entire movie and probably worth the price of admission alone...

I do admit though, that not everyone will enjoy Jack Black's performance here. He's given the most ridiculously dumbass of roles to play, as a friar who's obsessed with becoming a Los Luchadores Mexican wrestler, and he goes through the entire film playing it as straight as a man possibly can be with this material. There's only so much stupidity you can take from a film before it starts to wane on your intelligence, as I absolutely do admit that Nacho Libre's second half wasn't nearly as entertaining to me as the first. But seeing Jack Black survive in the wilderness by eating grass and wiping away with his bare hand his... tears? If that doesn't make you at least crack a smile, then you just must not have an Army of Darkness soul...

Alas, I wish there were more characters in the film that I can root for. Sister Encarnacion may have at times looked like the incarnation of carnal beauty, but she absolutely was not funny except for Jack Black's pick up line of dinner with "toast". Some of the other friars at the orphanage had their moments, like punching Ignacio out when he was making said pick up line to the nun bitch, but it was really just the Jack Black and sidekick squire film the whole way through. None of the orphans themselves were interesting, and none of the other characters really had any depth, even for a film with the collective IQ of 5...

But that doesn't change the fact that after my completely horrendous week at work? Jack Black and the scene stealing Hector Jimenez absolutely stole the show and gave me the best of comic relief. None of the faults and sheer stupidity of the movie can change the fact that Nacho Libre touched me on a more personal note, by rekindling my love for wrestling and my overwhelming passion and desire to become a goddam Luchadore myself...

I've got a good feeling that perhaps the reason why I did enjoy this film as much as I did, was because I saw it in a Friday packed theatre full of pissed off people like myself, burnt out from a week's worth of work and seeking some refuge in laughter. It's the 40 Year Old Virgin complex really, as I absolutely adored that film in theatres thanks to the contagion of laughter, but barely even chuckled while watching with my brother the goddam horrible DVD-remix. I've got a good feeling that unless you're swarmed by a gaggle of people dumb enough to enjoy Nacho Libre for what it is, that you just can't enjoy this film the way that it was really meant to be watched...

Now sure, Nacho Libre was not the comedy of the summer, nor even the best comedy of the week (that honour goes to The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift, if you get my drift...)...

Hell, the film didn't even make me want to watch my goddam copy of Napolean Dynamite. Wasupwidat?...

But still, if you're dumb enough to like wrestling? And if you're dumb enough to like Jack Black?...