IvanF's Noname Archived Reviews for the Fourth Season of Battlestar Galactica (2008-2009)...

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- IvanF's No-Name Archived Reviews for
The Fourth and Final Season of Battlestar Galactica (2008 - 2009) -

- IvanFian Last Updated: April 5th, 2009
- Notable Episodes: Faith, The Hub, Revelations, Daybreak (Parts 1 and 2)
- Best Episode of the Season: The Oath

"I was planning to review Razor before getting into the new Battlestar Galactica series. But besides my eternal laziness when it comes to this noname site of mine these days, I saw no reason in the end to even bother talking about that television film. I absolutely hated the New Caprica arc back in the third season with all my heart and soul, and shoving some spicy Kristen Kreuk wannabe with an Aussie accent into the thick of things certainly didn't change my opinion at all. Hell, the only decent thing about late season two was seeing Fat Lee Adama for the very first time, but where the hell was he in the film? WTF?...

So for now, the above will have to suffice as my Razor review for the year. In the meantime, I have to admit, I was no more impressed with the season four opener than I was with the series' television movie premiere...

Okay, so we got a huge battle with the Cylons at the start. It wasn't a bad use of CG, but we never got an explanation for how the Cylons found humanity in the first place, or why they were suddenly hellbent on wiping out the fleet without even a warning shot. And sure, we got lots and lots of saucy women when it came to Gaius Baltar and his little One God revelation of a rendezvous. I sure as hell ain't complaining about seeing that cute little brunette he fucked, as she was probably the only good thing to happen to this episode. But really, do we need a "God" storyline where some being out there decides to miraculously heal a boy just so that Baltar can get in some girl's pants? I've enjoyed subtle touches from higher up, like we got in Hand of God perhaps, but full blown "miracles" in broad public? WTF?...

And then we get to Kara Thrace, miraculously back from the dead in what seems to be a brand new spanking replica of the Viper she blew up in. On the one hand, it was good to get some Starbuck action back into the show, if only she actually acted like goddam Starbuck. Instead, she was just a whiny and grating bitch who keeps complaining that they're going the wrong way, as if she was a goddam bitter housewife on a guy's night out road trip. The Starbuck I used to enjoy on the show was the hot shot who actually gave a frak about being the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be up there in the cockpit. Now, all we have is a broken down widow, although in this case, she just wouldn't stay goddam dead...

There were some decent scenes between Admiral Adama and the rest of the crew, specifically Lee and Laura Roslin when it came to their new found roles for the fourth season of the show. But even so, the only real emotion I felt from He That Believeth in Me came from really just a) Baltar frakking that ridiculously hot brunette, and b) Lee giving Kara Thrace the welcoming hug of a lifetime, only to be followed by a platoon of marines shoving their guns down her throat. The contrast in that moment was moving, but it was fleeting at best, especially considering it was followed up by bad acting all around and horrible token moments from Lt. Gaeta and Dualla of all people. Worse yet, we got too many minutes of pussy ass Helo and not enough scenes of Sharon showing exactly what she's made of. What the frak?...

I didn't give a shit about Kara holding Laura Roslin at gunpoint, considering the president is as good as dead anyways and might as well get it over with. It was such a cop-out to end the episode that way, especially since we all knew she wouldn't pull the trigger. The only plot point I did care for in He That Believeth in Me, was the continuation of the four new Cylon models shown on screen. There are a lot of question marks that come out over their identities. Why didn't the Cylons ever notice that Tigh was one of them when he was in captivity, and how the hell did he stick by Adama's side since the end of the first Cylon war without being noticed? Why wasn't the final of the Final Five Cylons revealed along with the rest of them? Why didn't Baltar's tests identify them when it did find Boomer? And how did Tyrol ever have a hybrid kid when John Glover just shoved his fat ass gut through a goddam metal pole? WTF?...

For a season opener, I liked the eye candy of a) nice CG explosion effects, b) Grace Park's gracious return to the camera screens, and c) that fucking hot brunette I'd so love to frak. There were a few decent scenes granted, such as Kara's return aboard the Galactica and three of the Final Five Cylons being right there as the Admiral and Roslin discussed their enemy. But besides all that, I was disappointed beyond all belief at how poorly the rest of the season was set up here in He That Believeth At Me. I felt like this hour was just a poor extension of the already shitty ass third season of the show, not a brand new and fresh start like I was hoping...

Because if this episode and Razor were really the best that the writers could come up with, especially after such a disappointing third season in my eyes?...

"Finally, Battlestar Galactica and Gaius Baltar gave me something to believe in...

For last week's episode, my biggest complaints were that there was a complete lack of emotion outside of Kara Thrace's return, the plotline where the Cylons just miraculously appeared at the Nebula and then turned tail and ran never went anywhere, Gaius Baltar then became literally the goddam Hand of God with his overdramatic prayers, and Starbuck acted like a complete and utter goddam whiny bitch...

Well, at least Six of One fixed three of those four goddam problems. Can't win them all, I guess...

When it came to emotion, there was plenty of it here when it came to Lee Adama. Now sure, his departure from the Galactica was perhaps a little too overdone thanks to the Celtic music that has become so overused. Still, it was a heart-warming moment to see everyone stand up and salute, and the writers even got in a not-so-token moment with Dualla. Wow, I forgot she even existed on this show, let alone was Lee's ex-wife. And really, I'm a sucker for every time that the Admiral gives his son a warm embrace. Sure, I'm not sure if I like where this plotline of Lee's is going, where he's going to follow in his grandfather's footsteps and perhaps even one day become president due to his law and military background. Still, while the future is unclear, for now I definitely enjoyed the scenes we got here with Jaimie Bamber. Probably his strongest moment in the longest of whiles was when he was saying goodbye to Kara Thrace, one last time. How can I possibly hate this episode when it almost felt like it could belong to season one?...

And thankfully, one major flaw of the season opener was remedied here by giving more intimate scenes between the Admiral Adama and Laura Roslin. When I say intimate, I mean emotionally, although I could've done without the cheesy ass line of "you can stay in the room, but get out of my head". Who the frak wrote that shit, I may never know, but it certainly did sum up the situation pretty succinctly. Laura and the Admiral both know and care about each other a great deal, and it really did affect me for a moment there to see them hurt each other so badly. Maybe I've just been hit with that emotional distance bug a bit too much myself as of late, but somehow I could relate to these two somehow being able to say anything to one another except how they truly feel. A wall had formed between the both of them, and for the first time since Pegasus, you can really see both sides of the coin here. On the one hand, there's no logical reason to trust Kara Thrace. But on the other hand, she's like a daughter to the Admiral. How the hell could he not hope that she's real and telling the truth?...

Gaius Baltar also improved dramatically this episode, all thanks to some slutty ass scenes with Torri (with a very gratuitous sexy leg scene, might I add) and the sudden appearance of the Baltar from Number Six's head in his own. That was definitely the highlight of this young season so far for me, just seeing James Callis go to work with himself, if that sounds good that is. It was obvious the actor was having fun, and it just felt natural as he played off himself (if that sounds good) to create a dynamic sort of discussion to "slay" the audience. After suffering through so many seasons of Six crawling in his head and Baltar crawling in her head, always to overdramatic tension and religious bullshit since the end of the first season, how the fuck can't I enjoy a little frakkin' comic relief and playful banter now and again? A fragile balance of comedy and meaning it was, I say...

And really, He That Believeth in Me would've worked so much better if SciFi had simply aired Six of One right after it last week. While we still haven't gotten our explanation of how the Cylons did find the fleet at the Nebula, at least the Raider's discovery that Anders was a Cylon did not just get swept under the rug. While I really do detest where the writers have brought the Cylon civilization over the course of the past two seasons, when some models essentially became "good guys" even after nuking dozens of billions of innocent people overnight, I could finally feel a little sympathy for the toasters when it comes to their desire to find the Final Five. I don't get what the big deal is with lobotomizing the Raiders, considering they were already restricted from having free will in the first place. But whatever, if a full blown Cylon Civil War means more gratuitous shots of either Boomer going topless or wearing the cutest damn green top I've ever seen in my life, then I'm all for love and war. Oh hell frakking yes...

While Six of One was an episode that did a lot of things right, even going so far as to include a fucking smokin' hot Chinese girl by Baltar's side in the messhall, there were obviously a few downfalls that could not be avoided. Helo once again proved to be the stable rock that the show is built upon, or should I say the goddam useless pylon with absolutely no personality of his own whatsoever. I noticed Racetrack getting naked from poker ten times more than I ever did any scene with Helo from the past three fucking years. And really, the scenes of the four new Cylons getting together had a lot less impact than they did in the episode before. Maybe I'm just getting old of their routine again, but aside from telling Torri to take it all off for Gaius Baltar, nothing was said in their conversations to really make me give a new damn...

And honestly, somebody should just put a gag over Katie Sackoff's mouth in episodes where she tries to be emotional. Because seriously, her act of feeling betrayed and acting crazy at the same time? Sorry, but it was all about as convincing as Bionic Woman was as a goddam new series this past fall. The tears in her eyes only had meaning when reflected in the Admiral's and Lee's eyes. Any moment that the camera just centered on Kara's face itself rather than that of the actual decent actors on the show, was more painful for the audience than any fucking jump away from the Nebula was for her. I just hope the upcoming plotline where she has a garbage ship of her own goes somewhere and leads to a decent plotline fast, otherwise I hope she just gets lost in space for the good of the series once again...

So really, Six of One couldn't get everything in the Battlestar formula right, but it certainly went down with the ship trying. This was the episode that last week's season opener should have been, or at least should have included. I'm still far from believing that the series has been put back on the right track, even with the striptease from goddam Racetrack. But at least for now, I'm starting to see the light at the end of Athena's Arrow...

This week's showing got six things right and one plot point horribly wrong. In the end though, that's all I really ask for...

... along with Baltar sparing that one Chinese hottie for those in very much need...

... and provided I get six copies of Number Eight for shits and giggles on the side...

Is there really anymore that needs to be said? Were we supposed to feel bad for Cally, the psycho-bitch who helped turn my precious Boomer into some sick pedophile lover? How the fuck can I ever side with the crazy red-head against the uber-hot Torri Cylon, especially with how useless of a character Cally's made Tyrol for the past two fucking seasons. How the hell are we supposed to feel sympathy for the bitch when she was willing to kill both herself and her own child, all because of her own racism against Cylons? The series is better without the actress, and I sincerely do hope she's never mentioned again on the show. Cally did best when she was just some orange prop in the hangar bay background, seriously...

With that said, I did not enjoy The Ties That Bind, simply because of all the plot contrivances leading to her death. The Cylons onboard Galactica figure out that Cally may be onto them when it comes to their secret natures, and yet that just happen to blurt all their shit out in one convenient sentence immediately right after, not even guessing the bitch was nearby and listening? How the hell can Tigh be so vacant-minded, and please tell me that Tyrol actually connects the dots after this goddam episode. As for Torri, she may be fucking hot as hell, but does it really make sense that she's gone crazy bitch strong and murderous insane since figuring out what she is? I mean, arguably Boomer was just a switch as well, but it seems that Torri simply is tired of being the good girl and only wants to play nice when the president is around. Don't know if the writers intend that to be part of her programming, but it still is annoying how inconsistent it all is with what we know of her character...

Besides the Cylon people and the crazy red-haired bitch that will no longer be named, not much happened onboard the Galactica. Admiral Adama got to pimp himself out to the president some more, which I know will lead somewhere throughout the season, but sure seems pointless now. I already forget what Lee Adama did as a council member, as this new plot arc of his is simply boring me to tears. And Gaius Baltar, since achieving the high of getting Torri to cry from orgasmic happiness last week, did absolutely nothing in The Ties that Bind comparatively speaking this week. Which is all too bad considering last week's episode certainly showed a lot of promise for the cast and crew, only for this week's show to ruin it all with Cally bitching and squealing like a suicidal pig at the top of her lungs...

God, she's practically the Lana Lang of the series. Except, you know, not nearly as hot...

And I couldn't help but garner a laugh from the cast and crew the writers stuck onboard the Demetrius, searching for earth. I know the producers want to be as fair to every actor as possible in this final season, but really could it be anymore obviously that the Admiral left with Kara simply every underutilized crew member on the show? On the bright side, it guarantees more Grace Park screen time and all that in a sweaty tank top. On the down side, there was no chemistry amongst that secondary group, and their plotline journey went nowhere, both figuratively and literally. What the frak do we give a shit about Anders trying to get back together with Kara Thrace? If it wasn't for Cally whining and grating on the bolts of my goddam speaker sets, I'd nominate Kara for the absolute biggest waste of decibel space of the goddam week. WTF?...

The only real progress that was made this episode came from the Cylon Civil War. Now sure, we didn't get much more than a few random negotiations with the new Six in charge and the old man that's now boning everyone's favourite Boomer. But meh, at least we got a sense that this Cylon Civil War is going to be an important part of the season, and an interesting one at that, provided that the models siding with Six do manage to survive another day. Certainly hope they do, considering it'd be a shame to have just two Grace Park's left in the known universe...

Even more depressing is that on earth at least, we have only one Grace Park to go around...

... but at least now I can sleep more soundly, thanks to there being zero Cally's left in the frakkin' fleet...

Sorry, with the NBA Playoffs in the air, I've gotten a bit too accustomed to chanting with the crowd. And that's exactly what I would've been screaming at the writers after an episode like Escape Velocity. How can a show with such an exciting episode title turn out to be so damn mind-numbing and goddam frakkin' boring, that it put me to sleep even faster than Smallville's "Sleeper"? WTF?...

Seriously, how the fuck could the writers have ever thought giving us an episode in Cally's fucking memory was a good thing? Not only did they completely ignore the Cylon Civil War, not only did they pretty much forget about everything that made Edward James Olmos into a goddam badass in the series, and not only did this episode feature absolutely zero scenes with Grace fucking Park in it, but we got stuck with a goddam fucking eulogy for Cally of all crazy bitches? WTF?...

The only part of the episode I even remotely found compelling was during Tyrol's descent, screaming at the Admiral to take action against him, to give him a demotion. Everything else about Escape Velocity reeked of a writer who probably fell in love with the first season of the show, tried to mimic its weird frakkin' vibe, but failed miserably thanks to forgetting that half of the episodes from the first season were boring as fuck as well. Everything took itself too seriously in this episode for its all good, especially Tigh sucking face with Six, as there was only one moment that I remotely even began to smile at...

Ha, sure. Nice fucking wig then. Wish I could get those everytime I was in the middle of cancer treatment...

This episode was a joke, and that's mainly due to how damn far Gaius Baltar has fallen as a character. What the fuck do the writers think the audience is going to get from their obvious allusions to Jesus Christ? He was even spouting the same kind of lines that an evangelistic Christian might at his goddam sermon. Why are the writers stirring the pot like they are? Now sure, I don't mind seeing so many hot fucking groupie women, provided that there are a lot of hot asians among them. Problem was, this week the hotties I care about were really nowhere to be found, and all the others got pimp slapped to make themselves look a hell of a lot less hot. How the fuck are we supposed to care about an episode then, when the only thing to even remotely concentrate on is Gaius fucking Baltar making a mockery of earth religion? WTF?...

... dear fucking God, please don't tell me that's where the writers are trying to go with all this...

Otherwise, simply because the plotline is so damn juvenile cliche and so frakkin' eye-rolling to the goddam maximum extreme?...

"I admit, I don't regret traveling the road that was this week's episode of Battlestar Galactica. At least, it was a huge improvement over last week's shit...

But really, that's not saying much. The Road Less Traveled was an episode that had some decent character moments, including the death of some random person that I can't even remember the name of. It featured Lt. Gaeta not being completely useless, it starred the return of Leoben which is always welcome, and there were more than enough gratuitous shots of Grace Park being hot as hell in a tank top aboard the Demetrius. Now, why the hell the writers didn't take advantage of the fact she's a goddam Cylon, and had more scenes (or any scenes) with her interrogating the Cylon prisoner, I will never know. But at least I can't complain about how damn fine she looked the whole hour through...

Problem is, for a cliffhanger episode, The Road Less Traveled seemed like a journey we've been to time and time again. Maybe I could've sided with pussy ass Helo in his mutiny near the end, if only we viewers out there didn't already know that this Leoben was actually telling the goddam truth. The Cylons are at Civil War, his base ship really is damaged and desperate for help, and we know that there are plenty of Cylon stranglers out there just waiting to become humanity's allies. So really, while I could understand Helo's and Sharon's point of view from a completely neutral and ignorant point of view, how the fuck am I supposed to side with them or even give a damn about this cliffhanger when we really know there's no threat out there? In the end, Helo just looks like even more of a pansy, just a dumbass one to boot. WTF?...

This episode centered around Kara Thrace most of all, although her storyline really has gone absolutely nowhere this season. We viewers out there are desperate to find out who the final Cylon is (if it ain't an Adama, it's probably Dualla), or at least figure out what the fuck is up with Kara and her new psychotic nature. What we the audience cannot stand however, is that the writers are dragging out her crazy bitchiness throughout so many fucking episodes with really no plot development whatsoever. Yes, the Demetrius is going in circles, we get it and we were sick of that storyline two episodes ago already. Do we really need to go through yet another hour of the crew bitching and whining and moaning that Kara Thrace has jumped off the fucking deep end? Do we really need more and more screentime devoted to her painting random shit on ship walls and beating up Leoben for the umpteenth time? WTF?...

Surprisingly though, the place where I found the most meaning and peace was with the Tyrol and Gaius Baltar thing they've got going on. Now, I have no idea why the Chief shaved his head bald, except to look like an older and fatter version of his own son. But the conflict he has in his heart, while it bored me to tears last week, felt a lot more real and genuine this week in all the ways he tried to resist Baltar's message but couldn't help himself in the end. As for Baltar, James Callis did a fine job in seeming like a man possessed, or at least converted for real in his own heart. The speech he gave Tyrol at the end really did feel genuine and meaningful, and from our point of view at least, it did not seem like it was forced out by the Six in his head or any sort of crap like that. Now, if I was Tyrol, I'd still kick the crap out of Baltar for shits and giggles instead of shaking his hand. Either way though, this side story plotline for The Road Less Traveled was what captivated me and kept this episode from being the same sort of boring shit as last week's showing was...

I don't regret watching this episode. It kept my interest for the most part, if only because Leela Sevasta by Baltar's side was still looking damn smokin' fucking hot as hell. But if Battlestar Galactica continues dragging on pointless plotlines like they have with Kara Thrace, the Demetrius, and Colonel Tigh dreaming of a young Ellen Page?...

... then it's only a matter of time until I find myself traveling far less down this road...

... since, if this is all the fourth season of Battlestar Galactica has to offer?...

... and I'm not just talking about Dollhouse and Joss Whedon's long-awaited return to television here...

The fourth season of Battlestar Galactica up to this point has been a wild and bewildering disappointment, even compared to the lacklustre end of season three. But finally the writers' came through here, with at least one single episode that made sense within the context of itself. Faith didn't keep me on the edge of my seat or anything, but definitely had enough moments to make it an hour that I don't regret wasting away in my life. And that's something I haven't been able to say since basically goddam Exodus...

Small little things, like Anders being so tempted to put his hand in the Cylon goo, kept this episode entertaining for the most part. And how the fuck can I really complain about a sudden influx of so many clones and copies of everyone's favourite Number Eight? Eight is considered a lucky number in Oriental culture, and except for the complete lack of naked Cylons of that model number running around the base star, I'd consider us pretty damn lucky for all the sights and sounds of Grace Park that we did get here instead. Not only was Faith an excellent episode for Athena onboard the Raptor to prove her loyalty and worth yet again to the Colonials, but the actress did a great job in playing the other Eight who was begging for forgiveness on her final deathbed. With Anders taking her hand instead of Athena whom she was calling for, it's the little touches like that which remind me of how good Battlestar Galactica can be at times...

Of course, most of the season is normally wasted away by the writers, such as giving us such a bullshit cliffhanger to start things off with. Kara Thrace was completely out of her mind in the past episode, not even thinking clearly until five minutes into this week's show to even consider just sending the goddam Raptor they had onboard as a scout. Seriously, why the fuck did nobody think of something so obvious last time around? The only reason I didn't consider the Raptor myself, was that I forgot they even had a goddam fucking scoutship onboard. Why did it take Lt. Gaeta getting shot in the leg, then whining like a little bitch the rest of the way about being a goddam amputee, to get anybody on the goddam Demetrius to even remotely start using their brains? And did we really need to have that whole "human aspect" of Lt. Gaeta begging for his health, when I and probably most of the audience were hoping he'd lose the other leg as well? WTF?...

If there was one central flaw to Faith, it was the secondary plotline that defined the very title of the episode. The president got to talk about religion and spirituality with Kira Nerys (Nana Visitor), looking not so hot after Odo had left her behind on Deep Space 9. Finally, the writers make some sense in claiming the Greek religions that everyone in this technological culture seems to take so seriously are just "metaphors", although this completely does not jive with how Kara Thrace or Admiral Adama or even goddam Chief Tyrol seem to behave whenever they're alone and private. Either way, it seems that the president herself has never really believed in the Elysian Fields herself, despite having visions that she believes will lead her to earth. It's fair enough that her returning cancer would call her spirituality and tenets of faith into question, but really, did the writers really have to draw it all out over the course of an hour, with a bunch of eye-rolling contradictions and conclusions that actually do lead to Baltar's goddam groupie "religion"? WTF?...

Then again, I don't technically mind a really slow and grating secondary plotline, as long as the primary one is decent enough to hold my interest. And just seeing all the interactions between the crew of the Demetrius and the survivors aboard the base ship, and especially realizing just how effective Tricia Helfair is at acting as so many different variants of the Six model, really did keep me watching for more. The talk with the Hybrid, as dumbass as those creations are in my mind, was actually chilling in some respects, especially when Kara Thrace was told exactly what we already knew from the shit movie known as Razor. The question is, did the others hear the final moments of the Hybrid's speech, or only the beginnings about the third Cylon model leading the allied fleet to the Final Five from earth?...

Overall, I admit that Faith was really the first decent episode of the fourth season of the series, although that's definitely not saying much...

Now, if only the writers can keep up this momentum and actually produce more hours that shake my beliefs that this series is such shit?...

"Guess what's coming to dinner? After this episode, to my own table at least, certainly not Battlestar Galactica...

When I first heard the title of this week's show, I first interpreted it as a joke, and next as a lame comedic episode (like Tigh Me Up). And while there were certainly parts of it that I laughed at, it was mainly because of how stupid the characters were all acting, instead of anything intentional on the writers' part. Why were we forced to endure countless minutes of mind-numbing singing from Lt. Gaeta, who was whining about losing his leg while everyone else around him there were losing their frakkin' lives? Why did we have to get scenes of Anders practically worshipping the ground that Gaeta now can't walk on, as if that's supposed to lead us to believe that Felix could actually be a goddam Cylon? If anyone is a Cylon, it's probably Dualla, as she was walking the path at the end where Grace Park as Athena met nobody but fellow Cylon models along the way...

Admiral Adama really has become a pussy in the season, hasn't he? When he's not reading bed-time stories to the bitch who has completely whipped all manliness from his spine, he's now pining over Lee's departure for Colonial One or sucking up to Tigh when it comes to Cylon-like intuition. I really do miss the badass Edward James Olmos that we had gotten all the way to Exodus last season, and we got a rare glimpse of it again here when he was preparing to fire all batteries on the base star that had jumped in on the fleet. But as soon as Tigh uttered to hold fire, the Admiral was back to being his pussy-whipped self all over again. When will the real Adama please stand up and come back to the badass last supper already?...

Instead, the only other Adama we get stuck with was the stuck-up prick known only as Lee. Why did the writers give him the useless purpose of whining and bitching and complaining to the president every single episode? When did we ever care about the rest of the delegates on the council next to Tom Zarek, and who really still gives a shit about their feelings or well-being? The concept of martial law and dictatorship versus democracy during a time of great uncertainty and crisis had already been examined much more interestingly and in-depth back in the first and second seasons. So why the fuck are the writers ruining Lee's character even further by a) separating him from his father, b) separating him from Starbuck, and c) rehashing the same old political bullshit storylines that had my eyes rolling three fucking years ago. WTF?...

On Colonial One, we also got the conflict between the president and Tori, although that really went nowhere but for less gratuitous shots of the Cylon's ass when fucking over Gaius Baltar. It was strange how Tori still acts towards Laura Roslin like she always has before, either to hide her Cylon nature or simply because she still has faith in the person in the chair. Doesn't matter so much, except it just threw me off a bit that Tori was being a nice girl all over again, even appearing like she would cry when having sex. Kind of preferred her when she was backslapping Cally all across the air lock floors, that's all. Kind of was kinkier and she was doing us all a favour, that's all...

As for the other Cylons? Tigh was acting all scared when it came to his identity, which felt out of character for what we knew of him, but it makes sense in the grander scheme of things. Anders was a fucking waste of time and space as usual, and Chief Tyrol was just there to take Hera off of the Six's hands. The only real plus in this entire episode was the fact that we got more brilliant shots of Grace Park looking graceful as always in the cutest of clothes, and the parallelism of her attack on the Six model versus Cally's bullet shots to Boomer a long while back. I could've done without the return of the Opera House plotline however, with the visions that connect Athena with the president, while giving Caprica Six two seconds worth of screen time for shits and giggles. I wouldn't mind knowing what the hell is up with that storyline, but right now, it makes about as much sense as the four fucking toed statue in goddam fucking Lost...

So yeah, I wasn't a huge fan of this episode. It was dumbass how the writers neutered both of the Adamas, it was idiotic of the president to reconnect the Hybrid to the point of letting it do whatever it wanted with the ship, and the writers still aren't making any fucking sense when it comes to the visions that are simply so frakkin' boring to tell. And oh right, Gaeta's singing was supposed to be dramatic and tear-jerking. Yeah fucking right. Can he lose his fucking voice box along with his goddam leg already, please?...

When I first heard of the title, "What's Coming to Dinner?", I really did think it was a joke...

Yet it was still better than every other hour but for Faith so far this season by far...

"Sine Qua Non? What the hell does that even mean? To be essential, to be indispensable? WTF?...

Wow, talk about irony then. Because while this week's Battlestar Galactica wasn't bad per say, it was still anything but goddam filler...

If the writers are going for weird ass names, I personally would've gone for Quid Pro Quo or some shit like that, considering they owe us viewers a damn decent episode after the shit known as season three. Sine Qua Non was definitely not that episode, as most of it consisted of Romo the crazy lawyer talking to his dead frakkin' cat. I mean seriously, did anyone expect that a) Romo would actually pull the trigger on Lee with that ridiculously dinky pistol of his, or b) that anyone BUT Lee Adama would be considered for the presidential role? As soon as the latter claimed that Tom Zarek would never be recognized as president, it was obvious who the only candidate was. Why the hell the writers beat around the bush with bated breath with that goddam chalk board of hell of theirs, I don't fucking know. To fill up the hour and nothing more, I suppose...

There were some good moments between Colonel Tigh and Admiral Adama at least, although I don't get why the former didn't whip out his Torri Ball-Busting Bitch Slaps in his fight against his best friend. You could see the honest to gods comaraderie between the both of them, and which BSG insider didn't at least chuckle inside at the sight of that wooden ship prop busted all over again? Still, the conclusion of their little "bro's before ho's" toss up of a cage match really didn't make much logical sense. So, Admiral Adama decides to pimp slap his best bud for fucking the Cylon Six up the ass and getting her pregnant, and then just suddenly decides to hand over the reins of the fleet to him half a day later? WTF?...

There were some interesting points noted throughout the episode for the both of them. For one, the fact that Colonel Tigh (and Tyrol before him) could impregnate a Cylon has now shot Helo to the top of the list of candidates to be the final of the five, and I guess Tigh proved that knocking the Six up has nothing to do with love. Second, does Tigh actually care for the Cylon Six, or is he still just projecting Ellen's ugly fucking face all over the place out of frakkin' desperation? Third, what does it feel like for him to get Baltar's sloppy seconds (or D'anna's thirds, now that I mention it)? Hell, that reminds me, where the frak was Gaius Baltar this episode? And why the hell was Torri just this tame lap-dog in the services of Lee Adama to boot? WTF?...

Uggh, I hated where Lee's character was heading by the end of the third season, and I'm even more disgusted by it now. Like I said before, it was obvious right from the start of this episode (and hell, even by the end of last week's show) that Lee would end up commanding the whole damn fleet. I never expected his father to step down like he did, but does it really matter? Now we have emo and angsty Lee leading Galactica and all the remnants of humanity towards earth, and I for one feel goddam frakkin' queasy about it all. He has Romo the crazy cat-talking psycho on one ear and Starbuck the slutty kitten on the other. Wow, two lap-dogs right there, and we're not even including Torri or that resistance canine super-hero in the mix either...

Now, don't get me wrong, there were definitely a few perks to Sine Qua Non to pique my interest, as how the fuck can I really complain about Grace Park there with bubbly tea close-ups, looking all alone and distressed and helpless and desperate for human contact? And yes, Admiral Adama did have his moments that reminded me of season one to some degree, including the discussion about the lighter from Hand of God. But really, it just showed how useless and pussy-whipped of a character Adama really has become since badass season one, when he finally admitted out-loud that he "can't live without (Roslin)". Seriously, he can't live without that hairless cat of a bitch, WTF? Beating up Tigh was relatively badass, but to do it all over a woman who probably doesn't even listen to him when he talks and reads? Dear frakkin' gods, how far has the mighty Adama fallen? WTF?...

If anything, the only real saving graces of this episode were the teases for next week's showing (especially with the destroyed Cylon base-ship and Resurrection Hub), all the Grace Park close-ups (naturally), and the few call-backs to the first season of the series that were there...

He stays behind in a friggin' Raptor for who knows how long, reading the shitty ass book that the president apparently liked, all just so that he can mouth out at her with "about time" when she finally admits she loves him? To be honest, I guess it was a sweet and heart-warming moment, but did the writers really have to sacrifice everything that made Admiral Adama into a fucking legendary badass to pull this off? WTF?...

To be fair, The Hub was one of the better episodes of the season, not like that's saying much. It was interesting to see the ol' priest back, whatever that bitch's name was, although I found most of her scenes to be eye-rolling and grating even by Sci-Fi standards. So, the president had to learn to un-president herself and become a proper, loving woman like she was at the start of the series all over again? While I can relate to Adama's predicament of a woman you fall for who simply would not let herself fall for you (...), I just didn't feel like this one single episode of isolation was really enough for Roslin to open herself back up. It felt rushed really, even though technically the writers had been leading into it while she was rediscovering faith during cancer treatment and everything. The thing is though, while Admiral Adama had been opening up to her for the past few years, it just felt cheap how Roslin's been a pure bitch to him for God knows how long, then suddenly everything is fine and dandy after just a few jumps away. He deserves better than this, begging for her cold hand. Ha, doesn't he have any pride?...

Besides the whole Adama and Roslin affair, there were a few noteworthy scenes to this episode. A lot of them actually belonged to Gaius Baltar, but I really had no idea why he had suddenly reverted back to his old smarmy, slimy self. All of a sudden, instead of sermonizing and almost honestly believing his own bullshit, he was yelling at the Hybrid and trying to convince the Centurions or something to start a rebellion in the name of God? First of all, what was the purpose of all that, except perhaps to have an army of evil robots under his command. Either way, I had no clue what he was thinking or what his objectives were, but I still did enjoy the return of the old Gaius Baltar we used to know and loathe. I didn't mind his little morphine admittance of guilt near the end either, considering it felt like a proper bridge between his old and new personalities, not to mention the fact that letting him just die there on the table, really showed how much of a bitch Roslin had become...

And strangely enough, I really did feel like this episode was one of Helo's best performances of the entire series. I'm not sure what led me to believe that, considering all he did was infiltrate the Resurrection Hub and got his back massaged by the hottest Cylon in the goddam galaxy. Maybe I'm just a little extra partial to the Helo today, simply because I got a chuckle from the president's command that he was not married to the entire Eight line? Or maybe I just tolerated his prissy, pansy bullshit this week for once since that Grace Park by his side was even hotter than normal, sporting the best damn fashion sense I've ever seen an evil robot wear before. I'm not sure why I didn't mind Helo this week, especially after four fucking seasons of complaining about his pussy-whipped ass. Maybe I just appreciated how he was finally pimping himself out to all the Grace Parks out there? Or maybe my opinion of him changed simply because he didn't seem that fucking wussy compared to Adama holed up in a goddam Raptor? At this point, who frakkin' knows...

I can't really complain about an episode where there's actually the first decent space combat since Exodus of last season. The destruction of the Resurrection Hub was not just a thing of beauty from a CG point of view, but the music accompanying it all was decent as well. And of course there were cliche moments of clashes between the human and Cylon pilots before and during the battle, but it was still well done and toned down enough for me to simply enjoy the soundtrack and spectacular fireworks. How the hell can I really fault an episode for nuking a giant space station to frakkin' shreds, all the while showing tons of naked and doll-like Grace Parks in white goo, ready to be programmed to do whatever I pleased? Ha, maybe Helo not being married to the entire line gave me a ray of hope and chance...

Of course, the key to this episode was the resurrection of D'anna. Unfortunately, that part disappointed, except perhaps her fake-out of Roslin that also managed to pull a chuckle out of my ass. I was hoping for something more of a revelation than D'anna refusing to talk until she was safe (although how is being back with the fleet supposed to be safe?). But I guess we'll just have to wait until next week's Revelations to figure out how much Ron Moore is going to screw us over when it comes to the long hiatus of a goddam break...

I did enjoy The Hub for what it was worth, as it was a huge improvement over the past two episodes. We got a large scale battle filled with pretty light shows, and all the cutest Grace Parks and perks that a guy like me would ever ask for outside of a copy of my own...

If only Admiral Adama wasn't so fucking embarrassing to the point of actually making Helo look like a proper man, maybe I would be giving this episode two thumbs up. Or maybe if the rest of the season wasn't as goddam eye-rolling as President Roslin's I'm Lovin' It campaign, I wouldn't be demanding all this and so much more from an episode like The Hub...

I mean, sure it was a decent showing in the end. But quid pro quo, we fans were definitely owed one...

I'm not sure if this was the best episode of the fourth season of the show so far, but considering how bad the past ten or so episodes have been, I wouldn't be goddam surprised. I for one, enjoyed bits and pieces of Revelations, reminding me of the best the series could do since Exodus and Pegasus. Absolutely the best scene of the season so far, was when Colonel Tigh knew exactly what he was going to do. He marched straight into the Admiral's office, told him eye to single eye that he himself was a Cylon, and then all the director had to do was let Edward James Olmos go to work. Now, I could've done without the drizzle of spit going down Lee's arm in the following scene, but the acting overall by all parties in this goddam revelation was bloody hell revelatory. It was exactly what Battlestar Galactica has always been about...

Admiral Adama was at the top of his game in Revelations for the first time in ages, even when he was pussy-whipped enough to give Madame President the right to order people around. There was just something sweet and personal in the way Edward James Olmos acted here in this episode, both with Tigh when trying to convince him that he wasn't a Cylon, and when he was giving Laura Roslin hope for the future of humanity. You gotta love his saying of "rolling a hard six", as even I started to get excited at the finale of the show as soon as Adama poured his heart and soul and all the marbles into this one jump alone. This was absolutely the best we've seen the Admiral since at least Exodus, if not even Pegasus or the first season of the show. Even when balling like a little child in the corner with a bloody hand, Admiral Adama was still the fucking man...

This was also Colonel Tigh's finest moment since who knows when, maybe even since the first season of the show. It took true balls and guts to reveal to his best friend of thirty years that he was a skin job, but Saul did it for the sake of the fleet and the crew and all of humanity. Even when Lee was ready to push the button to airlock his ass out into space, Tigh never backed down from his decision. His resolve was clear, clearer than it ever could've been with two working eyes, and you've got to give him some credit for that. His path this season has been unnervingly annoying for the better part of the year, especially his frakkin' relationship with the Six they have chained up. But he made up for it all here when he proved to Admiral Adama his sense of loyalty, even after being stripped of command in the shortest stint in goddam history...

Even Lee felt poised and useful for the first time since he actually donned the commander uniform of the Pegasus. It was strange seeing him boss around his father, but it was also comforting and appropriate that he would be the one to console the Admiral in his greatest time of weakness. Lee also never backed down and never flinched when D'anna was ready to push his buttons, so to speak. While it was about time for the writers to finally give Lee a backbone and resolve of his own, I also have to give props to the actor. Jaimie Bamber hasn't done an excellent job on this series since Hand of God, as far as I'm concerned. He still hasn't matched his performance from then, but he definitely earned my respect again with his work here in Revelations...

I wasn't nearly as impressed with Laura Roslin as I was with any of the other central characters, but even she managed to provide a few moments or two. She was mostly silent in the background, still trying to boss Torri around as if she were her bitch, but I appreciated how she brought forth a bit of chemistry and comic relief for once, especially when Gaius Baltar thanked for her essentially not murdering him. I expected a better moment between the three of them when Torri revealed her Cylon nature, although Baltar insisting that he knew all along with exactly how I expected him to react. Still, all three characters had their share of minor moments of glory, which is exactly what you want from a potential season finale. Almost every character in the series got their fifteen seconds of fame in, whether it was Helo being a pansy-ass, Felix Gaeta with his cliche sob story, or Dualla being a cold as hell bitch, as nobody was left out of Revelations...

The only true flaws, besides an abrupt lack of Grace Park gratuitous shots, came with the plotline itself. Really, was Anders and Chief Tyrol receiving a signal that something was weird with Starbuck's brand new Viper, really the best the writers could come up with in their search for earth? The only decent moment that came out of the silent distress call was the smug look on Anders and Tyrol's faces when it was revealed to Kara that they were Cylons. Besides that, how does it make logical sense that Kara would come back from the dead with a brand new spankin' Viper, which magically turns out to be the only ship in the entire fleet to hear some ghost message from beyond the grave? I'm sure one day all these weird, magical happenings will be explained by what hopefully will be rational concepts. But for an episode entitled "Revelations", I for one couldn't help but be goddam disappointed. Especially considering Kara was her usual distant, bitchy self...

As for the discovery of "earth", that was not earth, or at least not the only earth they will find. It didn't show anything that concluded that this was the planet of their destination. They were no sights of Saturn or Jupiter or even our trademark moon. Ron Moore made sure that the camera view of the blue planet wouldn't reveal any tell-tale continents or islands or anything conclusive at all. Sure, the destroyed skyline with the busted bridge was far too reminiscent of a New York City, but they were plenty of locations like this back at the 12 colonies, where all of humanity wears modern-day fashion and drives modern day cars for some frakkin' reason. I would've cared a lot more for this destruction of earth, if only I even remotely believed that this was the true earth that they found. I did love the musical score at the end, or lack thereof, but the moment simply had no real impact on me without tons of naked Grace Parks running around in the nuclear-radiated sands...

At least it did wet my whetted appetite for the second half of the season to come. Problem is, how long of a frakkin' delay will we have to wait for this goddam hiatus to be over and done with? I've heard we won't get the follow-up to Revelations until 2009. How is that frakkin' fair? If they writers were going to leave us like this, why not at least explain what Kara is? Why not at least hint at the final Cylon, instead of just claiming it's a person no longer in the fleet (so Dualla and Helo seem to be off the list)? Why the frak would they put us through this torture, just when the fourth season of the show had the potential to be good? WTF?...

"Sometimes a great series turns out to be a total piece of Battleshit Galactica...

I had such high hopes for the fourth season of the show, and this is what we get? For some, seeing Earth in ruins as the result of Skinjob Judgment Day was the most important day of their life. But for me though? It was Tuesday...

Was there anything that I actually cared about in this episode? It was all a bunch of doom and gloom and emo bullshit that I just couldn't connect to on any single level. Are you honestly going to tell me that Admiral Adama, the man who started off using Earth as just an excuse to get the fleet moving, was so shaken and stirred by Revelations that he actually was begging like a dog in heat for his XO to suicide him? I honestly don't get why people lost so much hope in Battlestar Galactica, when in some twisted way, doesn't the discovery of earth pretty much validate the old prophecies as being at least somewhat true? Before, everyone just lived on faith, and now they actually have some level of proof of their gods and their afterlives and shit like that. And they choose to go all emo apeshit and crying over the walls instead? WTF?...

I was supposed to care about Dualla offing herself, wasn't I? Instead, all I could feel was the horror in Lee's eyes. Not that his ex-wife killed herself, but that she chose to kill herself after their fucking date. I mean seriously, was he that damn bad? Was he really that horrible of a night out that she didn't even want to get fucked one last time before ending her life? I mean honestly, if I was Lee, I'd be feeling like total shit right now that on her last night in the world, she didn't even want to frak one last time. WTF? And as for Dualla herself, she was always a weak and annoying character that never had any chemistry with Lee in the first place. Good riddance, the actress was sadly better in her high school days on Smallville than anywhere else. Pretty much, as soon as I saw her point that gun at her head? The commercial that followed up on the Space Channel honestly sang out all the words that I wanted to shout out myself...

"I just want to celebrate - another day of living! I just want to celebrate - another day of living! OH YEAH!"

Finally, the bitch is dead. Then again, isn't that what I said about Kara Thrace and yet she's still sadly around, extra body and all? I mean, I wanted to get some answers for a) how she was able to come back from Maelstrom and b) why the frak she's the destroyer of humanity or whatever sort of shit. Instead, all we got here was some sight-seeing of a downed Viper fighter, a body that had Kara's dog-tags, and Leoban running like a scalded dog in fear of the woman he had shackled as his play-toy not so long ago. Seriously, WTF?...

The only parts of Sometimes a Great Notion that I did enjoy revolved around the Final Five Cylons themselves (and the scenes with Grace Park in the background, but that's a given). It was somewhat interesting to learn that Earth was the home of an entire colony of Cylons that could breed, but why call this planet Earth then? There wasn't anything Earthly about it besides the same cars and modern technology we saw back on Caprica anyways. We didn't even get to see any land-masses to confirm if it's "our" Earth, but that's what the Cylons chose to call the planet anyways. It was a decent reveal that Ellen was the final Cylon, except that it ruins the importance around her death since now I'm sure we'll end up seeing her again. I was interested in the mythology Ron Moore had built up in Revelations for the show, but I was left completely underwhelmed from the answers we got here...

Seriously, sometimes a great idea leads to a shit episode, and that's what we got here. Do I really want to watch the president go all Smallville on our asses when sadly, the events of this hour should have proven to her that there is some merit to the prophecies she had been following for so long now? WTF?...

This was not the fabled return to the airways of Earth that I expected from Battlestar Galactica. To say that I was as goddam disappointed as Dualla is a frakkin', fucking understatement..."

"Ron Moore is a shitty writer. Now we officially know that Ron Moore is a shitty director too...

Honestly, "A Disquiet Follows My Soul"? That's the best emo title he could come up with for the episode he chose to direct? Now, I will admit that some of the cinematography during this last hour of Battlestar Galactica was decent, but it all simply screamed to me an amateurish sort of frakkin' art, as if I was watching some college kid filming with a big budget for the very first time...

The rest of the story was lame and boring as fuck, although I do understand the importance of following up on last week's events. With Dualla simply being the first to thankfully suicide herself, obviously the cast and crew had to get their shit together to give the people some semblance of hope. I just don't know if retrofitting every human ship with Cylon jump-technology is goddam worth it though. Seriously, I understand they might run out of fuel sooner or later, but how can it be wise to install organic technology that no human understands in every single ship, and then suddenly trust that it works without any sort of proper engineering testing or maintenance whatsoever? It's not just a matter of trusting the Cylons that come onboard, it's also about Murphy's Law that everything that can go wrong will go wrong. I was actually on Felix Gaeta's side here, that it was a dumbass decision to not only let Cylons onboard every single ship in the fleet (as if they wouldn't cause a mass riot thanks to, you know, the holocaust of all of humanity) but also replace every ship's tried and true propulsion and navigation systems on the simple word that maybe it will save their lives one day. Seriously, I for one wouldn't let this decision go through, why should Adama? WTF?...

I'm sorry, this episode was dumbass and disturbing on so many levels. On one side, I sadly agree with Gaeta for once, which shames me after seeing him throw away a free Grace Park in the goddam webisode series. On the other side, we had a disgusting image placed in our heads of a naked Admiral Adama with President Roslin. Sure, I find the two to be a sweet couple under normal circumstances, but did we honestly have to see them together like that? It's almost like seeing your own mother and father frakkin' each other's brains out right before they get a divorce. It's just not right, and the human soul was not meant to take this kind of abuse. WTF, Ron Moore? Seriously, WTF?...

Most of this episode consisted of gratuitous camera shots that only a high school filmboy obsessed with Donnie Darko would love. I guess I was glad so much time was wasted by watching the president run through the corridors of Galactica, if only because we were left with less insufferable lines of script instead. But really, wasn't there nothing better that Ron Moore could do with his time? He was trying to set the stage up for the events of The Oath, where Gaeta and Tom Zarek stage a coup de grace on everyone's ass. That's fine, but why bother with such a horribly boring plotline of some random ship in the fleet following Zarek's orders to disappear, only to end up being brought back to the fold five minutes later? I understand Zarek just wanted to show he had some support on his side, and I guess that got Gaeta talking to him in the end. But there was absolutely no pay-off in this single episode by itself, and it all led to the most painful, monumentally boring bullshit thanks to Ron fucking Moore. WTF?...

And oh, turns out Hot Dog is really the father of Tyrol's child. Are we actually supposed to give a damn? So Cally wanted to kill herself and her human child? Wow, give her the mother of the year award then. What a fucking slut...

Seriously, 'A Disquiet Follows My Soul'? Wow, an overly pretentious name for an overly pretentious series made by an overly pretentious prick. Why am I not surprised?...

My soul has had enough. The only thing that follows me anymore is the haunting vision of President Roslin and Admiral Adama frakking each other up. Dear fucking Lords of Kobol...

"Finally an episode I can get behind. Finally Ron Moore delivers on his own fucking oath to entertain...

Finally we had an episode that I wasn't bored to tears from. Was it of the same quality as Hand of God or Pegasus, the two episodes of the series I was actually on the edge of my seat for? No, not quite, but at least it stands up there with Exodus and whatever other second tier sort of crap. A ton of action happened in The Oath and almost made the boring, plodding plotline of A Disquiet Folllows My Soul into something worthwhile. Well, okay, maybe nothing could make that steaming pile of shit entertaining, but at least The Oath made me forget about it for twenty or so minutes at least...

The Oath was exactly the kind of story that made Battlestar Galactica a rivetting experience back in its first and second seasons. We had a simple dilemma and a simple premise, with Admiral Adama overstepping his bounds in ordering every human ship to install Cylon technology aboard their vessels. Even the quorum was completely against it, including Lee Adama to some extent. The Admiral was trying to use his military authority to accomplish something that even I disagreed with, as it's simply not a good idea to install brand new technology into aging ships, especially when no-one on those ships even knows how to do simple maintenance on this new bullshit. This is the kind of schism that made episodes like Pegasus into something worthwhile to watch in the past, as BSG has always been about tough decisions that can go either way. And when the debate is taken off the table, then the fire-fights start and that's exactly what happened here in The Oath. It's textbook, old skool Battlestar Galactica, and for one frakkin' week of the fourth season of the show, I actually goddam approve...

Dualla had her final swan song not so long ago, and it seems like Lt. Gaeta will be having his final say very soon. To be honest, even with the webisodes centering around him, I don't really understand why he's suddenly become so bitter and so disloyal to the Adama administration. Sure in the past, he preferred Baltar over Roslin, which cost him a ton of his pride and naivete, but he's been pretty much fine and normal since then. Are we really to expect that a lost leg and a little pep talk from Zarek was all he needed to turn to the dark side of the force? Well, alright, it sucks to be betrayed by a fucking hot Grace Park model like he was in the webisodes, but even then, he can just stop by the baseship and get a couple more for shits and giggles. Even though I didn't truly understand his motives here in The Oath, I have to admit it was one of the actor's best moments on the series, dictating orders yet looking conflicted as hell at times over what he was doing. He believed that his actions were just, but deep down inside, you could tell he was simply a bitter man crying out for a little more rubbing cream on his pirate leg of a stub...

Besides being Felix Gaeta's last chance to shine, it seems Tom Zarek finally gets to have his martyr moment that he's been desperate for since the first season of the show. Unlike Gaeta, he doesn't really believe that the coup he's orchestrating is the right thing to do. He could have easily just detained Lee Adama, but you could tell how much ambition for power and lust for revenge he had hidden in his eyes when he sent the poor boy wonder off to die. I'm not sure if the actor who plays Tom Zarek actually approves of this new BSG series (considering he was the Lee Adama of the old series of the same name), but if he was harbouring any true ill will, at least it actually got the chance to shine in the spotlight here in The Oath. I think he did a fine job as the little devil on Gaeta's shoulder in this episode, and I'm sure he'll be smiling in a suit when all is said and done and he finally goes out in the blaze of glory his character was always meant to have...

The Oath wasn't an amazing episode outside of those two characters, but at least it offered something for everyone involved. Chief Tyrol got to stop whining about either religion or being a frakkin' Cylon, and simply went back to looking after the ship like he used to be so good at back in the day. Baltar started off boring when it came to his whole Jesus-wannabe bullshit all over again, but at least some of his old personality traits started to shine through once more, with his instinctive ability to turn tail and run like the best of cowards we know and love. Anders finally got to make a token appearance again, beaten up by Peter from Stargate Atlantis of all British wimps, but at least it was good to be reminded that he is a Cylon and that he does have a purpose on the show afterall. And Helo? Well, I'm just happy that he was beaten the frak up as well as the pussy-whipped loser that he is. I've never been on the side of the people who prey on helpless Cylons, despite the human holocaust, but when it comes to goddam Helo in all his annoying boringness? He's fair game for any amount of dropping the soap, as far as I'm concerned...

The Oath was also the episode where President Roslin finally got to step up and show that she truly is in charge. The actress did a great job in showing just how distressed she was not just that power was being usurped from under her throne, but that Admiral Adama was going to go down with his ship. I may never be able to burn that god-awful image out of mind of the two of them frakkin' each other in bed, but at least I can still find their romance to be the sweetest thing there is when saying goodbye to one another, perhaps for the last time. Roslin did a great job in trying to slow down the rebellion, and Admiral Adama had a lot of great scenes of loyalty and camaraderie with Colonel Tigh, especially when it came to their badass stand-off at the end of the episode. Hell, even Lee and Starbuck got a few old skool moments back in the episode, with that small little kiss that reminded me just how great of a match they were back in the first season, especially in episodes like Hand of God...

Now don't get me wrong, The Oath was certainly no Hand of God, but at least it was a nice start back to the pinnacle of the series. It was a simple story with a simple scenario with simple character actions and emotions that are believable in their situations. I can only hope Battlestar Galactica can go out on top, but it's a long way back from the bottom of the goddam barrel. Seeing tons of action all bunched together in one hour of a coup de grace was very entertaining though, and that's all I ask for at bare minimum from the goddam series these days...

Finally, Ron Moore gave us an episode worth fighting for and worth goddam watching for once...

Finally, he went back to his oath and gave us something that was not a total piece of crap..."

"The Oath was perhaps the first great episode of Battlestar Galactica since the second frakkin' season. Blood on the Scales though, not so much. It's not that it was a bad episode or anything, but it did suffer from being a disappointment compared to the first half of the two parter, for sure...

Admiral Adama in The Oath was a fierce combatant who didn't back down from anyone, whether it was to protect his ship or to protect the woman he loves. Here in Blood on the Scales though, Edward James Olmos didn't have much to do, he pretty much just sat around the desk as the fake little tribunal had their way. I wasn't a fan of any of his scenes with Lampkin, who just happened to appear magically out of thin air for this episode. The Admiral at least had a decent reunion with Colonel Tigh after thinking he was dead, but why no love for seeing Lee Adama alive? And I honestly really do wish some of his old father-daughter relationship with Starbuck could be brought back into the fold. It just felt like a bunch of wasted character opportunities here in Blood on the Scales, especially compared to how much of a family-based series Battlestar Galactica truly felt like in its first season...

I'll give some props to President Laura Roslin for putting up a good voice of a fight in this episode. I just didn't feel she backed up her shrieks and cries of woman-horror though, she just felt like she was bitching and complaining for the hell of it. Half of the time, she left the Basestar just sitting in the middle of the fleet doing absolutely nothing but bidding its time. When it was finally time to make her move, all Roslin did was yell and screech and never got to back up the force in her words. I'll give credit where credit is due, you could definitely tell just how pissed off and how vengeful the character was in the tone of her voice. But maybe because the atmosphere of the insides of the Basestar screams out nothing to me but cheap Sci-Fi gimmicks, I just couldn't feel any resonance or resoluteness in what she was saying. She kept demanding that all the Cylons stay on her side but for really what reason? The human fleet hates them, Admiral Adama had pretty much been left to slaughter, and the Cylon rebels could probably survive a lot longer if they just took their ball and ran home with it instead. If anything, Roslin did her best but she just wasn't convincing to me in any shape or form, except to prove that she was emotionally unbalanced and goddam bipolar...

I'll also admit that Lt. Gaeta had a good send-off here in Blood on the Scales. If any character was given his dues in this episode, it was Felix Gaeta, as I even felt sorry for him a bit in his final talk with Gaius Baltar. The problem here though, was that while the director and writers did a fine job of showing the ill-fated comm officer to be questioning his decisions, demonstrating the weight on his shoulders and the guilt on his conscience? It all felt pointless and meaningless when Tom Zarek just suddenly decided to massacre the entire Quorum, and for what really? What was the point in killing them all when he could have simply silenced them with imprisonment or just ignored them completely? What was the point of him going all MWAHAHA evil-bastard badassery, especially when Gaeta was right that the truth was no longer on their side? In The Oath, one of the strongest elements was that we could actually agree with Lt. Gaeta's point of view against siding with the Cylons, and even the Quorum pretty much agreed with him to some extent. And then all of a sudden, Tom Zarek just slaughters them mercilessly out of random shits and giggles, and Lt. Gaeta just goes along with it? He had a good case and arguably a clean conscience before that happened, and then the writers decided to throw it all away so that we viewers have no choice but to cheer for the firing squad. WTF?...

The rest of the characters all have a few moments that were decent here and there, but nothing truly memorable like in The Oath. Lee got to prove how capable he still was of being a soldier, wiping out a whole squad of marines with merely a sidearm, but all that scene proved to me was how pointless and useless it was for the writers to turn him into a diplomat in the first place. Kara Thrace was fine and even fun when she was going commando with Lee, but as soon as Anders came back into the scene and got a bullet to the brain, I just couldn't give a damn about her character anymore. Gaius Baltar had a decent moment when talking to Lt. Gaeta, as all the strong scenes in the episode were based around the latter, but I'm still disappointed in how the writers have wasted the good doctor this season with nothing more than some random cult bullshit storyline. Colonel Tigh was fine, shoving a gun down some random Lieutenant's throat for refusing to stand by the old man Admiral, but I just can't get behind this goddam Caprica Six pregnancy angle. The two of them have zero chemistry, and unless it's somehow shown that Caprica Six somehow downloaded all of Ellen's memories or some shit like that, I don't get what the frak the writers are doing here with this shitstain of an angle. And seriously, we needed more random scenes of hot as fuck Grace Parks on the Basestar. Instead, at least we did get a few gratuitous scenes of hot and sweaty Athena on the Galactica, but unfortunately they were ruined with goddam Helo by her side...

Aside from the deaths of Felix and Tom Zarek, was there anything actually achieved here in Blood on the Scales? Were there actually any consequences? The most I could make out was that perhaps the prophecy that a "dying leader" would not make it to Earth (the real Earth) may not be about President Roslin afterall, but rather the Battlestar Galactica as Tyrol pointed out. It's sad to say that the best scenes in this episode were owed to Lt. Gaeta being his pirate peg-leg of a selfish bastard self, and to Chief Tyrol when randomly spouting shit with a gun pointed at his head in the armoury. Those were the kinds of character moments I was hoping for after The Oath, but the follow-up to last week's excellent episode just couldn't goddam measure up...

I'm harsh on Blood on the Scales only because it paled in comparison to The Oath. It was still a solid episode, just not one that I would watch again. It wasn't a waste of an hour, but I certainly expect more and much better from the final goddam stretch of Battlestar Galactica...

And if the Final Five episodes of Battlestar Galactica or however hours are left turn out to be utter Ron Moore shit?...

... then there's definitely going to be hell to pay and goddam blood to weigh...

"No Exit? Such an appropriate name, considering that's how trapped I felt when watching this goddam waste of a lifetime...

Alright, so at least Ron Moore finally gave us some answers and exposition as to what the frak is happening in the series. It seems that humans on Kobol made the human-like Cylons that eventually settled on "Earth" as the 13th tribe. These Cylons originally had resurrection technology (and probably jump drive) then lost it all when they started to breed like humans and forget their past. Then for some goddam reason, their entire planet was nuked, and only five of them survived thanks to Head Six or Head Baltar or whoever was warning these Final Five that their planet and existence were in danger. They managed to recreate the resurrection technology, lived to fight another day, then wasted a thousand years of the universe while traveling the stars on some Trek to find their long lost cousins (who apparently use the same damn car models and clothing brands as they did back on Earth, go figure)...

At least we got some answers. How about solutions to the new questions then? Why was Earth nuked? Why was Earth populated by Cylons? Is it really "our" Earth or our timeline? Who the hell are these hallucinatory beings and why do they seem to know future events? And okay, so at least it makes some sense that these Final Five Cylon models created the original eight (whoever the fuck Daniel is, last name Jackson I'm sure), that answers some questions as to why they still can't remember truly who they are. But why is history destined to constantly keep repeating itself, why are humans always making Cylons that they go to war with? Is it supposed to be our human nature, or is it the goddam Lords of Kobol screwing around with our heads? There are still lots of questions left to be answered, and No Exit certainly left far too many of them left to the imagination. And I'm sure Ron Moore is patting himself on the back right now for what he did give us, with no interest in ever writing for us the goddam rest. WTF?...

I guess we might as well be thankful we got any answers whatsoever though. It somewhat makes sense, given how vindictive and childish of a character the Cavil's (or John's) of the Cylons seem to be, that he would wipe the memories clean of the Final Five and then situate them randomly in human society to witness the destruction of the 12 colonies. Of course, that doesn't really explain how he could be such a sadist that during the occupation, he would happily sleep with the woman who was essentially his mother, who also seemed attracted to him after she designed him after her own goddam father. I guess that explains a lot about the fucked up nature of Cylon society, although I would've been happy just to keep imagining dozens upon dozens of Grace Parks pleasuring themselves in one great orgy, bending a helpless virgin's will until she happily submits. Why couldn't that be the No Exit that this episode talked about? WTF?...

This episode was a complete boring fucking mess, and it's all thanks to how this grand exposition of Cylon culture was done. On one side of things, you had Anders the Jimmy Bimmy bastard recanting the tale as if he working the kids section at a book store. To make things sound even more ridiculous, not only did he start fucking up words, but the director actually brought in the fucking PC guy from the goddam Apple commercials as comic fucking relief? WTF? And then on the other side of the coin, you had Ellen back from the grave, obviously looking horny as hell in wanting to fuck the Cylon face based upon her father, then settling for Boomer as I think we can all relate. Nothing really happened in this episode, it was just a bunch of random talking over a horrible storyline that I'm sure Ron Moore thought was genius when he thought it up a month or two ago. At least the revelations of why the Final Five lost their memories and why they were hidden amongst human society makes some sense, but every other answer felt like it was randomly made up on the spot by reading internet forums for clues on how to salvage all the fucked up plot points Ron Moore left behind, without nary a plan of how they could all fucking fit together. WTF?...

No Exit? Seriously, that's what Ron Moore deserves in a locked fucking cage after thinking that this episode was a goddam good idea. Any show centered around Anders is an episode fit for imprisonment and goddam insanity...

... if you checked my brain waves after the hour was done, I wouldn't be caught anywhere in my head either..."

"Wow, just when I thought I had seen it all from Battlestar Galactica, Ron Moore surprises me again. Deadlock was perhaps the absolute worst hour of television I have ever witnessed outside of Star Trek 5 and Voyager. Seriously, I'm not kidding, this shit was more painful to watch than the past seven years of goddam Smallville. WTF?...

How could I possibly take this episode seriously when half of the talk consisted of Ellen being completely bipolar, trying to be a bitch to Saul one moment then sucking up to the goddam Cylon baby the next? I mean, I understand that some part of "love" must be involved in order to create a Cylon child, or so the Hera story claims. But first of all, we have never seen any indication of actual chemistry between Tigh and Caprica Six, and second why the frak would Ron Moore put us through the worst dialogue imaginable from Ellen when it came to trying to save the baby's life with empty words and noname comfort? Deadlock was absolutely the most dreadful piece of soap opera bullshit writing I have ever been forced to endure outside of the Lana Lang years on Smallville, I'm dead serious about that. Who the frak thought that this would be a good idea of an episode with less than five fucking hours left on the show? WTF?...

Need I say anymore? None of the characters were bearable in Deadlock, not even Admiral Adama. All Edward James Olmos got to do was look all tired and angsty over his ship falling to pieces around him. It certainly didn't help that we were stuck in a deja vu loop, seeing Tyrol's disgruntled and constipated face at random intervals in some sort of Groundhog montage surrounding the repairs to the ship. Sure, it may be significant in the final episode how Galactica sacrifices itself in order to give humanity its chance at a new life on earth or some crap like that, but must we really deal with so much frakking bullshit like we did in Deadlock to get there? I gave Stargate Atlantis a ton of gripes and grief for wasting away its final hours on standalone episodes that weren't even worthy of a decent season. Out of all series though, I expected Battlestar Galactica to actually have an enjoyable and meaningful final arc leading up to the finale, much like Star Trek: Deep Space 9 had before its fateful departure. Hell, wasn't Ron Moore part of the Star Trek team, and yet Deadlock is the best he can come up with when there are only four fucking episodes left on the show? WTF?...

Was I supposed to be entertained by random bullshots of Anders lying there in a coma and the rest of the Final Five all arguing and bitching around him? Ellen Tigh had returned to the Galactica, and not only was Boomer as the escort completely ignored this episode, but the writers also missed out on a perfect opportunity to actual reveal more of the backstory and mythos of the series considering nobody questioned Ellen Tigh about the goddam things she now remembered? How the fuck did Boomer even find the fleet anyways? It's not like I trust that version of Grace Park, I'm sure she has something up her adorable and hot fucking sleeves. But if it's this frakking easy to find the goddam fleet and the rebel Cylons, why doesn't Cavil just jump in a few goddam nukes and call it a day? WTF?...

Just when I think I've seen it all, Ron Moore surprises me again and again and again. For all those who know about threads and synchronization in programming, it's become goddam apparent that the hive mind of the BSG writers have now been stuck in a goddam deadlock of a fucking infinite loop...

What a horrible, dreadful episode. I rather watch goddam Voyager, I shit you not.

"Someone to watch over me? You know, I wish somebody was hired to actually watch over Ron Moore and his writers, to make sure they weren't producing the Battlestar bullshit that they are. I mean, was Someone to Watch Over Me a decent episode? Maybe, in another season perhaps. Was it worthy or even meaningful when it comes to the final arc of the goddam series? Please, don't make me laugh...

And that's pretty much the crux of things. When was the last time BSG made me laugh? When was the last time it made me feel an emotional tug? Back in the first season, I would snicker at every moment with Head Six in Baltar's brain, and feel something real everything Lee and Starbuck had a scene together. I will admit, parts of Someone to Watch Over Me were touching between Kara and the vision of a piano player who we're supposed to guess is her father...

We're also supposed to link two and two together and surmise that perhaps the Daniel that Ellen talked about a couple episodes ago was somehow Starbuck's father, and that perhaps Starbuck is special by being a hybrid child. Then again, that doesn't answer how she's the destroyer of humanity (unless it means she's the first of a new race to replace humanity), that doesn't explain how she got to earth or how she found her body there, and it certainly doesn't explain why the frak she was so messed up at the start of the season. I get it, Hera and Starbuck are both linked to the same godly source that presented us with Head Six in the first couple seasons of the show. So what, where does that get us now? Battlestar Galactica really hasn't explained anything more than fucking Lost has, it just keeps force feeding us more and more questions simply because that's what writers do to keep far too forgiving viewers on a goddam leash...

Like I said though, there were a few touching moments between Kara and her father, namely the little gaze and graze on the cheek he gave her at the end of their duet. And the return of "Over the Watchtower" had some significance, although it doesn't explain anything as to why a real modern song made it to a Cylon earth, or why this music is so damn important in the grand scheme of things. As for the rest of the episode? Well, we had Tigh whining about his lost child, a kid I had already forgotten even existed on the show thanks to the pure shittiness of Deadlock. We had an Ellen Tigh that was neither evil nor useful, as once again the writers completely frakked and wasted a golden opportunity to reveal more of the mythos behind the Cylons and the series. Torri was pretty much as comatose as Anders was, as the writers have completely wasted away her character since she thankfully got rid of Cally on the goddam show. And were we supposed to give a shit about Admiral Adama crying foul over his lost Battlestar Galactica yet again? Yes, he loves the vessel and would probably rather go down with it than get down with Laura Roslin ever again, I get it. But did we really need the umpteenth, generic, deja vu shot of the ship being repaired by a constipated chief, the same cycled Cylon bullshit that we already got as the main course of the hour back in goddam Deadlock? WTF?...

Then we had Chief Tyrol being a complete fucking pussy-whipped idiot. Considering the girl in question is Grace fucking Park, I guess I can hardly blame him, though in this case I definitely will blame the writers. Not only does he leave Boomer completely unsupervised after basically killing another cute Eight and leaving the body in the cell (how did he pull that off anyways?), not only does he blindly trust that the woman that has been a complete bitch for the past three seasons would never have an ulterior motive, but he somehow was left still absolutely clueless as to what the frak happened after it was all said and done? So what, he didn't even bother to check if everything went fine since he was so happy in his little Cylon Picon projection world? Really, he's that naive after everything that has happened to him in life, from Boomer first, to Cally, to having his son taken away from him since he was never really his? We're supposed to feel sorry for this fucking idiot, who has become so fucking lost and useless on the series that we might as well call him Kate or Hugo from now on? WTF?...

The only true plus of this episode? That we got a fucking hot scene in the showers of Grace fucking Park moaning her ass off. The bad side of things? We got fucking Helo in the same fucking shot, being the lucky son of a bitch to make her moan. Then again, coming full circle, what's hotter than Grace Park getting fucked in absolute ecstasy, than Grace fucking Park watching herself grab and gasp in goddam writhing pleasure? Really, how can I fucking complain then? It was the only saving grace of the goddam episode, or I guess two saving graces and one Saving Private Ryan, might I add...

When it comes to Grace Park in that fucking shower? Now that's someone I'd like to watch over me. She can even be the one on top...

But as for the rest? Someone to Watch Over Me wasn't bad per say compared to the rest of the lackluster season so far. But considering it's the third final episode of the entire fucking BSG series? Seriously, where has all the potential gone? Where has all the laughter and heart and goddam emotion that I felt from the first season of show fucking disappeared to? WTF?...

I'm disappointed in Ron Moore. I thought the final five episodes would be something worth watching...

"Wow, just when you thought Ron Moore couldn't come up with a more pretentious title for an episode? He outdoes himself yet again...

Really, what was the point of Islanded in a Stream of Stars? Was it supposed to invoke some sort of patriotism over the Galactica with the Star Spangled Banner or some shit like that? Do we even care that ship is falling apart anymore, especially after God knows how many emo scenes of Adama breaking down? I mean honestly, we get it, he cares about the ship too damn much, and even Roslin knows he loves it more than he does herself. But must we be subjected to the same tired cliche bullshit week after week, making Adama into anything but the goddam badass that he was back in season one? I mean seriously, when Helo Ballard of all fucking angsty bastards has a more memorable moment than even Edward James Olmos in terms of nervous breakdowns, you know something just ain't right...

I will admit that Islanded in a Stream of Stars was better than the previous two episodes. Does that really mean anything though when the writers have completely wasted this final stretch of Battlestar episodes? Where's the epic arc we were promised, where's the pay-off for suffering through four seasons of the show? Instead, all we got was a flashback to season one emo moments, with Kara Thrace giving a slap to the good doctor like the good ol' days. But why the hell did Baltar talk about her reincarnation at the funeral though, it felt so damn forced and out of place. I know he wants to gain more and more influence and support in the fleet with his random ramblings, but wouldn't people just assume that Kara was another Cylon from earth that nobody knew about or some crap like that? How is she proof of life after death for humanity, and how the hell is her existence supposed to help his cause when I thought he was already more powerful by getting a bunch of bigger guns for some goddam reason? None of his storylines have made sense for the past season of the show, and Islanded in a Stream of Stars was definitely no exception. WTF?...

Tyrol was nowhere to be found. I heard one of his scenes was cut, but even so, it's just inexcusable how there really was no fallout after what he did last week in releasing Boomer. Why didn't we see goddam angtsy Helo beating the crap out of the former Chief, after beating the hell out of you know what now that Grace fucking Park won't even have angry sex with him anymore. Meanwhile, it seems that Boomer over by the suddenly announced Cylon homeworld is having second thoughts about kidnapping the whiny kid she had to babysit long ago. Now sure, it's not like her turnaround felt completely forced and out of place, the Eight models have always been known for never sticking by a decision except when it deals with sex. I just wish the writers didn't make these scenes so unbearably boring to watch though, that's all. Once again, we were subjected to the projection of her house back on Picon, where everything is go-happy and horny. I understand what the writers are trying to achieve, but they're doing a horrible job in the process. Battlestar used to be about the hard but realistic choices in life, a modern drama simply set in the backdrop of space. But thanks to additions like Cylon basestar interiors and goddam projection, the show now feels like nothing more than yet another generic piece of fantasy cannon fodder, a soap opera that probably belongs more in the teenage realm of Twilight than anything else. What the hell happened?...

Do I even need to talk about the rest of the characters who were islanded in a stream of shit this episode? Anders was now forced into a role where he spews nothing but random hybrid bullshit about Kara still being the harbinger of death. Colonel Tigh got to raise one eyebrow and look even more confused with the next. Torri had one great scene where she made serious faces at the camera without saying a word, I was so very impressed with that. Roslin got read to by Adama for the umpteenth time, except he didn't even sound like he had his heart into it as he mumbled the words through his sobs for Galactica. Lee and Starbuck got to share a moment, but all was forgotten as soon as Thrace went back to Anders and any real emotional impact that this episode had was ruined by the pure fantasy, sci-fi bullshit that Anders fed out. I'm sorry, but I just don't find Battlestar Galactica to be a compelling story about the human condition anymore. Nothing feels appropriate or believable in the context of the characters or the series any goddam longer. It had so much potential back in the first season, so what the frak happened?...

How many hours of Battlestar Galactica are left? Three? That's not a lot of time to redeem itself. That's not a lot of time at all. As far as I'm concerned? Ron Moore and the writers have left us all islanded in a bullstream of goddam Galactica bullshit. The fourth season of the show has sadly been perhaps their biggest disappointment to date, and that's saying a hell of a lot...

I feel so embarrassed for the actors and the audience above all else, I really do. But I'm willing to give the series one last chance. I'm willing to give the show one last finale for redemption...

Not like I'm giving myself much of a choice here. I suffered through three terrible seasons of the show, why not three hours more?...

... I'm loyal to a fault, even going so far to strand myself on this goddam island one last time..."

Finally, after three fucking years of goddam torture, Battleshit Galactica is finally over...

How did it come to this though? How did the series lose its way so damn badly over the course of the past three seasons? The first year was so promising with so much potential to be a true Sci-Fi take on real world issues and real personal relationships. The first season had a brilliant commander in William Adama, played to perfection every single hour by Edward James Olmos. It had a great first officer in Colonel Tigh, thrust into the role thanks to circumstance, friendship and alcohol. It had a great dynamic and wonderful chemistry between Lee and Starbuck, not just as romantic partners but as great friends who would never betray one another. President Roslin was perhaps the more endearing leader of the people as I had ever seen back in the first season, and her love for Bill Adama was simply undeniable. That first season of the show demonstrated real world people and real world problems, and it all came together with one of the best episodes of Sci-Fi I had ever seen in Hand of God (not to mention a ship full of naked Grace Parks in the season finale). So honestly, since then, what the frak happened?...

First, I'll get the good parts of Daybreak out of the way. I'll admit that I liked the battle sequences. Sure, we had to go through God knows how many god-awful and low budget bottle episodes since The Oath to save up for the series finale, but there's no disputing that Ron Moore put on a hell of a light show, probably his best since Exodus. The actual intended plan to save Hera simply because she holds hope for both the human and the Cylon races was absurd though, considering humans could simply be fine if they found a safe haven to live. But why care about such thought dribble when we got Racetrack nuking the hell out of the Cylon base with her dying breath? Even Baltar and Caprica Six got in on the action, showing a bit of that chemistry towards one another again that they had back in that fabled first season of the show. Hell, even Helo wasn't that damn useless for once in his goddam lifetime, although I really had hoped he had simply bit the bullet when all was said and done...

Character wise, there were some decent moments in Daybreak. When it came to the first episode, the only part that caught my attention was the drawing of the line and where people would volunteer to stand. It was a nice and touching moment to see where people's loyalties did lie, although like I said, I for one wouldn't have risked it all just to save a little hybrid girl that nobody really knew the true significance of. As for the Battlestar Galactica ship itself, I do like the initial send-off it was given, one final push to save humanity from the evil Cylons with a suicide mission that quite frankly, makes me partially forgive all those goddam low-budget bottle episodes from the second half of this final season. I enjoyed the first half of Daybreak and I even thought some of the shots on our "Earth" at the end were beautiful. The soundtrack was great, touching even, and the cinematography of the sights and sounds of our fair planet were brilliant in their scope yet simplicity. If only the series had ended off on that final, memorable shot of Admiral Adama sitting on the cliff in the middle of nowhere, next to the grave of the woman he loves? Then maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't have this bitter taste in my mouth that I do...

I'm sorry though, but what the hell was Ron Moore thinking? I know I've been saying this for three fucking years now, but has he simply lost his fucking mind? What was the point of the entire ham-fisted, sledgehammer to the head epilogue at the end in modern Washington, warning us about sentient AI as if I was watching Terminator 3 all over again? Why did he think it would be a good idea to knock us out on the back of our heads with the goddam moral of the story, that Hera is so important because she is the apparent genetic ancestor to all "humans" currently on earth? I mean seriously, I didn't just hate the ending because it was completely unnecessary, pretentious and preachy as hell, and I didn't just roll my eyes because Ron Moore had perfectly ruined his finish with William Adama just a couple scenes before. I also couldn't help but gag and vomit at the prospect that every single fucking human on earth is descended from Helo the fucking Belo of a bitch of all pansy wannabes. Though dear fucking God, that certainly explains a lot about the problems with our race, I guess...

Okay, just to get history straight, first Star Wars happens, then Battlestar Galactica, then Stargate, then Star Trek will, right? Am I right?...

I feel bad for the actors and the characters on the series, if this is the send-off they got. First of all, like I mentioned before, Edward James Olmos in the first season of the show was one of the best commanding officers I have ever witnessed in a Sci-Fi series in my lifetime, and that says a lot coming from me. But here in the final season, not only had he become a complete emo pussy thanks to the impending death of the Galactica, not only was he ruined with the ick factor of lying in bed with Laura Roslin before our eyes, but here in the finale I still did not understand his true motives of suddenly wanting to go on a suicide run to save one little girl that nobody even knew would be important 150 000 years down the road. I admit though, there were some nice touches with the character that I did enjoy, namely his flight in the final Viper to launch from Galactica, and the amazing love and dedication he showed to Laura Roslin whenever they were on earth. I don't even have a problem with the notion that he would want to live in the middle of nowhere all by himself for the rest of his life, considering what he has been through over the past few years. But I can blame him for acting completely dumbass in sending Galactica and the rest of the fleet to burn up in the Sun, can't I? Seriously, so what if Galactica couldn't jump anymore? It could still be used as a steward for defence, and yet he just throws away every notion of safety and security and duty and honour for his people and principles that he has had for the past fifty years of his life? WTF?...

As for his son, Lee Adama, does anyone understand what the hell the point of that pigeon was, except as some poor man's John Woo moment for explaining his love for Kara Thrace? On the plus side, I enjoyed that some of his chemistry was back with Starbuck, even though the lying bitch disappeared on him a second later. I also enjoyed the battle sequences he was in, as I've never liked the political Lee Adama that we've gotten in a suit for the past two seasons. I don't even have a problem with him living by himself in the middle of nowhere, just like his father, as I can understand where he's coming from as a personal choice in life, especially after leaving the military for law. But just like with Admiral Adama, do I believe that Lee would ever jump the shark and just let the entire defence of the fleet float away into the Sun? Do I ever think that he would just truly be able to lay back in the grass of earth for the rest of his life after upholding the law and the principles of the Colonies for so damn long? And am I disappointed that he was such a tragic figure with no place left to go, after losing Dualla to a suicidal splash commercial and now Starbuck to bad fucking writing? I mean seriously, give the man a break, or at least a hot fucking Grace Park Cylon to tide away the time. I know the writers just love to shit all over their characters, but why have Lee choose to essentially give up on everything he has ever believed in life? Whether it's being a commander, a pilot, a lawyer, a politician, a husband or a good son, the writers just seem to ignore it all. He didn't even really have any special moments with his father in the series finale. No lighter, WTF? What the frak is up with that?...

Laura Roslin? Well, I've been very annoyed with her character for a very long time, especially after the writers fell back on old habits and simply gave her cancer again for the hell of it. She's been a whiny and insufferable character for a long time now, even dragging William Adama down with her and the ship. Now, did I enjoy the music and the emotion and the cinematography of her moments on the Raptor while viewing earth from the skies? Absolutely, I even thought her death was touching to some extent, even though the Admiral just ignored her last breath like the true pimp that he is. But I still can't get past the fact that we were forced through four years of emo, Helo-like pussy moments from her, not to mention goddam prophecies that in the end pretty much led nowhere. For the record, I actually thought it was creative that the Opera House from her visions turned out to be simply the CIC in Galactica. I personally thought that was a nice twist that not only made sense in the end, but also saved the producers a ton of money for the finale. Am I disappointed though that it turned out her role in history was something that any fucking idiot on the ship could and would have done? Yes, absolutely. Leading Hera to a stand-off in the CIC where the head Cavil simply blows out his brains out of sheer laziness and an actor's request, is not my idea of a grand prophecy coming to fruition. It honestly felt like Laura Roslin was useless to the cause, except to simply turn the once great Commander Adama into the wuss he now is. WTF?...

The two main participants when it came to the final prophecy were Caprica Six and Baltar. With all due respect, while I admit that the two had chemistry here in the series finale and even reminded me a bit of their old (and likable) season one selves, what the fuck were the writers thinking when it came to their character arcs all season long? What was the point of Caprica Six getting pregnant then losing her child, when she simply went crawling back to Baltar as soon as Tigh stopped crying in his one eye? What the hell was the point of Baltar being a leader of a group of sexy harems when it turns out he completely abandons them to be a farmer when all is said and done? I appreciate some of the callbacks that the writers did, especially when it came to his father being someone that Baltar was ashamed of. But really, even though Caprica Six and Baltar were improvements on their old season four selves here in the series finale, how can I forgive the writers when they wasted away my time with them for the past fucking season or two? What was the point of Baltar becoming president but to make fun of George Bush in the end? What was the point of Caprica Six ever supposed to be with Tigh, especially when it turns out the point of the series was to prove how special Hera was as the only Cylon child all along? I liked the whole exchange in the CIC, sure, but really, that's it? That's all that four seasons of prophecies led up to? Carrying around Hera to possibly the worst possible place where she could be safeguarded, then have Tyrol go all apeshit retarded with the added bonus of Cavil shoving one up his own fucking ass? Seriously, this is what God had planned? WTF?...

For four years, we've been told over and over again that not only has all of this happened before and all of it will happen again, but that both the Cylons and God on their side have a plan. Well, while I didn't mind the revelation of the Final Five Cylons earlier on in the season, I certainly do mind how they were used since the big reveal. What plan did they exactly have except to make a bunch of Cylon wannabes with mommy and daddy issues all along? Yes, I understand the message that Ron Moore is trying to beat us over the head with, that humans and Cylons alike are flawed, which can lead to our destruction and yadda yadda yadda. Do I really care about this message though, when apparently the destruction (or safety) of our entire race depends on Chief Tyrol pulling a WWE Rock with his eyebrows and going all Smackdown on Torri's candy-ass? Really, that's the true contribution of the Final Five, making a Cylon race that barely survives thirty years before being nuked into a black hole, and having the fate of all of humanity rest on some disgruntled engineer shoving the hottest remaining member of his entire Cylon race out of the frakking goddam window? Really, this is what God and the Cylons had planned? WTF?...

I'm sorry, but everything that happened with the Cylon race was too disjointed and too fucking random and too fucking stupid in every possible way for Ron Moore ever to be forgiven. What was the point of the Cylons taking over New Caprica, was that ever truly explained? Why did Cavil decide to nuke every single human in the 12 colonies? Seriously, simply out of spite, is that the only answer? Chasing the humans down so that never live to fight another day, that is the only reason for the last four years of all this pretentious and preachy bullshit from Cylons and Ron Moore alike? And then the final payoff is seeing Ellen Tigh and Colonel Tigh screaming like a bunch of idiots at the top of their lungs in some nudie bar while William Adama pukes all over his shirt? Really, this is what BSG considers good writing? When it comes to Saul Tigh, I like how loyal his character is to the Admiral, I like that he doesn't give a shit about his Cylon origins and simply lives his life like the man he's always been and always wants to be. I am disappointed though that as the apparent leader of the Final Five, there turned out to be no real plan and no real point for these particular five to be original Cylons, except as a cautionary tale for the 12 colonies that came way too frakking late. And I am very disappointed that he didn't have more private scenes with Admiral Adama, especially after their friendship has been the only true staple of the series for the past four years. Instead, we just got more bad remixes of Over the Watchtower. WTF?...

If there was any consolation to this episode, if there is any consolation to the entire series, it's Grace fucking Park and how much hope BSG has given me that I can simply have a hot copy of her one of these days. What I cannot stand though, is that Helo the Belo not only survived but also turned out to be my goddam ancestor. Maybe ever worse than that, if Grace Park is also my great-grandmother a million generations removed, does that mean it's wrong to frak her still? Besides all that, at least the two provided some level of action and tension in this episode, although the couple still has not shown one single iota of chemistry towards one another since they've goddam met. I guess I felt a bit happy for them at the end after they got back their daughter, but it just feels so pointless knowing that four seasons of the show led up to the entire human race saving our one little hybrid girl as "God's plan" all along. Seriously, that's all this God wanted from the entire remnants of Colonial society, not to mention the entire Cylon race as well? To save one little special girl, when couldn't the Angels just done a little miracle and made a hybrid out of any fucking human and Cylon couple after finding earth as well? Seriously, I'd gladly man up and step up to plate if only God would give me my own fucking Grace Park. Why the hell was Hera the only hybrid to ever be born and breed and survive? WTF?...

And that's what the biggest problem with the series finale and the entire goddam series was. It's not that answers weren't given to the questions at hand, it's that the answers were obviously bullshit and pulled out of a hat or an island like Lost. Seriously, why was it necessary for all of humanity to be nuked into oblivion? Because God said so. Why did the prophecies of the future all come true? Because God said so. Why is Hera so special and why is it that she became the genetic Eve for all of current humanity? Because God said so. Why the hell did all of humanity and the Cylons suddenly agree to give up all technology and knowledge and security when they don't even know if they can survive bloody hell winter on this fucking new planet of theirs? Because God fucking said so. Why was it necessary for Colonel Tigh to lose his child, why did Caprica Six go crawling back to Baltar, and why did Baltar suddenly become a farmer again after being a goddam cult leader for so frakking long? Because God (Captain Picard probably in this case) made it so. Seriously, are there any other valid answers but these? WTF?...

I feel so bad for Katee Sackoff, I really do, and I'm not just talking about Bionic Woman here. She was killed off last season as a minor plot point that nobody gave a shit about, then suddenly returned with weird psychotic visions of the universe that led them all to a fake fucking earth. What was the point in that? Then, not only does Anders become a goddam hybrid computer for some goddam fucked up reason, but Starbuck doesn't even get to have the life that we fans always envisioned she would have when all was said and done. She never got to end up romantically with Lee, she never got to have the father she wanted in Admiral Adama or the mother she needed in Laura Roslin, and she didn't even stand a chance at a normal life with Zack (as the promiscuous and only decent flashbacks of the episode seemed to rather indicate). Instead, she was simply there one moment and then poof, gone the next. And why? Seriously, why? I want to know why...

Why did Starbuck die, and why was she reincarnated randomly in some nebula? Because God said so. Why did she suddenly come back, and why did she lead everyone to her busted body back on Cylon Earth? Because God said so. Why is she the harbinger of death, why did Leoban run away from her like a scolded little child? Because God said so. Why did she know the Watchtower song, and why the frak was a current song made from modern earth stuck in her head 150 000 years ago as a set of jump coordinates to our fucking planet which the angels could have simply just sent the fleet to at any fucking random point in time? Pfft, naturally, because God said so. And why the hell did Starbuck simply vanish into mid-air like some Jesus Christ type figure the moment that she felt her job was done? Well, duh, because God said so...

God has a plan? To what exactly, have Cavil blow his brains out and let Helo inherit the Earth? WTF?

Humanity has a plan? To what, honestly? To all die of starvation and get mauled by wildlife? WTF?

The Cylons have a plan? To what, seriously? To sleep with everyone they can find? I say again, WTF?

Thank God that's all I hear now. All Along the Watchtower, nothing but the rain.