5x01 - Buffy vs Dracula

Buffy the Vampire Slayer has only produced one decent season premiere in its entire running history, in my opinion at least... and despite my love for Freddy vs Jason, Buffy vs Dracula just wasn’t it...

It’s not like it’s a bad episode. I mean, the title alone indicates just how damn cheesy as hell it was. I always respect an episode that parodies itself... And it did provide one of the better Buffy fight scenes of the season, even if all the gypsy smoke and (lack thereof of) mirrors thing did get annoying at times... But it was nicely offsetted by a large lot of comic relief in almost every single scene. And believe it or not, it’s probably one of Willow’s better episodes of the season (although considering I really didn’t care for her character in season 5, that’s not saying very much...).

This was meant to be a Buffy episode, and in a lot of ways it was. Dracula himself was more ridiculous than even his Dracula 2000 counterpart, but the thrall in the eyes of Sarah Michelle Gellar actually helped make the episode into something actually bearable in the end... The bedroom scene, with Dracula so softly telling her to pull back her hair, was actually sultry and seductive in the end, if only thanks to the solemn look in Buffy’s eyes... And Sarah Michelle Gellar had some other great moments as well. From the "get out!" line when she heard that she was famous, to just the look of contained shock she had when she put down the stake on command, Buffy helped make this episode into at least something along the lines of decent in the end... Buffy vs Dracula also started the running theme of what it means to be a Slayer. And although that was promising at first, I can’t really blame this episode for just how damn dumb the Slayer mythology got in later seasons... And because I can’t really blame it for two years down the road, I gotta give Buffy vs Dracula some props for at least acting as a good introduction to all the later ideas of season 5. From a storyteller point of view, I always admire when the final episode of a season has more in common with the season premiere than anyone ever anticipated at the beginning...

Buffy being enthralled was great this episode (I seem to love every single time that Sarah Michelle Gellar plays a girl with no free will... go figure...). But Buffy vs Dracula also had a lot of great Xander and Willow moments, to make it one of the better season openers in Buffy history... Willow didn’t have many classic lines, but she just looked so damn adorable every time she tried to convince the others that Giles should stay in America. And Xander just had perhaps his most ridiculous B-storyline in the history of B-storylines, but it worked out perfectly with his character in the end. I still snicker every single time he calls Dracula "Master" or the "Dark Prince". And the bug eating thing? A nice touch of continuity from the first season of Buffy, I think...

As for the other characters, Tara didn’t get anything to do besides look jealous at Willow being enthralled as well. Riley got to start his jealousy angle as well, and at least he got to point out a big honkin’ castle in the middle of nowhere (he was on campus a year before, and he later finds a big honkin’ Dam in season six... the guy sure can find big things in such a tiny town...). Spike only got to have a little history lesson with his Dracula rivalry (which I wish was developed further, considering we all love his hate for Angel...). Giles got to look embarrassed whenever Willow tried conning him into staying. And Anya got locked in a closet by her "off-putting" boyfriend... so all good things, right?

... well, sort of...

It’s not that I don’t like this episode. I already stated that all the comedy nicely offputted the god-awful seriousness of Dracula and his "drink from me" crap. But I don’t know... The episode just felt too thematic for me. It felt like it tried too damn hard to set up the big bad of a fifth season for the show. And from a writer’s perspective, that would absolutely be a good thing...

... but I’m not a writer... and somehow, I ended up enjoying Dracula 2000 more than this episode, whether you believe it or not...

5x02 – Real Me

Real Me is the first real introduction of Dawn as a character. And I think everyone who watched the latter seasons of Buffy would abhor this episode for introducing the most useless character in the history of the show... and I personally never liked this episode in the first place, blaming it for the rest of the over-pretentious fifth season of the show...

But after watching Real Me after all these years, I got a closer look at the real Dawn in this episode... and to be honest, Real Me is a much better show than I ever thought it was after all these years... Quite honestly, it’s one of Michelle Trachtenberg’s best Buffy performances of all time, simply because she got to star in an episode for one of the only times in her career... And it occurs to me that if only she got more interesting episodes to herself in later seasons, then maybe I wouldn’t have hated all her earlier showings in retrospect? I mean, I only hated them out of principle, that Dawn didn’t die at the end of the season or whatever...

It’s obvious, just by watching the first five minutes of this episode, that the writers had a plan for the season (something partially missing from season four). And thus, this episode belonged to Dawn, who I really did think did an amazing job. I’m not really sure whether she got any classic lines or not that stood the test of time, but just her general reactions to everything were priceless... The mere looks of jealousy she gives to Anya when she’s trading in her children in the Game of Life, or just the semblance of half-fearful acceptance when talking to Harmony (is it me, or does Dawn really get to talk a lot with ditzy villains this season?), really brought out the colour in Dawn’s eyes, I think... I could already feel the chemistry between her and Tom Lenk this episode, even if he was an evil vampire who got slayed within a second... And I personally thought she had great chemistry with Buffy as well. You could really see a sisterly relationship between the two, even when Buffy was cutting at Dawn’s chains with an axe... My only problem with Real Me, is that at moments, it didn’t really show the real Dawn. I always originally blamed this episode for making the character seem completely, unnecessarily evil, and the ending music of Real Me does back up the claim... But overall, the episode didn’t really make out Dawn to be a villain. She wasn’t really unnecessarily evil... And that’s one of the things I’m now thankful for, after repeat viewings and everything...

Real Me wasn’t Buffy’s finest episode. She got to laugh at Harmony having minions, which is always a plus. But she pretty much took a backseat to her sister this episode, and I think Real Me was better off because of it... Riley was even more useless though, to the point of it being obvious that Marc Blucas was leaving the show. I’m not even sure why he bothered laughing at the whole Harmony minion thing. I mean, he never met Harmony. He wouldn’t even get the joke of never inviting her in when she was alive... Harmony herself was one of the pluses of the episode though. The unicorn thing was completely in character, and her reactions to her minions (Brad especially) were spot on as well... I still find a soft spot in my heart whenever she speaks with Spike. And while she wasn’t the ever classic villain in this episode, I was thankful that she was brought back to the mix, especially after the comedy she provided in the fourth season of Buffy (too bad she was mostly ignored like Dawn this season...).

As for the rest of the cast... Spike only got a scene with Harmony. It was a great scene with great banter ("I feel great"... "I remember..."), but it was only one scene... Tara got to feel excluded after thumb wrestling with Dawn. I just wish her completely, unnecessarily evil Wiccan look (from the fourth season and on) could’ve gone somewhere in the goddam season... Willow didn’t get to do much herself, but she looked rather cute when staring at Giles’ new car... And Giles? This was perhaps his absolute best episode of the season. I loved the hypocritical contrast in every single little thing he said, from claiming that his new car handled like a dream, to thinking about buying the Magic Box when the former owner was still dead on the floor... And Xander? Both he and Anya played perfectly with Dawn, quite literally I might add. The Game of Life was perhaps the definitive Anya moment of the entire season. And while Xander didn’t quite have as many classic moments, just the way Dawn would write about him was enough to make him seem special...

I used to hate Real Me, for setting up the entire fifth season (a season I loathe, might I add). But in retrospect, watching the season long arc in one long day, I gotta admit that Real Me really was a lot better than I thought it was... The Harmony moments were great. Giles was amusing as always. Anya had some of her best moments. And Dawn’s storyline already started to progress, with the first crazy man sighting of the season...

I’ll always be suspicious of this episode, for trying to make us suspicious about a character who we knew wasn’t going to be evil in the end... But truth be told, once I got past my petty biases, I see the real episode behind Real Me...

As part of an arc I hated, it’s no wonder why I didn’t enjoy this episode so much the first time... but as an standalone episode now? I gotta admit... it’s a lot better than I remember...

5x03 - The Replacement

I’ve always hated the term, "The Replacement". Thanks to football movies, it just sounds so... footballish now...

And if there’s anything else to complain about The Replacement? It’s that it had the absolute most awful blue screen I’ve ever seen before on Buffy. It completely looked fake when the two Xanders were side by side, and it’s really, really, ridiculously aggravating to see such low budget effects on a show like this...

... and yes, I know Nicholas Brendon has a twin...

Your point?... the blue screen crap was still just awful this episode...

...

Now, we all know by now that season five was a season long arc. And personally? I normally hate long arcs. I’m more of a fan of standalone episodes that truly stand out, thank you very much... And thankfully, while The Replacement isn’t the perfect replacement for the best episodes of season four, I gotta admit that it was a pretty damn funny episode in the end.

It served as the first full serving of Xander’s new apartment and the Magic Box, as the new places for the kids to hang out... While the shop would never fully replace the Library in our hearts, I personally thought it definitely had its own kind of quirks over the season. And already, with a brilliant scene of Giles fighting against Toth with a fertility goddess statue, some of the great camaraderie lost since season three was finally coming back... Giles didn’t do much else this episode, except yelp out "Oh dead Lord" like he normally does. And the rest of the characters?... Did Dawn do anything in The Replacement? I thought she would, considering her crush on Xander, but I guess I stand corrected... Tara just played semi-evil again, with the interest factor involved... I can’t even remember what Spike did this episode. I guess beating up the Buffy mannequin was fun, but only in perspective with his character arc to come... And Anya had some good moments, but only when pussy whipping Xander into getting the new apartment. I loved her when she was bitching about the old hot plate in the basement, but not so much when she was actually happy with the overconfident Xander...

The Replacement was the requisite Zeppo Xander episode of the season, and as a Zeppo replacement, it was obviously pretty damn good... Poor Xander got split in two, and while I normally cry foul at unnecessarily evil writer misdirection (like that coin... why the hell would Xander shine a coin in his boss’ face unless he was evil?...), I gotta admit that it worked pretty well in this episode... Normal Xander got a great scene with Willow. The Snoopy Dance became an instant Kraft cult classic... and I never get tired of him ranting about robots... Overconfident Xander never got a real moment of his own, but I gotta admit, it was strange seeing him actually standing strong with a gun to his chest... and to be honest? Probably the best part of the episode came near the end. The menage a trois idea from Anya was predictable, but memorable enough that it goes right up there with the Game of Life. And I loved when Giles realized that Xander was "a bad influence on himself". As a Trekkie, how the hell can I ever resist a good line about Spock?...

In the end, the episode didn’t have that much going for it, arc wise... Buffy only got to play flavour of the month. And Riley only got to pull off one horrible speech (although the payoff of "she doesn’t love me" was quite moving at the end, if only because of Xander’s reaction)... But the fact that besides for the Buffy and Riley romance, there really wasn’t any "progress" of the season in this episode? That’s probably why I enjoyed this episode so much... It ain’t going to earn any Oscars from me like the show never has... but I gotta admit. Searching through the rest of season five, it’s hard to find a proper replacement for The Replacement, in terms of standalone Buffy goodness at least...

... now, if only they would fix that goddam blue screen of theirs... blue screen of death, my ass...

5x04 - Out of My Mind

Out of My Mind marks the point in the Buffyverse where the show creators clearly started losing their minds... Season five contrasts a lot from season 4 this way. Season 4 changed so much during the duration of the year, that it almost seemed like the writers were actually responding to all the Riley criticisms and rewriting storylines as they pleased... Season five in the end was completely different though. No matter what the fans said of Dawn, no matter what they argued about the other characters, it really seemed like the Buffy writers stuck to their Big Gunns and carried out their character arcs, full and through...

... Out of My Mind was a perfect indication of that, and unfortunately, not an example that turned out very well I’m afraid... because it marked the true beginning of the tragic downfall of what I once considered to be a good character, Riley Finn... He used to be interesting, you know? But the fifth season really showed that Marc Blucas really wasn’t a good actor. And the fifth season sadly proved me to at least, just how bad of a character Riley Finn was in the first place... and I blame the fans for that...

In Out of My Mind, Riley starts out on his new character arc of never feeling quite equal to Buffy. Part of that was because she definitely seemed to be ignoring him, half because of her mother’s condition, and half because she truly didn’t seem to love him... But then there were other parts to Riley’s condition. He didn’t feel man enough, being the weaker of the couple. And he certainly didn’t feel dark enough, jealous of Angel and everyone’s favourite kick the Spike... And really, the latter parts of his issues with Buffy were just a pain in the ass to deal with. His character in this episode was just plain annoying at best, half because Marc Blucas just couldn’t act, and half because he wasn’t given anything to work with. This was his first big episode of the year, and he didn’t even have a memorable line, except for perhaps "loving you is the scariest thing I’ve ever done", as goddam sappy as that was... And maybe he also had a decent basketball montage, but that’s about it...

Why couldn’t his character arc simply have been about feeling shallow, considering Buffy never really loved him? Did we really need all that crappy foobar darkness that the writers futilely tried to explore?... I admit that Riley never really had much chemistry with Buffy, but there was absolutely zero connection in Out of My Mind between the two of them (which I guess was sort of the point)... Buffy herself turned out poorly because of this. Not only did she lack any memorable lines, but she seemed completely idiotic for ignoring everything that Riley said to her this episode. He was telling her straight to her face that she loved Spike (... or... that’s my interpretation of it...), and yet she still treated him like an average joe rather than an equal or the man she loves?... I guess that was the point, but the relationship between Riley and Buffy was just annoying to bear with this episode. But at least, Buffy got a good fight in with Spike near the end... (notice that she seemed to let Spike bite her?... ah... telling...)...

Spike was the only redeeming part of this episode, even if his opening speech of drinking her blood as a chalice was a bit over the top (even the fall into the grave couldn’t save the cheesiness...)... His chemistry with Harmony was undeniable, if only because her hair was nice enough this episode to remind me of Buffy’s. And Spike was nice and menacing again for once, scaring the doctor and having a fun time under the table.... He didn’t provide much comic relief, except for perhaps his inability to even pick flowers. But Harmony did pick up the slack there, being the best at the crossbow and all...

The rest of the cast really didn’t do much, except stare and bare around the background... This episode marked the start of the Dawn season long arc, with her mother realizing for a moment that her daughter wasn’t actually real. And alas, Out of My Mind also marked the beginning of the terrible end for Joyce Summers. Which I might add, may have helped make the fifth season memorable, but made every season afterwards just pitiful in comparison... I forget if Willow and Tara did anything this episode. And I already forget if this was the episode where the Magic Box opened, so I’m not sure what Giles, Anya, or Xander did... but I’m sure they were all there, bustling around and stuff. It’s just too bad they couldn’t save the episode, that’s all...

Out of My Mind definitely felt out of place in the series, or at least in the season long arc... Riley’s character was destroyed (although it was already gone after the fans threw it away in season four). And Buffy’s reactions just made me groan in ways I thought only Smallville could roll my eyes... The only thing that I actually enjoyed in this episode was the Spike surprise at the end. I mean, was it intentional that I could feel so much heat and passion and chemistry in a dream, than I ever did with the two actors who were actually meant to be a couple?...

... either way, Spike loving Buffy simply blew my mind, and started the best Spike storyline of all time, in my honest opinion at least... and that’s the only thing that saved this episode from complete mediocrity...

5x05 - No Place Like Home

Buffy vs Dracula had its Xander moments, and so did The Replacement as well... Real Me was a decent standalone episode, but... the fifth season of Buffy the Vampire Slayer still didn’t have its first great episode of the season... yet...

So it’s no wonder... I guess there really is No Place Like Home...

Buffy as a series has never really had good introductions to the Big Bads over the seasons. For instance, while Spike and Druscilla made a noise in their first episode, their characters were just too two-dimensional back then compared to now, making School Hard simply too hard to watch anymore... But No Place Like Home was definitely (or at least probably) the best introduction of a villain yet on the series. Glory may not have had all the quirks of the Mayor, but breaking down steel walls and breaking buildings over bent shoes, definitely gave her the kind of presence that no character in season four used to have... I loved the reference to Cordelia, because that’s pretty much how Glory acted. And while originally, I didn’t like this episode thanks to its Matrix copycat scene (the cement column punches made me roll my eyes), I’m now just so desensitized to Matrix crap that I actually really enjoy the fight between Buffy and Glory... Buffy got her ass kicked. And I just can’t help but love Clare Kramer’s little shushing moment when sneaking up from behind... Buffy got her ass kicked, and got herself outpunned. Now there’s something you don’t see everyday...

As a whole of an episode, No Place Like Home wasn’t the greatest of moments in the series, but it certainly had a lot of great moments in the Summers home, to remind me of the season three kind of days... Buffy finally got to look damn hot and attractive for once. She finally threw away that god-awful scarf of hers and donned a white, tight shirt that really made her look irresistible... And her acting in this episode seemed to improve from her hotness as well. Her scenes with Riley sucked, but every single moment she had with Dawn seemed special. Just combing her sister’s hair actually had meaning at the end, and her apology speech was actually meaningful in some way, if only from cutting herself off from the false memories... I could’ve done without the awful music during the trance moments though. But I gotta admit, the scene with Dawn slipping in and out of family photos was cool the first time I watched it, and still rather innovative to this very day... Dawn herself wasn’t bad this episode. I thought her final scene with Buffy and the "president" business was amusing, and maybe even touching. I just wish the damn writers would’ve laid off the "I’m completely, unnecessarily evil with the tea" thing. We were spared from that in Real Me, so why pour on the god-awful, rolling eyes crap now with the piss poor misdirection?...

Riley was useless this episode. He couldn’t act, even when his "kitteny" feelings were hurt... Thankfully, the rest of the Scoobies all had things to do, thanks to the opening of the Magic Box I believe... Giles wearing the Wizard Hat was one of the most definitive moments in the entire series. Xander got to kiss the cook, or Anya in this case... Willow got to gift-wrap, albeit horribly... Tara got to do things, although I really can’t remember what... And Anya actually proved useful! Her literal love of money finally came in handy, and being offered a job was definitely one of the better parts of the Anya character over the years. I mean, who knew she was such an ex-demon of a machine with a cash register?... And Spike, even with such few lines, managed to produce two of the greatest quotes in the history of the show: "Out. For. A. Walk... Bitch.", and "I never liked you anyways, and you have stupid hair"...

... ah... the obsession... good times...

But even with Spike stealing the show with just one scene (how the heck could Buffy not see his crush when there were a dozen crushed smokes out her window?), No Place Like Home belonged to the Summers in the household... It actually disturbed me a bit when Buffy started hurting Dawn in her mojoed up room. Not because family shouldn’t hurt each other, but because Buffy was sort of being completely stupid by completely overreacting... She didn’t know anything about Dawn. She didn’t know anything that was happening. Which is why it was actually sad, the see the look in Sarah Michelle Gellar’s eyes when she realized the truth about her sister, even before the Monk finally told her the full truth...

No Place Like Home wasn’t a perfect episode. But it definitely felt like home... It had all the strong character interactions and epic battle drama that the best of Buffy episodes produced in years before. And after knowing what happens to Dawn and Joyce soon after, it is kind of heart-breaking, to see happier times with them this episode...

This was the start of the seasonal angst... so yup, I guess there really is no place like home...

5x06 - Family

I’m not going to bother spending much time with Family, because it didn’t feel like family at all... The episode just flat out sucked. I hated it years ago, and I still hate it now. And it’s all because of Tara and the fans...

Just like with Riley Finn, although I’m never going to be able to prove this, I’m sure the fans forced Joss Whedon and co to change their original ideas about Tara... I knew she was meant to be evil in season 4. And I knew she was meant to push Willow over the dark edge sometime later... But thanks to all the fans somehow latching onto their metaphorical lesbianism, I’m sure that Mutant Enemy had to change their tune. And Family was definite proof of that to me... Tara was meant to be evil. I know all about the intentional misdirections in season five, but her character just didn’t seem on the path to holiness in season 4... Then in Family, instead of turning her into the cliche evil lesbian girl, they showed her off as just a normal human! I mean, WTF? At least make her a half demon like Doyle, so that an entire year of me wishing Tara was dead wouldn’t be a complete waste of my existence... And please never make me go through a god-awful sappy scene with friends pretending to be "Family" again. Although Amber Benson did a great job acting and crying and all, I was just crying foul at the whole damn scene for sitcom cliche cheesiness...

The fans always said that Tara and Willow had so much chemistry in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but I think they were just seeing what they wanted to see, having one of the first lesbian relationships on television and all... Because honestly, what chemistry? Their little "flying" act at the end of this episode had me gagging more than even Smallville ever has. And while the two of them did look attractive in their bedroom undies together, their dialogue (even with Kitty Fantastico) was always worse than even the crap we got with Angel and Buffy back in season 2... This episode was meant to test their resolve, and prove to the fans that their relationship was not a farce of a trend. It wasn’t an experiment, like so many fans feared in season four... But just like a Saturday morning special, this episode just hit us over the head with an ugly stick so damn bluntly, with the goddam message, "We love lesbians! Lesbians are for real!", that I can’t help but shake my head at the whole Mutant Enemy team out there...

At least Spike was in the episode... and even though not everyone agrees that he has such chemistry with Sarah Michelle Gellar, I can’t help but still snicker at his wonderful dream sequence of kicking her ass. It makes the Harmony moments a lot more filling, you know?... Family at least was the start of his heroics, actually saving Buffy for once out of the goodness of his cold hard heart rather than cold hard cash. And he even helped Tara out at the end, without even directly thinking of Buffy (although how a computer chip could somehow tell between a human and a half demon, I will never know...). This was the first Spike pussy-whipped episode of them all, and I appreciate that, considering it provided some comic relief in the season. But even that couldn’t save the episode... not with the rest of the cast ruining everything as well...

Tara’s family was just annoying. Sure, Cousin Beth was cute, but everyone else just did gloom and doom stuff, without being anything but stereotypical hicks of villains (at least Fred’s parents in Angel were interesting by being normal...)... Xander’s only good moment was not knowing what to get Tara, even when he was in a magic shop. Which at least gave Giles the great line at least of, "I do believe you’re profoundly stupid". Always a keeper there... And Anya had that one moment, where she was just so happy that she was a working class kind of gal... But Dawn didn’t really have any great lines. Riley went AWOL and I really wish he didn’t come back... and Willow was sappy as hell with Tara, to the point where I almost preferred Lana Lang in the goddam first season of Smallville...

... hmm... spent much longer on this mini-review that I thought... guess that’s what Family is for...

For an entire year, I was waiting for Tara to become evil, so it was expected that I’d find Family to be absolutely one of the most atrocious episodes in the history of the series... but oh well, AOL since she wasn’t going to turn evil, I knew from that moment on that she was going to die... Don’t ask me how I knew, I just knew... and at least, although delayed, I wasn’t disappointed in that...

5x07 - Fool For Love

I guess it’s no secret that I wasn’t a huge fan of the fifth season of Buffy or anything. I mean, the day I rented Buffy season 1 from my local Rogers video store, a cute girl at the counter saw what I was renting and asked if I loved season five just as much as she did... Now, if I had any common sense as a guy, I would’ve sucked up to this girl, in the simple hopes of her ever sucking me back... But of course, I played the coy and honest IvanF instead, spiting and spitting out that the fifth season wasn’t great at all, telling her I couldn’t stand all the melodramatic, metaphysical, and metawhimsical crap it brought to the table...

But I will admit that the fifth season of Buffy sure had a lot of epic-level episodes. The Body and The Gift, despite my unbridled bias hatred for both, both stand as some of the best work that Joss Whedon has ever done... But if there was ever one single episode of Buffy season five that truly stood above the rest? If there was one single episode that truly captured everything that Buffy as a series had done right in its past?... If there was any single episode of season five that I actually loved enough to cherish above all rest?...

... well, of course it would be all about Spike then...

... afterall, I am a Fool For Love...

... the thing is, there’s just so much to say about this episode that I simply can’t cover it all in a single mini-review... Every little nook and cranny of it just screams "art" to me, while providing the kind of stellar entertainment that the best of Buffy used to bring back in seasons three and four... I mean hell, even the little characters were interesting in Fool For Love. Riley had perhaps his only good episode this season, and was never quite the same after blowing up that cemetery crypt on his own... And the rest of the Scoobies didn’t have much to do either, but I’d be damned if I didn’t say that their chip eating cemetery ways didn’t stick with me all the way to the end of the season... And just the little things in life, like that awesome foggy lights shot of the entire gang just ganging up on the vampire nest, made this episode truly stand out above the rest... There’s a reason why I fell in love with Fool for Love. Because there’s simply not a boring or annoying part of the entire episode to name or mame...

The episode was all about Buffy and Spike, and it’s amazing what kind of chemistry these two together... Before Fool for Love, there was always restrained electricity between the two of them. As Spike said, "all we’ve ever done is dance". And it was completely obvious right from School Hard that Spike had a hard on for Buffy, even if it was second to his love for Druscilla. And while Buffy never quite shared the same affinity for him until maybe Spike opened her eyes in season 3, I definitely got to see some love brewing between the both of them in season four. Hell, why else would I love season four?... And why else would I love Fool for Love. Spike opened up to Buffy in ways that he never did with anyone else. And once again, Buffy showed her true weaknesses to Spike (with the injury and all), because it’s always in him that she seems to confide in the most... The moment of trust between the two at the end, when Buffy actually allows him to try to comfort her in her backyard, wasn’t just the first moment of closeness between the two. It was actually one of the most touching and most memorable moments of Buffy in its entire history as a show, in my honest opinion at least... Half of that was because of James Marsters’ incredible acting, moving from sheer hatred to unrequited concern in just a matter of looks... and half of that was perhaps because there’s not a single moment of Fool For Love that I didn’t absolutely enjoy...

Buffy was at her best this episode, despite all the walls she built up against Spike... For the first time in the series, she wasn’t attractive to me as a college kind of adorable kind of girl. Instead, just the way she wore that injury of hers, and just the way she kept eyes on Spike at the pool table all night long, she honestly looked attractive to me as a mature woman for the first time ever on the show (plus, the really nice clothes and skin helped...)... Actress wise, Sarah Michelle Gellar couldn’t have done a better job. Calling Spike "beneath me" was just harsh and cruel, but she did it so well that it never once felt cheesy or forced. And just her general disdain for Spike, watching him light cigarettes and becoming ever more disgusted as he tells the story, was more of an entertaining Buffy than the show ever produced in the rest of the fifth season... And even just the look of momentary weakness on her face, when she had to face up to Riley that she got staked by a regular joe vampire, was more than just telling, and more than just great acting... If there’s any true compliment that I can give the fifth season, it’s that Sarah Michelle Gellar finally got to show off her vulnerable side in acting that she never really got to do before. And I really think she did more than just an amazing job with it... she really did look like she both loved and loathed Spike at the very same time... whether she meant to or not...

And Spike himself?... well, the episode didn’t solely belong to him... Obviously the episode would be loved by Buffyverse fans all abroad, simply for the returns of Angel, Darla, and Druscilla... David Boreanaz didn’t get to accomplish much, especially considering he speaks one of the worst Irish accents I have ever heard in my entire life (only Colin Farrell’s is more fake...). But the Boxer Rebellion cinematography was just so amazing that you really can see that something was wrong with Angelus there, even if we didn’t find out why until the later episode of Angel... Julie Benz did amazing as Darla in the second season of Angel. She was kind of wasted in the few scenes she was in Fool For Love though, but just that one dangling look she gave the faking Angelus in China was more than enough to sell me on the Angel episode afterwards... And Druscilla? I really believe Fool For Love was perhaps her absolute best episode ever. Her turning of Spike wasn’t just perfectly erotic, but it was extremely emotional and romantically powerful as well, especially when she just snatches out of air William’s word of "effulgent". And James Marsters even had amazing chemistry with Druscilla, getting off on the aphrodisiac blood of a dead slayer... And the Chaos Demon? Oh God, the Chaos Demon! There has never been a funnier sight in the entire history of Buffy, than to see Druscilla hanging out with a beer drinking swell kind of guy, all slime and antlers... And I loved Dru’s character this episode, not only because the writers so magically mixed the earlier nostalgic seasons of Buffy with the fifth (although I know back then, they never imagined Dru left Spike because he was subconsciously in love with Buffy... we all remember the actress problems with Juliet, I believe...)... but how can I not love an episode, where Druscilla actually looked hot and attractive for the first time in history? Me being Chinese and all, I couldn’t get enough of those clothes she was wearing during the Boxer Rebellion. I guess Buffy would get pissed at me, for getting off on William the Bloody getting off on her as well, but that’s besides the point...

Which leads me back to Spike, like an eternal circle, because this truly was the definitive episode for James Marsters. There still hasn’t been anything quite like it, actually... Now, anyone who reads the crap I write would know that I’m a sucker for episodes that forge themselves an inner circle. And this episode was a perfect example of it all, with Spike starting out as a sired poet just as whipped as I’ll ever be, to ending off as a sired vampire just as pathetically in love as he ever was at the start... How can anyone forget the classic line, "What can I say? I’ve always been bad"... only to show William in the 1880s, talking about his mom, and crying about a poem gone bad... And honestly, his poetry? His poetry? My God, "ebulgent" and "effulgent"? Spike was absolutely the worst poet ever, and it was just a treat for us fans to figure out where his true name of "Spike" actually originated from... And James Marsters just did an incredible job in all of his flashbacks scenes. His fight with the Chinese slayer was one of the best battles in the history of the show. And getting off on her blood was one of the most telling moments of his character as well... And while I didn’t think his fight with Nikki the New York slayer was as amazing, it was still simply mind boggling to see our Spike grow from a piddly little poet to the Big Bad in just one episode... Taking the coat from the slayer was one of the show’s finest moments. And all the amazing cuts (such as Buffy being flipped, tossed into a shot of Nikki diving as well) truly made the entire final scenes of the episode "a dance" to remember... Just the way Sarah Michelle Gellar would hawk at Spike throughout the whole conversation, the same way he seemed to hunt her with his eyes in School Hard, made this episode into truly one of the best that the Buffy writers have ever conceived... Just the way that James Marsters cried near the end, in a way that actually felt natural and heartfelt for the character (unlike in The Gift...), it was all so touching in a way that it actually made Spike seem more human than Angel and his melodrama ever were before...

Now, I know the writers of the show almost wish that Fool For Love was never as good as it was... It was only because of this episode (and Intervention) that a creature as evil as Spike could become one of the most loved and heroic characters on the show... and I’m sure Joss would rather have me paint The Body in a brighter fashion than babble on and on about Fool for Love...

But goddammit, Fool For Love was simply that damn good... I loved it the first time I watched it. Hell, it was the only Buffy season five episode that I loved the first time I watched it. And I still loved it the second time I watched it... and the third... and the fourth... and the fifth... And I think the entire cast and crew really knew just how special this episode would become. Why else would Harmony have one of her best lines ever (of Buffy bitchslapping Spike down main street) and then disappear for half of the season? Why else would Giles show more solemn concern for Buffy this episode than he ever did in the rest of seasons four and five combined? Why else would this be Riley’s only good performance of the season? Why else would Allison Mack be macking in the background? Why else would Spike cry?...

Fool For Love was an episode like no other. It was the start of the end of Buffy and Riley... it was the end of the beginning for Spike and Buffy... He saw into her soul like no-one else ever did, not even Angel. He knew what she feared. He knew what she wanted. He knew she would die... And she saw into his soul like no other, even if he was beneath her... she’s always been the one on top... for they were both fools for love. And maybe that’s why I’m such a fool for this episode?...

Damn, this mini-review is long... but Fool For Love truly deserves it...

... because it is everything that I want to be... tears, fears, duster, double barrel shotgun and all...

5x08 - Shadow

Okay... So Shadow was just a lame shadow of an episode compared to Fool For Love. But almost every single episode ever made pales in comparison to Spike’s best episode of the series, so no real shame there... and with that said, Shadow wasn’t that bad of an episode. It just wasn’t good, that’s all...

Probably the only moment I did truly enjoy was the great use of dramatic irony, with Glory visiting the Magic Box and nobody noticing. And just the old skool look of the entire gang, studying as a group for the first real time since season three, has got to worth something as well... But the rest of the cast just couldn’t make the episode into anything entertaining... Giles at least got the "over-charged her" bit when it came to his stupidity. And at least Anya got to call him stupid, against the rules of employer-employee relationships... But really, what else did they do? Giles got to drive his new Beemer with style. Willow got to talk about ancient spells. Tara was there. Xander got to get out of studying. And Anya somehow acted smarter than she ever was in all of season four. And Spike got to start his stalker obsessive storyline, making me wish I was smelling Buffy’s shirts in his place (she being shirty and all)... but that’s about it... And having Riley start on his vampire-biting darkness path wasn’t just stupid, but completely Wrecked as well (if you get the pun, that is...)... but I’ll talk about that more in later mini-reviews...

This was one of Dawn’s lesser episodes. Her screaming was beyond annoying, and her talk with Riley at the carnival just didn’t have the oomph that her later episodes did, or the humour that her earlier boyfriend "kitteny" talks used to have... She hugged Sarah Michelle Gellar alright. I actually see chemistry between the two, which is, um... yeah... nevermind...

Buffy herself didn’t do much. Her fight with Glory was just lacking something this episode (although I did love Clare Kramer’s non-shellac comments during the fight), probably because there weren’t any Matrix rip-offs or anything. And the giant snake was completely unconvincing. It was one of the worst CG graphics known to man or woman, bar none... The only Buffy moment I did enjoy was the look on her face when she realized that the Snake demon saw Dawn for what she was. Sarah Michelle Gellar seems to play sisterly love pretty well... too bad she couldn’t really play daughterly love really well until The Body at least (unless that was on purpose)... I didn’t feel touched by any of the scenes about her mother’s brain tumour, although it kind of hurts me to realize I care so little for a brain tumour plotline... as the Buffy turns, at least...

Sometimes I feel like just a shadow of a human for being bored with such a painful, family plotline. But this is a television show, afterall... I couldn’t stand Dawn this episode. I couldn’t stand Riley either. And I couldn’t take the melodramatic crap we had to put up with Buffy in Shadow... but it paid off in the end, in later episodes I think...

... a sacrifice of a Shadow, then... for the greater good at least...

5x09 - Listening To Fear

Listening to Fear has a lot more to fear than just fear itself... It suffers from the same problem that plagued the first season of Angel... because for an episode that was so completely stupid in nature, it simply took itself too damn seriously...

I mean, for Christ’s sakes, the episode was about an "evil snot monster from outer space". And besides that one scene in the campus library, where Xander actually was useful for the research bits for once, was there any real comic relief at all?... The episode basically consisted of Riley moping around, getting his arm sucked out in absolutely the stupidest plotline ever. And the rest of the episode was Buffy, just crying away while doing the dishes in her house. And while I know that it’s almost wrong for me to do this, I just can’t stop laughing at the whole, sheer ridiculousness of the dish washing scene, with the music turned up and everything crappy like that...

Spike was the only character I liked this episode. Sneaking pictures of Buffy in his pocket was precious, and his rivalry with Riley was perhaps Finn’s only redeeming arc of the season... The Scoobies didn’t get to do much besides research. Xander was surprisingly useful with the Queller demon stuff, and Giles got to mock the situation, but that was pretty much the extent of the episode... I’ll give a bit of credit where credit is due though. Listening to Fear had perhaps the only decent Tara moment of the entire season. Being a wannabe astronomer myself (who was completely incapable of finding constellations when I was young), I actually was surprised that Tara somehow knew of my original "stack of crackers" constellation in the sky... Anya maybe had a couple of decent moments as well, making fun of sterilization and all. And Willow got to try to comfort the Summers with a beer hat... but these moments were simply too far and between to keep me interested...

I mean honestly, I know I was supposed to take this episode seriously, considering Joyce was acting all crazy from the brain tumour, and Riley meanwhile was sulking it up with the vampire... But give me a break already! There was a Potato Bug demon roaming around a hospital. Meanwhile, Graham and the Initiative boys made a return in the worst episode possible, acting all serious when there’s a freaking Potato Bug on the loose... The only real redemption of this episode came from the Joyce and Dawn relationship actually. Afterall, I kind of felt sorry for both of them when Joyce figured out that Dawn wasn’t really her daughter... That alone made the episode bearable a bit, at least thanks to the look in Sarah Michelle Gellar’s eyes in the hospital room near the end...

Listening to Fear has everything to fear, because it was definitely the poster child episode of an episode gone wrong... Even with the revelation about Ben (who I knew at this point would be Glory’s sister... I just didn’t know how much of a sister back then, that’s all), this episode ranks still right up there with Reptile Boy as one of the worst episodes ever made, period. And hell, even Beer Bad was at least not bad thanks to the stupid circle of humour going back on itself... I just wish there was something out there in the episode, to really redeem Listening to Fear. But of course there wasn’t, considering season five was the season of "mature", over-pretentious, melodramatic crap and all...

5x10 - Into the Woods

Finally, I get to talk about the absolute worst plotline in the history of the Buffyverse (next to the magical mushroom addiction in season six... and the "beneath you it devours" thing that went nowhere in season seven, but I digress...)...

Oh, Riley Finn... Is there anything decent to say about your final getaway episode?... I guess it’s kind of harsh for me to admit that the only scene I liked him in was when he was bonding with Spike in the crypt. I mean, throwing around wine bottles, staking Spike in the heart with plastic, and just listening to William the Bloody prattle on and on about who had the better deal of the two?... somehow, that was the only Riley scene that felt natural to me... that was the only scene I even cared about in this episode... And maybe that was the point? I didn’t feel anything in the scenes with Buffy and Riley, or the scenes where Buffy was thinking about Riley... why? Because Into the Woods was there to truly prove that Buffy didn’t really care for him?... maybe it was all on purpose?...

... nah... the episode just sucks... because the character arc behind it just sucks... and I just can’t help but blame the fans...

Speaking as a guy, Riley Finn was a pretty interesting character in season four. Marc Blucas couldn’t really act, but I loved how he did seem like a dumb idiot of a college boy. And at least as a guy, he could pull off the military stuff, which is always a plus in any male geek’s training book... And although he was always overshadowed by Spike, I really thought Buffy and Riley had a real dynamic going there for a few episodes back then. I really thought he was a nice addition to the Scoobies, until Adam showed up at least... and almost as if the fans had gotten their way, the writers suddenly became completely schizophrenic in how to make Riley seem schizophrenic. I blame the fans for somehow screwing up Riley’s character, even making him seem completely secondary to Angel in their fight... The fans all hated Riley, just like they hated Kate in Angel season one. They simply could not tolerate a new love interest that they didn’t already like. And it was painfully obvious to me, watching the end of season four and then comparing it to season five, that the writers no longer knew what to do with the Riley Finn character, thanks to the fans...

So they decided to write him off, in absolutely the stupidest way they could find... Now, I understand the whole "I love Buffy more than she loves me" thing. Guys go through that all the time, and I think early episodes showed that off pretty well. Buffy ignored Riley for her family, and Riley felt bad about it. As selfish as that may seem, that was natural and almost expected... But then the goddam metaphors seeped into the mix. Riley wasn’t dark enough for Buffy. Riley wasn’t strong enough for Buffy. And Riley couldn’t stand being a sidekick, because a man always wishes the girl loves "the whole package"... I get it! We get it! But did the writers really have to beat us over the head with an ugly stick of a troll hammer with the metaphors? Did they really have to make it so stupidly obvious?...

That’s what Into the Woods is. Riley decided to dive into adultery/drug/alcohol/violence goddam metaphors by having female vampires suck on him as if he had tits... That was stupid enough. And then we got his whole ultimatum deal... Now, I agree that it shows how little Buffy cared for Riley if she didn’t even think about keeping him there. But the goddam ultimatum was only 20 minutes long, or 5 minutes long if you count all the running in the end. I mean, WTF was Riley expecting? After a fight like that, Buffy would be just be fine after five minutes? And what the hell was up with the helicopter? Why didn’t Buffy just throw a rock at it or some crap like that? Why was Riley so damn dumb that he wouldn’t even look down once?... bleh...

... this episode was just so damn stupid, that it simply wasn’t funny... well, except for the few funny parts at least...

There were a few good scenes in the episode at the Magic Box, the only place that truly felt like home this season... Anya got to talk about chicken feet (if she sells them for dirt cheap, I’d buy them – they taste good to us Chinese, you know...), and you gotta love her literal talking ways. And Willow got to finally show some animosity towards her for the first time in a year, but I’ll get into that in Triangle... I forget what Giles got to do, if anything. Tara was there, as always... Spike got a couple of great scenes in. I mean, did he go early or something when he saw Buffy there lying naked? And of course, male bonding with Riley probably had some ‘shippers on the net searching Google... And Xander? Well, he got to pull off the big "I’m the heart of the group" speech to Buffy. He made some good points. Obvious points, but good ones... And his "I lied" line about shutting up? I’ll definitely have to remember that in my next preach of an argument... But then he got into the sappy crap again, telling Anya how much he loved her, to the point where this episode just couldn’t get lower...

And hell, the whole episode was just so sappy that it simply made me gag at times... It had brief moments of relief thanks to Joyce’s seemingly perfect surgery recovery (although we all know what happens to her next). And like I said, some of the dialogue in the episode was decent, even if the pacing wasn’t even close to proper...

But how the hell am I supposed to ever like this episode, when it absolutely capped the brutal end to one of the worst character arcs in the history of the show? Riley got his arm bitten off by frickin’ vampire prostitutes, for Christ’s sakes. And what? Did the writers actually think they were being witty and fun and smart by coming up with this goddam metaphor or theirs? They ruined a completely good character with the fifth season of Buffy...

... hmm... no wonder all the fans seemed to love the fifth season...

5x11 - Triangle

Triangle wasn’t the best of comical episodes, but it was exactly what the fans needed after a disaster like Into the Woods... Sure, some parts of the episode were completely sappy. Buffy’s character for example... Sure, she got a few lines in. I loved the Seaworld exchange about the spitting professor, and her tears of exaggeration with Tara about Xander’s and Anya’s fight were rather amusing... but overall? Her talk with Dawn, and even her fight with Olaf the Troll seemed sappy. The sap was definitely overdone with her character...

But thankfully, the rest of the cast seemed immune to the Spanish SAP factor. And because of that, Triangle provided a little triple entente of a comic relief sort of menage a trois for the show... with the triangle most likely referring to the Anya, Willow, and Xander bits of it all...

Poor Xander had some great moments, although definitely not as many as the ladies. His fight with Olaf was just plain ridiculous. I mean, you just gotta love a guy that jumps straight into a giant enchanted hammer... He had some brilliant lines as well, from telling Spike to shut up about the hospital babies, to his recognition of "crazy troll logic"... Spike himself had his first great episode since Fool For Love. While his male bonding issues were decent in Into The Woods, there’s nothing better than a poor, sappy Spike in love with flower onions at the Bronze. I personally give him props for not sucking on female disaster victims, and who wouldn’t love the chocolate fight with the Buffyesque mannequin in his crypt? Absolutely no-one can carry a soliloquy on the show like Spike can... well, except for maybe Giles, but he was mostly gone this episode. Although just the look on his face after seeing how badly the store was trashed was simply priceless in the end...

The episode belonged to three characters: Willow, Anya, and Tara... Tara herself didn’t get to do that much. But her reactions to Buffy’s overreactions were pretty spot on... Now, Willow and Anya had their definite share of moments. Willow got to spout some of her most classic lines of the season. Who didn’t snicker when she saw Olaf the Troll and whimpered, "he’s not a ball of sunshine"?... Anya finally got to drive, and I never knew just slamming on the brakes could be so funny. And just the stunned look on her face was a hallmark moment of the season, when everyone in the entire Bronze (who no longer seemed to notice the Troll with the ale anymore, mind you) turned their eyes on her after hearing about her former dating scene... Olaf himself was perhaps one of the best villains of the season. He was just as literal in speech as Anya ever was, and even I couldn’t help but feel bad for the poor bugger when Anya was ripping him a new one in the final battle... poor guy probably got sent off to the land of the shrimp or some crap like that...

My only real problem with this episode, was that Anya and Willow seemed to have more of a problem with each other than they should’ve in the season... I mean, sure I loved the banter between them. Counting the price of the eyeballs Willow was using, and blaming her for stealing stuff behind Giles’ back were exactly what the fans needed after that god-awful Into the Woods... But aside from a few times last season, since when did Willow have a problem with Anya? And since when did Anya have a problem with Willow?... Sure, it make sense that Willow would be afraid of an ex-vengeance demon, dating the man who I thought she’d get together with (after Tara was to die, I mean... that’s what I always figured...). And sure, Anya would be scared of the best friend who broke up Cordy and Xander a while back (finally, that was mentioned again...)... But honestly, since when did they have problems with each other? It’s almost like it just showed up in Into the Woods and Triangle out of magic... Of course, it all made for some witty dialogue and some great writing. But it just didn’t make much sense, you know?...

Triangle feels to me sort of like a messed up threesome in the end... You just can’t help but feel excited about it all, but something just doesn’t feel right about it either... It was a great standalone episode. But it definitely didn’t fit well into the arcs of the season. And somehow, it didn’t fit right with the characters of the season either... but it was definitely funny. And that’s all that really counts...

5x12 - Checkpoint

Checkpoint is kind of an ironic name... Not only does it mark the halfway point of the fifth season, but it almost marks the start of a string of three straight excellent episodes (or eight, if you enjoyed I Was Made To Love You and Forever)...

I didn’t really like Checkpoint the first time I watched the episode. I thought it was a little too slow moving, with the annoying Watcher’s Council back, and without enough Spike in the mix... But on subsequent viewings, this episode really has held up well, nice and bosom firm. It’s become one of my favourites of the fifth season, simply because it blends comedy with dramatic pathos in a way that only few Buffy episodes have...

All the characters had classic lines in Checkpoint, as if there was some huge checklist to fill. And I think they filled it perfectly well... Spike really got to rail on Buffy, with the kind of insight into humanity that he only seems to possess. He then got a star studded fan with the female Watcher, and I honestly somehow remembered her "thesis" about him long after the season was done. And even when Spike seemed out of the picture in this episode, Buffy brings her family over to Spike, trusting her in a way she never really trusted Riley. She even says, "I need you", which was exactly what was missing from the Riley relationship... And hell, just when you thought you forgot about Giles spending the summer with Spike, Joyce somehow bonds with Spike over Passions... God knows Passions is the worst show ever to bond over, but I personally think it’s telling. Joyce Summers accepted Spike without a chip in Becoming and Lover’s Walk, and she absolutely adored him with the chip in... She never did that with Angel, but I’ll get into that in my Crush review...

The rest of the cast was used for comedy, and I think they all did admirable jobs... Tara had some of her best moments of the season, just shouting out "five" without having any clue what the heck it meant for witchcraft... I still giggle at the Willow and Tara exchange, about them being lesbian lovers. I mean, sure I find their relationship goddam preachy most of the time, but when it’s used for laughs? It’s all good... Anya was an absolute hoot in Checkpoint. Her little "patriot" act (pardon the pun) never gets old. And painting Willow as an "ex-demon" at the end was really one of Anya’s best laughs ever... Xander didn’t have much to do, but he was finally vindicated by Buffy, having clocked "field time" and all... And Giles? While I personally thought he acted too rashly when it came to Quentin near the start, he really did seem proud of Buffy after her huge speech at the end, in ways that we fans could only wish he was proud in season seven... Plus, Giles taught me the meaning of "retroactive" this episode. Literally, I mean... or at least, I think that’s what the word means...

The episode was all about Buffy though, and how every other member of the cast interacts with her. And I personally thought Sarah Michelle Gellar literally brought to life every single scene that she was in... Probably one of the strongest Glory moments in the history of the show was when she showed up at Buffy’s doorstep. Just the dramatic irony of The Beast being so close to the Key and yet not knowing who she was, is one of the rare moments in television history that stays dramatic, no matter how many times you view it... Now, I could’ve done without the Knights of Byzantium, considering how annoying they become in later episodes. Not only do their talk completely, unnecessarily melodramatically (as the season seems to be all about), but they just can’t seem to fight properly either, being human and all... But Buffy more than made up for the Knights scene with perhaps one of the best speeches ever in the history of the Buffyverse. Now, I don’t know why the writers couldn’t even prose up one decent speech for Sarah Michelle Gellar in season seven. But I do know that if she could actually say what she said in Checkpoint and not sound cheesy, then she truly is one of the most talented actresses I’ve ever seen... outside of the god-awful Scoobie Doo movies, at least...

Every single member of the cast all contributed to the episode, no matter who they were... Ben got to show his toughness, and even seemed a bit evil at times (although I really wish he had stayed completely innocent, just so Giles’ actions later on would be so much more echoing...)... Glory herself had one of her better days. Not only was she adorable when rubbing lotion all over her sides, not only was she cute when she was pressing all over her "lumpy minion", but she really was threatening when holding up in the Summers household. She actually was terrifying, while being interesting at the same time (talking to Dawn about sisters stealing stuff and all), in ways that only The Mayor had been able to conjure up before... And Dawn herself? She didn’t have that many scenes, but I personally thought she was great in each and every single one of them. She played the dramatic irony perfectly with the Glory scene, and her reaction to Passions, I’m sure we can all relate to...

I may not have loved Checkpoint the first time I watched it, but I definitely came back for more for a reason... I never forgot the look on Buffy’s face when she learned that Glory was a god. And I still get tingles down my spine, simply from that one look in her eyes at the end of the episode... And it’s these little moments alone, from the little skits of comedy, to the big and preachy speeches, that this episode truly stands together as a whole. It’s because everything and everyone in this episode works so well together, as a true team effort, that Checkpoint really is quite the checkpoint in the series of the show...

5x13 - Blood Ties

And I thought they were getting soft on the show...

I mean, Buffy’s birthdays used to be bad. Season two had her first love turning soulless. And season three had her helpless as a school girl while her mom was getting vamped... But season four’s birthday was quite a dud. Giles becoming a demon may have been bad, but it was nothing compared to what normally happens on the show...

Thank God (not Glory) for this episode in the season then. Buffy finally gets a great birthday bash again, with her sister suiciding herself after finding out her origins... Now, a lot of fans on the internet didn’t really love this episode, or didn’t even like it at all. They all seemed to complain that Dawn was being completely annoying, without any ability at acting... and although the "get out, GET OUT" kind of scream was quite grating on the ears, I still have to admit that Blood Ties was perhaps Michelle Trachenberg’s best episode in her Buffyverse career. Or at least, it’s definitely up there with the few episodes she really did get a chance to shine...

I personally thought she had great chemistry with everyone. From Xander rubbing her belly, to mocking Spike about the chocolates, Dawn really was a key player in Blood Ties, no pun intended of course... I can’t help but love this episode, simply because it started the relationship between Dawn and Spike (which was the only good thing going for Dawn’s character, until the season finale of season six at least...). The two really seemed to care about each other, in ways Dawn and Riley never seemed to work. And it all started in this episode, when Spike catches Dawn going out for a walk, and then gets his heart torn out when even he has to admit that Dawn’s more "bad" than he is... I loved that he used the Urn of Ishtar as an ashtray. I personally loved his reaction to Dawn being the key (although that nebilim line felt out of place...). And he really had great chemistry with Buffy later on as well, telling her the truth about the human condition yet again, and yet helping her out of the goodness of his evil heart with the search later on. Plus, getting knocked out from a skanky hell bitch always helps...

Every character on the show had some moments, even if they were fleeting compared to Checkpoint... Xander got to brag about Dawn having a crush on him, and Giles’ reaction to that was simply priceless... Giles himself didn’t get much to do, but his concern was always there for the family... Tara and Willow were weirded out by the truth about Dawn. They weren’t much use after they found out about it, but their talk about Glory early on in the episode was rather interesting... And Anya was simply hilarious after hearing the truth. The fans never can get enough about Xander's and her sexcapades, and getting costumes and outfits in the mix was about just as much information as we needed to know...

But once again, this episode all revolved around Buffy and Dawn. And what really made this episode powerful, was just how strong these two characters were whenever they were together... Just hugging together at the end of the episode felt like family between the two. Or the look on Buffy’s face when she saw Dawn cutting herself was exactly the kind of reaction I’d expect between sisters... Now, the fans can all get on Dawn’s ass for being all whiny, essentially about being adopted. Hell, people have even complained about her "you’re not my mother" line like there was no tomorrow... But honestly, on repeat viewings, I’ve become really impressed with Michelle’s work in this episode. Just the fear and subtle realization in her face when reading aloud Giles’ diary, was one of the most emotional moments of the season for me... granted, the diary burning scene in the bedroom was eye rolling at best, but still... you gotta give credit where credit is due...

And while it couldn’t match the drama that Glory’s visit did in Checkpoint, Dawn’s conversation with the hellbitch definitely had me second guessing the outcome the first time I watched it... The realization that Ben is Glory and Glory is Ben wasn’t quite a shock to me, although I thought it was an innovative idea for the time (... though I thought the episode didn’t make it clear enough that Dawn forgot about Ben being Glory... I thought back then that she was protecting him, that’s all...). It bugged me to hell that Ben didn’t just run away when Glory was coming, or just tell Buffy about the news in the next episode, but I guess he’s not so human afterall... Glory herself had some amazing lines this episode when threatening Dawn’s life. I never get enough of the "yummy dead birds" line. And just the whole talk about the nature of the key and everything, made me respect Dawn a little more as a character, for her stupid bravery at least... Not to mention, the fight scene with Glory at the end was probably the best Glory fight of the season. The crowbar part was my favourite, although I definitely could’ve used a Wesley shotgun as a priceless finishing touch...

Blood Ties didn’t quite have the ties between characters that the fans wanted it to have back then... The internet wanted strong, bold, likable characters rather than the weak and wimpy Dawn, not caring how young and emotional she was meant to be... but like most people, they aren’t seeing Dawn for who she was. Because to me, just the way she acted when the Knight of Byzantium saw her for what she really is?... I don’t know about the rest of the internet, but then and there, the character definitely felt real to me...

... too bad the crap about "Summers blood" led to what I consider to be a complete cop out ending to the season... but I digress...

5x14 - Crush

Crush is by no means a perfect example of an episode... and hell, even I was disappointed with it at the time, considering I really thought that Druscilla’s big return would spark some flashback scenes of Spike or something... and yes, I’ll even admit that I still wish there were scenes of the past...

... but I gotta admit... I’m still rather enticed by exactly what we got... and still, I’ll never forget the ridiculously funny "date" scene, complete with requisite awkward singing of the Ramones...

This was a Spike episode. A Spike and Buffy episode actually, right off the bat... and I don’t know why I fell in love with Crush so much. Maybe it’s because I see it as a self parody of my own pathetic life? I don’t know... All I know is, even the littlest things in this episode made me howl... I mean, the blue shirt that Spike was wearing? Or the "eww" Buffy whelps at the sight of the flask, of all things?... nearly every single little nick and cranny of this episode is ridiculously funny to me. And barring possible schizophrenia, I don’t know why... guess I just can relate to it, that’s all...

It’s a Buffy and Spike episode, so the only problem was, Crush didn’t really feature the other characters so much... Xander got a great laugh on the train about Spike’s crush and everything, a laugh I shared in ways Harmony’s minions never could. And it was actually cute that Buffy got comfortable on the death scene of the chair, but I digress... Tara and Willow didn’t do much, although Buffy did get to confide in her friend... I just don’t get why Joyce was acting all scared in this episode. She seemed to love Spike in every other episode, no matter how evil he was, so why was she suddenly afraid of him now? Did she like the red shirt more than the blue shirt or something?... I forget if Giles had anything to do in Crush. I do remember that Dawn played a big role in it, playing off her innocent chemistry with James Marsters yet again... I still choke up every time Spike chokes on the fact that Dawn feels completely safe with him. And it’s ridiculously funny when you think about it, hearing ghost stories from an actual vampire from the past... And I never forget the look of dumbfoundedness on Buffy’s face when Dawn tells her the truth about Spike. I mean, it’s ironic a bit, isn’t it? That a soulless vampire, with so much insight into the human soul, could completely fall in love with a girl who apparently is absolutely clueless about anything human?...

The Spike stalker romance was the only thing I truly loved about the fifth season of Buffy the first time I watched it. It struck a cord in me, about my own crushes in life of course... And the dual scenes where Spike confronts Buffy are simply timeless to watch. I simply loved Spike pouring on the evil seductive glaze of a gaze after Buffy figures out about the "date", even though poor Sarah Michelle Gellar was revolted beyond comprehension... then poor Spike just gets bitchslapped down, to the point of crying after not even being allowed to express how he feels... And then what does he do? Sure, he drinks dead blood with his ex to prove to the fans that he’s still evil. Sure he has a stalker wall of sketches, none of which even remotely look like Buffy (he tried to be Angel, but failed I see...)... But then what does he do? He gets back on that horse, ties Buffy up, and threatens her life in ways that only poor Spike could ever care. And while obviously that wouldn’t woe over many girls, the scene was absolutely priceless to me... I can’t get enough of Spike screaming in more pain than even the chip in his brain could ever produce. His speech about "what the bleeding hell is wrong with you women?" was spot on, and one of the most Shakespearean things the series has ever wrote... And when all three girls ganged up on him? Poor Spike can’t take a hint, now can he? Druscilla dumps him for the third time, Harmony nearly stakes him, Buffy busts apart his wall of sketches, and yet Spike still couldn’t take a hint... and that’s what I love about his character... he just never gives up, does he?...

Now personally, besides all the dancing to the beat of beatings, I personally have always felt that Buffy feels something for Spike... Spike seems to know the human soul better than anyone else, and he knows there’s a reason why Buffy never staked him after a) getting the chip and attacking Willow, b) working with Adam, and now c) going all stalkerish on him... Sure, she pities him. Sure, she’s trying to torment him. But in a loving way, you know?... And that’s what I love about this episode. Because I just can’t place how exactly, but just the looks in both Druscilla’s and Buffy’s eyes when Spike had them both tied down... you know, the looks of female eye rolling boredom... the looks that can tear apart a man with just one clean, um, look?... Somehow, I know that exact same gaze. Somehow, I’ve felt that exact same glare... Somehow, I knew exactly what Spike was feeling... scary, ain’t it?...

Crush is far from perfect though... Druscilla wasn’t nearly as wacky as she ought to be (although her chemistry with evil Spike was still there, like always), it was a bit odd that Joyce didn’t get more to do in her last full episode alive, the entire first half of the episode pretty much lacked in pacing, and it was just odd to see Harmony back after all these months (although the Slayer sex game was definitely a good start...)... and yet, I just can’t help but get a complete crush on Crush... because something about it? I don’t know... it just feels so damn familiar...

... guess it helps that I (along with half of the guys on the face of the planet) all had crushes on Sarah Michelle Gellar at one point or another in our lives... but that’s besides the point... I think...

5x15 - I Was Made To Love You

I Was Made To Love You sure as hell wasn’t a great episode. It probably wasn’t a good one either... but it wasn’t bad. It was just a lighthearted comedy that would’ve been bad if it happened at any other time of the season... But it did it’s job at the end, that’s for sure. Because I mean, except for spoilers, nobody saw it coming at the end... Who would’ve guessed that such a meaningless, flower of an episode could result in the most haunting gaze in the history of the show? I for one didn’t, at least...

There’s not much to talk about the actual episode though... Every character had their moments, but none of the moments were particularly momentous... Spike got thrown through a window, which was great. And the jubilation on Buffy’s face afterwards just showed me how much she loved Spike... But then we got an awful scene of even Dawn hating Spike for what he did to Buffy in Crush. I mean, sure the rest of the characters hated Spike with a passion, but Dawn turned on him that quickly?... The rest of the cast’s only truly great moment came when they all figured out that Ms. Ted was a robot. Besides that? Well... Giles got to do girl talk with Dawn. Tara got to look jealous of Willow. Xander got to reassure Anya by claiming he loves girls who talk weirdly. And Xander at least got the "sexbot" talk, which of course, any geek guy like me would comprehend... if only Oz was still around. He wouldn’t say anything, but still, he’d get it too...

Buffy’s only decent moments were when she was staring down Spike, in the way that only woman can do... I did enjoy the Puffy Xander beatings though. She had decent chemistry with Ben too, and it’s always funny to realize just how often she keeps going for boys with superman-type dark secrets... At the end of the episode, we got some nice closure for the overall season, with Xander being all window shimming professional, and Buffy turning down Glory for a date... But overall, Buffy’s character didn’t really do much in I Was Made To Love You. I mean, sure she beat on a girlish robot who growled. And at some time realized that the only guys that like her, are the ones who become addicted to her pain... she just didn’t realize that the painful guys are the only ones she likes in return, but that’s besides the point...

Overall, I Was Made To Love You wasn’t a bad episode. It introduced Warren to the mix, who I still think was perhaps the best villain of all Buffyverse seasons (well, besides the Mayor at least... and Glory had a few moments as well...). And this episode was a nice work of comic relief, after two or three straight episodes of pain and birthdays in the Buffyverse... and heck, maybe this episode can even be pushed into the plus column simply from that one ending that no Buffy fan can ever forget... would any of us ever see it coming?...

This episode wasn’t meant to be loved... but that was the whole point, you know? So that we wouldn’t see it coming... so we wouldn’t be prepared...

5x16 - The Body

I think we all know what The Body is...

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as a series, has produced some truly artistic and touching memories... Although I never truly loved Hush, it was obvious why it became a masterpiece of fandom. And I think all of us loved Once More With Feeling at some point or another. Hell, I’ve watched that episode a dozen times by now... and probably sang along with Spike a half dozen times more...

The Body is one of those episodes that’s simply so powerful, and so painful, that I literally did dread watching the episode a second time around, and a third time too to be concise... Even though I can’t say the episode ranks up there with my favourites of the series, I still think it’s painfully obvious that if any Whedon episode deserved an Emmy award, it’s The Body... and if it wasn’t for some slight flaws in the overall episode, I really think it could’ve pulled it off...

It’s hard to talk about an episode that’s simply so engrossing that it’s almost impossible to put into words... Now, I know this is a bit of irony, but I personally thought that The Body was Kristine Sutherland’s best performance on the series ever. I mean, sure all she did was lay on cold tables with her eyes never flinching... but dammit! Think about how hard that must have been! An entire week of acting, lying around, looking completely dead somehow with so much action happening around her... I really don’t know how Kristine did it. And although The Body was an amazing episode, I really wish Joyce didn’t have to go... On the one hand, her death really helped the rest of the fifth season... on the other hand, her death really screwed up everything that happened in the later two seasons, but that’s a story for another day...

The real story, is that Sarah Michelle Gellar deserves an Emmy for The Body... I have never, ever cried from a television show, but I don’t think I have ever got closer than hearing Buffy cry out "mommy" in The Body... Everything from that first scene in the episode (after the Christmas credits, I mean...) was perfect, absolutely perfect. I wouldn’t have changed a thing... Cracking the rib was painful, and scared the hell out of me at the time. Just staring at the phone felt real as well, with none of us knowing what to do... I personally thought perhaps the greatest touch of the episode was the hope that Buffy still had in this opening scene. Sure, it was a cruel joke to dream that Joyce was still alive, but the fantasy truly worked. We all wanted her mother to be alright, and we all felt horrified when it wasn’t true... And when Buffy realized that she just called her mother a "body"? Is there any greater acting in the world?... if there’s any single point in the history of television where I was almost completely to the point of balling my eyes out, it was here... it was now... This scene was simply the apex of acting. And Sarah Michelle Gellar owned every single moment she was on screen...

I wish I could say the same about the rest of the characters though... Even without a death in my family (thank God... knock on wood...), sure I could still relate to Willow’s obsession with finding the perfect shirt. But I don’t know, the acting just didn’t feel right to me. And Tara’s calmness (thanks to her similar experience with her mom) didn’t seem to help things either, especially in contrast to how powerful Buffy’s scenes were from earlier... I don’t remember if Giles had any truly great moments. I still remember the great camera shot of him finding Joyce though, him being all distant from the screen to show us Buffy’s emotional point of view and all... Xander and Anya were lauded for their performances this episode, and I admit that punching his hand through a wall (without us seeing it) was definitely shocking and jarring, considering the mood of The Body... But besides that? I know people loved Anya’a scenes. But I don’t know... first she acted as brief spurts of comic relief, saying lines that I literally have sadly said in my own lifetime (please don’t bring back those haunting memories of mine...). And then she goes on an honest spurt of a spout about the whole stupidity of mortality. And while I hear the words, it just still feels like comic relief to me. And it wasn’t supposed to be... not until she ironically puts away Willow’s blue shirt at least... And in the final scenes? Sure, I could relate to the group buying out the entire inventory of the vending machines. But I don’t know... besides that one brief moment of comic relief, I just didn't feel the hospital scene worked with the overall episode...

... you know what really didn’t work? The crappy artistic merit that Joss Whedon put into the episode at times... I mean, maybe one day my tastes will change and all, but as of right now? I have personally never liked artsy, smansy, fancy crap like what we had to put up with some points in this episode... I mean, little intertwined shots like the phone touch tone and the medical man being out of view, all worked because they were helpers on the side. They contributed to the mood and the acting, not supplanted it... But honestly, why the fuck did Whedon have to put in shit like the negative space shot of Dawn’s drawn "body", or the really bad comic relief of the double parking ticket? It was all stupid, and mortal, and stupid... I mean, obviously I get why he put both moments in. But dammit, the episode didn’t need them. The Body was powerful enough already with all the emotions. It was Emmy quality already with just the writing and the acting... And probably the sole reason why the episode failed to win an Emmy, was because Joss had to ruin the whole mood with a goddam vampire fight at the end. I mean, sure the naked demon was a change of pace. And I know that Joss wanted Buffy to fight some sort of inner demon like the show was all about... But honestly, THE FUCKING EPISODE DIDN’T NEED HIS FUCKING ASSTASTIC ADDITIONS like this. They all felt tacked on, and made the episode laughably bad by the second half of the hour...

The Body really did suffer as an episode in the second half, in my opinion at least. Dawn got to ask a horribly, stupid, angry atheist line of "where did she go?", as if Joss was proud of himself for being all smart and cliche and shit... The vampire fight was laughably annoying. And even though the awkwardness between Buffy and Tara sitting alone was good, I just didn’t feel anything for Tara’s revelation later on...

But The Body deserves credit for what Joss intended to do: really bring to life the first few hours after a death, the first few hours that television always seems to ignore... And the first half of the episode was truly amazing... I already mentioned Joyce’s haunting glare in the Summers home, which has literally followed me like a ghost for years... But there’s still so much to mention, like just how perfect Dawn’s reaction to the news was... Just seeing her reaction, not hearing it, and showing it through the eyes of her friends and teacher, was perhaps Joss’ most brilliant touch to the episode... and if only he didn’t fuck it up with lame ass artistic shots of art at the end of the scene, maybe I would’ve conjured an Emmy for him from the Magic Box?...

... but right now, I wouldn’t even conjure congee for him... I mean, wind chimes worked. But parking tickets, the word "pee", and ugly naked vampires just don’t, regardless of what Joss thinks... because I think we all know what The Body is... and we all fear it... we all know it’s coming... we all know it has...

... and that’s exactly why this episode has and always been so powerful... the pathos? The acting? The emotion?... I’ve never felt so sorry for characters before in my entire life... and that’s why I’m just so bitter at Joss, for putting in those few little, but god-awful taut and taunting moments of personal arrogance, all of which completely ruin the mood...

... the atmosphere was everything in The Body... I literally did dread seeing this episode a second time coming... I mean... he’s not supposed to move the body...

5x17 - Forever

Forever wasn’t a bad episode. It wasn’t great either though... but I will say something...

Just like with The Body, Forever seemed to forever be etched into the annals of my mind. Because the final scene in the episode was somehow one of the freakiest and most fearful moments in the history of the show... I guess the combination of crying sisters, with the sight of a walking shadow in the background, just magically could produce one of the most suspenseful scenes I have ever felt on television. Or maybe I was simply hoping that Joyce would return fine as well?... I guess we’ll never know...

Forever didn’t have perfect pacing. And it didn’t have the best of scripts either. But it definitely had its fair share of decent scenes, enough that Forever remained one of the most memorable episodes of the season in my mind... Angel returned in what a somewhat touching scene. He really was supporting of Buffy, in a way that thankfully was far superior to his kiddy crap in season 7. But I didn’t really like the kiss he gave her... As a Buffy and Spike fan, I couldn’t really appreciate that moment, even if the Angel and Buffy music remix in the background was bringing back nostalgic memories... Spike himself had a lot to do, but he didn’t really get any great lines. Forever marked the true beginning of his heroism, protecting Dawn even after the way she treated him last episode. And the fight against the Hydra demon was pretty damn funny... Spike helped introduced Doc to the mix, a creepy little bastard whom I wish returned in the sixth season of Buffy or something. While Doc never really did much as a villain, he ended up being one of the more memorable ones in the end somehow, if only because the description of "smells like grandpa" still comes to mind...

Giles had only one great scene: when he was listening to the Band Candy music in his room. For anyone who remembered that episode, that one scene alone was extremely powerful... Tara only got to play the good witch in Forever. But Forever may forever be remembered as Willow’s first true foray into the darkness of her soul. The contrast between the two was indelible – Tara has qualms about power, while Willow just didn’t care... Xander didn’t get anything to do except look weird while half naked. And Anya talked about kids, although her lines about not being threatened by Dawn fondling the money were much more touching to me in the end.... afterall, she likes money... she likes money a lot... money money money (goddam tech stocks... but I digress...)...

Forever was meant to be a Dawn episode, though unfortunately they wrote her as a bit too annoying and naive... Her chemistry with Spike was there as always, but dropping the egg was just so stupid on her behalf. And getting Spike killed almost twice certainly didn’t make her seem heroic either... Her doki panic with Doc was understandable, considering he may have figured out she was the key just by touching her. But overall, the scene just made her feel awkward for the Buffyverse, being all terrified, season one style and all... And while she definitely made a mark on me with her spell of a slapping with Buffy later in the episode, I can’t say that any of Dawn’s lines were truly great. The hugging between the two felt real, and I’ll never forget Buffy’s yelp of "mommy" before opening the door to wind, but still... This was Dawn’s chance to shine. I don’t really think she did, and unfortunately she would never really have the chance to again (although she was alright in The Weight of the World, I suppose).

There a bunch of little things I didn’t like about this episode... I mean, why the heck was Ben so damn stupid that he didn’t even slit Jinx’s throat? And how could a beginner at magic ever pull off a spell like this (unless it was because she was the key)?...

But all that really mattered in the end, was that Forever still remains in my mind as one of the most memorable episodes in the history of the show... I never forgot the funeral scene. I never forget about the night of the living Joyce... I’ll never forget Kristine Sutherland. And I’ll definitely never forget her character...

5x18 - Intervention

The name of the episode says it all... by absolutely saying nothing at all... It’s like the writers didn’t know what to call this episode. And to be honest, I don’t blame them... I’m stunned just like the rest of them...

... because damn, this episode was hot!...

Sarah Michelle Gellar was absolutely at her best as the Buffybot... Sure, she played a double role this episode, but I really couldn’t care for her hard and cold, ironically human self... I mean, sure she had the "hello kitty" line. Sure, she got confused by the 20 questions game from the first Slayer (but I’ll talk about that in my Gift review). And everybody probably laughed at the golden line, "you couldn’t tell me apart from a robot?"... Oh, if only she could’ve seen how stupid her friends were the entire time...

But Sarah Michelle Gellar was simply so damn adorable as the Buffybot, that Intervention literally became one of my favourite episodes of the season (even with the boring desert quest and all)... I just loved her "cold, sinister attraction" to Spike. I couldn’t get enough of her helpless falling into his evil grasp... I mean damn, does that girl know how to turn a guy on or what?... Groping him in cemeteries, calling him "the Big Bad" like we always knew she would?... The way she would rip off his shirt and sizzle a stake on his chest... just the way she would twinkle her eyes, walk with her legs open wide, and smile that brass ol’ smile of hers?... I never stop chuckling at her Spike-programmed response to Angel. And damn, was her smile ever sexy, even if it was a bit scary... And wow, was Sarah Michelle Gellar perfect as the Buffybot. Was she ever, absolutely mesmerizing with Spike... she not only fulfilled every single last one of Spike’s desires. I think she fulfilled mine as well...

Although this was strangely enough Sarah Michelle Gellar’s best episode of the season, it was Spike’s episode character wise. I mean, not only was he absolutely the man when it came to manhandling the Buffybot. Not only did the two actors scorch the screen like only Lilah and Wesley did after them... But Spike really got to prove he’s not just a sick, obsessive stalker like I am, in Intervention... After being captured by Glory, not only did he refuse to give up the truth out of love for Buffy, not only did he refuse to give up Dawn, out of love for Dawn as well... But he was literally having fun with the hell bitch! His sinister laugh in the face of pain was a welcome return to the world of old Spike. His joke about the "limp and beaten body of Bob Barker" still gives me happy happy, joy joy images to this day... And I just loved what he said to Glory’s face. I really wonder whether she has a lopsided ass or not... And the final moment that Spike and the real Buffy shared at the end? It was absolutely the most touching moment between the two since Fool For Love. And it really showed some real love between the two... it’s just too bad we never got to see that love again until season seven’s Chosen... I always wanted them to have a fling in the car with the bourbon again, you know?...

Intervention had it’s boring moments, but all this episode’s faults were pretty much overcome by the best humour of the bunch... While I didn’t care much for Giles’ hokey pokey (they took that joke too far), I just loved the fact that the Buffybot couldn’t even pronounce his name properly... Xander had the most moments with the Buffybot, and it was just hilarious how he never once got a clue that he was talking to a robot... Anya was at her best this episode. She was so damn giddy about the bot’s concern for her money that it was almost infectious. The two of them really could’ve been best friends, you know... Tara got to make one of her only good jokes of the entire season, calling Buffy nuts for boinking Spike. And Willow? How could she possibly not realize she was talking to a robot, after constant references to friendship and being gay? Or maybe she just wanted the sketches of the sexcapades too?...

Intervention definitely had its slow parts... Like I said, I didn’t care much for the desert scenes, even if they directly linked back to Restless. And any scene without the Buffybot in action felt a little off in the end as well... But dammit, how could I possibly not love an episode with lines like "vampires of the world, beware"? Sarah Michelle Gellar was absolutely priceless and adorable as her robotic self. And her chemistry, even as a soulless being, was absolutely perfect with James Marsters, as always... Glory had some of her best moments as well since Checkpoint. She really did seem threatening, and everyone just loves to kick the Spike...

I still don’t get why this episode was called "Intervention"... but I sure know why I like it...

... Buffybots of the world, beware... if only...

5x19 - Tough Love

While The Gift was obviously decent in the end (and loved by the fans), I personally count Tough Love as the last great episode of the fifth season... I mean, sure the episode wasn’t perfect... Although it was a long time coming, I still didn’t feel anything for the Willow and Tara fight. I certainly didn’t think that Willow’s addiction to power was built up enough during the season, and I couldn’t help but snicker at the reference to "experimentation"...

But still, Tough Love proved to me through tough love that it really was a great episode in the end, even if it took two viewings to convince me... Literally every single character had something meaningful to do, although some moments weren’t exactly the best... Dawn had her whole speech about guilt. I just felt sorry that I didn’t feel sorry for her, that’s all... She wasn’t the most convincing, and I was pissed off that her god-awful clepto plotline started this episode... but still, at least her chemistry with Spike was undeniable again... Spike himself didn’t get much to do. But it was touching after Intervention that Buffy trusted Spike so much that she actually entrusted Dawn to him again. And Spike really seemed like he cared about Buffy this episode, even hinting that he would die for her... It’s just too bad that after Intervention, he became a crappy instead of a scrappy fighter in the Buffyverse. Guess once a guy gets heart, he can’t be a bad ass anymore?... too bad... his scrappy all-business style went perfectly with Buffy’s all-punning team...

Giles got to pull a ripper this episode. Just hearing whatever the hell he snapped off the minion was perhaps the last satisfying Ripper moment in the history of the show (The Gift non-withstanding...)... Xander and Anya did things too I suppose. Xander not so much, but I loved Anya’s "patriotic" speech. Because I agree with her – French people definitely aren’t American. And it’s just kind of funny, how you know this speech never would’ve made it to air if it came after 9/11... And Buffy? Well, she was cute this episode, but it just disturbed me that she changed her hair during an apocalypse, and made herself out to be some sort of Avril Lavigne wannabe. Not a good choice after the Buffylicious Buffybot... But she definitely did put on a performance this episode. Her fight with Glory wasn’t so great, but the look on her face when Glory figured out Dawn’s secret still sends shivers down my spine... And the moment when it was revealed that social services might take Dawn away from Buffy? Although I still laugh at just how short of a time Buffy actually kept that secret in, I still find it emotional to a degree...

... and besides... how can I not enjoy an episode, that featured a book with a title as lame as "darkest magick"?...

Tough Love was all about Tara and Willow, and that was both the episode’s strength and greatest weakness... On one hand, I hated the episode for reducing the Angel and Buffy music to the Willow and Tara romance. I mean, I didn’t care anything about their fight, even knowing the consequences of it in the sixth season... But I did care for the aftermath of the fight. While nothing can top the coolness factor of Spike mocking a god’s fashion sense, I gotta admit that I really did feel bad for Tara as her hand was squeezed into two... Sure, I laugh whenever poor Tara gets her brain sucked out. But I gotta admit, I felt horrible that she knew she couldn’t even scream without getting the entire fair killed. And I also gotta admit, I felt horrible at the end when Tara still knew who Willow was, yet couldn’t even eat a sandwich... I preferred how Tara’s craziness was much more subdued than Joyce’s overacting was earlier in the season. It was also touching that Willow felt so bad for "her girl", even if I never liked their relationship in the first place... And even hating their relationship, I gotta say that Tough Love was perhaps the only episode where I actually thought the two had chemistry. I guess "getting crazy" was the best thing that ever happened to Tara. And at least, we got a great fight scene out of it... although I ask myself, if Darth Willow’s force lightning could hurt Glory, why not just stick with that?... guess Willow wasn’t really thinking when she thought her bad of knives looked cool...

Tough Love was a tough episode for me to love at first... I’ve always hated the Tara and Willow romance, and I always will I think... and their annoying argument this episode did nothing to change my mind, but still... I think that just by the way that Willow looked at Tara and vice versa when all was said and done and crazy, I realized that those two really were close together... And juxtaposed with Buffy’s love for Dawn this episode as well?... I don’t know...

... even as a guy, I guess I’ve always had a thing for chick flicks... if they’re decent, at least... Hell, why else would I like Buffy the Vampire Slayer?... but we will never speak of this again...

5x20 - Spiral

Spiral was quite a spiral of a downtown for the series, in a lot of people’s eyes (mine included)... I mean honestly, the main plotline had the Scoobies in a Winnebago, being chased by ancient Byzantine knights of the Crusade? And even worse, the knights actually outran the Winnebago?... I don’t care how suped up their horses were. This episode was just completely ridiculous in the end...

It’s a shame I can’t get past the more idiotic moments of the episode, because a lot of the meat and potatoes were better than I’d give the writers credit for... Each of the characters had a few moments of their own... Giles got to get stabbed and say the fatherly speech to Buffy. Tara got to show hints of knowing what’s to come... Willow got to pull off some of her most powerful magic yet (force barriers were good, but where was the force lightning when they needed it?...), and I felt she consoled Tara reasonably well... I forget if Anya did anything, considering she always becomes a bore around apocalypse time (she turns too serious in this episode, for example... besides the piano suggestion and the frying pan, I mean...). But Xander? Well, he finally got his bonding moment with Spike and everything. And he did provide some comic relief with the sea-sickness in the desert and all... Spike himself didn’t have the best of his episodes, but I’ll be damned if I don’t laugh every time I see him wear those wacky goggles in a Winnebago. I mean, sure it disturbed me that he was such a wimpy fighter this episode, getting his hands sliced off and not even getting one hit on Glory out of payback... But at least Buffy trusted him enough to be there. She needed Spike, and in return, he was there for her...

Dawn didn’t get any good speeches this episode. And personally? Her talk with Buffy about how running away was the right thing to do, was perhaps the weakest part of the episode (yes, even worse than a Winnebago attacking horsies...)... Buffy herself was sort of in a downward spiral as well. Did she have any great scenes? Not really, considering she was emotionally separate from the group most of the time... She fought decently well on the Winnebago, even though the show should never show Medieval Fair rejects in broad daylight again. And she did get a lot of information out of the Byzantine general, although his character was far too one dimensional and cliche to be worth anything... And hell, we didn’t even get a good fight with Glory at the end of the episode... but at least, the poor goddess got her ass wiped by a Mac truck. At least that was something to put in the record books, although I definitely would’ve preferred a Wesley moment with his shotgun...

The acting is this episode just wasn’t there. And the coolness factor was pretty much missing as well, considering Spiral took the dreadful road of taking itself far too seriously... And the plot holes and annoyances abounded! Since it was referenced, why the heck didn’t the Scoobies at least try that spell they used on Adam again, even if it meant their dreamy lives? Why the heck did Ben decide to drive all the way to the gas station and stay there an eternity, if he was never ever intending to either a) kill Dawn or b) give her over to Glory? And why the hell did Spike steal absolutely the worst Winnebago in the history of Winnebagos?... and I suppose the Knights looked great on paper, but a note to all television writers out there – Crusaders launching fiery arrows in a gas station, without ever once thinking about hitting a gas main to hopefully torch Dawn, was definitely not the road to take for a near-series finale...

Spiral was quite a terrible episode. Hell, that’s the only reason why I’ve remembered this episode so long – because it just sucked so damn badly that it simply wasn’t funny... and I would blame the episode too for Buffy’s little head trip at the end, but that’s a story for another day... or another mini-review below, to be precise...

5x21 - The Weight of the World

... okay... if anyone thought Spiral was bad, than The Weight of the World truly must have the weight of the world on its shoulders... I mean, this episode just plain sucked... Do most second to last episodes of the season suck this badly?...

Now, the audience can all understand why Buffy would go all Faith coma and catatonic. She’s lost Angel, she’s lost Riley, she’s lost her mother, and she was just about to lose her only family member left... I guess that’s something to go a little numb from... But c’mon already! Her dream sequences were completely lame. Sure, we got a nice return visit from Kristine Sutherland. Just her reappearance, looking so full of life, brought back the fondest of Joyce memories from better times in the series... But The Weight of the World definitely wasn’t one of those better times. And having the same damn scenes repeat themselves, over and over again, with none of the great imagery that Restless had (except for perhaps snuggling Dawn with a pillow)?... It was like that thing with Warren’s sexbot. I mean, just like Buffy wasn’t surprised to hear that it was a robot, I couldn’t help but just roll my eyes when we heard the truth about Buffy’s state... I mean, sure the one second with a book with an interesting idea. But c’mon, we get it already! Buffy is upset about losing her mom. Buffy is upset about possibly losing Dawn... Do we really need an entire hour to explore this in absolutely the most annoying fashion possible?... Except for the lovely rescreening of two Buffies on screen at once, was there any real point to this episode at all?...

The rest of the characters suffered as a result... Willow got to be all concerned for Buffy by tapping into her subconscious. But by doing so, she lost the only thing she had going in the past few episodes: the chemistry she had, caring for Tara... Giles got to go to a hospital. Was there anything else? And Xander got to slay poor Doc much to my chagrin (why the heck can’t Spike fight anymore?...), although I guess some baddies just don’t want to stay dead (and yet the Scoobies never properly stab first, decapitate second for safety reasons... don’t they ever learn?...)... Spike provided the only truly great moment of the episode... Just like I still laugh at the pathetic Adam from Primeval, I never get tired of exasperating, "Ben is Glory! Glory is Ben!... Is everyone all really stoned?..."... That was one of Spike’s most classic lines, and the camera shots of the completely dumbfounded cast (even Tara in the background) was simply priceless, to say the least... I never tire of the Giles comment, "now, do we suspect that there is some connection between Ben and Glory?", and the looks that ensued?... this was the one and only scene that I look forward to whenever watching The Weight of the World... this one scene alone carries the weight of the world on its shoulders...

The rest of the episode was pretty much wasted with a bunch of Dawn and Glory scenes... Dawn herself was alright, with Michelle Trachenberg putting in one of her better performances of the year. I just wish Glory was her old self this episode... Her speech about everyone being crazy was not just eye rolling cliche, but seriously out of character as well. And while her new feelings of guilt were decent, it just somehow ruined her whole dynamic when it came to comedy... Ben was the most horrible character in the episode, and unfortunately for him, I don’t mean that in the way the writers wanted me to... I was personally hoping Ben would stay innocent, simply so Giles’ actions in the Gift could resonate further. But instead, we got some god-awful blue screen of death scene, with some of the worst transformation effects ever since vampires were new in the first season of Buffy... Ben and Glory’s conversation was decent. But even though it was established that Glory was mind melding with Ben, I just thought that Ben turned evil far too easily to be of any consequence. His character became meaningless because of that... the death of an innocent being would’ve worked far better in the finale...

... besides, why wouldn’t Buffy kill a not so innocent human, when didn’t she kill like ten human knights in Spiral just before?...

Anyhew, this episode had the weight of the world on its shoulders. Everything about the season hinged on this one episode alone... And it’s no wonder why I was ultimately disappointed with the fifth season of Buffy in the end. Because with a crappy episode like The Weight of the World so late in the seasonal game?... it’s really no wonder why I left the school year with such a bitter taste in my mouth... quite a gift that was, indeed...

5x22 - The Gift

The Gift was a gift to all of the fans of Buffy out there it seemed... I still remember what I wrote on my Tweakui site the night after it aired... I was lividly disgusted by all the girls I saw in my high school, balling their eyes out and screaming their ears out, that poor Buffy the Vampire Slayer had finally died... Sure, I wanted to bitch slap some sense into them, sniping at them that Buffy was returning for a sixth season on a new station... but I’ve always been too damn tame and too damn lame, to ever give such a gift to a girl...

I couldn’t stand The Gift really, just like I never ever seem to really love Buffy season finales in the end... Prophecy Girl was just horribly cliche and overdramatic for the first season. Becoming was good in the second season, but the Angel and Buffy horny crap really did annoy me after a while... Graduation was a letdown compared to most of the stellar third season episodes, but still good by most accounts... Restless completely left me restless, for being so damn artsy that I hated almost every single thing that the episode aired on screen... Grave in season six was good, although the ending made me roll my eyes and shave off my hair... and I won’t even mention how god-awful Chosen was...

The Gift, sadly put, was one of the better season finales of Buffy the Vampire Slayer... Hell, I’d probably even put it second after Becoming, since there really isn’t much competition out there... but the fact that two straight episodes before it absolutely sucked a quart of vampire dust? Then it’s obvious why I left the fifth season with such a bitter taste of lemonade in my heart...

But overall, I must admit, The Gift is still a good episode, even though it was preachy in all the wrong ways... As a writer, I personally always enjoy when all the clues throughout the story writing process come together for one great finale... And The Gift truly did prove to me that unlike the fourth season, the writers came in with a plan and stuck to their guns... If there’s one really positive thing to say about this episode, it’s that it brought forth so many little things from the rest of the fifth season, that it made the entire year truly feel like a cohesive whole... There was the troll hammer. The Dagon’s sphere. The Fool For Love lesson. The bit about "Summer’s blood" (even though I thought that was a cop out... she ain’t the key, you know...). The whole speech about "death is your gift"... Doc made his returning presence known. And Tara finally came back, nipping Glory in her lopsided buds as payback... Hell, even the Buffybot made a return, albeit I found it a little too strange that Willow could reprogram it in such short time...

Every character had something memorable to do this episode, and thus, The Gift really capped off a great season of character development, perhaps the best the series has ever had (although I personally didn’t like where every character arc was heading...)... Xander got to propose to Anya, and the bitch slap back was one of the greatest moments in the history of their relationship. It was touching too you know, and quite appropriate, considering I’ve always wanted to bitch slap all those other shows where couples propose when they think they’re going to die... Willow finally got to pull a real whammy over Glory in revenge, and got back Tara as a result. I just wish Willow actually did something to help Dawn after that, instead of just cradling Tara like a selfish baby, but that’s a rant for another day... Giles was forever mamed on the internet for what he did to Ben this episode. I personally saw his action coming a mile away (Tara’s foreshadowing non-withstanding...), and I was actually pleased it happened. I also loved the shocked look on his face when Anya came up with a dozen good battle plan ideas, Buffybot later included... But Spike? Well, I’ve always complained that this episode made him seem too weak. I hated how he couldn’t even get past the crazy people, when Buffy did it in a second. I hate how he couldn’t throw Doc off the tower, even though Buffy did it in a second. And I hated how he balled his eyes out like a baby. I mean, at least in the past, James Marsters put that silent kind of reserved look in his eyes whenever he teared... Spike’s only great moment of this episode was the flash of his immortal flask of courage. I was also hoping that his relationship with Buffy could go somewhere in this episode, but the poor guy was mostly forgotten until the sixth season... at least he got an invite though...

Every character got their moment, but The Gift was obviously about Dawn and Buffy alone... Dawn didn’t do much herself, except wear a weird dress on the top of a tower. And I wish I could say I enjoyed Michelle’s acting this episode, but considering I laughed in her face the first time she watched her sister take the Nestea plunge? Well, let’s not go there... As for Buffy, I’ve never liked episodes where she gets all preachy and speechy and serious and such. And I’d assume most fans wouldn’t either, considering the backlash to the seventh season... But alas, the fans absolutely loved Buffy this episode. And while her fight with Glory was quite amusing (except for the parts climbing the tower... the music and choreography there just felt off...), I still gotta admit that I was snickering more than I was sniffling when I saw her just so damn happy to finally commit slayer suicide for her sister... I mean, what the fuck was the moral of this story anyhew? And why did Buffy’s blood seal the doorway? Sure, Dawn was made with Summers’ blood, but I’m sure the blood of the Key has to be somewhat different. And c’mon already!... anyone who reads my mini-reviews should know that I absolutely hate completely stupid looking episodes that take themselves far too seriously. And seeing Spike weeping in a corner, after a dragon pops loose out of a demon dimension? I don’t know... The Gift just wasn’t my thing...

However, The Gift ended up being the real thing for millions of Buffy fans out there, it seemed. And I simply cannot deny that with strong (and likable) character arcs all finding some sort of closure, that The Gift could’ve worked as a pretty decent series finale (much better than Chosen ever did at least... God that episode sucked ass...)...

But The Gift just wasn’t for me. I can’t help but laugh whenever Giles gives Ben a noseplug. I just can’t help but find it ridiculous that Xander used a wrecking ball as a weapon, with a bowling pun afterwards... I just can’t help but roll my eyes every time I see that "dawn" in the background, rising as a sunset. And I just can’t help but beat myself in the head with a goddam troll hammer of an ugly stick, every single goddam time I see Buffy so damn happy just to kill herself in her sister’s face... she’s a fool for suicide, I see...

The Gift was either an episode you loved or hated, I think... the problem is, I didn’t love it... and I didn’t hate it... I somehow only liked it... Strong character arcs and strong seasonal storylines, combined with one lame ass script but one cool ass final fight?... well, that sure as hell was one final gift, with a hell of a lot left over for me to unwrap...