- IvanF's No-Name, Cut & Paste Review of the
First Season of Star Trek Enterprise (2001-2002) -
(First Contact with the Suliban, Return of the Andorians, Introduction of the Temporal Cold War)

- IvanFian written June 2002 -

Notable Episodes: Broken Bow (Parts 1 & 2), The Andorian Incident, Cold Front, Dear Doctor, Shockwave (Part 1)
Best Episode of the Season: Shuttlepod One

Bare with me for a while, because this is the first time I've ever officially reviewed an Enterprise season, or even an Enterprise episode for that matter... I guess I can't be blamed for being nervous or anything. I mean, Star Trek is my life, and I'd hate myself if I didn't do its episodes justice in this year-end review. Short story short, I'm seeing real potential in Enterprise. When I first heard of a new Star Trek series going back to the roots, back to an era where the Federation didn't even exist, I was rather suspicious at first... Pardon the pun, but I had a serious lack of faith in the heart at the time, and it was quite a shocker to me half way through this first Enterprise season, when I finally realized that to me, this fifth Star Trek series has been the best series yet since I first fell in love with Star Trek: The Next Generation.

I'm sure we know how and when my first love of Star Trek began. I used to hate the series with a passion. I was a nerd, and the worst thing I could possibly do to my self-esteem was get involved in that insane Trekkie cult I had been made fun of so damn much... But back in Grade 4 or Grade 5 or something, I remember being in mother's room, flipping through the channels like any good little man would do, and lo and behold, I saw this ridiculous show with a bald captain and a ship that looked like a swan... Not realizing what I was getting into, I decided to give this show the benefit of a doubt and watch it all the way through, and God, am I thankful enough to have been stupid enough to do that... The episode I was watching was Best of Both Worlds Part 1, and as any Trek fan would know, this first invasion by the Borg was arguably the best television any Star Trek series has ever made. It definitely ranks at the top of my list of episodes to date, and was it luck or what that the only day I was willing to put up with all that Star Trek crap, was the day the best episode ever was aired on TV?... there's probably a conspiracy around this... it was almost too convenient that my favourite cliffhanger of any show of all time, just happened to be on that one afternoon by the television... it was almost too easy...

Suffice to say, I've seen a lot of great Star Trek Episodes since then, and also a lot of letdowns as well. I loved Yesterday's Enterprise, where the Enterprise D had to send the Enterprise C back to the past, and I didn't even know who Tasha Yar was back then... Then again, I was thoroughly disappointed in Time's Arrow, the episode where Data's sent back in time and meets Mark Twain, and I just couldn't muster up the excitement to cheer when Beverly Crusher of all people destroyed the Borg ship in Part 2 of Descent... And then of course, there was a period of mourning after All Goods Things aired and I was left with that horrible show Deep Space 9. The first two seconds of that new series was simply horrendous, except for Emissary which I still haven't seen in full to this day... However, although I did get tired of many of the long running arcs on Deep Space 9, its personalities and chararcterization have yet to be matched in any Star Trek series since. And who could forget such timeless Trek classics as Way of the Warrior (the return of Worf) and the Sacrifice of Angels, the episode with an epic space battles that can rival a Star Wars movie anyday... I was rather let down by What You Leave Behind, the schizophrenic-like finale of Deep Space 9, and once again, I was sent into another morbid state of Trekdom when I was left with nothing but that horrible series of Star Trek Voyager... Things began to pick up for the series after a while, though. The Scorpion Cliffhanger, the brilliant episode where the Borg are being destroyed by Species 8472, ranks second on my list of favourite Star Trek Episodes of all time, right behind Best of Both Worlds. And although Voyager could never match the quality of that episode (especially after ruining the Borg with all those Seven episodes and Unimatrix Zero), I still did enjoy parts of Dark Frontier (although it was ridiculous how the Delta Flyer could take on the whole Borg Collective), and I did feel that Endgame was a rather decent finale (although the Queen's death was unncessary), and by that logic, Voyager has been the only series with a final episode worthy of the rest of its own episodes... and, well... Short story short, my brief history of IvanF's Star Trek in time has now led me to the new series that's still finding its grounding: Star Trek Enterprise.

So let's run by history here... The Next Generation had an awful pilot episode, although the trial by Q all worked well in the end with All Good Things... Deep Space Nine had a killer introduction with Sisko losing his ship at Wolf 359 to Locutus of Borg, a sequence I still haven't been able to see, but I have seen the second half of that DS9 pilot, and it certainly did not do the Dominion Wars to follow justice... And as for Voyager? The pilot was absolutely atrocious! Besides some cool effects with the Caretaker's shockwave and everything, the whole plotline with the Ocampa and the non-threatening Kazon or whatever, was a horrible way to start off the new series in a new quadrant... So let's face facts here, that I wasn't exactly looking forward to the first episode of the new series Enterprise. I was sure that the series would pick up by its third season and everything, with the war with the Romulans finally beginning and the conflict with the Klingons finally brewing, but was I interested in the first season at all?... After watching Endgame and realizing how horrible of a series Voyager was as a whole, I almost felt like my love of Star Trek was gone...

But alas, even the hourglass is forced to follow the laws of something... or... um, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'll never lose faith in the heart again... I sadly missed the first five minutes of the Star Trek pilot. I wanted to concentrate on university and not on some Trek series that was going to flop as badly as Voyager did in the critics' eyes... However, I couldn't stop my brother from taunting me, and flipping to the new show the night of the pilot episode, Broken Bow. And, um... wow, I sure have a lot of will power... I just dropped my homework then and there, and sat in front of the TV the rest of the night as my brother just kept laughing at me for dumping all my morals... Because that's right, I have no scruples when it comes to Star Trek... and, well...

I turned off the TV when Broken Bow was over that night feeling mixed, um, feelings. I was absolutely disgusted with the Suliban, because they not only were carbon copies of Spiderman, but they were carbon copies of the alien creatures I dream of in my head all the time! And you see, that's a problem, because what I dream at night is so damn cheesy! Creatures that walk on walls and slide under doors is cool when you picture it with your eyes closed, but it's not cool when you see it on TV... But what did I like about the new threats to the Federation universe? I loved the idea of the Temporal Cold War. Yes, I was afraid at first that there would be a big reset button at the end of the series or something, that after the Romulans don't get beaten at the Battle of Cheron thanks to the Suliban or something, that time would erase itself and Archer and co. would never have existed... But after watching through the first season, although my fears have not disappeared, I no longer care if there is a big temporal reset or anything because this series is turning out to be one of the greatest of all Trek time. Although I couldn't stand the wimpy, crispy Suliban in the pilot, I loved the demeaning looks the Vulcans gave to every human they saw. They reminded me of the Vulcans we saw in the DS9 baseball match episode, as cold arrogant Romulan wannabes who's logic dictates that they are the superior race of the universe... And some other positive notes of the pilot episode: I couldn't help but laugh when the Babe Pig Farmer turned Zephran Cochrane gave a speech to send the Enterprise and the first Warp 5 engine underway, and I loved that unique feeling John Billingsly gave to the overwhelmingly positive Doctor Phlox while examining the body of the injured Klingon... And you see, that's what I found so fascinating about this pilot episode. It felt so new and fresh at the start, with discussions about how Vulcans were holding humanity back, and then the episode all ended with an old, classic TNG feel with the Klingons chanting death threats at their earthly saviours. But most importantly, after watching Broken Bow, I felt a true character dynamic that hasn't been felt since Data and Picard, or even Kirk and Scotty. The interactions between long-time friends Trip Tucker and Johnathan Archer was perhaps the best Trek script writing since Locutus of Borg told Data to sleep... or when Picard's and Crusher's minds were linked, and, um, that's about how far their romance got after 7 years...

However, although the pilot episode of Enterprise gave me much hope in the heart for the future of Trek, the episodes that shortly ensued were not as great as I had hoped they'd be. Now, I can't remember much about Fight or Flight anymore, except that alot of critics blasted the Trek writers for making Hoshi into a weak female character, but I do remember one certain scene that epitomizes everything there is about the new series. When Archer and his team took a shuttlepod over to the adrift alien ship, I recall being fascinated by the fact the shuttle had to spin around to dock with the alien's porthatch. And I don't know why that scene was cool to me, but there's really nothing else I can remember from this episode other than that... Well, okay, so maybe I did feel a bit of a threat from those fluid sucking aliens and their massive ship that overpowered the Enterprise with ease. At first, I found myself thinking the battle would be real interesting, with the Enterprise having puny torpedoes that couldn't even target properly, and then it hit me... um... So let me get this straight: the Enterprise was sent alone into outer space, armed with nothing more than some cruise missiles that don't work? That's ridiculous! If they've got phase pistols that can fit in their hands, why the hell weren't there phasers on the stupid ship? And I know, I know, this all gets answered later on in the season, but at least at this point, Malcolm Reed should've had some real nuclear weapons at his disposal for the odd emergency or two. And yet after they were freed from the alien's tractor beam, all they could do was dent it with a little grenade like missile explosion?... And it was then and there that I realized, that all those great battle scenes from DS9 may never get duplicated again, simply because this stupid Enterprise ship was too feeble to put up a decent fight...

And after the next episode, Strange New World, where the crew finds an earth-like planet which just happened to have hallucinagenic pollen everywhere in the air, my cynicism of the Trek writers had magically reappeared. Although I will commend this episode for beginning the great character dynamic between Trip Tucker and the soon-to-be-Pon-Farring T'Pol, I just couldn't stand how naive all the Enterprise officers were this episode. So let me get this straight: a bunch of crewman decided to stay a night on an uncharted planet for no apparent reason but to tell ghost stories? I mean, it's kinda sad that this episode had possibly Travis Mayweather's only memorable moment, but it's even more sad that Captain Archer didn't send a remote robot down to the planet or something, Stargate style, to at first ascertain if anything weird goes on at night or when the wind blows or some crap like that... However, there were two rather redeeming moments in this episode, besides Trip's excellent acting at the illusional rock monsters. First of all, I enjoyed for a while how little the crew trusted their transporters. Personally, I'd be scared too of a device that rearranges your atoms and sends them in a matter stream all the way through empty space... And secondly, there was one great line I remember from this episode. As Archer opened the shuttlepod hatch, Porthod immediately ran out towards a tree, and I forget who said it, but somebody said the classic line, "Where no dog has done before"... This episode was supposed to show how new the universe was to this first ever Warp 5 crew, but alas, it only ended up showing how stupid and cocky the crew turned out to be.

However, my faith in Enterprise was partially restored in Unexpected, where Trip repairs a Xyrillian ship and gets pregnant in the process. I enjoyed how cheap yet effective the lighting and blurring effects were on the alien ship. It seems to be forgotten in the Star Trek universe that no two breathing atmospheres are the same in the universe, and that a person has just got to feel disoriented whenever they change from one oxygen level to another. So basically I enjoyed this episode, simply because it showed off a bit what outer space might actually be like to live in. Not only did Trip have to wait through a decompression chamber, but his surprised look at the food growing walls and the cubic-shaped water were a nice touch as well... However, the main premise of the story, the holographic romance with the Xyrillian woman and the ensuing male pregnancy after that, was far too short and not very much effective at all. With only twenty minutes left to go in the episode, Trip was unfortunately the brunt of far two few jokes, except from a jealous T'Pol of course. And the threats the Klingons gave to Archer at the end were really nothing to get excited about. So while this episode started out fresh and interesting, it managed to pull a Broken Bow and become plain, ordinary, and just the same as any other Trek episode by the end. Although I do enjoy the classic Trek feeling that all the other series had, I thought Berman said Enterprise would feel different from the rest? Or was I just hallucinating with cubic water at the time?

At this point, I think I'd better take this time to apologize to anyone who decided to read this Y2kk Update of mine, thinking that it was going to be some in-depth analysis of each Enterprise episode or something. Well, in case you haven't noticed yet, I'm barely even mentioning anything about any episode, except for those few parts that I actually do remember. Star Trek is not a religion to me, and not normally my source of pride either... that's what computers are for, but I digress... Enterprise is simply just another show to me, another form of entertainment. And the parts that I do remember and mention in this season wrap-up, are either the parts I cherished most or the parts I loathed from each episode. I'm sorry if I disappoint you by not remembering everything that happened in between, but I guess that's how I choose to write... and besides, give me a break! It's been practically a year since I saw these episodes, and I've never been known to have a good memory in the first place...

With that in mind, I guess it's a good time to mention that I really don't remember anything about Terra Nova, the episode where the Enterprise crew finds a lost human colony that has been mutated by nuclear rain. And although the premise of this episode seemed fine at the time, the lack of any real plotline made this one of my most hated episodes of the entire first season. Besides that shcoked look on the old woman's face when she somehow remembered her mother in the photograph, I can't remember a single thing from this entire episode... or, well, okay, I do remember actually feeling sorry for the Terra Novans at a few points, at how little their former leader trusted earth by blaming the meteor hit on them, and how little the Terra Novans trusted Phlox and his CAT scans or whatever medical equipment, as if it was some kind of witchcraft or something... but alas, I had to agree with the critics on this one, that this episode was simply not worth remembering because all it consisted of was a simple mystery that was solved by the end with little or no reprecussions. There just wasn't enough in this episode to care about, which sort of reminds me of my life...

Anyhew, I can't really agree with the critics on the Andorian Incident. To them, it was one of the best episodes of the season. But to me? Maybe I was just tired from tests and exams at the time, because I practically slept through the whole episode. But I will admit, there were some brilliant moments in the episode. Once again, I must applaud the Trip/Archer/T'Pol threesome they have going here. It'll be interesting who T'Pol will choose when Pon Farr comes to shove... I also liked the comment from T'Pol, how Vulcans find the smell of humans to be more than just discomforting. Next on the list, this was also the first episode that Malcolm Reed got to shine. I mean, he was actually allowed to plant C4 explosives on a wall or some crap like that, and as a military wannabe, how could I not enjoy such a wonderful gift?... of course, it would've been smarter if he just transported the Andorians to somewhere else, or if he hit them with some sort of sleeping gas, but we won't get picky, now will we? And besides, the screen transition between the sunlight that Tucker saw and the three eyes in the front foyer was obviously unique enough for me to remember... And although I didn't exactly care for that young Vulcan guy who decided to take up arms to protect the sanctuary relics, I did find his line appropriate, how "we must protect what is ours", and of course, how could I not laugh when he couldn't even aim a gun that had no recoil?... And last by not least, what saved this episode from a bunch of dreary backdrops and mundane atmospheres, was the big revelation at the end that the Andorians had been right all along, that the Vulcans were spying on them with a massive observatory on the planet. And T'Pol's reaction to it all and her loyalty to Captain Archer was dead on and deathly appropriate at that moment... Now, I'm not going brag that I saw the whole ending way ahead of time, except that I just did brag, but that's besides the point... What matters is that for the first time in Enterprise, the viewer has been able to see that the logic of Vulcans is just as flawed as our emotions will ever be. And even though some Vulcan fans hate how much of a nemesis the Enterprise writers have made their beloved logical ones, I personally am enjoying the Vulcans for the first time in a long time, simply because this has been the first episode to truly make them look... um, well... human...

I won't say much about Breaking the Ice, the episode where the Enterprise stumbles across a giant comet or something in space. And why aren't I going to say much? Because I only caught half of this episode thanks to a problem at university or some crap like that, and because my left hand is really hurting now for no apparent reason right, so excuse me if I'm not in the mood to write... You know, I don't even remember the sub-plot in this episode, although I'm guessing it's the one where T'Pol confides in Trip and turns down her arranged marriage or something like that... In reality, I only remember two things from this episode: the snowman made by Malcolm and Mayweather, and the look on Archer's face when he was forced to ask the Vulcans for their Tractor Beam help. I suppose you can say this episode progressed character development rather well, but I really didn't see enough of the episode to make a full conclusion.

And okay dokay, I'll just be honest here. If any episode of the first season can rival Terra Nova as the worst Enterprise episode to date, it's Civilization, the medieval like episode where Archer and his merry men visit a primitive society and uncover some sort of alien mineral leeching operation or something like that. And besides, my mommy told me not to say anything if I've got nothing good to say, so I'll keep this brief and, um, brief... I don't remember much from this episode, but there was one thing that I was pleased about. The use of the universal communicator was a nice change of pace from the Voyager and whatever days. I don't think the moment will ever work again, but when Archer kissed the girl while fixing his universal translator? I don't know why, but it gave me hope for my own non-existent love life at the time... And the passionate kiss he shared with the girl at the end of the episode? Not only did I get a James Bond feeling, but even though I've watched very few episodes from the original series, Archer looked a lot like James T. Kirk at the time to me. And actually, since Archer hasn't gotten a girl since then, I'd say Civilization had the only true Original Series feeling I've felt so far, even though I have no idea what an Original Series feeling is, besides that old Trials and Tribulations episode... And the only other good thing about this episode? I liked how Archer pushed the wrong coloured button in the alien lab or something like that. It was a light-hearted segment that I thought would work well as a Galaxy Quest moment... And as for the bad stuff, besides all the boring segments and dark backgrounds, I also really hated the final space battle. Sure it was a decent tactic to beam the alien reactor into space and use it as a weapon, but I couldn't stand how Kirk-like T'Pol was ordering around the crew, and I couldn't stand how short the battle sequence was, considering the Enterprise only fired one measly missile at its enemy. I guess until the Romulan Wars begin, I won't get to see a classic Sacrifice of Angels battle sequence, now will I?... oh well, AOL, I guess I'll be reduced to Stargate and Attack of the Clones for the next few years...

And has anyone here played Halo: Combat Evolved yet? I don't know why, but when I think back to the freighter episode, Fortunate Son, all I can think of is cheap first person shooter video games, like Halo and Red Faction or whatever... And when I think back to those FPS games, I think back to the Voyager episode of Equinox, one of that series' rare, decent non-Borg episodes, and one of the few where the enemy of the Federation is really the Federation itself. Fortunate Son tries to play off that same theme, with a rogue captain or whatever only trying to survive, but I just couldn't help but find Fortunate Son to be rather boring. This was perhaps Mayweather's only episode of the year, and sadly, it also was the episode where he showed the least amount of range as an actor. Besides telling ghost stories and feeling all giddy when sitting in the captain's chair, Mayweather really isn't good for much, and it really shows in this episode. His cafeteria talk with the rogue captain, and his comm talk where he cuts off Archer, really weren't anything else than rather preachy and cliche conversations. There was no excellent delivery of the lines, and I'm just hoping that Travis will really get to show his stuff starting off next season... And as for the rest of the episode? Although it was nice to see the Nausicaans back, I thought it was a bit too convenient how Reed's torpedoes could take out three shielded enemy ships, although for all I know, Malcolm could've been bluffing. And although the scenes with the Nausicaan being tortured were a pleasant change of pace, I just couldn't help but shake my head in disgrace at how stupid the rogue captain was, for actually believing a word the Nausicaan said. And the only two decent moments of this episode were, first of all, the T'Pol moment with the children playing hide and seek. Even though many critics despised the Seven of Nine and Newt or Naomi or whatever interactions back on Voyager, I found them to be some of the only entertaining points of that series, and T'Pol pulled a nice Seven of Nine moment here... I just hope she doesn't fall in love with Chakotay too for no apparent reason whatsoever... Anyhew, the only other redeeming moment in this episode was at the very end, with the one and only Commander Keen... or, um, I mean, Captain Keene, during his honest Captain to Captain talk with Johnathan Archer. We've had lots of Admiral to Captain, Captain to Commander and whatever talks over the year, but rarely have we had a real Captain to Captain discussion, and I actually found this scene to be one of the highlights of the entire first season of Enterprise.

And, well... I guess I've been rather pessimistic about the last few episodes I just reviewed, but keep in mind that I loved the Next Generation, simply because it had at least one or two astounding episodes each and every season... And if any episode should take the trophy as top Enterprise show of the season, it's Cold Front, the chilling cliffhanger like episode to end the first half of the season. Everything about this episode was superbly done and far more dramatic than any Star Trek episode since Scorpion, dare I say... Some critics hated how vague Daniels was everytime he talked about the future and time travel, and although I'm sure his cockiness will piss me off sooner or later too, I found it just right in this episode. His proof to Archer that he is from the future, simply because he has served him his favourite eggs every morning or something, was a brilliant touch by the writers. And I was also impressed with the continuity in this episode, a feat never quite remembered by the Voyager writers, when Trip mentioned the potentcy of the Xyrillian hologram technology. The phase-shifting device was a nice Trekkie touch as well, although I won't go into debates why they don't fall through the floors, or how Malcolm could've handed the phase pistol to the phased Archer at the time... Besides those little nit-picks, this episode made me fall in love with the temporal cold war idea, because it merged the innocence of the Enterprise crew with the awesome technology of the Star Trek future. And what's the other things done well in this episode? The talk between Trip and T'Pol about the impossiblity of time travel was extremely well done, simply because it's hard to believe T'Pol is pulling a X-Files Scully and refuses to believe in something right in front of her eyes. And the death of Daniels? I, for one, did not anticipate that he'd be killed off so quickly, because, um, I didn't exactly figure out at the time that he somehow could come back from the grave, either from time travel, or the since he was never really here in the first place... And although I didn't exactly find Silik's jump into the void of space thrilling (actually, it was confusing because how the hell could he survive?), the fact that he was instructed to save Enterprise from destruction was more than just pleasing to my conspiracy filled mind. But the greatest part of the episode had to come at the end, when Malcolm put a lock or whatever on Daniels' door, because God knows what else is in there. It brought a chill to my bones, a ripple down my spine, and that's definitely a feeling I haven't felt since the Best of Both Worlds... I mean, this episode was brilliant... And if I had any qualms or problems with this episode, it has to be with the B-rated movie sequence. Although I found the showing of old school movies rather interesting in the Trek environment, there was just one thing that bugged me to hell... Enterprise is filmed in widescreen, because the producers know the beauty of HDTV and DVDs and all the crap, yet the Enterprise crew were showing a classic movie on the lounge screen in god-awful fullscreen quality? What the hell is up with that?! It's heresy, I tell you! It's widescreen blasphemy! And, uggh... besides all that, Cold Front can definitely take home the trophy for not just being the best episode of the year, but possibly the best mid-season episode since the Sacrifice of Angels...

The second half of Enterprise's first season started out with a bang with Silent Enemy, the episode where the Enterprise is attacked by a, um, silent enemy... Now, I didn't exactly like the design of the aliens. Not only did they look like a hybrid of X-Files Roswell aliens and those robot things at the end of AI, but I hated the fact that they had personal shielding! I thought only the Borg were supposed to have that! I mean, it was bad enough when Voyager was able to take on the whole Borg collective, but please, don't give the Borg's technology away to pointless enemies! And okay, so let me get this straight, this silent enemy has the ability to rig the Enterprise's computer systems, and possess ship shielding that torpedoes cannot penetrate, yet they still require a shuttle to board an enemy ship?... excuse me as I groan over here... But let's put these problems aside. In the end, Silent Enemy was one of my favourite episodes of the year, simply because of one thing: Malcolm Reed... and no, please don't look at me that way... but what I mean is that as great as the Archer-Trip relationship is, I think it's been accidentally bested by the Reed-Trip conflict. Although the final battle with the enemy wasfar  too slow and far too technobabblish for me, all the interactions between Trip and Reed during the construction of the phase cannons were priceless. And although the revelation that Reed's favourite food was pinnapple was rather anti-climatic to me, I enjoyed Hoshi talking to all of Reed's friends and family, simply because I guess the British accent of Malcolm's sister sort of turned me on... but don't tell Malcolm that... and, um, if there's one thing that turned me off from this episode, it's the anti-climatic final. Although the destruction of the mountain by the phase cannons was good, and the alien message made up of Archer's own words was a brilliant idea, it was all ruined by the ease of the enemy ship's defeat, and ruined all because the stupid, pathetic torpedo that Malcolm shot out wasn't worth a damn dime of explosion time on that goddam enemy ship... I mean, like I said before, a stupid US grenade could do more damage than the Enterprise's top of the line torpedoes! Where's the nukes? Where's the damn fusion bombs, or at least have something with a little anti-matter on the side. They've already shown that an anti-matter explosion can penetrate shields, so why the hell not build a damn photon torpedo prototype or some crap like that?... and, oh, don't get me started on how pathetic photon and quantum torpedoes have been throughout every single Star Trek series. Is it me, or do little phasers produce more of a boom than entire torpedo spreads that are supposedly capable of blowing apart entire planets?... or is it just me?...

And okay, while Cold Front takes the cake as the best episode plotwise, I guess I have to give the best characterisation award to Doctor Phlox for his awe-inspiring performance in Dear Doctor, the episode where the Captain must decide whether to save a whole race from a genetic virus or allow evolution to run its course. This episode had everything when it came to Phlox, starting with his relationship of respect with his human friend now on the Danubian homeworld, and all the way to his talks with Elizabeth Cutler and his advice to Captain Archer. And hell, even Hottie turned Hoshi had a brilliant moment in this episode, when she had a dinner chat with Phlox in Danubian halfway through the episode... And the true beauty of this episode? Throughout the entire season up to this point, Phlox has looked like the next Neelix, always being cheerful, always being positive and one-dimensional. But this episode truly let us see the real side of him, and even I was surprised when he told Cutler that he has multiple wives back on his homeworld. Everything about this episode was done brilliantly with respect to Phlox, and sadly, that's why I've really got nothing to write about this episode. I wasn't impressed or excited when the doctor found out about the evolutionary change happening on the planet, simply because the plot-points of this episode paled in comparison to the excellent work acting done by John Billingsly, if that's how you spell his name. And the final decision where Archer goes against his better judgment and decides not to help the race with the disease? It truly stood out as a unique moment, especially after Janeway, Sisko, and Picard seemed to find a way every episode to solve every single problem they encountered... And unfortunately, since this episode, Archer has gone the way of the past series  and stuck his nose into every other culture's business. Dear Doctor was the only episode that truly exemplified the Prime Directive which none of Archer's successors would ever uphold. Hell, I'm surprised Janeway didn't go around, telling every culture that their Bible was all wrong or some crap like that, especially after all those Leonardo da Vinci segments... However, I'll finish on this note: that I'm eagerly awaiting season two to see if the Enterprise writers can ever top a controversial episode like this one.

And speaking of controversial, I just read a forum post where a guy was bragging how his wife was drunk enough one night to sign her name on a piece of paper that stated she would buy her husband a Nintendo Gamecube the next day... and, um, not only was I turned on by the purchase of the extremely hot Gamecube, but I couldn't help dreaming of having a wife like that in the future, one who wakes up with a hangover and keeps her word... actually, I'll go right now for any girl who wakes up and smiles at me in the morning, because I don't think I've ever had a girl smile at me in the first place, but that's besides the point... and, um, I don't know why I just wrote that, because God, my fingers are getting tired at this point, and I've still got something like ten episodes to write about...

Anyhew, there wasn't anything good about the Klingon episode, Sleeping Dogs, and actually, I guess I shouldn't comment much about it since I missed about a third of the episode... Basically, this episode tried to be a pivotal moment for Hoshi after Fight or Flight failed rather miserably for her. Her moment with T'Pol's little mind control tricks worked decently well, and I could tell that Hoshi was going the way of space maturity as the space-sick Ezri Dax had done (or after) before her, but Hoshi still hasn't had an effective episode in the series yet. Sure, she has touching moments from time to time just like Mayweather, but when the spotlight falls on her, nothing much seems to happen... The only other thing of note in this episode was Reed's excitement when he first heard of the photon torpedo. I've always been a fanatic of futuristic weapons, and if I found photon torpedoes just sitting on a ship, I would've fire them with glee, even if I had no reason to fire them except to feel the shockwave impact... and you know, sometimes I wonder why Archer bothers to tell Reed to ready the weapons. Knowing what kind of guy Malcolm is, I bet he never bothers to disarm the cannons... And although I love the humour the writers put into Trip Tucker, I can't help but find myself relating more to Malcolm Reed. I may be attending university to become an engineer, but I'll always be a photon torpedo specialist at the heart...

And no, I'm not going to write much about Shadows of P'Jem, because I really must've had a lot of homework at the time, because I can't remember watching the entirity of this episode either. There wasn't much to this episode anyhew, so let's see here... Archer gets captured for the thousandth time this season, and gets demoted to being the ship's steward by T'Pol in the process... Trip and Reed mount a rescue operation, only to fail yet again, and be captured by the Andorians yet again... Archer and T'Pol had a nice moment in the "loveshack" scene, where the Archer is lucky enough to fall on the Maxim's girl's bosoms, but I would've preferred if it was Trip in the scene, especially after all the bonding he's done with T'Pol in the decontamination chamber. And if there was any high point in this episode, it's the nice continuity from the Andorian Incident. Although it's kind of weird counting how many characters Jeffrey Combs has played throughout the many Star Trek series, he always manages to give a brilliant feeling to all the personalities he portrays, and it's no different in this episode. Although his scenes were limited, the moment where he tells Trip that he hasn't slept well since Archer gave him the observatory plans back at the sanctuary was an honest feeling moment that has given me insight as to how these Andorian terrorists could actually join the Federation of Planets. And besides, after seeing Combs in such barren faces as Brunt and Weyoum back in his DS9 days, it was a nice change of pace to see his little antennae swerve around in the dark... And oh, by the way, I laughed at the sequence where the old Vulcan blasted through the wall and started taking out terrorists, one by one. It was all so... um... I don't even think there's a word to describe it, next to the Yoda Episode II fight that is... The only thing more hilarious is if Captain Picard went one and one with Kathyrn Janeway or someone invincible like that...

And okay, while I praised Dear Doctor out of critical necessity a few paragraphs ago, in truth I have to give my favourite characterisation episode to Shuttlepod One, the beloved episode where Trip and a drunk Malcolm go toe to toe in the depths of space. Some critics disliked this episode, simply because it showed off too early in the episode that Enterprise hadn't been destroyed, and some critics criticized how close-minded Archer was for not accepting the Vulcan theory on mini black holes. But on the bright side of things, I loved every single scene that my two favourite Trek stars, Trip and Reed, had together in that shuttlepod of theirs. Although many Trek fans were disappointed that Reed was not ambiguously gay, I for one found it funny how he of all people is the one with an attraction to T'Pol, and that Trip's only response was, "but she's a Vulcan!"... And the fact that both of these men shared the same women back at the academy truly made these two a pleasure to watch. I mean, not only did they act like fraternity pals, but they also had some good brotherly interactions as well. The real alcohol, not synthehol, was a pleasant gift I haven't witnessed since Scotty came back in the TNG episode, Relics. The use of the mashed potatoes to plug the whole in the shuttlepod was a brilliant idea that I could see myself stealing someday in the future whenever I finally earn my engineering wings... The destruction of the impulse drive to warn the Enterprise was a nice touch and a smart move again, although I didn't like how offended Trip seemed at the thought of destroying their only engine. And when Malcolm used a phase pistol to stop Trip from entering the decompression chamber and committing suicide? Sure, it's a cliche moment done to death, but the cold air drifting out of their mouths truly made this scene one to behold. It really did look cold in that shuttlepod... And while some critics blasted this episode for taking racism too far, I found it a rather decent change of pace. World War 3 only happened a couple generations ago, so of course there would be some distinction between nations left behind. This is the only series that the Star Trek writers have an opportunity at juxtaposing the human nature of pre-Federation days with the perfect human nature of later series day, and I for one am glad they're taking the chance while adding a bit of humour on the sidedish, uh, side.

And okay, there's one thing I don't get about Star Trek fans... I personally loved Shuttlepod One and Cold Front, yet my fellow Canadian viewers voted Fusion to be the episode of the year? What is up with that? In case you don't remember, this episode was the one where the Enterprise meets a bunch of smiling Vulcans who try to convince T'Pol of their emotional ways. But as disturbing as they tried to make the mind rape scene, I just couldn't care less. And as for T'Pol's erotic dream, I couldn't care less once again. Maybe I've just been conditioned to this stuff from all that internet porn and crap like that, but having a blurry view and seeing T'Pol naked in bed did not get a rise out of me... However, there were a few decent moments in this episode to note. I found it rather humourous how the jealous Archer was being tossed around by the Vulcan guy, whatever his name was. And the last scene where Archer tells T'Pol he now understands why she meditates each night? Maybe I've just got a bad memory of something, but that was the first moment in the series that I actually cared about T'Pol's character at all. But honestly, the only part of this episode that I truly did enjoy was the interactions between Trip and the, um, plump Vulcan... First of all, since when has it been logical for a Vulcan to get fat?... Secondly, I loved Trip's reaction to Vulcans thinking American football is a barbaric sport. And thirdly, I found Trip's story about the girl in the red dress rather touching to my own heart. It reminded me of not only my high school graduation formal, but also of all those elementary school Valentine day dances as well... But, um... I just couldn't help but laugh when he mentioned the red dress... I just couldn't but picture the Matrix's Morpheus behind him, asking him which pill to take and who is he listening to... Look again at the lady in the red dress... heh... you had to be there... it was classic...

And God, I've been writing for how many damn hours in a row now? I've got to be insane to keep on going with so many pointless reviews that nobody will ever read, so, um, I think I'd better just get it over with soon... Rogue Planet was possibly one of the worst episodes of the season, even though on paper it looked like a good premise. So many times at night I've dreamed of a telepathic, shape-shifting girl who would make my dreams come true, although I never quite expected her to look like a slug in her natural state... But just like it was with the Suliban, all because I dream it, doesn't mean I want to see it on TV! Because this episode absolutely ruined all the hope I had that one of my crushes in life has a telepathic link to me or some crap like that!... Not only was Reed an idiot in this episode by gawking at, of all things, infrared goggles, but the hunters were absolutely idiotic as well, telling lies at one moment and then telling the truth about what they really hunt the next. Trip had no role in this episode, Hoshi had nothing to do besides wear night-vision goggles (which do use infrared, Mr. Reed, thank you very much)... And, um, I don't think I want to say anything else about this episode... Besides the minor revelation that Archer's dream girl was based on a poem, there is nothing in this episode I ever want to hear about again. Period... and oh, about that rogue planet thing with shapeshifters living all over it?... hmm... where have we heard that one before?...

And after watching Acquisition, the return of Neelix and Jeffrey Combs in Ferengi bodies, I was actually pleased at the way the writers were handling continuity with the rest of the Star Trek series. Many internet fans were terrified of this episode, simply because the Federation wasn't supposed to meet the Ferengi until the first season of TNG. And how was the continuity kept? By Archer being dumb enough to not ask the Ferengi for their race's name. And as for the actual episode itself, the real highlight for me was the return of the Ferengi whip. And the return of Neelix in a role that was far more interesting than Neelix ever was (except for the episode Tuvix, which was an episode Neelix wasn't even in) sort of got me laughing at Voyager all over again... Trip running around in his underwear, Die Hard style, was not as dramatic as I had hoped it would be. The final scene, where Trip lures the Ferengi into a vault of a trap, felt too easy and too lame in my opinion, although I guess that was what the writers were going for. The Ferengi are idiots, and always have been idiots, and that was what of the best things about this episode. I guess Combs learned a lot about the Ferengi from his DS9 days, because his character was the best Rom or however you spell it imitation I've ever seen. And as predicatable of a character Combs played, he still managed to make it into a memorable role, and the last scene, where he smiles at finally being the captain of his own ship, reminds me of the best of DS9 Ferengi episodes when Rom finally proves to his brother Quark that he has the lobes for business... And speaking of lobes, this was the second episode with a memorable moment with T'Pol. Not only was her seduction of the Ferengi effective, but her overhearing of Archer's slave-girl comments and her subsequent toying of him with the hand-cuffs harkened me back to the days of... um... well, if she ever wants to keep those hand-cuffs handy, just in case she ever has a Pon Farr emergency, then... well... Trip's always available, running around in his underwear as usual, and Archer sure has a lot of free time...

The next episode on the list is Oasis, an episode that I enjoyed at first until I read all the negative comments about it. Apparently, the whole hologram family dilemma thing has been done in DS9, but I never saw that episode, so it actually did take me a while to figure out that Kes or whatever her character's name was living a life surrounded by holograms. And as for Odo, I thought he acted his character's part rather well, although he was too similar to his DS9 character if you asked me... And basically, while I found that Kes character adorable and all, I didn't feel any real chemistry between her and Trip, just like I felt nothing between him and the Xyrillian way back. I guess in my eyes, he's already struck out twice, because he's definitely no Commander Riker who even got a Q as a girlfriend... and what was with Mayweather? After having a decent introduction where he talks of ghost stories, he suddenly disappears from the plotline? And how stupid could Malcolm be? Sure he's never fought a hologram before, but was it really that obscure of a tactic to fire at the holoemitters on the ground and walls?... and, well... There was one decent thing about this episode to me. Some critics blasted the writers for making T'Pol act like a jealous prom date, but really, as a guy, I just can't wait until her seven years are up and we finally get to see a real threesome on Star Trek... besides Kirk, Spock, and Bones, of course... (I was going to write "Boner" instead of Bones, but I didn't out of respect for the actor... although I just did call him Boner, so I guess I should delete that... oops... nevermind)

And next on the list is yet another bad Enterprise episode. Detained, an episode that took place in a Suliban detention camp, tried to be controversial and everything with respect to September 11th, but it ended up as nothing more than preachy episode where Archer has to be saved yet again... And once again, Mayweather finally gets in the spotlight, and truly shows that either he doesn't care for his role like Wil Wheaton did, or that he simply doesn't have any range as an actor. And as for Colonel Grat... it's nice to see some Quantum Leaping interactions here between the Colonel and the Captain. They truly did look like they had fun on the set, and Grat did show a lot of character as he interrogated Archer as if there was no tomorrow... because who knows, maybe there won't be a tomorrow for the Tandarans? However, none of the interactions with the Suliban were worth noting. They were just standard sob stories about being separated from wives and stuff like that. And the rescue mission at the end was nothing to get excited about. Sure, it was funny how Malcolm got dressed up like a Suliban and everything, but the whole rescue was simply too easy and ended up being rather anti-climatic, even to an episode with no climax whatsoever. The only decent part of the episode that I can remember was at the very end, when Archer finally looked at his own reflection and realized that oops, he had just let a bunch of Suliban out of a detention camp. And just like animal rights activists free lab animals, only to have them die in the wild or be recaptured in a few days, Archer really didn't realize what he had just done... Detained was nowhere as good of an ethical episode as Dear Doctor was, but I have to give it credit for trying. And besides, I sort of did enjoy this episode. I just sound real negative right now because I've been writing non-stop for so damn long, and I'm really getting sick of all the sucking up I'm forcing myself to do! I'm wanna go home! This isn't Kansas anymore, but me wanna go home! Take me to bed, or take me to... um... oaky, now I forget the line to Top Gun, and I just watched the movie yesterday... crap...

Now, don't ask me why, but of all episodes, most critics seemed to agree that Vox Sola, the episode with the web-like alien creature, was one of the better episodes of the year... even though Archer got captured again, even though Hoshi had another one of her non-confidence days, and even though it's dumb how Reed could invent the force field and accomplish what no scientist on earth or Vulcan has done to date... How much longer until the Enterprise crew invent replicators (oops, already have them), cloaking devices, transwarp drive, or even the damn light-sabre!... And yet I agree with the critics, that Vox Sola was an entertaining episode, not only because the web creature was one of the coolest aliens since Species 8472, but because Vox Sola strangely had a lot of good characterisation. Nothing happened much with T'Pol and Hoshi, but it's nice to see some girl chat brewing between the two of them... although, wait, what am I saying? Girl chat is what ruined Buffy for me! Okay, where's that damn delete button so I can shut my mouth?... nevermind... Anyhew, I didn't like Reed much in this episode either, and Trip didn't expand his horizons either since all he did was constantly whine that he's going to die... heh... sounds like fun, and sounds like me on any normal day of the week, but I digress... But I did seem to like Archer this episode, because his fascination with Water Polo is already beginning to make him more multi-dimensional than baseball wielding Sisko ever was... And I liked how this episode purposely made fun of itself. Instead of watching a B-rated movie during this B-rated episode on the fullscreen projection, the crew instead got a lovely view of Phlox in sickbay. And oh, that reminds me. Although the last shot where the alien rejoins its collective was nice, the most powerful scene in this episode was the one where Phlox prevents Reed from torturing the web limb to death. It was Phlox's best moment since Dear Doctor, and I loved the look Reed had on his face when he was beaten down by a doctor he outranked... And lastly, the best thing of this episode was the introduction of the 6th and more 6th crewmen! I mean, just like the Galaxy Quest bible states, a sci-fi show must take a never before introduced crewman and get him killed early on in the episode, usually before the first commercial break, while the main actors escape without a hitch nor scratch... surprisingly though, everyone survived this episode against my better judgement, and that was what made this episode so enjoyable to me. The Enterprise writers know many of their episodes seem like a bad B-rated movie to the casual fan, so might as well rub that fact into our faces a little bit harder, a little bit thinner, and a little bit slimier all at the same time... Get it?... oh, nevermind...

Arggh! If I don't give up at this review crap soon, I'm going to go insane! And yet I'm only at Fallen Hero, the episode with the smiling Vulcan ambassador who's being chased by terrorists for some no-name crime or something. And I'm pretty sure I've already reviewed this episode on this webpage, so I'll try to keep this brief, but there really wasn't much to enjoy in this episode at all. T'Pol had yet another lackluster acting effort. Sure, it was nice to hear that "Vulcans do not have heroes", but besides that, I can't remember a single thing T'Pol ever said. The Vulcan Ambassador was interesting in the sense that she was rather humanized, but I found it rather ridiculous how she neither trusted Archer nor T'Pol with the real reason why she was being chased. And as for Archer, what did he really do but whine? God, he almost sounded like me at times... And really, the only thing that got me interested in this episode was the Warp 5 chase. As much as I love futuristic weapons, I think  I love futuristic engines even more, and even though I would've enjoyed a good old fashioned coolant leak for Trip to handle, the shaking of the ship was good enough I suppose... although that fire Trip had to put out... hmm, I didn't know they still used oil on a Warp driven ship, but okay... Besides all that, nothing much really happened. Archer was faced with a mystery, he solved the mystery, end of story. It was a good filler in show for a week that really didn't have many good shows to watch, but besides all that, it's not very memorable.

And speaking of memorable, I really can't remember anything from the desert story of Desert Crossing, simply because I missed that episode... stupid double-decker episode of the week or some crap like that... So while my fingers are still alive and kicking, why don't we just skip to Two Days and Two Nights, the most cheesy, sitcom-like, and yet most hilarious Enterprise episode of the year in my opinion. By now, you readers must know that I'm a big fan of the Trip and Reed connection, and the swagger those guys displayed while roaming the Risian bar was more than enough to put a smile on my face. And when they chased shape-shifted men down into the cellar, only to get shot in the heart and have their clothes stolen? Heh... I love Trip's reaction to it all. Malcolm said, "They were men!", and Trip justified it all by saying, "Not at first!"... heh... I wish I could write that well, or, um, that cheesy-like... I can only dare to dream... Anyhew, the Mayweather and Cutler scenes were rather pointless. Some critics despised the comedy routine that Phlox was put through (after being woken from hibernation), but I personally found it rather hilarious how over the top his comedy routine was. But then again, I did find the movie, Black Knight, to be one of the year's best as well, so I guess I shouldn't talk... As for Hoshi, as I said, she's going the way of Ezri Dax. While Ezri got Worf and Bashir by the end of her first and only season, Hoshi has gotten an alien from a planet with a name she can't pronounce and has officially became the first officer to have sex on the show. Good job, Hottie... uh, I mean, Hoshi... Anyhew, I found the look on her face to be rather sweet and innocent after she woke up in the morning, but I found it dumb how she just left her alien partner there in the bed just like that... because she's a player... cool... when can I have a turn?... NEVER!... uh, nevermind... And as for Archer, he was the only one with a serious plotline undermining his vacation. I liked his chemistry with the Tandaran woman, and I almost felt bad for him when she, um, sort of left him dead and dying for the vultures and ran out of his life like most woman in my life. And besides, now Archer doesn't just have the Suliban to watch out for, but now he's got the Tandarans hot on his tail as well. And what's really a larger threat to him? A bunch of Suliban shape-shifted to look like women, or a Tandaran male who has a sex-change to get info out of Archer?... Because you never know. It's the future, you know...

And last and thankfully not least is the season finale, Shockwave. And quite frankly, just like Cold Front, I loved everything there is about this episode. Daniels returns and does some very weird Time Travel stuff in the process. Archer's talk to Trip afterwards was way too much technobabble for my tastes, but the ensuing fight on the Suliban cloaked cruiser more than made up for it... I mean, thank God the Star Trek writers finally and actually used real military tactics for a change, instead of just firing phase pistols whenever the crew is in the mood! Not only did Reed get to target individual Suliban with the Enterprise's massive phase cannons, but after a decade of me crying out loud for it, I finally got to see actual grenades used on Star Trek in an actual practical sense! It's damn time they used damn grenades instead of simply running into rooms with nothing more than just some non-automatic pistol in their hand... And as for Archer, I for one loved his mourning stages. Not only was he playing with a water polo ball as a nice touch of continuity, but I couldn't help but side with the poor fellow after he killed about 4000 innocent people... I mean, I whine all the time about nothing, so imagine what I would actually do if I pulled a suicide stunt like that?... And it was a nice touch for T'Pol to be the one to convince Archer to not give up. Who would've thought a year ago that a Vulcan would bother cheering a human up? Except if you've watched the other Trek series that is, although we'll pretend like they don't exist yet just for fun... And, well... there was just one bad thing about this episode: that it was a goddam cliffhanger! Arggh!... It was such a damn good episode, that I nearly pulled my teeth and follicles out when I read that line, "To be continued"... I mean, arrgghhh! I have to wait four damn months just to see how Archer and Daniels can actually fix the plotline and reset whatever the hell they did wrong? Because I know everything will be just fine and dandy. I just want a sense of goddam closure for the season, that's all... And, well... I guess you know the season had you interested and invested, when you're actually praying to the gods that there won't be a cliffhanger... I just hope Part 2 of the episode lives up to the hype Part 1 was able to produce, unlike Scorpion 2... and unlike Best of Both Worlds 2, now that I think about it...

Anyhew, I'm finally done this review so I'm off to do my chores and actually have some freedom for a change. My final outlook of the season I've already stated, but I'll state it here again: that Enterprise shows much more promise than any first season of any Star Trek series I've ever watched. The best episodes in my opinion were Broken Bow, Cold Front, Dear Doctor, ShuttlePod One, and Shockwave, with Vox Sola and Two Days and Two Nights as honorable mentions. And, well, I guess that's it. That's my first ever Enterprise year in review, and was it a success? Absolutely not. I must've bored whatever few readers I had all the way back to sleep... And besides them, it's not like anyone will ever read through this webspage anyhew, so I guess I'm safe from the all flaming, unless I want to flame myself just for no-name fun...

IvanF, Y2kk, the no-name reviewer, June 2002