IvanF's Noname Archived Reviews for the Eighth Season of Smallville (2008-2009)...

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- IvanF's No-Name Archived Reviews for
The Eighth Season of Smallville (2008 - 2009) -

- IvanFian Last Updated: May 20th, 2009
- Notable Episodes: Instinct, Prey, Identity, Bloodline, Bride, Legion
- Best Episode of the Season: Hex

"I didn't mind Arctic last year, it wasn't a horrible way to end the year. But I so wasn't looking forward to Odyssey, the season premiere for goddam Smallville...

"Michael Rosenbaum has left the series? Say what? Why the fuck didn't they beg him to stay? Why didn't they end the show? WTF?"...

Let me say it loud and clear, Michael Rosenbaum was perhaps the only true reason to watch Smallville. Now sure, Allison Mack is always easy on the eyes, but her character has often been ignored, while Lex Luthor was so well developed. Michael Rosenbaum and his television father, Lionel Luthor, absolutely were the best reasons to watch this show. Pretty much almost every memorable episode in the past, save for perhaps Run, has dealt directly with Lex and either his ambitions or his family past. But then last year, the writers killed off John Glover, for reasons I cannot even begin to fathom except that the actor wanted to get the fuck off of the series. And now, after the huge climax at the end of Arctic, the writers couldn't beg for Michael Rosenbaum to even show up for one goddam episode in the new season of Smallville? He was the only reason to watch and now he's gone. Why is the show still running then, really? He was the ONLY person I routinely complimented in my small Smallville weeks in review. Now what?...

Well, at least there's some balance in the universe. While the best actor on the series is gone, so is the most annoying character of them all on television. I know that Kristen Kreuk will be back for a few episodes as a guest star this season, but hopefully that much of her I can stand and ignore. Keeping her as a season regular after the first words popped out of her bitch of a mouth was the dumbest decision ever made by the Smallville staff, and it apparently took them seven years to finally realize their mistake. Michael Rosenbaum was always the person I complimented in my reviews, but Kristen Kreuk was always the person I loathed and criticized and demonized the most. Now that both the prodigal son and the queen bitch of the series are gone, is there even a reason to write my small Smallville weeks in review anymore? WTF?...

Apparently, there is a reason. I wasn't looking forward to Odyssey, I was almost dreading it to some extent. But somehow, the Smallville writers managed to surprise me. There was a sense of honesty, grit, perhaps a bit of darkness, and an almost superhero-ish feel to the whole episode. Having the Justice League there certainly helped, but having Clark Kent mature and realize his destiny in life? I know I wasn't the only one who thought, "finally the writers get it"...

Or do they? There were definitely some spotty parts to this episode. For one, Jimmy the Bimmy made his return, and I was so completely not a fan. Second, I'm not sure if I like having Tess as the main villainous. She may have a decently pretty face, but she has none of the natural charisma or charm or beguiling nature that Michael Rosenbaum used to have. Stepping behind that desk that belongs to Lex, she has some huge shoes to fill, and I just didn't get the kind of impression or aura from the actress that she was ready or capable of such a role. Hopefully I'll be proven wrong in due time, but then again, I once thought Jimmy had potential on the show. That's probably a lie, but still...

I do like how Oliver Queen was added to the main cast. He was one of the best parts of the sixth season of the show (or was he in the fifth? I already forget), and it's great that he made his return here in Odyssey. It remains to be seen though how well he'll integrate back into the Smallville storylines, especially considering his main rival of Lex is out of the picture. His role here in this episode wasn't very different from what the actor is used to, but I'm hoping there's a lot of new potential for storylines between him and Clark as heroes of Metropolis later on in the season. It seems he has some history with Tess as well, so I'll give the writers a free pass for now, considering I know how badass of a character they made Oliver Queen in seasons past...

Chloe was back and cute as ever, even showing some of her newfound fighting skills in hitting the poor Geek Squad nerd in the face. Now, how the hell she developed supercomputer kinds of processing abilities, whether Brainiac pulled them out of her or she always had them latent except when demonstrating her hacking skills, I don't know. Personally, I feel like this should've been her power in the first place, and perhaps the writers realize that too, considering she wasn't able to use her healing ability (unless that was simply because Clark was not human). All I care about now though, is that I get my Allison Mack fix back every single week. She seemed so happy when she saw Lois and Clark there to rescue her, how could I not be overjoyed as well? Now sure, her sitting in a chair in some secret laboratory, forced to do things against her will thanks to a secret serum, was perhaps far too much of X2 rip-off and far too close to my own fantasies for comfort. But how can I really complain, when it's Chloe back and cute as ever? Except when she accepted the goddam marriage proposal from Jimmy. Yeah, like that's going to end well...

Finally it seems that the writers are giving some sort of justice to Lois, outside of shacking up with the head of the Justice League at least. Last season, except for the parallel universe one where Clark never existed, Lois Lane was ignored for the most part with bit parts and pathetic roles. Already here, she has proven herself more than the past two or three seasons combined, with simply a new hair style and a sassy smirk of a smile at the farm boy we know she'll fall in love with. Now, how the hell Clark got that kind of job without any college education or even a goddam friend up high vouching for him at the Daily Planet, I will never know. But hey, at least it creates some sort of interesting dynamic between Lois and Clark, the kind of which should have been there right from the start. They've lived together, they went to high school together, they fought bad guys side by side, and only now do the writers start to get it? WTF?...

The both of them together, Lois and Clark, show a lot of promise. But we've all seen this kind of potential before, and it's always been wasted on the show, so I still have my reservations. At least though, it gives me a lot of hope to see a Clark Kent here that took more steps in one episode into becoming not just a superhero but a man, than I think he accomplished in the past two or three seasons combined. Really, his father passed away, and yet he stood still. His mother moved away and Lionel Luthor was murdered, and yet Clark still just sat around his farm, brooding over Lana Lang. It was great seeing his parents again in his flashbacks, and it was nice to know that finally Clark Kent was spurred to get off his ass and do something for the world. But haven't we been down this road before, and the writers always pulled back to the same old formula of high school, teen angst? Well, at least we'll get more moments between him and Lois Lane, and far less of those between him and Lana fucking Lang. That alone, is worth the price of admission to the new season of Smallville...

Odyssey wasn't a great episode by any means, but at least it didn't suck. It had Russians with bizarro accents, beating on helpless Clark Kent for shits and giggles, how the hell can I side against that?...

I felt some potential in this season premiere. I felt a newfound sense of maturity to the series that I hope continues from this point on...

But goddammit, Michael Rosenbaum is gone. Say what? WTF? Then again, so is Kristen Kreuk...

"It was only a matter of time until Smallville would revert back to its Freak of the Week formula...

Surprisingly though, as tiresome as the same old plotline may be, Plastique managed to stay a decent episode...

"Clark Kent actually tried to be a hero for once? He actually tried to save people's lives? WTF is this, an actual Superman show? WTF?"...

Last week, I already expressed how shocked yet pleasantly surprised I was, that Smallville as a series seemed to be growing up. It was a huge loss that Michael Rosenbaum decided to leave the show, but apparently it was an even bigger gain when Kristen Kreuk was finally kicked off the goddam series. Smallville this season, albeit only a couple episodes in, has so far found a newfound sense of maturity and respect for the Superman mythos that I don't think we've really seen before. Hell, even little touches like Clark Kent changing clothes in a phone book gave me more of a genuine Superman smirk than almost any episode previously written by the writers over seven goddam years. And I guess, it also helps that Jimmy the Bimmy was nowhere to be seen...

I don't know if I'm a happy camper with where they're taking Allison Mack this season, although I am happy that Chloe is getting more screen time than she did for most of season seven. It seems that Brainiac has done something to her brain, leading her along a darker path, perhaps even towards villainy for all we know. And now she seems to have the hots for everyone's favourite Crashdown, who apparently couldn't take the pressures of the Cylon War and decided to come down to earth as a naked medical man. I don't mind Sam Witwer as an actor, and to be honest, he probably has more chemistry with Allison Mack then Jimmy has had for the past two or three years combined. I'll admit here that thanks to WB's official previews for the season, I already know where this whole David Bloome angle will go in the Smallville universe. I definitely had my reservations when I first heard the news, and I definitely still have the same concerns two episodes in. But considering the best remaining actor on the series, Allison Mack, will be helping poor Crashdown into the fold, I suppose I can let a few things slide for another episode or two...

The other new villain is Tess Mercer, who seems to be based on Mercy Graves (a Harley Quinn type of character made up for the Superman cartoon a few years back). The jury's still out on her, although I do admit that besides being some decent eye-candy, she definitely is played by a decent actress. The only problem is, Michael Rosenbaum helped provide the best scenes in the entire series when dragging the acting carcass of Tom Welling along. So far, I haven't felt that same sort of chemistry between him and this Tess Mercer character. We've been told she's evil and I have no doubt that she will be (probably with some sort of meteor power, like superstrength or speed), but all we've seen of her so far is a short little recruitment speech to little ol' Plastique Freak of the Week. I'm hoping the character of Tess is furthered developed in the weeks to come, but so far I haven't seen much of anything to write home about...

The real reason why I enjoyed Plastique though, was Clark Kent and Lois Lane and the growing dynamic between the both of them. I've already mentioned how the series has seemed to grow up and grow closer to the real Superman comic mythos, such as the introduction of the phone booth and of Clark Kent trying to be the hero that saves the day. But the real mystique that I've felt from Plastique, was the sense that there really is chemistry between the farm boy and Lois Lane, the kind of which hasn't been there since they first introduced her character back in high school. Erica Durance plays banter wonderfully with Tom Welling, and the show has been writing their stuff well enough that I've completely forgotten that a) it should've been impossible for Clark Kent to get a job at the Daily Planet, and b) it should've been impossible a long time ago for this Lois Lane to have done the same either. The only better chemistry on the cast currently so far would probably be if Lois Lane and Tess Mercer hooked up for a night to reminisce about Oliver Queen or some shit like that. Now that, I would love to see...

Plastique wasn't a great episode by any stretch of the imagination. But for a run of the mill Freak of the Week episode, it was surprisingly both fresh and dynamic enough to keep my attention for the first time in years...

That's probably the death knell for Smallville though. Whenever the WB / CW get wind of a show actually written well, that's when they finally axe it. And a couple episodes ago, I would've agreed with their assessment. Michael Rosenbaum was gone, Lionel Luthor was dead...

But now, my opinion has changed. In a heartbeat, in a John Wilkes phone booth..."

I may not be a fan of Tess Mercer, or Mercy Graves, or whatever her name may be. But hot damn, was she ever hot in them Vancouver jungles...

"Oliver Queen got both Lois Lane AND Tess Mercer? Talk about a Mercer Report, hot fucking damn. I need to become a billionaire. WTF?"...

From the previews last week of this being an Oliver Queen origins story, I had high hopes for Toxic. And when it came to Tess Mercer with her tossed up hair, definitely some things did soar high. But when it came to Oliver Queen though, the story just wasn't as strong as I was hoping it would have been. Granted, there's not much a show with Smallville's budget could've done to tell the beginnings of an archer in green tights who got stranded on a jungle island for months or years. But really, couldn't they have shown a bit more than just the guy talking to slugs and shooting a bunch of arrows, as if I could learn to survive on a desert island with no food but hot women without any real effort whatsoever?...

Plus, a lot of the other parts of the episode just felt cheap, and I'm not just talking about the David bloom-lighting jungle set. I mean seriously, Crashdown was bragging about adrenaline as "modern medicine" when it came to curing some random poison? What the fuck does he think the cure for cancer is then, a warm blanket and cup of chicken soup? No wonder he failed at Caprica first aid. WTF?...

As an "origins" episode for Tess Mercer too (and I put that lightly, since we really don't know when or how this island scenario factored into her whole joining Lex Luthor thing), I was disappointed in everything but how sweaty and sweet her tight top was. What did we really learn about her, besides that she obviously gets the hots for billionaire men who have slugs sucking away at his man-nipples? In the present day, she merely killed a man that nobody gave a shit about, then drove away with absolutely the most cheesy license plate I've ever seen. At least from Oliver, we learned that her character most likely is based on Mercy Graves from the cartoon (or Miss Tessmacher, the Amazonian comic equivalent). But besides that, and the fact that she got Oliver Queen pretty pissed off at Clark Kent for that whole Lionel Luthor loyalty debacle, we still don't know anything about Tess, and unfortunately I am starting to lose my patience with novelty. Except if she continues to look as hot as she did in the jungles of BC, that is...

Toxic turned out alright from the other usual suspects, namely Chloe and Lois Lane whenever they dragged along Clark Kent for the ride. Unfortunately, they were just a small part of the episode, with Chloe flirting away with David Bloome while Jimmy was nowhere in sight, and Lois Lane was getting the emotional support from her new work partner while getting to stare at the suddenly slug-less pecks of her old lover. Really, what else can I comment about the three? Chloe's story got moved a bit when she revealed her newfound powers to Clark, with dumb old Kent suddenly jealous that he couldn't read nearly as fast (I'm surprised that dumbass is literate at all). Besides that though, this episode was built on the idea that Oliver Queen's backstory could keep it afloat on the island, but except for his confrontation with Clark at the end about fear and justice, Toxic seemed more like poison than a goddam gift to me...

Of course, I personally wouldn't mind if Tess Mercer and Evangeline from Lost got stuck on an island together, with only each other for warmth during the fiery, harsh and stormy nights. But since that's not what we got, as what we saw instead were gratuitous shots of Oliver Queen trying to replace Tom Welling if push comes to Michael Rosenbaum shove next year?...

Yeah, sorry. Some teeny-boppers may be happy, but it was all rather toxic to me. Hopefully the next episode will get back on track. Otherwise, shoot me up with some goddam adrenaline already...

"Alright, I admit, my first instinct was to turn the channel. I'm just happy that I didn't...

Smallville is not normally known for having good, kinky episodes. I mean, I remember being turned on by Chloe wearing nothing but a football jersey one year, but besides that, has there ever been hope for romance or sex on the series whatsoever?...

This season though has certainly been something out of this world, at least by Smallville's standards. I never thought an episode based on Maxima in the Smallville universe would work with the current writers on the show, but apparently this eighth season helps make it all happen in a way that doesn't turn me off women forever in my goddam life...

"Hot damn at the chemistry not just between Lois and Clark, but Chloe and fucking Tess. Seriously, what is with Chloe and her ability to look hot with any woman? I want that power. Hot fucking damn, WTF?"...

The passion between Chloe and Tess, you could cut it with a knife and shoot it as a porn video. Seriously, the stare the two of them shared was more intense than pretty much any romance ever in the history of this series, and I would gladly continue watching season eight if the two of them ever got together. I mean, if Chloe's new powers are any indication that there's a part of Brainiac in her somewhere, then certainly he himself wouldn't mind some of that Tess action? Besides that, I don't really remember what Chloe did in this episode except spout off random comic book knowledge of Maxima, pretend like she doesn't still feel something for Clark Kent, and prove once more that her relationship with Jimmy is nothing more than a farce. At this point in time, I'd much more believe that she would run away with Tess than anything else. And that certainly would make the eighth season of the show into the best Smallville ever, not like that means much but still...

The real strength of Instinct though was between Lois and Clark. I may not remember many of the scenes they shared any longer, but I do recall the deer in the headlights stare she gave when that elevator door opened with Clark all over Maxima. And really, for maybe the first ever time since the first season she was introduced, I didn't see Erica Durance in that hallway but rather Lois Lane, the real character meant to be the soulmate of Clark Kent. It was uncanny really as Maxima was right, in that briefest of moments you could actually feel the chemistry and bond between both of the would-be Superman characters. And thankfully, unlike all the forced Lana tripe that we got in previous years, the farm house speech at the end of the show didn't make me want to rip out my eyes and ears. Especially in recent weeks, I myself can relate to Clark, wondering if my soulmate would pass me by or that I'd be too blind to notice her, and I felt Lois remembering what Maxima had told her was definitely good use of dramatic irony in that regard. It also helps that we viewers know the future, that these two are meant to be together, and that finally this series is steering on the right track for the first time in eight bloody hell years...

Maxima was a good addition, although it was kind of disappointing that she did not give Oliver Queen a heart-attack or join the Justice League like she will someday. Hey, I'm always for hot looking alien babes who pull a Species and spread them legs for a mate, but I just didn't feel this actress was hot or seductive enough for the role. Then again, she certainly helped lift more than the elevator when she got it on with Clark in the Daily Planet, but I just didn't feel anything else towards her when it came to cheating Jimmy the Bimmy or any other guy. Hell, I didn't even read any lesbos vibes from her when she was with Tess, what's up with that? I did enjoy her one on one time with Lois Lane however, or that smile she gave as the commando team had her pinned down with laser sights. There were definitely some parts of Maxima that made Smallville feel like the immature teen angst series it's always been known for, yet there were also moments that reminded me of the more mature kind of comic book fun that films like Iron Man bring to the fold. Instinct really was simply a fun episode that I enjoyed for the hell of it, brain cells be damned...

The only thing I'm worried about is that Tess Mercer has so far been shown to be a very weak villain. Now sure, it's nice she's picked up from Lex the concussion count that all us viewers were keeping track of, but getting her knocked out like a rag doll really isn't the best way to show her villainous stuff. Kick-boxing was rather kick-ass, if only to prove that this was Mercy Graves that we were dealing with her, and I do like her sense of loyalty and conviction towards the nemesis of the man of steel. However, getting her ass kicked and then losing the Kryptonian crystal just wasn't very badass of her to begin with. Now the question is, who is the real villain of the season? Was "X" really Lex Luthor behind the scenes, Chloe with schizophrenia, or Professor X showing the Smallville writers how a comic book series should really be done?...

Instinct was just smart, stupid fun. I enjoyed this episode if only because of Lois and Clark, and if only for Chloe and Tess and the dreams that may come. Tom Welling has really improved this season, and I'll definitely give him credit for that. I like how the writers have made him proactive, I respect how they're trying to make him a hero. I could do without more of the Chloe and Clark angst, as the letter from way back in season one may have been a nice nostalgic touch but seems so out of place in the new season after all these years. I could also do without more Jimmy, that goes without saying as well. I can however, ask for more scenes between Clark and Lois in the episodes to come, as that really seems to be the pillar that's driving Tom Welling into being a far better actor that he was last year. His banter with her is great, and it's helping Smallville Season Eight to be the first damn year of the show that I can actually not be so embarrassed to admit I watch to friends...

I admit, my first instinct this season was to run far far away, with Lex Luthor gone and Lionel Luthor nowhere on the show. But sometimes I guess, instincts are wrong...

"It may be the last season of the series, but somehow I find myself committed to it week after week...

"A kryptonite watch? Seriously? A Saw V rip-off working in a fine jewelry store, chooses a puke green rock as his Rolex? WTF?"...

Okay, so maybe the villain of the week wasn't exactly up to par. But in all seriousness, while I expect plenty of fans to have left the series as soon as John Glover and Michael Rosenbaum left the show, I kind of feel bad for them. I mean, it may have taken seven horrible years of sin and pain and punishment to have gotten to the point where we are, but finally Smallville as a series has grown up to be a decent step-in to the real Superman. Committed wasn't a great episode by any means, but it continued the great banter between Lois and Clark that we got in Instinct last week, and you could even feel real chemistry between Tom Welling and Erica Durance as well...

I wasn't a real fan of the electric chair scene, kryptonite watch and all (and since when has Clark been able to fight back at point blank range when there's that fucking meteor rock on his lap?), but I won't deny that there was a connection between the both of them when Lois admitted her feelings for Clark. The rest beauty of this episode though was when the two of them were pretending to be a couple, to weed the villain of the week out. It was just a string of simple scenes together, of Lois trying to be all sweet and adorable while Clark was rolling his eyes in the background, but somehow the comedy and the banter worked. I can't help but admit I was smiling a wide Superman grin when Oliver Queen had that mystified look in his eye at the both of them looking for an engagement ring. It was all so stupid, yet well enough written that it really did feel like Smallville was growing up to be the true tale of Metropolis...

I didn't care for much else in the episode though. Oliver Queen's scenes with Tess weren't nearly as hot and seductive as I was hoping they would be, as their little Donatello-bo stick fight was poorly choreographed and not nearly playful enough to matter. I already forget what Chloe did all episode, probably because she was stuck by Jimmy the Bimmy's side the whole night through. I guess I Saw the handcuffs coming, and I suppose some of their electric chair moments were decent enough if not electrifying. I was surprised even that the both of them were released by the psycho of the month, but nothing about their storyline really rang true to me. It's obvious that Chloe and Jimmy are not meant to be together, and his horrible reveal of a "secret" (of his parents being bums) was one of the most grating moments of Smallville since Lana last left the show. For the first time really, Chloe was meaningless to me in an episode, and it was the core of Lois and Clark that meant something to this small Smallville review of mine. Seriously, WTF?...

Like I said earlier, it may have taken over seven fucking years of this series to grow up, but finally I find myself committed once more...

Was it worth the wait? Hell no, probably not, considering this series sent me to hell and back for seven fucking years...

But what can I say? For one year at least, when asked the question, I think I'm in love..."

"Wow, I never thought I'd actually be anticipating a future episode of Smallville, but Prey somehow helped to make that happen...

"Ben is Glory, and Glory is Ben... Now, do we think there's some sort of connection between Ben and Glory? How about Davis and Doomsday? WTF?"...

Ha, I couldn't help but be reminded of Buffy Season 5 when it came to this whole Davis Bloome thing on Smallville. Here we have pretty much identical scenarios, with an absolute god-like beast hidden within the seemingly benign form of a male nurse or doctor. The thing is, while you could almost argue that Smallville was ripping off its old Joss Whedon counterpart, I can't help but froth in anticipation of the inevitable battle between Clark Kent and Doomsday. Now I'm sure the fight will be rendered impotent thanks to the budget and writers on the show, if the past has been any indication, but Prey definitely gave me hope that big things are coming our way anyhew. Doomsday is the only character I know of to have critically wounded Superman without the use of some lame-ass magic voodoo, so how the hell can't the DC fanboy within me be hoping that the two have a classic bout later on in the season, perhaps even in the Smallville series finale?...

Prey was a set-up episode all the way through, and thus didn't have much content of its own. But the atmosphere of the episode was undeniably one of the best and most chilling I've ever experienced from Smallville before, and I never expected this from a series that was so juvenile and teeny bopper feeling before. I almost felt terrible for Davis when he started to realize that there was a monster inside of him, one capable of murder and destruction beyond anything he can believe. I've never been a fan of the actor, but he definitely did a convincing job here of conveying fear that he was the killer behind all those gruesome deaths. I could do without his angsting over Chloe, but even that felt a lot more tolerable than his earlier days as Crashdown. And if indeed the writers are going to go with a Ben and Glory sort of deal from Buffy, that should mean that Doomsday's only weakness is his human component. Clark Kent would never kill an innocent man, but someone else could definitely cross that line, whether it's Chloe Sullivan or even Lionel Luthor back from the grave...

I was also impressed at how Clark Kent was finally embracing his destiny and proactively trying to save the people of Metropolis. Some of his scenes with Chloe felt far too out of the ordinary though with his newfound obsession, as Clark has never been the type of guy to ignore his close friends in the past, and I'm not sure if I liked how badass he was trying to be with stealing the names of the meteor freaks that had trusted Chloe with their identities. Part of me was convinced that this conflict between Clark and Chloe was far too forced and out of left field, but at the same time, it was a long time coming. Just like with Buffy season four, a rift did start forming between the both of them as soon as college started, but it seems the writers had completely forgot about that element up until this season. Now, Chloe is getting married while Clark was embracing his greater destiny, so it's only natural for their agendas to eventually collide. I'm not sure if I enjoyed the spat between the both of them, but I will admit that it was well acted by both parties and decently well written, which was probably a first for the Smallville writers when it comes to actual angst...

Prey was a set-up episode like I mentioned before, but for what it was worth, it had a lot of strong characters and a lot of decent dialogue. I was especially impressed at Martian Manhunter's return as a Metropolis Police Detective, as he really was a sage and wise voice that reminded me of what Jor'El should've been at the Fortress of Solitude. Definitely a lot has been missing from this series since Jonathan Kent was kicked off the show, but having the Martian Manhunter there helped heal the rift just a bit. Even Jimmy the Bimmy in Prey wasn't that much of a nuisance, although it was helped by the fact he got choked out by the freak of the week, shadow MWAHAHA guy. Jimmy was exactly who he should be in the DC comics world, a guy who idolizes the saviour of Superman but is willing to do anything to figure out his secret identity. That's what I'm liking about this new season of Smallville, that even if Lois Lane isn't in every single episode, life at the Daily Planet really is starting to resemble the DC universe that we know and love. Sure, having Mercy Graves in charge in Smallville or having Doomsday stuck in some loser BSG pilot's body may go against the canon of the comics, but the feel and atmosphere of these stories really does feel true to the spirit of the source...

Prey, in all honesty, may lead to nothing more than another lame ass episode in the future where Clark and Doomsday only connect on one slow motion Matrix punch. But until that disappointing day arrives, I personally thought Prey had one of the best atmospheres that any Smallville episode has ever had. Just the sight of the crucifix at the end was enough to make me want more...

For once, I am Smallville's bitch. For once, I am Smallville's prey. What the fuck is wrong with me?...

Ben is Glory, and Glory is Ben... Davis is Doomsday and, I actually like Smallville? Seriously, WTF?...

"Wow, can it be? After seven years of torture, has Smallville finally found its purpose, its meaning, its identity? WTF?...

"Clark loves Lois, Lois loves Clark, and Chloe is hot enough to cause a heart attack. What is this, an actual show based on Superman? What is this, a series I'd actually watch? WTF?"...

Really, Identity wasn't just one of the best overall episodes of Smallville ever made, but it provided for the series a newfound identity that actually made the show feel like a worthy counterpart to the root comic material for the first time in ages. I couldn't help but smile a slick little grin when Clark was zipping up Lois' dress, only for her to smile in return when her memory of the moment was revisited. I couldn't help but wince away along with Clark when Lois made her promise to unmask the good samaritan of a hero in Metropolis, exactly as her character should have been doing since the start. Hell, even Jimmy the Bimmy was tolerable in this episode, actually growing a brain long enough to realize that Clark Kent constantly disappearing in a blink of an eye might have something to do with that blur he caught on camera. Of course, he reverted back to his dumbass self when he forgot that there could be more than one frickin' hero in Metropolis, but whatever, that's the Jimmy Olsen we know and actually don't mind from the comics...

There were definitely a few weak links in this episode, don't get me wrong. I still see nothing threatening from Tess except a pretty face that has a lot more hair than Michael Rosenbaum ever had on the show. It's just not working for her to be some badass evil slut, and perhaps the writers should retool her so that instead of being Lex with breasts, she's more of a villain in a moral shade of gray who simply does wrong things against her conscience from her love for Luthor. And on the flip side of the rich and powerful, I just didn't feel anything for Oliver Queen in Identity, except for perhaps those three fine ladies he was pimping and feeling out on his jet. Justin Hartley is a decent actor as the Green Arrow, but he still is missing that extra emphasis when it comes to his acting as Oliver Queen. I didn't connect with his story here at all, as he seemed like a poor man's Clark when it came to his emo-ranting and whining about his parents being killed off by Lionel Luthor. He did earn some points when he donned back the Green Arrow costume, but I still couldn't help but cringe when he just didn't seem believable in his talk with Kent afterwards...

Gotta agree with Clark on one thing though. The cape looked ridiculous. And it shows something about Smallville genuinely connecting to the Superman mythos and its audience, when even I got a chuckle at Oliver's suggestion that Clark should try the outfit on sometime...

What can I say about Smallville this season? It's provided a full 180 degree turn from the last season, which had no direction or character development of any consequence whatsoever. Yet this year, here we have a Clark Kent who isn't brooding about his bitch of a love life 24/7, but rather going out and saving people, hoping for absolutely no fame or glory from it whatsoever. Here we had talks between him and Chloe about having a secret identity, of bringing hope to the masses, of Clark Kent's destiny finally manifesting true. This is the Superman we've been waiting for, so why has it taken eight frickin' years of Smallville to finally get to the point that the producers promised when the series was first conceived? When it came to all the little touches in this episode, from Clark's jealousy over Lois' date or simply the talk Chloe and him had about loyalty and secrecy, I really enjoyed Identity probably more than any other Smallville episode overall since Run. Ironically, it was Bart Allen from Run that would've made a much better "alter-ego" for Clark at the end, saving Jimmy the Bimmy's lowly ass, than anyone else. That would've finally brought the series full circle, and back to the point where I thought Smallville had a lot of hope all those years ago...

Like I mentioned before, even Jimmy had his moments, although I don't get how Clark Kent would be too stupid to blur his way out of the building before "speeding" Jimmy could even get through the front door. Chloe though was the real X-factor of this episode, or should I call her "Chloiac" from now on? Was it really her in charge of her faculties and actions when she knowingly sentenced that meteor freak to either a coma or death? Did she really do it for Clark, or did she commit murder because those nanites in her brain told her to do so? It's going to be an interesting season from here on in, just when I thought her wedding to Jimmy would bore me to tears. Though seriously, does she even need Brainiac's mental powers to kill a man on sight? Because wow, if just touching her arm could make a man overload, just imagine if she went all the fucking way. It would certainly be the way I would prefer to go out if given a choice, no doubt...

Identity wasn't merely a good episode, in the same vein as all the other decent episodes of this season of Smallville have been. No, this episode was actually the cornerstone, a rock and foundation, that we wish the show had been built upon all those years ago...

I haven't felt this excited for the series since... well, ever, actually. Seriously, WTF?...

The only thing more exciting, would be Chloiac touching me somewhere private too..."

"I know I've said it before, but before a certain somebody comes back to ruin things in November sweeps, I've got to say it again. This season of Smallville has been absolutely the best and brightest year for the series so far. I can't help but remain impressed, time after time, week after week, that such a shit show has suddenly managed to become decent and relevant, and Bloodline was certainly no different. WTF?

"So, that's where Kara was this whole time? Hot and sweaty and helpless and alone? Wait, how then is the Phantom Zone a bad thing exactly? WTF?"...

Alright, so Bloodline wasn't the greatest episode worth sacrificing your blood kin for, but it starred the return of Kara Kent, which definitely earns a couple thumbs up and something else from a guy like me. She was mostly wasted last season, yet still overshadowed most other characters with her hots and personality until they turned Kara into a complete blonde of an idiot by season's end. Here in Bloodline, it was nice to see that she had enough respect for humanity to not screw over the people of earth simply for her freedom. Of course, as soon as her darling cousin comes back into her life, she becomes an idiot all over again and leaves in search for some bottled city of Kandor. I enjoyed her return, if only because the primary colours look so damn hot the way she wears them. A lot of little moments were rushed or missing, such as her animosity towards the Martian Manhunter or even a meaningful hello from Chloe, but I still enjoyed this episode for what it was worth. I still find it dumb that the writers wrote Kara off at the end of last season, but at least they had the dignity and respect to give her a decent send-off here...

Clark Kent without powers has happened literally a dozen times every single season, but it seemed to be more poignant here in Bloodline than the usual shit. Here in the Phantom Zone, he sacrificed his health and his freedom to protect the cave to get Lois back to safety, and he refused to leave Kara even though she was willing to die for him. It's the little moments in the series that make Clark Kent into the hero that he is, super-powered or not, and somehow I just found it more engrossing here than normal while Lois was complaining about being alien abductees. Of course, then the boy wonder got his ass kicked by said girl with newly acquired superpowers, rushing into the hospital with no plan whatsoever but to make a huge hole in the wall with his carcass. Eh, I could've used a better conclusion to the story, but I still thought Clark proved quite a bit of worth while in the black and winter tundras of the forgotten prison of his people. I wasn't a big fan of the Phantom Zone nor its inhabitants from previous seasons, but I've always liked the concept from the root comic book material itself, and I think the writers did it quite a bit of justice for a short cameo at least in the season...

Lois Lane was once again back on her game with quite a few clever quips and all. Like I mentioned before, I enjoyed her time together with Clark in the Phantom Zone, as something between those two actors now just seems to click. However, Erica Durance's most impressive moments were also probably her creepiest, as her "love" for her son when possessed was strange and foreign in sort of an erotic yet believable way. The script itself was hokey, with Crashdown Bloome apparently now the son of Zod and all that crap, but the actress helped deliver the lines in a way that didn't sound so forced and far-fetched. And besides that, can I really be blamed when I was kind of turned on as she collapsed over Clark on that dented car of theirs? Superpowered fights are kinky, pretty much, what else can I say?...

There were definitely some flaws in this episode, naturally. Once again, Tess Mercer proved to be just a shadow of Lex Luthor, really proving that the show has lost all its appeal in terms of multi-dimensional villains like Lionel and his son used to provide. I did like her brief moment with Oliver Queen (though apparently she can't tell it's him underneath those shades... meh, whatever, it's the DC universe), but the two still haven't built up enough background and chemistry to yield anything more than a slight chuckle from my side of things. Once again, Justin Hartley was kind of the weakest link of the bunch. He just seems distant and generic when going over his lines, as he was completely outclassed in terms of acting when Chloe was trying to convince him to help her cause. Of course, it was a nice change of pace to get his ass kicked by super Chloiac or whatever. And I suppose if there was one moment that sold me again on The Green Arrow, it was his heart to heart talk with Clark at the end of the episode...

As for the real point of Bloodline in the grand central arc of things? So, the writers have now decided that Doomsday will be the son of General Zod, which is an alright adjustment to canon I suppose. And thanks to this, it's inevitable that Davis and Chloiac will eventually get together in some form or another, considering Brainiac was always meant to help out the Zod family in whatever ways he can. While I'm still not sure whether I like this dark twist for everyone's favourite Allison Mack, I've got to admit that overall, I'm enjoying this arc and I can't wait for the inevitable fight between Clark and Doomsday. I just hope we don't lose cute and adorable Chloe in the process, that's all...

Bloodline wasn't nearly as strong of an episode as Identity was for the Smallville mythos, or even as powerful as Prey was for setting up the animosity arc for the season. But once again, Smallville has provided yet another strong showing for the series, and seriously, how many weeks in a row has it been now? WTF?...

I'm sure things will change a few episodes down the road. The writers and the CW have a nasty habit of screwing shit up come ratings time...

"Ah, guess it was inevitable. Finally a misstep or chink in the invincible armour of the eighth season of Smallville...

"I honestly don't remember anything from this episode. Was that Jor'El's doing, or was it really that bad? God, I wish I didn't have to remember Jimmy..."

Abyss wouldn't have been a bad episode in any other season, compared to the usual shit trite that was once force-fed down our throats. But for the current amazing season of Smallville? It was definitely a mistake and misstep, although I do admit it sets up future arcs very well. I mean, it's always great to see more of Chloe, or to see more of Chlovage if you know what I mean. But I guess there was just something so annoyingly emo about Abyss, almost as if Lana was the one on screen somehow, whenever it came to Chloe running around and begging for help. We got a few good scenes here and there with her, but most of them were flashbacks that have nothing to do with the current season arc at hand. I liked seeing little Chloe and Clark back when they first became friends, but there was no real emotional resonance for anything else in this episode. I guess I never really felt the threat of Chloe losing her memories and going emo evil for good. In fact, I felt happy for her that she was actually able to forget all about Lana fucking Lang and Jimmy the fucking Bimmy in her mind. I almost envied her, really...

Clark made a very debatable call at the end of this episode, and somehow I just don't feel he made the right one. Chloe will be in danger no matter what she knows, hasn't he learned that already? Even if she didn't know Clark's secret, that wouldn't have stopped her from getting screwed by Brainiac at times in previous seasons, or getting captured by Lex's minions when it comes to her powers. So what the fuck was with the mind rape at the end, dictating what she should or should not know in her existence? Why not just create a whole new fairy-tale of a life for her then, rewrite history so she becomes a movie star or gets it on with Lois Lane like we kept hoping she would in seasons past? Clark was a decent friend for the better part of the episode, but his decision at the end really came out of left field for the context of the show. He may not want people to know his secret, for both their safety and his own as well, but it doesn't give him the right to play God with people's minds, which is the only thing that a human has in equality with those goddam stuck-up Kryptonians of planets-past...

Besides that, I don't really remember anything from this episode at all. It wasn't bad per say, it just wasn't very entertaining. I don't even recall if Lois Lane was in this episode, that's how empty-minded I feel about it now. Davis was there, being stalkerish and creepy as always, acting out how I wish I could be with the cute girls I've had crushes on in the past. I do admit, Crashdown and Chlovage have a lot more chemistry together than Chloe and Jimmy probably will ever have, and I do like where this season arc seems to be going (where Brainiac is the, um, brains inside Chloe, and he's putting the brawn in Doomsday to form a very literally horny tag team). But Abyss itself was just a filler episode that feels disappointing compared to the rest of the season. In previous years, I would've probably rated Abyss as average or above, but it just doesn't cut it in a season where Smallville has been showing off the potential it had all those lifetimes ago...

"Wow, is this the first time I have ever been impressed by a Smallville November sweeps episode? Is this the first time I have ever been left satisfied and hoping for more after a goddam Smallville winter cliffhanger? Has this been the first fucking season of the series where I actually want there to be another fucking year? WTF?...

"Doomsday on a Smallville budget actually looks... respectable? I actually like an episode with... Lana fucking Lang? Seriously, it's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine?!? WTF?"...

I don't use the word "epic" much for Smallville, but that's exactly how Bride felt. So often, I've been let down by television shows dealing with marriage, but Smallville literally took the cake. Now sure, they ripped off a few cliff notes from Cloverfield, minus the slushie and weird Star Trek ads. But for the most part, the ambiguity from the short camcorder clips that we saw helped develop the suspense for the big showdown at the end. And although the fight was merely a tease for what's to come, I can't say I walked away disappointed. Clark absolutely got his ass kicked, first by a man made of stone and next by a literal rock, and I couldn't have been happier. Hell, even Jimmy the Bimmy put up a better fight than Superman did, and strangely enough, that felt appropriate considering who they were fighting against and that this was Jimmy's big day. For the first time in almost an eternity, I didn't mind the annoying as hell photographer one bit. Sure, maybe that was helped by the fact I laughed my guts out when he had his ripped out from his stomach, but hey, any positive reaction is better than the usual...

The simple fact that a low-budget television show made a plastic suit actually resemble the threat known as Doomsday was amazing enough. But the other fact how I actually enjoyed this episode despite the fact that Lana fucking Lang filled the headlines with her ranting and whining? Wow, what has the world come to, who would've ever thought? But it's true, there was a huge emo-elephant hanging in the room, and I didn't mind her scenes with Clark to get that old baggage finally out of the way. Can it be guaranteed that I won't hate her for the rest of the episodes she stays on the show? Absolutely not, but at least it helps that her new hair style is a lot more beautiful to me than her old one was. And besides, it's just standard decent television to break up the true love between Clark and Lois for the old flame bullshit known as Lana Lang. We're meant to somewhat hate her in this plotline, similar to when she was a bitch working with Lex Luthor. And if anything, Kristen Kreuk actually does well in this kind of role, even going so far as to give us comic relief with her Chun Li routine there. I didn't love her performance whatsoever, but for the first time in the longest of whiles, I actually accepted and even appreciated her goddam existence. WTF?...

Clark Kent's best moment was when he was too dumb to even try his superspeed against Doomsday, but he definitely had a lot of decent moments as well when it came to Lois Lane. The both of them are finally showing the kind of chemistry I saw in them when Erica Durance was first introduced onto the show, and it's about damn time. It wasn't just the near kiss between them that actually had meaning, it was just the way they actually looked at each other when she was walking down those stairs. There was more passion and more feeling in those scenes than Clark ever had with Lana Lang, and I've got to say that I really appreciate how the writers have gone down the path of Lois and Clark. Even the little moments off to the side, like Oliver Queen consoling Lois Lane about her deep feelings for the man of steel, gave a real sense of "Superman" to this episode that I really honestly enjoyed. Sure, we had some weird, non-canon event of Chloe Sullivan marrying Jimmy the Bimmy of all morons, with Doomsday crashing the party long before the death of Superman. But there was just something about Lois and Clark here that made Bride feel like a real extension to the comic book mythos, the kind of which I've been demanding for seven long and painful years...

Even though this episode had so many parallel storylines, from Lois and Clark to Clark vs Doomsday, it was also really Chloe and Jimmy's chance to shine. Well, Jimmy didn't shine, except for the blood spewing out from his guts. But Chloe? Wow, especially when it came to the lingerie, she was absolutely stunning. And seriously, Allison Mack seemed so happy this episode, her smile was absolutely breath-taking almost as if she was marrying the man of her dreams in real life. How can I really fault the actress for anything after putting eight of the years of her life into a show that has only now shown any sort of promise? Every single moment she was on screen she was beaming, and I guess so was I. Even when Lana came into the wedding room and made her return, the look on Chloe's face made me forget all about the emo-angst that was soon to come. Hell, just the little touches in Bride, with the way that Chloe looked at him when Clark showed her the flower that he's kept for so many years? There was a lot of thought and work and meaning put into an episode like Bride, and I really think it paid off. Not only did it make the writers look genius, not only did it make Clark not look like an idiot, but it made Chloe look like a true blushing bride. She was absolutely beautiful all dressed in white, even when frozen in ice and covered in nanites. Really, what else can I say?...

So many times in the past, I have been disappointed by an episode dealing with a wedding. So many times in the past, I've been disappointed by an episode dealing with a monster lurking in the shadows. So many times in the goddam past, I've been disappointed with Lana fucking goddam Lang. And so many times in the past? I've been disappointed by goddam fucking Smallville...

But the eighth season of the show continues to surprise and prove me wrong time after time again. For the first time ever for the series, I don't want a winter hiatus, I don't want a break. I didn't want the episodes to end...

I mean, Smallville has been... respectable?... and engaging?... and meaningful?... WTF?...

Seriously, it really must be the end of the world. And strangely enough, I feel fine?...

"It's been a long time coming, and I'm not just talking about Legion after the Christmas hiatus break. I'm also talking about that feeling I have for the first time in almost a goddam eternity, of not being able to wait for the conclusion of a goddam Smallville episode out of all fucking television. WTF?...

But that's the kind of season that the eighth has been to show. Even with the return of Lana Lang, I could not wait for Smallville to return. Seriously, WTF?...

"Chloviac looking hot and horny and possessed as fuck? Count me the fuck in. And was it just me, or did Allison Mack sound so damn satisfied after being 'exorcised', lying helplessly on that table all purring and glowing in the barn? WTF?"...

Seriously, how could I possibly hate on Legion when Allison Mack did a masterful job of looking and scheming and sounding like a horny as fuck Brainiac in a repressed cutie body, while Cosmic Girl from the Legion looked smokin' hot and as concerned for Chloe as two amazing blondes could possibly share? Now sure, there were definitely issues with this episode, like the rest of the Legion acting as wooden as if they were fresh off the acting lessons from Keanu Reeves, and obviously I wasn't the biggest fan of Lana Lang using up any damn screen time. But even so, Legion was a very good episode from start to finish, if only for the fact that Clark Kent received and dished out the true meaning of what a hero means...

I'm sorry, but how could the inner comic book geek in me not get as excited as the Legion did when talking about Superman's future heroics and legacy? And again, how the hell could I not laugh in unison with probably the rest of the crowd, when we all agreed that this Tom Welling version of Clark Kent was as disappointing as the Legion realized he was too. But in the end, the true morals and values of the Superman mythos did shine through, as Chloe was saved not just because the writers wanted to spare the actress, but because the producers finally realized it was time that the Red-Blue-Blur stood for exactly what the Superman comics have always meant towards aspiring comic book readers like me. The Legion was cold and calculating at the start, believing Superman to do whatever is necessary for the greater good, without ever seeming to remember just how much of a golden boy scout Clark Kent has always been. In past episodes, especially when Lana was around, Tom Welling made the worst of the situation by seemingly saving people's lives not out of a greater ideal but simply out of angst-ridden guilt. Here though, he finally took the initiative and felt like a true hero and a true leader. For once, he really did bring out the best in others, even if he doubted himself. And for once, I didn't have migraines from a Clark and Lana talk at the end of a goddam Smallville episode. WTF?...

There were a lot of positives all around when it came to Legion, as it was a well done episode for any true comic book fan. Lana Lang got to hear a bit of her own future fortune, not to mention the fact she had a super sexy and hot lesbian moment between her and that blonde Legion girl all alone in the Isis Foundation. Meanwhile, Allison Mack put in her most stunning evil performance yet as a possessed Chloe Sullivan, and the inflections and nuances she put into her mannerisms and speech compared to her usual character were simply revelatory and off the charts hot. Davis Bloome was the unfortunate recipient of love spurned once more, but even he didn't prove to be useless as the story did make sense that the "destroyer" of earth would have the ability to blend in perfectly with the population, personality and temporary conscience included I guess. Seeing the Fortress of Solitude and witnessing the destruction of Brainiac one last time (for now) in the most sexy of exorcism rituals possible, was exactly the kind of kickass comic book badassery that I had been hoping for from this series for so long now...

Add in the fact that Jimmy the Bimmy was nowhere to be found, and that Tom Welling actually had a strong acting role when it came to mentoring the kids from the future, and then what do you have? Possibly the first ever conclusion to a Smallville cliffhanger that I've ever fucking goddam enjoyed...

This season has certainly been weird and surprising in the sense that it's actually been goddam good. And when you can add in a sexy possessed Chloe, an unbelievably hot telepath from the future, and even a Chun-Li Lana Lang that wasn't that damn annoying for the first time in a goddam eternity?...

Suddenly, I don't feel the need for "small" Smallville weeks in review anymore...

"Nope, sorry, I stand corrected. I thought Smallville was on the right track to becoming a consistently decent show again. I was wrong...

"One half of this episode had Clark whining about right and wrong to the cops. The other half had him confused and angsty towards Oliver Queen. The last bit had him chuckling as a bullet bounced off his goddam 'vest'. This is the Clark Kent we're supposed to idolize? WTF?"...

I don't get how the writers got it so wrong in Bulletproof, an episode that had less moral values and maturity than the Adam Sandler film of the same name. Clark Kent here was a whiny asshole who seemed to only bring others down to his level of morals and conscience by complaining left right and centre off his pedestal. Obviously, we as an audience know what Superman stands for, that life is not about revenge but about rising above it and living as a decent person. The little kid dressing up as the Red-Blue-Blur was a good reminder of that, but the rest of the episode was not. Instead, we as an audience were inundated with boring BBQ after BBQ, slow-ass sniper shot after sniper shot, and an ending with Clark Kent and Oliver Queen all bending over backwards for Lt. Gaeta over in the doctor's office who got to show everyone exactly why he starred in the BSG webisodes this year...

In my last review, I commented that I no longer feel the need to keep my Smallville reviews short. I stand corrected on that front too. There is absolutely nothing to say about Bulletproof, as it was neither an enjoyable episode to watch nor a god-awful terrible one that was affront to my senses. It was simply a boring piece of shit in an otherwise miraculous season of Smallville, and part of the blame rests on Lana Lang's Chun-Li thunder thighs and shoulders. Why the hell would the writers bring her back together with Clark Kent anyhew? If I didn't know she was leaving the show in another couple of weeks for good this time, I'd be throwing shit at my TV in anger. I'm hoping that her departure this time around will truly teach Clark exactly what Lana was professing in the previous episode, when she wasn't just a total bitch of a prick in the ass. The world needs Clark Kent, and Clark Kent needs to be a hero more than anything else in the world. Here, we went back to a small time little cop gig, which would have been fine I suppose if it was only meant to remind us that truly saving a person means to save their soul. But instead, what we got more of was every single one of our own souls dying every single second that Lana Lang was left on screen to kick ass and take merciful names. Where the fuck has Lois gone anyways? I'd even take Jimmy the Bimmy back over this shit. WTF?...

Was Chloe even in this episode? I already forget. Was Allison Mack directing? Either she was given Bulletproof or the next episode, so I don't think she was given much good to work with here. And Tom Welling, must you really have gotten back on that high horse again to talk down and annoy everyone with your incessant ranting and noname whining? Ha, I know I may sound no better on this website of mine, but at least I'm not supposed to be a superhero that the entire galaxy idolizes for centuries to come. Clark Kent was a hero in Legion, and arguably I guess he saved a person's conscience here. But everything just felt so wiped out by that smug and cocky look on his face when he stupidly blocked a bullet with his goddam gut and then laughed about it after. It was like a scene written by a bad anime writer. WTF?...

Bulletproof was anything but what the title suggests when it comes to comments by the critics. After so many great episodes in the eighth season of the show so far, why did they have to mess everything up with such a boring filler? Probably the only scene I could stomach was Lana Lang going all kung-fu on Tess Mercer's ass, and even that was a laughable joke as far as I'm concerned. Sure, I can watch the two beauties go at each other all day, but only because the only sounds I'd prefer to hear from their mouths are grunts and releases of ecstasy...

Smallville should be better than this by now. Unfortunately though, as soon as Lana Lang comes back into the picture? What exactly does How I Met Your Mother call it again? Revertigo? Associative regression?...

... or as we Smallville fans know it better as, goddam Clark Kent angst all over again...

... in which case, I wish I was bulletproof for all the times I've wanted to shoot myself in the goddam head..."

For an hour there, I thought I was back at my boring job from last year, doing absolutely nothing all day. I thought the Toronto Raptors were kicking ass and taking names on their way to the goddam playoffs. I thought my grandpa was alive and well and all was alright with my family. And for an hour there, I thought it was the seventh season of fucking Smallville all over again, all thanks to goddam Power...

Wow, this episode sucked. It sucked so bad that it pulled a Spiderman 3, went back in time, and made the first two Spiderman movies somehow shittier in the process. WTF?...

"It took them eight fucking seasons to come up with the name 'power'? And it took them eight fucking seasons of progress for yet another episode to end with Clark Kent and Lana Lang making out to the sounds of groaning audiences everywhere? WTF?"...

Need I say more? Three fourths of Power was dedicated to Clark Kent acting like a puppy-dog in love with steroids, bouncing about from place to place searching for his chew toy. He was absolutely not the hero that the first half of the season was building him up to be. Instead, he was just a whiner and a confused motherfucker, all angsty and hurt inside that Lana didn't trust him with the fact she wanted to become a psycho bitch with Superman powers all over again. The other quarter of the episode was dedicated to Tess Mercer, who may look hot as hell even when reading from the dictionary in her office, but was completely out of her element as the misguided queen bitch who kicks random baddies in the eyeballs with her high heel boots. I felt nothing for her, even compared to last week when I was laughing it up at her misfortune when getting her ass kicked by Chun Li in the Isis Foundation. Sure, I might end up giving Power at least some props for bringing Lex Luthor back into the equation, but then I remember that Michael Rosenbaum is still missing from the show and that the producers are just giving us yet another Silence of the Lamb bullshit tease here. WTF?...

Then we had the final sequence, with Lana Lang jumping to the rescue with superspeeds and a supercatch of a bullet, proving once again that every single fucking race in the universe but humanity has all the best natural abilities out there. Seriously though, what was the point of Lana getting Kryptonian powers, especially after they kept reminding us (unfortunately) of the painful episode last year when she got to share them with Clark? Wow, so in the last final episode that Kristen Kreuk is scheduled for the show, we'll get more Matrix kung-fu kicks in the air followed by earthquake sex that nobody honestly gives a shit about? Wow, you can honestly tell that I'm enthused as anyone else about the revertigo back to season seven and six and five and four and three and two and bloody hell one. After eight fucking years of Smallville, we were finally having progress, we were finally having change, we were finally developing into the proper Superman mythos that the show had promised since day one, and then Lana fucking Lang steps back into the fold? She was fine for the first two episodes she entered, but now it's like the writers just want to remind us exactly how much better than season has been without her, by proving to us directly just how fucking much we hated her in the first place. WTF?...

Need I say more? It's like deja vu all over again, and not in a good way. The only power that Lana Lang truly gained in this episode, was the ability to make me forget all about the positives that the eighth season of the show has delivered so far, and reminding me of just why I'm thanking the stars and Lords of Kobol that she is only contracted for one more final fucking episode this year...

She makes me feel like I'm fucking back in high school again, when I got dumped by a girl for some random guy off IC-fucking-Q in San Jose...

And to commemorate this event, lest we ever forget? We need not just one, nor two, but three quotes to remember this day of infamy...

Seriously, this is how the writers wanted us to last remember Lana Lang, the dumbass bitch that was apparently too lazy to spend ten milliseconds of her time to check out some giant, glowing bomb thing on the fucking Daily Planet roof? Seriously, you could even see it from outside on ground level with human eyes, it was that fucking goddam green. WTF?...

And oh, how else did the writers want to forever burn Lana's memory into our fucking eye sockets? By making our retinas bleed with the goddam sad ass excuse that she and Clark can never be together because of Kryptonite in her suit (as if Jor'El or a repaired Fortress of Solitude wouldn't be able to fix that). I mean seriously, sure maybe the lip lock turned into ugly popping veins was romantic in some star-crossed, high school emo way, but shouldn't Smallville be past that sort of crap by now (or at least I had hoped this season)? Wouldn't it have been more mature and more "Superman" for Clark and Lana to have left each other by their own choice because they realize they've moved on from one another? Wouldn't it have been more sound for Clark to either realize he had feelings for Lois Lane, or at least realized that all the lies between him and Lana kind of spelled Doomsday for their relationship? Instead, we got more incessant whining and pouting from the so-called Man of Steel, who once again let Lana wear the pants in the relationship in terms of telling him when to stop suckling the bottle. I really had hoped Smallville had grown beyond this kind of emo OC bullshit, but apparently old habits die harder than Doomsday ever did. I'm thankful that Lana is out of the picture, but this was one of the most excruciatingly immature ways for the writers to ever get the job done. WTF?...

Requiem was like a bad dream, even going so far as to pretend like we had Michael Rosenbaum back, only to realize it was some Hannibal Lector of a wannabe who decided to blow himself up. Some have argued on the internet that Lex isn't dead, that either he faked his own death (with a clone or something) or even managed to somehow download himself into Oliver Queen when we weren't looking. That'd certainly be true to character for Lex, but I'm with Michael Rosenbaum on this, that it just doesn't feel like the real Lex Luthor unless we get the real actor back to play the part. I never once felt any sort of suspense in this episode, and I was sadly even rooting for this so-called Lex when he had Clark and Lana making emo-constipated-faces at one another on the goddam roof. It's probably for the best that Lex has been kicked off the series for the time being, considering the Doomsday plotline (and perhaps even Chloe still turning to the dark side) made for a much more interesting season than any previous year before. I do miss Michael Rosenbaum, just like I miss having John Glover on the series. But I was certainly no fan of this foobar Lex Luthor on the series, and I certainly felt no qualms in seeing him get blown up in a random fucking truck...

The rest of the plotline consisted of Oliver Queen admitting to murder (if that was Oliver, I mean), and Chloe pretending like the decision to kill some random meteor freak was solely because of the Brainiac influence within her. I don't mind both characters' turns to the dark side of the DC comics, especially considering both characters had become stale over the last season or so. I just wish their storylines weren't relegated to the back burner of the Clark and Lana Part Deux bullshit crap, as Clana made everyone feel that much worse in this goddam episode. Hell, I felt like I was watching an hour full of Jimmy and the Bimmy yet he wasn't even on the screen once. Why the hell the writers chose to devote all this screentime to Lana fucking Lang while leaving Chloe as just some random girl knocked out by fairy dust is beyond me. Fuck, we didn't even get the requisite scene of Chloe helpless on the ground in the hospital, with that uber hot nurse clutching and begging for her touch. WTF?...

Well, at least Chiara was fucking cute as hell as the uber-naive nurse over there. Really though, shouldn't she be by her husband Ronon's side in Atlantis rather than the random dumbass plot-point in fucking things up? Did she even have a role besides looking adorable and letting the evil fat bastard out of his cage? WTF?...

And that pretty much sums up Requiem as a whole. Who the fuck let the season seven writers of Smallville out of their fucking cages? Who the fuck gave them free reign to write such cock-sucking bullshit as this? Season eight was going so well, and then this episode happened as a sad end and requiem to the goddam Lana mythology that should have never been let out of its Pandora's Box in the first place. WTF?...

Seriously, she couldn't even spot a giant fucking neon, pulsating bomb on the roof of the Daily Planet? Was she as dumb as the writers who thought this episode would be a fucking good idea? WTF?...

I was honestly crying with her when this episode ended. Half out of happiness because Lana Lang was finally gone...

... and half because I must have been as stupid as she was to watch this fucking Requiem..."

"With Lana Lang gone for good, I thought that Smallville would finally get back on track...

... but perhaps due to the infamous bitter Lana Lang aftertaste, obviously I was wrong...

"Clark Kent spends eight years going through hell to keep his secret identity... yet one conversation later, he's living like a rock star? WTF?"

Now granted, I do get the point of this episode. Infamous was meant to prove exactly why Clark needs a secret identity, as the "Red-Blur Blur" seems to have provided on this Smallville series so far. But did we really need such a ridiculous plot here in Infamous for Clark to realize exactly what Oliver Queen and the entire Justice League already discovered so long ago, and what Clark himself has been saying for eight frickin' seasons by now? Public opinion is so often based on fear, and he's mentioned that practically every single week that he's tried to cover up his goddam identity. Yet one little conversational threat from Linda Lake is all it takes for him to fully go public and allow his farm to get shot full of bullet-holes that he himself could have caught with his hands if he wasn't so lazy? What kind of idiot is he? And where the hell was Martha Kent to bitchslap his boy back down to earth? WTF?...

Now sure, there were moments that I did like about Infamous, but most of them belonged to the Lois Lane and Clark dynamic that may soon disappear if the cafe stand-up at the end was any indication. Probably one of the most iconic scenes in the season came when Lois was lifted high into the air by Clark and remarked that she shouldn't call him "Smallville" anymore. After that, there were a lot of scenes shared between the both of them that hopefully will make me forever forget the bitter aftertaste of that goddam Chun-Li wannabe of a Lana Lang. The problem was, the rest of the episode featuring Clark at his absolute dumbest was simply too much for me to goddam handle. Why couldn't he trust Lois with his secret after time was reversed again? Is it because he thought she would oust his secret identity? Because I personally didn't get that impression much myself. Yes, she wants the world to know who he is, and yes she wanted him to stand up for what is right. But I seriously doubt that she would go behind his back and against his wishes to expose his identity if he ever did come out to her again, and obviously both of them felt the emotional positives of at least letting her in on his goddam secret. So why exactly did he stand her up at the end? WTF?...

Chloe was barely in the episode, but Allison Mack can make almost any scene salvageable with simply her smile. I wish she had actually put up a more convincing argument against Clark coming out to the public media than she did, but at least she looked cute as hell while doing so. The series has definitely leaned more towards the Lois and Clark dynamic this season than anything else, and that's a good thing as far as I'm concerned. Chloe meanwhile keeps drifting deeper and deeper into the dark side of the force, first with the Brainiac stuff and now with Davis Bloome. I'm curious what will happen to her character next, although considering how Clark was apparently in too much of a rush to time travel to even wait five fucking seconds to figure out Doomsday's identity, I'm sure that Chloe's days are numbered now that she's not the number one pal in Superman's life anymore...

Infamous had a lot of potential, and it even 'shocked' me at one point when I thought Clark had committed murder near the end to protect his name. Of course, conveniently as has happened a billion times in the past, the person threatening to expose the boy wonder's secret is always killed right afterwards by some random plot contrivance, in this case Davis Bloome. I'm sorry, along with this happy coincidence, I just couldn't take an episode seriously where Clark Kent was too dumb to realize the consequences of his identity being exposed, especially after all he's been through for the past eight fucking years. I couldn't take how the writers' cock-blocked the Lois and Clark dynamic all over again, simply because he's too stupid to trust her with his secret, even though I thought she proved that she'd be loyal to him to the end. And even though I'm not against reset buttons or anything, having the time travel ring from the future as an escape hatch was kind of bitterly grating. Felt like lazy writing more than anything else, if only because there were a lot more advantages to that ring than just smashing it after one bad choice...

Now I'm sure Infamous will go down in history as being very important to the birth of Superman, and that's a good thing...

... but when it comes to the actual episode itself? I wish my own memory could be goddam reset...

"Apparently after smooth sailing though the start of the season of Smallville, Lana Lang's brief return has definitely caused some goddam fucking turbulence for the show...

Now, I guess I won't say this episode was bad, per say. No wait, on second thought, I think I definitely will...

"Wow, Jimmy is so badass. First he gets his ass beat by his wife, then he fearlessly runs a red light to the sound of emo rock? WTF?"

The mile high club between Clark Kent and Tess Mercer was alright, I actually didn't have a problem with that half of the episode. What definitely did go wrong though was, just when we thought we had gotten rid of all the trash on the series (Lana Lang, I'm looking at you, since looks were all you were good for), that's when Jimmy the fucking Bimmy had to make his triumphant return. And wow, what a return it was, having the episode center around stalking Davis Bloome as if we gave a shit if Jimmy had his heart ripped open yet again. Now granted, there were some bittersweet moments here and there, and to be honest, the break-up scene between Jimmy and Chloe as newlyweds was a bit heart-breaking. Or should I say, it was heart-breaking only because I wish the two had never gotten married in the first place. Sure, I feel bad for Allison Mack, but only because she was forced into this ridiculous romance on the series. Was it wrong for me to laugh as she cried? WTF?...

The Doomsday parts themselves weren't so bad, but I definitely could've done without the season seven-esque musical montage crap in the rain. I admit though, it's a somewhat interesting plotline, how Davis is trying to contain the beast within by murdering those who obviously weren't on the right side of the law. His idea of being a good man, of feeling human, runs completely opposite to that of everything that Clark Kent stands for, and from that perspective, I think Davis is a decent character. But I'm sorry, I'm tired of the little high school romantic triangle between him, Chloe and Jimmy the fucking Bimmy. First of all, how the fuck could Jimmy ever win the heart of a girl as amazing as Chloe? Second, why the hell does Chloe still have feelings for Davis when she no longer has Brainiac running through her system? Please tell me she hasn't become as dumb as Clark was in all seven previous seasons, because she must have figured out by now that something was wrong with Davis. Hell, just the episode before in an alternate timeline, her throat was being ripped to shreds by Doomsday, and yet now she seems to be hugging and harbouring him like he's her second chance at a wonderful life with Clark? I'm sorry, but I just don't know if I can buy it. I expect more from the character of Chloe after all these years...

But probably the biggest downside of Turbulence (besides Jimmy being in it, of course) was the fact that Lois was nowhere to be found, and once again the writers were wasting an opportunity to develop the dynamic and chemistry between her and Clark. On the bright side though, besides Allison Mack's warming and giddy smile, Tess Mercer really did look smoking hot in whatever she wore in this episode. Now, I know the writers aren't going to let Clark Kent get together with his red-headed boss or anything, even though technically Lois seems temporarily out of the picture, but I'd be lying if there wasn't some sort of chemistry between the both of them already. Well, personally, I'd prefer Lois and Chloe shacking up with Tess Mercer instead, but since that unfortunately doesn't seem to be in the cards for this series either, I guess we'll have to deal with horrible script lines about child abuse as I simply can't help but stare at how fucking hot Tess' hair looked in the mansion...

Clark Kent? Well, he's an idiot, as usual. Now sure, I guess I can't blame him for trusting such a hot woman who quite honestly, has a lot of the zest and assertiveness that Lois Lane does as well. But why on earth he pulled a Lana Lang and was too lazy to use his superspeed to actually check on the parachute situation, I will never know. How the hell Tess Mercer could even survive in his arms as Clark Kent fell to earth with a giant thud is beyond me as well. And why Clark keeps ignoring Chloe, smiling and staying oblivious to the fact that his best friend is having the worst day of her life (for the week, at least), leading her into the BSG arms of goddam Doomsday is also beyond me. I mean seriously, what the fuck is wrong with the guy? Clark Kent has feelings for Lois, that's great, I actually do like their banter and relationship. But seriously, when a drunken Tess Mercer is begging for your trust and a lonely and desperate Chloe is clinging to your comfort, don't you think any real hero of a man would've fucking stepped up and done the only human thing possible? Should I start calling him Clark the Kimmy or something? WTF?...

I was not a fan of this episode. Suffice to say, the writers wrote themselves through some serious mental blocks and turbulence along the way...

Even so? Please, let this be the end of Jimmy the Bimmy. Please let Doomsday do us all a favour and go Infamous on his ass...

"Wow. I had forgotten the feeling. An actual Smallville episode that put a genuine smile on my face all hour long?...

"Chlois? As in, we got Chloe as Lois Lane, and it was actually good? WTF?... The only thing better would have been Chloe in Lois Lane. Godammit, make it happen..."

I was actually very surprised, impressed and entertained by Clark and Chloe's Hexcellent Adventure. It was a good comedy episode that was great at moving forward the mythology and character arcs of the series as well. In fact, I'd even claim that this was Tom Welling's best episode all season long in terms of acting and character development. He was hilarious as the clueless reporter, standing on the roof of the Daily Planet, completely oblivious to all his acoustic powers. I even laughed when he first picked up the phone to dial 911, even though I figured it was coming. By no stretch of the imagination is Clark Kent a genius on this planet, and the character works so much better (kind of sadly, actually) when the writers use that to their advantage. Beyond all the great comedic timing here in Hex though, I was very impressed how Clark Kent essentially flew at the end with his leap above the tall building. It was a big step up (no pun intended) for the start of Superman, to finally realize that there is purpose to his existence that he simply could not live without. And what made it great was that the whole atmosphere of the episode was both comedic and epic enough, that the moral of the story was subtle for the most part yet still shined through so well...

I would actually argue that this was Chloe's best episode this season, both in terms of Allison Mack and Erica Durance. First, I've got to admit that Allison Mack looked absolutely adorable for the first time in ages (although she was evil-cute as Brainiac in a wedding dress during the writhing, ahem, exorcism scene). And her smile when she finally decided within herself that she no longer wanted the Daily Planet sort of life was absolutely infectious and remarkable. She was glowing at that point, and I'm not just talking about the special effects of the magical transformation. Even though Allison Mack didn't have that many moments on screen as herself, every second that she was there was eventful and memorable. Whether she was blowing out a birthday candle while feeling extra reflective on her birthday (a feeling I honestly do share so damn well with her character every single year), or revving her Bluetooth up to the sound of badass "Over the Watchtower" music, this was perhaps Chloe's best done episode all season long in terms of proper character development and delivery. And oh, did I mention that Jimmy the Bimmy was nowhere to be found? Thank the Lords of Kobol for that...

The biggest props of the episode have to go to Erica Durance though. Now I admit, did I really see her as Allison Mack or Chloe? That's a yes and a no. She didn't really play the body-switch role to perfection, but she definitely had a few moments of pure Chloe-ism, especially when she claimed she wasn't "dwelling" on Tom Welling and the phone messages he answered to Lois. What I will admit though, is that Erica Durance was positively adorable in everything she did in this episode, so much so that I actually prefer this Chlois of hers over the Lois Lane we've gotten for years. Whether it was the patented Chloe lip bite that's absolutely irresistible, or whether it was Erica Durance looking so helpless and confused even when crossing the street a traffic light, there was just something about Chlois here that had even more of a spark and chemistry with Clark Kent than anyone else. I for one wouldn't mind if the writers decided to integrate a bit more of this Chloe feeling into Lois Lane next year, if only to give me a new favourite girl on the block to watch in season nine...

As for the actual starring villainess of the episode, if she can be considered that? Zatanna was very well done compared to what I initially feared in the episode synopsis. In the comic books, she's arguably even more powerful than Superman, considering she can alter reality on pretty much every conceivable level when she's in a good or horny mood. Her timing in Smallville couldn't have been better, especially considering fishnet stockings are finally back in style and they certainly looked great on the actress during the birthday wish scene. Now, do I wish that she didn't make Oliver Queen look like a complete idiot and pansy for the umpteenth time in season eight? Sure, I guess, but the two definitely did share a bit of passion together that Oliver has never had with Lois or even the Black Canary on the show. The phone number scene at the end was probably one of Oliver's best moments all season long, and you could almost feel a bond (or bondage) between the both of them when she screamed out the words, "bound by chains", backwards for magical sake. She did it all with a savoury smile...

I liked Zatanna, and I enjoyed her even more when it came to her chemistry with Oliver Queen. I'd like to see her character come back, especially considering she honestly brought out the best in every single character on the series. Tom Welling became funny, Chloe was confident and adorable, Chlois was absolutely irresistible, and Jimmy the Bimmy was nowhere to be found. Wow, talk about a Hexcellent goddam miracle...

"Well, this is one episode that won't be remembered as the best and brightest for eternity, alas...

"Why the hell is Oliver Queen so inept? He promises to take care of Doomsday's body, then five minutes later, the dead guy shows up in Chloe's basement without anyone knowing? How the fuck is The Green Arrow so fucking lazy? WTF?"

Eternal definitely wasn't all sunshine when it came to the plot. Oliver Queen may have been nowhere on screen, but the stupidity of the character still shines through. And then you have Chloe, who has turned to the dark side of the force for reasons nobody knows. It was nice last week when she put her Lois Lane ambitions behind her and finally decided to dedicate herself to the Watchtower cause. So why the hell did she suddenly turn all Gossip Girl emo-like here again, and get into bed with the one man she knows will probably destroy the world? She just helped him commit suicide, yet she still has enough feelings for Davis Bloome to keep him holed up in her basement and hope that Clark Kent with his super-hearing would never find out? Umm, is there a reason for this besides 90210 angst when it comes to Jimmy the Bimmy being addicted to smarties or whatever sort of drugs? Why are the writers killing Chloe's character? WTF?...

While the overall storyline in Eternal was far from Shakespeare, I still have to hand it to the actors and director. I actually found the plotline to be somewhat believable in terms of suspending my beliefs for a short time (about the length that Doomsday stayed dead), if only because the performances of the cast and crew were actually very strong and dark. I actually sympathized with David Bloome from time to time, as he was more than willing to kill himself in the hope of saving his soul and that of the world. Was I a big fan of the retcon job the writers did, in terms of having Doomsday come to earth on Clark Kent's kiddie spaceship and somehow only be located by Lionel Luthor? Not really sure that I am. But at least I did enjoy seeing Ma and Pa Kent again, even if they were only old skool flashbacks, and the short backstory between the young Davis Bloome and the young Lex Luthor was actually very enjoyable to watch. Now, since when did the Luthor castle actually exist in Smallville all those years ago? Whatever, like I said, the performances in the past were believable enough to temporarily suspend my belief...

Tom Welling did a decent job as well, selling the fact that he really was afraid of what Davis Bloome could do (especially after what happened during Bride). I actually could relate to his character as well in terms of the moral choice that Doomsday was making. I mean, Davis Bloome can arguably be considered an innocent in all this, even if we viewers really do know that his entire personality is just a facade that even he is not aware of. Chloe was willing to kill for the greater good again, and like I said, Davis tried to save the world by killing himself once and for all. Superman is Superman, and he will always see things in terms of black and white, in which the death of a sentient being is never justified. Though strangely enough, he never really seems to bat an eye when every random freak of the week he's captured just somehow manages to be murdered ten seconds later in Belle Reve or jail, but meh, I guess it's not technically his fault then...

I appreciated the moral dilemma that Clark Kent went through, and Tom Welling even put on a believable performance in terms of not being truly whiny when it came to blaming himself for Davis Bloome's childhood. There's just something both ironic and tragic about a boy on the streets becoming a medic in order to help people any way he could, only to find that there is a beast within that cannot be contained. I actually like the Davis Bloome storyline for what it's worth, and I didn't mind the direct parallels to Clark Kent's own path of destiny, even if the writers had to retcon almost everything to get it in, and even if we were forced into an eye-rolling scene between Tom Welling and Tess Mercer, with Clark Kent denying everything about him that was blatantly obvious yet again. Wow, he sure does give plenty of people trust issues...

Ten seconds after this episode had finished airing and right after I witnessed Davis Bloome just popping back into Chloe's basement as if Oliver Queen was too bored to pay attention, I realized all the flaws in this episode and how even Tess Mercer looking hot as fuck in the mansion was not enough to save the retcons and nitpicks of the show. But for what it's worth, I was entertained for about the whole hour through, and I appreciated the darkness in this episode as much as I did in Prey. That's mainly a good thing, or it was for an hour at least...

This was mostly an excellent episode while I was watching. But alas, the feeling simply could not last forever...

And sadly, the only thing that I will remember from this episode for goddam eternity?...

"Stiletto wasn't really a bad episode, per say. It's just that, I would've preferred a story about a superhero specializing in knives, that's all...

"Clark Kent gets his ass kicked by Kryptonite money? Wow, just when you think you've seen it all, Superman makes me shake my head yet again in shame. WTF?"...

And oh, did I mention that Jimmy the Bimmy was back? Not only was he addicted to drugs that were probably placebo candies in the first place, but he also was back as a hero so to speak, saving Clark Kent of all idiots in what was supposed to be the big Superman moment of the series. I'm sure there was some big significance to Clark Kent, Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen all banding together to save the day together for possibly the first time on the series. I just don't know if I can take it seriously however, when Clark Kent is too dumbass to avoid all the glowing money floating around, Jimmy the Bimmy is getting involved in gang wars thanks to drugs to ease the Max Payne pain, and Lois Lane can somehow fall through a three or four story high window without even a scratch on her eight inch high heels or whatever sort of crap. WTF?...

There were moments that the story was fun, mainly between Clark and Lois when they didn't seem to know each other's identities. Probably the only scene that I remember fondly from this episode was when they were both waiting for the right words to be spoken over the police scanner, and it's always great to see the farmboy switch into his Red-Blue-Blur gear in true Superman fashion. I guess Chloe had her moments too, although her handling of molten human flesh at the end was probably a bit too drastic of a turn for her character, especially after seeing that she still is together with Davis Bloome in next week's preview. There were definitely sparks of romance between the lead characters of each relationship, with Clark and Lois versus Chloe and Davis mirroring each other reasonably well. I just wish Jimmy the Bimmy wasn't shoving his way back into the thick and middle of it all to fuck things up, that's all. Why can't Doomsday just finish the job already?...

Is there anything nice that I can say about Jimmy's character? He whined his way through photographing Stiletto for publicity, and making him the next Homer Simpson in terms of drug addiction was possibly the lamest character arc ever written since Willow in the first half of Buffy season six. He dragged every other character down, whether it was Chloe mentioning his Facebook status or Lois Lane feigning interest in wherever the hell Jimmy and his busted camera had gone. If the episode had simply centered around the relationship between Lois and Clark, or even put more emphasis on the fact that he took a bullet for her when he was barely as strong as a human, then maybe I would've enjoyed Stiletto for the fun hour it was meant to be. But I'm sorry, if there is a new Lana Lang on the block, it's Jimmy the fucking Bimmy. And sadly, he doesn't have the good looks to even begin to offset the horrible drug and witch storylines we've been given over the past eight years...

On the bright side, I wouldn't mind having Stiletto back for an episode or two in the future, simply because Lois Lane was oddly amusing with that horribly fake accent of hers. On the downside? Thanks to Jimmy, I hated this episode enough to want to shove a Stiletto knife right through my fucking goddam nostrils...

God, why do I even bother with this series sometimes? It's mind-boggling really, how the series is like a goddam drug...

"Wow, okay. Just when I thought Chloe couldn’t get any dumber this season, the Smallville writers decide to turn her even more into Lana Lang…

"Clark Kent gets his ass whooped yet again. What else is new? Where’s the justice in that?...

"Doomsday. Might as well have called the episode Total Fucking Disappointment…

Next year better not disappoint. Or at least, it better not bring me false hope again…"