IvanF's Uninformed Reviews of the Sixth Season of Stargate: SG-1 (2002-2003)...

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- IvanF's Archived, Cut & Paste, No-Name Reviews of the
Sixth Season of Stargate: SG-1 (2002-2003) -
(Jonas Quinn joins the Team, The Prometheus Debuts, the Replicators evolve, Anubis MWAHAHAs at the Destruction of Abydos)

The sixth season of Stargate wasn't the greatest, but it definitely had its share of moments. From the stellar introductions of the X-302 and X-303s, to the Star Trek and Alf references, Stargate had a hell of a lot of memorable moments this season. The only problem was, thank God it wasn't it's last...

I think most Stargate fans will admit that the second, third, and fourth seasons were much better woven than the fifth and sixth, if only because enemies like Apophis and allies like Thor were still shrouded in mythos mystery back then (rather than being exposed naked like everyone's favourite Roswell race...)... I personally enjoyed a lot of the standalone episodes in the sixth season, including The Other Guys, Sight Unseen, and The Changeling, but episodes like The Abyss showed me that no matter how much I enjoyed Jonas Quinn as a character, something is missing and has been missing in the series for quite a few years now... The Jack and Daniel banter in both Abyss and Full Circle provided most of the highlights for the entire season, and it only served to remind me how much I missed the casual bitterness in their conversations from seasons back.

The sixth season of Stargate definitely had a lot of great episodes, and a lot of torrid episodes as well... overall, as a sixth season, I thought episodes like Redemption and Prometheus helped solidify Stargate as one of the most entertaining sci fi shows on television. But considering that for most of the season, the cast and crew thought that the sixth would be the last?... If the sixth had ended up as the final season of Stargate, I may not have been so easily pleased. What made the final episodes of Deep Space Nine a joy was the epic arc that molded together the final six... Stargate this season had none of that, and all I can hope for is that they try something new and something sinister with Anubis next year, if only to make him the best cliche villain a villain can be...

Until then, I might as well mention that although the sixth season can't come close to matching the second season in my list of favourites, I will admit that it nearly matches the fourth season, and probably exceeds the first season (which was too heavy on mythology, not action), the third season (except for the Replicators), and the fifth season (which I enjoyed, but only because of the death of the Tollans) in my book. And if anything, Prophecy and Full Circle hath Hathor given me hope that the seventh and possibly final season of Stargate will be one among my favourites as well... so keep your fingers crossed that seven is indeed a lucky number to go out on...

Notable Episodes: The Abyss, Shadow Play, Prometheus, Unnatural Selection, The Changeling, Prophecy, Full Circle
Best Episode of the Season: Redemption (Parts 1 & 2)

"Anyhew, since I've better get to homework soon, I'll just say here that the first episode of the new season, Redemption, may not be a match for such episodes as the one where Apophis takes two Ha'tek motherships and attacks earth, or even Nemesis (the introduction of the replicator threat) in my eyes, but it does serve its purpose: it shows that Stargate SG-1 is getting back to its roots, and then some... I may not have loved Tangent, the episode where the X-301 or whatever death glider traps Jack and Teal'c in outerspace, but I simply loved the X-302 talk in Redemption, simply because I've always been a warp engine techie at heart. In Tangent, I just couldn't get excited about the X-301, simply because it was just a death glider with a US Air Force sticker stamped on top, and had no real capabilities except fire some naquaada enriched mavericks at the enemy or something... But the X-302? Excuse me as I drool... Sure, I think it's weird that the US Airforce somehow learned how to control naquadria, reverse engineer all the parts of a Death Glider, and learn how to build a space jet from scratch with inertia dampeners and a hyperspace generator, but like I said, I'm a warp theorist junkie at heart, so please excuse me as I drool... The X-302 launch was exactly like I envisioned, as a plane that launches like a stealth bomber and then switches to alien engine technology when it reaches high enough in the atmosphere... And actually, the launch sequence was my favourite part of Redemption. When Jack said "cool" at the inertia damperners, I screamed at my monitor since the Stargate writers had just stolen some of Star Trek's uncanny techie vocabulary... But when O'Neill then asked Carter if there were phasers? Heh... After realizing my own stupidity for the sextillionth time in my life, I couldn't help but laugh, and completely miss the joke where Carter preps the ejection seats for space...

And you see, maybe it was because of the tiny screen I was watching, but either I missed a lot or there simply wasn't that much to this episode to keep my interest. Now, don't get me wrong, the humour was all there in full force. I loved how Jonas Quinn adores the weather channel, and I couldn't help but smile when he crossed his fingers wrong, but there really wasn't any sort of action in this episode whatsoever, and why? Because Stargate is going back to the basics. They've got a new villain, Darth Anubis, to introduce and explore, and I loved his cliche evil talk as a hologram as Jack griped and groaned in the background... They've got a new character to explore, Jonas Quinn, and I think they're doing a good job of slowly easing him into the grounp with the boxing scene with Teal'c and all... They've got a new interior threat to take care of. Instead of having to deal with Q and Maybourne and whoever else was trying to screw the US government from the inside, they've got the Russians on their asses and that nerdy, lemon-allergic Stargate complainer to babysit over, who oh-so reminds me all too well of myself and just about every techie whiner on the internet... So basically, I can't blame Redemption for not completely holding my interests. It was well written considering it was just an introduction to the new season and essentially new show, and my only real complaint was that the scene where the X-302 aborts the hyperdrive sequence was a bit too quick, short, and anti-climatic for my sour key tastes...

But I won't end this mini-review on a bitter nor sour note. I'm sure that when this episode finally makes it to North America, I'll enjoy it that much more. But for now, all I can work with is the script, and although Jack and Jonas had some brilliant lines, Teal'c and Carter didn't seem to do that much, for we can't all have our cake and eat it to, now can we? And although as cheesy as it was, it was kind of weird and interesting how Sam finally decided to take Jack up on his offer... I mean, first cake, then fishing, and then what?... well, with the series coming to a finish, and with millions of female "shippers" around the world demanding "ship in a ship"... and, um, uggh... please excuse me as I gag and shiver in the cold, and drool over that X-302 model in General Hammond's office... Damn. I want a hyperspace generator..."

"Anyhew, this week's Stargate SG-1 episode was the second parter of Redemption, the season premiere of perhaps the final season of the series. And although I wasn't very pleased with part one of the cliffhanger, part 2 defied the odds and actually improved on the Stargate formula. First of all, let me drool over the X-302 once more. The suspensful scene where the X-302 didn't have enough fuel to lift itself and the attached Stargate into outer space? Sure, it's been done before, but I loved every second of it. Seeing the X-302 launch off a Boeing jet was an incredible sight as well for a techie like me, but I'll give props and kudos to every single scene in the air, even the cheesy one where satellites show Jack landing safely in the ocean. And even the light show, where the Stargate self-destructed three million miles away from earth, had me on the edge of my seat, and why? I don't know, but every single time I hear a pilot talking through those radio things of theirs, chills and tingles ripple up and down my spine. And it only served to highlight a lot of the great Jack lines in the episode, such as "I may have understated things - it feels like this thing is going to fall apart", and "in the meantime, I'll just keep on falling"... And although Jack was rather noticeably absent for the first half of the episode (he had hurt his knee from holding his daughter in real life or something), he more than made up for it with his smug comments to Carter at the halfway point, when he tells her he's not sure if he wants to hear the problems with the plan.

As for Samantha Carter, this episode was truly a breakout for the character. Since when has Sam made jokes in such a plentiful, plethora of an array? Not only did I find her comment cute that the EMP generator should be pointed towards the Stargate, but her innocent kiss on McKay's cheek actually had me riled up there for a while... And that leads me to the true star of the episode. I hated Dr. McKay in 48 Hours, not because he was critical or annoying or anything, but because the writers refused to let him come up with any ideas of his own. However, right off the bat in Redemption 2, after telling two scientists that they're "horribly wrong - both of you", he gets the idea to fire an EMP pulse through the Stargate. Of course, the plan hideously back-fires, but at least he had more to do than complain for once... And actually, I ended up favouring McKay by the end of the episode, as much as I rooted for Doctor Jackson at the end of the original Stargate movie, and why? Because McKay, under that geeky, tough exterior, is exactly the same as me and almost every male nerd out there. He's funny (I loved his comment, about how if Anubis had foretold that nothing can stop the destruction of earth, only to find the Stargate shuts off, and is forced to mumble back, "oops, sorry - nevermind"... well, okay, so you had to be there...) and humourous, because he's always trying to hide his own inner insecurity. In his heart-warming speech where he declares he wanted to be a penis or "pianist" when he was young, his words rang very true with my own memoirs... not to mention the way Carter was rolling her eyes, not knowing what to say, as McKay was blabbing on and on about his life, happened to remind me so damn much of so many, well, gaggles of genius girls in my life... I've never been an artist, meaning I've never had to ability to truly be creative. Instead, I'm a bookworm. A fine clinical player, but I don't have the heart to achieve anything more. And that's why I was so jealous of the girl I thought I loved in high school, because she was creative and took her gift for granted. I was never bitchy around her I don't think, but jealousy did lead to attraction, and I couldn't help but laugh when McKay offered to hold Carter's clothes as she changed... And when he finally got a peck on the cheek from the girl he admired? All I could think about, was why was he so damn licky and lucky, and I'm not? Sure, Carter will never see him the way he wants, and sure I get get a first dance from the girl that pities me, but a kiss is a kiss nonetheless, and I for one have never been kissed...

And that leads me back to Samantha Carter, who tells McKay that she'll pretend as if their "physical attraction" was never there in the first place... Of course, the relation-"shippers" on the internet picked up on this right away, and demanded once again that she get together with Jack by the end of the season. But strangely enough, at times, I saw more of a dynamic between McKay and Carter than I ever did with O'Neil and Sam, or is that just personal wishful thinking on my behalf? Do I smell love triangle? Do I spell threesome?... um, nevermind... Anyhew, the Teal'c scenes with his son Rya'c have been done to death through Klingon Star Trek episodes, but it was still done exceptionally well in Redemption. I enjoyed the fact that Rya'c saved his father and proved his worth, although it was odd how few soldiers were guarding Anubis' Stargate destroying weapon... And for once, the simplicity of the Jaffa speeches didn't make me groan, and neither did the fact that they all speak English while spouting "Jaffa, Kree!" at times, simply because as soon as Teal'c admitted he was not ready for Rya'c to die, I was hooked on their father son relationship. It reminded me a lot of what was going on in my own house, with university and my brother moving out and all... and, well... I'm going to miss him. That's all I've got to say.

And finally, while I still consider McKay to be the star of the episode, the second place finish has got to go to Jonas Quinn, the little alien dude who has the coolest way of expressing his ideas. He never truly said out loud nor took the credit of sending the Stargate into space, or of using the hyperspace generator for less than a second, but you could see in his eyes that he knew exactly what he was doing. Instead of hogging the glory, he spoke in such an innocent and simplistic way that it actually allowed Carter and McKay to work together in tandem. Strangely, Jonas was the brains. The scientists were the brawn. In an episode about artists, who was really the Picasso on top?... and, well... I just wish I could be as diplomatic as Jonas is, who hides his intellect with a cup of tea. And as you can see, I had an overwhelming amount of positive things to say about this episode, simply because in its entirety, I truly did enjoy it. Was it the best episode I've ever seen? Not quite. But I can honestly and bashfully admit that thanks to McKay's wonderful redemption (and newfound hope for my love life), Redemption Part 2 is so far the best episode I've ever seen for the entire new season. And knowing me, that speaks a hell of a lot...

And just for the record, Darth Anubis now has shields that took out the Tollans, weapons that take out Asgard chariots, conniving tactics that wipe out the Tok'ra, Asgard hologram and energy dampening technology, the ability to see through cloaked vessels, the ability to download a victim's memories into computer systems, and the ability to use the Ancient's technology, and yet he still continues to use death gliders, transportation rings, and crappy Ha'taks that had trouble against Yu's forces in Revelations? And, um, as cool as Darth Anubis' half Asgard, half Gou'ald voice is, the fact that he was wrong about the destruction of earth, even after his cliche evil guy speech, has just got to bring his Jedi status down a notch or two... But don't worry, Anubis. We still love you. And in my opinion, you're still the coolest, brilliant, most comic book villain we've seen all season. Two thumbs up to you."

"Anyhew, since I'm starving now from not having yet eaten breakfast, I'll try to keep my Stargate review short. Short story short, the episode Descent was just about, um, decent. It suffered from an excess of hype on my behalf, though. It really sounded like it was going to be special, with Osiris' upgraded mothership sunken in frigid, arctic waters. However, the water scenes were rare and barely noticeable, although Jonas Quinn's scene with the underwater transport rings was rather cool for a FX techie guy like me. The action was rare as well, with only a short stint between Teal'c and Anubis' ninja jaffa. Basically, I half enjoyed this episode. It was good, but it paled in comparison to Redemption, or even to Revelations in which it was built upon. Carter and Jack really had no special lines, although I did enjoy O'Neill sitting in Osiris' chair, already envisioning himself as the captain of an advanced Ha'tek mothership. Davis was rather useless, and Jacob didn't really wasn't productive either. And don't get me started on Frieson, or whatever his name was. He was the victim of the sixth man syndrome, an overblown conundrum that has the extra man get killed for ratings before the first commercial ever get to air. I thought we had seen the last of that with the advent of Galaxy Quest, but I guess I thought wrong... And actually, that's reminds me of something that can either be considered a flaw or a gift. Descent probably had a tight budget to work with, so they kinda did the old school television thing and left most of the special effects to our own minds. Sure, the C4 explosion was cool (although it's kinda ridiculous how the jaffa had no weapons that could blow up a door), and sure the gliders gliding through the water was interesting, but we were never allowed to see the mothership crash into the ocean, nor did we see much of the destructiuon of the ship itself. And when Jacob claimed he couldn't open the water sealed door, only to have the show skip to a commercial? That was a kind of old school, television suspense thingy I haven't seen since the days of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and X-Men, or even those old school episodes of Reboot I cherish and love...

Anyhew, the only two real stars of the episode were Teal'c and Quinn. Teal'c provided the humour for the episode, and I laughed so hard when he demanded to know if Jonas was suggesting an alien conspiracy... And as for Jonas? Sure, I like his character, but his great rescue of the team this week was a little too bland, early and cheesy for my tastes. I mean, the guy is simply too smart. I know that some people on earth really do have photographic memories, but on TV, you see these savants a little too often. And call me jealous if you will, but I found Jonas's memorization of the power systems of a Ha'tek mothership a little too quick and early for my tastes. But nevertheless, he has become a good member of the cast, and his scene with Teal'c in the Hummer was classic Stargate friendship (or "f-ship"...) building at its best..."

"Anyhew, this week's Australian Stargate episode was entitled "Frozen", and it wasn't a bad endeavour, but it wasn't a spectacular one either. The first thing to note, is that I loved the costume and set design for this episode. Sure, the action mainly took place in that one, single, cramped Antarctic science facility, but it was a blessed facility, and I found myself quite in awe at all the scenary there. And even though the hyperthermic clothes or whatever the SG team was wearing have become pretty standard on television these days, it still somehow all got my undivided attention with the widescreen format used in this last season of Stargate. And I'd better not forget to mention how cool all the containment suits used late in the episode truly were. In fact, the greatest moment in the episode came at the very end, with the SG team carrying the sick Jack O'Neill inside a coffin-like container, through the Stargate in almost an egulogy type procession. In other words, the sick O'Neill being carried and babied by his crew was simply put, very sick... or, um, is it spelled "sic"?... Oh, nevermind. I'll never get a girlfriend at this rate, or a decent writing style while I'm at it...

But that's the one thing most lacking from this episode: the writing for Jack O'Neill. Sure I laughed when he commented "Darwin would be crushed"... and yeah, the Simpsons line was misplaced but funny, and reminded me a lot of his brilliant line long ago in Beneath the Surface, when he was trying to remember a bald man important to him, and told Carter, "I think his name is Homer"... However, I seriously just spilled the coffee beans on the only two true moments of humour in this entire episode, and the rest was all mythology and serious crap like that. Now, don't get me wrong - the interactions between Jonas Quinn and Aiyana were almost touching at times, and I even felt something when she was too ashamed to look at the Stargate. But honestly, this episode was rather boring because it centered around the four superwomen women (Aiyana, Carter, Frasier, and Dr. Michaels), and pretty much left out my hero of Jack O'Neill. Of course, he did have that big moment with Sam later on when he blinked or died or whatever to allow his blending with a Tok'ra, but besides that one moment, it was pretty much a Jack-in-the-box-less episode.

However, I must point out here that my opinion is rather bias, simply because I was sort of getting fed up with the mythology in this episode. I know I'm arrogant and everything and should just keep my mouth shut, but I don't exactly like how the writers are using actual Atlantis theories to explain the Ancients and set up the upcoming Stargate movie. Although I still believe in Atlantis to an extent, I don't like the idea that they became civilized 50 million years ago and died out a mere 12000 years ago. If an advanced civilization had that much time to grow and prosper, I think they would've destroyed a lot more on earth than just their puny island that we can't seem to find any evidence of whatsoever. It's been argued that our tech is advancing so quickly only because we're Atlanteans reincarnated with their former knowledge, but I won't dive into that debate right about now... The episode Frozen also pointed out that the Ancients were human, had mystic healing abilities, telekinetic Kitty Prowers, and blah blah blah, which all once again points to the real, existing theories of Atlantis serving as the backbone of the up and coming Stargate spin-off series. And yes, I still believe in Atlantis, even though a lot of Edgar Cayce's predictions about it seem to have passed and died without notice. I guess I was just being pig-headed during this week's Stargate episode, because I couldn't believe Daniel wasn't there any longer to scream at Janet Frasier for figuring out too damn slowly what every archaelogist has known for the past century or so. Every time Carter said Aiyana's discovery was not just big, but huge and world-changing, I couldn't help but groan and grope my lopes, and remind myself of the good old days when I thought my theories of Atlantis were original, only to be shocked when I first found the internet, and found out that my theories had already been thought up by a thousand other internet freaks out there, just like me...

It was like Freud said, about walking into your parents' bedroom as a small child, only to find the two of them doing some nasty things under the covers before your very eyes... Of course, the internet is a little less graphic than that, and that may explain why I have no qualms about pornography yet I'm scared of sock-puppets, but once again, I must digress, because alas, Homer Simpson is a very important man to me as well."

"Anyhew, time's running short on me, so I'll just so a very petit synopsis of what I thought of Nightwalkers, this week's episode of Stargate SG-1. Simply put, I was never a fan of X-Files, so can I really be blamed for not enjoying this episode? Sure, the village of the damned in this episode was an intriguing proposition, but the spookiness of the endeavour instantly melted away as soon as Carter mentioned, "you guys aren't nearly as smart as you think you are."... And yes, I know that line was near the end of the episode, and yes, I did like her "motorcycle riding, lock picking" comment, and I might as well mention that it was nice to see her in charge of the team for once, but I just didn't enjoy the surreal feeling I got from the townsfolk, who ended up being only a very minor and incapable foe for SG-1 to deal with. Simply put, I just couldn't tolerate the gloominess of the episode, and I thought the happy ending just didn't suit the gloominess I was feeling just a few, fleeting moments beforehand. Sure, I laughed and remarked at Jonas' photographic memory abilities, and yeah, I am intrigued by that ship the infant Goa'uld were somehow building with bits and pieces on earth (it'll probably be used for defence along with the X-303). And yeah, it did occur to me that the SGC has just inadvertently found a way to save the Jaffa from slavery, by cloning Goa'uld larvae for implantation (as long as they get past the moral dilemma of using Goa'uld as Jaffa slaves, and as long as the Jaffa don't oppose relying on earth for their ability to live). But I just still couldn't like this episode. It was interesting, yes, but just not entertaining, and why? Because it just didn't feel like the go-happy Stargate I know and love... and besides, something just didn't sit right when Samantha Carter sits down in some sort of Scully tribute uniform..."

"Anyhew, onto the Stargate review of this week's episode, Abyss... which, um, might I add, took four bloody hours to download with my 33.6 modem, when if I just had my broadband for one more day, I would've had Abyss in the palms of my keyboard hands after a mere 5 minutes, but I digress... Abyss was one of the most highly anticipated episodes of the year, and did the goods deliver? Yes, and no... I admit that the dialogue in this episode was some of the best since maybe my favourite episode, the Fifth Race, but it just couldn't hold my interest as a whole as much as Redemption, Part 2 did earlier in the season. As I mentioned, I thoroughly enjoyed the constant badgering and banter between Jack and the ascended Daniel. I've always loved their childish, "Did not", "Did", "Did not" routine, and it makes a somewhat modified return in this episode. And of course, the witty humour doesn't end there. I loved Jack's lines as usual, especially "that's my week so far", "look who's talking", and when he mentioned to Baal that he probably knows, um, less than he thinks... And as for his comedic counterpart, when Daniel asked Jack if he thought "the Asgards named a ship after you because they thought it was a cool name", I couldn't help but be momentarily stunned because, um... I used to name ships simply because they had cool names, but I digress... And perhaps the greatest comedic line I've heard since The Warrior's, "I don't say much" quip, was when Jack told Daniel, "so you want to be my Oma", or something along those lines... Now, I don't understand what the source of that joke is, but I guess my subconscious mind got the punchline, because I started laughing my head off when he said that for no apparent reason whatsoever. And all in all, the first bulk of the banter between Jack and Daniel had all the right elements to make it classic. Their later discussions, however, reminded me too closely of the crap I write in stories. I'm not saying Jack complaining that he's not a good man was not a good speech. It just wasn't powerful to me, because I've heard all his rhetoric from, um... myself... And when Jack finally admitted that if he gets tortured and killed just one more time, that he'll tell Baal everything he wants to know, I personally thought that was great acting on RD Anderson's behalf. Right then and there, the whole Jack character came into play, and I just instinctively knew that he had remembered his mission purpose all along, that he was just hiding the truth from Daniel in case a) the room was bugged, and b) in case Daniel was a Goa'uld induced delusion. And yeah, I can honestly say I was satisfied at the end, when Jack cracks a smile or two and Daniel tells him he's going to be alright. Not only did these few motions show that the Jack that I've personally always admired is still there after all that torture (then again, he was still slap happy after being abandoned in Iraq for a year), but that perhaps Daniel knows big things for the SG-1 team are waiting for them on the horizon, stuff that could really get juicy...

And my only gripes about this episode? That first of all, there was little to no action. I know it was probably the better move to allocate all the episode time to the Daniel and Jack banter, but I really did feel kinda cheated when it didn't show any kind of stand-off between Jack and Baal at the end or anything... Daniel possibly telling Teal'c about using Yu and his motherships to give Jack a fighting chance was rather ingenius. I personally never thought of that solution, but once again, I felt kinda slighted and cheated. We didn't get to see the battle take place, nor did we get to see the aftermath. The episode was all about Jack and Daniel, and although that probably was the better choice to do, I still missed the usual kind of generic, Zat gun, action sequences... And oh, I absolutely loved the anti-gravity effects in Jack's holding cell, but I wasn't really impressed with the gravity fun in the torture chamber. Call me a spoiled brat if you want, but Jack's repeated killing just wasn't as brutal as Teal'c's torture in season four's, The Serpent's Venom. And Jack repeatedly waking up in the sarchophogus made me think more of Groundhog Day and the comedic Window of Opportunity than it did of any kind of sympathy for him, but I digress... But really, I've blown all these gripes way out of proportion. Writing wise, this has been one of the best episodes in the history of the Stargate series. It's just that, there wasn't enough eye-action-candy for me and my wonderful testosterone to call it one of my personal favourites. Then again, I'm one of those freaks that didn't and still doesn't mind Anise, the Tok'ra barbie, but I guess I should really shut up right about now..."

"I guess after reading this kind of crap, it's kind of easy to imagine how conspiratists were supposedly offended by Stargate's The Point of No Return episode, with Martin Lloyd claiming everyone knows the Lunar Landing cover-up was just a diversion from the real cover-up... I mean, hell, if the Nibiru guy actually wanted to seem credible, he should have claimed the US government has a Stargate to transport the world's best scientists off to the Alpha Site before Anubis hits us with another asteroid, but I digress... Anyhew, about this week's Stargate episode, Shadow Play... It was a rather decent episode with great acting, especially on Richard Anderson's part with his solemn brooding and Tollan-like, no-technology-for-you attitude. Jonas played a fair role as well, and I absolutely loved the last scene with him telling his schizophrenic professor that together they saved their world... And although I did enjoy the twist in the episode, with the naquaadria resistance being all a delusion, I just couldn't help but be a bit disappointed. I mean, I'm sure that as the psychological freak that I am, I would've loved this episode had it aired a year or two before. But honestly, Shadow Play was almost an exact shadow of the entire A Beautiful Mind plotline! I wish I didn't watch that movie so I wouldn't consider this episode a retard of a retrend, but the parallels are simply uncanny. Dean Stockwell played a brilliant scientist who contracted schizophrenia, and imagined a military-like hallucination in a cold war kind of world. And if I could just block out A Beautiful Mind, I would probably say this episode was the best episode of the year, despite the lack of action (although fake Intar with with of those Intar, stun pistols was kinda cool). But since I watched Russell Crowe go insane just a mere, few weeks back, I just can't give Shadow Play kudos, even if it seems to cater to everything I want in an episode. To put it simply, I loved A Beautiful Mind, and I'll try to love Shadow Play, but it probably won't work. Not until the Red Dwarf, Nibiru, comes after 3600 years just to mutilate cows and produce pointless crop circles for no apparent reason, but that's enough infallible proof for one day, I suppose...

And no, I'm not being paid off, but I guess that's what every person being paid off or under mind control would like to say..."

"And to be honest, if I wanted to hear Star Trek references, I would've left it up to Stargate SG-1... And, well... it looks like it'll be an all-you-can-read buffer of a buffet when it comes to Stargate this week, starting with the episode from two weeks ago, The Other Guys. Now, although I throughly enjoyed the comedy in this episode, I'm afraid to say that quite a lot of it went over my head. And actually, I was kind of embarrassed that I didn't get the "we might as well be wearing red shirts" quip at first, and didn't realize that it was a Star Trek reference until I visited the forums on the internet... And as a major Star Trek buff, all I can say is... um... oops... and actually, there were a ton of Star Trek references in this entire episode that either went over my head or I simply managed to love to death. Casting John Billingsley (akas Dr. Phlox) as the scientist who "worships at the altar of Roddenberry" was absolute genius, and after Felger made fun of the ridiculous nature of "tachyon scanners" or whatever he called it, I just couldn't help but burst out in laughter when he started to work on the canon naquadah reactor... Unfortunately, since I've been relegated to stealing those little episode files on the internet, I couldn't see the Bakleth or however you spell it in the Tok'ra's chamber. However, my favourite joke in the entire episode was probably one of the most subtle: I just couldn't believe that the two scientists didn't get caught, after making a complete ruckus with their banter while crawling through what I swear were Star Trek Jeffries Tubes...

And actually, my second favourite part of the episode was at the very end, where the big kiss of a finale slowly bubbles or blurps or burts over to a day-dreaming scenario, and we're left wondering if it was just the medal ceremony or the entire episode that was just a nerdy dream. Personally, since I'm always been quite the pacifist activist of a unificist, I kinda chose to believe that everything in this episode sort of happened in the real Stargate universe, although the version we saw on television was Felger's own take on what happened. Do I have any proof of this? No, but since when has that stopped anyone from opening their mouths on the internet?... And anyhew, there were a couple of other notable gags in the episode. I loved the inside joke Teal'c had, about the Canucks of Vancouver being superior warriors. I also enjoyed the moment where Felger somehow just poked his head in the cell (which wasn't even watched by one inept guard) as he joyfully sang out, "we're here to rescue you!", as if he was some naive, Luke Skywalker or some crap like that...

But all in all, despite all those uncanny sci-fi references, I just didn't really enjoy this episode. It was funny, but I just didn't develop a passion for it, and I don't blame the episode or the writers for that. In truth, I've been feeling bored and depressed amd negative about everything I see on a radiating, microwave of a maser screen these days. And honestly, I think I've been desensitized or something, after watching so many TV shows on my computer, after watching so many movies at home and the theatre, and after playing so many games on high quality consoles, all without school to remind me what life is like outside of hi-tech heaven. And truth be told, barely anything has actually entertained me as of late, and by that logic, I guess I can safely assume I didn't rather enjoy the episode that followed The Other Guys neither.

And truth be told, I didn't get a swell feeling about Allegiance either, just as I predicted. I really am stuck in a mundane ruck or something, hiding beneath some rock, lost in a sea of blind sensuality or some kind of limbo limber talk like that... But anyhew, although I know so many on the internet who loved this episode, it just couldn't and didn't appeal to the inner child within me. Now, I'll be the first to admit that there were only a very minute amount of problems with this episode. I slapped my head when Malik or however you spell his name wouldn't even try to zat whoever was dragging Bra'tac, and I groaned when it seemed like Dr. Frasier gave us a lecture 101 on Jolinar and whatever the hell an Ashrak assassin is. And I'll be the first to admit, I should've loved this episode, but the Predator-like nature of the cloaked Ashrak has been done to death within my own mind, and unfortunately, thanks to watching so many movies and TV shows as of late, I felt like I knew the whole plotline as soon as the Divide and Conquer crap started. Of course, I really didn't know what would happen, but the pervading and persisting feeling that I did was enough to sour the course of the episode, just like grapefruit to a vine, although I'm not really sure why I thought of that...

And don't get me wrong, I did love certain aspects of the episode. Teal'c strangling Malik to death was a stroke of genius, I thought the Tok'ra funerary, incinary service was rather intriguing, and who can forget Colonial O'Neill psychotically firing rounds all over the place at an invisible enemy? But realistically speaking, the only Tok'ra episode I've liked was The Tok'ra, Part 2, and I only enjoyed that one because I loved the look on Jacob's face when he learned of his daughter's job. And the only Jaffa rebellion episode I ever liked, was actually The Warrior, and I only liked that one because O'Neill had some real great lines, and because of Imhotep's unbelievably, unnecessarily evil revelation at the end. And to be honest, the only episode I've so far enjoyed in this Stargate season so far has actually been Redemption, Part 2, simply because Dr. McKay gave me so much damn hope in my fruitless endeavours for feminine passionfruit... and, well...

To be honest, I don't think I'll enjoy a Stargate episode again until the school year arrives, when I'll be starved for any form of entertainment (although I'll probably lean towards Buffy for that, with all the old villains returning for nostalgic sake). Because as it stands right now, I've been criminally desensitized and neurologically neutered, and it's almost immoral for me to rate movies and episodes in this Johnathan frame of mind. But if there's any hope or glimmer of, um, hope, or of any of Daniela Hantochova or some other clone crush like her, it'll be that alas, all good things must come to an end, and when that time finally cums (or, um, comes...), it'll be the best of both worlds. Or actually, what I'm trying to say, is that I only have a soft place in my heart for a small number of Star Trek episodes. I only loved maybe eight or nine Next Generation shows, and yet I've placed the show on a pedestal, revelled in its glory, and shall worship at the altar of Gene Roddenberry for all time to come (as long as I can spell him name right...).In other words, it only takes a couple of stunning episodes to have me hooked on a short leash, and trust me, in due time, it'll be all the same with Stargate. Hell, I've already watched The Fifth Race and Window of Opportunity a dozen times each. It's just that...

I'm hungry now, and I'm starved for food, attention, and Daniela pics. And even though my finger has finally thankfully healed its mortal wounds of Mordok, I'm now officially and humbly out of things to say. So this has been yet another unnecessarily negative review from yours truly, IvanF, the no-name whiner... And I just wonder, if fifty years down the road, is it inconceivable that somebody will worship at my altar?... Okay, I'll just shut up right about now, and save that thought for a rainy day..."

"As for Stargate, it shames me to say this, but the first half of the season is officially over, and the second half won't start until January 2003 of all times... So this will be my final Stargate SG-1 review session in a very long time, and let me say I'm relieved that the writers left a very decent taste in my mouth with their final two episodes of the half-season. I'll admit that Cure did start out extremely slowly (although I laughed out loud at the "we'll have to be at our best to match the challenge" and "howdy, folks" comments), and there were very few memorable lines (except for Jack's "is that why you take hosts?" line), but there were was just a good flow and a good feeling to this episode, that time flew by and the ending credits rolled before I knew what hit me. Teal'c didn't do much, except smile uncontrollably whenever he told that a Goa'uld was dead. Carter was pretty much a non-factor, although I felt an extra oomph or hidden agenda behind her Tok'ra talk with Jack. And Jack? Well... his "qu'est-ce que c'est?" line brought back horrid memories to my mind, but once again, as stated before, he didn't really have much to say. The true star of the show was Jonas actually, who seemed to have a real chemistry with the archeologist woman, reminding me a lot of Daniel Jackson falling in love with Linea a little too soon... And my favourite moment of the episode, was actually of Egeria talking to Malek, or Malik, or however you spell his name. I think Jack learned a thing or two there as well, that although the Tok'ra have been hardened by war and unimaginable losses (then again, so should Jack been after a year in Iraq, and after being killed by Botchy Baal over and over again), as long as they're all born from Egeria (who immediately chose to save the culprits who tortured and cattle prodded her for decades), than maybe they're not so piss-poor, arrogant guys afterall... or maybe they still are, but at least we know they started out decent...

But as for Prometheus... although I still prefer Redemption better, all I can say about this cliffhanger episode is "wow"... Honestly, I must've already watched this episode five times in full by now, and I can definitely say it did deserve the show's record breaking rating of 2.0. Sure, it started out a little slow like most episodes this season. I thought it was absolutely dumb that Carter would show the reporters the X-303 instead of the X-302 (considering they thought they were building a fusion reactor), and I slapped my head when nobody and nothing, not even an x-ray machine, checked the camera crew for weapons (haven't any of them seen True Lies?). But even I had to woo in awe at the sheer, massive size of the X-303 when it rose out of the dock, and I do honestly feel like the entire, central cast did an excellent job in this episode. Carter was a little too smart for her own good, and I'm still confused as to why she couldn't find a weapon onboard a ship slapped with an air force sticker on the side, but how could I have anything against her, when she stole my personal line of "crap"? And although Jack had barely any lines (except for his little temper tantrum tirade), all was forgiven wit his comment to Thor at the end of the episode ("I thought you were going for the new body?"... "I did"... "... um... it's nice..."). Teal'c may have had few lines as well, but his facial expressions during the surreal (or is it unreal?), somewhat slow-mo fight against Goa'ulded Simmons helped save the battle from sci-fi stupidity (and made me watch it at least ten times in a row). And Jonas was exceptional in his dealings with Donovan, the news reporter. I felt the short stinted look on his face when she found out he was an alien was right on the money... And besides, how could I possibly not love an episode where the Air Force somehow mananged to get enough trinium, naquada, naquadria,and money to build a Titanic-length starship with Jeffiries Tubes and a Star Trek-eque bridge? How could I possibly not love an episode where Adrian Conrad refutes that the X-303's hyperdrive "design is incredibly crude", only to be told to "spare me the supervillain riff"? And how could I possibly not love this episode, when it combined all the best elements of sci-fi together to make one somewhat lopsided looking ship (it looked like a hybrid of the Enterprise with its nacelles, Voyager with its interior, an Asgard mothership with its extrerior, and even Starcraft's Battlecruiser with its overall design)?

So short story short, I loved this episode. I loved Prometheus, both the ship and its crew, and its future seven year mission... And oh well, AOL, I guess I'm just a sucker for Star Trek inspired spoofs and parodies. So sue me... and I guess I'm just a sucker to be sucked on by certain Star Trek goddesses, but I guess I shouldn't have said that... since maybe she'll sue me... or maybe, I should've just saved my comments for a rainy day, or printed them out at the photo mart to be glued to a wall, but that's besides the point..."

"Okay, so I did start complaining after Precious Cargo went off the air and my brain finally kicked into gear. So sue me. And in my cringeful chagrin, I checked the trusty internet, and lo and behold, my real prayers were answered... Because without me knowing, right under my unwitting nose, new episodes of Stargate SG-1 had started airing in the US or wherever season 6 is playing right now. Suffice to say, I dedicated the next few hours of my life to illegally downloading Unnatural Selection on my 33.6 modem connection, decidedly and decently watching the download completion bar slowing inch towards completion, instead of opening up a can of whoopass on any of the half dozen textbooks laying by my bed... and, well. Was the long wait worth it?

Suffice to say, Unnatural Selection had a rather unnatural feel to it. Short story short, I was expecting an episode of action, with Replicators showing up everywhere, considering they just did conquer a Asgard homeworld. In the end, what I got was possibly much better than I anticipated, although it required a night's worth of rest for it to finally register in my head. The only action sequence we did get was the shot where... um, O'Neil and co. shot right through the nanite-like Replicator people. Although I would've preferred some special effects where the Replicator Reese wannabes or whatever are blown to bits, only to reform seconds later, I suppose being invincible period allowed them to better make their point of, um... being invincible, or whatever their point was supposed to be... I must admit though, for a Replicator episode, I didn't expect such a tugging and mugging of the emotions. I mean, even though the ending felt rushed, I couldn't help but feel sorry for the Fifth. Sure, he was evil... or maybe semi-evil... the Diet Coke of the Replicator Borg... but being born evil wasn't his fault. He really wanted to do good and be good. He really wanted to help complete strangers over his evil brothers and sisters, as he trusted Carter, almost like a child... or almost like a naive me following any of my black widow crushes, but I digress... And the look on his face the very moment before he got frozen in time? Priceless. Timeless. I can still hear his voice echoing in the back of my mind, "... but she promised...", as if his poor little, Tin Man heart was broken in two... or a sextillion nanite pieces or whatever... and my poor heart was broken as well, as I felt a tug at the corner of my eye, only to have it pushed back by a Tom hardy, evil laugh from my ever jubilant, joyous mouth... And while the latter half was nicely dramatic with a great finish (I loved how O'Neil pretended not to care about leaving "Fifth" behind, yet couldn't allow the chemical implant guy in the "Fifth Man" last year to sacrifice himself for the team), who would've thought that all my angst could've been cured by the wondrous comedy of the first half? Honestly, while Enterprise purposely yet adoringly perpetrated one of its worst ever episodes this week, I couldn't help but chuckle for maybe five minutes straight at Carter shooting down O'Neil's request: "... Sir... We can't call the ship, Enterprise!"... The only other two jokes that had my giggling were the number one speed-dial thingy with General Hammond (who seemed a little too happy to see hologram O'Neil if you ask me...), and the fact that Teal'c wouldn't even share his melted ice cream with his fishing friend... ah, good times... And altogether, although Unnatural Selection was a bit too schizophrenic for my tastes, with a light-hearted first half and quite a dark, twisted second half, I still throughly enjoyed this episode, even though I could never figure out why the Replicators made their "First" look like an old man... or why the evil leader always must have a British acccent, but that's besides the point...

And ode to joy, the Gap's "happy holidays" are here, because the Stargate SG-1 running man marathon didn't stop there. What did I find online this morning, but this week's episode, Sight Unseen? And simply put, even though I was still going through the motions from poor, inhuman Fifth getting lost in time (although with only a time dilation of 10 to the power of 4, my spidy sense tells me he might be looking for revenge in oh, about an earth year...), Sight Unseen still got quite a positive reaction from me. Because simply put, for the first time in a long time, I thought a sci-fi show actually conjured a brilliant new idea, or at least, one that I've never thought of before. Even though it was just a twist from the everyday alternate dimension crap, it did catch me by surprise how the Ancient's device was causing the SG team to see other worldly creatures that really are all around us, all the time... And simply put, when I'm caught by surprise, how can I not give two thumbs up as a Sign of good faith and embarrassed humility (now there's a pun!... um, nevermind...)? Not to mention the fact that I would've never thought the sight ability would've been passed on hand to hand like a charge, but that's besides the point... And the thing was, maybe I was just still jittery and jumpy from having evil Replicator Borg dancing in my head all night, but the first half of Sight Unseen really did freak me out. I mean, even though we can't touch them, even though we can't hear or see them, it's still kind of freaky to think that massive bugs of all things are creeping and crawling all around us. And honestly, if this episode had aired around Halloween or anything, I'm sure they would've made it a ghost story or something, with the device making us see alternate dimension Kawalski and Charlie walking through walls or some crap like that. Call me nutty if you will, but I have an insane aversion to bugs, especially the ones I'm not big enough to squash. And call me wimpy if you will, but I honestly freaked out when the stupid caterpillers showed up all over the Stargate iris controls. And honestly, even Signs didn't make me jump this much... actually, I laughed as much in Signs at the stupid aliens as I did at this week's episode of Enterprise, but that's besides the point...

Character wise, Sight Unseen was a joyous sight as well. Although I found Carter shooting down O'Neil's fishing offer for the third time rather out of place, I couldn't help but think of fond memories of The Curse when Teal'c quietly mentioned to Jonas that he should be glad Jack never offered the same to him... Although I kind of was too freaked out to notice Carter apologizing to Jonas in the lab, it was kind of touching to see how quickly Carter chose to hold his hand when the non-drugged up mother told them they were a cute couple. And actually, if you asked me, I'd say that Sam seems more compatible with Jonas than anyone else on the base, although the Sam and Jack "shippers" on the internet will really have my head for saying that, not like anyone ever reads this website anyhew... And although the latter half of the episode wasn't as tense to terrified me as the first half, I did enjoy some of the crazy antics around Colorado, with the bug sucking on the SUV's windshield, with the Gulf War syndrome veteren cringing at his broken gas station sign, and with Jack spouting tales of Alf's merry Melmac while hanging around in Anderson airlines...

Altogether, since I didn't expect Stargate SG-1 to return until January, I was most pleased with the pleasant surprise of not just one, but two new episodes showing up on my doorstep for an early Christmas. I'm also fortunate that the Fifth didn't get it on with his would-be rescuerer, Carter, in a Dagobah type setting with alternate dimensional worms running up and down the trees like a certain other sci-fi show demonstrated this week, but that's besides the point... The point is, I just procrastinated from studying for a good hour, and out of all pleasant surprise thingies this week, that strangely enough makes me the happiest... as long as I don't start seeing signs of sights unseen, but that's besides the Merrimac point..."

"But I couldn't help myself! It's a guy thing! Or call it a guy thing if you will, although I know that doesn't sound too good... But alas, the temptation island was simply too much for me to bare! I mean, new episodes of Stargate SG-1 had just returned to primetime television (or the skanky, suave, sly cooper internet for me), and I couldn't help but become a military vet-less freak all over again after watching this week's episode, Show and Tell. Something about that illegal gun shop the episode showed simply got the best of me, and thus I parked my ass on a cement floor for three hours straight, reading up about M203s alaunching, P90s awailing, M16s ajamming, M4 Carbines afiring, one OICW in testing, and a partridge in a sniper scope's tree... Of course, as much as it's a guy thing to act like the Harvey Planet Dailyson or whatever kind of crap when it comes to gun registries, truth be told, I really do suck at so-called guy things... I could never play Canadian hockey since I could never skate or survive a check, I could never compete in basketball because my arms were too scrawny to ever pass the ball, and when it came to guns, I absolutely never knew nothing about them, no matter how much I read, simply because I care more about the shows that showcase them rather than the actual showcase floors that house a mountain of rifles... or those lovely infomercials that claim by God, if Charles Heston did not have guns, could he have saved his people in Egypt?... I think not, but that's besides the NRA point...

And with that being said, I must admit, this week's episode, Show and Tell, was one of the greatest Stargate episodes I've seen in a quite a while, for sure topping my list of NID-based episodes (unless you count Prometheus as one, although that was more about the drool-worthy, X303 Enterprise than Colonel Simmons and co...). Right from the get go, Show and Tell had me captivated. Seeing Jack snipe Senator Kinsey at the start was mind-boggling to say the least, and simply because Jonas was so out of the loop, I so thoroughly enjoyed all the briefings about the top-secret, mimic devices from Foothold. And the dumbfoundedness didn't end there, because in all honesty, I thought Agent Barrett played his best role since... well... Wormhole Xtreme, but that's besides the point... I loved his little moves on Carter, protecting her body from the explosion one minute and then watching her take off her shirt the next. And to be honest, I didn't know whether this NID guy was being honest or not. I honestly did believe he was going to betray Carter, and that's why the scene where she tells him about the mimic devices, and when he reveals to her that the Senator is not dead, was quite efficiently effective from my point of view.

This episode left me guessing, all the way up until the end, and it was all helped by some strong performances by every member of the cast. General Hammond actually got to look serious for once, and Doc Frasier got to make some non-obvious discoveries for the first time since the Ancient was found Frozen. I absolutely loved the Teal'c moments, where he clotheslines the runaway doctor and interrogates him as only Teal'c can do. Jonas was great, especially in the scenes where he felt left out of the mimic device, know-how loop. His moment with Teal'c about learning to drive in 1969 was a wonderful touch, all beautifully touched off with a very atheletic Jonas jumping over a fence to catch the good doctor, I presume... Carter took charge this episode, and it suited her much better than in Nightwalkers, I thought. I kept second guessing myself whether her so-called "black widow" complex would end up haunting Agent Barrett, but then it would have to haunt Jonas as well, considering last week's episode, but I digress... And although I thought the ending sequence was a bit too awkward for my tastes, with the NID guy shapeshifting into Major Davis one moment and then relaying the tale to his superiors the next, it was all made up for by the brilliant finish to the end of the episode. Although Jack didn't get much action this episode (he even had to go fishing off-camera... alone...), his handshake at the finish said it all. I couldn't help but believe that Show and Tell had one of the most ominous endings I've ever seen since Enterprise's "Cold Front", Suliban episode last Christmas, as the look in Jack's eyes when Senator Kinsey told him to smile was simply priceless, and even got chills running down my spinal tap and feet... if feet get chills, that is... and wow, I couldn't help but think at the end that the Senator had actually planned this all out, of becoming the weakest link, only to look like a hero in the end. And quite honestly, with the way the political world is turning right now, I can't help but feel this episode touches a little too close to home for close comfort... although I've never really been one to complain about politics, but that's besides the moot, mute point..."

"I guess the curse of the Viagra horniness lives on, as I was a bit too restless to truly care about what was going on in Paradise Lost either, this week's episode of Stargate SG-1. I guess my own paradise was lost, in the sense that I've been really looking forward to this episode for a long time, considering I expected the fuzzy Furlings to show up for the first time on the show. But in the end, nothing happened, except we got an abbrievated version of Lord of the Dance, or Lord of the Stargate Rings, or Lord of the Flies. I'll admit that I enjoyed the banter between Maybourne and Jack, even right at the start, when O'Neil was criticized for his delivery of lines and lies. From that point on, I loved all the references to shooting Maybourne... and I can't believe Jack actually did it for once... or twice, actually... And I loved Harry's little overkill ideas, although I would've thought he would've ran out of hand grenades after three weeks of blowing up fish and warthogs with shrapnel, but I digress... And there really is nothing I can complain about Jack here, although I didn't exactly come to the same conclusion as he did about the Goa'uld and the plants... But considering nothing was really happening on the moon or whatever of that planet, I was pretty bored with the fact that nothing was moving along with the rest of the SG team back home either. Sure, certain SG-1 fans were more than happy to finally see Sam cry, although I unfortunately was laughing my lungs out during that scene. I did think, however, that her PMS pissed off look when the scientists were packing up at the transporter site was rather effective (and kind of turned my horny self on as well, not that that was any challenge this week), although in the end, it really amounted to nothing, as she was just too slap happy and all too barely relieved when she all too conviently figured out the key to the... um... key... and what about the Asgard? Why weren't they ever contacted during the month? And why were the Tokr'a too frickin' stupid to scan the moon? I mean, they were already in orbit, so why the hell not?... and, well... Jonas and Teal'c really didn't do anything, as this episode was indirectly meant to be indirect "shippiness" between Jack and Sam. And as for the ending, I felt everything felt a little too rushed, even more so than Unnatural Selection did, although I do know why Jack let Maybourne go at the end. It wasn't because he finally respected him after smelling him without a shower for almost a month. It was because the writers at the time thought that this would be the last season of Stargate SG-1, and it's only natural to rush whatever you can, while you still can."

"Anyhew, since there was neither a new Buffy or Enterprise episode this week, you'd better believe that I was sure as hell moping and hoping for a good Stargate SG-1 episode to Crimson tide me over for the time being... and, well... What I got instead was a messed up mix of the Matrix, Star Wars, and the Hunchback of Notre Dame, which wasn't exactly stellar according to my logbook. Simply put, Metamorphosis was a decent episode, but it was too simply dark (literally - I could barely see a thing) and too uneventful for my tastes. While the relational "shippers" on the net loved the moment where Sam rested her head on O'Neil's sholder, I was instead shaking my head at the fact that there was no build up to that moment whatsoever. It just happened, and then it was done. The same goes for the Russian Colonel's death. I mean, for once we had a Russian officer who wasn't given the lines of a jackass. He instead seemed like he actually respected O'Neil (is it one or two "L"s? Oh, nevermind...) and the American SG teams, but of course, in the end, he was just merely cannon fodder in the sci-fi style of the sixth man, and his death was really nothing more than a bleep on the show's shadow of a radar. And the death itself was a little too X-Men exaggerated for me. I mean sure, when cells break down, I guess they would release the water stored inside of their membranes in such a manner, but did the Stargate writers really have to do the water splashing off the bed thing at the start, just like it was done in X-Men? And couldn't there have been something else than pure water, like puss or semen or Vodka or some crap like that?

The main characters all had decent roles in this episode. O'Neil didn't get to say much, although I did like the look in his eye when he lied to the telepathic mutant or something... Carter just got to sweat a lot to look like she wasn't actually going to make it for once, Teal'c got to show off his muscles when he was holding up the jail gate for fun, and Jonas didn't have many lines, but probably has a larger ego now, considering he now knows he's special in the eyes of a certain girl Goa'uld, and that he's James Bond when it comes to the nurses back at base. Life is good for Jonas, isn't it? Except for one thing... I know it'll be brought up in later episodes, but why the hell did the mutants cure Sam and not Jonas with the machine? Sure, we knew Jonas wasn't going to die or anything, but they should've at least checked if he was changed... And the mutants themselves were kind of annoying to watch. Odin or Wodin or however you spell that stupid Norse name, was a little too schizophrenically powerful if you asked me. How he can stop a P90 bullet shot in mid-air, yet have trouble holding back Jonas' fist is beyond me. But nevertheless, I admit that the actor played the character with a certain, cretin passion and finesse, with the muffled voice and the cool, Darth Jedi hand movements. But in the end, I really couldn't care less whether he was in the show or not. Same goes for the telepathic guy, who apparently never was horny enough to ever look into the mind of the only hot girl in the entire fortress... And Nurrti herself ended up being nothing more than a prop. She cloaked, she zatted, she got her neck snapped in half. Nothing new. There wasn't even any Vodka. Her only purpose for being in the episode was to give some purpose, some excuse, or some meaning in life to bring Jedi mutants into the show, and to seduce Jonas for no apparent reason, just so he doesn't get short changed and left out when it comes to the online shippers. So overall, I wasn't a big bang fan of Metamorphosis. As I always say, I don't like change. Change is bad. I fear change. And therefore, I fear Metamorphosis... or at least, I was bored throughout most of it. The only part that did wake me up was the scene where the bullet froze in air, which of course has been done by The Matrix, Smallville, and whatever else other crap, pop culture, poop thing too many times to tell. Nevertheless, I did like the brief moments with the Russian team, and I do respect this episode, simply because O'Neil's constant plea to take him instead of Carter brought back the sense of teamwork and comradeship that has been kind of missing in action since... well... since the last episode I guess, but I digress..."

"There's not much to say about this week's episode of SG-1, Disclosure. Because simply put, it was a clip show, and probably not the best of the toe clippers either. I was never a big fan of whatever that episode was called, where O'Neil and the team were captured by Hathor, but I did enjoy Politics, especially since Senator Kinsey was so damn one dimensional that it made my head shake feverously from the bad writing. And Kinsey was back in full stupid stride this episode, as he cleverly manipulated the all-too stereotypical world diplomets into giving him full power of the NID and the Stargate program. In the end however, Hammond managed to play the final trump card from his sleeve, and had Thor have a hilarious, little finger pointing section to persuade the ambassadors to keep O'Neil at the helm of the whole gig. And, well... First things first, I can't do a run down of the main cast, considering there weren't even here, although Davis constantly reminding the crew that SG-1 keeps saving the world over and over and over again did sort of get on my funny bone nerves. And as a Trekkie "shipper" (I like starships, I mean), I did enjoy his little rant of a listing of the X-3-oh-whatever series, and his little overview of Goa'uld vessels, although I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that Death Gliders still only have an English name .. Hammond finally got the chance to shine for the first time this entire season. It's just too bad he didn't get any memorable lines, such as the speed dial one in Unnatural Selection... I've mentioned Kinsey before, and he really didn't play his part with the conviction or convict passion that he did in Politics, so no luck there... And as for the ambassadors themselves? You've got to love the patented British, "WHAT?!", and the bloody "bloody" that always has to be fit into a show. The French guy did absolutely nothing but whine and wine, which is always a plus for me. And the Chinese delegate was reasonably accurate I imagine, but I thought it was kind of stupid how he wanted to fully disclose the whole Stargate project to the people, even though I knew he really was just using it as a bargaining chip, ala Russia and the now defunk DHD thingy. And as for Colonel Chekov? I thought he played his best role since Redemption (which was, um, the last time we saw him...). He was smart, and wise, and deceitfully cheeky and sneaky in his speech with the Chinese guy as well. But most importantly, he trusts the US now, otherwise he wouldn't expect to get the X303 specs once the ship is finally ready and operational... And overall, I thought Disclosure was a decent filler of an episode that hopefully will save a lot of money for Full Circle, the season finale. My only real problem was the ending, which was rushed for really no apparent reason, especially considering they really had no excess of material to squeeze into the confines of single episode at the expense of a decent conclusion... and that, Commander - sorry, Supreme Commander - is my whiny rant for the day..."

"At the very least, I wish the Buffy fans would appreciate Normal Again for what it's worth, as an insightful tale into the possibilities of the mind. But then again, boys will be boys, and fans will be fans, and Stargate is just as susceptible to the same, half-sane criticism from the fans, especially for such Marty episodes as Wormhole Xtreme and Point of No Return... Criticism abounded on certain forums last week as well, against the casual flirting between Sam and that Celtic leader guy in "Forsaken". I personally thought their lines were quite cute, and I definitely have to use that plugging my ship into her battery thing, one of these days when I see her in a movie theatre... But of course, the fans didn't exactly rejoice at the comedy, since they wanted the flirtful banter to be between only O'Neil and her, and never anyone else. And in a sense, they did get some... I didn't get why Jack seemed so stupid around the telescope at the start, considering he's an amateur astronomer, but at least it got Sam to laugh. Jack didn't do much in this episode, except follow Teal'c and follow his spider senses that were tingling at the fact that something was wrong. Teal'c didn't do much either, except stare at the phallic trees as if he was horny... I did like Jonas this episode though, as not only did he get to look like the smart man on campus, but he also got kissed on the first date. I thought that Celtic girl looked very cute on Jonas, although come to think of it, she'd probably look good on anybody... She had a sweetness to her smile that only made her more suspicious, and although it was kind of dumb for her to trust the addresses on Jonas' computer, I did like her evilness at the end as she was dialing the DHD, telling Jonas that she wasn't lying about him being cute... I also have to admit though, that I agree with some of the fans, that the aliens of the week looked a little Star Trekish to fit in the Stargate world. Their bug heads reminded me of the Hirogen or Hiroshima or whatever a little too much, and their perfect American English did seem out of place as well... Overally, I liked Forsaken, despite the initially boring premise. Although the fact that the Celt guys were lying through their teeth was a little predictable and little too foreseeable, especially after that blond guy killed the alien without mercy, I did like the acting that went into this episode, and I loved Jonas' comments at the end, to not trust a girl that kisses on the first date... I must remember that for my first date... not like I'll ever get one at this snail of an e-mail pace, but that's besides the point...

And surprisingly, considering how vocal Stargate fans usually are, even in comparison with the Buffy forums, I was damn well near shocked this week when I literally could not find any complaints about the so-called alternate universe that Teal'c underwent in "The Changeling". First of all, let me give kudos to Christopher Judge, for writing an episode that nearly matches Buffy's Normal Again in sheer genius, and especially kudos to him for presenting the story in a manner that garnered countless compliments from around the net. Because while the BTVS fans hated Normal Again for seriously suggesting Buffy was a mental patient in reality, the Changeling never once seriously admitted the possibility that the Stargate universe is a shame of a sham... I liked the line when Daniel mentions that maybe both realities may not real, simply because he says it with so much ambiguity that you really don't know what he means. Does he mean Teal'c's dream of being a fireman and his dream of still being in the SGC (while really awaiting rescue) were fake, or did he also mean the entire Stargate universe in itself (even though he said at the end of the episode by Teal'c's bedside, that this was the real reality)? Or was he just referring to life and Matrix reality in general, which is always something crappy to say when you're just trying to sound smart and insightful, but I digress... Either way, although the Changeling wasn't as thought provoking as I'd hoped, it certainly did its job with great characters and great acting. They nearly brought everyone back for this episode, as Bra'tac was great as Bray (especially when he called Chief O'Neil a worthless excuse of a human or whatever), Shau'nac looked like she really did care for Teal'c, Jacob got to show his concern for the Jaffa (more than he did in Allegiance), and Apophis said a pretty good line, how Teal'c is afraid of dying out of fear that he'll meet Apophis in the afterlife (although I thought Aphophis was rather underused in this episode). As for the whole premise of the episode, I especially enjoyed the contrast and comparisons made between giving up a kidney and giving up a symbiot. I absolutely loved how Teal'c had his best episode since The Warrior, or even whatever-that-episode-is-called when he breaks through Apophis' brainwashing. And I couldn't help but laugh at all the "proby" stuff when it came to Jonas, especially the apron and the comment Teal'c made while dying in the SGC (second only to him calling Daniel a woman the season before). I did find it interesting how Teal'c knew what a probation officer was, although that can easily be explained if Daniel modified his dream or something like that... Overall, my only complaints about the Changeling are that Sam and Jack really didn't get to do anything but ride on a firetruck with Amanda Tapping's husband. But still, the Changeling was one of the best episodes I've seen all year, and really set up well future episode possibilities with the whole Tretonin thing, and also with the look on Daniel's face, as if he couldn't stand the fact he couldn't help his friend out, except to say hi..."

"In Enterprise, all I saw was blue, with the Enterprise crew wearing their uniforms, and the Andorian Shran having really cool antennae that writhed and waggled as he ragged on his betrayer... all of which culmulated in Stargate SG-1, as all those blue uniforms worn by Colonel Renson or Ronson or Mel Lastman Ransom or whatever his name was, and his very Buffilicious first officer, Gant, really made Stargate feel like an Enterprise episode set in the modern day... which wasn't a bad thing at all to me, all things considered, considering I loved this week's episode of Memento. Now, it didn't have many quippy, ingenious lines, except for O'Neil's talk of the Goa'uld being dastardly, little litterbugs, and that look in Teal'c's eyes at that weapons officer who had to be told to prepare weapons on the bridge... Jack's strength this episode came from his interactions with Renson, the first decent, US commander the show has gotten since Makepeace was taken into custody long time ago. I found it rather candid and fitting how Jack couldn't stand not being the one in the center chair and the center spotlight for once, and his talks with the 'captain' or whatever did feel based upon mutual respect. Renson's dealings with that tactical guy from Tagrea or Tangrea however, were a bit too stereotypically aggresive for my tastes. But conflict is always needed in an episode, even if it does echo a certain desert storm... Which was probably the best scene in the episode. The naquadria, core explosion was nice, although it's been overdone in Star Trek, but the real star of the show was the Stargate, as it was being risen and hoisted in the light of Tagrea's shining star. It truly was a majestic moment, the first of its kind since the Stargate movie itself. It made the Ring of the Gods look ominous and all-powerful for the first time in years, and truly was a breath to behold... Truth be told, I liked the Tagreans, if that's how you spell the name. The Chancellor was multi-faceted, and had a decent, albeit James Kirkish speech near the end. And although the repeated monorail scene did get to me after a while (while Jack's redudant line about redudancy had me laughing on the floor), the scene of the city was the best one I've seen since Shadow Play... which reminds me. Earth has definitely assembled quite a number of allies this year, haven't they? They've definitely formed a formidable entente with the Pangarians and now the Tagreans, and if only Kelowna would get involved, maybe the Tollans and the Tok'ra being essentially out of the picture won't be so bad for earth afterall. As long as Thor pays them a visit, like the touch from a 7th Heaven angel, now and again...

(<P-slash-S>: I should also note yet again that as a geek, I couldn't get enough of the Prometheus, even though I'm not Greek... though I am a tragedy, or at least tragic, but that's besides the point... The ship provided for me two of the best scenes a geek can ever pant or Pandora hope for: a) a room full of modern laptops in a frickin' starship, and b) a scene where the red dot goes towards the green dot on radar, reminiscent of season 2's 1000 megaton Goa'uld Busters coming at Apophis' ship, only this time the roles were reversed to amicable degree... As for the Prometheus itself, it's the coolest ship I've seen since the Enterprise-D first flew into Colonel Q. The X-303 has Asgard blasters and Asgard shields (which oddly enough, were too crappy to protect against EMPs and Gravity waves, of all things), Goa'uld transport rings, a human trinium hull, and earth-based naquada missiles, not to mention a kick-ass naquadria hyperdrive for a kick-ass ride (was I the only one who thought Gant resembled the ball-kicking NASA woman from Armageddon?... nevermind...). Of course, even though they went on just a shake-down cruise, I still would've had eight X-301s or X-302s in the docking bay, in case of any ballistic missile attacks, and a Goa'uld cargo ship in the hanger bay, just in case a rescue has to be called... not to mention an extra naquadria buffer in the cargo bay or some crap like that, considering it's the goddam most valuable part (MVP) of the goddam ship... but oh well, AOL, I guess the folks back home were as stupid as Michael Bay when it comes to contingency plans... and that's my rant for today... </P-slash-S>)

As for the rest of the cast, Sam didn't get many scenes, except for a reported staring at Jack's buff of a butt near the end, although I guess I should reword that... Teal'c really only had that moment on the bridge to stand out. And Jonas had a few good moments, lauding the professor for his inability to blend into the background. Overall, this episode was more about the Prometheus and plotlines than it was about the central characters, which was not a bad thing at all. It ended up making the show feel a bit too Star Trekish for most tastes, but considering I'm more like Andrew than anyone else on the Buffy show, how could I possibly not be happy with Jack O'Neil mentally undressing Scott Bakula?... or, um, maybe I should just shut up, right about here... and hope that ASN still shows Buffy in good enough quality to bring me to tears..."

"Anyhew, I'm running low on free time (my dad just did a routine sweep of my room's perimeter to make sure I was studying), so I'd better quickly and quietly American move onto my Stargate SG-1 reviews for last week. Prophecy turned out to be the better of the double header if you ask me, and ended up being one the best episodes of the season as well... Sure, it was dumb how SG-1's stupidity came back to haunt them, as Jonas got a Kindergarten Cop or Phenomenon or whatever kind of tumour, most likely thanks to Nurti and the team's choice to simply leave the planet after Carter was cured... I really liked Jonas in this episode, as he truly did have to question his intellect for once, and not just his field skills. The story was right, at least in my views, that seeing the future does not guarantee that you can prevent anything, nor can it guarantee that you'll fulfill destiny exactly the way you saw it. Prophecy takes both of these grandfather paradoxes into effect, as Jonas' visions both got Carter half wacked, and saved SG-1's asses from an ambush on the alien planet of the week. I liked how Jonas doubted in himself, not knowing whether to trust his visions or not. And to be honest, I was left in suspense when the traitor on the alien planet heard General Hammond over the captured radio. I really didn't know whether it would cause the future to happen or prevent it, and thus, I have to give the Stargate writers real credit for actually making a episode dealing with time and destiny that was enjoyable to me... As for the rest of the cast, Carter didn't get to do much, except talk about quantum mechanics and the Heisenberg Principle (although her interpretation of it in terms of precognition is a bit too limited for my tastes). Jack didn't get any memorable lines this episode, and Teal'c was really just the hired muscle in the background. Doctor Frasier got to say a speech to Jonas though. I forget what it was about... Personally, I thought she was a good match for Daniel, but already people on the internet are thinking of Jonas and Doc Frasier sitting in a tree. I guess you just can't help falling in love with someone after you help to cut off a tumour from their brain... I should remember that the next time I want to get romantic, not that I'll ever get to chance to, however...

I mentioned that Prophecy was the better of the double header a week ago, which kind of disappointed me, since I was really looking forward to the season finale, Full Circle. And don't get me wrong. It was still a damn good episode. But it really should've been two hours long, as everything was dedicated to action rather than character development worthy of a possible series finale... Jack and Daniel had the greatest scene of the entire episode, and it came early enough to give me hope for the rest. I was already laughing when Daniel popped up in the elevator out of nowhere, ranting on and on about Anubis and Abydos, only to find Jack barely listening to a word, in which he has to revert back to the Jack and Daniel banter that put Stargate SG-1 on the map in the first place... I also loved the exchange in the briefing room, in which Jack and Teal'c both admitted to seeing Daniel before and not mentioning it to anyone else, while Carter in the background felt stifled and rifled beyond belief. She even sounded a bit agitated and lamented when she mentioned that Daniel "doesn't know", to which Jack brilliantly replied, "I know!"... However, the episode after that point sort of broke down when it came to familiarity. I was looking forward to seeing Skaara again, and although the look between Sam and Jack over the wedding thing was priceless, Skaara really didn't do anything after that. O'Neil barely seemed to care as his old friend and replacement son was dying, or even when he died, and although I liked some of Skaara's lines at the end, and the use of the kid's ball to have a scenery change in the background, I was still disappointed that our old Abydonian friend had nothing else significant to do... Running down the central cast, Carter didn't have many things to do, except shine a little red light on an eye that made it all too easy to find a weapon of mass destruction, one of which has remained hidden for millennia, even though the security around it absolutely sucked... Teal'c got to use a bad ass machine gun, and I was cheering at his use of a rocket launcher or whatever, but besides that, he was just muscle again, although I guess he doesn't need an episode centered around himself so soon after Changeling... Jonas didn't have much to do or say, except take out Daniel's old magnifying glass and tell him that he wasn't using it anymore... And like I said earlier, while Jack was brilliant at the start of the episode, he whittled down to just a hired hand by the end. I liked how he wasn't all invincible for once, and that his P90 shots didn't have True Lies accuracy for the first time in years, but still, it irked me how he didn't throw any damn grenades out the front door. Considering there were stairs leading downwards, shrapnel really couldn't done a decent job...

And as for Daniel... what can you say about the guy? It felt a little forced and rushed when he mentioned the tablet about the Ancients, and it felt a little awkward when he told Jack to hand over the Eye of Ra, but whatever staleness he had with the old team was all forgiven thanks to his final showdown with Anubis. Because honestly, the eternal battle between good and evil was finally back in full frontal force, with what the internet calls "Ben Danobi" and "Darth Anubis". And honestly, I was half expecting Anubis to say, "Stop me. Stop me now... Strike me down, young Jedi. I am unarmed...", or some crap along those lines... and quite truthfully, I enjoyed every bit of it, as the Goa'uld goading Daniel (or as I like to put it, the Goa'uld "goa'ding" Daniel... get it? Oh, nevermind...) led to an astounding climax with our favourite, little incorporeal entity being swept away like a bad Madonna film, and Abydos actually getting destroyed... However, a great start and a great finish couldn't save this episode from being just average or Just Jack in my eyes, just like a couple of admirable scenes in The Quiet American couldn't save the film from utter, rhetorical drudgery. But still, I must admit, that movie did have its merits... because like I said, Brendan Frasier cracked me up every time he faked his French, especially in the watch tower with a gun pointed at his head. Because honestly, if somebody can't even speak with a proper accent when his life depended on it?... then quite, quiet honestly, maybe there is hope that I'm not the absolute worst at goddam second tongues in the whole damn world... although you can definitely tell that I'm real bad at French if I'm trying to boost my morale by comparing myself to a fictional character, but that's besides the point..."