IvanF's Noname Archived Reviews for the Tenth Season of Stargate SG-1 (2006-2007)...

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- IvanF's No-Name Archived Reviews for
The Tenth and Final Season of Stargate SG-1 (2006 - 2007) -

- IvanFian Last Updated: September 8th, 2007
- Notable Episodes: Flesh and Blood, 200, Counterstrike, The Quest (Parts 1 & 2), Line in the Sand, The Road Not Taken, The Shroud, Talion, Dominion, Unending
- Best Episode of the Season: The Pegasus Project

Afterall, I absolutely loved the ninth season of the show. Sure, a lot of people complained that it had simply regurgitated the same ideas as past seasons, of having uber-powerful villains posing as gods with the SG team having to find yet another Ancient superweapon to defeat them. But I've never really given a damn whether a plotline is "original" or not, but rather how the writers tell the story. And in my honest opinion at least, the ninth season had the best damn story-telling since the glory days of SG-1 that ended back in the third and fourth seasons of the show...

And as far as I'm concerned? It's a little hard to follow up on an act such as that...

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Flesh and Blood will never impress me? Or something to that effect...

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed this episode for what it was. It's just that, there wasn't any real suspense in this episode, but rather a morbid sense of hopelessness that I think was even getting Bra'tac down as he tried to end his life and the tenth season of the show prematurely. The entire team of SG-1 flat out knew right from the get-go that there was absolutely nothing they could do to phase the Ori ships, let alone slow them down. On paper, it probably did seem cool and enticing to watch a Hat'ak suicide run itself without making a dent on the Ori's shields, but it just had no meaning to it in the actual episode itself. Not when we knew it wouldn't have mattered a damn....

Flesh and Bone was meant to be a set-up for the tenth season of the show, and it most certainly did that. The cast and crew even over-blatantly pointed out right before the final credits began to roll, that this is what the writers wanted. A return to what the Stargate universe was before the Goa'uld became Star Trek red shirts, where the good guys were completely outmatched by the baddies from a galaxy far, far away. I'm definitely looking forward to the tenth season of the show, but I was disappointed in the sense that Flesh and Blood basically just felt like an epilogue to last season's mostly stellar Camelot. It wrapped up a few loose ends, but really didn't serve a new purpose of its own...

And there were a few continuity bugs that wracked and gnawed the hell out of my brain. Because despite as powerful as the Ori are, I really was at least expecting that the writers would make the SG-1 team look decently intelligent in their plans against them. More so than the Atlantis morons did in Allies, at least...

Trying to ring aboard a bomb through the Ori shields (which would've worked on any fucking enemy Goa'uld vessel in the goddam past...) was a decent enough idea, and the final moments of Colonel Chekov ordering the transport of a nuke from the Korolev was perhaps the best action sequence that the entire episode managed to prescribe (ah yes, good ol' Russian red shirts...). But later on, did Carter and co really have to use a Jaffa naquada bomb? Why not just get a fucking nuke from the Odyssey armoury (unless there were none left), as it's always safer to use a fucking 2000 megaton explosive than just a pathetic little Jaffa thingy with a fucked up trigger that was made in Taiwan...

And didn't anyone notice that the Supergate was no longer active in the background as Carter was just floating aimlessly in space? What happened to the original plan to dial out to the Ori galaxy to prevent any more ships from coming through? Why was that completely forgotten? Where the fuck was the Asgard ship? Why the fuck was Kvasir just suddenly back on the Odyssey, when he could've had a new Asgard warship with working beaming technology there in just five seconds flat? And it's just kinda strange that nothing about the events of Camelot were mentioned here in this episode at all, although I do know the San Graal will become the main focus of the rest of the tenth season of the show...

But Flesh and Bone did definitely get the job done where the writers wanted to lead into the season. It introduced Adria, Vala's darling little girl, who takes after her mother in more ways than one. I mean, I've never been a fan of Vala so to speak, but if the daughter does indeed take after her figure? Then definitely, I'll be perking my ears and eyes to the words of Origin, provided that the actress who plays the adult Adria proves to be a wonderful companion of a whore...

But did they really have to call the girl, "Adria"? Why not something a bit more simpler, a bit more provocative?...

Why not call her Jasmine? Or Hope? A New Hope? Or even Anakin fucking Skywalker, considering that completely useless bastard was such a fucking pussy in the original goddam trilogy... but I think you get my drift...

I liked the young actresses who played the role of Adria over the hours of her teenage angst life. The first little girl (who actually was the daughter of one of the show's producers, I believe) was like a creepy little red riding hood, with that stoic delivery of lines way above her level of comprehension. And the middle girl especially not only gave a damn good speech about how the Ancients have been deceiving us all along, but probably would make my list of hotties if it wasn't for that fucking underage requirement...

I don't doubt that Adria will be a great villain throughout the season (no wait, I do... considering who the fuck will be playing her as an adult...), and I understand that the writers had to at least use a full episode to introduce her to the audience. I just would've preferred all this talking bullshit from let's say, the second episode of the season or something. Normally the season premiere actually has some excitement in it, and yet we were reduced to a bunch of lectures from a five year old instead. It just wasn't my thing, until the little bitch is old enough to play with my own thing, but I digress...

Flesh and Bone also really concentrated on Vala, considering she and Cameron Mitchell will pretty much be the two stars of the show now that the rest of the cast is getting bored with their television lives. And to be honest, I didn't even mind Vala at all here in the episode, as she really has felt like a central member of the cast since her stint on the show early in the ninth season...

She did a fine job in trying to scold her little girl in her quarters when it came to the slaughtering of Jaffa, and Vala did pretty much bring the best comedy of the episode when confusing the heck out of Daniel Jackson with her rantings. Hell, she even seemed like a somewhat attentive and loving wife when it came to that poor bastard Tomin or whatever the fuck his name was. And she got shot by her efforts, as self sacrifice seems to be a requisite for all new members of the main cast at one point or another...

Daniel Jackson, or the actor of Michael Shanks at least, is said to have a reduced role in season ten, sad to say. It already definitely seemed like that here, as he took the backseat to Vala for most of the episode. He just wore that funky, plastic medieval wear from the Ori ship the whole time he just stood there bored as hell in the hallways, and tried to look good to the camera without his trademark glasses. He had a couple of decent conversations with Vala about the state of her daughter, and even had the balls to point a gun at the girl when push came to shove (not like it would've matter, as the damn Priors can raise people from the goddam dead...)...

I had wished the actor had provided more of his trademark comedy in Flesh and Blood, that's all. But I guess I'll have to settle for him outliving all those fucking moronic, Russian red shirts instead. You just gotta love how he left them all to die with a fucking ticking nuke behind him. Apparently, a complete lack of self-sacrifice is allowed for a character in their ninth or tenth season on the show...

Meanwhile on the other side of the galaxy, Teal'c was completely ignored here in Flesh and Blood. I'm getting used to it all, as it's not like the actor has ever had many lines to say on the show. But something just didn't seem right here anyhew...

What a fucking torture session, eh? He's blamed by the Alliance for the destruction of two measly Hat'ak motherships, and then when threatened with a pansy little Goa'uld torture stick, they fucking cut his hair instead? What the fuck? Who the fuck do they think he is? Samson?...

As the only guy left on the show with an even worse hair-do, is now officially Woolsey...

I do wonder at times though what's happened to Carter. She looked kinda cute as she sorta just did her little girlish lip thing when floating around helplessly in a space suit (which I assume, she had to shit in at one point or another... don't ask me why I just thought of that...). The rescue scene itself was decent I suppose, at least special effects wise, considering we all knew full well that she wouldn't have been harmed. But I'm just disappointed that she did nothing else for the rest of the episode, never once thinking of how to stop the supergate, or even bothering to suggest that maybe if Bra'tac was a fan of self-sacrifice, then maybe they should ram the fucking hell out of that Ori ship on Chulak that had landed and lowered its shields? Just a thought...

The stars of Flesh and Bone were indeed Vala and Cameron Mitchell, as Vala got to play dolls with her soon to be supermodel of a daughter, and Cam got to look like the hero when it came to first surviving the destruction of the Korolev, and then piloting that huge bucket of bolts to save Carter's ticklish ass. Cam got a few decent lines in as well, as with Daniel and Jack O'Neill obviously not being around much, he was fed every single thought that the writers had in mind. Hell, he even got to steal Teal'c's shit when it came to trying to talk Bra'tac out of pointlessly killing all his friends onboard. Couldn't the writers at least have thrown a fucking flesh and bone to Teal'c with a couple of goddam lines for goddam once?...

I'm just not so sure if the long wait has truly been worth it all, as Flesh and Bone was really nothing more than an average episode in my books, at the very least...

... especially when the only fucking hot girl in the entire goddam episode, turns out to be the fucking underage teen of all people...

But after their stellar ninth season of the show? I'm definitely willing to give the writers the benefit of the doubt...

Afterall, Stargate is like a box of chocolates. You never really know what you're gonna get...

I mean, it's always hard to tell. Depending on the week, will we get the red pill, the blue pill, or just the bitter pill to swallow?...

Will Stargate and Atlantis be good like The Matrix, or simply shitty ass like its sequels? It's definitely hard to say, and almost impossible to predict...

On paper, Morpheus looked pretty much as bad as Matrix Revolutions. And that's pretty damn bad if you're asking me...

I mean, what the fuck else could we really expect from yet another bottle episode, featuring yet another plague, featuring yet another parasite that latches onto your brain and calls itself a "Goa'uld"? On paper, Morpheus definitely didn't look like it would be winning any Emmy's...

Now, don't get me wrong. The plotline of this episode sucked ass and really doesn't deserve any real comments whatsoever. SG-1 stumbles onto the deserted set of Camelot, gets sick with the fucking most cheapass and money saving "sleeping" virus ever filmed, and then magically just gets saved by Joe Bob the bad CG Iguana? Where the fuck was the ending of the episode? We got a blur, a flock of seagulls, a gas shortage, and a definite ideas shortage, but that's about it...

Morpheus was just a set up to The Pegasus Project next week, which except for the whole crossover idea with Atlantis, seems to be shaping up to be the "real" season premiere of the tenth season of SG-1. But at least in this week's episode though, we got a few bits of pieces of info to keep us tided over, as it's always great to get some more mythology behind Merlin, the Knights of the Round Table, and now Morgan Lafey as our potential new nemesis...

Obviously, the story of Morpheus was about as sophisticated as a five year old could write. But it's not the originality that matters to me, but rather how well the story is told. And strangely enough, Morpheus had just enough of those little campy moments to remind me of all those dumbass episodes that I actually did end up enjoying during the ninth season of the series...

Right off the bat, Daniel comes yammering onto the set with his incoherent mythological babble, reminding me of the best of ways that he kept going on and on and on about the same damn shit every day during Window of Opportunity. And in a stunning coincidence, the series even brought back the actor who played Daniel's archaeologist nemesis in Window of Opportunity, giving Daniel the opportunity here to not even shed a tear after the poor doc gets a heart attack from a fucking overdose of caffeine pills. What are the odds, eh?...

Teal'c didn't have many lines, but at least he wasn't overshadowed in terms of plot for once. No-one really had much to do except pretend like they were nodding off the whole episode long, so Teal'c didn't look so bad for once as he heroically caught a goddam iguana in a brown bag. He was the last to fall and succumb to the parasite, probably because of his Tretonin. Either way though, lameass cop out of an ending or not, he kinda saved the day in Morpheus. So technically, does that mean that since he's black, we should start calling his character "Morpheus" as well?...

Who's Neo then? Cameron Mitchell? Poor guy literally was talking to himself for twenty minutes as nobody was there in the cave to even pat him on the back. I don't even remember if the guy had any funny lines in this episode, but I do remember both him and I cringing at the fact that he potentially sacrificed his life over Deuce Bigalow: European Gigalow of all films. Oh dear God, as my last lingering memory, that would seriously suck...

Carter was decently cute doing her little medical studies (while hopefully doing herself to say awake...). It's always cliche for Sci-Fi and especially SG-1 to find some huge parasite gorging on our brains, but Amanda Tapping still made it seem interesting in the ways that only she naturally can. Sure, I wish this episode had more time spent between her and Daniel or the rest of the team, to build up the chemistry that I hope keeps them as a cohesive unit of a whole throughout the season. But as it stands right now, I still did enjoy how everyone felt natural and comfortable with each other in this episode, as their lines just seemed to all flow in the script...

Morpheus, as boring of a plotline as it was, really did seem like a campy team-based bottle episode from the glory days of the third or fourth season of the show. Go figure, eh?...

Hell, even General Landry wasn't that bad. Although he did seem uncomfortably horny when staring at Richard Woolsey and intently thinking of his "unusual" sexual advances. WTF?...

The star of the show really was Vala to me, as Morpheus really did show off her individual comedic talents and skills far better than any episode that Cameron Mitchell got on SG-1 last year or Ronon got in Atlantis. Who here didn't at least find it amusing that she was cramming for a psychiatric evaluation, while completely botching and bitching and fucking up her psycho-babble when it came to greeting the psychiatrist? Hell, you must not have a soul (or it belongs to the Ori) if you didn't at least snicker at the polygraph machine gone haywire at just her complementing the man on his suit and charm. It was all stupid as ass comedy, but it just all seemed to fit and flow together, even when she offered for Daniel to pay lunch to the sound of that classic SG-1 theme music at the end...

And the ink blotch tests were awesome too. Though personally, the first things that personally popped into my head were "tortoise", "Blade Runner", and "Japanese Hentai", in no particular order. I wonder what it all means?...

And as simple of a moronic episode as Morpheus really was? It did the job in being well scripted, well acted, and entertaining enough to actually be a better overall show to me than Flesh and Blood was last week. Which is shocking, to say the least...

Seriously, am I dreaming then or some shit like that? Or just high on drugs, I really need to know...

... because red pills and blue pills be damned, I actually enjoyed the whole caffeine pills bit...

This was the episode that I've been waiting to see all fucking year long. Sure, we haven't gotten very far into the tenth season of Stargate SG-1 just quite yet. But even so? Just call it my obsession of a little pet project of mine...

Even without the luxury of being a two hour season premiere or any sort of crap like that? The Stargate writers still managed to create an SG-1 episode that not only is worthy enough to be considered for the Top 10 of the series of all time, but also blows away everything as a goddam simultaneous Stargate Atlantis episode as well.

I loved the whole crossover aspect of the show. Because honestly, more often than not, when one cast meets up with the other, the less favourtized of the two series always gets shunned, as if nothing had happened in their universe at all. Yet here in The Pegasus Project, not only did we get references to specific episodes of Atlantis (McKay revealing his "partially naked" hallucinations of Sam in the Puddle Jumper, for example), not only did we get to see the city of Atlantis in all its splendor, but we even got a fucking battle against a Wraith Hive Ship. What more can we possibly ask for?...

Who here didn't do a fucking fist pump of "oohrah" victory the moment that the greatest of coincidences occurred? Now, I don't know if it was the Ancients stepping in to help us without us knowing or something, but wasn't it a bit convenient that the destruction of a Wraith Hive ship (which only happened due to the Wraith's stupidity to chase the Odyssey into a black hole) not only caused the jumping of the small Stargate wormhole to the massive Ori Supergate, but destroyed an entire fucking Ori mothership as well?...

Then again, do we care why or how it all happened, when the special effects in those scenes weren't just spectacular, but fucking artistic as well (especially the moment where the Ori toilet ship was literally split in half and "flushed" by the super kawoosh)? It may have been a short battle, but hot damn was it one of the most energenic, classy and classic moments in Stargate SG-1 that I have ever witnessed before...

... and the sweltering music there just made the moment all the more satisfying...

The soundtrack in The Pegasus Project was amazing, and probably was the best that the series has ever done since The Lost City. It was just a perfect blend of music from Stargate Atlantis, the medieval Ori stuff of the new SG-1, and old skool flavour from the earliest days of the series. I will give Michael Shanks all the credit in the world for his impassioned speeches here, but I also have to huge give props to the music conductor and all his genius. You really do feel the utter disappointment, frustration and hopelessness that Daniel does, the moment that Morgan Lafey is whisked away...

Now, I may always be a fan of Sci-Fi and the big ass space battles (which The Pegasus Project had both of in spades), but my heart when it comes to Stargate will always truly belong to mythology. And here in The Pegasus Project, we got more mythology than I think we have ever gotten from the series since either The Lost City or Avalon...

Here we got to meet Morgan Lafey in the flesh (well, as a hologram, really), and it was here that so many connections in the Stargate universe that could only be theorized before finally came to light, and came to light in ways that actually made sense. We fans knew that it couldn't just have been a coincidence that the same actor who played Moros in Atlantis' Before I Sleep played Merlin in Avalon. We fans knew that the issue with the Ancients (or Lantians) returning to a primitive tribal earth and seeding our earliest cultures with their stories just had to be addressed. And we knew that when it comes to all our battles against the Ori, that the strict policy of non-interference by the Ascended Ancients just had to brought forth to the table for re-evaluation...

And the actress who played Morgan Lafey did an absolutely astonishing job in really seeming like she genuinely wanted to help our heroes out with our quest for the Holy Grail. The look of pain and sorrow on her face, knowing that she would be punished for doing the right thing, when she was stopped in her tracks by the others? That alone will go down with great episodes of the past like Abyss, where the strength and fortitude in the script writing and the acting, supersedes all else in an episode that will already go down in history as one of the best of all time...

Now, I don't know if we'll ever see Morgan Lafey ever again. And sure, I was disappointed that it wasn't the superhot Melia from Atlantis who played the role of Morgan in The Pegasus Project. But still, if Lafey ever gets punished just like Daniel was as an ascended? Well, I for one will personally volunteer to find her naked and innocent and amnesiac on a barren planet. I definitely am one to make the sacrifice, and I'm sure most of the writers on the show would and should too...

What was truly amazing about The Pegasus Project, was that even with a fucking stacked cast and crew from two crossovered series? Even still, nobody was left out of the equation really. No one was left in the dust, no character felt wasted, and no character missed out on the opportunity to truly shine...

Now, for any of the observant? Who here didn't at least chuckle when James T. Sheppard of the Church of Kirk found himself sandwiched between Colonel Carter and Vala at the meeting table? But even besides the Kirking, he was a much better character in The Pegasus Project that he usually turns out to be in Atlantis. He was absolutely hilarious when it came to shutting up McKay under the threat of a gun, and the whole lemon thing? In a universe where Wraith can suck the living Lucius life out of you, he carries a fucking lemon around with him at all times? Fucking bloody brilliant, and every single moment he spent with either Cam or Sam was hilarious in the greatest sense as well...

Now, McKay got a huge host of screen time in The Pegasus Project, mainly because David Hewlett started out his Stargate career on SG-1. It was kind of strange that he reverted back to his old Redemption self when it came to being Carter's foil here, but who here didn't shrug off his slight regression when it came to all his absolutely hilarious moments? Why on earth would he be stupid enough to not only eat a sandwich or call Sam "sexy" in the middle of the command deck of the Odyssey, but openly admit the fact that a half naked hallucination of her helped saved his life in a "dark" place? It was all so WTF, that it was all so damn miraculously funny...

The thing was though, I was even more impressed with his interactions with Cameron Mitchell. Obviously, the whole "death by lemon" scene had me rolling in stitches, even if the scene did feel a bit forced. But absolutely the key moment between the two was when the Odyssey was staring out at the big ass black hole, McKay was arguing about the semantics of what it means to "see" a black hole, and as for Mitchell? Well, with his staredowns and putdowns and all, I guess he's just The Man in situations like that...

And Dr. Weir? Oh my friggin' goddess God, how the fuck could I ever turn out to like an episode with her in it, let alone actually enjoy Torri Higginson's performance as well? Yet here in Stargate SG-1, once again the impossible is defied, and Elizabeth was actually cute and sensible for once instead of just being a fucking utter bitch. In the Pegasus Project, she took a back burner in the nose bleed seats when it came to being a leader, and finally we got to see the aspect of her personality that actually cares about languages and peaceful politics like that fake copy of hers did back in The Lost City...

I absolutely loved her chemistry with Daniel Jackson when it came to translations of old languages and the use of the Ancient database. And the look on her face when learning the truth about Moros, Merlin, and the Knights of the Round Table? Not only was it spectacular from a mythological, Discovery-channel point of view? But either thanks to her little smile of curiosity there, or maybe because her hair was done better here in SG-1 than it ever has in Atlantis? Dr. Weir actually looked fucking cute for the first time in years. What the fuck?...

Like I said, besides Landry having as many lines here as Lieutenant Ford did? Every character had their moment to shine in The Pegasus Project, and no actor was ever ignored. Not from either series, which was an astonishing accomplishment for an one hour episode especially...

Well, you kind of felt bad for Teal'c, I suppose. He was stuck back at the Ori Supergate in The Milky Way Galaxy, but even he got to seem like a hero at times. He risked his own hide to warn the Odyssey in Pegasus about the Wraith Hive Ship, and got an Ori mothership bearing down on his defenseless position as a result. Yet steadfast and stoic as our Jaffa man is, he stayed by the Supergate until the very last moment, and was the first to see in goddam history a fucking Ori ship bite the dust. It was a beautiful moment, and it reminded me of all those times in the past when Teal'c thought the Goa'uld just couldn't have been beat, only for SG-1 to pull a fucking miracle out of their ass and prove to him that the impossible can be done...

Vala didn't have that many lines herself, but she was surprisingly adorable for what she did get to work with. Some may consider her annoying and grating on the nerves, but she was simply Irresistible when it came to all her little facial expressions and voice squeelings when trying to con Daniel into just asking the damn questions straight to the hologram. It just astounds me how much of a better character she's become since Prometheus Unbound in the series, when she was absolutely the worst idea of a character in my opinion ever. Yet now here, I actually felt a connection with her as she was trying to console Daniel in the end. I guess in the past, she just didn't have anyone to really trust?...

Cameron Mitchell I've already described, as every single one of his scenes with Sheppard and McKay were damn "cool". But even with all that comedy aside, the man was still able to shine when it came to the Cam and Sam show. The two of them, both being co-leaders of SG-1, are just so friendly and chummy with each other that it's brought a whole new dynamic to the show. At first last season, I really did think the writers had forced a ton of Jack O'Neill's old lines down Ben Browder's throat, but now? Now, except for the moment where he suggests a satellite slingshot maneuver around the black hole (which may have been a throwaway Farscape reference...), his character now just seems so perfectly suited and defined for his SG-1 role that it boggles the mind how out of place he once felt before...

Samantha Carter was the true science girl of the episode, and damn does Amanda Tapping ever excel at that shit. The great thing about The Pegasus Project though, was that despite there being tons of technobabble (like references to the Black Hole incident from way back in season two), a casual viewer can just gloss over it like Cameron Mitchell was at the briefing table. The core of the episode was all about team interaction and of McKay being his old jackass self when it came to Carter. The two just work so wonderfully and effortlessly on screen in all the subtle ways, that the both of the actors just hilariously play off of each and need each other in the most subconscious of geekish ways...

But despite every single glowing praise I've said about all the actors and other characters on the show? There simply is no disputing the fact, that The Pegasus Project was Daniel Jackson's heart and episode all the way through, from the very moment that he stood there by the window stunned by the sheer majesty of Atlantis before him. He really did feel like the wild-eyed, naive explorer of the first season of the show then and there, for the first time in God knows how many years. And yes, I have missed that Daniel...

The progression of his character in The Pegasus Project mirrors his own over the course of the entire history of the series, and I thank the writers for this trip down memory lane. He just somehow seemed like the Daniel of old when first setting foot in Atlantis, staring down the balcony with Vala (if that sounds good), just absorbing the magic of the moment all in. Then when first faced with the hologram, we got the more stoic and intellectual side of Jackson of later seasons, always thinking one step ahead of everything he came across...

Sure to me, I wouldn't have second guessed the notion that an Atlantis computer could translate in real-time 8th century English with their 10000 BC verbal counterparts (afterall, the hologram could magically understand all of modern English, right?), but hot damn did both he and the writers seem like geniuses for all the rest. I was mighty impressed with how he so quickly noticed how the hologram chose her words so damn carefully, and how the holographic room was using up absolutely no power in Atlantis whatsoever...

I don't like the fact that the twist of the episode was revealed in the teaser trailers, but that still didn't stop a chill running down my spine the moment that Morgan Lafey shifted her whole demeanor and just vanished. And the fact that we've been told by the writers and producers of the show, that Daniel would be following a more dark and sinister path than ever before in the tenth season of the show? Well, truth be told, I've always loved Daniel as a character, and I've always loved the mythology of the show...

His speech to Morgan Lafey absolutely stunned and floored me, not just by the raw passion in his words, but by how much it meant to both the actor and the character. In days where the US "policing" the world gets all the newspaper headlines, a discussion on the morals and ethics of the ascended beings and their own "Prime Directive" can take a bloody hell lifetime. Hell, we already had that debate when it came to Daniel's own brief candle of time as an ascended being (which thankfully was finally addressed once more here in The Pegasus Project), as it all just feels academic from here on in...

Daniel has always been the open minded diplomat, but that has never stopped him from realizing that there simply is no negotiating with pure evil. He never hesitated to kill a Goa'uld before and certainly wouldn't make an exception for the goddam Ori. He has never been one to be the first to the frontlines of a war, but he never backs down from saving human lives in the end, even if it doesn't suit the true big picture. And is that his tragic flaw then? Is that what will cause his downfall? Daniel Jackson has always had the strongest beliefs and convictions in what he believes is right, yet it was so damn frightening and bone-chilling (to be honest) to see him just lose it like there like he did in this episode, as it just seems like he's lost all hope...

I would absolutely love to see the epic battle to come between the Ancients and the Ori. Now, I won't pretend to know what that battle will look like, or what kind of battlefield it will take place on...

But thank God I at least got to see this episode before I go and before I sleep. Because The Pegasus Project is just one of those rare Stargate episodes, where I've already watched it three damn times in full, and still have yet to get goddam bored....

Now sure, I don't really know if The Pegasus Project will truly stand the tests of time like Threads, Beachhead and Prototype have done for me in recent years...

It's just kind of ironic then. That the absolute best episode since The Lost City, actually deals with the lost city...

Watching The Pegasus Project, I was the wild-eyed adventurer just like Daniel was at his first ever glimpses of Atlantis...

The thing is, just like with any episode dealing with Death by Puns, Insiders was clearly entertaining enough for what it was worth. It's just that, aside from a few wise cracks that got me rolling my eyes in the end, there just wasn't any real substance to this episode...

Because, I mean, it always seems to happen at least once or twice a season to the cast and crew, afterall...

The most obvious question is, why the fuck did Carter lapse back into her old Gemini form, and just gave the villain (or villains) of the week whatever they wanted? I expected her to pull some miracle out of her hat, like giving him a list of gate addresses to planets with black holes like the SGC has done in the past. And yet all because she was too damn wussy to let Agent Barrett of all morons get sacrificed, she gave Ba'al all the data in the dialing computer that not only can lead him to a weapon that can destroy the Ancients, but give him access to planets with weapons technology far exceeding his own already. What the fuck?...

How the fuck did all the Ba'als escape from captivity in the first place? Wasn't there a guard posted at every door? You're telling me that a couple of Ba'als overwhelmed all those goddam red shirts in a matter of seconds, even after the alarms had sounded? Why the fuck was Agent Barrett even allowed into the prisoner room with a weapon on him? Why didn't the guard follow standard procedure and strip him of the goddam gun in the first place, or have the reaction time to fucking shoot Ba'al before he stole the goddam weapon? WTF?...

The SG-1 team questioned why the first Ba'al was so easy to capture, obviously because he wanted to be captured. Why didn't they question though, why every single other fucking clone was ridiculously easy to capture too? I know that the Goa'uld and Jaffa have always been nothing but cannon fodder on the ground when it comes to our tactical weapons of war, but didn't anyone perk their eyes and ears up when Cameron Mitchell actually found it all so laughable that he was competing with SG-12 (and maybe even John Sheppard) for the number of goddam Ba'als captured in a day?...

Insiders didn't even start on the right track. Now, I know Ba'al wasn't putting up any resistance or anything, but how the fuck can an Alkesh be taken down by one measly missile from a F-16? We didn't even bother to send out a F-22 Raptor, let alone an actual F-302, against an alien vessel that's capable of destroying entire buildings? Why the fuck was Stargate command so lazy as to actually let the ship into earth's atmosphere in the first place? And how the fuck could the writers start off the episode with the most boring Alkesh ever going down in fucking lameass flames?...

Now, all horrible puns and guns and episodic stupidity aside, I did think Insiders was enjoyable for what it was worth. Cliff Simon is always great as Ba'al, and his plans for galactic domination (by wiping everyone out, Anubis style) made for a great segment that I'm sure will be touched upon later in the series (though weren't the Jaffa supposed to have destroyed that Dakara weapon?). And at least Insiders was a hell of a lot better than that goddam movie, Inside Man...

And truth be told, no matter how dumbass every character on the SG base was in this episode? At least until the end, they never took Insiders as an episode seriously, allowing for at least a few chuckles and snickers along the way...

Carter was stupid as fuck in Insiders, but at least she had some fun along the way. She was a nice little foil to Cameron Mitchell, complaining about his horrible puns and macho pride about the Ba'al capture count. She even had some chemistry with Vala along the way now that Daniel was kicked to the curb, allowing for at least a few scenes of the two getting close, enough for an intimate desktop wallpaper in the near future, I'd wager...

Cameron Mitchell got his action groove on, shooting a bunch of generic Jaffa like only he and Jack O'Neill can. I also did enjoy the scene where he was trying to goad that one Goa'uld (with a gourd?... nevermind...) into showing some actual spine and backbone, but that was about it. Because besides that, I don't really remember what he did except utter all those horribly bad Ba'al jokes that I've already all used up to each of my two Yu readers' chagrin...

Well, I don't know about you, but I for one at least was Ba'al'ing in laughter... Ha?...

I was surprised though, that Teal'c really had nothing to say to Ba'al. You'd think that after almost being brainwashed by the guy, and then killing the Goa'uld for the umpteenth time with a staff weapon, that they'd be a connection between the two? Instead, Teal'c sort of just stood there like a pylon, smirking away whenever Ba'al's failures came up as a topic, yet never ever having the Ba'als to show what a real Jaffa man is made of. Wasupwidat?...

And as for Vala? Well, at least she got to look sexy for once, as she really does look better with her hair down at first glance, considering it blended in perfectly with her dark tank top to the point where it seemed like she was wearing nothing at all. With that British accent of hers, she definitely did have chemistry with Cliff Simon, more than she probably ever will by looking as 'shippy as ever when asking about Daniel's check-in from Camelot...

But seriously, how fucking dumbass can the SGC be with her? First, Cameron Mitchell admits that he has no control over the team (though technically neither did Jack, although at least O'Neill always led through bravery and sheer loyalty). Then, he proves he still doesn't trust Vala, by instead of giving her the P90 she already got to use last season, he gives her a fucking zat (which unlike a Wraith stunner, actually still does kill, so what real difference does it make?...). And then finally, when push came to shove? With a fucking zat in hand, she was given full military command of a goddam Marine unit in the base, and got all those fucking red shirts killed by Ba'al in the process? WTF?...

Has the entire SGC gone mental? They left her in charge? It's like putting Teyla in fucking command of Atlantis. It just ain't right...

Seriously, the only decently intelligent character in Insiders was goddam Daniel Jackson...

... too bad he got about as many lines as Lieutenant Ford did on Atlantis this week, that's all...

I at least thought the writers would have at least one secret left up their sleeves. I was expecting for some real twist at the end, either for Carter's black widow curse to come back and haunt her, or (and?) for Agent Barrett to pull a Critical Mass and end up having a Goa'uld in himself. Though that would make the SGC look even dumber for not taking two seconds to check the internal sensors for extra Goa'uld lifesigns, at least it would've been a surprise. Instead, we either got brainwashing or just standard goddam NID stupidity. Somehow, thanks to the writers' Smallville-itis this week, I'm convinced we got the latter...

Now, in true popcorn movie fashion, I tried to set aside my goddam brain when it came to watching this episode. But still, it's just that, inside my mind? There are just some logic circuits that won't switch off. I would think they're impossible to completely ignore, except apparently the entire SG-1 team can easily flip the switch on theirs any goddam time that the plot requires. Go figure...

I guess it's good that SG-1 has already gotten one of their dumbass episodes of the season out of the way, leaving just a small handful of them at most (I hope) for the rest of the year. But seriously, even when it came to the ineptitude of the SGC just to pump fucking symbiot poison through the goddam ventilation shafts, a security precaution that they should've already had in place? My fucking God...

... well, no animals that weren't already mutated by extra-dimensional, monster-inducing slugs, that is...

But really, how the fuck could Landry go back on his principles like that? Hunt a poor, innocent creature in the woods with an entire military squad armed with G36's, M4A1's and P90's (and probably SPAS's)?...

And to be honest? After hearing what Uninvited was all about from the previews? I really did think that the plotline was just so damn dumb, that anyone even remotely associated with it should be shot in the goddam face as well...

But in the end, Uninvited wasn't just about a monster in the woods, and it wasn't just a lame rip off of all those worthless pieces of trash, teen horror films coming out these days (well, except for the part where Sheriff Dwyane Wade gets eaten alive that is, but whatever). But rather, Uninvited instead was actually a great character story for the entire cast and crew of the SG-1 team...

Hell, even General Landry didn't piss me off that much in this episode. I think I even laughed at how goddam ridiculous his goddam bird call was. The man was actually funny. How the fuck often does that happen?...

The monsters were the side-story in Uninvited, and thank God for that. Because the real meat and potatoes dealt with Colonel Mitchell trying to actually relax, uncork and unwind while the general he works for was still barking in his face. And personally, as a guy who has had so many fucking awkward lunches and discussions already with my bosses at work over the past couple of years, how the fuck could I not relate?...

General Landry still fucking sucks balls, but I was impressed with how "uncomfortable" and uneasy he made Mitchell feel the whole episode, despite all his attempts to get the Colonel to loosen up. I didn't give a shit about Landry's hate for hunters or his backstory in Vietnam (in which General Hammond had a much better one back in season five), but who the fuck can't enjoy a good ribbing by the boss whenever Mitchell tried to actually make an actual joke with the guy? I just somehow related to Mitchell's whole plight when it came to the General giving him a heart to heart discussion over the leadership of the SG-1 team, giving him a hard time when it came to having the laptop over himself as a security blanket, or just messing with his mind when it came to personal helicopter rescues. It was all just so goddam realistically awkward that it actually turned out fun, as Uninvited was ironically the best episode that Beau Bridges has ever done on the show so far...

And who would've thunk that Teal'c would ever use the word "ironic" in a sentence?...

You know an SG-1 episode is actually a good character driven one, when even Teal'c got his chances to shine. He definitely got to play the gentleman of a jacked hero, by first calming and cooly taking out a giant beast or burden with just a lowly human frag grenade, and then getting to even sweep the girl off her feet without even seeming the least bit shaken as he had her shaking on the ground. Obviously, he had a few comedic lines in there as well, as the "ironic" one and his poker quips at the end actually had me laughing harder than a Setesh Jaffa's nose drips (get it?... oh, nevermind...). But for the most part, I just loved how he kicked ass and took names in Uninvited, all while baby-sitting Vala in a way that felt just as natural and humourous as any time that Daniel has in the past...

Of course, Daniel had a great episode here. We don't even need to discuss that...

Meanwhile, Vala felt a bit out of place at times, as it kinda seemed forced to have her as the wild animal hunting expert on the trip. But she still had a ton of a laugh out lines in the episode, like calling poor Colonel Reynolds there in the background an "amateur". And the thing is, when push came to shove (especially when she was shoved by Teal'c to the floor), for the most part she handled herself with poise and grace, more so than any time that Daniel was forced to watch over her like a motherfucker. She has this kick ass way of holding the P90 that just screams "just desserts", her voice was somehow cute as hell when bragging about the behaviour of the two mutated beasts at the end of the episode, and her poker game face was just incredibly adorable and goddam irresistible for some goddam reason (what the fuck is a King Kong anyhew?)...

But why the fuck was she and the SG-1 team using fucking Sony PSP's as goddam hand scanners in the fucking woods? I can never forgive them for that. WTF?...

I didn't even know that humans had Atlantis-quality hand scanners these days back on earth, but I guess science was just a bit off in Uninvited for its own good. Now, as for the creatures themselves, while the explanation does make sense when you factor in the sixth sense episode of Sight Unseen? Logically, why would the Ancients build a device that taps into a dimension where evil monster-inducing slugs can entire into our own universe? Sure, they had the whole radiation thing to ward those creatures off (which earth had turned off for safety reasons), but why not just use a traditional cloaking device that stays within our own goddam dimension then? Either way, guess SG-1 won't be seeing those Sodan devices much anymore, and I suppose I won't really mind...

But I do hope that we do get to see that fucking new xenology or whatever doctor back in future weeks (especially with Dr. Lam out of commission with, you know, Michael Shanks' baby...), because was it just me or was she hot? Atlantis hot really, as the Jake 2.0 doctor of ridiculously cute Joan of Arcadia proportions decided to stop on by the SG set and get attacked by a giant alien slug on the way. The thing is though, the actress really did seem like she belonged more in the Atlantis episode than the SG-1 one this week at least, not only because she was just too overly peppy and adorably good looking for SG-1 as a whole, but because the actress has been spouting technobabble lines her entire television career about goddam replicating nanites. But that's a story for another review...

Normally it's Carter who pulls off all the science technobabble in episodes, but she surprisingly had very little of it in Uninvited (except for the whole Sodan cloak explanation, that is). Instead, she pulled a complete 180 (or a 360?...) from her goddam stupidity last week, and actually proved to be a capable and strikingly intelligent leader in the big chair this week. Or not in the big chair really, considering I absolutely loved the scene between the two women when it came to Landry's vacant desk. As really, Carter was just somehow fun to be around again in Uninvited, as not only was she chummy enough with Teal'c to rib about his lines of dialogue, but actually was somehow calm and collected enough to strike back with a vengeance at the guy when it came to goddam poker...

But dammit, why did he fold? It was such an obvious bluff. She's definitely not much of a gambler...

The episode belonged to Cameron Mitchell though, and while it wasn't his funniest or most memorable hour in the series so far, it was probably the best character development he's had since Avalon. The man is finally starting to show some cracks, as he realizes that being part of SG-1 is not all just about fun and games and Kirking (except on Atlantis), but it's about needing real teamwork and real loyalty just to survive. He confessed this all in a speech to Landry that somehow didn't just feel heartfelt, but appropriately awkward as well (considering who he was telling it to). The Mitchell we all know and (probably) love was the one who was having a great time hunting the giant monster in the woods with a goddam shotgun and G36, but it was nice to see the other side of him for the first time in ages. He really brought to life all my fucking fears of an actual camping trip with my own bosses at work, and I was honestly squirming just as much as any extra-dimensional creature that just found its way into our own ever would...

But what the fuck is with goddam Mitchell and his love of the PS2 with goddam Socom 3? I can never forgive him for that. Play a real game and a real system, motherfucker. WTF?...

A real game is poker, and to me, the ending of Uninvited was truly one of the best team-oriented endings the series has ever seen. It reminded me a lot of the final moments of Star Trek: The Next Generation in All Good Things, in just how much enjoyment every character was having just by being in the company of one another. Vala was a hoot with her obsession with the poker channels on TV, Teal'c showed that he's as pussy whipped as any jacked gentleman can be, Carter actually was adorable in the fact that women can't play fucking poker (you're damn right, bitch), and Mitchell lovely made a complete ass of himself with the general and his jokes. And oh yeah, Daniel was wheelin' and dealin' as the Maverick, of course...

The only thing truly missing was a fucking cameo from General Jack O'Neill. I mean, it was his own fucking cabin they were using, so why the fuck couldn't he show up for even just one goddam minute? Because I do know that Richard Dean Anderson was filming The Real World at the time, so obviously he was on the Stargate set. Even without Daniel there getting all red from just a quarter of a beer, wouldn't it just have been perfect if after Carter had made her bluff, that the ol' General would waltz right back in, call her bet, pull up a chair, and show the whole lot of them how the game is really played? That's actually the way I would probably end the series to be honest, if such a great ending hadn't already been used by Star Trek: The Next Generation, that is...

As surprisingly enough? As uninvited as this episode was in my home at first, considering how lameass the previews all made it look? Hell, even with the worthless campy monster story of the week (get it?... oh, nevermind), and even with the lameass jokes about Dick Cheney (who doesn't even exist in the President Hayes and Jack Bauer universe)? I actually very much enjoyed this episode, on a personal level that's become more and more rare since the glory days of the third and fourth seasons of the show...

And with that? Well, I can only hope for more poker channel shit in the next few weeks from the writers, as I wish you all a General Hammond God Speed...

Long ago, back when the first Wormhole Xtreme episode was first airing? I actually made a wish to The Powers That Be, or the Lords of Kobol, or whoever the fuck was running the show at the time...

I actually made a promise, that if only Stargate SG-1 could make it to 200 episodes? Then the show could be canceled, that the show will be canceled, and that I would be alright with it. That I would be satisfied with 200...

Because yes, Stargate SG-1 has been canceled, officially this time. Sure, in the past, the show has been written off as many times as Daniel Jackson has died, but there's just something different about it this time. There's just something more final about it all, a gut feeling that just tells me that this is it. This is it for Stargate SG-1, and this is probably the last year where we'll ever be able to watch the show that I've loved for ten friggin' goddam years in a row (except for seasons five and eight, which both sucked Landry balls)...

It was a bittersweet moment, I'm sure. To be able to enjoy the episode 200, Jack O'Neill cake and all, only to know in the back of the mind that there will be no more episodes of one of my favourite Sci-Fi series of all time come next spring. But as a thank-you to the fans, and perhaps as a farewell as well? I really did love 200 as an episode, more than I ever really thought after realizing it was a spiritual (and official) sequel to the 100th episode of the series, Wormhole Xtreme...

The episode of 200 sort of exists outside of the real SG-1 continuum in a wacky sort of way, which is why it was so damn ridiculous last week reading all the serious discussions going around the net, as to how Walter could've changed into his gear in a split second if it wasn't another dream sequence we were watching. I mean seriously, WTF? Can't the fans just enjoy a thank you note when they get one?...

Perhaps as a whole of an episode, 200 won't go down as one of the greatest in the history or the legacy of the series. But it definitely was one of the most hilarious episodes they've done in years, and definitely proves that there actually is a real way to write a "Valentine" for the fans...

There were definitely down moments, especially the ending where all the in-jokes about the foul-mouthed crew on set went on way too long. And as much as I loved Team America SG-1 with the Thunderbird puppets, those scenes were stretched to the limit as well, to the point where only really Daniel's parody of the original film had me in stitches on the floor in laughter (as really, it was ridiculous how the morons in the original film didn't ever bother to try the 7th chevron that almost looked identical to the one on the inscription, and were also too damn lazy to just try all 36 symbols on the goddam "ring in the sand" and see which one works...)...

But 200 just had so many amazing scenes and so many fond memories of the past, that I don't think it'd even be right for me to break up this review into each individual character, but rather by every single fucking moment that truly gave me a smile...

Right off the bat, we got the "death and return" of the Furlings, and goddammit were they awesome. The interviews with the writers said it best, that the name of "Furlings" was ridiculous and stupid for an advanced alien race, and that's exactly what we got. We got midgets in bargain basement, furry Ewok suits that were probably designed for kids on Halloween. Then we got season one or two Carter and Teal'c looking like idiots while watching the sky and witnessing that for the umpteenth time, they've led the Goa'uld straight to a potential ally. And then what? The entire planet fucking explodes as if it were goddam, frickin' Alderaan? How the fuck can't I love that opening sequence? It was jam packed with fucking genius plum pudding...

I loved how 200 paid homage to so many different Sci-Fi series along the way, starting off with the Furlings from Star Wars of course. Now, I didn't really get the Farscape references (since I never watched the series except for a few short clips before), but I laughed my ass off at the Star Trek moment. I mean seriously, how many times have we heard fucking Captain Picard or even fucking Janeway try to reverse the polarity on some random spatial anomaly? And the quantum singularity (black hole) was about to explode? Wasn't that ridiculous bullshit from some Voyager episode? The only thing missing from that spectacular sequence was Robert Picardo against the Borg, and fucking Dr. Beckett (or Ernest Littlefoot) as Scotty in fucking engineering...

And you know what's sad? I didn't even notice that "weapons at maximum" line being out of place or sounding ridiculous, until Daniel Jackson actually pointed it out. Because I guess it's true; we trekkies really do love our weapons at maximum. Who would've thunk?...

My favourite damn moment in the entire episode though, was strangely enough when the SG-1 actors were replaced by "younger, edgier" versions of themselves. Because yo dawg, that was tight...

I loved all the emo teen angst. I loved Sam and Cam getting it on (I've always found them to be a more natural couple than Carter and O'Neill), I loved Teal'c not giving a damn about the Goa'uld as long as she was hot (can you blame him?), and how the fuck can't I love the hot tamale replacement for Vala there with the goddam fake accent?...

Too bad, bitch. You're hot. I'd tap that ass sideways all the way back to goddam grade school...

Of course, while I wasn't a real fan of this, the writers also had to throw the 'shippers a bone with the whole wedding sequence between Carter and O'Neill. While I didn't care for it much myself, how the fuck can't I keep the chuckles in, when the writers threw the 'slashers a bone too by having Jack and Daniel together in tuxedos, standing side by side at a wedding? WTF?...

The Team America moment, while a bit too long, was still simply pure genius in the end. The return of General Hammond there was a bit odd (considering it was General West commanding the "orifice" back in the movie), but how the fuck can't I love puppets going to other worlds, no strings attached? Who here didn't ball out laughing at the puppet Daniel Jackson first fucking up his "six coordinates in space" diagram on the big white board, then totally scribbling gibberish all over the SGC command screen?...

The beauty of 200 was that not only was every comedic sequence a fucking riot of a laugh, but literally every character in the series got a moment to shine, pretty much both past and present. I mean, you just knew that 200 was truly not just a thank-you to the fans but also to the actors and cast and crew, when not only did Sergeant Siler get his ass kicked as a zombie, not only did Walter finally got to go through the goddam Stargate, and not only did Landry get to suck the usual goddam balls, but that General Hammond even got to finally mock Daniel Jackson for coming up with massively unorthodox theories in regards to merely, "we found the ring... in the sand..."...

Poor Cameron Mitchell. First his brilliant zombie opening to the Wormhole Xtreme film was shot down, but then he was left clueless as hell as to Jack O'Neill being his daddy? The poor guy was punk'd, plain and simple, as he didn't even get to star in General O'Neill's little perfect ending to the story of no fucking fish in the pond (which I'm still pissed about from Moebius, thank you very much...)...

Did Daniel ever really get the chance to put his ideas forward either? It's great he called out the writers on the whole over-convenient, hanging lantern of a beam-out cliche thing, but where were his brilliant ideas? He called Star Trek ridiculous, which I therefore must kill the character (again) for. The poor guy really has lost his imagination throughout the course of the past ten years of his life, as really, wasn't it really only him that was dreaming of having a younger, edgier version of himself while getting that adorable little replacement for Vala pregnant? Then again, hell, can you really blame the guy? That bitch of an object was hawt...

Vala was great with her obsession with canceled television shows (or movies). First, she conjures up a ridiculous tale of General Landry as the Wizard of Oz, then tries to go all out with Gilligan's Island, and then mindfucks me over with her obscure references to Farscape? But even in the real world, I loved just how into the whole movie script thing Vala was all the time. She was the only one who really didn't object to the ideals and acts in the film, and she was just plain goddam adorable when helping Carter and Daniel put one over on Mitchell when it came to Jack getting it on in 1969...

Teal'c PI was definitely a show I'd watch, if it were still the 60's at least. Even so, it was great that the writers got the original Shaft back to do the voice for that one sequence alone, and you gotta love all those pissed off gazes that Teal'c kept giving to poor old Marty throughout the entire damn episode. The only thing missing for everyone's favourite Jaffa, was a vibrating mattress and a hat that reads "Murray". And maybe some more Tok'ra and Goa'uld ass to tap along the way, all night long, dawg...

Poor Carter meanwhile got the entire SGC blown up. It was about time she fucked up too, since I'm always a fan of huge ass explosions for really no apparent reason whatsoever. I forget what else she did in the episode, except maybe mock Mitchell and wish for more SG-1 puppet time, and point out that Wormhole Xtreme did as badly as fucking Firefly in goddam television ratings (though it allegedly did well on DVD...). Of course, the 'shippers on the net will always remember that little glance she gave to O'Neill after the whole wedding sequence was brought up, mind you...

And yes, it was about due time that General Jack O'Neill showed up once again for the series he starred in the first place. Richard Dean Anderson certainly could've been used more in SG-1 than he was (rather than be wasted on Atlantis in The Real World), but it was still just a wonderful sigh of relief to finally see him back, if only for a quarter of 200 (which would be... 50...). I laughed my ass off at how ridiculous it was for the cast to actually get RDA to return, just to wear a goddam green suit and pretend to be invisible with a goddam dog at the truck wheel. And seeing him together once again with the original SG-1 team, as they all went through the gate one last time?...

Is that the perfect ending to the series then? Just the sight of SG-1 all together again, as a team of explorers, passing through the gate? Will the perfect ending be fishing, or poker, or even the sight of Daniel just dying for the umpteenth time on the show?...

I guess it's up to the writers to now decide. Because if they leave us hanging with a goddam cliffhanger, I'm personally going to go over to their SG-1 set, and beat the living hell out of General Landry... for really no reason, but for the fact that Landry sucks balls...

Stargate SG-1, after ten long glorious years of being one of the best Sci-Fi television series ever made, has finally been canceled...

100 episodes ago, I made a promise. That I would be satisfied and content with 200...

And while that's definitely true of the aptly named episode of "200" itself?... well?...

And while I did make the promise long ago, that I would take the cancellation like a man and simply cry my balls out in pitiful solitude? Well, who's with me anyhew in marching straight down to the Sci-Fi channel headquarters and launching against those fiends a little counterstrike of our own?...

... well, considering they both canceled SG-1 and have chosen to change their name to "SpunkTV", I guess the execs at the channel have already lost all their brains to fucking Cameron Mitchell zombies, but whatever...

I mentioned in my review for 200 that even if SG-1 has been canceled, that at least it was going out with a bang. Season 9 was great (well, the first half of it at least), and season ten is already shaping up to be even better. If SG-1 has to go down, it's definitely going down fighting, and that's exactly what I love about this whole arc of the Ori...

Counterstrike wasn't a great episode, but it's definitely another worthy addition to the final season of the series. The Ori weren't even mentioned in 200, but they're back with a vengeance and perhaps even a vendetta in this week's episode, if only because poor Adria the Orici seems to have daddy issues when it comes to Daniel Jackson getting it on with her mother...

Inara from Firefly made her first appearance in the opening teaser as the human incarnation of the Ori, and she really did seem stale and wooden as an actress. The thing is though, while I already knew all that from Firefly (where she sucked balls, literally... I'll be in my bunk, by the way...), she actually kind of grew on me here in Counterstrike. Whenever she tried to act serious and traditionally menacing, she was a complete waste of time. But whenever she was with Vala, walking the fine line between being a total bitch of a villainess and being an innocent child just looking for approval from her mother, she had this eerie kind of creepy innocence to her, the kind of which truly did make her into already a much more intriguing enemy than Anubis, Sokar, or possibly even Apophis ever were...

Counterstrike started out a bit slow for my tastes, with a first half mostly devoid of humour and generic screen shots of Ori hallways and control chairs. But the moment that the lights started to flicker, it's like the engines of the episode began to rev up or something. As soon as Adria stepped into the fold as the evil Jedi bitch that she was, the show really started to pick up. I loved almost every scene of her trying to please her mother, yet being so damn ruthless as to awake a dead Jaffa from slumber only to torture and snap his neck once more. Sometimes her omnipotence didn't make sense (she could detect and stop the C4 charges from exploding, yet didn't notice Carter taking down the Ori ship's shields?), but I just loved the way she owned the entire SG-1 team as if they didn't even matter to her...

Sure, I know that it probably means something else than this. But considering Jackson is the apple of her mother's eye, was anyone else thinking of a fucking menage a trois, Elektra complex style, when it came to Vala, Adria and Daniel all in the same bed?...

Anyhew, just like this week's episode of Atlantis really developed the Wraith, I really did think there was a lot of development for the Ori here in Counterstrike. We learned that they're not invulnerable to Ancient weapons (although we never did get conclusive proof if the Dakara weapon can penetrate through Ori ship shields), we learned that they're not omnipotent (otherwise Adria wouldn't known about the weapon on Dakara in the first place), and we now do know that Adria is probably the weakest link of the bunch. She's protected by a pendant really and nothing more, and that's gotta mean something...

Wouldn't it be ironic if that jewel (staite) around her neck, happened to be Merlin's weapon against the Ori?...

I can't say that every character truly got to shine in Counterstrike, but at least everyone got a moment in or two. Walter got to make his return from zombie brains and America's Got Talent quick changes, and even Landry (as much as he sucked balls for the whole of the episode) even got to make me laugh with his goddam Dr. Phil quotation. What are the odds?...

Mitchell was great in his quotations of General Landry, as the timing of the whole Dr. Phil thing later on was simply perfect. Cameron also did his best Jack O'Neill impression (to go along with his Captain Kirk one in 200), by trying to think of something profound and noble to say before blowing up the enemy ship he was on. Besides that, he got his ass kicked by Jaffa. You'd think his Sodan training would kick in or something, and he would do some ridiculous roundhouse knee lift or some crap like that. Instead, he took a backseat to Teal'c for the whole of the episode for once, although Teal'c himself was far more subdued than I ever originally would've thought...

Why didn't everyone's favourite Jaffa warrior even speak up much against his brothers? Sure, he did mention ever so stoically on the command deck of the Odyssey that there was no honour in the genocide of innocents, and he did have a heart to heart moment with Bra'tac at the end of the show. But when it came to trying to talk some sense into the Jaffa who had invaded the empty Ori ship, Teal'c kept his mouth shut. Why is it that even for episodes dealing with Jaffa these days, Christopher Judge still gets no lines? Is it because he's pissed at Mitchell for killing that hot Goa'uld in 200? Is Teal'c not getting laid enough? WTF?...

Meanwhile, Vala finally found her true purpose on the team, as I even got a few genuine laughs at her attempts at convincing her daughter that she was too young to have her own army. Understandably, I normally get a hell of a lot more enjoyment out of Claudia Black's character than just a snicker or two, but I was really damn impressed with how seriously she took her role in Counterstrike this time around. The moment where she bonds with Daniel over the death of Sha're really felt natural, as you really (sadly) can feel a connection between the both of them there, romantic or not. And Vala at the end, how the hell can't you feel a little sad for the formerly peppy pigtail girl, at the sight of her giving solemn, Soloman words of wisdom to fucking Bra'tac or all Jedi masters? WTF?...

And poor Danny boy, always the fucking whipping boy of the series. I'm guessing he now misses the Goa'uld hand devices of the past, because he sure as hell looked the part when Adria was trying to probe his mind. He played the background fiddle to Vala most of the episode, simply adding in a few words of wisdom here and there while trying to con Adria into letting them go, but I really did appreciate the depth and complexity and fortitude that his character still managed to show. Of course, Adria seems to have found a new plaything in Daniel, and I'm sure her haunting words will come back to bite Daniel in the ass in the future, if Inara herself doesn't do so first...

Carter was just her technobabble self. Nice to know that a Dell computer can apparently interface with any advanced computer in the known universe (although I think Atlantis has already proven this without a shadow of a doubt). She had lots of little scenes of her making little pouty looks on her face when it came to being stumped with the Ori ship's technology, and she got to kick ass with a fucking Prior cane for God knows what reason. In the end, she did her part in somehow getting the shields of the ship down. But couldn't she have at least set a little self destruct sequence as well? Just a thought...

If there was one major flaw in Counterstrike that prevents it from getting my episode of the week, it was simply because that even after 200 pointed out how utterly convenient it was, we still had SG-1 beamed off of the Ori ship at the very last second to escape certain death. Couldn't they have at least ripped off a better cliche, like stealing fighters from the hangar bays like they did back in season two? And what the fuck was wrong with Colonel Emerson? I know he's a pure dumbass, but even with the Ori shields down, he still didn't even bother to try to spam the enemy ship with spreads of missiles or beam a couple dozen nukes onboard with anti-prior devices or some crap like that? WTF?...

Counterstrike was an episode with serious repercussions in the end though, which is one of the reasons why I truly did enjoy it in terms of the Ori arc. My heart sank when I first heard that Langara had fallen to the Ori, if only because I know that the writers hate the actor so damn much that fucking Jonas is probably now dead in a puddle of his own Team America piss. Of course, then my spirits shot right back up upon hearing that the advanced Serrakin world of Hebridan was also taken over, as thank the Ori gods or the Lords of Kobol or whoever for the fact we'll never have to be put through another shitasstic episode like Space Race all over again...

And poor ol' Dakara, destroyed at last. It was dumbass for the Jaffa to piss off the Ori like they did with the weapon (although it was somewhat expected, considering how desperate they've become), and it was even more dumbass for the Jaffa to put a weak loser like Set'ak into power. Counterstrike didn't make the Jaffa look very bright in the end, especially when their leadership started accusing earth of blowing up three Hat'ak vessels with the push of a button. But you gotta feel bad for the former bad guys still, one moment believing that they were the main power in the galaxy, and the next not even having a home anymore...

With Dakara, Chulak and Hebridan all gone, Earth (with perhaps the exception of the Nox) is now truly the sole remaining stronghold and the last bastion of hope for the Milky Way Galaxy. I can almost imagine a Stargate SG-1 series finale here and now, with the Asgard and Jaffa all sacrificing their lives and ships to protect our planet, and Daniel dying for the umpteenth time to buy us time, until we somehow manage to get the Ancient weapons platform in Antarctica to blow a hole right through the Ori fleet. Let's just hope that for the sake of Martin Lloyd's 200th episode of Wormhole Xtreme, that the earth doesn't get blown up just like Alderaan and everyone's precious Furlings did, shall we?...

Back in season one, I once said that if we ever got to see both Cheyenne Mountain and the Dakara weapon blow up in two straight consecutive episodes? That then and only then, could Stargate SG-1 ever finally be canceled, and that I'd be satisfied and alright with it...

But goddammit, I lied. I was trying to get laid, goddammit. I didn't actually think they'd do it...

But with episodes like 200, Counterstrike, and pretty much the entire 10th season of the show so far?...

The SG-1 writers, cast and crew, are all proving without a shadow of a doubt, that if they're going down?...

Why is it that every single episode with the word "Memento" in it, always ends up being not even the least bit memorable? WTF?...

Now, I can only hope that Memento Mori was just a post-it note for the final season of the series, intended to save money for the real episodes dealing with the Ori Mori and Mock and Mindy of the show down the road...

I mean seriously, an amnesia story? I already forget if SG-1 has tried that kind of shit before, but that's probably because I've already blocked it from goddam Goa'uld genetic memory. So why the fuck would the writers ever bother to try again? Did they block all their goddam past failures from memory too?...

Somebody please explain to me why Vala in her amnesiac state did not believe in the idea of gods and aliens and all that shit, when technically that's the crap that she grew up with as a child. Wouldn't she find the world of earth to be alien, considering I thought amnesiacs sort of revert back to the native tongue (or native planetary knowledge, in this case)? Memento Mori could've been much more memorable if perhaps she had actually gone back to her old village pretenses, the type she would've had before being taken host to a Goa'uld. But instead, we got fucking Val Venis in a dinner, showing off her struts to some fat ass, horny owner who was desperately hoping to tap some of that Star Wars ass...

There were only two scenes in the entire episode that I was willing to endure, and both of them dealt with the Daniel and Vala dynamic. The scene in the restaurant between the two of them was decently touching, and I got a hell of a laugh out of the fact that ol' Danny boy showed up to the place in a fucking mini-van of all things. And yes, we got the same kind of connection between the two actors in the final scene as well, when Jackson was blushing like a school boy on Viagra when Vala let rip with the news of their date a few weeks back. It's obvious that just like the Sheppard and Weir affair going on over in Atlantis, Memento Mori was simply supposed to be a romantic linking between Vala and Daniel, without ever being openly overt about it to the fucking 'shippers and haters there on the net...

Because I mean, was it just me, or did anyone else not just laugh at the fucking 'karaoke' reference here, but also kind of wanted to see it too?...

... or is that just the fucking inner Asian FOB in me, screaming to thrust out and sing my heart out?... I dunno...

Because besides that one comment? Did I even laugh once throughout the entire damn episode? Sure, I chuckled when the entire SG-15 team got slaughtered trying to save one damn member of SG-1, and yet nobody on the SGC base even batted an eye. And sure, that blonde skank of a chick playing Athena got a few fucking snickers out of me as well, seeing how the mighty Goa'uld have now become corporate stock traders on earth of all things. But really, even that Athena bitch couldn't save the show for me, considering that I actually used to adore reading stories of Aphrodite, Artemis and Athena (the triple AAA's, I used to call them) back in my youth? Couldn't the SG-1 crew at least have picked a decently hot and intelligent looking brunette chick (like I've always imagined) to play the part? WTF?...

Okay, well, I do admit that I guess I got a small semblance of entertainment from the sight of seeing Cameron Mitchell hand-cuffed to a fucking motel bed, naked without his goddam shirt or pants. And I'm sure Sam got a thrill out of it too, considering she's the one always catching him with his goddam pants down. I mean, it's obvious that the writers threw the ol' Farscape 'shippers a bone with the whole Vala and Cam shit with ice cream on the bed, and it's also obvious that the writers just wanted to keep the option of a Cam and Sam shit bag of tricks open for the future as well. But really, besides being a goddam teen angst soap opera, did Memento Mori do anything decent at all?...

Sam was barely visible at all, though at least I was relieved as hell that her goddam, so-called incognito leather jacket from season eight was goddam missing in action. Daniel meanwhile did get his two moments in with Vala, but all he did was look stoned, dazed and confused for the rest of the goddam show. Teal'c got to interrogate a Trust operative yet again in the ways that only Christopher Judge can do, then looked like a completely inept warrior when it came to that lame ass firefight at the end. And Cameron Mitchell got to try to look all badass in some generic motorcycle chase, but it just didn't feel right or natural without a) Sam the season five motorcycle chick riding shotgun, or b) without that goddam one-handed shotgun from Terminator 2 in Cameron's badass hand. WTF?...

At the end of Memento Mori, I guess we were meant to remember Vala finally getting the opportunity to join SG-1. Of course, I ended up blocking that fucking scene from memory too, considering goddam Landry made the whole moment suck fucking balls...

So why is it then, that every single episode with the word of "Memento" in it or some shit like that, always ends up being not even the least goddam bit memorable or even goddam likable? Is it some sort of cruel inside joke to the viewer or some crap like that? WTF?...

To be honest, I sadly enjoyed the Lucian Alliance episodes in the ninth season of the show sort of as a guilty pleasure. They were silly, campy, ridiculous fun that was just awesome to watch over and over again for the sheer thrills of all the explosions and stupidity. And I was hoping for more of the same from Company of Thieves, only to be disappointed on first glance...

I mean seriously, we start off the episode with the Odyssey getting its ass kicked, and then Colonel Emerson gets whacked by sheer overkill? Then we're reduced to some lameass scene of Carter actually crying for the first goddam time in the series since I think Cassie was about to be sacrificed way back in season one? Why the fuck are we supposed to care again? WTF?...

But yes, the second time I watched this episode? More of the little fun quirks of the Stargate universe finally began to shine through. It's not like I gave a damn about Paul Emerson in the first place, and obviously neither did that helmsman Marks either, considering he was making jokes and jabs about always being ready to press the "fire weapons" button by the time the hour was over. I mean, when you have Daniel fucking Jackson in the command chair of your ship instead of say the XO of the fucking warship, then you know the series has reduced itself back to Prometheus Unbound levels of infinite stupidity...

I mean seriously, was it just me, or did it feel absolutely ridiculous to hear the Lucian Alliance talk about Earth as if we were the true superpower in the galaxy?...

"The Tau'ri vessel is most powerful. You could not have possibly expected him to survive"...

WTF is he smoking? Is he talking about that fucking ship of ours that didn't even touch any of the three motherships attacking it? WTF?...

But yeah, while obviously it's not like Company of Thieves is quite in the company of such classics as Shakespeare, I did enjoy it enough on subsequent viewings to consider it my episode of the week. If only because it stole the award from a well written and acted Stargate Atlantis episode, that is...

I dunno though, there's just something wacky and silly and real campy ass fun when it comes to watching Vala beam bad guys out into space, watching them suffocate while doing that cute little darling wave of hers. I don't quite know why she switched roles with Daniel here (with Jackson being the pure dumbass comic relief this time around), but I didn't really mind considering I got a real kick out of watching Vala kick that ol' rust bucket of a cargo ship into cloaking. There were just a lot of little moments in there, like the hanger deck scene ripped straight out of Star Wars, that were just so ridiculous that it actually made her character seem goddam ingenious in the end...

Now, why in the end Teal'c didn't just get a goddam cargo ship from the Jaffa like he always does instead of trusting whatever the fuck Vala bartered for on the market, I really don't know. But I guess he really does just love getting his abs tortured and his ass raped by Netan and his goddam group of poker stick buddies...

Well, obviously it's not like Teal'c had much to do in Company of Thieves, considering he was tied up and left to rot in some cell for the bulk of the episode. And obviously Colonel Carter was pretty much just left in the background of the Odyssey, with her only personal moment being oddly when she turned me on as she turned that ol' little wrench in her hand on its side. Now, why the fuck she wasn't just raped by Anateo like any good girl would've been as the spoils of pirate conquest, I don't know. Unless that's the real reason why she was fucking crying like a bitch in the cargo hold, that is...

Company of Thieves was Cameron Mitchell's chance to shine though. And while obviously he probably fucked things up more than he helped out (would Netan even have found the Odyssey in time if Mitchell hadn't told him about it?), I did quite enjoy his over the top portrayal of a badass lieutenant in command. I loved how callous he appeared throughout the whole dinner table scene, embarrassing Netan while enjoying the fruits of his betrayal without even batting an eye. And I don't know, but I actually thought it was smart (though maybe unwise for new viewers) for the writers to have brought back the whole chemical disguise thing from way back in season five...

I mean, even though I knew Mitchell had jabbed that Jabba the Hutt guy in the arm with his whirly ring, I still was left dumbfounded when Netan suddenly showed up on the other mothership as I really had no clue what the fuck was going on. WTF was I smoking?...

... sigh... I guess episodes like this really do make me dumber by the second...

Now sure, Company of Thieves was far too morbid at the beginning yet far too ridiculous late ron for its own good at times. Logically speaking, there really wasn't much intelligence anywhere in the episode. I mean, in all seriousness, with the Ori conquering our entire galaxy and the Wraith knocking on our doorsteps, Earth is now all ready and willing and gung-ho to let loose the dogs of war on a goddam third front against the Alliance (or fourth if you include the remnants of the Goa'uld)?...

And apparently, SG-1 has always been the greatest antagonists for the Lucian Alliance? WTF?...

... enough for me to actually enjoy Company of Thieves the second time around...

... after that goddam chemical mindfucked into my forehead finally ran its course..."

I mean, when it comes to this week's episode of Stargate SG-1, haven't we all seen it all before in Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade already? Or at least, most viewers have. I personally haven't seen the film myself, but something about The Quest just seemed goddam redundant still, and it all just didn't feel right for a mid-summer night's dream of a cliffhanger...

The Quest obviously draws comparisons to Avalon last year, if only for the whole truth of spirit bullshit crap from Merlin and Morgan and co. But as far as I'm concerned, the search for the Sangraal reminds me more than anything else of the search for Thor's Might way back in season two. Thor's Chariot still ranks as one of my favourite damn episodes of all time, because it perfectly merged and blended the puzzles and illusions and mysteries with the action and threat all in one. That episode had everything, from first contact with the Asgard to O'Neill kicking some real Jaffa ass with claymores and shit like that. But really, what did The Quest have except for what literally amounted to a "mime field"?...

I expected big things from this week's episode, considering we all knew from previous year experiences that it would be a cliffhanger. But I was literally rolling my eyes at the end when I was half assuming that the earthquakes would knock Daniel flat on his ass, dangling for dear life off of the narrow bridge in what would amount to being a literal cliffhanger. Then again, I also half expected his grandfather and the giant fucking aliens from season three to return just like they did in The Crystal Skull, but I guess not all fantasies come true, perchance to dream...

Actually, the whole premise of The Quest just didn't seem right to me. Why would it be that Adria would literally give the solution of Merlin's riddle of Stargate addresses to her mother in her sleep, when we probably never would've solved the solution by ourselves in time? Sure, Adria perhaps was hoping to use Merlin's weapon on the Ancients in the Milky Way herself, but really, wasn't she rolling the dice here? Why not just assume we're all dumbasses who will never find the Sangraal ourselves, or why not just gate to the planet and blow it the fuck up with a goddam black hole? WTF?...

Now, I liked some of the puzzles that the SG-1 team came across, as some of them really did make sense. The time maze was an interesting concept (though I figured out the simple solution myself within seconds), the high charity one was definitely some real out of the box thinking (get it?... oh, nevermind...), the stupid ass holographic kid with a smug smile was entertaining enough, and I guess the combination of basic riddles on walls and a wall of fire was good enough to keep me mostly entertained for half an hour. But really, didn't it just feel so damn cheap and low budget in the end, as if the producers didn't even spend a goddam penny on this goddam episode? Hell, I even saw the actors in the time field move and sway with the goddam trees at times. I guess wind really is that damn powerful...

And WTF was wrong with the dragon? It looked two feet tall with shit ass CG. How the fuck am I supposed to give a shit about a wee baby dragon? Where the fuck were my real dragons reigning a hell of fire on their goddam asses?...

Seriously, what the fuck kind of trap was that? It was as dumbass as the one in Return of the Jedi. WTF?...

Because I dunno, but there was just something off about The Quest that I just can't place. Osric himself, even if he was really Adria in disguise, just felt so damn forced and artificial in all his acting that it was too damn obvious that something was wrong with him in the first place. The man didn't even hobble like a broken down hobbit properly, as obviously both Adria and the old man actor had no real fucking clue how to act the age properly. And I know it was all staged with the invasion of the village and everything, but did the Ori soldiers really have to go down from fucking arrows and bullets faster than even goddam Jaffa ever did? I mean, unless they were faking their pins and nail clippings shit, these are supposed to be the unstoppable armies of the Ori that are tearing the Jaffa nation to shreds? Are we sure they're not just underverse rejects from The Chronicles of Riddick instead? WTF?...

Even Ba'al's appearance seemed out of place. The only true defining moment he had was when he had to part with his dear knife, which might've been more significant if he boasted how it was his favourite from the time he tortured O'Neill or some shit like that. Besides that, he was told to "get a room" with the Orici (not that I would blame him if he did... God, was she ever hot in that bloody hell amour of an armour gear... I'll be in my bunk, by the way...) and made wee baby turtle quips which showed just how pathetic the Goa'uld really have become on the series in the past few years...

The only real strength in The Quest was obviously in each of the main characters, and I can barely even manage to write that with a straight face. Now sure, Carter got to tot around her goddam PSP, which gladly broke when push came to shove (as any Sony product would, especially those conveniently sold to early adopters right out of the holiday gate...), and at least it didn't take her forever to solve the prudence of the time maze. But I just wish she really did something else in the rest of the episode, besides being the foil for Ba'al more than any other character on the cast managed to be...

Actually, Teal'c did threaten to force Ba'al through the prison bars if the Goa'uld didn't come to help. But besides that, and by breaking "wind" (or the riddle of the wind, really), did Teal'c do anything else but flex when Vala called him "muscles"? Still, even though he was mainly a background character to match the hue of the walls of the Lord of the Rings mountain, he did have a significant presence. He's sort of like the silent bodyguard or bouncer of the team, and I dunno but that just seems to work for him sadly...

And oh, just before I forget? Since I did forget about him last week, even if he didn't rear his ugly uncle of an ass this week? Just for good measure, considering I'm bashing the hell out of The Quest anyhew, I might as well just point out that... ahem...

... Landry sucks. He sucks fucking Darth balls. And it ain't even funny at all...

Cameron Mitchell himself didn't get to make any jokes besides bitching at the bar maiden before their voyage, if I recall properly. I would've liked at least some sort of comic relief in The Quest amidst all the uber-serious talk of the underverse coming to pass, but whatever. Ben Browder just isn't very useful on the team if he isn't doing some slapstick comedy routine on a Lucian Alliance ship, or if he ain't totting around some G36K along with that goddam Sony PSP of his, blasting the hell out of random Jaffa as if he was playing his goddam SOCOM shit...

Vala tried to bring a smile to the screen with her god-awful night-wear and her little waving of the P90 at her daughter's shiny armoured ass. Besides that though, I was shocked that she barely had a role at all, especially considering this was Adria we were talking about here. Vala pretended to know how to solve riddles, then completely shut up when she admitted that she didn't have a single clue for any of them. I would've thought then that if the writers couldn't make her contribute to the cause whatsoever, that at least she would have more than just one short conversation with her own goddam evil bitch of a daughter. But I guess that was even too much for the writers to comprehend...

Adria herself though, was more interesting and more complex than I ever would've thought she would become. I don't know if the writers intended this though, but does anyone else notice that the girl has a huge fucking Elektra complex? No, she doesn't literally want to kill her mother, but she definitely wants Vala to become complacent and out of the way as a goddam rival. Instead, the whole episode through, Adria was fucking making moon eyes (or evil Ori eyes) at Daniel the whole time. Is it just me, or does she have a huge crush on the man that would be her step father, if only Vala ever got her way? Shall we also bring back Elektra's own mom from Atlantis' The Brotherhood just for a lovely double date of a ride then? WTF?...

And The Quest just wasn't my cup of apple tea either. The only character that was actually done justice throughout the entire damn episode was Daniel fucking Jackson, and even he started to bore me to tears. He was mostly quick on the word riddles, he was intellectual as hell when it came to solving the charity problem (I never would've thought of it), and he was as brave as he's ever been with the wall of fire (even if the same solution has been done in movies a thousand times fold in the past). It's just that, the final ten minutes of the episode really wracked and hurt my brain. If he knew Adria had no powers, unless he wanted to fuck her up the ass afterwards himself, why didn't he just push her off the goddam cliff and let the giant aliens from The Crystal Skull have their way? Maybe his grandfather could've gone apeshit on her ass, just for good measure in his stead...

Now, I normally do love my episodes with puzzles and riddles and academia shit like that. I really did enjoy Thor's Chariot long ago, enough to call it one of my favourite goddam Sci-Fi episodes of all time. And Avalon was a great season opener a year ago, but even that episode probably wouldn't have been able to stand either the tests of time or my own goddam lack of patience and prudence, if it didn't have Cameron Mitchell getting his ass absolutely handed to him by a goddam medieval knight...

We get no such benefits or wonderful badass memories to go by in The Quest (Part 1). Instead, it was a completely bland journey into the absolute middle of nowhere, with absolutely no action or any real memorable character moments to speak of whatsoever. WTF?...

Now, I could've forgiven it all if the writers had just done only one damn thing proper goddam justice...

Hell, they could've just left it up to the imagination, showed some brimstone and fire rising from the depths of the cavern as if the Diablo from Lord of the Rings was coming up to personally whoop their asses. The series didn't even need to show the fucking dragon in the first place, yet the CG team even fucked that up. WTF?...

Why the fuck didn't they just copy and paste a real fucking dragon from fucking Reign of Fire? WTF?...

... bah, that's the only real quest that I care for, the search for the fucking holy grail of dragons...

SG-1 completely failed in that regard. They must've drank from the wrong goddam chalice after missing the last rerun of The Last Crusade or some shit like that...

... at least I won't be agonizing over the second half of this cliffhanger for the next six months...

"I'm sorry, but I've just always loved tales of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table...

Hell, even as a little kid, I would stay up late watching the most god-awful, wretched cartoon shit about Merlin and crap like that. I don't know why I put up with that BS when I had much better shit to review in my mind at the time (Back to the Future, bitches...), but I just did...

And naturally, how the fuck could the inner child within not love the actual return of Merlin in The Quest (Part 2)? I never really liked the actor who played Moros in Stargate Atlantis in the past (and later Merlin on SG-1), as he never seemed to show the wisdom and the sort of magical conviction becoming of the most powerful man to ever walk the earth. But here, while he neither felt overwhelming powerful or like a real wizard in The Quest, he just somehow still felt like Merlin to me. An aged, withered, vulnerable version of the man I used to idolize as a child, but he certainly still had that spark in there that let me know that I truly was reliving the tale of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table in SG-1...

Hell, the writers even hinted at the old possibility of reincarnation from the tales of the Round Table. I mean, it kind of sucks that Vala was left out in the cold, and it wouldn't make sense for Ba'al to actually have been Mordred (since Ba'al has been alive for a ten thousand years). But hey, if Cam Mitchell really does look like Perceval? Does that mean then that Daniel really is Gallahad? Was Carter really Guinevere?...

Okay, so maybe there are a few remaining holes in that theory of mine. Either way, any episode is automatically amazing if General fucking Landry ain't in it, wouldn't you say?...

My favourite episodes of the past ten fucking years of SG-1 have all pretty much centered on Jack O'Neill or Daniel Jackson, and The Quest (Part 2) was no exception. While this episode doesn't quite rank right up there with The Pegasus Project from earlier in the season, there's no doubt in my mind that what Daniel did here with the Sangraal was really the spiritual successor to both The Fifth Race and The Lost City. Whether it was from yet another reappearance by the Ancient head-sucker thing, or perhaps because of all the times that RDA was mentioned in passing, The Quest (Part 2) really did somehow feel like an old skool episode of SG-1, with Jack and Daniel bantering away. Will wonders never cease?...

There were definitely some flaws in The Quest though, to drag it down. Obviously, as always, besides being fucking hot as hell, did Adria have any real purpose or presence? The pretense is there, sure, of trying to seem like a badass bitch with her powers. And don't get me wrong, I did love her Jedi show-down with the returning Obi-Dan Kenobi at the end, if only because the writers have forgotten about using weather as a weapon for far too long. But Morena or however you spell that Firefly slut's name, just isn't an imposing menace on screen. She's just too damn hot as hell with a cute as a fucking button baby-face to ever truly be a decent villain. Sure, I love the fact that she's on the show, just like with Lexa Doig as Caroline Lam, if only she would keep her mouth shut and just stand there pretty for the camera, that is. I call it the "Dr. Weir" situation, thank you very much...

And c'mon already, what the fuck kind of lame-ass battle was that at the start? I demanded dragons, and what did I get instead, but a frog with wings? WTF?...

Sure, I give the CG guys some kudos for getting the sound effects and the overall animation of the dragon to be somewhat Reign of Fire-ish in quality. But the actual look of the dragon? Did they really have to show just how low budget this series really is? Why did they have to ruin my dream of dragons? Why, goddammit, why?...

But even that colossal debacle had its moments, namely by Teal'c playing the hero. The big bruiser didn't do much in the episode, except beat and staredown at Ba'al the whole journey through. Still, it's the little things that Christopher Judge does that really brings a smile to my face. I mean, I'm sure I wasn't the only one who noticed that just like in The Lost City, Teal'c was just standing there shooting his gun at the end without any damn cover, yet never getting fucking hit by the endless amount of bad guys shooting right at him. WTF? And you gotta give props to the big guy with the big heart, for challenging the dragon like he did at the start. Sure, he failed miserably, but Stargate SG-1 always does need a good overdramatic run and a big ass C4 explosion to keep the viewers on their camel toes. How the fuck then can I possibly complain?...

Vala was a bit strange in The Quest (Part 2), but that was mainly because she seemed so damn emotional, and it wasn't all directed at Daniel. I mean, was it just me, or did she keep giving little flirty looks to Merlin of all aging sacks of balls, shying away like a teenage girl with an old man crush? WTF?...

But besides those awkward moments, I really do appreciate how she's grown as both a comical and serious character. I laughed when she seemed so damn giddy when screaming out the dragon's name of "Darryl", yet I really could empathize with her when she was tearing up during Mitchell's whole "team" lecture. She really has no problem with sacrificing herself, and you could see it in her eyes, but she couldn't bear to part with Daniel. She really does seem like she cares about him, or the actor really, if only because of the fact that I too would be jealous that Michael Shanks is boning a woman as fucking fine as Lexa Doig. I'm sure Vala wants a piece of that MD action too, if you know what I mean...

Mitchell never really feels like he belongs in stories about Ba'al or the Goa'uld or any of that other old skool SG-1 mythology, but he somehow fits in perfectly with the feel of the Round Table. Maybe the actor really is Perceval reborn then, I don't know. All I do know, is that he definitely had his moment of the season, if not the whole series, when he explained to Vala in plain black and white what it means to truly be part of the team. And you just can't fault the guy for running into the firefight at the end with all those Ori cannon fodder soldiers, running and gunning and blazing with really no concern for the fallen Ba'al whatsoever...

As for Sam? Carter really didn't do much except pose as a comic foil for Ba'al. Knocking him flat on his ass did get a cheer or two out of me, even though we all know that this was just yet another clone of the Goa'uld. Still, it's the little things in the episode I enjoyed, like Merlin shutting Ba'al up with a flick of the wrist. And Carter seemed to enjoy it all too, despite all the former system lord's comments about bigotry and racism and 24 shit like that. To be honest, you can actually feel more chemistry between Sam and Ba'al than you ever could with RDA. Well, RDA and Ba'al is a different story, I suppose, but that's besides the point...

Once again, I'll iterate that The Quest (Part 2) really was Daniel's episode, and Michael Shanks really did manage to shine like he has so many times in the series before. Even just listening to Merlin tell the stories of his past was amazing and captivating, only for the tables to be reversed as I was still hanging on every fateful word when Daniel had all of the former ascended's knowledge downloaded into his brain...

The rest of the episode mainly dealt with just fancy lights and colours as the brain-rewired Daniel virtually made a copy of the Sangraal for materialization, and obviously there's only so many Sci-Fi hologram effects you can take before getting bored. But honestly, if you weren't a fan of the Jedi showdown between him and the obviously horny as hell Adria, then you simply have no true inner geek in you. Who the fuck can possibly resist the scent and allure of a fucking dark Jedi bitch with massive, medieval cleavage to boot? Daniel sure as hell couldn't, as why else would he choose to save his friends and stay behind? Fuck, he got a free ticket to her room. I wish I could get that fucking lucky...

And if you didn't enjoy The Quest (Part 2), which was a huge improvement over the lacklustre first parter in every possible way? Then yes, you really don't have any real inner child in you leftover when it comes to King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. Or you just haven't seen enough goddam decent Star Wars films in your life (or sadly enough, actually enjoyed the prequel trilogy... either one...)...

The tenth and final season of SG-1 still can't come close to matching the quality that I loved from the ninth season of the show as the Ori were introduced, but episodes like The Pegasus Project and The Quest (Part 2) are truly edging the gap closer and closer. I love old Arthurian mythology, and I still can't express enough just how thankful I am to the writers, for bringing SG-1 as a series to a close with some of the best damn episodes they've ever written and produced...

... now, if only we could get one more season, this time based on Back to the Fucking Future?...

What classic, immortalized lines from one of the best SciFi series of all time...

I wish that Line in the Sand could've been right up there with Captain Picard tearing the universe a new one, but alas, it was just not meant to be. Last week's episode of Stargate SG-1 was definitely decent, with a lot of good moments and lines inbetween, but it just wasn't the classic I was hoping for when I first got so damn excited at its synopsis...

In concept, Line in the Sand was brilliant. Finally, earth scored another victory against the Ori, its first since The Pegasus Project. And once again, our fair little planet proved without a shadow of a doubt that we are really the only real threat and challenge to the Ori in our little backwater galaxy. I was just as excited as any nerd in a computer store when the Prior couldn't beat Merlin's little phase-shift device (although that does strike me as a bit strange, considering he should've at least been able to see them, Sodan cloak style...), and the base concept of phase-cloaking an entire village (or even a planet... pfft, like that will ever happen) to render it untouchable to the Ori was just geek-gasmic in nature. Why the hell the Tollans five years ago didn't ever think of this shit along with their isolationist policies, I guess we'll never know...

But in execution, I don't know, but it just didn't all come together as well as I thought it would. Watching Tomin as he called for the execution of all those hapless prisoners didn't even muster a shrug from me, and seeing the Prior torture Teal'c with his little light bulb that blinks just didn't do it for me either. This was also the first episode in a long while where Carter was on the mend, taking an Ori staff shot and playing the damsel in distress the rest of the way through. But something just didn't sit right with the execution of it all, as Sam really seemed to give up all hope far too easily, as if she had completely forgotten that she's been gutted by staff weapons before...

Sure, Carter had some classic lines. Even without RDA there, there still felt like a Jack and Sam connection, with the password of "fishing" on her pimped up laptop. I even kind of was touched by the writing there for a moment, how she was actually hoping for one of those "gods" she has fought for so long with science, to be real as she began to pass through heaven's gates. But all of it seemed just a tad bit too forced in the end, as we all knew that Carter would pull through. Her injury looked like nothing more than a "flesh wound", as Cam explained later, resulting in even more awkward shippiness when Mitchell was sharing with her his home cooking by her bedside later on. Wasupwidat?...

It was the Sam and Cam show, more or less, and while the two definitely work as close friends, they're far more brother and sister than they ever will be lovers (unless you're into the whole brother and sister lovin' thing, that is... ahem...). I guess the writers did a decent job in making Cam seem to care about Carter's predicament, and kudos to Ben Browder as well for furrowing that brow so convincingly. But really, maybe it was just my expectations and all, but I expected more kickass scenes from the military man like mocking the Ori Prior after the failed attempts to dephase them, or kicking that dead Ori soldier on the ground just for shits and giggles. Instead, we got a tame and passive Cam more or less, as if he had been completely goddam Helo pussy-whipped by Carter there in the corner. Must dumb blondes always be the downfall of the greatest of men? WTF?...

There was a decent firefight in Line in the Sand, I'll give it that. Who here couldn't resist the urge to "oo'rah" when Teal'c tossed a grenade at all those poor hapless Ori soldiers there, cowering for cover? It was cool (yet primitive... compared to the Asgard, at least) to see Ori fighters actually drop ring platforms onto the ground to transport ground troops in, and it was even more badass to witness Teal'c take out a whole mess of them as the Ori idiots just stood in place. Of course, besides that, I wish that Teal'c did something else in the episode. Instead, he was relegated to the silence of a monk more or less, shrouded in cover and forced to deal with little brats and primitive twits with barely enough knowledge to fire a fucking P90 straight at the enemy...

The more interesting half of the story actually took place on the Ori ship in orbit. I never really enjoyed Tomin as a character before, but you could actually sort of tell here in this episode that he does still care for Vala. And Vala herself, in her bittersweet goodbye to her ex-husband here in this episode, actually sounded for a moment like she cared for him as well. Either that, or I just found the delivery in her voice to be cute as she basically whispered, "come with me" or "come hither", or maybe that's just me. Either way though, as boring as the Origin tales were that Tomin was telling, the interactions between the both of them were actually the better part of the story. If only because of the threesome with the hellbent Prior as well, lurking in the shadows...

Seriously, this may have intrigued me, but it also baffles me, how the fucking Ori could've gotten their goddam book of Origin wrong. They fucking wrote it to trick humans into believing in them as gods, and we all know firsthand from talking to the Ancients and Ori themselves, that the Ori absolutely don't give a fuck if their Priors kill every single being in our galaxy (as long as they leave space available to grow more humans later on). So really, we all know from the "gods" themselves that wiping out the village in this episode just to take out Carter and Cam and co, was the right thing to do in the Ori's ascended eyes...

Yet according to the fucking Book of Origin, as Tomin quite candidly pointed out, the Ori long ago stated that as long as you claim to want to believe in their faith, then you're free to live and prostrate in their name. So basically, we have a weird conundrum here, with the Prior actually misinterpreting the word of the Ori from the Book of Origin (as Tomin states), yet we all knew here that the Prior was also following the exact word of the actual Ori in wiping out all the innocents off the face of the planet. That's one sure as hell fucked up religion then, as the Ori must be too damn lazy just to update their goddam books over the course of several thousand years. So technically Tomin was both right and wrong at the same time as he was bitching like a little girl at the Prior. WTF?...

Either way though, I did enjoy Line in the Sand for what it was worth. It had some good action scenes, a lot of decent Cam and Sam banter, and we finally got Teal'c kicking ass for once (even if it was only for a moment). And hell, I never thought the return and probable death of Tomin could actually raise one of my eyebrows, let alone two, yet it was nice to see him stand up to the Prior for his wife...

... because I guess he was truly the only one who took to heart the religion of fucking Star Trek...

When I first heard about this episode a while ago, I personally was hoping that it would be a road not taken by the writers, considering they very rarely pull off a decent episode when it comes to the whole multiverse thing...

Hell, the synopsis for The Road Not Taken sounded almost exactly like There Be The Grace of God from way back during the first season of the show. Why the fuck were we supposed to care about Carter, taking care of business against the Ori in an alternate universe anyhew?...

The thing is though, while The Road Not Taken definitely did have its share of eye-popping effects as I first suspected (seeing the entire earth phase-cloaked to protect it from the Ori was definitely more than note-worthy), I was completely wrong about this episode in the end. It wasn't really about the Ori or yet another zany multiverse episode where all actors get to play polar opposite parts (except for Cam, that is). But rather, almost every personality in this alternate universe that Carter was pulled into was exactly the same at the core as our own universe...

... the only real difference being, the Stargate program had gone public after the Anubis attack...

A lot of fans have wondered for a long time whether revealing the Stargate secret to the world's population would've helped or improved things in the long run. I mean, just imagine if all the United States of America (and Canada too, just for shits and giggles...) was working at the war factories, putting 110% into mass-producing Daedalus-class battlecruisers and F-302's, the same kind of production we came to expect from World War 2. Of course, a lot of rabid warmonger fanboys keep dreaming of the day that we have fleets of dozens of intergalactic starships, and the Stargate program going public is probably the only way that would ever occur...

But here in The Road Not Taken, the writers went with the MIB approach of things, and showed us their own version of what the world would be like if we constantly believed that peril would descend from the heavens. There was rioting in the streets, marshall law and curfews at nights, restrictions on media free speech, and even attacks on foreign countries using our F-302's. While the world wasn't quite as hellish as perhaps the writers would've liked us to believe, it definitely wasn't the rosy and cozy place we've come to know as home. Whether a state of martial law really would be required if the Stargate program in real life went public (...), I guess we may never know. But suffice to say, the possibility of it screwing up everyone's happy lives here on earth definitely is now looming over our heads...

The Road Not Taken was also a spectacularly entertaining episode in terms of all the little character changes and interactions here and there. It was interesting to see Cam as a old drunkard of a tossed-aside fighter pilot, the kind of path he might have taken if he didn't have the will power to make it back to his feet. Now, I think we all could've done without that ol' brown mop that they placed on his head, the same shit that somehow attached its way to Daniel's mug back in season eight's Moebius. But even so, I really did think Ben Browder did a great job in displaying his dismay at the goddam politics and ramifications for standing up to The Man...

You know, I would've suspected that an episode so heavily focused on Hank fucking Landry would've sucked fucking balls in the end. Turns out though, that it's only "General Landry" that sucks darth balls, while "President Hank Landry" was actually a good man in the end. Well, an entertaining one at the least, considering the writers tried to make him into some dumb hick of a warmonger president (hmm... wonder who they were channeling there?...). He was well intentioned, and he did what he had to do to save the country both from the Ori and itself. In hindsight perhaps, you could argue that he never really had a choice in the matter, or at least he didn't three years ago. Either way, I personally thought it was the actor's best performance on the series in ages, as I even found myself captivated by the return of Prometheus as his own personal, "Air Force One"...

The bizarro world that Carter had landed herself into definitely had its perks. Seeing zats and Goa'uld torture pokers used in public was one thing, and having the president beamed up to the Prometheus for security measures was another. For a budget episode, The Road Not Taken was definitely surreal at times, its believability ruined at times only by the poor CG effects of all the lights in America being extinguished for the Ancient chair at hand. I personally welcomed this change in scenery though, when it comes to the Stargate being public and perhaps being feared by the public. And hell, I was kinda half hoping for those goddam hippie signs of, "The Ori are misunderstood; religious freedom!" too, but I guess we can't win them all...

The fans definitely did get a few great scenes though with some absolutely awesome cameos. While last year, we at least got Doc Frasier making a return, I was really disappointed that General Hammond never really made a "real" appearance. Chalk it up to an alternate universe episode then for the main teddy bear of a man to finally make his true return, as for the first time since The Lost City, Don Davis really delivered a great performance. He was torn between defending his friend, Hank Landry, and defending his own principles of civil liberties. He was a strong leader once more, who in the back of his mind always realized that while some harsh things must be done to preserve the lives of the people, sometimes the ends just do not justify the means. I missed this version of General Hammond, and it's just ironic that it took an alternate universe of an episode to get him back...

Just one question though. Who the fuck is this "Major Lorne"? You're talking about that lowly surveyor of a useless red shirt from season seven's "Enemy Mine", who's actor couldn't find a job anywhere else at the time, begged for a position on Stargate Atlantis, and now is ditching that show too for the 4400? How the fuck did he of all wannabe bastards become leader of SG-1 in the alternate universe over Sam, I have no clue. Either way though, he provided only one decent scene in the entire episode, and that was when he was shaking his head at the photo between Sam and her divorced, dotcom millionaire of an ex-husband...

And speaking of good ol' Rodney McKay? Has there ever been an episode of SG-1 where he hasn't fucking stolen the show? He was the one true saving grace of Moebius (along with geeky Carter), and he did it once again here while playing Samantha Carter's "ex-wife"...

It's weird, really, how an SG-1 episode in the end would somehow play the spiritual successor to Atlantis' McKay and Mrs. Miller. But all the little references here, from the universal bridge that McKay once created to even getting along with his sister in the alternate reality, made The Road Not Taken into definitely one of my favourite episodes of the season for both series. How the fuck can't you love an hour of television where Rodney is all pumped up from being called "brave" and "selfless", only to be shot down with a fucking lie from the backstabbing woman who looks exactly like his dead ex-wife? What a fucking bitch he would probably say, along with Carter being "more trouble than she's worth"...

And WTF? Did anyone else get the impression by the end of the episode, that our Carter was sort of falling for that universe's Rodney McKay? I guess you could argue that she was simply showing some respect for the man that she got caught in her web of politics, but really, did anyone else feel a tad bit of chemistry when they were nudging each other in the shoulder at world's end? Was it just me, or with Carter going to Atlantis next season, we may get a bit more of our little dynamic science duo here? Because if The Road Not Taken is any real indication of how Atlantis season four will play out, then it definitely is the road that I want the writers to take...

As much as I loved McKay though, this was truly Amanda Tapping's episode, and she really did manage to shine. Not only that, but hot damn, she was blistering hot as a fucking MILF with that dress she wore to the celebrity ball, and she was cute as fuck throughout the rest of the show as well, especially when she was with McKay. What is with the actress and always bringing her A-game of being absolutely adorable in the second half of each and every season? I really don't know, but how the fuck can I ever complain about a combustible combination of hot fucking blondeness along with a science girl capable of phase-shifting the entire planet of earth away from the weapons of the Ori? She truly was a perfect woman in this episode, and I really don't get how McKay could've ever let a girl let that get away...

... as we know our own Rodney McKay would never let that happen, whether Carter wants it to or not...

Now, it's kind of weird to be praising an episode that was anything but a real SG-1 team-oriented showing. Cameron Mitchell barely got any screen time at all, except wearing a fucking mop in an alternate universe, and admitting that he had been talking to an empty room in the base for two fucking weeks to keep Carter company. Hell, that was the only purpose of Teal'c and Vala either, as little sidekicks of happy meal humour at the end really...

And yet? I really did feel a nice sense of closure there by the end of the episode, as if felt like everyone in this alternate universe had learned their lesson. Hammond refound his respect for civil liberties, President Hank Landry was back on his course to saving the world not just from the Ori but from his own war doctrines, and hell, McKay had perhaps refound his love for life, despite the fact he took a fucking huge paycut thanks to the goddam government...

As for back at home? Cam and Teal'c and Vala were just so damn happy to have Carter back, and Sam herself was just so relieved to be back home, that their adoration for one another was simply goddam infectious...

As that adorable little hug that Vala gave Carter at the end? The way they cuddled and fondled each other then and there?...

"No episode has been so damn shrouded in mystery as this week's Stargate SG-1...

Short story short, The Shroud has absolutely been my most anticipated episode in the series since The Pegasus Project. Or even moreso than that newly crowned classic of an episode turned out to be, as who the fuck could possibly resist the threat of Daniel Jackson becoming a Prior of the Ori?...

When the tenth season of the show started, the writers and producers spoke of a new season long arc for Daniel, where he would slowly turn towards the dark side of the force, so to speak. It had already begun in Prototype with Khalek last year in some respects, and his outbursts against the ascended Ancients in The Pegasus Project spoke volumes as to where Daniel's storyline was going for the season. When I first heard of the synopsis for The Shroud, I was literally begging for this episode to come in anticipation of what I honestly expected to be an amazing character piece between good and evil and beyond. What I expected, was an episode about saving Daniel Jackson's heart and soul...

... what lofty expectations... and suffice to say, they were a bit too high and ultimately exaggerated in that regard...

The Shroud was an overall excellent episode, but obviously you two readers out there can already forbode that it was not quite the showing that I had hoped from the series. Don't get me wrong, I was still amazed and astounded by the writing and the acting throughout this week's episode Stargate SG-1. It's just that, the plotline for The Shroud was just not what I was expecting in the end, as we really got more of a bottle episode of comedy than anything else truly relating to the epic hearts and souls of man like I had initially expected...

We did get the return of Richard Dean Anderson as General Jack O'Neill, and for the first time since perhaps Threads, he really had a great and pivotal role in the series. That's the weird thing though, his acting here in The Shroud, it almost felt like the actor hadn't missed a beat. He talked and spoke and waltzed in like he had never left the base or the show in the first place. There was basically no catching up to do, no hello's or fateful goodbye's you'd expect from what could possibly turn out to be RDA's very last appearance on the series he once produced...

Jack O'Neill was simply there as a friend, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the audience hasn't really seen him in true form for the last two whole years. It felt weird and perhaps a tad bit off to notice that nobody else on the cast and crew seemed to be wondering what the heck RDA was doing there. Then again, it was also a welcome change of pace for us as an audience to not be thrown through the hoops and the motions as to the return of the true patriarch of the series...

And RDA truly did shine here in The Shroud, in the kind of way that I still so sorely miss back from the old days of Stargate SG-1. Hell, even Abyss (one of the best SG-1 episodes ever made) was referenced here by Daniel, as honestly, the show just hasn't been the same without that good ol' Jack and Daniel banter of yonder yore. Like I mentioned before though, it just kind of felt weird how the two of them just jumped right back into their old gimmick of firing quips at one another, yet it also felt familiar and comfortable, like slipping on an old pair of shoes, so to speak. Because honestly, who the fuck can't get enough of Jack and Daniel firing away at one another over Daniel's loyalty in the past, whether Woolsey would turn out to be a total pompous ass yet again or not, or how great of a look that Daniel was sporting as a goddam Prior...

It was just... weird... to see Michael Shanks doing his patented comedic looks while painted with the face of a goddam Prior... weird, indeed...

In effect, that's why I'm still iffy on The Shroud, so to speak. I really expected it to be a dark-sided, or perhaps double edged of a sword of an episode, with Richard Dean Anderson returning as Jack O'Neill to bring Daniel back into the light side of the fold. But alas, that's not what The Shroud was really about, as really the episode amounted to Jack and Daniel on the ZPM cloaked Odyssey, talking about Jackson's master plan to use the last of Merlin's knowledge and magical might to send the newly finished anti-ascended weapon all the way to the Ori galaxy...

It was indeed an episode of trust, of Daniel convincing Jack and the others that turning off the Supergate was the right thing to do, and I did love all the acting and performances that were done in true form. Whether it was Jack and Daniel dancing around the topic of the anti-Prior device, or the restraints that the good doctor was locked in, or the fact that Daniel looked like whatever freak of the week Jack cited that he resembled, I really did enjoy almost every second of The Shroud. It's just that, it wasn't the true heir of a classic of an episode that I thought it would immediately become, truthfully in part because of my own expectations, and half because the plotline and the ending all just seemed a tad bit rushed and a tad bit forced for my own goddam liking...

But then, of course, can I really fault an episode for having Adria look this fucking smokin' goddess hot?...

First she starts sexing up her mom's love interest, then turns Jackson into her own personal pimp of a sex slave. Can you smell the fresh Elektra love in the air tonight?...

But honestly, except for the ugly ass Prior look, what SciFi geek wouldn't fall in love with the dark side of the force if Morena is the one preaching it? Now sure, the battle of wits in this episode, between Daniel and Adria (with both Vala and Merlin filling in the love triangle tryst), could've been executed better than just short little flashback sequences. But I admit, even I was questioning what was going on at the end for a moment, when Daniel beamed onto the Ori ship and almost convinced Adria that he had conned the people of earth into finishing the weapon for them against the Ancients. In that retrospect, The Shroud was superbly written and excellently executed...

Or perhaps, it was just my inner hopes rising there, kind of wishing that perhaps Daniel was indeed turning into the villain of the story that I had hoped he would become from the synopsis. Who really knows?...

Because I don't know, some of the scenes just didn't seem to click with me, whether it was because of my own expectations or not. Having Vala sit on Daniel's lap, telling him that she trusts him completely, yet refusing to remove his restraints thanks to a shred of doubt, felt more like text read straight from a teleprompter than anything filled with real emotion. I'm not saying that the actress didn't do a good job in her delivery, but it's just that, the scene didn't work considering we as an audience kinda knew that Daniel there wasn't a real threat. It in turn felt like an extended scene used as filler for budget reasons, as really we felt no real merit to whatever concerns Vala might've had. And if anything, not enough of her own personal feelings for Daniel were written into that scene in my own personal opinion, although the tears in her eyes and her breaking throat of a voice earlier on before they had captured Daniel as a Prior, felt genuine enough for me right from the start...

Teal'c came in to give his respects to his long time friend as well, although once again, the writers didn't seem to use Christopher Judge's acting chops to their best potential. If anything, I would've expected more tales of how Daniel and co had trusted Teal'c numerous times in the past simply on blind faith and friendship, yet instead we got no mention of anything from the good ol' days of SG-1. Instead, Teal'c was the one doing the questioning, getting Daniel to reveal the intricacies of his plan and how he was afraid the Ancients might intervene if he had completed the weapon himself. I personally did like the plot points scattered here and there, but I just didn't feel the kind of connection between Teal'c and Daniel that once used to be there in the past, especially considering Teal'c was once the first prime of the greatest of Goa'uld at the time, not to mention the man who killed Daniel's first fucking wife...

It was weird too, how Sam and Cam never really bothered to check in on Daniel after it seemed like the anti-Prior device was working. Well, Cam I can understand, considering he's been the one with the least amount of exposure to Daniel in the past, but as for Carter? Why was she holed up in the backroom, running simulations on Mark IX warheads detonated behind Stargates anyhew? Not that I didn't like that plotline (kudos to her, for her own personal second blown up Stargate in history), but it just felt devoid of emotion, considering I had expected this episode to be all about bringing Daniel back to our side of the spectrum. After Daniel had sent SG-1 to the Ori ship per his plan, the rest of the episode merely consisted of Sam and Cam playing superheroes, taking out Ori soldiers with ease and then getting their ass whooped by Adria in the end...

Indeed, The Shroud was all about Daniel and Jack, Jack and Daniel, not that I had any real problem with that (Abyss still stands as one of my favourite episodes, like I stated before). And once again, don't get me wrong, I loved the comedy bits between the two. Whenever Daniel was freaking out in his chair, whenever Jack was admitting that he never understands what others are saying, and whenever the two were agreeing that while some things change, other things stay the same? I certainly laughed, and I certainly felt nostalgia for the yonder days of Jack and Daniel banter of old...

And if only my own goddam expectations for this episode weren't at their highest for Stargate SG-1 in goddam years? Well, then...

... then maybe I wouldn't be feeling so much like joining the dark side of the force here myself, to be honest...

Because like I said, I did love The Shroud. But it just wasn't the instant classic that I was hoping it would be...

... though without a shadow of a doubt, it was still one of the best episodes that the series has done in years, and absolutely Richard Dean Anderson's best damn performance since he left the series with Threads...

I'm still left with lingering threads of my own when it comes to The Shroud though. I'm still not satisfied with how it finished, dangling on the notion that the ascended Ori in their own galaxy had been wiped out by Merlin's wave of a bomb. We do witness five or six more Ori ships entering our own galaxy through the reopened Supergate, but we never get confirmation whether their gods are truly dead. Because if the actual Ori truly are gone (or at least neutralized, as that's how the Asgard made the energy weapon sound last season), then obviously I can't help but be ultimately disappointed, for such great villains to be dismissed after just five minutes of action on the series...

Then again, watching Daniel lay the smackadown on Adria's buttery, candy ass sure was sweet as hell. Hell, I'd too fucking smack her behind with my extended hand and fist any fucking day of the week, and I'm sure Jackson sure will miss that now that he's returned back to his former human self...

And what RDA and Michael Shanks episode would not be complete without a ruffle of the hair and a fucking fruit basket for their trials and tribulations? Or hell, a gift card, or even a fucking coupon to Amazon.ca would be welcome, yet silence is the only golden thanks that earth ever seems to get...

The Shroud truly was an amazing and captivating episode, and definitely will go down as one of the best of season ten...

But once again though, I'll be perfectly honest. I expected more... and I wanted more...

After ten seasons of fighting gods and slaying demons, I wanted Daniel to question his faith, only for his friends to struggle to restore the true heart and soul of the SG-1 team...

But now, I guess before the series ends, we'll never really get that... and I'm okay with that, I suppose...

... though perhaps, it's true nature was just a tad bit too shrouded for its own good..."

I really, really, ridiculously don't understand what's with me lately and dumbass entertainment, but I just found Bounty to be such a delectable little guilty pleasure of the sort. Now sure, there was really absolutely nothing decent that came out of this episode in the end, and it completely didn't fit into the whole arc of the season considering The Shroud just aired last week, yet still? It was just so dumb yet just so damn entertaining, how Daniel is now spending his time chatting up some leather-clad bitch in a library after being captured by the enemy for God knows how long?...

Speaking of that evil Bounty bitch though, my God was she ever hot. So fucking hot, She had my heart racing like a runaway freight train...

Because you know something just ain't right, or at least everything is going right, when a bad girl mofo can be offed by a fucking bus in the middle of the street, and yet I end up rolling on the floor in laughter rather than raising than Teal'c eyebrow in stupefication. Bounty was just that kind of slapstick, dumbass sort of SG-1 comedy that I tend to fall in love with this time of the season. While obviously I have my regrets that an episode in the final season of the series was used up for something like this rather to close loose Threads, I have to honestly admit that I kind of enjoyed Bounty more than any other hour of television this week...

How the fuck can't I fall in love with an episode about innocent, old high school crushes? Especially one with a hot fucking blonde for a stalker-type obsession...

Yeah, yeah, so yet another DeLuise managed to shove her way onto the show. The thing is though, I was pleasantly surprised in this Kansas of a Pleasantville that Cam and Amy really did have a lot of chemistry. Hell, I was even swooning a bit as they kissed and held each other at the end, simply because the two really somehow felt right for each other, more than that Pete of a DeLuise ever felt right with Carter. Cam has always been an old fashioned type of hick, and I don't know, but it kind of makes sense that he would keep in his heart the only real crush he had from way back in high school. He's not really one to let go of tradition, or let go of the past...

And hey, how the fuck can't I enjoy an episode with so much lovely techno-toys in the end as well? Finally, earth has its first officially working, non-ARG, non-Anti-Kull-Warrior, energy type of weapon? w00t? And as for that Asgard, Chimera-Optics-Projection System, wouldn't it be awesome if Carter was able to at least adapt that to the Daedalus-class Battlecruisers? Not only could they do recon free of danger on board of Wraith Hive Ships on Atlantis then, but they could even use the system to generate holographic decoys of missiles whenever they feel like bombarding an entire fucking Replicater continent all over again with Mark IX nukes...

I don't know why, but I just found there to be some kind of intangible, indescribable sense of old school enjoyment from even the simplest little scenes between Carter and Dr. Lee. I snickered along with Sam as the actual working prototype of the earth plasma weapon was made to short-circuit in front of the crowd, and who the fuck wouldn't applaud the demo where Carter actually sniped off a would-be assassin with the same said, busted ass weapon? Hell, I even was ready to give Lee the pimp hand seal of approval there, considering he was making more small talk with hot and geeky girls (*EXTRA HAWT*), more than I sadly ever managed to do in fucking high school...

... sigh... he was even making time with a hot, blonde geek bitch... sigh, if only...

Meanwhile, Teal'c finally found his niche on the series again, as the shirtless, black and jakked Jaffa with a badass mark on his forehead. Sure, he spent the majority of his time either confused or laying helpless on a bed as a decoy, but damn it was still nice to get Teal'c back with his old Jaffa friends just one more time. Bra'tac was finally mentioned again for the first time in ages, and since when have we last seen Teal'c with a staff weapon? As badass as he's been on the SG-1 team with the P90 and MG251 or whatever, Bounty just felt like a nice little flash back to the old days when being a Jaffa actually meant something to the massively muscled guy...

And as mentioned before, Daniel was weirdly enough off by himself, doing so randomly irrelevant research while being too gay for Jack last episode to ever go out on impulse with that hot fucking bitch of an assassin here. Hell, he didn't even try to pick up any of the hot chicks at Cameron's little high school soiree, not even that psycho nametag girl who I'm sure would've been right up the alley and ass of mop-haired Daniel back in good ol' Moebius. And yet, no matter how out of place or out of phase Daniel's whole storyline was in this episode, I still marveled and laughed as he even made Scooby Doo references at the end. Seriously, WTF?...

And every fucking scene with Vala in it was gold. I don't know how or why, but whether she was talking about the 60's with Cam's mom, having her photo taken with a giant fucking bee, or just being plain bent over by Ventral or Beckham or whoever that fucking Sunshine of a BSG boy was, Ms. Mal Doran was simply at the top of her game. I absolutely adored the scene where she was at the tin can shooting range, with her absolutely perfect delivery of being part of "accounts - receivable", and she was smokin' hot as hick fuck when she was in her Daisy Dukes of Hazzard outfit, probably wooing that good ol' blonde obsession of Cameron's all the way over to her side while she was at it....

And hell, I don't know how she pulled it off in just one episode, but Vala even had chemistry with Darrell, enough so that I even found it pleasantly surprising that the girl had enough loyalty to both Tomin and Daniel not to swab the floor and the deck and the high school photocopier with the guy. Because honestly, when it comes to loyalty, what real marriage would be complete without the bitch getting screamed at by her man, "WAIT IN THE CAR!!!"? She and Cam really do have a bond, a real connection at the strands of the soul. You can just really feel it, you know?...

Oh, Cameron. How sorry I feel for you at times. You can't ever date Vala Mal Doran thanks to a previous fucking life, and even though you have all the spaceships and Asgard transporters of the universe at your disposal, you're still fucking forced to drive a goddam fucking, Ford Taurus of all shitty ass cars? Fuck...

... once again, why am I feeling a personal sense of high school, deja vu here?...

Because I don't know, but Cameron Mitchell helped make me relive my own high school crush here with his own little stalker of an obsession, for better or for worse, really. Because completely unlike Smallville's fucking vile shit of Trespass this week, Bounty actually made me savour and enjoy the little trip down memory Lane here. Whether Cam was falling out of his chair from falling in love with the blonde bitch (which I've done, suffice to say...), or whether he was begging to be slapped by the girl just to get some more goddam kinky attention (fuck, I've done that too...), I just really thought that Mitchell was at the top of his game here...

It was nice too, to see his family again for the first time this season, and it was even greater that he and Vala got some healthy servings of Pecan Pie to ship back to Trip Tucker over there on Atlantis when push comes to bug baiting shove...

Because truthfully? The only real engaging element missing from this episode that would've pushed it over the top, was the sound of cheesy, German 80's music while Cameron was laying the kung-fu smackdown on some would-be assassin's ass...

Well, at least we still got a gas shortage, a flock of seagulls, and a fucking hot chick run over by an even hotter fucking bus...

How the fuck can't I give two thumbs then to Bounty, the definitive quicker, picker-upper?...

... it was just so damn retardedly simple and stupid, that it was just so fucking, freakin' goddam brilliant in the end...

Because, sigh... it's nice to know that I'm not the only one still hung up on some blonde crush from goddam high school...

... though completely unlike Cam, make no mistake, I sure as hell ain't no stalker...

... because oh, if only?... if only, just like Amy, my bitch had given up on her prom date just to wait for me to ask?...

... sigh... if only... I guess though, we'll never really know, now will we?...

... it took ten years for the writers to finally come up with an episode title as brilliant as?...

Suffice to say, as soon as I heard the name of the episode, the first thing to come to mind was that it would turn out to be a complete, fucking waste of an hour. And in any other circumstance, I would've been right...

And why wouldn't I be? This is the tenth and final season of SG-1, and yet the writers have wasted their final string of episodes with fluff like Bounty and Bad Guys? Throwaway fillers that have absolutely nothing to do with the Ori arc or provide any sense or closure to the central cast of characters whatsoever?...

The thing is though, like I mentioned last week, I enjoyed Bounty for what it was worth...

... and strange enough to say, I kind of didn't mind Bad Guys either, if only out of sheer nostalgia...

Looking ahead at the final arc of episodes for SG-1 as a series, Bad Guys was essentially the last look we'd get at the good ol' days of the Goa'uld. Now sure, when taken along with the Ori arc, it made no sense for an episode to take place in a fucking museum with completely forgettable guest characters. But really, knowing that we may never see this kind of old skool Stargate memorabilia shit again? As a fan of the series since the second fucking season, it was nice seeing a few Horus helmets, a good ol' fashioned naquada bomb, and hell, even the Stargate finally being the central focus and premise of the series just once more...

Even the episode format itself was a throwback to the days back when SG-1 would get into trouble, only to spend the next hour bluffing their way out of whatever kind of off-world situation they would find themselves in. Even without Richard Dean Anderson and Amanda Tapping in the fold this week, I must admit that Bad Guys did have a bit of an old fashioned SG-1 feeling to it, as it could almost fit in perfectly as a (Jonas) episode from season six or seven. While normally I would just consider that to be shit, the nostalgic in me just can't shake the feeling that this very well may be the last bottle of a filler episode left in the SG-1 tank, and just part of me is telling myself to savour the wine and cheese while I still goddam can...

Now obviously, Bad Guys on the outside was a truly atrocious, bad fucking episode. We had horrible guest stars like the stiff, stone cold of an actor who played the computer brand of Cicero, and then there was that god-awful, anything-but-funny rip-off of Die Hard's John McClane. Fuck, Die Hard is such a great fucking movie, that it deserved a far greater homage than this kind of bad fucking story-telling bullshit. The real John McClane would've eaten the guts out of the fucking writers for screwing up his motherfucking shit so bad...

The overall plotline was just so fucking dumb, and the writers damn well knew it. Here SG-1 was, without Carter no less, stuck in a museum after being mistaken for anti-government rebels. Here we had a situation, where nobody but the worst guest actors possible even remotely believed in whatever the fuck the SG-1 team had to say about being aliens from another world. As a result, we were reduced to a teen angst, Smallville-quality scene between two ugly bitches (well, okay, so maybe the dark brunette was decent...) in two horrible foreign dresses, going at each other while Daniel was eyeballing the fugly one he'd sadly prefer to pillage and plunder...

But that's just the thing. Bad Guys was just such a ridiculous dumbass episode, that the main actors actually seemed to have enough fun with it to make the show enjoyable in the end. I sure could use a primer on just what Daniel put into the drinking water when he was lecturing the bitchy couple on the "etiquette" of being a hostage, because no matter how not-funny the scene felt in script, I actually found myself laughing at just how goddam ridiculous it was. Hell, pretty much everything that Michael Shanks pulled off this episode, whether he was obsessed with the fucked up writing on the walls of the museum or running like a school girl from an angry alien swat team, I just thoroughly enjoyed how much the actor actually seemed to be enjoying his time on the series here...

And considering it was actually during the filming of Bad Guys that the cast and crew first learned that the SG-1 series had been canceled? It's no wonder then, why they all seemed to truly make the most of every moment they had on screen, no matter how goddam atrocious the story and script may have really been...

Teal'c was barely anywhere to be found, yet he just seemed to have some added oomph in whatever he did. His Die Hard reference brought a smirk to my chin, and the big lug was smiling and sporting a wily grin of his own after zatting the dumbass councilman for no real reason whatsoever. Teal'c barely even got to fire his P90, but fucking goddam, at least he got to look badass while dual-wielding along with those kickass Halo SMG's that the alien security team seemed to have (which if memory serves me right, are real earth guns that have also ironically been used in BSG, but that's a story for another day...)...

Vala and Cam were basically joined at the hip this episode, and I really could've done without the goddam stupidity of the whole stealing-of-the-naquada-bomb routine. Getting caught by that pale imitation of a John McClane of a security guard had me rolling my eyes as well at just how the fuck the writers ever could've thought this episode would turn out decent off paper, yet for some odd reason, I pretty much enjoyed every other little subtle thing that the two Farscape characters had to say or do. Maybe it's because Claudia Black and Ben Browder have both been down this path before, being on a great (sort of... well, not really...) SciFi show that was canceled? But still, I just enjoyed their sass whenever they got share some banter, whether it was about arguing over first contact with other worlds or just bitching and complaining about accidentally arming the goddam bomb...

Sure, Bad Guys had its fair share of faults, besides a shitty ass script and writing. We really could've used some of Amanda Tapping here, besides just an offshoot of a reference to her time in the alternate world. And of course, how the fuck can I ever enjoy a fucking scene with goddam General Landry? Fucking bastard was smug as hell that he was the president in the other realm, when he should've just shot himself after realizing what kind of fucked up world he had created according to Carter...

But "Bad Guys"? No matter how goddam disastrous and fucking out of order the writing on the walls may have all been for this episode, there was just a little something, something extra about everyone's performances here, that pushed it to the point where I actually didn't mind losing an hour to this shit. I was shocked, dazed and confused by all this, but somehow, the cast and crewed willed themselves into making a decent episode out of literally the corn dog shit that I stuff back up my ass...

As apparently, it took the writers ten fucking years to think up the brilliant title name of "Bad Guys"...

... but as soon as everyone on the cast and crew learned that SG-1 had been canceled?...

... it only took this one episode for them to realize, that every moment left in the series counts...

"It's Oscar night. And suffice to say, I'd much rather be watching an episode of Stargate SG-1, thank you very much...

I just never thought there'd be an actor or actress from the show that I felt would actually deserve an Academy Award...

... well, besides Richard Dean Anderson, Michael Shanks, Don S. Davis, and Amanda Tapping, of course...

It's no big secret that the big Jaffa guy hasn't had the greatest of acting performances throughout the ten seasons of Stargate SG-1. Well, not on a consistent basis mind you, but he definitely did have his moments. Probably the best he ever did was season five's Threshold, where we finally learned of his backstory and origins as First Prime of Apophis, but besides that, I'm drawing a blank here. He's always been a great character, and even a decent enough writer in season six, but he never really felt like a true star on the team. Not for ten damn years and countless damn episodes, at least...

Talion was definitely an above average episode, although it's kind of easy to please a guy like me whenever there's a great choreographed fight in there. Because really, Talion had the best damn hand to hand combat sequences I've seen out of Stargate SG-1 since at least season five's The Warrior, and definitely ranks right up there with the Krauser knife fight between Ford and Ronan back on Atlantis season two. Obviously, a lot of credit has to go to the bout between Teal'c and Arkad, even if Teal'c was the poor whipping boy behind the lash for most of that lopsided fight. But really, did I ever think I'd see a kickass battle between the Sodan-trained Cam Mitchell and the biggest Jaffa warrior ever known to man? To be honest, I don't think I ever truly saw it coming...

Well, alright, so maybe that fight was a bit too lopsided in the end, and perhaps a fight against General O'Neill would've had far more meaning for Teal'c as a character. Still, the choreography in that battle was just plain amazing, and I gotta give props to Ben Browder for taking the lumps and bumps for real (as proven by the fact that the camera never cut away when the actor was flipped in half). Maybe I would've preferred Cam to have had at least some sort of fighting chance in the hand to hand engagement, as really at least a couple of those punches he got in should've phased Teal'c just a tad wee bit. But either way, what we did get in the end was still bloody brilliant, with quick elbow jabs and knee lifts and fucking kickass arm drag flips...

Sure, I could've used a goddam chair shot with a Stone Cold Stunner as well from the goddam southern hick getting his red ass kicked, but hey, you take what you can get...

And how can I not compliment an episode where finally the writers made a believable and despicable villain, who actually can be taken seriously (except for the fake posh accent, of course...). Arkad was a badass, and a cowardly one at that, taunting Teal'c after the big lug had already taken two direct staff weapon shots. The fight to the death between the both of them was thrilling, if not just for the Ori-Jaffa epic music but also for the fact that those clubbing shots of his to the knees were timed to goddam perfection. How the fuck can't you get behind Teal'c against the man who was boasting about bringing the "Tau'ri to their knees", and then doing the Dr. Evil fatal mistake of taking credit for bitch-slapping his momma?...

The blade through the heart was just such a satisfying, bloody hell finish to the character arc that Teal'c had started ten years ago...

Fuck, has it been ten years already since Teal'c first defected from Apophis and left his family for SG-1? That was always his character arc, of trying to free the Jaffa from the dynasty of the Goa'uld, and obviously Christopher Judge has had little to do since the fall of the system lords. Teal'c's story probably should have ended back in Threads, but the continuing series just couldn't let that happen, and his character arc has dragged on with a limp in goddam limbo ever since...

But finally, with Talion, I really did think closure was finally brought to the story of Teal'c. No matter if he lost his symbiot, no matter if the Goa'uld system lords are free, he will never stop fighting to bring peace and order and true freedom to the Jaffa. That is his legacy, that is his legend, and what better way to seal the deal than to finally hear on screen that Bra'tac really does see him as the son he never had? How could anyone possibly be more proud of the man he trained, then after stabbing some sick warlord bastard through the heart with his own sword? It's just natural...

The other characters on the show have all had their moments throughout the season, so there was no need for them to steal the spotlight here. However, as mentioned before, I gotta give props to Ben Browder, who got his ass kicked by Teal'c and made the episode ten times better by doing so with both a bruised ego and smile. Hell, he even brought the only real comic chemistry to the fold, going so far as to apologize to Teal'c about lying to him about the trap they had set. "Crazy talk" he had called it, but he and Teal'c really did put together one of the best damn moments this season of Stargate SG-1 has ever goddam produced...

Carter and Daniel had little to do, if anything. Vala was playing catch-up the whole way through, making little tidbit quips about the Jaffa and their backstory in case any new viewers of the Ori arc didn't know about the first eight seasons of the goddam show. And naturally, General Landry had to step on the scene to try to ruin the entire fucking episode for everyone else. Because let's cut the crap, it made no fucking sense whatsoever how he was completely undiplomatic with Arkad one moment, and then bent over backwards the next for the IOA as if his name was goddam Helo. WTF?...

Suffice to say, this entire episode belonged to Teal'c, and damn was the man on fucking fire...

I mean seriously, WTF was up with his badass, slow-mo walk from the man "about to explode"? The scar on that Jaffa's face; was he a fucking James Bond villain reject or some shit like that?...

Hell, I approve of almost all things of badass, violent proportions. And Talion was just that damn good in making me forget about all those lameass, cheesy TV dramas of this day and age. Teal'c stopped at nothing to get his revenge, in a way that was just so much more satisfying than we ever got from the Tanith arc back in season six. And even if Talion may have felt like a total filler episode in terms of standalone plot, it was just so much more than that in the grand scheme of things...

This was Christopher Judge's last chance to truly shine on the series, and goddam did he ever make his mark...

And in these finals hours of Stargate SG-1? That's all I ask from the series. That's all I ask from the writers...

... for closure, for goddam closure to each and every character on the cast and crew...

Seriously, is this what the writers honestly wanted as the legacy they leave behind? With just a couple of episodes left in the fucking goddam SG-1 series, this is the shit they shovel out on screen? WTF?...

Family Ties was just atrocious, simply goddam fucking atrocious. WTF were they thinking? Were they trying to rip off the most absolute cheesy, meaningless sitcom's from the 80's or some crap like that (or the 70's, even when it comes to the actors, if you know what I mean...)?...

If they were going to rip off shit from the long dead television past, couldn't they at least have stolen from a decent source? Yet here, I didn't get a hint of the writers playing with a full deck of cards like Full House, a perfect execution like Perfect Strangers, or hell, if they wanted to go the whole Sci-Fi sitcom routine, why the hell didn't they just rip off the best in Mork and Mindy? WTF?...

Instead, we as an audience were forced through the hoops and growing pains of goddam Family Matters bullshit...

WTF was the point of this episode? Is there even anything to write about this bullshit? Vala meets up with her scheming, thieving father who doesn't even fit into her old tales of being an innocent little girl from a primitive village before being taken host for a Goa'uld. Of course, I'm sure the script at that point read, "a new scheme is put into motion; hilarity ensues", or some crap like that. Unfortunately, I don't think I laughed once at any point in this goddam fucking episode...

No, wait. Scratch that. I stand corrected. I did laugh out loud while scratching my head when wondering how the fuck the writers could've ever thought Family Ties would be a good way to tie up the end of the series. WTF were they smoking? WTF?...

Nobody on the cast and crew had a decent showing in this turd of an hour. Carter tried to look pretty and all pedicured up for the camera, and only ended up looking completely ugly and out of place with those goddam hooker boots instead. Besides that, what the fuck did she do? A girl's night in while surfing the net for goddam stardust schemes on eBay and shit like that? WTF?...

WTF did Cameron Mitchell do? We didn't even get the pleasure of seeing how hot his date was for the evening (though chances are, it was just another DeLuise...). The extent of his contribution this episode was to claim that Carter and Vala looked "fantastic" at the start (which was a bold faced lie, mind you), and then look all dazed and confused as the new commander of the Odyssey was doing his best damn impression of being bald as Captain Picard on camera. At least we can feel fortunate that we didn't have to put up with the goddam "Cam, Bounty Hunter" leather clad pants that we're normally forced to during shitfest sidestories like this. But still, really, WTF?...

I at least imagined that Daniel would've gotten in a decent moment or two, considering he has been both the guardian angel and muse for Vala's bemusement over the past couple of years. Yet besides a single heart to heart talk with her about trusting her father and how proud he was that she never turned back to being a bad car boost, the two of them didn't get any screen time in whatsoever. Fuck, even that god-awful episode at the beginning of the season where Athena the bimbo whore tried to torture Vala into going lesbian had more Daniel and Vala meaning than this bullshit. I mean, with the series coming to a close, you'd think that maybe the writers would've continued giving hints at those two crazy birds hooking up or something, yet at the end of the episode, Daniel is too fucking tired and lazy to even get off his ass to fuck her up the ass? WTF?...

And Teal'c? WTF was wrong with Teal'c? Just last week, he was kicking ass and taking names as the most badass Jaffa in the entire damn galaxy. And this week, when he wasn't playing babysitter or getting zatted as a patsy, he was all dressed up for the goddam Vagina Monologues? That was probably the most embarrassing moment for both Christopher Judge and the series in a very long fucking time, yet sadly enough? It was pathetically one of the few redeeming moments in this entire hour of a waste of my time. WTF?...

Because what else can I take as hope from this stink of an ass of an episode, especially when Family Ties was all tighed up and tighed down by the shitty ass performance of Beau Bridges as General Landry? Now, I tried my best to just concentrate on just how fucking hard I'd stick my balls in Lexa Doig's mouth (or sadly, maybe even suck Michael Shanks' dick just because it's been in her, but I digress...), or how hard I'd fuck her lower eye into a goddam "sitcum" of my own (... ha?...). Because except for a tiny tummy (and of course, her goddam eye-rolling acting skills), she hasn't missed a fucking beat since having a child of her own...

But unfortunately, even her supreme hotness couldn't make me forget at just how Landry sucks as much shit as my own fucking balls after taking a goddam fucking dump over the feces known as Smallville. How the fuck could the writers ever possibly thought that we'd care about him hooking up back with some 20 year old looking hussy from the goddam 60's, I will never know...

... or some quarter-Asian of a prima-Madonna-wannabe from the goddam 80's, if you get my drift, at least...

There was just absolutely no reason for the writers to produce and put forth an episode like Family fucking Ties. Now, I can understand that with just a couple of episodes left in the series, they'd want to bring some sort of closure to the cast and characters. But honestly, how the fuck is some worthless sidestory of Vala Mal Doran having to deal with fucking poppa issues supposed to result in goddam closure for the actual fans of the goddam show? WTF?...

And to be honest? I'm quite honestly pissed that even after the show was canceled, this was still what the writers and producers fucking chose to put on the air. WTF were they thinking? WTF?...

They wasted a goddam fucking hour of my life. I want it back. And it want it back with a real fucking episode SG-1, thank you very much...

But since that just can't be the case? Then I for one want absolutely no fucking ties with this shitfest of an episode whatsoever...

... God, I haven't been this fucking embarrassed from television, since the last time I watched goddam Voyager...

I'd put down whatever the fuck I was smoking, sever all fucking thoughts and ties to this episode...

... and fucking write for me two fucking amazing last episodes, for the legacy of the series and the fans who truly fucking deserve it...

I still remember how epic the final episodes of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine were back then...

That was its legacy. The war arc with some of the best damn special effects and acting that I've ever witnessed in a goddam Sci-Fi series before, or even to this day for any goddam television series to be honest...

But what will Stargate SG-1's legacy be? Ten years of fluff? Or will they go out with a goddam bang like I had always hoped they would...

The last few episodes of the series have been goddam embarrassing at best, except perhaps for Talion. Because every other episode that SG-1 has done since The Shroud has been nothing more than pure meaningless bullshit; standalone episodes that would've been enjoyable in any other goddam season of the show, but just seem so damn misplaced and goddam worthless in the context of the final moments of the goddam series for all fucking time...

... and yes, I was hoping for so much better from the second last episode of the series...

And truth be told? It was a decent enough episode. There wasn't a part of it where I found myself bored, and the writers definitely did do their best in making the atmosphere of the show as goddam epic as they could, considering they probably never had planned for any of this shit to happen before the series had gotten goddam canned in the first place...

The basic premise definitely did feel rushed at first. We find Vala alone on a planet, pissed off as hell that her friends back on earth had betrayed her (even though in her own flashbacks, none of the shit she thought had happened to her really felt bad or anything). She then goes into a long-winded explanation with Adria, who just happened to have wandered into the tavern for God knows what reason that Sunday morn. Naturally, we got some girl on girl action between the mother and child (or at least, in my own mind), but besides that? As hot as Morena Baccarin is, she can't act her way out of a paper bag, and it's not like Claudia Black had much to work with in that scene either. The first ten minutes of the episode were necessary to set up the rest, but it all felt like wasted time in the end...

... sort of like the new goddam US daylight savings hour... but that's a story for another day, and another time...

Because the thing is, the story really picked up from there. Finally we got an answer to the big ass question, can a Goa'uld actually take a Prior or Adria as a host? Apparently so, although Ba'al may have been aided by the fact that the anti-Prior devices everywhere were keeping Adria in check. And really, I thought it was a smart move by the writers to finally get this question answered, as it was just dumb how Ba'al was smart enough to use all the knowledge and advantages of earth to his parasitic advantage yet never once tried the same with the forces of the Ori. It was about time that the most resourceful of all Goa'uld finally did something besides whine and grate and play the role of the comedic thorn in SG-1's side, and I don't think that Dominion ever really did disappoint in that regard...

But what the fuck was wrong with him in Adria's body? Like I said, Morena is fucking hot as fucking hell and she can suck the living daylight savings hours out of my dick anyday. But damn, did she really have to give Ba'al in those bondage scenes of hers, the goddam diva head nod and her own goddam mannerisms? If only her hands were free, I'd swear we'd get some goddam Celine Dion action to go along with the rest of her Ba'al shit. But like I said, at least the bondage was a nice touch...

But concept aside? I just don't feel the writers had enough time to fully explore the big ass nature of the story. They basically condensed the tale of Ba'al taking Adria as a host, the Tok'ra finally making their long awaited return, and Adria finally ascending to become the only real Ori known to still exist in the goddam universe, into just half a freakin' hour of television. While I command the writers for accomplishing such a goddam feat in the end, I can't say it all went according to plan, as Daniel might iterate as well. There just wasn't enough time to fully explore everything that I felt a story of this nature really deserved to tell, especially when the final briefing room of a meeting felt rushed and forced as hell, with goddam General Landry fucking over the series yet again just for good measure...

I keep alluding back to the Dominion Wars on Deep Space Nine, because I was so hoping that the writers would've used the final half of the tenth season of SG-1 to really show earth and the last remnants of the Jaffa nation, battling it out with the Ori for domination of the galaxy. But I guess The Shroud did have its moments, and I do agree that aside from a few episodes in season seven (Heroes and Lost City, primarily), SG-1 has never really been about the big ass war arcs. It's always been about light-hearted comedy and perhaps a bit of satire, but still, that's not to say that the writers haven't pulled off the whole epic theme of war before...

Season five was shit and season six's finale of Full Circle wasn't much better, so thank God the show never ended off on those terrible notes. But when it comes to Dominion, with the real series finale coming up in just a few days, with only one fucking hour of time to fully air? I just know that the writers won't be able to accomplish a feat like they did with The Lost City or Threads, two great "series finales" that had so many great moments leading up to them in the first place (such as Reckoning for the latter)...

Dominion may have been linked to The Shroud and The Quest, and thank God we got The Pegasus Project this year as well. But still, it all feels so damn sparse and spread out in the end, that it almost felt like the Ori were an afterthought in the minds of the writers when it was all said and done, and that Adria was barely a threat at all to SG-1 as a result...

Hell, sure I'd like to lock her in a cage and have my way with her any fucking day of the week. What fucking man in their right mind wouldn't? But to have her cornered and captured three fucking times in the same fucking episode? Then yeah, you better believe that she never really felt like a real threat anymore. But that's just what happens when you don't dedicate the time to properly developing your villains and story arcs, like the writers obviously failed to do in the final hours and tolls and death knells of Stargate SG-1...

But despite all my negativity? I will gladly admit that Dominion was a good episode in the grand scheme of things, with a lot of great character parts. Now sure, I wasn't the biggest fan of Vala having such a huge role in an episode this close to the finale, considering she was never a part of the original SG-1 show. But her connection with Adria had to receive some closure and final composure, and I thought that Claudia Black did a great job in resolving her motherly concerns for the Orici. It also helps that she was absolutely adorable in that little, "wonko" video blog to herself, as her little arrogant sniff in the air at the slightest whiff of a payrise was just too damn peculiar in a good way to ignore...

It felt weird that Daniel was completely ignored by Adria for the most part, considering he did betray her goddam horniness just a few episodes ago. And Jackson didn't really get that many moments in with Vala either, although they did confide about Adria a few times before the episode was done and over with. Still, the good doctor has always been the anchor that the series has been built upon, and he played the role of the foundation of the show yet again. I don't particularly remember anything he did in this episode, but I do remember that he contributed the little things to each and every single scene he was in that mattered. Hell, just his reactions to rewatching the video that Vala had made for herself was probably the most damn rewarding plot point of the whole damn hour...

Teal'c got a few of his own little quips in, nodding his head in approval whenever the idea of killing Ba'al or Adria or both birds with one stone came up. You gotta give him props for that, even if it was all just a few fleeting seconds of screen time in the end. And Cameron Mitchell, if only because of the actor, had a few moments in with Vala, including a heart to heart chat about whether she was ready and willing to kill her own daughter. Besides that, I didn't really feel that there were enough Mitchellisms throughout the episode to call it a proper day, as the only thing that sticks out in my mind is his "cool" reaction to having the Odyssey sneak up to Ba'al's ship while cloaked...

But you see? That's the thing, how everything felt rushed, especially when it came to Sam and all the technobabble this episode. The writers never explained how the cloak from The Shroud was still working on the Odyssey, whether Carter figured out how to reproduce it with the ZPM or if Merlin had actually set it all up with the flick of a switch. We never really got to get any emotion out of Carter whatsoever in this episode, except brief little descriptions on Star Trek coolant leaks and Adria barring the doors shut with her mind. We didn't even get any connection between her and the Tok'ra this episode, or even a mention of her past history with Agent Barrett who had just miraculously risen from the Smallville grave...

Fuck, we didn't even get to see her and Lexa Doig feeling Grace Park up again in a tight-ass mini-skirt and see-through blouse...

There is just so much more that I was hoping for here from Dominion. Now sure, I guess it was a decent enough episode in retrospect with a great premise and plot, but it was just not done justice in one fucking goddam hour of television. Not much can, to be honest...

Hell, I know that bloody hell action itself doesn't make for great television, but it definitely helps. And sure, we got here at least a brief moment of Adria looking fucking hot as hell, burning and seething as she broke the backs of all those bastards trying to kill her beautiful butter cheeks with Goa'uld poisonous gunk. But one raw moment of passion, even from a bitch slap as fucking hot as hers, is not enough to make for the epic kind of atmosphere that I was hoping SG-1 as a series and a collective writers effort would aspire and ascend to during its final run and stretch of goddam episodes...

That's why Deep Space Nine spaced their finale out amongst eight or more fucking episodes to finish it all off. The writers knew that no matter what they had done, no matter what they had accomplished throughout their past seven years of the series, it would be only the final stretch of episodes that would be remembered in the minds and midsts of the fickle mob of fans...

Now sure, Stargate SG-1 was a dominion in my mind, a dynasty of one the best damn television series I have ever had the honour and grace and privilege to watch in the span of my goddam lifetime...

But still, despite all that? Even more than all that? As much as it pains me to admit this?...

It's hard for me to even imagine a time when there hasn't been Stargate SG-1 anymore. It has lasted longer for me than almost all my friends and hobbies and whatever kind of dreams I once had...

In ten years though, how many series finales did this show already have? Season five was supposed to be the end (though thank God that shit season wasn't), Full Circle was supposed to finish the series off in season six, The Lost City was originally planned as a movie long before becoming the series finale of season seven, and then we had the combination of Threads and Moebius in season eight...

Unending wasn't quite the series finale I was hoping for the show I've known for ten fucking years of my life. There has been so much better in the past, whether we're talking about The Lost City or Threads here...

But considering the circumstances of what the writers were trying to do? They were informed of the cancellation of Stargate SG-1 during the filming of Bad Guys, and they only had the time leftover to really write the scripts to Dominion and Unending (although gosh darnit, they could've replaced the script to Family Ties with a goddam turd and it still would've turned out better, but that's besides the point). In that sense, I realize that the series finale of Stargate SG-1 wasn't everything that I or the rest of the fans wanted to be...

... but I'd also be lying if I denied that there wasn't any emotional resonance at all...

The general plotline was almost of a "WTF" nature, in the sense that it felt like it completely came from nowhere. It was never properly developed, and part of me figures that the demise of the Asgard would've figured more prominently in an eleventh season of the show. Because looking back at the past few seasons of SG-1? I guess then you can argue that the destruction of their people wasn't so far out of left field...

... although I really could've done without the whole frickin', "planet go boom" part of it all... WTF?...

We haven't seen Thor in ages, so we as the viewers knew that something was going on. And yes, we've known for a long time that the Asgard were a dying and decaying race, but honestly, to commit mass suicide here and now, while there was still a battle to be fought? I dunno, I realize the writers didn't have much time (or foresight) to plan this out, but really? That's all they could think up? "Planet Go Boom"? WTF?...

... I will, err... continue to keep believing that the Asgard were fighting the Ori to the death, and lost all their ships that they should've given to us in the process...

This is their legacy. To hand over to us a computer core with their knowledge, history and schematics, and then load the Odyssey with a few weapons that might do us a bit of good if only we could learn to reproduce them in time?...

But, hey, wait a tick. The Asgard had weapons and ships... capable of defeating the Ori?...

Is there some sort of time quota on SG-1 or some shit like that? That every "invincible" enemy after two fucking seasons goes from a nail-biter to a fucking nail-clipper of a joke? Poor fucking Ori, reduced to measly Goa'uld and Wraith ship shit. WTF?...

Yeah, umm... I'm just gonna ignore that part... all those deus ex machina parts pretty much, really, I'll promise you that...

But despite all my complaints and reservations, I can't deny the fact that I did feel a genuine sense of loss when the Asgard waved goodbye and sacrificed their lives to protect their technology (though Ba'al's just gonna steal it from us in five minutes flat, so who gives a shit?). I do admit that the hug that Carter gave Thor was strangely enough touching, and a decent but somber way to end the tale of the greatest little alien dude that I feel Sci-Fi as a means of story-telling has ever truly been able to produce...

And who the fuck can complain about the Odyssey getting fucking phasers? Oh fucking yes hell...

Now, the real question is, why the fuck did General Landry take a two week vacation from work to go sit on the bridge that used to belong to poor Colonel Davidson back home? WTF?...

Oh, yes. Brilliant strategems, General, just goddam bloody hell brilliant. Did they teach that shit to you at Westpoint? WTF?

Meanwhile, the end of the Asgard was rushed and squeezed into five minutes flat, and just wasn't the same as a result. Daniel Jackson and Teal'c barely had any words for their old alien friend, and while I know it was out of the power of the writers and producers, it just felt wrong for the Asgard to be wiped out without Jack O'Neill there to send Thor off. The two had the best of connections and the best of chemistry back in the day when the General was seen as the true leader of the potential of the "fifth race". While at least Carter got her final moments in with the best damn puppets the series has ever produced, it just felt hollow and empty still without O'Neill getting a chance to say goodbye...

And what was worse was that RDA even missed the light show of the Asgard completely ignoring the Ori threat and then just blowing themselves up for the shits and giggles fun of it all while the Odyssey and their legacy were in danger...

I mean honestly, who the fuck do the Asgard think they are? The Furlings? WTF?...

From that point on, Unending was a mix of good and bad, or decency along with disappointment, more or less. I did enjoy the action sequences, even if the Ori had been neutered down to the point where Asgard technology plus a ZPM onboard was enough to rip their shields to shreds. The music was still strong and overpowering, just as it was with Camelot last season. And the battle sequences would've been a highlight of the season, if only I hadn't had to deal with goddam General Landry with his fucking pathetic acting in command onboard...

As for the real crux and meat and potatoes of the plotline of the story, of SG-1 living out the next fifty or so years of their lives stuck in a time dilation field aboard the "god-awful ship"?...

Was it just me, or did the acting and the character pieces just start to feel a tad bit...

Obviously, that was the point. SG-1 had lived together for fifty damn years together on a single ship with nothing to do and no-one to save. They knew they couldn't end their lives or else they'd lose the legacy of the Asgard as well, yet they were powerless to do anything but wait and see if Carter could think up something new. And that was the whole episode really, just a bunch of montages to old 60's songs of fifty years passing in the lives of our heroes...

... with the only damn decent thing happening at the halfway point, when Landry finally goddam kicked the goddam bucket of balls...

Nothing really happened in those fifty damn years that was worth noting. Daniel went on a rampage with his remarks to Vala for really no apparent reason whatsoever, completely out of character, just to test whether she would be faithful or not. And then the two crazy kids finally got together, with really no scenes between them but the memory of their chemistry that they once had back in the ninth season of the show. There was really no point to seeing them age like they did, except to witness just how hideous Daniel's wig really was throughout the history of the series, even when it finally found itself dyed gray and discovered to be the remains of Landry's shaved fucking balls...

And really, Daniel just happened to die again? This time when the whole frickin' ship blew up? WTF?...

It's like the writers just realized they were behind on their whole "Daniel Jackson Death" quota for the season, and decided to drag the rest of the cast and crew down with him...

Cameron Mitchell basically was a prop this episode, sitting in the F302 the whole nine yards and tearing his massive bunk of a room a new one whenever else he was bored. At least he got a few decent sparring sessions in with Teal'c; at least he proved that he wasn't a completely useless dumbass when it came to learning from the Sodan. But really, I know Ben Browder was never an original member of the cast of the series, but he should've been treated better here than just a prop for horrible aging prosthetics when push came to shove...

And you know who should've been treated better? Teal'c, that's who, especially considering he was one of the four founding members of the goddam series. Over fifty years, he did nothing on the ship at all? While at least Daniel and Vala hooked up, and the ending of the episode let slip the hint that maybe Carter and Cam had a fling or two, what the fuck did Teal'c do to bide his time? Fifty fucking years had passed, making him as old as Bra'tac is right now, and the only thing that could keep him company was the drug-induced hallucinations of Kamala and Tretonin? Please tell me that he accomplished something else, or that he hooked up with someone, please...

Because sadly, if I ever end up going goddam virgin for fifty fucking years? Even General Landry would start looking fucking decent to me in the goddam shower, that's fucking what...

The only character that was actually developed over the course of fifty writer years was Samantha Carter, yet she's the character the writers are porting over to Stargate Atlantis for one more season. We learned a great deal about her desire to learn the cello, and how she never really gave up hope of finding a way out of her self-made prison, even after she claimed to Daniel that had given up all hope. She never wanted to give up on the Asgard or their legacy, and I couldn't help but think that even as an 80-year woman, she still somehow looked pretty damn fucking fine. Hell, just the way she took Cam's hand at the end while realizing that the Ori weapon could provide the needed power source for her plan, I actually fell in love with her character all over again...

Because ironically, aside from The Lost City? Unending was the series finale that did Samantha Carter as a character the most justice...

... I just wish I could say the same for all the other characters on the show, that's what...

Was there really a need to age everyone by fifty years (besides Teal'c, who now won't suffer the TNG Data syndrome of looking old as fuck)? The only scenes we got of all those lost hours and days and months was of the crew celebrating Christmas one moment, and lamenting each other's company the next...

Poor Teal'c. First he loses God knows how many months of boredom to become the undisputed King of Groundhog Day back in season four, and now sacrifices another fifty goddam years? Why must time travel devices hate Jaffa freedom?...

Seriously, why not just age them a year or so, let them all keep their memories, and be done with it? Why did they have to send Teal'c back all the way to before the time dilation field had been set, causing him to lose fifty damn years off his Jaffa lifespan, when wouldn't it have also worked to have just sent him right after the prison was first made, and then handed the crystal and time travel instructions to a younger version of Carter (who would then travel back in time herself)? In that scenario, wouldn't nobody really lose a year of their life? WTF?...

Hell, fuck, if somebody had to lose fifty years of their life and if somebody had to be sent back to change the direction of time, couldn't they have just stuck a post-it note on Landry's fucking balls and sent his worthless carcass of a dead dumbass back in time instead? WTF?...

There was just so much potential lost and wasted in this episode that I had hoped would be there. Like I mentioned before, O'Neill wasn't around to give his final respects to the Asgard, Daniel and Teal'c basically achieved nothing over the span of fifty fucking years, and please don't tell me that Carter and Vala never really got it on together over the goddam cello. Please tell me that they achieved something experimental with their lives...

But all that really matters for the series, what really matters for SG-1 as a whole, is how I feel at the end...

I loved the final moments of the episode, from the very second that Cam pointed to the Stargate chevrons lighting up, to the smiles that each and every member of the team gave each other before passing through that event horizon just one last time...

... just like I've loved almost every fucking moment of the series from the past ten years...